+++

date = "2016-09-26"
title = "Seven Houses"
author = "Steven Almeroth"
copyright = "2016 Steven Almeroth"
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# | THE FIRST HOUSE
blowfish. it all started with the blowfish i got in chinatown
walking Muladhara street day-dreaming toward home i began to feel light-headed .
i thought of the blowfish i just ate and smelled something fishy . i could see
there was going to be rough road ahead as i tasted it again off the tip of my to
ngue . i began to trip . i had taken psychedelics a few times when i was younger
so i was aware of the subtle changes to reality . walls melting like summer cho
colate, poles distorting like licorice standing, lights trailed like neon slow m
otion videos of bud-light comets and closeout-sale meteors . the moon split the
sky and was as a fire-white asteroid across the night . the pavement gave way to
a dirt road, the brick buildings were now ground-level mud huts and the cars be
came wild animals on the prowl . Bombay on a saturday night
my balance was out of balance and i began to stagger and sway . i spun round to
catch myself as i evaded a charging beast, growling in hunger . i spun the other
way so as not to fall but the beast doubled back and charged again . i spun a t
hird time and went down . i began to panic and feared my own death . i turned to
my left and saw a dark figure across the street in a raiders hoodie and my bones
ached as if the very marrow were freezing . my skin began to crawl up my legs a
nd into the base of my spine . thoughts of people killing me flooded my mind and
perception became as deluded as the syrupy ground below me . i had to defend my
self . confused i became angry but the confusion broke away from me and i didn t
know who was feeling the anger, was it me ? was it even *my* anger ? i blinked
my eyes and knew it was not my time to die and my survival was ensured
i looked down and my feet were giant crystals and a bird with aqua green eyes pi
cked me up and took me under her wing . my feet just off the ground we walked do
wn the street to a red and black house made of mud . inside, i smelled the most
wonderful fresh fruit and moist flowers and cooking spices . the warm room was a
ctually a bit stuffy but very clean and very cramped and full of trinkets large
and small and very full of people . we all sat grounded on tiny grass mats on th
e dirt floor as i looked at the girl with the aqua green eyes who brought me to
this house . that is when i realized she was only a baby, an infant really . and
i blinked my eyes . it seemed like it took me an hour to notice the people in t
he room, an hour to find my tea cup and an hour to pick it up . these people did
not rush, deliberate they waited with the utmost patience
i had a very comforting feeling in this cozy house . there were what appeared to
be homemade pastries and cookies and cakes on almost every one of the numerous
stubby little tables in the room . and then out of nowhere, from the hallway may
be, a small elephant appeared behind the baby with the aqua green eyes . another
hour passed and i felt the need to ask who these people were and to thank them
for their gracious hospitality when i received an answer . i had thought the ans
wer came from the baby, but the infants lips did not move, and of course, the bab
y could not have spoken . i am Baby Brahma, Ever watchful creator, bringer of pe
ace of mind and calmer of fears . i am Dakini Shakti, Protectress, Creator, Pres
erver, and Destroyer . and this is Alravata the Elephant who Searches for food a
nd takes orders . you have the right to be here: simply to exist and to take car
e of yourself, and have possessions . thoughts flooded my mind in rapid fire: of
the story of creation, of this world of illusion we live in, of anger, of greed

, delusion, avarice, and of sensuality

the infant with the aqua green eyes was now a young girl of maybe seven years ol
d and as she stood, i felt as if she wanted to leave and she wanted me to go wit
h her . but i wanted some cookies and cake and i wanted some more tea and as i l
ooked around and shared smiles with everyone in the room, i understood it was ti
me to leave . i took the girls hand and she led me out of the house to Svadhistha
na street . she pointed vaguely down the way and somehow i knew where to go . i
felt her squeeze my hand and turned to look down at her but she was already walk
ing back to her houses and in my hand was a Yellow Yantra Square, surrounded by
