Nowhere Town Libretto

NOWHERE TOWN
Hal Duncan
CHARACTERS
JACK FLASH
a punk rock singer bent on self-destruction
CHORUS
a drunk, Jack's guide through the underworld
PUCK
Jack's lost love, a gay punk in suburban hell
PROPRIETOR
owner of the Hellhole
FAY
owner of the record shop, Puck's almost-friend
JOEY
guitarist in Fagsmoke, Jacks childhood friend
GUY
long-suffering manager of Jack's band, Fagsmoke
BARMAN/BOUNCER staff member at various establishments featured

FATES
three female regulars
REGULARS
customers at various establishments featured
NEDS
small town dicks, pricks and fucking hicks
STAGING
A raised platform takes up the back-right quarter of the stage -a stage upon the stage, a dais. At the far-right of this is a
counter running up-stage to be used as bar, shop counter, etc. A
road sign with the words NOWHERE population: zeroes is at the
back of the dais. A piano and drum kit sit in the back-right
corner.
PROPS
One door frame with a sign over it saying NO EXIT.
(NB.
Ideally the sign should be neon, with the NO able to be switched
on and off throughout the show.) This will be moved about the
stage during the performance, used to define different areas where
the stage represents e.g. both interior and exterior. A record
shop display stand. Tables and chairs.
TIME / SETTING
ACT I
Scene 1
Now
A ballroom gig venue, Wherever City
Scene 2
Now
Backstage & outside the gig venue
Scene 3
Limbo
A seedy dive on the road to Hell
Scene 4
3 years ago
A record shop in Nowhere Town
Scene 5
3 years ago
The streets outside the record shop
Scene 6
3 years ago
A suburban home
& a small bar/club gig venue
Scene 7
3 years ago
A punk squat
Scene 8
Limbo
The seedy dive of Scene 3

ACT I
Scene 1
Eternity
The streets of the underworld
Scene 2-4
Eternity
Inside an infernal night-club
Scene 5-6
Eternity
The streets of the underworld
Scene 7
Now
As in Act I Scene 2
Scene 8
Later
Outside and inside an hospital room
Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 1
OVERTURE
Staging 1: No staging.
closed / lights down.
The overture plays with curtains
Staging 2: The overture begins with the curtains open on

a dark, empty stage -- the door back-centre. One by one,
the key supporting cast members enter in time with the
entrance of their musical theme.
CHORUS enters with the fiddle refrain that begins the
music.
The FATES enter with horns and/or vocals.
JOEY and the rest of Fagsmoke take their place on the
dais, as if rehearsing for a gig.
Enter the PROPRIETOR and the REGULARS, who begin to dress
the set. Imagery of travel from a band's tour is
projected on the back of the stage -- highways and
streets seen from a moving bus, posters for Fagsmoke
gigs, road signs -- until the sign for "Nowhere:
population zeroes" is revealed. (NB. The projected
imagery is optional, could be scrapped if impractical.)
Enter PUCK, through the crowd of REGULARS. In silhouette
and/or behind a screen, we see two figures arguing. One
throws a bottle, shoves the other away and walks to the
door:
Enter JACK, as the overture kicks into the chorus of
"Nowhere Town".
Through the rest of the overture we see PUCK struggling
with the PROPRIETOR, trying to get across the stage to
JACK but failing, while we see JACK causing trouble with
the rehearsing Fagsmoke members. During this the
REGULARS exit, only to file back on afterwards, through
the door, as the crowd attending the Fagsmoke gig. As
the music comes to its close, lights go down on all but
CHORUS, centre-stage -- except for a brief spotlighting
of the FATES behind him, and JACK and PUCK standing
forward-stage on opposite sides, as the fiddle gives way
to the overture's coda.
Curtains close / blackout on all but CHORUS, who walks to
the wings to pick up his props.
PROLOGUE
CHORUS, dressed in a shabby black suit, with a red and
black striped top underneath, and wearing a bowler hat
and small round shades (part punk, part cabaret, Alex
Harvey does Jacques Brel), wanders casually (back) onto
the stage, carrying a book in one hand, and a cigarette
and a glass of absinthe in the other. He reads from the
book.
CHORUS
Alone among the gods Death has no
love for gifts; neither by
sacrifice nor by libation can you
bend his will. He has no altar,
and no hymns of praise; from him
alone of all the daimones
Persuasion stands aloof
(closing the book)
Aeschylus.
[raising the glass]
Absinthe.
(He clears his throat)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and
girls.
I bid you welcome, from a drunken
poet, to a cruel world.
Be seated, take your coats off,
just kick back.
We have a tale for you tonight, my
friends, the tale of Jack.
(beat)
This is a tale of Love and Death.
This is a tale of those two
thieves of breath.
This is a tale we hope to make
your hearts swell.
This is a tale of how the living
go to Hell.
(beat)
So, if youll indulge me in one
thing, well start the show
If you will summon song with me
and chant Hey Ho, Lets Go
REGULARS
(behind the curtain)
Hey Ho, Lets Go Hey Ho, Lets
Go Hey Ho, Lets Go Hey Ho,
Lets Go

The REGULARS repeat the chant increasingly louder as
CHORUS urges the audience to join in until:
Curtain rises / lights go up
ACT I. SCENE 1:
A GIG
A rock gig. A dais -- a stage upon the stage -- fills

the back-right quarter of the stage. JACK and JOEY stand
on this along with the rest of the band, facing stageleft. JACK, with flame-orange spiky hair, and wearing an
antique military-style jacket and black leather jeans, is
archetypal old school punk a queer Johnny Rotten.
JOEY, with biker jacket, jeans and long, dark hair looks
like one of the Ramones.
Behind them - ie. stage-right -- is a counter which
remains throughout the play serving as bar, shop
counter, etc.. Backdrop to the platform is the road
sign, one of the bands props, which says Nowhere in
large letters and, underneath, population: zeroes.
Stage-front represents the wings of the gig venue.
Stage-left, a BOUNCER holds back the crowd of REGULARS.
As the band plays, every so often one of the REGULARS
tries to climb up onto the platform - with JACK egging
them on -- but is dragged off by the BOUNCER. Throughout
all this, JACK is bouncing around the stage like a wild
man, snarling and angry, dodging plastic pint tumblers,
taunting the crowd.
SONG: NOTHING IN MY SIGHT
JACK
No gods. No masters.
No global robber barons.
Theres nothing wrong? Theres
nothing right!
Theres nothings left; theres
nothing in my sight.
No red. No green.
No black. New scene.
See the world in a cold white
light.
Nothings left; theres nothing in
my sight.
(pause)
Cause theres nothing to fight
for.
Nothing to die for
Nothing to live for.
Nothing to declare.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing in my sight.
(pause)

Jubilee celebrations
(JACK shakes his head in disgust)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Yah-de-yah-de- Masturbation!
(JACK walks off the dais, to the front of stage. The
REGULARS make angry noises as the rest of the band try to
keep the song together, JOEY going into a guitar solo.
GUY -- in cricket whites and old school tie, with a
pencil moustache, Malcolm Maclaren meets John Waters -comes on from stage right. He leans in to shout in
JACKs ear. JACK shakes his head. GUY lifts his hands
palm-upwards, placatory, then points towards the
REGULARS. JACK shrugs dismissively. More gestures by
GUY indicate pleading. JACK eventually walks back onto
the dais.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
(contemptuously)
Who gives a fuck about the fucking
jubilee?!
(The REGULARS cheer. JACK shakes his head, looks away
for a second, sickened, then throws himself back into the
song)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Jubilee celebrations
For a fucking coronation.
Loyal subjects. Divine Right!
(JACK makes a Nazi salute)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Nothings left; theres nothing in
my sight.
(He points at the crowd, accusing them, with total
hostility)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Anarchist?! Nihilist?!
Fuck that. Get pissed.
Did you forget that nothing is
true?
One law: do what you wanna do.
(One of the REGULARS breaks through the security barrier,
tries to get up on stage, but is dragged off by the
BOUNCER.)
JACK (CONTINUED)

for.
Nothing to die for
Nothing to declare.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing in my sight.
(pause)
No victim. No hero.
Im just another zero.
Looking for a cause to fight.
Cant see for the nothing in my
sight.
No hope. No fear.
My way has come clear.
I got nothing to lose tonight.
Ground zeros here, my time is
right.
(JACK bellows - a wordless, animal roar)
JACK (CONTINUED)
for.
Nothing to die for
Nothing to declare.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
Nothing in my-(JACK stalks the stage, as the music gets wilder.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Nothing! Nothing!
Nothing! Nothing!
Nothing! Nothing!
(JACK punches the air or points at the offstage crowd
with belligerent accusation as he screams this line over
and over again.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Nothing in my -- nothing in my
sight!
JOEY unplugs his electric guitar and walks off the dais,
exits stage-right.
JACK dances and struts around, taunting the crowd, amid
sounds of shouting and smashing glass. The REGULARS
begin to throw plastic tumblers (and sugarglass bottles,
if possible).
JACK
Come on, ya motherfuckers! Whores
and motherfuckers! Fuck you!
(He dodges a tumbler)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Ah, you throw like a fucking girl!
Enter CHORUS, stage-left.
CHORUS
What do you need to make a punk?
Spit and venom? Blood and spunk?
Come on.
got.
JACK
Gimme everything you
CHORUS
A sprinkling of Stardust, a pinch
of Pop. A little bit of Rotten,
Vicious fop.
JACK
Bottles, grenades, whatever youve
got
CHORUS
Our boy, Jack Flash, heres got
the lot. The snarl, the strut,
the sneer, the snot.
JACK:
You nearly got me, but you missed
again.
CHORUS
Antichrist Superstar, Leopard
Messiah. Top of the world, ma,
couldnt get much higher.
(JACK flicks a two finger salute at the REGULARS.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Only question then is why,
exactly, does he want to die?
JACK staggers offstage.
Exit CHORUS.
Lights come up on the REGULARS and they slowly exit

stage-left.
SCENE 2:
BACKSTAGE
Staging as before. Enter JACK and JOEY, front-right, in a

shoving match, working up to a fight. GUY enters behind
them and tries to separate the two.
JOEY:
Every fucking gig! It's been
three years. Three years of this
bullshit. When are you going to
deal withJACK
Fuck you!
JOEY shoves JACK and he staggers to the centre of the
stage, falling and obviously too drunk to get up.
JOEY
Look at you. You cant even
fucking stand up.
He turns away in disgust.
JOEY (CONTINUED)
Ive fucking had it. Fuck this
shit. Just fuck this.
JACK
Fuck you. Ill fucking have you
right now.
(He tries to stand up, slips back down, and collapses,
lying on his back, arms spread out.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Bastard.
JOEY looks at him, shakes his head. GUY gives him a
give the guy a break look, and steps between the two,
beckoning JOEY back. He stands over JACK, his arms
crossed.
GUY
Is that you finished then?
JACK
(proud of himself)
Finished Fucked! and finished.
GUY
Can we all go back to the hotel,
now?

(He looks over at JOEY, who shakes his head.
a fist triumphantly)
JACK raises
JACK
I am absolutely fucking finished!
JOEY
Im not sharing a taxi with that
tosser. I'll fucking walk.
JACK waves one arm in an impression of a Hollywood
stereotype, the wounded comrade.
JACK
Leave me here. Go on without me.
Save yerselves. Im done for.
He starts laughing.
Enter CHORUS stage-left, bringing on a door frame with an
EXIT sign above it which he places centre-stage,
touching the corner of the dais. The other characters
pay no attention to him. GUY looks wryly at JOEY.
GUY
We cant leave him here.
JACK
Thas right. Never leave a man
behind!
(quietly. seriously)
Never leave a man behind.
JOEY
Fuck this. Ive had it with him,
Guy. This is just the last
(shaking his head)
He can go to Hell.
JACK
(to himself)
Im already there, mate.
already there.
GUY
Joey.
JOEY
(reluctantly)
Ah fucker.
He helps GUY drag JACK upright.
JACK
(pitiful)
Im

Youre a true friend.
JOEY
And youre a true fuck-up.
That I am.
Im sorry.
Im sorry.
JACK
Im sorry, Joey. Guy,
Im an asshole, and
JOEY
Whatever.
JACK
No, really. Youve been there
for me. And Ive been a prick.
(Jack gets himself under control, shakes his head as if
to shake off the drunkenness. He is still unsteady on
his feet, but as he looks up at JOEY he speaks more
clearly, more considered.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Im fucked up, man. Sometimes
its just sometimes it just hits
you
JOEY
Yeah, well, do you need to fuck up
every fucking gig?
JACK
Im sorry, Im sorry man, its
just, Im sick of of fucking
wanking off a crowd of fucking
teenage tossers that think theyre
fucking anarchists, man. Im
sick of the same old fucking
bullshit. How long have we been
playing that fucking song? I
mean, who really gives a fuck
about the fucking Jubilee? Its
just adolescent fucking posturing.
GUY
So write something new. Give them
something you do believe in, Jack.
Just be yourself. You have a
talent. Use it. Christ, the
bands big enough now; you could
do anything you want and theyll
eat it up. Youve got other songs
in you, Jack. I know you do.
Theres Nowhere Town -

JACK
(shoving him away)
No!
(pointing at him)
No.
(beat)
Whats the fucking point?
JOEY
(turning away, sickened)
Lets just get the fuck out of
here.
JACK, JOEY and GUY walk to the doorway and step through.
Muted traffic noise signals theyre on the streets
outside.
JACK
Alright. Wheres the fucking
taxi, then?
Enter a group of NEDs from stage-left.
NED
Check it out.
you are, eh?
Who do you think
JACK
(derisively)
Nice hair, mate.
NED
Fucking big man, eh?
JACK
(taunting)
Hung like a horse. Why, you
looking for some action?
NED
Ill give you some fucking action,
poof.
JOEY
(laughing)
Are you for real?
JACK advances towards the NED.
JACK
(mocking)
You gonna have me then? You gonna
take me? You wanna fuck with me,
eh?

