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Developing Elaboration
with showing sentences.

Show, Don't Tell

Writing Packet

Show,DontTellisanimportantrulewhenitcomestowritingyourstory,itisthemagic
techniquethatbreatheslifeandenergyintoanystory.
The single best piece of advice you can receive to become a good writer is "Don't tell me,
showme."Don'ttellmethecharacterisangry;showmethatthecharacterisangry.Don'ttell
methatthecharacterhadagoodtimeattheparty;showmehowthecharacterhadagood
time.

ThisisTheFirstRuleofWriting
Show,Don'tTell.Yeah,thatsoundseasy,butwhat,exactly,doesshowmean?

Show,donttellShow,donttellShow,donttell

Itsaphrasethatwritingteachersthrowattheirstudentsbutdotheyreallygetit?

Itsimportanttounderstandtheprofounddifferencebetweenshowingandtellinginyour
writing.
Telling sentences tell us something. They give information but it is general, nonspecific, and
oftenvague.Theydontinvolvethereader.Tellingsentencesarewritteninadullandlifeless
manner. You leave out the action, emotion, and sensory detailall the vital ingredients that
makethereaderbelieveinyourstory."Telling"isawayofcommunicatingfactstothereader
thewrongway.Therightwayisto"show"informationthroughtheuseofaction,dialogue,and
thefivesenses.(Ifyourestillconfused,pleasereadonandletme"show"youwhatImean.)
Imagineyourselfinadarkenedmovietheater.Allofasuddenthescreengoesblackandyou
canhearonlythesoundtrackthedialogueandafewsoundeffects.Howfrustratedyoudbe!
Ifthetechniciandidntgettheprojectorfixedfast,youdgetboredandleave.Thesameistrue
forwriting.Ifyoufailtomakethereaderseeyourstory,shellloseinterest,putdownthebook,
andneverpickitupagain.Ifthatreaderhappenstobetheeditortowhomyouvesubmitted
yourmanuscript,thenyouvelostasale.
Showingsentencesshowustheydescribethescenesandactions;theyhelpusseebyusing
clear, specific details to create clear, strong pictures in our minds. Showing sentences

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dramatize the events of your plot. The reader experiences the story as if hes right there,
participatinginthestory.Inhisimagination,hebecomesthecharacter.Ashowingsentencehas
adifferentsoundandfeelingwhenyoureadit.Save
Lookatthefollowingexamples:
1) FirstExample
Tellingsentence:Jackwasafraid.
Showing sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles
tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the gritty bricks against his cheek. Sweat chilled his
palms.Heusedbothhandstosteadythegun.
______________________________________________________________________________
Noticeinthe"telling"sentence,weregiveninformation,butinawaythatdoesntinvolveusin
any scene. Its as if were sitting in that movie theater, staring at a black screen and growing
increasinglyannoyedbyourinabilitytoseewhatshappening.
Inthe"showing"sentence,however,welivethroughthescenealongwithJack.Wehearthe
tapoffootsteps.Wefeelthetensioninhisstomach,thecolddampnessofhishands,andthe
grittinessofthebrick.Weseetheguninhisshakinghands.Welivehisfear,ratherthanmerely
beingtoldofit.
Andalongtheway,somethingmiraculoushappens:Jackbecomesarealperson.Evenifhe'sthe
bad guy, we can identify with him because we experience his fear, and fear is a universal
human emotion. We want to turn the page and find out what happens to Jack. This is the
powerof"showing"insteadof"telling."
Sowhatisthesecretto"showing"ascene?Itsbeautifullysimple.Usespecificdetails.
Specificdetailsbreathelifeintoyourstory.Theystimulatethereader'simaginationsohecan
projecthimselfintothesceneandbecomeapartofit.Bytheway,watchoutwheneveryou
nameanemotion,suchasJackwasafraid.It'slazywriting.Thereaderwon'tfeeltheemotional
impact. How much better it is to "show" the emotion through action, the five senses, and
dialogue.
2) SecondExample
Tellingsentence:DavethoughtBrendawasactingsecretive.
Showing sentence: Brenda slammed his dresser drawer shut and spun around, her hands
hidden behind her back. Her lips jerked into a stiff smile. "Dave! II thought you wouldn't be
homeuntilsixo'clock."

