ENGINOODS

THE

“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”

FEDS FUCK UP... AGAIN OR
ADMINISTRATION FUCK
DMINISTRATION S UP STUDENTS...
UCKS AGAIN
In another in a long running series of Feds fuck-ups, the Feds have finally fucked up something that people
seem to have both noticed and care about. It’s funny how our tuition is higher than ever and nobody fucking
complains, our traditions are raped on a monthly basis and nobody has done anything, but fuck with our
booze, and people finally get off their asses. While we at the Noods officially support the consumption of
alcohol in all of its glorious forms, we really don’t give a fuck about the fed bars getting closed.

First, let’s do the easy one. Fed hall is a shitty bar, and if you’re not a dum frosh, you probably never went
there. In fact, if you are a dum frosh, you probably never went there except during Frosh Week. Oh, you
mean no more Thursday “Get Drunk and Fuck” nights? How will I ever live…oh, wait-I can find some-
where else to drink.

And then there’s the Bomber. This really used to be

a decent bar-especially when Wednesday was “Rock
& Roll” night. Basically, people could just show up
and have a beer with your friends, and who knows
who you’d meet. People were dedicated to their
Wednesdays, some making over 100 in a row
(including workterms) and some flying in from as far
away as North Carolina just to drink there on a
Wednesday. Fast forward to today though, and you
have people fucking dressing up in club-wear to go to
the Bomber. This bar is not the place it used to be,
and trust us, you’re better off without it.

So, what does this mean to the average Engineering

student? Well, quite possibly sweet fuck all, since
most of us have better places to drink anyway. But,
for those of you who have feared to venture beyond
the Fed-managed bars, see our comprehensive list of
better places to drink than Fed and the Bomber on
page 2.

THE ENGINOODS INVADE THE INTERNET!

http://www3.sympatico.ca/enginoods
And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles...
If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you!
“There wasn’t much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So’s I spent most of my
time looking for beer.”
 PAGE THE SECOND
Brought to you by Cock Ring Warehouse.

PBD TOTALS
The Civs 85 So here’s the deal, you don’t get a class name until you’ve had 60 beers in
Mech’s on the Beach 75 POETS this term. Why? Because we say so.
1B Civ 38 -Fruit rollups for Bart. Beer rollups for Homer.
Exec 21 -Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.
3A Mech 20 -Alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.
3B Chem 19 -The college road trip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem.
1B Chem 17 -Ah that’s just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk.
4B Comp 14 -My name is Otto. I like to get blotto.
2A Geo 11 -Marge send the kids to the neighbours. I’m coming home loaded.
2A EnvCiv 9 -To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life’s problems.

Bars that are Better than Fed and the Bomber

(Combined...duh)
Poets-If you don’t know about this one, you don’t stand a fucking chance. We have beer, Feds don’t. We win!

Kick-Off-Not just a bar for Soccer freaks, this place is actually really good. Talk to Bill (one of the regular bartenders) for a
drink recommendation. Lots of great beers that the Feds wouldn’t go anywhere fucking near. Tasty chicken fingers.

Weaver’s Arms-We haven’t actually been here in a while, but we remember it was pretty good back in the day. Good food,
and quite a few beers on tap. Just avoid the live music nights-all the bands suck ass.

Harvey’s-They sell beer, but you have to know the secret password. Ask for “play-doh” with your combo.

McGinnis-Used to serve batch, used to endorse Engineers, and used to be good. Now they’ve raised their prices, and try
to cater to the club-fucks.

Mongolian-They have cheap martinis on Monday (if you’re into that kind of thing), otherwise, too expensive and not
worth going. They have burnt meat though, which is always a good thing!

East Side’s-Not a bar per se, but you can get beer with food. For all you dum frosh, they also take Watcards. You can’t
buy booze with em, but you CAN buy gift certificates…

Molly Bloom’s-Serves Guinness and Kilkenny, but way too expensive. Go to Kick-off instead.

Philthy’s-Cheap beer, big burgers, and porn on Wednesday nights (tell em the Noods sent you to get in).

Morty’s-Decent wings, and beer, and that’s more than you can say for the Bomber.

Ethel’s-The closest thing to the Brunny you’ll find outside of Toronto.

Paddy Flah..Flarh… KINGSBRIDGE-Waitresses in kilts, but a surprising lack of sheep. No shortage of beer though.

Failte-See Molly Bloom’s.

The Heuther-Great cheap beer, but no more strippers. This is actually a good thing, trust us.

Brick Tour-2 hours, 50 bucks, 25 people, all you can drink. Do the fucking math…

Grad house-15 beers on tap, cheap food, and you can’t come (especially Stan and Kyle).
“I am your father, Luke. Give in to the dark side of the force, you knob.”
 RANDOM SHIT
Wow... this shit just exudes randomocity!

Point - Counter Point - Ouch stop poking me.

In response to the university’s decision to close the
student run bars, Feds President Brenda
Whatshername vows to lock herself in her room and
hold her breath until the university gives the bars back.
The President, who has openly chided the administra-
tion for treating the students like children replied “We
want our bars back now! Now, now now, now, now!”
punctuating each now with a stamp of her foot. “U of
T gets to have campus bars, and Guelph gets to have
campus bars.” In retaliation, the administration replied
“Why? Because we said so. Now go to your rooms
with no supper, television or Nintendo for a week! …
oh and no more bars” In a press release today, the
administration claimed that “Our Feds were in need of
discipline, and to give them this needed discipline, we
are sending them all to military school (RMC).” In
reply, Whatshername said “You are not the boss of
me!” and after calling Amit Chakma a “poo-poo head”
she proceed to get drunk, stoned, pregnant and is
moving to Vancouver.

Cement

“I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it!”

 BACK PAGE
Hey there, shitty shitty fag fag.

COMICS

Contest: NOBODY sent in a fucking contest entry this week. What is it with you BSoc
fucks? We always got submissions on ASoc. Sure, some of them were shitty, but at least
they fucking submitted. Remember, the contest is just a suggestion-submit any shit you
think is funny.
THIS WEEK’S CONTEST: Write a Limerick using the line
“Dave Clegg was hit with a rock”
Submit to noods02@hotmail.com -and may there be many free hats in your future!
Send them in any standard format. Anything funky, and you don’t get a FREE HAT.

WERE YOU OFFENDED?

If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:

noods02@hotmail.com
If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this
shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Thank you for your time. Hope to hear from you soon.
Does anyone actually read this shit anymore? Paul is dead. If you did catch this, you might just have won a free hat!

“This movie was shot in 3B - three beers - and it looks good, eh?”