Come on.
GUY
Leave it, Jack.
NED
Fuckin gayboy.
JACK
Thats right, mate. And you look
just like the arsehole that I
fucked last night.
(The NED starts coming for him.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Aye, come ahead.
NED
(reaching into his
pocket)
Ill fucking do you.
JACK
How hard are you? Bet youre not
as fucking hard as me right now.
Jack grabs his own crotch and leers.
The NED jumps forward, pulling his hand from his pocket
and driving it into JACK's stomach. JACK grabs him,
holding himself up, and kisses him on the mouth. The NED
pulls back and punches him again, several times, until
JACK grabs his hand. As JOEY starts for the NED and GUY
moves towards JACK, the NED steps back, stops for a
second as if in shock, then flees stage-left, the other
NEDs with him. JOEY runs after them, offstage. JACK
doubles over, hands to his stomach, and falls to his
knees.
JOEY
(offstage)
Aye, run, ya bastards!
Run!
GUY
Jack. Are you ?
JACK
(on hands and knees)
Aw, fucking hell. Fucking hell.
GUY
Just stay there. Stay there for a
bit. Dont try to get up.
(walking off stage-left)
Joey!
(offstage)

Joey!
JACK crawls to the edge of the dais and slumps against
it. He pulls a bloody switchblade from his stomach,
holds it up and drops it on the stage.
JACK
Aw, fucking hell. Man down.
(he laughs, coughs)
Officer, we need assistance. We
have a man down Guy!
(as he tries to stand
up)
I think I may be in trouble here.
JACK collapses.
The lighting begins to strobe. We hear a horn, muted at
first, getting gradually louder and louder.
JACK clambers to his feet using the doorway for support.
JACK
(swaying)
Oh, fuck. Is this moving, or is
it me?
(He picks the doorway up, turns 180 degrees and dumps it
down behind him. The lighting suddenly stops strobing
and the horn cuts off.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Definitely me.
Exit Jack, staggering drunkenly, stage-right.
Enter CHORUS stage-left. He picks up the switchblade,
wipes it clean with a handkerchief, then closes it and
puts it in his pocket. He moves the doorway up to the
front-left of stage. A handful of REGULARS enter,
bringing on a couple of chairs and tables, which they
place in the area stage-left. They sit at the tables or
stand at the counter. Meanwhile, a BARMAN enters with a
mop, walks over to where JACK was lying and clears up the
(invisible) bloodspill. The FATES stand by the piano.
CHORUS clicks his fingers and the word NO lights up on
the door sign, directly above the EXIT. He delves into
his pockets and brings out a bottle and a glass, pours
himself a drink and lights a cigarette.
CHORUS
So whats the colour of night?
The dull, volcanic glow of
streetlights, halogen orange

reflected, muted on cloud-cover
overhead or jarring, clashing,
neon red? Nah, that aint true.
(he takes a drag from
his cigarette then, as
the stage-lighting
changes:)
The colour of the night is blue.
SCENE 3: THE NO EXIT LOUNGE AND BAR

Enter JACK through the doorway. He walks to the counter
to order a drink from a BARMAN, who is dressed in the
classic white-shirt/black tie style, sleeves rolled up.
JACK
You still serving?
yet?
Its not time
BARMAN
Time?
JACK
Last orders.
BARMAN
We keep irregular hours for our
irregular regulars. What can I
get you?
JACK
A Rusty Nail.
BARMAN
Another one for the coffin, eh?
(as he starts pouring)
Youre not from round here, right?
You wont have had the pleasure of
the No Exit Lounge and Bar before
then, eh?
CHORUS walks up to lean on the piano, flipping a coin.
Nah.
JACK
Just passing through town.
BARMAN
On tour - I can tell -- its
always the musicians that end up
here. Take Chorus, for example.
You going to give us a song, then,
Chorus?
JACK
Chorus?
(CHORUS makes a little salute at JACK and the BARMAN,
then leans over the piano to speak to the pianist. The
tinkly jazz becomes the intro for That Great Big
Sanatorium In The Sky. The FATES begin backing vocals.)
JACK (CONTINUED)

What? Does he have a brother
called Verse, then?
BARMAN
Actually it was a sister called
Orchestra.
(beat)
Tragic story. He sings about it
wonderfully, though.
JACK
(skeptical)
Right.
JACK takes a slug of his drink.
BARMAN
Yes sir. They all end up in here
eventually. Musicians poets
artists writers
JACK
Drunks?
BARMAN
Those too. So whats the next
stop on your tour, my friend?
Where are you headed for now?
JACK
(snorting, with a shrug)
I wish I knew, mate. I wish I
knew.
SONG: THAT GREAT BIG SANATORIUM IN THE SKY
CHORUS
Im a man who cant afford
To splash out on Betty Ford,
So Ill probably keep on drinking
till I die.
Though I hope Ive got a future
In a state thats not dementia
And I know that I can make it if I
try.
But theres those twelve big steps
to Heaven,
And Im stuck on number seven
And Im going one step forward,
two steps back.
Though Ive prayed so many times
Its mostly been for one more dime
Just sos I could buy another
bottle of Jack.

(He moves to a spotlight on the dais.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
But I know.
Oh, yes I know.
On that day, that day, that
marvelous day.
When the demon drink dont take
me,
And the God above dont forsake
me,
Then Ill wake me with a smile, by
and by,
In that Great Big Sanatorium In
The Sky.
(He steps down from the dais, strolls over to one of the
seated REGULARS, puts an arm around his shoulder.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Now theres a man who is unhappy
With the seven layers of crap he
Has to deal with every hour of
every day.
Hes a bona-fide depressive
And theres gradually less of
Him as he drinks his blues and his
soul away.
Now I dont have his excuses
But we share the same abuses
So Ill buy for him one day and
vice-a-verse
And weve shared so many jokes,
So many drinks, so many tokes,
That well probably share the same
damn funeral hearse.
(He raises his arms like a supplicant to the gods.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Oh, but when?
Lord, when?
marvelous day.
When the demon drink dont take
me,
And the God above dont forsake
me,
Then Ill wake me with a smile, by
and by,
In that Great Big Sanatorium In
The Sky.
(He strolls across the stage, approaches JACK.)

CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Therell be docs and nurses there
And all kinds of folks who care
Even when you really couldnt give
a fuck
And theyll take you in at night
Though you rage against the light
Thats dying in the gutter with
your luck
And theyll raise you from your
knees
And theyll listen to your Please
Dont let me be the way I am, not
any more.
And amongst the drunks and junkys
Theres a burnin lovin hunk.
Hes
In a jumpsuit and hes waiting at
the door.
(He lays a hand on JACKs shoulder, singing to him.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Cause I know.
Oh, yes I know.
marvelous day.
There will be Elvis.
There will be Elvis.
There will be Elvis to meet me
when I die.
And hell take me, and lead me, as
my guide
To that Great Big Sanatorium In
The Sky.
(pause)
CHORUS and JACK both down what they have left of their
drinks at the same time.
JACK
(ironic)
That was very uplifting.
CHORUS
(equally ironic)
No matter how bad today is,
theres always tomorrow.
CHORUS and JACK nod at each other, then both turn to the
barman, simultaneously.
JACK & CHORUS
Absinthe.

They look at each other. The BARMAN pours two glasses.
JACK and CHORUS clink glasses in a silent toast. Both
down them, beckon for a refill. The BARMAN pours another
two glasses.
JACK
What are we drinking to?
CHORUS
Dont know about you but Im
drinking t the dawn.
JACK
Im drinking t I pass out
CHORUS
Tried that once.
it.
I didnt make
JACK
What happened?
CHORUS
No idea. Its all a bit of a
blur. Cheers.
JACK
Cheers!
(They down their drinks, beckon for a refill, which the
BARMAN provides.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
So what should we be drinking to,
dye think?
CHORUS
Whatever it is were drinking for.
JACK
Ill drink to that.
CHORUS
To that!
BARMAN again provides.)
CHORUS
So what brings you here at this
god-forsaken hour of the morning?
JACK
Just stopping for the old post-gig
libation. My bands on tour.

Just finished a set up at the at
the
JACK tails off, looking confused.
No matter.
then?
CHORUS
So, youre a musician,
JACK
I dont know if Id go that far.
CHORUS
Ah a singer.
JACK
More of a shouter, actually.
used to be a singer.
CHORUS
What happened?
JACK
No idea. Its all a bit of a
blur. Cheers.
CHORUS
Cheers!
BARMAN again provides.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Out on your own then, eh? No
bandmates with you?
JACK
No.
They
(JACK looks confused again.)

JACK (CONTINUED)
They were with me before
Something happened.
CHORUS
A fight?
JACK
(unsure)
Yeah. Yeah, we had a fight. Joey
and me. Fucking bastard can be a
right pain, but we go back, you
know, and mostly its my fault,
cause, well, long story, but

(beat)
Anyway, yeah, they fucked off back
to the hotel. I think. Man, Im
a bit fucked.
CHORUS
(aside)
More than you know, Jack.
(to JACK)
You know, you remind me of myself
when I was about your age.
JACK
(wry)
So youre what Im going to be
when Im your age?
CHORUS shrugs. They look at each other for a second,
their postures mirroring each other, then down their
drinks together and turn to the BARMAN.
JACK & CHORUS
Absinthe.
The BARMAN refills their glasses and CHORUS lifts his in
a toast.
CHORUS
Well, heres to the singers with
the sad songs, and the lovers who
been wronged, and the jokers who
been gonged.
JACK
And the tokers who get monged.
CHORUS
Monged?
JACK
Wrecked, plastered, blitzed,
wasted, caned, stoned, smashed,
whacked, fucked monged. You
never heard of monged?
CHORUS
Its a new one on me. Guess its
not caught on round these parts
yet.
JACK looks around, confusedly, as if wondering where
exactly these parts are.
JACK
So you from around here?

CHORUS
Ah, here and there, here and
there.
JACK
Yeah? I think I passed through
there once Sometimes I even wish
I could go back.
Silence JACK takes a drink of his absinthe.
piano melody begins in the background.
A gentle
CHORUS
(quietly)
Weve all been there at some time
or another.
JACK
You know what they say never look
back.
CHORUS
They, my friend, are full of shit.
JACK
Ill drink to that.
JACK raises his glass, but CHORUS catches his arm.
CHORUS
Weve all been there at some time
or another. But its different
for all of us. We all have our
own stories.
JACK
Shit happens. People die.
else is there to say.
What
CHORUS
Love sucks. is an old standard.
JACK laughs, but its a sad and bitter laugh.
CHORUS
You know, Ive never been sure
which was more cruel, Love or
Death.
JACK
(closing his eyes)
For me for me, the two of them
were in on it together.
JACK steps forward to the front of the stage, facing the

audience, spotlit. Behind him, CHORUS and the REGULARS
begin the scenery change for Scene Four.
JACK
It was three years ago seems
like thirty I was eighteen years
old. Fucking eighteen years old.
(beat)
I mean, what do you know when
youre eighteen years old? You
think you know it all and you
dont know fucking shit, dont
even know what fucking life is
until one day, one day, you meet
someone, and theyre so well
Puck. Thats what I called him.
(beat)
Puck. How do you describe someone
like Puck? Its its like
theyve got this spark inside them
but they just dont know it. And
all you want to do is show them.
Just show them. For the rest of
your fucking life
SCENE 4: THE RECORD SHOP

Lights fade. Exit JACK and CHORUS. Music rises and the
lights come up as the intro kicks in properly. The
platform now represents the record shop interior, while
the rest of the stage represents the streets outside.
The doorway is on the left side of the platform and a
display stand cuts the platform in half. FAY stands
behind a counter running from front to back, stage-right.
Enter PUCK with green hair and ripped-up and written-over
school uniform, singing. Throughout the song the
REGULARS enter and leave the shop or wander around as if
browsing. Three of the REGULARS, all female - the FATES
-- are dressed identically, like some 60s female soul
group.
SONG: JUNKY FOR THE SOUND
PUCK
Another day, another pound.
FATES
Another poor boy stuck in a
nowhere town
PUCK
Another record bought from the
record shop across the town.
I go there every day I can
FATES
nowhere town
PUCK
Cause Im a junky for the sound,
and the record shops my man.
And I just wanna listen to the
bands
FATES
nowhere town
PUCK
and the record shop -- the record
shops my man.
PUCK enters the shop, starts looking through the display
stand. Enter JACK on the streets outside, putting up

posters for a gig that his band, Fagsmoke is to play that
night.
PUCK
The vinyl may be scratched, it may
be old
REGULAR 1
And there was not an era when the
music was so bought and sold.
PUCK
(picking up a record)
But I was never such a fan
Now Im a junky for the sound, and
the record shops my man.
PUCK & REGULAR 1
And now I gotta get all that I can
PUCK
and the record shop -- the record
shops my man.
JACK enters the shop. He walks up to the counter with a
poster for an upcoming gig his band is playing. The next
few lines are spoken as the music plays between verses.
JACK
Hey, Fay, its your favourite gay.
FAY
Jack the Whack! Honey, if youre
here to try and rope me into
managing you guys, the answers
still no.
JACK
Youre crushing my dreams, Fay.
Cruelly and wantonly. Nah, no
worries, just got a poster to put
up, yeah?
FAY
(taking the poster)
Tonight? Youre leaving it a bit
late.
JACK
Clipper dropped out at the last
minute.
FAY
(laughing)

Fagsmokes filling in for Clipper?
Man, theyre so straight-edge you
can shave with their manifesto.
Youll get lynched.
JACK
Hey, we can do political.
FAY
Yeah Wheres My Fucking Record
Contract? is a cutting critique
of capitalist imperialism.
JACK
Well maybe Ill throw in some
queercore flag-waving bullshit for
the skinheads.
FAY
Red, black or rainbow flag?
JACK
Red or black. Rainbows clash with
everything. So you coming along
then?
FAY
Wouldnt miss it for the world,
man.
REGULAR 2
I remember when CDs first came
out.
I remember thinking what the fuck
is all this fuss here all about.
Now I know, I understand.
PUCK & REGULARS 1 & 2
And the record shops my man.
PUCK picks up a record and heads toward the counter,
where JACK is standing.
REGULAR 2
And tape or disc, who gives a
damn.
PUCK turns back to sing his lines. JACK leaves the
counter and heads towards the door, but pauses as PUCK
sings.
PUCK
And the record shop -- the record

shops my man.
An old school punk CUSTOMER comes to stand front and
centre on the platform, looks at PUCK, then at JACK, who
cannot see each other for the display. Again, the next
few lines are spoken.
FAY
My favourite regular irregular.
In for your weekly fix, eh? So
what are you going for this time?
PUCK
Um uh
(holding up one record)
New York Dolls
(holding up the other)
Stooges.
FAY
(appreciatively)
Nice.
REGULAR 3 (AN OLD PUNK)
The kids are wearing what I used
to wear.
And now it seems that I am almost
hip when I was once a square.
Theyre listening to all my
favourite bands
The music that was lost and found
JACK
Yeah, cause Iggy Pops my man.
JACK makes to leave, then stops again as PUCK sings:
PUCK
And Joey is in heaven with a plan
Another junky for the sound and a
new Ramones fan
Yes I confess it all; I raise my
hand.
PUCK & REGULARS 1 & 2 & 3
and the record shop-- the record
shop-PUCK
I'll never stop
The record shops my man.
ALL

And Im a junky for
And the record shop
shops my man.
And Im a junky for
And the record shop
shops my man.
And Im a junky for
And the record shop
shops my man.
And Im a junky for
And the record shop
shops my man.
the sound,
-- the record
the sound,
-- the record
the sound,
-- the record
the sound,
-- the record
PUCK:
And I guess Im just a junky for
the sound.
JACK leaves, and exits stage-right, pausing as if to look
in the shop window. PUCK has gone to the counter with a
couple of records in hand, where FAY is putting up JACKs
poster. Exit JACK. PUCK looks at the poster as FAY
rings up the sale.
FAY
after discount for a regular
customer. How does that sound?
Uh Yeah.
PUCK
Thanks.
FAY
Well, you know, if you were in
here any more often, I might have
to start charging rent.
Um
PUCK
(awkward)
I guess.
(He digs into his pockets, brings out a handful of coins,

which he drops)
Shit.
PUCK (CONTINUED)
Sorry sorry.
FAY
(amused)
Its OK. Hey, band playing
tonight you might be interested
in.
PUCK
Oh, right.
(picking up the coins,
sorting out the correct

Shit.
Dude.
change)
Fuck.
FAY
Relax.
PUCK
(handing over the money)
Sorry. I think thats right.
Thanks.
FAY shakes her head as PUCK backs away clumsily, mumbles
a goodbye and exits.
FAY
Be seeing you.
The FATES walk up to the counter.
FATE 1
That boy's gonna get eaten up by
this town.
FATE 2
He just needs a little loving.
FATE 3
He just needs to get the fuck out
of Shitsville.
FAY
Boy like that, I doubt he even
imagines there is a way out.
(beat)
So, hows the whole retro Motown
thing working out for you guys,
anyway? What are you calling
yourselves these days? The
Furies, was it?
FATE 1
The Fates.
FAY
Thats it.
SCENE 5: THE STREETS OF NOWHERE TOWN

