BAD LATIN TRANSLATIONS ​for​ SINGERS 

Incorrectly translated by Anthony F. Knuppel on September the first, in the year 2,016 anno Domini 
 Bad Latin Translation for Singers
Incorrectly translated by Anthony F. Knuppel

Locus iste ​by Anton Bruckner

   
Locus iste   It’s a locust! 
a Deo factus est,  This is today’s fact 
inaestimabile sacramentum,  In a holy automobile 
irreprehensibilis est.  Which is reprehensible. 
 

Adoramus te ​by Giovanni Pierluigi da Palestrina

   
Adoramus te, Christe,  Some ramen for you, Chris 
et benedicimus tibi,  And it’s good for you, 
quia per sanctam crucem tuam  Why did you crush the Sprite can 
redemisti mundum.  In this realy misty world 
Qui passus es pro nobis,  He who passes out is a noble pro 
Domine, Domine, miserere nobis.  Domino’s, Domino’s, miserably noble. 
 

O sacrum convivium! ​by Olivier Messiaen

   
O sacrum convivium!  Oh sweet Vivian! 
in quo Christus sumitur:  Who Chris met this summer 
recolitur memoria passionis eius:  Bring back those passionate memories 
mens impletur gratia:  Men would greatly imply 
et futurae gloriae nobis pignus datur.  That in the future, Gloria will nobly ping the 
Alleluia.  data 
  Alleluia. 
Dona Nobis Pacem ​(trad.)

   
Dona nobis pacem  Donna paces nobly 
 
 

Ave Maria ​by Franz Schubert

   
Ave Maria, gratia plena,  Hey Maria, of the Great Plains. 
Maria, gratia plena,  Maria, Great Plains 
Maria, gratia plena,  Maria, Great Plains 
Ave, Ave, Dominus,  Have any Domino’s? 
Dominus tecum.  Technical Domino’s? 
Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus,  Ben told you in the tourist bus, and he told us 
Et benedictus fructus ventris (tui),  And he told us: ventilated fruits (for y’all) 
Ventris tui, Jesus.  Y’all ventilate, Jesus. 
Ave Maria!  Hey Maria! 
 

O Magnum Mysterium​​ by Tomás Luis de Victoria

   
O magnum mysterium,  Oh mysterious magic, 
et admirabile sacramentum,  And Admiral Sacramento, 
ut animalia viderent Dominum natum,  When animals vehemently dominate nature 
jacentem in praesepio!  Like jackals on a precipice! 
Beata Virgo, cujus viscera  Beat a virgo, brutally  
meruerunt portare  Make that runt cry 
Dominum Christum.  Dayum, Chris. 
Alleluia.  Alleluia. 
   
Adeste Fideles ​by John Francis Wade

Adeste fideles læti triumphantes,  In the dusty fields, a triumphant lady 

Venite, venite in Bethlehem.  A Venetian, a Venetian in Bethlehem 
Natum videte  A nature video 
Regem angelorum:  Rented in England 
Venite adoremus (x3)  Aromatic Venetian (x3) 
Dominum.  Domino’s. 
   
Deum de Deo, lumen de lumine  Day in and day out, little men loom large 
Gestant puellæ viscera  Digesting pulled pork 
Deum verum, genitum non factum.  Every day, gentlemen, these are not facts. 
Venite adoremus (3×)  Aromatic Venetian (x3) 
Dominum.  Domino’s. 

Ave verum corpus ​by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

   
Ave verum corpus, natum  The avenue is very fat 
de Maria Virgine,  Said Maria from Virginia, 
vere passum, immolatum  Green possum, sets itself on fire 
in cruce pro homine  It’s crucial for hominy 
cuius latus perforatum  Which has been perforated lately 
fluxit aqua et sanguine:  Fluctuating blue and bloody: 
esto nobis praegustatum  It’s a noble pregnant potato 
in mortis examine.  In a death exam. 
 