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The "showing" example uses physical action, facial expression, and dialogue to convey the
same information as the "telling" sentence. But with "showing," we get a vivid picture. We
watchthesceneasifitwereplayingonamoviescreen.
So,"showing"makesascenecomealivethroughtheuseofdetails.Sotakeagood,closelook
athowyoupresentyourideasandcharacters.Allgoodbookstouchthereaderonanemotional
level.Youdosobygivingprooftothereaderproofofhowthischaracteractsandreactswhen
faced by problems. In other words, you "show" the reader why we should cheer for the
characterorboohim.Andhopefully,intheprocess,readerswillfindthemselvesdrawnintothe
story,unabletoputthebookdown.
So now you have the idea, right? We need details. We need to know thoughts, feelings; we
need to see, hear, feel, smell and taste your story. Learn how to put details in your
writing. Did you ever wonder why you remember the characters in a book? Or what made a
story especially memorable? By combining many elements of writing, you can learn how to
write good stories and essays. You have to use the senses, avoid boring dialogue, and write
memorabledescriptions.
3) ThirdExample
Tellingsentence:Marywasaprettygirl,withblueeyesandblondhair.
Showingsentence:Mary'sblueeyesglistenedwithjoy,herblondhairbouncingwitheachstep.
4) FourthExample
Tellingsentence:Mollyisawonderfulperson.
Showingsentence:Mollyisalwaystherewhenanyoneneedsher.She'sthefirsttoarrivewitha
casserolewhensomeoneissick,thefirsttosendanoteofencouragementtothosewhoare
troubled,thefirsttoofferahugtoanyoneman,womanorchildatanytime.
5) FifthExample
Tellingsentence:Itwasverydarkinside.
Showingsentence:Iheldmyhandinfrontofmyeyesbutcouldntseeitsoutline.Thewalls
wereinvisibleanditwasimpossibletoseethebottomofthesteepstairs.
6) SixthExample
Tellingsentence:Thepizzawasdelicious.
Showing sentence: Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage were layered thickly on top of one
anotherwhilethewhitemozzarellacheesebubbledoverthebrightredtomatosauce.

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7) SevenExample
Tellingsentence:Thehousewashaunted.
Showingsentence:Theoldhousestoodeerilyabandonedonthehill,scaringeveryoneinthe
neighborhoodwithcreaking,breathingnoises.
8) EightExample
Tellingsentence:Eatinghealthyisgoodforyourbody.
Showingsentence:Thecalciuminmilk,cheese,yogurt,andotherdairyproducts,thevitamins
invegetables,andtheproteininmealallhelptokeepourbodiesstrongandhealthy.
9) NinthExample
Tellingsentence:Iwasreallymad.
Showing sentence: I ran to the door, threw it open with a loud bang against the wall, and
yelled,Getinthishouserightthisminute!Youarethreehourslate!
10) TenthExample
Tellingsentence:JimwassoangrythatBlairwasafraid.
Showingsentence:JimgrabbedthefrontofBlair'sshirtandslammedhimintothewall.Blair
foughttobreathe,hishearthammering.
11) EleventhExample
Tellingsentence:Theweatherwasbad.
Showing sentence: A harsh wind whipped through the trees. Dark clouds poured buckets of
rainthatoverrantheguttersandspilledontothesidewalks.

DRAWthereadersin;MAKEthemapartofwhatishappening.
SHOWthescene,GETtheminvolved,GIVEitadramaticimpact,
SHOWthemwhatshappeningnoworhowthingshappenedby
paintingyournarrativewithwords.USEfigurativelanguage
(similesandmetaphors),dialogueanddescriptivewords.

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Studentshandout

W R I T I N G
EXERCISES

Nowyoutryit!Writeashowing
sentenceabouteachtellingsentence.

1) Lisaisaspoiledchild.
2) Mymother/fatherisawonderful
person.
3) Sheisatalentedmusician.
4) Thepartywasgreat.
5) Mymotherbugsme.
6) Heeatslikeahorse.
7) Helookedguilty.
8) Thechildwasabrat.
9) Theabandonedhousewasscary.
10) Schoolisboring.
11) Myfriendwasangry.
12) Mydogiscool.
13) Sheactedolderthanherage.
14) Thetripwasfun.
15) Shechanged.
16) Astudentslifeishard.
17) Thenewstudentwaslonely.
18) Thesubstituteteacherwasstrange.
19) Theclassisterrific.
20) Thecarwasold.
21) Thedatewasromantic.
22) Mygrandmotherlookedsad.
23) Sheiscreative.
24) Thetestwasdifficult.
25) Theplacewasweird.
26) Shehasafantasticpersonality.
27) Iwasembarrassed.

28) Myroomisamess.
29) Thefoodatthepartywasincredible.
30) Theweathermademehomesick.
31) Thespeakergoteveryones
attention.
32) Theylivedhappilyeverafter.
33) Thestreetswerecrowded.
34) Thebookwasintriguing.
35) Campingisarewardingexperience.
36) Therelationshipchanged.
37) Thelosswasdevastating.
38) Theclimbwasexhausting.
39) Theconcertwasdisappointing.
40) Thelivingroomwasawarm,inviting
place.
41) Thecitywasbeautiful.
42) Myfriendwassteamingmad.
43) Thedriveinthecarwas
uncomfortable.
44) Ihaveadream.
45) Thosegirlsaresnobs.
46) Readingisimportant.

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WRITINGASSIGNMENTSHOW,DONTTELLGrade:_____

Students name: ______________________________ Date: ___/___/___

Telling sentence # ____:

Showing Sentence:

Telling sentence # ____:

Showing Sentence:

Period: _______

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Telling sentence #____:

Showing Sentence:

Telling sentence #____:

Showing Sentence: