8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

HowtoControlAnger
FourMethods:

HelpControllingAnger

ControllingAngerintheMoment

ControllingChronicAnger

UnderstandingYourAnger

Everyonegetsangryonoccasion.Ifyou'reexperiencingoverwhelmingrage,
though,itcouldbedamagingyourmentalandphysicalhealthaswellasyour
relationshipswithothers.Uncontrolledangercanbeindicativeofunderlying
problems,suchasangermanagementissuesormentaldisorder.It'simportant
tocontrolyouremotionsandcalmyourselfdownforyourownsakeaswellas
forthesakeofthosearoundyou.

HelpControllingAnger

SampleMeditation
Techniques

SampleWaysto
ManageStress

SampleStressJournal
Entry

Method1of3:ControllingAngerintheMoment

Takeabreakassoonasyourecognizethatyou'reangry.Youcantakea
breakbystoppingwhatyou'redoing,gettingawayfromwhateverisirritatingyou,

and/orjusttakingabreather.Gettingawayfromwhateverisupsettingyouwillmakeit
infinitelyeasiertocalmdown.
Rememberthatyoudonothavetorespondtoasituationimmediately.Youcan
countto10orevensayIwillthinkaboutitandgetbacktoyoutogiveyourself
additionaltimetocooldownasnecessary.[1]
Ifyou'reangryatwork,gotoaroomorstepoutsideforamoment.Ifyou're
drivingtowork,considersittinginyourcarsothatyou'reinaspaceyouown.
Ifyou'reupsetathome,gotoasingleoccupancyspace(suchasthebathroom)
orforawalkorgoforawalkwithsomeoneyoutrustorthatcanhelpyou.

2
http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

Letyourselffeelangry.Itisperfectlynormaltoexperienceemotionssuchas
anger.Allowingyourselfalittletimeandspacetofeelangrymayhelpyouaccept
1/8

8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

theangerandmoveon.Onceyoumoveon,youcanstopreturningtotheangerand
relivingthereasonthatyouwereangry.[2]
Toallowyourselftoexperienceyouranger,thinkaboutlocatingitinyourbody.
Doyoufeelangerinyourstomach?Inyourclenchedfists?Findyouranger,let
itbe,thenletitgo.

Breathedeeply.Ifyourhearthammerswithrage,slowitdownbycontrollingyour
breathing.Deepbreathingisoneofthemostimportantstepsinmeditation,which

cancontributetocontrollingemotions.[3]Evenifyoudonotfullymeditate,usingdeep
breathingtechniquescanoffersimilarbenefits.[4]
Counttothreeasyouinhale,holdthebreathinyourlungsforthreemore
seconds,andcounttothreeagainasyouexhale.Focusonlyonthenumbers
asyoudothis.
Besurethateachbreathinfullyfillsyourlungs,causingyourchestandbellyto
expand.Exhalefullyeachtime,andpausebetweentheexhaleandthenext
inhale.
Keepbreathinguntilyoufeelthatyouhaveregainedcontrol.

Visualizea"happyplace."Ifyou'restillhavingadifficulttimecalmingdown,
imagineyourselfinasceneyoufindincrediblyrelaxing.Itcouldbeyourchildhood

backyard,aquietforest,asolitaryislandanyplacethatmakesyoufeelathomeand
peaceful.Focusonimaginingeverydetailofthisplace:thelight,thenoises,the
temperature,theweather,thesmells.Keepdwellingonyourhappyplaceuntilyoufeel
completelyimmersedinit,andhangoutthereforafewminutesoruntilyoufeelcalm.

Practicepositiveselftalk.Changingthewaythatyouthinkaboutsomethingfrom
negativetopositive(knownascognitiverestructuring)[5]canhelpyoudealwith

yourangerinahealthyway.Afteryouhavegivenyourselfamomenttocalmdown,
"discuss"thesituationwithyourselfinpositiveandrelievingterms.
Forexample,ifyouexperienceroadrage,youcouldtryturningThatidiot
almostkilledme!Iwanttokillhim!to"Thatguyalmostsideswipedme,but
maybehewasexperiencinganemergencyandI'llprobablyneverhavetosee
himagain.IfeelluckythatI'maliveandmycarisunscratched.I'mfortunate
thatIcanstilldrive.IcancontinuetobecalmandfocusedwhenIgetbackon
theroad."