 
O Iesu dulcis, O Iesu pie,  Oh little dessert, Oh little pie, 
O Iesu, fili Mariae.  So little, filled with marinade. 
Miserere mei. Amen.  I am miserable. Amen. 
 
Introitus: Requiem ​from Mozart’s Requiem

   
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine.  I require it eternally, give me Domino’s. 
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.  And a continuingly luxurious ice cream 
Te decet hymnus, Deus, in Sion,  Your decent songs, today, are sung, 
Et tibi reddetur votum in Jerusalem  And your Reddit account in Jerusalem 
Exaudi orationem meam  Left me speechless 
Ad te omnis caro veniet.  Add your all-caring flyswatter 
Requiem aeternam dona defunctis, Domine.  I require it eternally, give me broken Domino’s 
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.  And a continuously luxurious ice cream 
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine  I require it eternally, give me Domino’s 
Et lux perpetua eis.  And luxury is forever. 
 

Lux Aurumque ​by Eric Whitacre

   
Lux, Lux  Luke, Luke 
Lux, Lux  Luke, Luke 
Lux, Lux  Luke, Luke 
Calida  A collision 
Calida  A collision 
Gravis que  With gravy 
Gravis que  With gravy 
Gravis que  With gravy 
Pura  Pure 
Pura velut aurum  Pure fool’s gold 
Canunt et canunt et canunt  Cannot and cannot and cannot 
Modo natum.  Stylize nature. 
 
O nata lux ​by Morten Lauridsen

   
O nata lux de lumine,  Oh, Nate and Luke who loom large, 
Jesu redemptor saeculi,  Jesse redeemed his parking voucher 
Dignare clemens supplicum  Money has been tight 
Laudes precesque sumere.  He thought to himself loudly. 
   
Qui carne quondam contegi  Who came without diseases? 
Dignatus es pro perditis,  Dignity is for losers, 
Nos membra confer effici  Our members’ efficient conference 
Tui beati corporis.  To beat the corporations. 
 

Kyrie Eleison ​(Gregorian Chant)

   
Kyrie eleison   Kyle is so happy 
Kyrie eleison   Kyle is so happy 
Kyrie eleison   Kyle is so happy 
   
Christe eleison  Chris is so happy 
Christe eleison  Chris is so happy 
Christe eleison  Chris is so happy 
 
O Fortuna​​ by Carl Orff (from Carmina Burana)

   
O Fortuna  How Fortunate 
velut luna  I hid the moon 
statu variabilis,  It changed into a statue 
semper crescis  Simply crashing 
aut decrescis;  Or not crashing 
vita detestabilis  In my detestable life 
nunc obdurat  Never obey 
et tunc curat  And bring me a tunic 
ludo mentis aciem,  Crazy old mints, 
egestatem,  Egg salad, 
potestatem  Potato salad, 
dissolvit ut glaciem.  Dissolved in ice. 
   
Sors immanis  Sores on my hands 
et inanis,  And grandma’s, 
rota tu volubilis,  Your afro is round, 
status malus,  Everything sucks, 
vana salus  Salty vanilla 
semper dissolubilis,  Simply dissolvable  
obumbrata  Refrigerator 
et velata  And a bike rack 
michi quoque niteris;  Michigan used to be abandoned 
nunc per ludum  Never crazy 
dorsum nudum  A naked door 
fero tui sceleris.  For your celery. 
   
Sors salutis  Say hello to sores 
et virtutis  And viruses 
michi nunc contraria,  Michigan never argues 
est affectus  It is affected 
et defectus  And broken 
semper in angaria.  Simply angry. 
Hac in hora  Be back in an hour 
sine mora  Nevermore 
corde pulsum tangite;  Touching your pulsing cords: 
quod per sortem  Sorted by what 
sternit fortem,  Hardcore sternum 
mecum omnes plangite!  Mine is all rubbery!