Outside a Music Shop - i.e. the dais, which has the
musical instruments on it. The OWNER enters, props up an
electric guitar at the front of the stage, as if on
display, places a Sale sign on it. Enter JACK, stageleft, walking towards the front of the stage. Enter JOEY
and the other BAND MEMBERS behind him, following on and
deep in their own conversation. JOEY jumps JACK and
grabs him in a headlock.
JOEY
Yo, fag-boy!
JACK wrestles him off, shoves his shoulder in a mosh-pit
buddy way.
JACK
Hey, its the Three Chord Boy
Wonder!
JOEY
Any more than three chords and
its fucking prog rock, mate.
Screw that.
JACK
You know there is such a thing as
melody.
JOEY
Homo.
JACK
Breeder.
JOEY
So, you ready to fucking rock,
tonight?
JACK
Fuck, yeah!
JOEY
Hey, check this out.
He pulls JACK stage-left, where they stand in front of
the platform. JOEY admires the electric guitar.
JOEY (CONTINUED)
Is that not beautiful?
JACK

A guitar.
Mmm.
Lovely.
JOEY
Philistine.
JACK
Sorry. Just doesnt do it for me.
Now your brother, on the other
hand
JOEY
Hes straight.
JACK
Ah, theres no justice in the
world. I mean, with that ass
JOEY
Oi! Thats my brother youre
talking about.
JACK
(laughing)
Alright, alright.
JOEY
Come on. Im gonna see if theyll
let me try it out.
JACK
Just let me know if the boy starts
buying Madonna albums, right?
JACK and JOEY walk into the Music Shop. The other BAND
MEMBERS follow and disperse around the shop, to check out
the instruments on display.
Enter PUCK stage-left followed by a group of NEDS. One
of the NEDS points at PUCK while whispering to one of the
others, then steps forward to block his path.
NED 1
So are you one of those
metalheads, then? You into Iron
Maiden and all that shit?
PUCK
No.
Dickhead!
NED 2
Hes a punk, man.
NED 1
Right, yeah. Is that punk music
there, then? Is that some Sex

Pistols, man?
(singing badly)
I am an anarchist!
PUCK
No.
PUCK tries to get past him, but the NED blocks his path
again.
NED
Lets see, then.
He grabs one of the records.
NED
(reading)
New York Dolls? Hey, theres a
bunch of trannies on this.
Inside the shop, JOEY slings the guitar over his
shoulder. He starts the opening chords of Dicks, Pricks
and Fucking Hicks.
PUCK moves towards the NEDS, but making as little show of
concern as possible. The NED takes the album back to
show his mates and it gets handed round. PUCK follows
it, but doesnt try to get it back or even ask for it.
Tries to remain casual, knowing that they are winding him
up. One of them lets the record slip out of the sleeve
and PUCK turns away from the NEDS, furious, mouthing the
word fuck, just as the lyrics kick in.
SONG: DICKS, PRICKS AND FUCKING HICKS
JACK
My town is a very shit town.
Its designed to bring you down
And keep you down.
I hate my town.
Nothing to do to get your kicks,
Just dicks, pricks and fucking
hicks
(pause)
Dicks, pricks and fucking hicks
Fuck em all. Kill em all.
Screw em all. They are all
The NEDs start trying to get the other record off of
PUCK. PUCK tries to get away but is surrounded.
Meanwhile, in the Music Shop the band are playing in true

punk fashion, with much jumping about and general
disregard for the shop.
JACK (CONTINUED)
Growing up on a housing scheme.
Its designed to make you scream
Or make you dream.
Of gasoline,
Burnt-out cars and heads on
sticks,
Dead dicks, pricks and fucking
hicks
(pause)
The NEDs jostle PUCK until one of them manages to snatch
the other record from his hand. They throw it between
them, PUCK trying to catch it, getting shoved. The OWNER
starts gesticulating to the band, getting more and more
irate as they ignore him.
JACK (CONTINUED)
Its so fucking civilised here.
God, its great to be a queer
And live in fear.
Pass me a beer.
I wanna drink cause I am sick,
Of dicks, pricks and fucking hicks
(pause)
PUCK loses patience and starts shoving back. JACK walks
to the doorway, stands in it, looking out as he sings.
The OWNER is remonstrating with JOEY, but drowned out by
the music.
JACK (CONTINUED)
My town is a very shit town.
If I lost the plot and shot
The fuckers down
Would anyone frown?
Dont know why anyone would cry
For dicks, pricks and fucking
hicks
(pause)

JACK sees PUCK being pushed around by the thugs, comes
outside.
JACK (CONTINUED)
JACK sees whats going on and goes careening towards the
NEDS, slams one of them across the stage, dodges another.
Slamming like a wild man, he quickly scatters them and
they leg it.
JACK
Hey. Come on. What happened to
the mosh pit? Fucking pussies.
The music finishes and JOEY hands the guitar back to the
owner who looks less than happy, points in a get-outof-my-shop way - comes to join JACK and PUCK. PUCK
crouches to pick up a record thats come out of its
sleeve.
JACK
Fucking bastards.
PUCK
Thanks.
(looking up at Jack now)
Thanks.
JACK
No problem. Nice hair, by the
way.
PUCK
Its my camouflage.
JACK
Green doesnt work too well
against
(He waves a hand to encompass their surroundings)
concrete.
JACK (CONTINUED)
You want grey hair.
JOEY approaches them.

PUCK
If I have to live in this shithole

any longer, I will have.
JOEY
Whats up?
JACK crouches to pick up an album cover.
JACK
Fuckers jumped the boy here.
JOEY
So Jack Flash to the rescue, eh?
JACK
(grins at PUCK, turning
on the charm)
Yer knight in dirty armour.
JACK hands PUCK the cover, holds on to it for just too
long to be quite comfortable. PUCK looks away, obviously
embarrassed.
JOEY
(seeing the record
sleeve)
Fun House. Man, those bastards
deserve to die.
PUCK checks the record before sliding it back into the
sleeve.
PUCK
It looks OK.
JACK
Cool. Thats got to be my alltime favourite album.
JOEY
Best song in the world.
TV Eye.
Ever.
JACK
Only one thing better than TV Eye,
eh, Joey?
JOEY & JACK
TV Eye twice.
PUCK
So so was that you guys playing
there?
Yeah.
JACK
Impromptu gig.

JOEY
Oh, by the way.
the shop.
Were barred from
JACK
How manys that now?
JOEY
Whos counting?
PUCK
You you in a band or what.
JACK
Fuck, yeah. Were playing
tonight. At the Lost And Found.
(digging into his
pocket)
Got a free pass, here somewhere
yeah, here.
He hands it to PUCK.
PUCK
(looking at it)
Clipper or Moondog?
JACK
Well actually, neither were
kind of filling in for Clipper.
Apparently the drummers not
speaking to the singer cause he
caught the guy eating a burger.
JOEY
Straight-edgers.
JACK
Fuck that shit.
Meat is gooood.
JOEY
Yeah, we all know you like your
meat. Sausage, salami, hot-dogs.
Or is it the buns you prefer?
JACK flashes him a shut-the-fuck-up look.
PUCK
So what are you guys called?
JACK
Fagsmoke.
PUCK
Fagsmoke?

JACK
(mock nave, but just
slightly arch)
Where Im from fag means
cigarette.
PUCK
(looks embarrassed)
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Ill be
there.
(backing away)
Sounds cool.
JACK
Yeah. I think you might like it
hope so, anyway. Whats your
name, by the - ?
PUCK
(cutting in)
Yeah, Ive gotta go.
see you there.
Exit PUCK.
arm.
Ill maybe
JACK turns to JOEY and punches him on the

JACK
Fucking meat, ya bastard.
JOEY
(laughs)
So is that your type, then?
JACK
Damn straight.
JOEY
The startled bunny rabbit.
deer in headlights look.
The
JACK
Ah. He was just awestruck by my
charm and charisma.
JOEY
Or he thought you were gonna jump
his bones.
You didnt even get
his name.
JACK
(looking offstage, after
PUCK)
He wanted me. Just too afraid to
admit it.
(proudly)

Im going to call him Puck.
JOEY shakes his head.
JOEY
Christ, its gonna be one of those
gigs, isnt it?
JACK
(still gazing after
PUCK)
Damn straight. Flame on, dude.
Flame on.
Blackout
SCENE 6: PUCKS HOME / JACKS GIG

Stage is divided into two parts. Stage-right is the gig
at the Lost And Found, with the instruments, in darkness.
Stage-left a table and chair are set up as a domestic
kitchen, the door behind them. The table has a cloth on
it. Enter PUCK back-right. He crosses the back of the
stage to the door, enters the kitchen. He lays the
records down on the table.
PUCK
(calling)
Hello? Anybody home?
(bitterly)
Ever?
PUCK takes Fun House out of its sleeve, exits stage-left.
We hear the opening of TV Eye from The Stooges Fun House
album, Iggys scream, the first bar of guitar kicks in
and then it jumps back to play the first bar and keeps on
jumping. It stops. PUCK re-enters, record in hand. He
throws it down on the table in disgust.
SONG: ANOTHER DAY
PUCK
Another day, another pound of
flesh
Ripped off in a nowhere town
Another kick down to the ground
In a world thatll grind me down
Cause every day, in every way
Its like theres no-one to hear
my prayers
And I cant say, Im glad to be (he chokes off the last
syllable)
Cause theres no-one around who
cares Im going to drive myself insane
Im going to tear myself apart
Cant take this fever in my brain
Cant take this feeling from my
heart
(pause)
Another curse under my breath
Another chance I just let go by
They call this life, I call this
death
Cause theres nothing can make me
cry
And even when his hand reached out

to me
And I see something in his eyes
Well I say nothing, I just freeze
Please somebody tell me why Im going to drive myself insane
Im going to tear myself apart
Cant take this fever in my brain
Cant take this feeling from my
heart
(pause)
Another day trapped by these fears
And a day with no hope, but no
tears
Another day without release
And I just want just one day of
peace
Another day, another pound of
flesh
Ripped off in a nowhere town
And I cant take another day
Please someone just take this away
PUCK slumps down on a chair. He rolls up one of his
sleeves, revealing a bandaged forearm.
PUCK
(quietly)
Cunts.
A piano intro starts - echoing the first bar of TV Eye,
but much slower and in a minor key. It plays the same
bar, repeated and repeated again as PUCK stands up, paces
the room, then slumps back down in the chair. He stands
up, leaning on the table, hanging his head,
PUCK
Cant even
He shoves the table and kicks at one of its legs. He is
at the end of his tether, oscillating between rage and
despair. He picks up the record, looking for the
scratch, like hes looking for some small scrap of hope
and not finding it. He puts it back down gently and
slumps in the chair again, stares blankly out at the
audience.
Lights go down very gradually to a single spot on PUCK.
The Lost And Found REGULARS - punks, goths, emos and
other alternatives -- start filing on stage-right, FAY
and the FATES among them. On the platform, JACK and JOEY
are barely visible in the gloom, setting up.
The piano intro fills out into a flourish, the intro to
the song.

SONG: NOWHERE TOWN
JACK
You know youre strange.
Youre thinking, when will this
change
It seems your world is ruled by
jocks.
They got you bound and gagged.
Every days a drag.
Think outside the box.
A spotlight comes up gradually on JACK on the platform.
Puck unravels the bandage round his arm, revealing fresh
scars from self-harm.
JACK (CONTINUED)
Youre caught in an endless dive
In a dead-end life.
Theres only one way to go.
So turn that frown
Upside-down
Were gonna burn this nowhere
town.
Nowhere town
In a world of shit
Dont let the fuckers grind you
down
Nowhere town
Where you dont fit
But when the fires lit
Were gonna burn burn burn this
nowhere town
PUCK picks up the record, hurls it off stage-right.
JACK (CONTINUED)
When youre just a kid
Its like they try to get rid
Of every thought thats in your
head.
PUCK brings a switchblade out of his pocket, presses its
point to his arm.
JACK (CONTINUED)
They rip your dreams away;
Nothing gold can stay.
Might as well be dead.
Youve lost your heart and soul
Just an empty hole
But no-one here gets out alive.
PUCK slams the knife down on the table, steps up and away
from it.

JACK (CONTINUED)
Because what goes around
Comes around.
Were gonna burn this nowhere
town.
PUCK throws the table over and exits through the door and
off back-right.
JACK (CONTINUED)
Nowhere town
In a world of shit
down
Nowhere town
Where you dont fit
Were gonna burn burn burn
This nowhere town
Enter PUCK, front-right. He walks round the front of the
platform to join the crowd.
JACK (CONTINUED)
Cheer up, they say,
It might never happen.
But it already did
So fuck all your platitudes
I got my attitude,
JACK sees PUCK and begins singing directly to him.
JACK (CONTINUED)
Lost and found
When I was just a kid
Youre caught in a cage
Thats made of all of your rage
Against the system that theyve
built
You think theres no way out
From the fear and doubt
That, my friend is guilt.
But listen, youll hear me call
Another brick in the wall
Lightning can strike in the night
And from the underground
Theres a thunder sound
Thats gonna bring this nowhere
town...
Tumbling down
In a world of shit
down
Nowhere town
Where you dont fit

Were gonna burn burn burn
This nowhere town
In a world of shit
down
Nowhere town
Where you dont fit
Were gonna burn burn burn this
nowhere town
CHORUS enters quietly to remove the table and chairs from
stage-left. He nods to the FATES, who nod back.
JACK
All right. If youve just
arrived, we are the incredible,
inimitable, insufferable Fagsmoke,
so called cause Im a fag and
theyre just smokin. Thats
right, boys and girls. We got
Joey Narcosis on guitar, Sweet
Mary Jane on bass. We got Bert
Finkle tinkling on the keyboards,
howlin Don Coyote on drums and,
of course, your oh-so-humble
singer, yours truly Jack Flash
As if you give a fuck. I have
free beer, a cigarette and a
microphone, so Im happy; fuck
you. Anyway, this next one is
dedicated to lets see you over
there
(pointing at Puck)
the one that walked in halfway
through my
(puts hand on chest, in
mock tragic gesture)
cry from the heart. Aye, you.
This is another deeply heartfelt
song and I hope, I pray that it
just touches you as it touches
me. Because if I can touch just
one person here tonight but not
him over there cause hes one ugly
fucker but if I can touch just
one person here tonight you are
over sixteen, right? Anyway, if I
can touch just one person here
tonight Id like it to be you.
(JACK winks and points a finger at PUCK like some Vegas
showman.)

JACK (CONTINUED)
This is one of our quieter, more
sensitive numbers. Its called
Suck Me, Fuck Me, Chuck Me.
SONG: SUCK ME, FUCK ME, CHUCK ME
JACK
1, 2, 3, 4.
5, 6, 7, 8.
9, 10, 11, 12?!
13, 14, 15, 16.
I guess I dont know anything
about you.
But Ive seen you and Id like to.
Would you like to like to too.
Would you? Could you? Should
you?
Suck me. Fuck me.
When youre finished you can chuck
me.
Ill be. Happy.
With just an hour or two or three.
Suck me. Fuck me.
me.
Ill be. Happy.
(pause)
Dont want to waste time on
infatuation,
But Im tired of masturbation.
Would you like to like to be
With me, with you in me?
Suck me. Fuck me.
me.
Ill be happy
JACK jumps off the platform into the crowd, starting a
mosh pit. He climbs back up on the platform just in time
to sing the last chorus.
Suck
When
me.
Ill
With
Suck
When
me.
Ill
JACK (CONTINUED)
me. Fuck me.
youre finished you can chuck
be. Happy.
just an hour or two or three.
me. Fuck me.
youre finished you can chuck
be.
Happy.

