ENGINOODS

THE

“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”

Maria’s Pussy
Pussy,, Spread WIDE OPEN! See Page 4!
FEDS Attempt to Levy $11 000 000 fee increase on
Engineers
This week, the Federation of Students announced that it was filing a lawsuit against the University
Administration for 11 million dollars. This lawsuit, brought about by the recent bar closures, claims breach
of contract, as well as several other bullshit accusations created by a group of fucks who weren’t prepared
to negotiate on civilized terms. Now, assuming that we abandon all reason and this case actually makes it to
court, and assuming that due to some freak natural occurrence (say the planet Mercury being sucked into
the sun), the Feds win, who the FUCK did they think would have to PAY the 11 million dollars? Oh, wait-
all of the Feds exec are in regulated programs, so their tuition can’t be increased. Sure, the University can
cut services, but only to a certain extent without shutting down altogether or compromising their Maclean’s
ranking. Admit it-you know that’s all they care about. Just envision Pres. Johnson sitting in his dark office
stroking a copy of Maclean’s and muttering “My Preciousssss”. No, the only option for the University is to
increase student fees to cover the massive debt that it would owe the feds. Oh, wait-Engineering is
deregulated, so they can increase our fees as much as they fucking want. We’ve said it before, and we’ll
say it again-Fuck the Feds, we should get out while we still fucking can. Matan could have saved us, but
not enough of you fucks would get out to vote, so we’re super-fucked now. That’s what you get for not
hailing to the chimp!

Since we had too many complaints about having

too much writing and not enough fucking
pictures, this is for all you illiterate assholes who
keep complaining:

BAD JOKES DONE WITH

PICTOGRAMS

THE ENGINOODS INVADE THE INTERNET!

http://www3.sympatico.ca/enginoods
And you thought that the internet was safe for children and pedophiles...
If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you!

“It wasn't lies, it was just....bullshit.”

 POETS
The only room on campus not broken into yet! (this year)
PBD TOTALS...
not here because Garrett is a lazy
ass!

We, the 1B Chemmies who actually go to POETS regularly, have a message for you:

WE WILL OVERCOME.

That’s right. Chemical Bondage (with Clegg’s Mom) is on the rise. Not only are we breaking the Chem stereotype by
actually passing all of our courses (well, almost all of them), but in addition to that already stunning statistic, we, all
fucking THREE OF US, are actually FOURTH on the PBD! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PUSSIES?! Mike alone
(Garrett’s loyal follower, *WE ARE NOT WORTHY* …) drinks more than some classes do in a week! Needless to say, 1B
Chem is whooping ASS on a bottle-per-person-ratio basis. (This is especially in light of the fact that Garrett counts as
five alcoholics and therefore twenty-five normal people.) Now, now, we recognize that this week the 1B Civs are getting
big heads about beating the 1B Chems for yet another week. If you guys drank like we do (instead of like a bunch of
girls), your third place position might not be threatened as it currently IS.

With the PBD business out of the way, let us say that the official theological engineering midterm solutions printed in
this week’s issue of ENGINOODS were complete BULLSHIT. We had better answers. We were just too lazy to send
them in. Yes, we actually took the time to complete your midterm. Funny how getting drunk every Thursday and Friday
and then going home and passing out fucks up your schedule and you find yourself staying up all night with nothing to
do.

Well, wouldn’t you know? It’s Friday again – time to get really really drunk. Again.

In closing, an EDITORIAL REPLY-REPLY: You DARE diss up ENGINOODS? We only read it because it’s offensive and
profane! GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM! That’s what people want to read! And to save ENGINOODS some
trouble, the SSR of this letter is 0.025. SEE YOU IN THE BAR! (Mike will most likely be wiping his vomit off of it.)

A 1B Chem student … or two

You want offensive and profane-how about you pull your collective tongues out of Garrett’s ass and
try to figure out who the fuck you think you’re impressing. Wow, you drank a few beers, do you want
a fucking medal? If the only reason you’re drinking in Poets is to beat another class, please stop
now-it’s fucking pathetic. IF however you’re drinking in Poets to get fucking hammered two
afternoons a week before four in the afternoon while watching movies then you should have nothing
to prove to anyone. Drinking should be just for the fun of it-can’t we all just get along?

-It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarattes,
it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses
-Hit it
 DUM PEOPLE WRITING DUM SHIT
SHIT..
Really. Don’t read it. Just read our comments. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
We found this in our mailbox the other day, and decided to print it against our better judgement. Actually, we decided that it would
take up space, and we’ll print just about anything that isn’t Joseph Fung’s shit. That, and we can mock it.