Four Red Petals facing the Four Cardinal Directions of Earth . she turned and wa
ved to me as i stepped over a piece of rope that was not a piece of rope but was
instead a coiled snake . i was tripping balls and i knew my incredible nights jo
urney had just begun
# | | THE SECOND HOUSE
as i approached the place down the way i became confused as to where to go . the
n i noticed her . she was the most beautiful woman i had ever seen: younger and
shorter than me, she was curved like a skinny guitar and her hair was like a lon
g golden breeze . her round face was so cute and her deep dark blue eyes were so
passionate that i instinctively moved toward her, slowly . as she approached i
had to stare . my prick tingled and i grabbed it with my right hand and covered
it with my left hand and squeezed it . as she passed close enough to smell, i ch
oked it as best i could and bit my lip so hard i tasted blood . i felt overwhelm
ed by my desire to grab her and throw her down
as she walked away i could see she was only a teenager and i felt a huge pang of
guilt . i looked down to find my hand covered in semen as a large oak leaf blew
into a puddle at my feet . i bent down to pick it up and a heavy rain began to
pour . i stood up to find before me an orange and brown house and the little gir
l with the aqua green eyes running toward me in the rain with a book over her he
ad . she grabbed me by the arm and led me toward the house where there were two
small ponds of fish in front of the house and two huge tanks of fish inside the
house
introductions were made at the table: someone said: i am Vishnu, The Preserver,
Embodiment of Right Living . this is Rakini Shakti, Inspiration to Worldly Art a
nd Music . be careful of this one, she is a Crocodile, Sensuous and Tricky . imm
ediately i found myself enjoying an incredibly delicious meal of fish and rice d
ishes and yoghurt curried bean curds with cheesy spinach and fried potatoes . th
ere were huge pitchers of water cold sweating on the light tablecloth . other pi
tchers were full of what looked like milk but tasted like rice water with cinnam
on, very yummy . the best meal i have ever eaten . we all took turns talking abo
ut family and friends and what jobs we all had and about the purity of true love
and about attachment to our lovers and to things we love . some people talked t
o the person next to them: i heard conversations of the control of the astral bo
dy as well as the value of entertainment, fantasy, nullity, jealousy, mercy, env
y, and joy
as i looked across the table i saw her sitting there sheepishly playing with the
food on her plate . the teenage girl with the dark blue eyes tried politely not
to stare at me as she did but seemed very happy when she got my attention . she
was so young and pure . a true virgin and a true beauty . again i felt the low
tingling and again i felt the pang of guilt . as i did she seemed to sense this
and appeared to resent that my emotions were spoiling some holy moment we were h
aving . at seeing this disappointment in her amazing blue eyes, i thought i saw
a crocodile behind her and the thought came to me: i have the right to feel: to
express and understand my emotions, needs, and wants . this brought a devious sm
ile to her face which sent me straight toward her and brought a young man to her

left turning her in conversation . how dare he talk to her . how dare he . i lo
st my appetite and became unhappy and unconcerned that manhood exposed my intent
ions to everyone there as i stood up and walked over and slid her chair back . i
thanked everyone for the meal and excused us from the table
# | | | THE THIRD HOUSE
outside she was so hot the night so i tried to get a glimpse of the upper vee of
the back of her thighs and i tripped over a blue plant shaped like a Crescent M
oon surrounded by six Red Petals with Water encircling the Earth and i tumbled i
nto one of the fish ponds and soaked my clothes . we both laughed and walked dow
n the street sweating and dripping wet . i wanted her to be impressed with my gr
eat comprehension of her language and wanted her to look up to me . so we walked
down to Manipura street and she wanted to go right but i wanted to go left . i
am not sure why i wanted to go left, and i am ashamed to say i think it was just
because i wanted to try and get her to do what i wanted instead of what she wan
ted . immediately i felt tired and hungry and a great thirst parched my throat .