Askforthesupportofsomeoneyoutrust.Sometimessharingyourconcerns
withaclosefriendorconfidantmighthelpyouventyouranger.Clearlyexpress

whatyouwantfromtheotherperson.Ifyoujustwantasoundingboard,stateatthe
beginningthatyoudon'twanthelporadvice,justsympathy.Ifyou'relookingfora
solution,lettheotherpersonknow.
Setatimelimit.Giveyourselfasetamountoftimetoventaboutwhat's
upsettingyou,andsticktoitwhentimeisup,yourrantisover.Thiswillhelp
youmoveoninsteadofdwellingonthesituationendlessly.

http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

2/8

8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

Trytoseesomehumorinwhatangeredyou.Afteryou'vecalmeddownand
establishedthatyou'rereadytogetovertheincident,trytoseethelighterside.

Castingtheincidentinahumorouslightcanactuallychangethechemicalresponsein
yourbodyfromangertohumor.[6]
Forexample,ifsomeonerunsyouofftheroadinyourcar,youmightthink
abouthowsillyitisthattheymightgetwheretheyaregoing15secondsfaster
bynotyieldingtoyou.Youcanhaveagoodchuckleabouthowtheirpriorities
areoutoforderandmoveonwithyourlife.

Method2of3:ControllingChronicAnger

Engageinphysicalactivity.Theendorphinsthatcomefromexercisecanhelp
youcalmdown,andmovingyourbodyprovidesaphysicaloutletforyourrage:in

thisway,exercisecanhelpinthemomentofanger.However,maintainingaregular
exerciseschedulecanalsohelpyouregulateyouremotionsingeneral.[7][8]Whileyou
exercise,focusonthinkingabouttheexerciseandyourbody,notwhathasbeenon
yourmindlately.Someformsofexercisethatmightappealtoyouandhelpyoucontrol
yourangerinclude:
Running/Jogging
Weighttraining
Cycling
Yoga
Basketball
Martialarts
Swimming
Dance
Boxing

Getenoughsleepatnight.Mostadultsneedatleast78hoursofsleeppernight
tothrive.[9]Beingsleepdeprivedcancontributetoawiderangeofhealth

problems,includingtheinabilitytomanageemotionsproperly.[10]Gettingadequate
sleepcanimproveyourmoodandlessenyouranger.
Ifyouhavechronicsleepproblems,consultyourphysician.Youmaybeableto
makedietaryorlifestylechangestoimproveyoursleep.Youmayalsobeable
totryherbalormedicinalsupplementstosleepmore.

Keepanangerjournal.Beginwritingdowndetailsaboutyouranger.Ifyouhave
anepisodeoreventinwhichyoulostcontrolofyouremotions,writeitdown.Be

suretoincludeexactlyhowyoufelt,whatcausedyoutobeangry,whereyouwere,who
youwerewith,howyoureacted,andhowyoufeltafterwards.[11]Afteryouhavekept
yourjournalforawhile,youshouldbegintolookforcommonalitiesamongentriesto
identifythepeople,places,orthingsthattriggeryouranger.
Asamplejournalentrymaylooklikethis:Today,Ibecameveryangryata
coworker.Hecalledmeselfishfornotofferingtopickuplunchforeveryone.We
http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

3/8

8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

wereintheloungearea,andIwastakingabreakfromastressfuldaybyeating
acheeseburgerfromtherestaurantnextdoor.Igotreallyangryandyelledback
athim,calledhimanameandstormedoff.IpunchedthedeskwhenIgotback
tomyoffice.ThenIfeltguiltyandashamedandhidinmyofficetherestofthe
day.
Overtime,youmayevaluateyourjournalandfindthatbeingcalledaname
(suchasselfish)isatriggerforyouranger.

Puttogetheranangermanagementplan.Onceyoubegintoidentifytriggersto
youranger,[12]youcanmakeaplanfordealingwiththosetriggers.Usingthe

strategiesforcontrollingangerlistedinPart1canhelp,alongwithscriptinganifthen
responseaheadoftime.
Forexample,youmayknowthatyouaregoingtovisityourmotherinlaw,who
makesdisparagingremarksaboutyourparentingstyle.Youcoulddecideahead
oftime,ifshemakesacommentaboutmyparenting,IwillcalmlytellherthatI
appreciateherinput,butIamgoingtomakedecisionsaboutthewaythatI
parentregardlessofhowshefeelsaboutthoseopinions.Youmayalsodecide
thatyouwillleavetheroomorevenpackupandgohomeifyoufeelthatyour
angerisgrowing.