Six Innocents Figered by Tool Bearers

Dateline; February 28th. (belch) MOT was rocked by scandal tonight. It was the most tasteless act of indecency in
POETS since Mary and Clegg’s movie nights of two year ago. The air was thick with the smell of ax6 axe. Although
they claimed to only be talking, the bearers and Rosie scored more ass in 30 seconds then they had in the past 2
months. Once the cries of “dirty hole” had died out and the floor had been thoroughly mopped, the bearer known only
as Jooky, proceeded to finger the the 6 innocents. w One of these innocents hi happens to be carrying the illegitimate
love child of a least one of the bearers. (have you ever birthed a hard hat?) Not wanting to miss out on the action, the
leader of the POETS™ Lager army jumped in. Without so much as a pause, the stakes were raised from one finger to
four. For those of you keeping score at home that’s 2 bearers and 4 fingers. After an extended fingering, the
bearers picked up their tool and made for the men’s room. En route a frothing Rosie, who was suffering from the
effects of a full moon (I believe her exact words ere, “Oh God, Nooooo”) grasped threw herself at the tool and
clasped it to her breast. She grabbed it so grasped it so firmly it required two bearers wrench her body from its
shaft. After subduing her on a POETS couch, not unusual for a manager, the bearer returned to the fold and they
exited an masse. This left the six fingered innocents shocked and dismayed. In order to deal with the mixed motions
the six innocents sought the only lubricant they knew, beer. Following beer and the catharis of writing of this article
on $7600 of therapy will be required. We only hope this therapy will take less time than it takes Matan to graduate
(we also hope it will be more effective than his campaign), And we all lived happily ever after.
Sturdy Balls, Pin in the Alley, Balls in Hand, Super Nerd, The Chandelier and The Instigator

First, we really resent having to type this shit out. Yes, the handwritten spontaneity is good, but not when we have to try to fucking
decipher it. Second, we have no problem with drunken ramblings. In fact, we’re quite fond of drunken ramblings, as long as they’re
FUNNY drunken ramblings. While this does indeed qualify as a drunken rambling, funny it is clearly not.

Cement

“One unused prophylactic........one soiled”

 MIDTERM MARKING TIME... AGAIN?
Ok, it’s a little late, but fuck, it means we don’t have to write anything!
1. Since Bob accelerated to almost the speed of light, he’s obviously attempting to compete with God. Since God is a
vengeful bitch and hates competition (see Dogma, 99), Bob is now damned. He’ll be struck down and go directly to hell
without passing GO or collecting any cash whatsoever. Satan will be pleased to add Bob’s light speed technology to his
“Satan Inside” line of products.
2. It is the natural order for Catholics to fuck sheep, which are never willing. If the Sheep was fucked in any unnatural
way (condoms for example), his atonement co-efficient will be approximately 0.35A, according to the bitches wishes at
the time. If the sheep enjoyed it, Sven gets a bonus of 1 Karma, but the previous rule still applies.
3. Sue is going the wrong way and doesn’t have a fucking clue what she’s doing when it comes to theology. If the Holy
Spirit is in the XY plane centered at the origin, she’s moving away from it! Several people tried telling Sue this, but she
insisted that she must have Lucifer’s new line of boots before Judgement.
4. Rapture is not a corporeal entity. The alligator will enjoy a lovely Cornelia Gumbo, she just won’t give a shit at the
time.
5. There is nothing in the world the Jews hate more than a Mormon, especially one without mass or friction. The Jews
believe that infinite elemental simulations should include all of the available data, so such simplifications are neigh on
blasphemy. Stan’s sin level is a number that cannot be expressed in human terms.
Based on Calista Flockhart’s last measurements:
0.3kg * 11 McBeal / kg = 3.3 McBeal
Which is pretty insignificant. Dude’s fucked no matter what, but he’s a mormon, so he’s smiling, smug, dumb, and
fucked harder than a $10 crackwhore.
Extra:
E = (25g + 20ml * D)*c^2
Though that makes for a really small saviour. If that’s all He’s got, we might as well accept Nietzsche’s arguments now.

YOU WANTED PUSSY?

We give you pussy! ...spread wide open. Not
only that, but it’s only 11 years old! It’s hard to
get fresher pussy than that! Maria likes to play
with her pussy on a regular basis. It loves toys,
drugs, and more than the occational petting. It
gets along great with other pussies. On a bet,
Maria says she’ll even shave her pussy.

THIS WEEK’S CONTEST: Put a caption on Maria’s pussy!

If we think it’s funny, FREE HATS will rain down upon you.
To submit, submit your submissions to noods02@hotmail.com

WERE YOU OFFENDED?

If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:

noods02@hotmail.com
If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this
shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. Bambi Meets Godzilla! Thank you for your time. Hope to
hear from you soon. Does anyone actually read this shit anymore? If you did catch this, you might just have won a free
hat!
Bottem of Page Quotations Brought to you by: J Jonah Jamison, Darth Randall and The Letter ‘J’

“You see, we're on a mission from God”