Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Noods3 4
Noods3 4
THE
Fuck you,
PBD TOTALS
2B Civ 29 Acid
1B Mech 24 Pot
1B EnvCiv 22 Shrooms
4A Mech 16 Mescaline
2B Softies 16 E
‘Noods 15 Speed
4A Comp (C) 11 Black Tar
2B Mech 10 Laudnum
BeerBarons 10 Nose Candy
3A EnvCiv 6 Angel Dust
3A Chems 5 Crack
As well, new projects have been announced for every engineering department:
Chemical – Increasing Yields and Improving Extraction Processes
Electrical – Automated Lighting and Watering Systems
Civil – Improved Greenhouse Design
EnviroCiv – ‘Testing’
Geo – Soil Analysis
Comp – Nothing
EnviroChem – Optimal Hot Box Studies (by trial and error)
Systems – Tie Dye!
Softies – Count our weed
Mechs – Food Run
Cement
“Didja ever look at a dollar bill man? There's some spooky shit goin' on there. And it's green too!”
SAFETY TIPS FOR THE SUMMER
You can’t be too careful.
Summer is a time when people kick back a bit and tend to neglect their safty. Today I want to take the time to
help you protect yourself against the biggest menace around this season. I could talk about the silly mad cow,
but that is just small change compared to the real menace. SARS, Bah!, it’s a minor inconvenience. It only
shut down tourism in Canada. People are scared to travel to Whitehorse because it’s in Canada, and isn’t that
where they have SARS?. But no, this is not our illustrious governments focus this summer. You might think
they would watch the roads for people who have a tipple or twelve to drink before gunning down Hw 69 at
140km/h in their 9MPG hummer, but we have found otherwise. No folks, our OPP have decided to crack
down on a rash of lawesness so severe, so perverse it will tear at the very fabric of our country. They have
cracked down on not carrying flashlights in your canoes. Yes folks, instead of using our ‘underfunded’ police
for actually maintaining law and order, they are worried that someone might not have a flashlight at high noon
on a cloudless day, 50 feet from shore in a canoe. Why you could fall in and someone might not see you!
Help I can’t swim 50 feet, so why the fuck would I be out in a canoe? This really happened to me.
On this note, the Noods presents summer safety tips.
1 Carry a flashlight in your canoe.
2 Don’t use your gas BBQ inside.
3 Soak yourself in pure DDT for at least 15 minutes before going outside. For any reason. Even in
case of fire.
4 Carry a flashlight while biking.
5 Don’t pour gasoline on a campfire.
6 Carry a flashlight while fucking.
7 Do pour gasoline on Buddhist monks.
8 Don’t walk between a mother bear and her beer.
9 Carry a flashlight while driving.
10 Drink water. But careful you don’t drink too much: It has an LD50 you know. Beer on the other
hand does not as far as we know. Go beer!
11 Don’t mix bleach and Vinegar to clean your bathroom / pool / teeth.
12 Fuck tha po-lice (but carry a flashlight while doing it)
13 Want to cross the street? Not without a flashlight you won’t.
14 Carry a flashlight while sunbathing
noods02@hotmail.com
If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this
shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. This page will self destruct in 10 seconds. Thank you for
your time. Hope to hear from you soon. Does anyone actually read this shit anymore? If you did catch this, you might
just have won a free hat!
Bottem of Page Quotations Brought to you by: J Jonah Jamison, Darth Randall and The Letter ‘J’
“That's what I like about these high school girls, I keep getting older, they stay the same age.”