Music ends.
JACK
Okay, thats us, but hang around,
because Moondogs gonna be here
shortly, and they will rock your
kasbah. Anyway, we have been
Fagsmoke, and you have been an
audience.
The crowd breaks up and spreads into the left-half of the
stage. JACK and JOEY and the rest of the band exit
stage-right. PUCK walks forward to face direct to
audience. The REGULARS mill around, waiting for the main
band and chatting. FAY comes to the front of the stage,
chatting to one of the REGULARS.
FAY
So whatd you think? Theyre
looking for management at the
moment, but you know Im out of
that game.
REGULAR
I dunno. What are they trying to
be? The Ramones or fucking Joy
Division? That second-last song
went on forever.
FAY
So does Marquee Moon.
REGULAR
Nah. Teen-angst bullshit, man.
thought they were better on the
bubblegum moshpit numbers. And
Jacks full of himself.
FAY
You have no fucking soul, man.
And Jacks a good guy. Just
because he hit on your (She spots PUCK)
Hey, amigo!
(to the REGULAR)
This is my best customer, man.
PUCK
Uh hi.
FAY
So what did you think of the band,
then?

PUCK
Good. I
(embarrassed)
I thought they were pretty amazing
actually.
Yeah.
FAY
Dont think it went down too well
with some of the crowd, right
enough.
PUCK
(irked)
They were great! Well I mean
(beat)
I liked them.
FAY
Chill. I was just curious.
Singers a mate. Im sure hell
be asking for an in-depth report
on his potential fan-base.
REGULAR
In full fucking Technicolor, no
doubt. Come on, lets get to the
bar before its mobbed.
FAY
Alright, alright.
later, uh?
Catch you
She waits for him to offer his name.

Uh, yeah.
PUCK
Ill see you later.
PUCK turns away, looking relieved at the effort of

conversation being over. FAY shrugs and wanders off
stage-right, passing JACK, JOEY and GUY, as they enter
from that direction, heading directly stage-left. JACK
and JOEY are drinking beers, GUY a gin and tonic. JACKs
glass is over half-empty.
FAY
Fuck me, its like drawing teeth
with that boy. Hey, Jack. Joey.
The two bandmates give quick waves in greeting as they
pass. JACK clocks PUCK and noticeably keeps his gaze on
him, only half-listening to Guy.
GUY
Jack. Jack! Listen, I do think
you chaps have got something.

Raw Needs a bit of work, but if
youre serious.
JACK
Im never fucking serious, mate.
Fuck that shit.
JOEY
You think we have a chance at you
know?
JACK
Fucking course we do, man.
fucking problem.
No
GUY
Absolutely. I think you still
need to -- I dont know -- find
your sound a bit, but we can work
on that. Its just the odd song
here or there that kind of breaks
the flow?
JOEY
Well there are a couple of songs,
you know, Im not sure if they
work so well.
JACK
Ahh, wait a minute.
this is going.
JOEY
Come on, Jack.
song.
I know where
Its one fucking
JACK
We are not fucking dropping
Nowhere Town.
GUY
Jack, you cant go from Punk Music
Makes Me Feel Big, or Wheres My
Fucking Record Contract? to
Nowhere Town and then back to Suck
Me, Fuck Me, Chuck Me or Dicks,
Pricks and Fucking Hicks, or
whatever.
JOEY
You cant mosh to Nowhere Town.
Everything else is fucking
(banging his fist into
the palm of his hand)
1, 2, 3, 4! Bang!

GUY
Its a good song, but it doesnt
have the same punch. It doesnt
have the same tongue in cheek,
glint in the eye thing that the
other songs have. I mean, take
Suicide Pact. Its vicious, but
its well funny. Sick, but
funny.
JACK
Its a fucking throwaway.
Man, I-
JOEY
Jack, fucking listen to the man.
He knows what hes
JACK
Bollocks. The one fucking song
with any fucking heart in it.
Everything else is just pissing
around.
GUY
But everything else is Fagsmoke,
Jack. And Nowhere Towns not.
Its not I dont know
Fuck you.
noise.?
JOEY
Lets make some
GUY
Exactly. You guys are great, but
dont try to run before you can
walk. A few years down the line
- Im telling you - youll be
able to do whatever the hell you
damn well want.
JACK
I can do that now, mate.
JOEY
For fucks sake, Jack.
the man.
Listen to
GUY
Three, four years down the line
theres always the breakaway
album, where you can do whatever
you want -- New Wave, post-rock,
emo, screamo or Captain Bloody
Nemo.

JOEY
(laughs)
Aye, that would be Jacks solo
album.
JACK
Ah, fuck this shit. One: Were
not dropping Nowhere Town. Two: I
need a refill. Beer? GnT?
Right? OK. Back in a tick.
Exit JACK.
JOEY
Im sorry, man. Ive been trying
to tell him this for fuck knows
how long.
GUY
Look. I really think you guys
have got something. Honestly.
Im sure I can sort out some more
gigs for you. I know two -- three
-- record labels that would snap
you up in a second. But you need
to focus on where youre going
with this right now here and
now... You need to nail down the
sound. You need to focus on what
works and what works for you just
now is fast, furious and funny.
Thats what Fagsmoke is. Not tenminute emo epics.
JOEY
Mate. Im not the one you have to
talk to. Fuck me, I dont know
what his problem is. Its just a
fucking song.
The piano starts again, and the crowd becomes muted -
still chatting casually, but its just as if someone
turned the volume down. Lights fade to a spotlight on
Puck, still transfixed, stage-left and front.
A solitary horn picks out the Nowhere Town backing
refrain, three times, like a distant bugler playing The
Last Post.
SONG: ONE MORE CHANCE
PUCK
I never thought Id find
This kind of peace of mind

Suddenly everythings still
I dont what this is
Feels like my hearts been kissed
I who had nothing untilI found
You with your foolish songs
Maybe Im right, Im wrong
Think Im in love with your sound
You dont know my name
But I know your flame
Is gonna burn this nowhere town
Enter JACK, stage-right.
JACK
I know your voice, I know your
face
I know where you come from, this
lonely nowhere place
I dont know if a song can say
enough
But I know in this nowhere town
that all you need is love
JACK walks up to PUCK and the two look at each other,
heads cocked, quizzical. JACK offers his hand and PUCK
shakes it. Neither of them lets go.
PUCK
Nowhere town
And I know your words
Like they were waiting to be found
Nowhere town
Like a thought unheard
And something stirred
Were gonna burn, burn, burn this
nowhere town
JACK
Lets just get out of here,
You and me disappear.
We could be something, I know
I know you understand
Just have to take my hand
Both look down at their joined hands, only just noticing.
JACK (CONTINUED)
We could find somewhere to go
Where the music thats in your
eyes
Dont have to be disguised.
Shine on and never go down
With a spark so bright
PUCK

And a soul alight
JACK & PUCK
Were gonna burn this nowhere town
JACK pulls PUCK by the hand and they exit stage-right.
As the instrumental break goes all sweeping and
flourishy, the FATES move up onto the platform, singing
the nowhere town harmony. CHORUS enters to place the
doorway centre-stage, then exits. PUCK and JACK re-enter
stage-right. JACK leads PUCK through the doorway and,
inside JACKs home, they embrace and kiss against the
doorway, hands all over each other.
Blackout.
SCENE 7: JACKS HOME

A spotlight comes up on JACK, front of stage, facing the
audience. PUCK stands behind him, unlit. CHORUS stands
on the other side of the stage, listening to JACK. lit
lowly. The musical interlude carries on through the
coming dialogue, softening for the characters lines.
JACK
Three days.
PUCK
Jack, I love you.
JACK
Three days and we both knew it.
PUCK
I dont know what Id do without
you.
JACK
It was like someone had just
switched the world off and all
that was left was us.
PUCK
I used to hate this fucking town
and everything in it. I mean, I
still do, but
JACK
Three days and suddenly your whole
life has changed.
PUCK
I used to hate my life. God, it
seems crazy, now, but, Jack, I
came so close to just fucking
ending it
JACK
His life had changed.
me.
Because of
PUCK
And it doesnt matter anymore. I
dont care about any of that shit.
Not when Im with you
JACK
(turning to CHORUS)
He told me Id saved him.

PUCK
You and me, Jack.
forever.
Fucking
JACK
I was his knight in dirty armour.
And he was
Lights come up on JACK's home as Puck steps forward and
JACK turns to face him, demeanour changing to joyful,
slightly embarassed.
JACK
(shaking his head in
disbelief)
my Puck, my young buck, my
slenderish fuck. I wrote you a
sonnet, you know.
PUCK
A sonnet?!
JACK
(laughs)
A fucking sonnet. Youve ruined
me. All the other punks will
laugh at me now.
PUCK
Go on, then. Lets hear it.
JACK
I cant believe Im doing this.
PUCK
Jack, you can do fucking anything.
JACK runs his fingers through PUCKs hair.
JACK
My heart is deep, much deeper than
I knew.
If I look down into it when youre
not around,
I face a void as empty and as blue
As the abyss of heaven, empty of
air, empty of sound.
And yet it fills, it overflows,
with breathless soul,
With scatterings of
constellations, points of light
My far-flung hopes. And, roaring
from the hole,
It fills my blood, my thoughts, my
lungs, this vacuum night.

I never knew the distance of my
love
Until I held it close, asleep in
my embrace,
Until, above the well of
emptiness, a dove,
I looked down from your light into
an unknown place.
My heart is deep, much deeper than
I knew,
Vast as the hollow times and
spaces between me and you.
PUCK
When youre not around? I
havent been outside for three
days.
JACK
You went for a piss.
you.
I missed
PUCK
(laughs)
Well, Ill need to actually leave
you for a bit. Gotta go home and
get changed.
JACK
Bollocks to that.
Go naked.
PUCK
My folksJACK
Quote! Wouldnt give a fuck if I
disappeared off the face of the
earth. Unquote!
PUCK
I smell. Like fox piss. And
theres no way Im using that
shower.
JACK
Stay.
PUCK
(laughing)
Forever? Its been three days.
My clothes are fucking stinking.
Ill call you, OK? Ive gotta go.
They kiss again, and Puck steps back, through the
doorway. JACK holds on to his hand for a second then

lets go. They turn from each other and, as JACK sits at
the table and PUCK walks stage-right, the music swells.
PUCK & THE FATES
Nowhere town
PUCK
And I dont even care
Because from nowhere came his
sound
PUCK & THE FATES
Nowhere town
PUCK
And I could kiss the air
I hear it everywhere
Exit PUCK.
PUCK
(offstage)
I want to burn, burn, burn
THE FATES
This nowhere The sound of a car horn, a klaxon or a trumpet blasts in
on no, the note sustaining as JACK stands up, looking
at the telephone. The sound cuts off abruptly and the
music slows, becomes quieter, as JACK takes a mobile
phone from his pocket and answers it. Lights go down to
a spotlight on JACK, who has a look of shock on his face
as he lowers the phone slowly.
Enter CHORUS from the back, stage-left.
JACK
Death, who enters unexpected,
His quiet hand extended
To tell you that its time.
Death, who leaves us all
defenceless,
So meaningless, so senseless,
A theft thats not a crime,
No reason and no rhyme.
JACK turns, walks over to the platform and sits down.
The lights come up, blue. The REGULARS enter, setting
the stage back to the No Exit Lounge and Bar. CHORUS
sits down beside JACK.
Enter PUCK as his own ghost, in ripped white jeans and
sleeveless tee, punk-style chains, the FATES behind him.
He stands behind JACK on the stage, reaching for him, but

unable to touch him as if separated by some gulf. JACK
seems unaware of him but CHORUS is ignoring him not
callously, but looking down, as if fighting some inner
desire to help.
JACK:
Another day, another drink
Another night alone, and left with
time to think
Another day without romance
And Im a junky for your sound and
I just want one more chance
One more chance
PUCK
Jack, I love you.
JACK
And you know what the worst of it
is?
PUCK
I dont know what Id do without
you.
JACK
You know what the fucking worst
thing is?
PUCK
I used to hate this fucking town
and everything in it. I mean, I
still do, but
JACK
It wasnt even the fucking
shithole of a nowhere town that
killed him
PUCK
I used to hate my life. God, it
seems crazy, now, but, Jack, I
came so close to just fucking
ending it
JACK
I mean, suicide I could
understand. Or if one of those
fucking little shitheads had
stabbed him, I could fucking
understand it. Id have fucking
killed the fucker but I could
understand it.
PUCK

And it doesnt matter anymore. I
dont care about any of that shit.
Not when Im with you
JACK
A fucking accident. A fucking
drunken cunt behind the wheel of a
car.
PUCK
You and me, Jack.
forever.
Fucking
JACK
And bang!
(He clicks his fingers and the No on the No Exit sign
lights up. The FATES grab PUCK, who struggles in panic.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Hes just gone.
The FATES drag PUCK offstage, screaming and sobbing
hysterically, full-on bugfuck crazy mental.
NO!
PUCK
(howling like an animal)
NO! NO! NO!
SCENE 8: BACK IN THE HERE AND NOW

We are back at the No Exit Lounge and Bar, where JACK and
CHORUS sit, drunk and maudlin. CHORUS is flipping a coin
and catching it.
CHORUS
I sometimes think that Death is
like a jealous lover. For those
he loves, hell let them have no
other.
(beat)
I was wondering what a soul like
you was doing in this sort of
limbo.
JACK
Limbo?
CHORUS studies JACK for a moment as he flips the coin.
CHORUS
What do you remember about that
fight, Jack?
JACK
Between Joey and me? I
(confused)
Its all a bit of a blur.
(JACK shakes his head.
A pause.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
You know, sometimes I wish I could
lose every fucking hour of my life
in this stuff.
CHORUS
And think of all the chances that
youd miss.
JACK
Maybe its better to miss them. I
mean Its just we had three
days. Three days. How can you
fall in love in three days? How
can you know that this is the
person you were meant to be with
I mean in three days. How can
you know someone in three days?
Like theyre you and youre them.
CHORUS

Three days. How many things can
happen in three minutes, Jack, in
the length of a song. One three
minute song isnt an eternity but
a lot of things can happen in that
three minutes.
(He flips the coin and catches it.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Thats the nature of chance.
(flipping it again)
One coin toss after another.
(flipping it again)
Heads, you fall in love.
(flipping it again)
Tails, he falls in love.
(flipping it again)
Heads, he dies.
(flipping it again)
Tails, you die.
(pause)
Theres always one more chance, of
course. But of course... the only
outcome ever guaranteed is death.
(he flips the coin and-)
Sooner or later.
(He drops the coin.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
People talk about true love.
Funny. I always thought you can
be much more sure of death.
(He picks the coin off the floor.)
JACK
(bitter and angry)
True love! How many fucking
clichs are there about love?
CHORUS
You dont know what youve got
until its gone? I always liked
that one.
JACK
Oh, yeah, its like You cant
have your cake and eat it. How
fucking twisted is that? Whats
the fucking point of having cake
if you cant fucking eat it?
Whats the fucking point of I
mean, whats the fucking point of

love, if if Death can just walk
into your life and tear your
fucking heart out? Man, Im sick
of all the fucking platitudes.
The good die young Hes gone to
a better place Hes dead! And
theres nothing nothing
(tailing off)
Whats the fucking point?
CHORUS
There is no point.
Heaven is just-
Heaven?
Hell?
JACK
Some happy-ever-after we imagine
for ourselves.
CHORUS
Or for our loved ones. Or just
our memory of what we had with
them. And Hell is where we go
when those loved ones die. There
are worse things than death.
(He takes a drink.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Ah. Absinthe. Just like misery,
and just like love, and just like
music. You can lose yourself in
all of them. Three minutes in a
song, three days in love three
years in drunken misery.
JACK
You do know, dont you?
CHORUS
Ive been there, my friend.
been there.
Ive
JACK
Do you know the way out?
BARMAN
Thats time! Finish up your
drinks and move outside!
CHORUS
I know where we can get another
drink, anyway. If you want one.
BARMAN
Your times up, people!
Come on,

now.
CHORUS
(shakes his head)
I dont know. The way out?
(He lights a cigarette.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Death and I go way back. Old
friends. You cant just walk
away from him. Or you could, but
youd be turning your back on the
truth, in a way. See, you can
bargain with any god or devil you
want. But you cant bargain with
Death. Thats why hes the only
one of all the fuckers in this
world that you can ever really
trust. Theres only one way to
deal with Death, Jack. And thats
to just deal with it. Cause if
you can, well, hes the truest
lover youll ever have.
(He takes a slug of absinthe)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Hell follow you wherever you go.
SONG: TANGO FOR THE DEAD
CHORUS
Death, alone of all the gods,
Requires no persuasion,
No gifts, no invitations.
Has no devoted preachers,
But always He can reach us,
No matter what the odds.
CHORUS wanders round the bar, going from REGULAR to
REGULAR.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
But if you can face
His cold, dark embrace,
There's no other love as true
As when Death walks with you.
(pause)
Chosen, alone of all His fools,
To sing His inspiration
In tears and lamentations.
Chosen, alone of all His fools,