we ended up going her way and shamefully i acted like the victim of a crime . m
y way was better and she was a fool for not seeing that . i became angry and not
iced a small animal like a baby rabbit hopping awkwardly at my feet . i bent dow
n to pick it up and it became a giant ram and galloped toward some houses
one small yellow house had burnt amber shutters and black smoke coming from the
chimney . on such a sultry night as this ? i started to walk towards it when she
grabbed my arm as if to say lets keep walking, we dont need to stop here . i hesi
tated and the house burst into yellow flames . i became angry at her and said sh
e was keeping me from doing what i wanted . i felt a pain in my gut and thought
of the atonement for ones errors, selfless service, charity and sorrow, the celes
tial plane and the wheel of dharma . i thought of my karma and of good company,
and of bad company and of being free to be myself . then all thought ceased save
one: i have the right to act: to be innovative and free . i felt strong and pro
ud and i turned from the girl and like the ram, ran into the burning building
inside was a beautiful woman almost as beautiful as the little puppy with the da
rk blue eyes . her face and body were covered with black soot and she was throwi
ng buckets of dirt and pales of water onto burning furniture and flaming curtain
s . i grabbed a bucket and after a long battle with the beast, we both distinctl
y saw a Fiery Red Triangle in the ceiling, surrounded by ten Blue Petals like th
e hottest part of the flame . we heard a voice coming from outside the house: i
am Rudra, Old Shiva, God of Destruction . Powerful, Angry and Detached . and i a
m Lakini Shakti, Goddess of Independence and Fire . hours passed and we had the
fire under control . hours passed and the fire was finally out
# | | | | THE FOURTH HOUSE
we were all outside the house after the fire when i realized the beautiful woman
i had spent so long with working side by side, bucket by bucket, flame by flame
was none other than the girl with the aqua green eyes . but now she was probabl
y 21 years old and a handsome young lady . she asked if i would walk her home wh
ich seemed weird to me because somehow i knew that it was her house that just bu
rned down . so we headed off down Anahata street . there was a feeling of great
accomplishment in the air . indeed the air was charged . i asked her if she was
going back to Muladhara but she said that her house just burned down and she fel
t restless and just needed to get away . i could feel the beating of my heart in
my chest and i could feel the baby fine hair on her as our arms nearly touched
. i rubbed my right arm with my left hand and reached out for her as we walked a
nd talked together
she grew silent and i knew something was wrong . she began to cry and then to we
ep heavily and finally she collapsed wailing upon my breast . she grieved heavil

y over her house, her home, and her old life . she wailed on and began her new l
ife there in the middle of the street in my arms . her wailing did not last long
as the sanctity of our moment in now was violated by an oncoming car and we mov
ed to the side of the road . the city was alive and the black plastic odor of sp
ent diesel fuel balanced the green fragrance of a freshly cut lawn . still in my
arms she drifted in and out of consciousness as we floated off the pavement and
above some trees surrounding a small greenish house with a pink rose garden
as we drifted between the old world on the ground and the new world in the trees
she slipped from my grasp . and as i reached out to her i saw myself with power
ful arms and powerful legs running after an Antelope . all time stopped as i too
k a deep inhale . with the strength of my out breath, i reached out to sink my c
laws in the haunches of the bouncing deer-like animal . up and down, up and down
, up and i came down on her ass hard breaking her rear legs as she sighed still
churning the front . i cleaned the flesh from the bones and then from my talons
. i offered some meat to my girl and she spoke to me with her aqua green eyes: i
am Ishana, Detached from the World. Peaceful, Beneficient and Ever-Youthful. i
am Kakini Shakti, Goddess of Spiritual Music, Poetry and Art . and i am the Ante
lope, Carrier of Innocence, Purity and Sensitivity
the world was crumbling below me but i felt love and loved because i had the rig
ht to love and be loved . i became acutely aware of my freedom from prejudice, f
reedom from low self-esteem and freedom from violent conflict . i looked up thro
ugh the air to the sky and saw a star surrounded by twelve Red planets that appe
ared as a Green-Gray sun as if there were smoke from all around . i felt a pain
