Dear YWCA director,

Enclosed are my edits to page 2 of your organizations Aquatic Manual. I kept my

edits to the style of The Chicago Manual of Style, 16th Ed. I must congratulate the
original author of the document for including few, if any, opportunities for
ambiguity, at least on the page which I had been assigned.
With that said, a few issues came up during my editing, and I have done my best to
address these while maintaining the integrity of the document. Besides the usual
edits for consistency, spelling and capitalization, there were several changes I made
which I thought should be best discussed in detail.
1. The tone of the document is inconsistent throughout the page. In some cases,
the sentences begin with please; in others, the entire sentence is
capitalized with multiple exclamation points. I have changed all such
instances to a neutral tone, excepting the final responsibility, Smile!. In this
case, I felt it more appropriate to keep the upbeat, cheerful tone.
2. Parallelism could be more closely followed, not just on my page but
throughout the document. Im sure this is something other editors have
mentioned as well. Various guidelines and rules start with adjectives, adverbs
or verbs almost arbitrarily. I modified the responsibilities so that they all
began with a verb, as that was the most common start on page 2.
Please contact me, either personally or through my firm, if you have any comments,
suggestions, problems, or misunderstandings with my edits. My number is 123-4567
during the day and 765-4321 after work hours. I hope that my edits were not only
helpful, but beneficial to the quality of your manual.
Kind regards,
Benjamin Fick