To take Him as my muse,
To pay His awful dues,
To praise him as he's cruel.
But if you can face
CHORUS removes the switchblade from his pocket during the
next verse.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Death, when I was sweet sixteen,
You took my heart completely,
Cut out clean and neatly.
Death, when I was sweet sixteen,
You claimed me as your own,
This rag of skin and bone,
To see what is unseen.
(pause)
But if you can face
As when Death(flicking the knife
open)
-walks with you.
(pause)
Death, the enemy of hope.
Death, the chair, the rope.
Death, the heart of every life
Death, cut open with a knife
CHORUS stabs the knife into the table in front of JACK.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Death, destroyer of all lies,
Who crushes all delusions,
All merciful illusions.
Death, destroyer of all lies,
Who opens up the mind
No longer am I blind
With pennies on my eyes.
For if you can face
As CHORUS sings the final verse the REGULARS depart.
Only JACK, CHORUS and the BARMAN are left on stage, the
BARMAN standing at the door, waiting for them to leave to
lock up for the night.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)

Accepts no celebration,
Offers no consolation.
To Him no glass is raised,
For Death will take no praise;
He only takes our lives,
Our husbands and our wives,
Our sisters and our mothers,
Our fathers and our brothers.
Our enemies and lovers.
Like Him there is no other.
The rest are only frauds.
Death!
Alone of all the gods.
JACK looks at the BARMAN, holding up a finger - one more
drink? The BARMAN shakes his head. CHORUS beckons -
follow me -- puts his arm around JACKs shoulder and
leads him towards the door.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
But if you can face
(CHORUS looks over his shoulder at the audience)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Curtain
ACT II. SCENE 1: OUTSIDE THE HELLHOLE

Curtain rises on a dark stage.
CHORUS
You know, once upon a time all
this was just grass. But human
beings well we do love our home
comforts, our civilisation.
Civilisation. One empty little
nowhere town after another, all
clinging to the edge of existence,
parochial little shitholes full of
fuckwits with nothing better to do
than hate the enemies outside,
hate the ones within even more.
But if youre lucky, if youre
very lucky maybe theres at least
one club you can go to, somewhere
that you fit in, somewhere you can
go to forget the fact youre going
nowhere.
Red spots come up on CHORUS and JACK front of stage,
stage-right -- the streets outside the Hellhole. The
doorway is on the far-right, marking the entrance of the
late-night drinking establishment, guarded by a BOUNCER
(the BARMAN from Act I with a black jacket over his white
shirt and black tie). Tables and chairs stage-left and
back mark out its interior.
CHORUS leads JACK across the stage.
JACK
Where are we going?
CHORUS
A den of deviants and decadents,
perverts and pariahs.
JACK
Tell me this isnt a fucking gay
club. I hate the fucking scene.
CHORUS
Dont worry. I dont think youll
feel too out-of-place here.
JACK stops centre-stage, hands on hips, a cocky punk
posture.
JACK
No fat old leather clones with

beer guts and moustaches?
CHORUS
(points with a thumb
over his shoulder)
That would be Valhalla.
JACK
No cheesy fucking boyband disco
pop shite?
CHORUS
Oh, no. Good juke-box here.
Could do with a bit of Nirvana but
I think youll like the sounds.
JACK
No blissed-out disco bunnies
drinking water all night long and
grinning like morons?
CHORUS
God, no. This isnt Heaven were
going to.
JACK
So where are we going?
CHORUS
(grandiose, as he turns)
We, my friend, are going to ah,
were here.
REGULARS come on from stage-right, passing them and
filing through the doorway, which has the EXIT lit up.
There is a dark grotesquerie to the mixed crowd of goths
and gimps, tuxedos and fedoras.
JACK
What the hell is this place.
are these people?
Who
CHORUS
The Hellhole has a very select
clientele. Invitation only.
JACK
You have an invitation?
CHORUS
A standing invitation. I know the
proprietor pretty well.
JACK
Another old friend?

CHORUS
Im not sure about that. Charming
woman, but I wouldnt trust her if
my life depended on it. Not that
thats saying much. My life is no
big deal.
JACK catches up with him and they approach the BOUNCER.
JACK points at him.
JACK
Wait a minute. Werent you ?
(to CHORUS)
Wasnt he ?
Probably.
CHORUS
Come on.
A dominatrix leads a rubbered-up slave on a leash past

them and into the club. JACK stops to gawp.
JACK
Who are these people?
CHORUS exchanges a smile with the BOUNCER.
CHORUS
(ironic)
Creatures of the night. Thats
what they think, anyway. Theyre
all terrible, terrible people.
CHORUS half-speaks, half-sings the opening lines before
the music kicks in, hamming it up big-time. The whole
song is played with that mock outrage, with CHORUS
wagging a finger, crossing his arms, rolling his eyes,
laying it on thick all through.
CHORUS
Think of all the guilt within us
Mortal crimes and misdemeanours
(with relish)
Sado-masochistic sinners
Still
(he shrugs)
Theyre mostly just beginners.
The music begins.
SONG: WELCOME TO THE HELLHOLE
CHORUS
Dead souls, damned souls
Heart as black as blackest coal

Going down
Going down
Dead souls, damned souls
This one killed, this one stole
Going down
Going down
Dead men, damned men
(He flips the chiffon scarf of a passing REGULAR dressed
like Quentin Crisp)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
This one had a boyfriend!
Going down
Going down
Dont you know that its a sin?
Do you know where that has been?
Are you not a Christian?
That is why youre going down!
JACK folds his arms.
JACK
(speaking)
So it is a fucking gay club.
Bollocks to this, man.
CHORUS
Hookers, hustlers,
Blasphemy and cuss-words
Going down
Going down
(he mimes dealing cards)
Gamblers, liars
Headed for the fires
Going down
Going down
Drunks and junkies
(As a young emo guy passes them, CHORUS clamps a hand on
his shoulder.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
This one spanked the monkey!
Going down
Going down
(waggling a finger)
Its a sin to waste your seed
You were put here just to breed
Dont you know that its decreed?
That is why youre going down
He sends the emo on his way with a slap on the back.
Another REGULAR walks past wearing a straitjacket.

CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Made his choices
Listened to the voices
Going down
Going down
(He puts his arm round JACK, the free hand raised in a
grand Romantic posture of declaiming.)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Lovers, poets
Doomed and didnt know it
Going down
Going down
(beckoning to the left)
Doubters
(and to the right)
Rebels
(and all around)
Trouble-making devils!
Going down
Going down
Lets dispense with rigmarole
(pointing to audience)
Sin is there in every soul
(with a grand flourish)
Welcome! to the Hellhole!
You know why youre going down!
And he leads JACK in through the door.
SCENE 2: INSIDE THE HELLHOLE

As the BOUNCER moves the door to the edge of the stage
and exits, lights come up on the interior of the
Hellhole. CHORUS is greeted by the REGULARS of the
Hellhole with slaps on the back as an old friend, wellloved. The BOUNCER re-appears from stage-right, sans
jacket, a BARMAN again. He wanders among the tables,
collecting glasses.
One REGULAR thumps the table theyre seated at.
REGULAR
Fug tha shit!
The BARMAN claps a hand on his shoulder, glowers.
Wha?
REGULAR
Fug you!
The BARMAN takes the REGULARs half-full glass from his

hand. The REGULAR looks panicked and pleading for a
second, as The BARMAN waits.
REGULAR
(barely comprehensible)
Okay Im sorry. Im sorry.
fuggin behave mysel
Ill
The BARMAN returns the glass and the REGULAR downs it

desperately as if it might be the last he ever has. The
BARMAN walks towards JACK and CHORUS. JACK does a
double-take, looking at the doorway, the BARMAN, the
doorway, the BARMAN again.
Hang on.
JACK
How many fucking-
The BARMAN cuts him off with a handshake offered to

CHORUS.
BARMAN
Chorus, Chorus, Chorus!
pleasure, sir.
Always a
(CHORUS shakes his hand but with little enthusiasm.)

BARMAN (CONTINUED)
(to the REGULARS at one
table, clicking his
fingers)
You! Shift!

(The two vacate the table.)
BARMAN (CONTINUED)
Herself will be happy to see you
in the audience this evening.
(He takes a hold of one of the REGULARS wrists and
twists it to look at their watch)
BARMAN (CONTINUED)
Or should I say, this morning.
(noticing JACK)
And shell be chuffed to bits to
see you
He extends a hand towards JACK
JACK
(warily accepting)
Jack.
PROPRIETOR
Oh, I know, sir! Jack Flash! The
one and only. We all know your
work here. Herself is an avid
fan. Always going on about you,
she is.
(impersonating)
Such passion. Such energy. Such
fire. Such pain.
(waving at the seats)
Please, make yourself at home.
Youll be wanting some drinks, no
doubt.
Jack puts a hand into his pocket.
BARMAN
Oh, no, sir. The first ones
always free here. Whatll you
have?
CHORUS
As ever absinthe.
BARMAN
The drink of poets and lost
lovers, eh?
(to JACK)
And yourself?
JACK
The same.
BARMAN

Right you are. Please, take a
seat, gents. We have a fine show
tonight. Im sure youll both
enjoy it.
CHORUS
Whos on the bill?
PROPRIETOR
Got a little floor show first off.
Bit of a special guest, surprise
appearance, you know?
(he taps the side of his
nose)
Then, after that tonight is
karaoke night. Yes, sir, its
open mic night in the Hellhole
Cabaret. Show should be starting
any moment now.
JACK checks his watch.
JACK
Its two in the morning.
PROPRIETOR
It is indeed. No better time for
the music of the Hellhole.
CHORUS
Our hosts musical tastes run
towards the darker side of
things.
BARMAN
Ill say. Nick Cave, Tom Waits,
Leonard Cohen, Kylie Minogue.
Weve had them all through the
doors of the Hellhole.
JACK
Kylie Minogue?
BARMAN
Better The Devil You Know.
dark, dark song.
Hmmm.
JACK
Okay.
BARMAN
So, any chance you gentsll be
honouring us with a song or two?
JACK

I dont know. I dont know if
Ill ever sing again.
BARMAN
Dont say that, sir. That would
be a bloody crime. And Herself
would be most dischuffed. She
loves your work. Especially the
early funny ones. Whats that
song shes always on about? How
does it go again? People are
strange. Youre thinking, when
will things change.
JACK
You know youre strange.
Nowhere Town. But
Thats
BARMAN
Thats the one. Listens to it all
the time, she does.
JACK
But
BARMAN
But, what am I like? Gabbing away
and you dont even have your
drinks yet! You just wait there
and Ill be right back.
Exit BARMAN.
JACK
But we never released Nowhere
Town.
CHORUS
(shrugs)
Maybe its a bootleg. Our host is
quite the collector when it comes
to broken-hearted musicians.
JACK
We werent even fucking signed
when We dropped it from the set
we havent even played it since
(beat)
I didnt want to sing it any more.
CHORUS
But you loved that song, Jack
The one fucking song with any
fucking heart in it. Thats what
you said.

JACK
Its bullshit. Dont let the
fuckers grind you down? Fucking
wank, mate. Thats all it ever
was.
CHORUS
Puck didnt think so.
JACK
Pucks dead. I walk into his life
and tell him, fuck it, it doesnt
matter. None of it matters. And
three days later hes fucking dead
and its damn fucking right that
nothing fucking matters.
(beat)
Songs fucking bullshit.
CHORUS
From what you told me, seems like
Puck would JACK
Pucks dead!
Enter the BARMAN with drinks for JACK and CHORUS. JACK
takes his and slugs half of it. CHORUS takes his and
sips.
JACK
Sorry, mate. Didnt mean to bite
your head off.
CHORUS
We all have our sore points.
JACK
You never did tell us your own sad
tale.
CHORUS
Not so different from yours, Jack.
The cruel hand of fate. A loved
one dead before their time.
(quietly, to himself)
And the years of rot that follow.
(to JACK)
To absinthe friends, eh?
JACK laughs and clinks glasses with CHORUS.
JACK
Sure.

(A spotlight comes up on the dais. Music begins -- a
waltz. The REGULARS start to gather in front of the
dias.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Hey ho. Looks like the floor
shows about to start. Whats the
entertainment like in here anyway?
CHORUS
Ill let you judge for yourself.
Im a little biased in that
department.
Enter the PROPRIETOR, stage-right, spotlit on the dais.
Played by the same actor that plays Fay, shes a Marlene
Dietrich femme fatale with the air of a 1930s Berlin
night-club owner, dressed in evening dress with cigarette
holder in one hand, whisky glass in the other. She sings
the song sweetly, but with an edge of cruelty, a
vindictive relish of the despair shes reminding her
patrons of.
SONG: THE OBLIVION WALTZ
PROPRIETOR
Ladies and gentlemen, please take
your place
A drink in your hand held with
balance and grace
You'll get into the music and out
of your face
As we dance the Oblivion Waltz, my
dears
We dance the Oblivion Waltz, 2, 3
1, 2, 3
1, 2, 3
1, 2, 3
(The REGULARS begin dancing, all individually, with their
drinks as partners)
PROPRIETOR (CONTINUED)
The first flush of love it can
only bewitch
And time only deepens that passion
so rich
But then its all over cause life
is a bitch
So we dance the Oblivion Waltz, my
dears
1, 2, 3
2, 2, 3

3, 2, 3
(As she starts fucking with the numbers, the drunkenness
of the REGULARS becomes increasingly apparent as they
bump into each other.)
As Death and the Devil go arm in
arm
So drinking and dancing hold twice
the charm
If our partner is poison, there is
no harm
As we dance the Oblivion Waltz, my
dears
1, 2, 3
1, 1, 2
2, 3, 3
(One REGULAR bumps into another and they start shoving
each other, calm down when the BARMAN manhandles them
apart.)
From cradle to grave were all
born to die
But love lingers on as a tear in
your eye
The moments, the memories, each
sullen goodbye
dears
3, 2, 1
2, 3, 1
2, 3, 4
(She comes down from the stage, to sing directly to
CHORUS.)
The poets forlorn when his Muse
she has fled
The lover is cold with a corpse in
her bed
And poor Chorus is lost with his
Orchestra dead
dear
We dance the Oblivion -Cant go on living? Then -Dance the Oblivion Waltz!