in the right of my chest where my other heart would be and saw eight petals of t
he green-gray lotus in the sky fall to earth . i reached out and as i touched ea
ch one i felt: Dullness, Anger, Evil, Joy, Movement, Sexuality, Charity and Holi
ness . my girl with the aqua green eyes had such a rough day that she appeared t
o be in her late twenties now . i layed her head in my lap and closed my eyes an
d was in bed inside the green house with the pink roses where we slept side by s
ide for three days of darkness
# | | | | | THE FIFTH HOUSE
sometime during the dawn of the third sunless day i awoke to the sound of the ak
ashic record . my girl with the aqua green eyes was sitting on the foot of the b
ed with her back to me chanting along with the music: Am, Amm, Lm, Llm, Um, Uum,
Rm, Rrm, Lm, Llm, Em, Alm, Om, Aum, Aam, Ahm... the words went straight to my h
eart but i had a strong desire to be alone . i greeted her by moving to the wind
ow to see a brilliant blue sky . she looked older now . maybe thirty, and for th
e first time she looked old . i felt as if i could stay as long as i wanted with
her in this house, but i had all these new thoughts in my head and all i wanted
was to get out and explore . i could hear the sounds of a whole new world outsi
de . my girl wanted to stay and chant and have more sex but i grew weary of the
act and needed something more . i briefly thought of telling her of my thoughts
and actually communicating to her my ideas and how i felt . but instead i lied a
nd told her i had plans
immediately i heard the sorrow of sadness and felt a pain in my neck . i went no
isily down a flight of stairs and tried to say good bye to my hosts but i had a
frog in my throat and all i could muster was an uh-huh . i left the house and be
gan walking down the street . i had no destination but that didnt matter . i kept
a brisk pace because my head was so full of creativity like a thought factory c
hurning out solutions to the problems of my troubled world : the polluted popula
tion, the stifling isolation, the detachment from nature and the closing of the
cycle . as i walked from shop to shop, from street to street, from borough to bo
rough, i felt something was drastically different, but i couldnt make it out so i
kept walking . and then it hit me like an air horn

there were no cars . amazing ! everyone i saw was either walking or on a bicycle
. i could just make out trains hidden behind buildings . the sky was clear and
the only sound to hear was the voices of the people . people were talking to eac
h other on corners and waving to each other from their cycles . some bicycles we
re not even bi-cycles, they were tri-cycles and i even saw one with four wheels,
a quad-cycle with the whole family on board and everyone who could reach the pe
dals, did . i waved to the family in the auto-cycle and they smiled and waved ba
ck . i tried to say something, but i still could not speak . we heard someone ye
ll barney ! and the driver turned around to look and yelled back: hey smith, com
e over to the house tonight, i have your furniture all done !
it seemed that there were more children playing in the road than adults bustling
to and fro . so many children . and they had sticks and balls and yo-yos and we
re holding hands and spinning around laughing . some kids were in the many trees
and seemed content to just sit up there and stare down at the village . beyond
the modern looking buildings made of mud, i could see the construction of water
channels and solar collectors and giant turbine towers . in a patch of long gree
n grass amongst a grove of giant shade trees i saw a group of people in loose-fi
tting clothes moving as tho swimming thru water . i realized that the world was
fine the way it was and that i had done nothing . i needed to be a part of this
wonderful world . but what could i do ? i had so many great talents because i wa
s schooled at the right schools and lived such a life as only i knew . but my mi
nd failed me as the idea factory shut down and i couldnt think anymore . then the
sounds of the street muffled into a low rumble and then finally disappeared . s
ilence . i was deaf now as well as mute and could only watch the world go by
in my disabling condition, i was too shy to approach someone for help . i felt s
hut-out and the fear rose up to take me over as a wave of despair began to wash
over me . then the thought came to mind that just this morning i desired solitud
e and here i was unencumbered by the sounds of the busy world where all i had to
do was close my eyes to be alone . all these people and still terribly lonely .
alltho i was attached and dependent upon my hearing, i could smell the fresh ba
kery in the window and i could almost taste the pig being roasted in the alley .