Practiceassertiveexpressionofyouranger.[13]Peopleusingassertive
expressionofangeracknowledgetheneedsofbothpartiesinvolvedina

disagreement.[14]Topracticeassertiveexpression,youshouldsticktothefacts
involved(notexaggeratedbyemotion),communicaterequests(ratherthandemands)in
arespectfulway,communicateclearly,andexpressyourfeelingseffectively.
Thisapproachdiffersfrompassiveexpression,whichinvolvesbeingangry
withoutsayinganything,andaggressiveexpression,whichgenerallymanifests
asanexplosionoroutburstthatgenerallyseemsdisproportionatetothe
problem.[15]
Forexample,ifyouareangeredbyacoworkerplayingmusicloudlyeveryday
whileyouaretryingtowork,youcouldsay,Iunderstandthatyouenjoymusic
whileyouareworking,butitmakesitdifficultformetofocusonmywork.I
wouldliketorequestthatyouuseheadphonesinsteadofplayingthemusic
aloudsothatwecanallhaveapleasantworkenvironment.

Findalocalangermanagementprogram.Angermanagementprogramscan
helpyoulearntodealwithangerandcontrolyouremotionshealthily.[16]Attending

agroupclasscanhelpyoufeelasthoughyouarenotaloneinyoursituation,andmany
peoplefindthatpeergroupsareashelpfulasindividualtherapyforsomekindsof
problems.
Tofindanangermanagementprogramthatisrightforyou,trysearchingonline
forangermanagementclassplusthenameofyourcity,state,orregion.You
canalsoincludesearchtermslikeforteensorforPTSDtofindagroup
tailoredtoyourspecificsituation.
Youcanalsolookforappropriateprogramsbyaskingyourphysicianor
therapist,orconsultingtheselfimprovementcourseofferingsatyourlocal
communitycenter.

http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

4/8

8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

Seeamentalhealthprofessional.Ifyourangerhasprogressedtothepointthat
it'sinterferingwithyourdaytodaylifeoryourabilitytomaintainpositive

relationships,seeatherapist.Heorshecanassesstherootofyourproblemand
whetherornotyourequiretherapy,medication,orsomecombinationofboth.Atherapist
cangiveyourelaxationtechniquestouseinsituationsthatmakeyoufeelangry.She
canhelpyoudevelopemotionalcopingskillsandcommunicationtraining.[17]
YoucansearchforatherapistspecializinginangermanagementinNorth
AmericahereandintheUnitedKingdomhere.

Method3of3:UnderstandingYourAnger

Watchforphysiologicalsignsofanger.Angeriscertainlyapsychological
emotion,butitisalsophysiological,involvingchemicalreactionsinyourbrain.[18]

Whenyougetangry,youramygdala,thecenterforemotionalprocessing,sendsa
distresssignaltoyourhypothalamus,whichsendsepinephrinealongyourautonomic
nervoussystemthroughthepathofthesympatheticnervoussystemtotheadrenal
glands,whichstartspumpingepinephrine(adrenaline)throughoutyourbody.The
adrenalinegetsyourbodyreadytomeetathreat,increasingyourheartrateand
sharpeningyoursenses.[19]
Thisprocessservesabiologicalpurpose(preparingyouforfightorflight),butif
youhaveanangerproblem,yourthresholdforwhattriggersthisphysiological
responsemaybetoolow(forexample,ifyougetangryatacoworkerfor
playingmusictooloudly).

Takeinventoryofyouremotions.Angeroftenmasksanotheremotionmany
times,angerisasecondaryemotiontohurt,sadness,grief,depression,orfear.[20]

Angeremergesasalmostadefensemechanismbecauseitiseasierformanypeopleto
dealwiththantheotheremotions.Thinkaboutwhetheryouallowyourselftofeelawide
rangeofemotionsorifyoumaybesuppressingemotionsthatyouthinkyoushouldnt
feel.
Ifyoucommonlysubstituteangerforotheremotionsthatyoufindmoredifficult
todealwith,considerseeingatherapisttolearntohandleandacceptthose
emotions.

Acceptthatangercanbeanormal,healthyemotion.Angerisnotalwaysabad
thing.Angercanserveahealthypurposebyprotectingyouagainstcontinued

abuseorwrongdoing.[21]Ifyouperceivethatsomeoneisharmingyou,youwilllikely
becomeangry,andthatangerwillpromptyoutoconfrontthepersonorendtheharmin
anotherway.
Somepeople(oftenwomen)aretaughtthatitisimpolitetofeelorexpress
anger.Butsuppressingnaturalfeelingsofangercanhavenegativeeffectson
youremotionsandyourrelationshipswithothers.

http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

5/8

8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

Watchforsignsthatyourangerisoutofcontrol.Whileangercanbehealthy,it
canalsobeunhealthy.Youmayneedtodealwithanangerproblemthroughself

helporprofessionalhelpifthefollowingaretrue:[22]
Insignificantthingsmakeyouveryangry.
Whenyoureangry,youdisplayaggressivebehaviors,includingyelling,
screaming,orhitting.
Theproblemischronicithappensoverandoveragain.
Youhaveanaddiction,andwhenyouareundertheinfluenceofdrugsor
alcohol,yourtempergetsworseandyourbehaviormoreviolent.