The music finishes and the REGULARS applaud. The
PROPRIETOR steps back up onto the platform, motions for
silence.
PROPRIETOR
Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my
good friends, we have such a show
for you tonight. And what makes
it so special? Because its you
- you, my gorgeous decadents and
deviants - who make the Hellhole
what it is. It is you, my
luscious rakes, rapscallions and
reprobates, whove made me what I
am today, and I am proud to say
that it is you - you - who are
this evenings entertainment.
Forgive me, if that sounds
boastful, but I am proud of my
performers. Is that wrong of me?
Is it? Is it really? I dont
think so. Oh, but we have more
than just that. Because before
that, ladies and gentlemen, we
have a very special guest, someone
I know youre all going to just
adore. Hes backstage right now,
getting ready, so if you need to
refill your glasses Id advise you
to go and do it right now, while
you have the chance, because you
dont want to miss a second of
this performance.
(pause)
Well, on you go.
The audience disperses, mostly in the direction of the
bar, while the band begins playing a quiet instrumental
version of Tango for the Dead as background music. The
PROPRIETOR steps down from the stage and sashays towards
CHORUS and JACK.
PROPRIETOR
Jack Flash! It is such a pleasure
to meet you. Ive been waiting so
long for you to finally bless us
with your presence. Im one of
your most ardent admirers,
honestly. I love the delicious
way those early humorous numbers
-- like Suicide Pact -- mask an
underlying hatred for the sheer
banality of the human race. And
Nowhere Town? Oh, Jack, the way
youve turned that into a focus of

such hatred, such self-pity, the
way it sings in your heart to this
day, all out of key, all dissonant
and JACK
What the fuck are you on about?
(to CHORUS)
Is this some kind of twisted
fucking set-up? How do you know
about Nowhere Town?
(to Chorus)
How does she know?
CHORUS
Jack, we didnt just come here for
a last drink. Theres something
you need to know, something you
need to remember.
JACK
What?!
CHORUS pauses.
PROPRIETOR
Oh, wait! You havent told him?
He doesnt know. Oh, Im so glad
to be here for this moment.
Chorus, darling, I could kiss you.
Go on, tell him where he is. Tell
him what hes doing here.
JACK
Tell me what? What about this
place? Why am I here?
CHORUS
Same reason as everyone else,
Jack. Were all here because we
lost a little part of ourselves,
or because were the part thats
lost. A lost heart. A lost love.
A lost soul. And in your case,
Jack, a whole lot of lost blood.
CHORUS brings out the switchblade, drops it on the table.
CHORUS
You know, one of the great fags of
history, the artist Caravaggio,
had a knife inscribed with the
motto, Nec Spe, Nec Metu No
Hope, No Fear.

He picks up a glass of absinthe and stares down into it.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
When hope dies, Jack when the
last of your hope truly dies it
can be a very liberating
experience.
JACK
Yeah. Sounds like a real positive
outlook on life.
CHORUS
I think so.
(pause)
Mind you, you know how Caravaggio
died, Jack? Stabbed in the
street. Like Marlowe, another
great artistic fag. Both of them
picked fights with ugly little
street thugs and found themselves
on the wrong end of the knife.
You might take that as a lesson.
JACK picks up the knife, turns it over in his hand.
JACK
(uneasy)
Where did you get this?
CHORUS
It was lying on the street outside
the whats it called? There was
a band playing there earlier on
tonight.
Tonight?
JACK
Outside a gig...
CHORUS
Come on, Jack. You should
remember. It was your band, your
gig.
JACK
(slowly)
Where am I?
CHORUS
Strictly speaking, youre still on
that street outside your last gig,
with your heart pumping the life
out of you and into the gutter
through a bloody big hole in your
gut caused by this knife.

PROPRIETOR
(innocently helpful)
If you focus you can probably
still feel the pain. In your gut.
Its like phantom limb syndrome,
only for the whole body.
CHORUS
You remember what happened outside
the gig, Jack. You can pretend
you dont but you know it inside.
JACK looks from one to the other. He studies the palms
of his open hands, as if he might see through them.
JACK
I was I was arguing with Joey.
The taxi wasnt there.
(quietly)
No.
(more agitated)
No. No way.
(desperate)
No, no, no, no, no. No fucking
way!
PROPRIETOR
Ever suffer from periods of
amnesia, Jack? Drunken blackouts?
Maybe you just dont remember
dying?
JACK
Or maybe this is all just some
fucked-up delusion. OK! OK!
Maybe I am lying on the street,
but maybe Im dreaming all of this
up because Im fucked out of my
face and bleeding to death.
PROPRIETOR
Then you must have a rather
twisted imagination and some
serious self-worth issues.
JACK
What the fuck are you saying? What
is this place?
PROPRIETOR
Oh, hes so slow.
CHORUS
You know what it is, Jack.

PROPRIETOR
Starts with an H. Rhymes with
death knell, rotting bodies
smell, Dont hurt me, daddy.
Ill never tell. Hih, hih, hih
JACK
Hell. Youre saying Im in Hell?!
God, you people are fuckingPROPRIETOR
Please! Lets not use the G-word.
And lets not pretend you havent
been in Hell for a while, Jack.
What is it now? Three years?
Three years up to your neck in it.
This is just you finally slipping
under.
JACK
No fucking way.
Jesus fucking -
PROPRIETOR
Please! Honestly, you people.
God this. Jesus that. Krishna,
Buddha, Zeus and bloody Isis. All
those prayers and petitions. The
only thing the gods ever gave you
was the curse of a life that ends.
Oh and all those eternities to
choose from if you fit the door
policy. Dont worry, Jack, We
dont ask for piety or purity
here.
CHORUS
(bitter and pointed)
Just pain.
The PROPRIETOR glowers at CHORUS.
his chair back.
JACK stands, pushing
JACK
Bullshit. I dont believe in any
of this crap. Youre fucking
nutjobs.
JACK backs away from both of them.
notices the knife, reaches for it.
The PROPRIETOR
PROPRIETOR
And while were on the subject of
door policies. Chorus, I do
appreciate the dramatic flair, but
you know we dont allow weapons in

here. Im going to have to
CHORUS places his hand over the knife and the PROPRIETOR
stops mid-motion.
CHORUS
Your rules. Not mine.
She draws her hand back, looking none too happy about it.
JACK
(incredulous in general)
Hell has a fucking weapons
policy?!
PROPRIETOR
We do value the security of our
clientele.
JACK
Theyre dead! If I take your word
for it.
CHORUS
You dont have to be dead to be in
Hell, Jack.
PROPRIETOR
But it helps.
JACK
Bollocks to this.
here.
Im out of
The PROPRIETOR motions to the BARMAN as JACK turns, waves

him to the door.
PROPRIETOR
Oh, dont leave yet, Jack.
miss our special guest
performance.
Youll
JACK
(turning back to her)
I dont give a fuck.
The BARMAN moves to block the door.
PROPRIETOR
You will.
(rising from her chair)
And I do believe its time to
start the show.
She waves a hand.

Blackout.
SCENE: PUCKS GIG / JACKS HELL

Lights come up, a single spot on the PROPRIETOR, now on
the dais, and ambient light on JACK, trying to get round
the BARMAN.
PROPRIETOR
Ladies and gentlemen if any of us
here can be truly called that I
hope youre all preparing your
songs for the karaoke. I do hope
so. But before that, oh, weve
got someone here whos going to
show us all how its done. Hes
been a regular here for three
years now, and I have watched his
passion go from strength to
strength. My dears, my loves,
this boy is positively
incandescent now, and I want you
to open up your arms to him, give
him the welcome he so richly
deserves. I want you to make him
feel at home because I want to see
him on this stage again and again
and again. Ladies and gentlemen,
his parents called him Thomas, but
we all know him by another name,
given him by the love of his life
Please Give it up for Puck!
Enter PUCK stage-right, onto the dais, dressed in rippedup white hustler jeans and sleeveless tee, flanked by the
FATES, all now dressed in biker leathers. The audience
applauds. JACK turns and bolts for the stage but is
stopped by CHORUS. The PROPRIETOR steps down from the
dais, moves towards them.
JACK
(whirling on CHORUS)
What the fuck is this? What is
this?
CHORUS
Just listen.
JACK
Puck!
Puck!
REGULARS
Puck! Puck!
Puck!
PUCK looks around, sullen, hostile.

CHORUS
Just listen.
The guitars kick in hard for the song, during which PUCK
stalks the stage like an animal. The FATES join in on
the chorus with banshee-howl backing vocals:
SONG: INCUBATION
PUCK
On the inside,
Theres a devil of a riptide,
Dragging me down,
Making me drown.
On the outside,
Theres a razor on the soft hide,
Stripping my skin,
To the devil within.
(pause)
And Im gonna drive myself insane.
Gonna tear myself apart.
Im gonna drive you from my brain,
Cut you out of my fucking heart.
(pause)
Schizophrenia.
Have they ever really seen ya,
Hole in the head, man,
Walking like a dead man?
Paranoia.
Does your enemy annoy ya?
Every little prick
Has another kick for ya.
(pause)
(pause)
Isolation.
Like a fucking mental patient,
Freaking them out
With the fear and the doubt.
Incubation.
Theres a fucking correlation:
Outside is in;
And the inside is out.
In the graveyard,
Theres a cemetary home guard,
Children in black eyeliner
Taking the flak.
In the schoolyard,
Theres a cemetary vanguard,
Children in black trenchcoats
Getting their own back.

(pause)
What am I incubating?
The audience cheers and applauds but PUCK just turns and
stalks off the platform and off the stage, the FATES
following behind.
Puck!
JACK
Puck!
CHORUS grabs JACKs arm, holding him back.

JACK
Hes here. How can he be here?
What is he doing here?
He pulls himself free of CHORUSs grip.
PROPRIETOR
What are any of us doing here? It
was a choice. Jack, every soul
here had a score of eternities to
choose from. This is a very busy
little corner of nowhere. Theres
a whole world out there, Jack a
whole world of town after town
after town of club after club
after club. Drink after drink
after drink. Song after song
after song. But this is where he
chose.
(beat)
I rather think hes punishing
himself for all the pain he caused
you.
JACK
No.
PROPRIETOR
I mean, its bad enough to have
your one chance for happiness just
snatched away, all of those dreams
just crushed. But what if you

those dreams were shared? What if
you knew your death had broken the
heart of the only human being who
ever showed you love. I cant
imagine the despair.
CHORUS
Oh, dont do yourself down. Id
say you know despair pretty damn
well.
PROPRIETOR
But the anger, even more. The
anger would just eat away at you,
eat and eat until there wasnt any
you left, just a hollow shell of
rage and frustration. No love.
No mercy. Oh, but how white-hot
would be the hatred burning in
your head? Is that how demons are
born, do you think? A seed of
anger nurtured and grown,
incubated in despair, until one
day one day the rage just
spreads its leathery wings and out
of innocence is born a thing of
fury that knows only how to hate
the world and all thats in it,
for the innocence it murdered.
CHORUS
Life isnt fair.
PROPRIETOR
But Death is just plain cruel.
Tell me, Jack. Whats more
horrific than an eternity of
torture?
JACK
I dont know.
PROPRIETOR
An eternity where all you are is
someone elses torture. The way
Puck is yours.
JACK shoves past her and runs onto the stage, searches
frantically for the exit to backstage. CHORUS sits down
at the table.
JACK
How do I get backstage? Wheres
the fucking door?

PROPRIETOR
The door?
She points at the prop door, the exit from the Hellhole.
JACK
I mean the door to backstage.
PROPRIETOR
I only see the one door, Jack. If
you want to use it, feel free.
You were on your way out, werent
you? Well, on you go. Just walk
out that door and never look back.
But its not that simple, is it,
Jack? Three years of looking back
is a hard habit to break.
(beat)
Besides, it would be such a shame
if you were to miss the rest of
the show. Who knows who might
come back to do an encore. And
with the famous Jack Flash in the
audience. Im sure hed be
ecstatic to see you. Dont you
think its just delightful when
one singer spots another in the
audience and calls them up on
stage for a duet. I know, I know,
its corny and its trite but
isnt it really quite touching?
The two of you -- now that could
be something wonderful.
JACK
It was.
He comes back to the table, leans on it to confront
CHORUS.
JACK
Why did you bring me here?
CHORUS
Because its my job. Because I
thought it might be a learning
experience. And because you were
already on your way.
JACK
Did you know hed be here?
she put you up to this?
Did
CHORUS
I dont play those sort of games,

Jack. My employer doesnt
approve.
JACK glares at him silently for a bit.
the PROPRIETOR.
Rises.
JACK
OK, then. If this is Hell, youre
the Devil, right? So whats the
fucking deal?
CHORUS
(warning in his voice)
Jack.
PROPRIETOR
(laughing)
The Devil? Oh, Jack, your naivety
is charming. Im not the Devil,
dear boy. Just an intermediary,
authorised to act on his behalf.
(smiling at CHORUS)
Just another middle man with a
little administrative autonomy.
JACK
So what are you authorised to do
for me? Come on, whats the deal?
You want my soul? Its yours.
Im sick of it.
PROPRIETOR
Oh, but Jack we already own your
soul. So many owners, Jack. Poor
Jack. Bought with Love and owned
by Death and given away to Drink
and the Devil. Soul?
(picking up a glass)
This is the only spirit anyone
cares about in here.
JACK
Drink and the Devil, eh?
dont own me.
You
PROPRIETOR
I told you, Jack. Im not the
Devil. No more than our friend
here
(gesturing at CHORUS)
is the Grim Reaper. Death?
Damnation? These are ideas, Jack.
Not people. Its just that
sometimes the ideas serve the
people and sometimes
Turns to

(She snaps her fingers and the waiter produces a glass of
absinthe.)
the people serve
(She holds the glass up to examine it, then gives it to
JACK.)
ideas.
JACK knocks the drink back. CHORUS shakes his head and
does the same with his drink He walks to the bar.
PROPRIETOR
You want to make a deal with me,
Jack? What have you got to offer?
And what do you want? Another
drink?
(She takes another glass from the waiter and hands it to
JACK, who downs it. CHORUS takes a drink out of the hand
of one of the REGULARS and slugs it back angrily.)
PROPRIETOR
Anything else I can get for you?
JACK
I want Puck. I want him out of
here.
PROPRIETOR
(laughing)
Oh, the old ones are the best.
Thats well, thats just classic.
What are you going to do? Sing us
all a song to melt our hearts And
maybe the Lord of the Dead will be
so moved, so touched, hell let
you walk out of here with the love
of your life? Is that how its
supposed to work? Chorus?
CHORUS
From him alone of all the daimones
Persuasion stands aloof.
(He takes a drink and JACK follows suit.)
JACK
I wont leave here without him.
CHORUS
Thats what shes betting on.

PROPRIETOR
Leaving with hims not an option,
Jack. I may be the proprietor of
this club, but its a franchise,
you could say. An establishment
like this were talking corporate
policy, Jack.
JACK
So you dont have any power?
CHORUS
Oh, dont underestimate our hosts
power, Jack. But have you ever
trusted in the powerful, Jack?
PROPRIETOR
Oh, husht, Chorus. Its a simple
offer, Jack. Youre welcome to
stay here with Puck, for as long
as you want, the two of you
together. We never close.
CHORUS
(bitter)
And its always Happy Hour in the
Hellhole, isnt it?
PROPRIETOR
You should know, Chorus.
here often enough.
Youre
CHORUS
(sarcastic)
I just cant live without you.
JACK
Fuck this shit. Stop playing
games with me. What do you want?
Me for him?
CHORUS
(rounding on JACK)
This isnt a game, Jack. For her
maybe, but not for you, not for
Puck. You try and strike a deal
with her and shell screw you into
the ground. She wants you both.
JACK
Then what else is there for either
of us? You got a better offer?
You got anything to offer me that
even comes close?