i could see the the beautiful new world before me and i bent down to feel the d
ust in my hands . then a feeling of love and connectedness with everyone came ov
er me and i saw a remarkable blue house down the street in front of me that was
the exact color of the sky . i could not decipher where the house ended and the
sky began . the surreal image of this house appeared to be drawing the sky down
into itself so i instinctively began to walk toward it . i could faintly hear mu
sic which seemed to be getting louder as i got closer . standing upon the doorst
ep to the sky-blue house, the nondescript musical sounds formed a beat and invit
ed me . inside dozens of people were dancing and banging gongs or playing guitar
or drums and one woman had a flute, which sounded really great
someone handed me a gong and i joined in the rhythm . brrum, brrum, brrum . brah
m, brahm, brahm . over and over the course of a few different beats we played, i
developed a distinct awareness of my musical sound and of the people around me
and their individual musical sounds and then of the musical summary of the house
. i heard someone sing . we have the right to speak and hear truth, to be liste
ned to and spoken to honestly . we dont like no family secrets . Vishudda Jnana b
estows bliss . our vital life force affects the balance of all of the elements a
s we breath in the air that cleanses the body we breath in the air that regulate
s the blood flow thru this house where we communicate with divine wisdom in sixt
een different directions
i could feel the big love in the room and the deep words drew a healthy respect
for these incredible people who lifted me to some higher level and i felt reborn
without shyness enough to allow myself true self-expression which released many
emotions trapped inside me : Enmity, Shyness, Fear and Attachment . all release
d in that room and sent up to the sky . my playing was neither good nor bad : i

was just playing . the party felt neither right nor wrong : it just was happenin
g . the sky outside thru the window was neither light nor dark : it must have be
en dusk and i began to sing: Am, Amm, Lm, Llm, Um, Uum, Rm, Rrm, Lm, Llm, Em, Al
m, Om, Aum, Aam, Ahm
then came the sound of a thousand thunder claps as the ceiling flew away and a g
iant elephant descended from the heavens with a beautiful women riding on his he
ad . as i turned away and looked inward i heard a familiar voice: i am Panchavak
tra, The Great Teacher of Eternal Knowledge, Balance and Non-Duality. i am Shaki
ni Shakti, Bestower of Higher Knowledge and Powers: Memory, Will, Intuition and
Improvisation. here is Gaja the Elephant, Carrier of Confidence, Hearing and In
Tune with Nature . i heard someone looked under the elephant and saw my girl wit
h the aqua green eyes smiling and banging a gong to the music just like me . she
appeared to be about 35 years old now surrounded by a White Lunar Circle of Pur
e Cosmic Sound with sixteen people around her donning Purple-Gray robes . i reac
hed out my hand and we walked together outside to take a break . i said hello lo
ver . she said darling, you have your voice back and i smiled
# | | | | | | THE SIXTH HOUSE
we didnt have anywhere to go so we just started walking . i asked her about her d
ay and she told me about bicycles & trains, trees & children, wind & water, the
sun and the moon, river swimming and the rebirth of man . i said, yeah, me too !
and she told me she loved the new world and i had to agree . we both felt great
and we talked about what we wanted to do now . we briefly entertained the idea
of hoofing back to the party, but we decided we wanted to go Beyond the city and
head out to the Agnya dessert . no sooner had we this thought than i had a clea
r vision of looking down from a great height watching us stand below a giant Whi
te Circle where we were at the six oclock position . there was a purple house ahe
ad in the distance at the twelve oclock position and one Luminous road going lef
t thru nine oclock and one Luminous road going right thru three oclock . simultane
ously i saw an expression on my girls face that told me she saw the same picture
of the giant circle . but as soon as i recognized this knowing i thought it was
just my mind playing tricks on me so it was dismissed as a silly daydream
i pulled out some of my maps that i had collected and spilled some of my navigat
ing tools on the ground: magnetic compass and various scrolls . it was getting d
ark out and increasingly difficult to read my maps without the aid of a light .