Wecouldreallyuseyourhelp!
Canyoutellusabout

Canyoutellusabout

Canyoutellusabout

Canyoutellusabout

Skinissues?

Wireless
Networking?

Torrents?

PSP?

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

No

Yes

No

Tips
Watchwhatyousaywhenyou'reangry.Youdon'talwaysfeelthe
sameaswhenyouhavecalmeddownandthoughtofthesituation.
Trylisteningtosoothingsongsthatbringpeacetoyourmind.
Ifyougetangryeasilyandfindithardtocontrolyourself,findaquiet
placeawayfromeverybody.Screamintoablanket,pillow,oranything
tostiflethenoise.(Ifyouwantto,youcanevenjustyellifnobodyis
around.)It'llhelpyouletoffsomesteam.
Recognizethatsometimesangerisjustified,andmayneedtocome
out.However,realizethatthereareproductivewaystodoitinsteadof
lashingoutatothers.
Askyourselfifthefuturerecipientofyourfurordeservestobeblownup
at,orifyouarejustusingthemasapunchingbagtoreleasesteam
aboutanotherperson/issuethatbothersyou.
Findacreativeoutlet,suchaswriting,drawingetc.whereyoucan
expendyourenergy.Hobbieshelpelevateyourmoodandallowyouto
channelenergythatyou'dusuallyspentdwellingonissuesthatyou
aren'tabletoresolve.Imaginewhatyoucoulddowiththeenergyyou
expendinangerifyouchanneleditintosomethingelse.
Thinkaboutthestressyouputonyourself.Doyouenjoyfeelingthat
way?Ifnotchangeit.
Meditationisausefulwaytoreleasestressand/oranxiety,the
precursorstoanger.
http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

6/8

8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

Avoidallthingsthatwereinvolvedinmakingyouangryuntilyouhave
cooleddown.Blockoutanythingoranyoneandgointoaquietplace
andbreathedeeplyuntilyouarecalmenough.

Warnings
Ifatanytimeyouarethinkingaboutdoingsomethingthatwouldhurt
yourselforotherpeople,gethelpimmediately.
Walkawayimmediatelywhenyourealizeyouareabouttoallowyour
angertoturntorageorbecomingviolent.
Angerisnever,everanexcusetostrikeoutatorabuse(physicallyor
verbally)thepeoplearoundyou.

SourcesandCitations
1. https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/puttingittogetheruseofanger
managementtechniques/
2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/evamselhubmd/gettingtofeel
angrylet_b_308785.html
3. http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditationspositive
residualeffects/
4. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controllinganger.aspx
5. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controllinganger.aspx
6. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/controllinganger.aspx
7. http://www.webmd.com/men/news/20100608/exercisemaywardoff
anger
8. http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/11/25/exercisereduces
anger/3407.html
9. http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthylifestyle/adulthealth/expert
answers/howmanyhoursofsleepareenough/faq20057898
10. http://www.integrativepsychiatry.net/neurotransmitter.html
11. https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/angerdiaryandtriggers/
12. https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/angerdiaryandtriggers/
13.
http://www.creducation.org/resources/anger_management/understandi
ng_anger_expression.html
14. https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/assertivecommunicationand
angermanagement/
15. https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/assertivecommunicationand
angermanagement/
16. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recognizeanger.aspx
17. http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/help.aspx
18. http://www.health.harvard.edu/stayinghealthy/understandingthe
stressresponse
http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

7/8

8/24/2015

HowtoControlAnger(withAngerManagementTechniques)

19. http://www.health.harvard.edu/stayinghealthy/understandingthe
stressresponse
20.
http://www.creducation.org/resources/anger_management/anger__a_s
econdary_emotion.html
21. https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/psychologyofanger/
22. http://mentalhealthtreatment.net/angermanagement/signsand
symptoms/

ArticleInfo

Categories:FeaturedArticles|AngerManagement
Inotherlanguages:

Featured
Article

Italiano:ControllarelaRabbia,Portugus:ControlaraRaiva,Franais:matrisersa
colre,:,Nederlands:Woedeondercontrole
houden,:,etina:Jakovldatvztek,Espaol:controlarlaira,Bahasa
Indonesia:MengendalikanAmarah,Deutsch:Wutausbrchekontrollieren

Thankstoallauthorsforcreatingapagethathasbeenread1,334,941times.

http://www.wikihow.com/ControlAnger

8/8