CHORUS
(through gritted teeth)
Nothing. But, Jack. I told you
why I brought you here, but I
didnt tell you everything. Jack,
you dont belong here, not yet.
Youre notJACK
Shut up!
CHORUS and JACK both down their drinks, as if its become
a contest between them. JACK leans on the table,
unsteady on his feet. He points at CHORUS, glass in
hand.
JACK
Youre full of shit. Youre both
full of shit. I dont trust
either of you.
(to the PROPRIETOR)
Let me see him, you fucker.
PROPRIETOR
Such passion, Jack. Such rage.
CHORUS
Pie in the sky when you die, Jack?
You really think you can trust
her? This whole happy-everafterlife? Dream on.
JACK
Leave me alone!
Such fury.
PROPRIETOR
Such frustration.
CHORUS
Dont lie to yourself, Jack.
know bullshit when youNo!
You
JACK
Get away from me.
(He shrugs himself away from both of them and stalks off
towards the doorway. Stops.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Let me see him again. Let me talk
to him. Then Ill decide.
CHORUS
Jack, you wanted one more drink.
You got it. You wanted to see

Puck again. You got it. You
wanted one more chance, well, this
is it. Youre just a visitor,
Jack.
JACK
Shut up.
CHORUS
You dont have to stay here. You
can walk out that door, and never
look back. Youve lost a lot of
blood, butJACK
I dont want to hear it.
CHORUS
-youre not dead!
Shut up!
JACK
I dont fucking care!
JACK staggers and the PROPRIETOR takes him by the arm. He

shrugs her off.
JACK
Bring him to me and Ill decide.
PROPRIETOR
Sing us a song and Ill bring him
to you. If you want to talk to
him, you have to give me something
in exchange. A songCHORUS
-whichll make you hers, Jack.
Her performer. Her entertainment.
Shes just trying to seal the
deal.
JACK stalks down to the table, grabs the knife and points
it at CHORUS.
JACK
Shut! Up!
(to the PROPRIETOR)
Im not singing.
PROPRIETOR
(sourly)
Well then, youll just have to
whistle for your Puck.
Jack stares at her.
Pause.

JACK
Ill wait.
PROPRIETOR
You may have to wait for some
time, dear boy.
Jack sits down at the table.
JACK
I have plenty of time.
CHORUS
No you dont, Jack.
JACK
(more forceful)
I have plenty of time.
The PROPRIETOR joins them at the table.
PROPRIETOR
We all have plenty of time here,
dear Chorus.
Blackout.
SCENE THREE: KARAOKE NIGHT IN HELL

A single spot lights CHORUS, who walks forward to address
the audience.
CHORUS
Time heals all wounds, I hear they
say.
But if the wound is poisoned,
every happy hour
The rot spreads more; and as it
eats, as it devours,
I tell you this: It feels like PROPRIETOR
(entering the light)
- yesterday. Chorus, dear, you
know talking to yourself is the
first sign of madness. And its
not polite to ignore guests.
The lights come up. JACK sits at a table, stage-left,
scratching at it with the knife. Everything is very
quiet and very still. The PROPRIETOR sits down in the
chair facing him. JACK weighs the knife in his hand,
casual.
JACK
(casually menacing)
So what would happen if you got
your throat cut in Hell? Can you
die again if youre already dead?
Just wondering, like.
PROPRIETOR
Thinking of suicide or murder?
Either way, Ive seen it happen,
but I really have no idea whats
after the hereafter, dear boy.
Not my domain. Chorus?
CHORUS
(shrugs)
The nowhereafter? Oblivion? Im
sure well both find out someday.
Eternity is a long time to dodge a
bullet when youre playing Russian
Roulette.
The PROPRIETOR stands, strolls from table to table,
playing the host. She leans on a table to speak to one
drunken REGULAR. CHORUS sits down in the seat vacated by
the PROPRIETOR, takes a coin out of his pocket, starts

flipping it.
REGULAR
[bitter, broken, hopeless]
Fuck off, ya basad bitchin
fugga.
The REGULAR stands up suddenly, knocking over his chair,
turning belligerently on the PROPRIETOR.
REGULAR
Lea me lone.
PROPRIETOR
Settle down, dear boy.
REGULAR
Fuin whores and mufurs!
Fuin
(He pushes the table away.
him.)
The BARMAN moves towards
PROPRIETOR
Now thats enough of that.
REGULAR
Fu you!
The REGULAR lunges at the PROPRIETOR, who sidesteps
easily and shoves him into the arms of the BARMAN.
PROPRIETOR
Outside.
The BARMAN manhandles the drunk towards the door.
REGULAR
No! No! I won go! Fuin lea me
lone, ya fuin basad!
JACK
Not so keen on the anger and pain
when its aimed at you, eh?
PROPRIETOR
We do have some standards.
The BARMAN flinches from a blow struck by a flailing
fist. He punches the REGULAR, dropping him to the floor,
then begins kicking him viciously, over and over.
JACK
Oi!

PROPRIETOR
Now, now, Jack, dont involve
yourself in other peoples
problems. The man was asking for
it. Its just his usual night out
on the tiles drink till youre
hammered, pick a fight, go home
via Accident & Emergency. He must
enjoy it, he comes back for it
often enough.
JACK
Fuck you.
JACK stands up, the knife still in his hand. CHORUS
catches the coin in the air and holds his fist clenched
around it.
PROPRIETOR
This is not your business, Jack.
JACK ignores her, stalks up to shoulder the BARMAN away
from the REGULAR. CHORUS starts flipping the coin again.
JACK
I think hes fucking had enough,
mate.
The PROPRIETOR leans in close and snatches the coin from
CHORUS.
PROPRIETOR
Looks like your boys finally
showing a bit of mettle. Care for
a wager? Heads or tails?
CHORUS just brings another coin out of his pocket and
starts flipping that one silently. The PROPRIETOR turns
back to JACK and the BARMAN.
PROPRIETOR
Jack, we really cant have people
brandishing weapons in the
Hellhole, threatening staff.
JACK
(noticing the knife)
What? I wasnt PROPRIETOR
Come on now. Jack. Lets all be
reasonable. We just cant have
you attacking my people.
JACK

(pointing with the
knife)
You know I wasnt fucking
attacking anyone.
PROPRIETOR
And we certainly cant have you
threatening me.
The BARMAN tackles him and knocks the knife out of his
hand. It slides across the floor to CHORUS, who puts his
foot on it. The BARMAN and JACK tussle until JACK headbutts him and the BARMAN goes down. JACK starts kicking
him, equally as savage.
JACK
See how you fucking like it! You
wanna fucking kick someone around?
Eh? Eh? Ya fucking cunt. Ill
kick yer fucking head in.
CHORUS
JACK!
JACK stops. He staggers back, shocked at his own
viciousness.
PROPRIETOR
Well, well. The Jack strikes
back.
JACK
(menacing)
Ive had enough of this shit.
Wheres Puck?
He moves towards the PROPRIETOR
PROPRIETOR
We havent had a song from you
yet, Jack.
(backing away)
You know if you sing he might well
hear it and come running into your
arms. And right now it looks to
me like youre in just the right
mood. How about Nowhere Town,
Jack? Too painful? Bring back
too many memories?
JACK
Dont fucking push me.
PROPRIETOR
How about Nothing In My Sight?

hear youve encored that one every
gig for the last five years. Come
on, Jack. One more time.
JACK
Fuck that shit.
Wheres Puck?
PROPRIETOR
Puck for a song, Jack.
Puck.
A song for
CHORUS
And an encore that goes on
forever.
PROPRIETOR
Just one little song. Three
minutes.
CHORUS
Three days. Three years. Three
lifetimes. Jack, dont let her
play you.
The PROPRIETOR continues to back away, moving around the
table so that it is between them, as JACK advances slowly
towards his host.
PROPRIETOR
Go on, Jack. Give us a blast of
Nothing In My Sight. No gods. No
masters.
JACK
Shut up! Im never singing that
shit again.
PROPRIETOR
Oh, one more time, for old times
sake. Just one more time.
CHORUS
And another and another and
another. Dont you see her game,
Jack?
(mimicking the
PROPRIETOR)
Have another drink, Jack. And
another and another and another.
(He holds up his glass)
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Come on! Ill match you drink for
drink, Jack! Lets you and me get

fucking wasted. Ill even tell
you my own heartache. Ill tell
you hers! You want to hear a sob
story, Jack?
JACK sweeps the glasses off the table, turns on the
PROPRIETOR.
JACK
You want a fucking song?
He throws the table over and the PROPRIETOR moves to the
side, backs away towards the platform.
PROPRIETOR
You know what they say, Jack: a
sorrow shared is a sorrow bared.
Come on. Just one little song to
brighten up our long dark journey
into night. Jack, oh, Jack.
Youre such a little firestarter.
Our little Puck could learn so
much from such a rebel as you, so
full of sound and fury
JACK
Signifying nothing? I know the
quote. And thats what you want,
right? The whole fucking works?
The fucking Antichrist Superstar?!
PROPRIETOR
Yes, Jack! Yes! Give us some of
that old frazzle-dazzle! Give us
some of that old time
belligerence. Give us that houdoo
that you do so well!
JACK
Rage all the worse because you
know its fucking pointless?!
PROPRIETOR
Exactly!
JACK
Fucking wank and bollocks turned
up to eleven?!
PROPRIETOR
To infinity, Jack! Feedback to
forever!
CHORUS
Jack, no-

JACK
And you can shut the fuck up!
want a song? Ill give you a
fucking song.
You
PROPRIETOR
Give it to me, Jack.
The PROPRIETOR backs away from JACK until one heel kicks
the edge of the platform. JACK leans in close, reaching
past her to grab the mic.
JACK
Ill give you everything Ive got,
cause, love, it aint worth shit
to me.
SONG: THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO CUM AGAIN
JACK
I got the Devil on my mind,
I got God on my dick.
I got a fistful of hellfire,
Paradise in my prick.
Im a retro-fitted one-man toy.
Im your 21st Century Boi.
But its the shape of things to
come again.
I dont care where. I dont care
when.
Just want my money shot 15 seconds
of fame.
Cause its the shape of things to
cum and cum again.
JACK picks on one of the REGULARS a fetish type - and
starts singing to them, overtly sexual and provocative.
JACK (CONTINUED)
You got yer boybands in boxers,
Stripped to the waist.
You got yer emos in lipstick;
Just gimme a taste.
Its the soul punk rock funk Real
McCoy.
Its the 21st Century Sexy Boy.
(He mimes masturbation, a wankers gesture)
JACK (CONTINUED)
And its the shape of things to
come again.
I dont care where. I dont care
when.

Its a ripped-off, stripped-off
gender-bend.
cum and cum again.
JACK picks on a more conventional-looking REGULAR for the
next verse.
JACK (CONTINUED)
I got the riffs that Ive stolen,
And Im fingering my gun.
So, mothers and fathers,
Lock up your sons.
I got a loaded weapon to deploy.
Im your 21st Century Boi.
Its the shape of things to come
again.
You wont know where and you wont
know when.
Im the backlash, Jack Flash,
without shame.
And Im the shape of things to cum
and cum again.
(Circling a finger yah de yah. JACK puts one foot up on
the dais, as if to step onto it, leering at the
PROPRIETOR.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Im a spring-heeled ripper,
Out on the hunt.
Im a jack flash fire flash gordon
flash flood flash harry flash
point flash cunt.
Im the fucking Pink Panther; Im
a groovy cat.
A gentleman, a scholar and an
acrobat.
A little bit shy, a little bit
coy.
But Im your 21st Century Boi.
And theres a little bit of Iggy
in my head
And theres a little bit of Ziggy
in my bed
Theres a little bit of Kurt
splattered on my shoe
And theres a little bit of me in
every one of you
(JACK steps down to sneer right in the PROPRIETORs
face.)
JACK (CONTINUED)
Its the shape of things to come

again.
We dont care where, dont care
when.
I got hydrochloric acid running
thru my veins.
I heard the bullshit of a billion
and it sounds the same.
Its just the same old broken
record that never ends.
Cause every fucking generation has
its growing pains
Its just a wanker with a mirror
playing Lets Pretend.
cum and cum again.
He spits in the PROPRIETORs face, throws the microphone
down and stands, staring her down as she claps slowly and
mechanically.
PROPRIETOR
Bravo, Jack. Bravo. But I think
you went a little far right at the
end there.
JACK
Spitting too much for you?
PROPRIETOR
(still looking at Jack)
Throw him out.
(Nobody moves.
REGULARS.)
She whips round to snarl at the

DO IT!
The REGULARS hold for just another moment then charge at
JACK, mobbing him. They drag him offstage, lift him and
carry him, kicking and screaming all the way.
PROPRIETOR
So much for Puck, Jack. Ill be
sure and tell him you said, hi!
Exit JACK.
The PROPRIETOR wipes her face.

PROPRIETOR
Well, that went well, I thought.
CHORUS
He spat in your face.
PROPRIETOR

Yes.
How original.
CHORUS
Sometimes the old ones are the
best.
CHORUS walks towards the doorway.
PROPRIETOR
Dont worry. Hell be back. One
taste of the spotlight here and
(She smiles)
You know, I cant believe you
brought him here. You must have
known one sight of his precious
Puck and hed be mine, sooner or
later. What were you thinking?
CHORUS
Hes not dead yet. And you know
what he was saying in that song or
you wouldnt have thrown him out.
PROPRIETOR
You and your nihilist life-lessons
for the near-death tourists. Show
them the futility of their false
hopes. Hope theyll let them go
and choose life. How often has it
worked?
CHORUS
Its about fifty-fifty.
PROPRIETOR
Well. Best run along and find him
then. But when he drags you back
here darling, you know youre
always welcome.
CHORUS
Dont worry. Ill be seeing you.
Exit CHORUS.
The PROPRIETOR walks over to the table, puts it right way
up, and bends down to the floor to pick up the knife
dropped by JACK. She stabs it into the table with a
sudden fury, glowers at the BARMAN.
PROPRIETOR
(through gritted teeth)
Be a good man and go backstage.
Tell young Puck I have a public
appearance lined up for him. I

want him to meet his number one
fan.
(As The BARMAN departs, she brings out the coin taken
from CHORUS, starts flipping it.)
Oh, youll get your Puck, my boy
lying on the street in his own
blood if I have to cut his heart
out myself.
(She looks around at the few remaining REGULARS.)
Its just so much more romantic
when they do it to themselves,
though, dont you think?
The PROPRIETOR catches the coin with one hand, slaps it
down on the back of the other, peeks at it, turns to one
of the REGULARS.
PROPRIETOR
What do you say? Heads, I win;
tails, you lose?
Blackout.
SCENE 4: THE STREETS OF NOWHERE

Lights come up on an empty stage, all the tables and
chairs now removed. The doorway stands stage-left, No
Exit lit up. Enter PUCK and the PROPRIETOR stage-left
and towards the back of the stage. As they talk they
walk diagonally across to front of stage, stage-right.
PUCK
Where are we going anyway?
PROPRIETOR
Oh, this is just about far enough,
I think. Hell have to pass this
corner eventually. All roads lead
to home, you might say.
PUCK
Who is this fan, anyway?
Why -
PROPRIETOR
Did I say fan? I meant to say
flame. As in old flame. Fan.
Flame. Fanning the flames. You
can see how I got mixed up.
PUCK
What are you talking about?
old flame?
What
PROPRIETOR
And flame is the right word here
as well. Very fiery temperament.
PUCK
Who?
Not-
PROPRIETOR
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack go under the limbo stick.
PUCK
No. Jack cant be here. Not Jack.
He wasPROPRIETOR
Drunken. Despairing. Devastated
by the tragic and untimely demise
of a certain you.
PUCK
Jack wouldnt be like that. He-

PROPRIETOR
Never recovered from it, dear boy.
Im afraid to say you rather
ruined his life. Like a little
worm that burrowed its way right
through the apple of his heart,
eating and eating until there
wasnt anything left.
PUCK
No, thats not fair
PROPRIETOR
Life isnt fair, dear boy.
death is downright cruel.
And
PUCK
No no
PROPRIETOR
Jack Flash is wandering around
these very streets, right here,
right now, a bitter wreck of a
boy and all because of you. I
suspect hes looking for some
doorway into utter oblivion even
as we speak.
PUCK
I dont believe you.
PROPRIETOR
He spent most of the night in the
Hellhole drinking like there was
no tomorrow - or like he
desperately wanted there to be no
tomorrow. A systematic
derangement of the senses, you
might call it. Actually it was
more like a systematic eradication
of all sense. You know, I was
hoping that if I could just bring
the two of you together well,
love conquers all, as they say.
Except that it doesnt, does it?
Unless maybe in a brutal,
slaughtering, give-the-nativessyphillis-ridden-blankets sort of
way. Love kills. And your love
killed Jack.
PUCK attacks the PROPRIETOR.
PUCK
No!