but, unless i saw an optical illusion, i perceived the road to the left to lead
to the purple house . and remembering what happened on Manipura street, i knew e
ven before she spoke that she wanted to take the road to the right . i could def
initely make out the left road leading to the purple house, but she remained ver
y stubborn and wanted to go to the right . i told her that her perception was in
accurate, that if she could just see my map . but she couldnt, maybe because it w
as too dark already . i suddenly developed a terrible sinus blockage and my eyes
became heavy . i could see her eyes were very red
we made a bet to see who was correct and we parted in different directions with
some melancholy . i intuited a terrible premonition that i would never again see
my girl with the aqua green eyes and at the same time i had the feeling that i
would forever be with her . this dual perception, this apparent paradox seemed t
o darken my mood and my sinuses became even more blocked and it became slightly
difficult to breath and walk at the same time . but i headed left from Vishudda
street up Ham and turned to look behind me to see my girl looking back at me hea
ded in the other direction up Ksham . altho it was completely dark out now and t
he moon was nowhere to be found, the road i was on seemed to actually be illumin
ated from below and was rather easy to follow once i started on the path
along the way i saw all of the elements combining in numinous ways and my Spirit
ual Vision saw angels and archangels which up close appeared with terrible claws

and the gnashing of teeth . when i finally saw the matrix of all the elements c
ombined, my Spiritual Vision saw a single demon standing at the doorway to an in
digo house . further away, the road to the right was also illuminated and my Spi
ritual Vision saw my girl walk up and stand with me under the demon guarding the
doorway and holding a large mirror . hey you made it i smiled but looking aroun
d using my normal sight my girl was nowhere to be found . i approached the winge
d demon who appeared so white as to be almost silver translucent within a circul
ar aura of great white light with two luminous petals on either side . the creat
ure exuded pure Mercy, Honesty and Forgiveness and for the first time i had a kn
owing of my telepathic ability and expressed gratitude for being well come
the creature bowed its head and i knew to gaze into the mirror . within its frame
i saw my own reflection, but i seemed different somehow . i looked younger and h
ealthier and, tho traveling for days, did not appear weary in any way . but some
thing else was different about me . the looking glass appeared as a normal mirro
r, but i could not put my finger on it, what was different about me ? i concentr
ated on my face and with the mere thought of the powerful Bijan Mantra Om i imme
diately elevated my everyday reality to the meditative state . finally i realize
d what was so strange about me now . my eyes were aqua green . i did not blink,
however, and remained in the meditative state . how could this be ? had i been s
o wrong about my eye color before ? i had dark brown eyes . i mean, maybe if my
eyes were blue and now they seemed green i could say that the lighting is differ
ent here, or perhaps i had never really looked close enough . but my eyes were n
ot the same and i could now see as never before
the creature gave me the knowing: you are Ardhanarlshvara, Shiva-Shakti: Half-Ma
le, Half-Female, No longer Separate. you are Hakini Shakti: who Imparts Awarenes
s of Non-Duality . i continued to gaze within the mirror and saw my forehead as
an eye opens in the morning . slowly i saw myself approach the indigo doorway .
the creature knew me: you have the right to see: to see things things as they ar
e, to believe your perceptions, and to having the scope of your vision confirmed
. i heard girls laughing somewhere in the house upon entering . i passed a bouq
uet of vibrantly fresh flowers which i passed unsmelled . i was given to taste a
roasting lamb, but desired not the flesh to eat . gazing around the crowded roo
m i saw an onyx-eyed woman with straight black hair removing her clothes, but i
desired not the sight of her . feeling someone at my feet i looked down to see t
wo naked young women coiling up my legs, but i desired not their touch and i lau
ghed and let them slowly coil back down and away . i heard the sounds of fightin
g in the street but desired not to leave this house . i was awash in the most bl
issful feeling come over me never felt from food or fun, fight or fornication .
and i had a knowing: Ardhanarlshvara, you have Transcended the Senses and are a
self-aware neutral observer. you are Experiencing Atman: God-In-Self . at this i
laughed and kept moving
# | | | | | | | THE SEVENTH HOUSE
i sat in a dark corner of the room and i felt my journey was almost at an end bu
t i felt emotionally attached to this house and i did not want to leave . i thou
ght that to go on would mean that i would loose my own identity by giving up the
things that i loved: good food, beautiful women, soft skin, rhythmic music, fee
ding my senses, being spontaneous, sex, desire . i held onto these things as if
they had handles, but it was these things that added to my suffering when the cr
ops would not come in or when my girl began to look old with dry skin and bad mu
sic . if i was not rowing to the market for cheese or chasing a girl up a flight
of stairs or rubbing her arms or hitching a ride to a gig across town; then, i
was so bored and lonely that i read the words of a man i had never met and consi
dered his ideas tho i had never contemplated my own
i was attached to the world in more ways than i realized once i started thinking
about it . i felt so strongly about my cooking and my girl and my band that i w

ould not entertain the idea that i could ever give any of them up and certainly
not abandon all of them at once, all that i am . i felt i was going crazy insane
and wanted to end it all as i sat in that corner and watched all of these beaut
iful people in my life dancing about . the floor became as cream stirred into wa
ter but in reverse, lighter and lighter until it became clear that i could see t
he ground below . then i became the ground . the red earth: patient and waiting
. i looked up and saw the orange water rushing over me as i pushed it up from be
low thru a brand new spring . then i became the water: pure and flowing and i cl
eansed an old mans feet and face and hair
i looked up and i saw the yellow fire: angry and burning . then i became the fir
e and i destroyed an entire city . i looked down to see the green grass and i lo
oked up to see pink thru the air and i became the air everywhere restless . i lo
oked up to see the blue sky and i became the tone of the earth: alone and speedi
ng up past eight already . i looked in to god and the light went from indigo to
violet to white and god greeted me . i smiled and god went do you wish to come h
ome but i had no answer . no thoughts whatsoever . and god exhaled
i closed my eyes and inhaled long and slow . i was in thought . some years will
be better than others, besides, failed crops teach me to grow better, wiser . th
e thought of my beautiful new flower with the tender soft petals would forever b
e with me in my memory but today is a new day for memories . a new day to make b
eautiful music together . these things bring my suffering only if i suffer and o
nly bring my happiness if i am happy . i can make that choice every moment and e
very day . i was no longer in that purple house sitting in the corner . i was no
w free to roam here with god
i thought about someone keeping track of all the times in my life that i was hap
py and i made a bet with god that if i can double my happiness in the second hal
f of my life, then i want to be granted a place with you in heaven . and god ref
lected that i was granted a place home in heaven anytime i wanted . god doesnt ma
ke deals . maybe death makes deals, but i was not dying . i felt totally alive a
nd even tho i interpreted some days as good days and some days as bad days, each
moment was a chance to get back to balance
i looked up and saw me sitting on the floor of the purple house in the corner of
the room and i was talking to a purple elephant with a bright white crown with
seven encrusted jewels and i was wearing the same crown . i understood now that
my desire and activity and my senses dissolved into their primary cause and i wa
s not hungry or horny or bored . i could see a snake uncoil from under my body a
nd slither up my spine between two thin reeds and coil within the white crown an
d One Thousand Rainbow Colored Petals appeared over me . i felt like it was time
to act but i was not ready to go home yet . the world was so new . i felt like
a baby with so much to learn . yet, things were not so black and white, there we
re certainly gray areas
i wanted to connect to cosmic conscienceness, the more spiritual side of life, y
et i wanted to be a normal person . two words were completely useless to me now
and i had to remember them all over again: truth and reality . were they the sam
e i thought and a white fire radiated out from me like the center star and bathe
d the elephant and the entire room in blinding white light . i saw not myself ta
ke even one breath and then... i inhaled and i was back in my body in the purple
house which was now painted completely white sitting in the corner of the room
across from the purple elephant
i slowly exhaled OM AM AUM and the elephant looked to me: we have The right to k
now: the right to truth, accurate information, knowledge, and to simply know wha
ts going on. This includes spiritual knowledge and the right to connect with and
interpret the divine as we choose . i blinked and before me sat not the elephan
t but a young blonde . i blinked again and i recognized her . it was the girl wi

th the golden flowing hair and the amazing dark blue eyes staring into mine . sh
e began to slowly undress in front of me so as to entice me to be her lover . i
said oh very young one, you are a beautiful growing sprout in the spring, i woul
d not deflower you for your fragrance will surely melt even sweeter . if you tru
ly desire to be my lover, then you will go away from me and feel the warm summer
sunshine on your petals . if you truly desire my love you will return to me . s
o be gone oh very young one
i lived in that house both happy and sad, but mostly happy for twenty and six mo
ons and i sowed my fields and reaped my food and medicine for twenty and six moo
ns and amongst my kale and spinach my young one returned . you have returned to
me older now . for twenty and six moons you shall work with me in the fields to
show me you are a good worker . for thirteen moons we worked together and slept
apart and one fall day while gathering some of the oak leaves around the house,
i kissed her down into them and took her as my lover . she told me her name was
Sahasrara
i have returned to chinatown with Sahara many times since then . but i never ord
ered the blowfish again