The PROPRIETOR smacks him with a backhand and PUCK
collapses to the ground.
PROPRIETOR
Now now, dear boy. Now now.
Enter JACK and CHORUS at the back of the stage, stageright, unaware of PUCK and the PROPRIETOR. They walk
diagonally across the stage to the front of stage, stageleft
CHORUS
Jack, where are you going? Youre
just wandering round in circles.
JACK
(rounding on CHORUS)
Leave me the fuck alone. What do
you want from me?
CHORUS
What do you want, Jack?
JACK
I dont know. I just - Why the
fuck do I keep ending up back
here?
CHORUS
What are you running away from?
JACK
I dont know.
CHORUS
(shrugs)
Well, there you go.
JACK leans on the doorway.
JACK
Where is he?
PUCK
Where is he?
PROPRIETOR
Where is he? Hes lost, boy.
Dead and damned. You thought he
could lift you out of the shit and
instead you dragged him right down
into it.
PUCK clambers to his knees.

No.
PUCK
No, Jack wouldnt - he -
PROPRIETOR
You killed him, dear boy.
PUCK
It wasnt me.
PROPRIETOR
Oh, what then? Blame society?
(a mocking whine)
Nobody understands me. Nobody
loves me. But that wasnt the
problem, was it, dear boy. He
loved you. Like he loved life.
Until you went away and took all
of that love with you. You might
as well have held the knife
yourself.
(She mimes a stabbing action at stomach height)
I love you, Jack.
(another stabbing
action)
You and me, Jack.
(and another)
Fucking forever.
(and another)
Im dead, Jack.
She mimes twisting the imaginary knife and removing it
with a flourish. Across the stage, Jack doubles over
with a cry of pain, arms around his stomach, falling to
his knees.
PUCK
No!
JACK
Ah, Christ. It hurts.
it hurt.
Why does
CHORUS
Because youre dying, Jack.
Youre nearly dead. But not
quite. Thats when it hurts the
most.
PUCK
Jack wouldnt he wouldnt end up
here.

PROPRIETOR
Here? Where is here, Puck?
Nowhere? Anywhere? Everywhere?
Its all the same when youre
dead when youre dead inside. It
was good enough for you.
PUCK
Its not the same. This isnt
Jack. He doesnt belong here.
JACK
I cant leave him here. He
doesnt belong here. I tried to
tell him that but
CHORUS
But he died.
PROPRIETOR
You died. And you dragged him
right down with you into Hell.
PUCK
No.
PROPRIETOR
Oh, you can pick and choose what
kind of eternity you want, and
each of them serves their own
particular brand of poison. Call
it Nirvana, call it Valhalla, call
it Hades, call it Limbo. You can
even call it Heaven. Its still
the same old nowhere with no way
out. And it was you that brought
him here.
JACK
Why did you bring me here?
CHORUS
You asked me to, Jack.
JACK
When?
CHORUS
Back in the bar when we met. You
asked me if I knew the way out of
Hell. I told you, you cant just
walk away from Death. Funny, you
keep trying to, and this is where
you end up. Why do you think that
is, Jack?

PROPRIETOR
You couldnt just kill yourself.
You couldnt just end your own
miserable little existence. Oh,
no. You saw this beautiful
shining light in the darkness,
this burning fire of a life, Jack
Flash. And you had to snuff him
out as well.
PUCK
It wasnt my fault.
PROPRIETOR
You know what I heard him asking,
earlier on. He asked what would
happen if you cut your throat in
Hell. Can you die again when
youre already dead?
PUCK
No.
CHORUS
What if this is just a dream,
Jack, the delirium of a dying man?
If Im a figment of your
imagination, what am I trying to
tell you?
JACK
I dont know.
PROPRIETOR
I think he was serious. I mean
who wants an afterlife if its
like this?
PUCK
I dont know.
PROPRIETOR
What kind of craven wretch would
cling to an eternity like this
just because they couldnt face
oblivion?
CHORUS
Is this where Puck is in your
dreams, Jack, because this is
where you left him, where you lost
him? Or because you cant imagine
him not suffering like you?
PROPRIETOR

Is this the eternity you
him this nothing this
this shitty little scrap
futility. Why would you
this?
want for
nowhere
of utter
choose
PUCK & JACK

I dont know!
CHORUS
Why would you let your own selfpity crush his memory, torture it,
pervert it with your pain?
PROPRIETOR
Why would you let your cowardice
hold you here where hell pay the
price for trying to save you?
CHORUS & PROPRIETOR
Why would you damn him to suffer
this with you?
JACK & PUNK
Leave me alone!
CHORUS & PROPRIETOR
Why would you choose this Hell?!
JACK & PUCK
Because I cant just let him go!
Pause.
As the music begins, both CHORUS and the PROPRIETOR pace
round their respective charges.
SONG: THE BATTLE OF JACKS LOVE
PROPRIETOR
This town is a very shit town
Its a nowhere place, with no
escape from hate
Too little, too late.
If you're pure, oh sure, it's
great, but are you straight?
Then here's your fate
She drags PUCK to his feet.
This nowhere town
Your here and now.

As she throws him down again, CHORUS drops to his knees
beside JACK.
CHORUS
It's a nowhere place, a waste of
time and space
A fear to face.
In the end, my friend, we all
descend into the ground
You have to face this down
PROPRIETOR
Drown your sorrows
Till tomorrow
She kicks him onto his back, puts a foot on his chest,
leans over him.
It'll find your weakness, grind
your spirit down
Until you're bound
In a world of shit
You say you're sick of it
Then crawl and drown
PUCK pushes her off, scrambles up to his feet and away
from the PROPRIETOR. The FATES enter behind him,
preventing him from backing off-stage.
Feel the hatred
CHORUS
Feel the grief
PROPRIETOR
Celebrate it.
CHORUS
Be released
JACK
No!
The PROPRIETOR beckons PUCK toward her and the FATES
begin moving forward as they start to sing, forcing PUCK
forward with them.
FATES
This nowhere town.

This nowhere town.
CHORUS crosses to PUCKs side of the stage, but stands on
the dais. PUCK and the PROPRIETOR show no awareness of
him as he directs his song at PUCK.
CHORUS
I am but a fool, a clown, a
harlequin
In rags of skin
But this clown is a very sad clown
Like a Pierrot with tears that
flow like wine
For Columbine
PUCK
Alienated
CHORUS
Full of blame
PUCK
Always hated
CHORUS
Full of shame
PUCK
Isolated
PROPRIETOR
Make a stand
PUCK
Incubated
PROPRIETOR
Take my hand!
The PROPRIETOR reaches out her hand but when PUCK reaches
out to take it she slaps the knife into his grip. Across
the stage, JACK slowly rises to his feet, beginning his
repeated song line.
JACK
This town, this town, this town
PUCK holds the knife out, looking at it. Slowly, turning
to face the audience, he places the edge of the blade
against a wrist. As JACK continues singing, PUCK joins
with his own song line:

PUCK
Is a very shit town, is a very
shit town
As JACK and PUCK continue, their voices are joined by the
PROPRIETORs.
PROPRIETOR
This town is a nowhere town
CHORUS is the next to join in.
CHORUS
This town is a very shit town,
this godforsaken nowhere town.
Finally, they are joined by the FATES.
FATES
This nowhere town, this nowhere
town
The characters all continue singing but one by one, they
switch their refrains, starting with CHORUS, then JACK,
then PUCK - who lets the hand with the knife fall to his
side as he changes his refrain -- and finally the
PROPRIETOR:
JACK
This nowhere town
PUCK
Its a very shit town this nowhere
town.
CHORUS
This nowhere town
This godforsaken nowhere town
PROPRIETOR
This nowhere town, this nowhere
town, this nowhere town
Suddenly the singing of the others stops dead as PUCK
steps forward, turning, as if drawn to CHORUS, a look of
realisation on his face, or of peace.
PUCK & CHORUS
It's a nowhere place, a waste of
time and space
A fear to face.

PUCK turns to face the PROPRIETOR.
PUCK
The music cuts suddenly and PUCK sings the next line
softly, with total serenity, direct to the PROPRIETOR,
pointing the knife at her.
PUCK
But I have a choice, a voice, and
if I call
(dropping the knife)
The walls will fall.
He looks at the PROPRIETOR, shakes his head and turns,
starts walking away.
PROPRIETOR
No! Come back here! Come back!
Youre nothing without me! You
think you canNo!
PUCK
Youre nothing without me.
She stalks after him. CHORUS strolls to where the knife

is lying, picks it up. He approaches the PROPRIETOR from
behind.
PROPRIETOR
(furious, shrill)
Come back here, you miserable
little bitch faggot! You
snivelling little shit of a
dancing monkey! You -- aaaah!
As her shout degenerates into a worldless shriek of rage,
she whirls to find CHORUS right beside her. He pulls her
into an embrace, driving the knife into her stomach.
CHORUS
(quietly)
Even gods and demons die without
belief, their servants with them.
He holds her in his arms as she crumples.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
And we both know I should have
done this a long time ago, sister.
He lowers her to the ground gently, both still clutching
each other.

CHORUS (CONTINUED)
We just never could let each other
go, could we?
Blackout
SCENE 5: THE STREETS OF NOWHERE

Lights come up on PUCK and JACK at either side of the
stage, and on the FATES, who stand up on the dais. The
piano refrain of Nowhere Town begins, slow at first,
but speeding up.
SONG: LOVE LOST AND FOUND
FATES
This nowhere town
This nowhere town
This nowhere town
JACK
Caught in this underworld,
Angels, your wings unfurl.
Show me the way from this place
PUCK
This nowhere town
JACK
Listen and hear my song
Just want to say so long
Just one last look at his face
PUCK
This nowhere town
JACK
If Hell has a heart at all
Answer my cry, my call
Give me a sight or a sound.
We all are dust
But if I must
I'm gonna turn this nowhere town
upside-down
PUCK
Another life, another death
JACK
This nowhere town
PUCK
Another pointless loss, another
stolen breath
So I got caught here in this dive
JACK
In this endless dive

PUCK
But I'm a junky for the sound and
the music's still alive
Enter the rest of the REGULARS, all walking onto the
platform in darkness, to join the FATES in harmonising
with the chorus.
REGULARS
Nowhere town
JACK
When youve lost your heart
And there are demons all around
REGULARS
Nowhere town
JACK
Without a map or chart,
But when the fires start
They're gonna burn, burn, burn
until Ive found PUCK
I'm a junky for the sound and the
music's still alive
JACK
- my junky for the sound
PUCK
Caught in the Hell I made
Lost in the masquerade
Seems I can still hear his voice
JACK
This nowhere town
PUCK
Echoing my refrain
Echoing all my pain
Echoes that weep and rejoice
JACK
This nowhere town
PUCK
But I walk these streets alone
Singing to silent stone
Orpheus without his lyre
The road is long
JACK
But with this song

PUCK
Were gonna set this nowhere town
on fire
As JACK sings the REGULARS begin to file down from the
dais. JACK & PUCK move among them, turning each to face
front, checking if they might be JACK. Each REGULAR they
do this to joins in with the harmony and moves to the
centre of the stage, lit up by spotlights.
JACK
Another spark, another light,
PUCK & REGULAR
This nowhere town
JACK
Another flame snuffed out and lost
in endless night
PUCK & REGULAR
This nowhere town
PUCK
But there is something shining
bright and gold
JACK & REGULAR
This nowhere town
PUCK
Cause I'm a junky for the sound
and the music's in my soul
ALL
Nowhere town
JACK & PUCK
When you've lost your heart
And there is darkness all around
ALL
Nowhere town
Spotlight comes up on CHORUS entering at the back and
stage-left, behind JACK, coming in on town.
CHORUS
Death, alone of all the gods
Requires no persuasion
No gifts, no invitations
REGULARS
This nowhere town

CHORUS
But Death, alone of all the gods,
Comes into all our lives;
No matter how you strive
You'll never beat the odds
JACK & PUCK
Nowhere town
When you've lost your heart
All you can follow is the sound
Nowhere town
CHORUS moves up onto the dais.
CHORUS
Death, who levels every thing,
His love for us is endless
But always He is friendless
REGULARS
This nowhere town
CHORUS
And Death, who levels every thing
Can understand your pain
This echoing refrain
The sorrow that you sing
The remaining REGULARS move slowly to centre-stage,
forming a barrier between JACK and PUCK. CHORUS moves to
the corner of the dais.
REGULARS
This nowhere town
PUCK
Another cry, another sound
JACK & REGULARS
This nowhere town
PUCK
Another step in hope that what was
lost might yet be found
I don't know what is you and what
is me
JACK
what is me and what is you
PUCK
that sound can set me free
JACK

that sound is all thats real and
true
CHORUS
And Death, the loneliest of all,
Is Loves forgotten lover;
In Death is Love discovered.
And Death, the loneliest of all,
Together with his Love
The raven and the dove
Will shatter every wall.
The REGULARS scatter to the back of the stage.
CHORUS (CONTINUED)
Love conquers all!
JACK and PUCK, at opposite edges of the front of the
stage, see each other, run towards each other and
embrace.
JACK
Cause Im a junky for the sound
and the music carries on!
REGULARS
This nowhere town
PUCK
And Im a junky for the sound and
Ive found what once was gone
REGULARS
This nowhere town
CHORUS
Death, the happy ever after
The bitter laughter
REGULARS
This nowhere town
PUCK & JACK
In a nowhere place
down
ALL
Nowhere town
CHORUS
If you can face
That dark embrace
You can return. Turn!
Go!

Exit all the REGULARS except for the FATES, who move all
the way to the back of the platform.
Lights down to a single spot on JACK and PUCK, hand in
hand, as JACK walks backwards, leading PUCK stage-left.
Just as they reach the edge of the stage, PUCK turns to
look back. JACK stops him with a hand on his cheek.
JACK
Cause Im a junky for the sound
FATES
So long
PUCK
In a nowhere town
FATES
So long
JACK & PUCK
Where love was lost and found
FATES
So long, nowhere town
JACK turns to leave. This time it is PUCK that stops
JACK. He shakes his head.
PUCK
I cant go with you.
cant stay.
JACK
Then Ill go with you.
can stay with me.
And you
And you
PUCK
Fucking forever, Jack. But not
here. Here.
(he puts his hand on
Jacks heart)
And here.
(a finger on Jacks
lips)
In this.
PUCK kisses him.
JACK steps back out of the kiss and out of the spotlight,
but still holding PUCKs hands, arms outstretched.
JACK
So long.

CHORUS steps into the spotlight, puts his arm around
PUCKs shoulder.
PUCK
So long.
JACK disappears into the shadows.
CHORUS
Abandon hope, all ye who enter
here
Then leave this place, abandoning
your fear
The stage goes dark.
SCENE 6: BACK IN REALITY

The stage remains in darkness as we hear the voices of
JOEY, GUY and JACK.
JOEY
Aye, run ya bastard!
Run!
GUY
Jack. Are you ?
JACK
Oh, fucking hell.
Fucking hell.
GUY
Just stay there. Stay there for a
bit. Dont try to get up. Joey!
Joey!
JACK
Aw, fucking hell. Man down.
(he laughs, coughs)
Officer, we need assistance. We
have a man down Guy! I think I
may be in trouble here.
The lights come up. We see JACK slumped at the platform,
the stage set up as in Act One. GUY runs on, kneels at
JACKs side.
GUY
Jack?
(he finds the knife)
Oh, shit. Jack!
The lights go down and back up, with Joey onstage at
Guys side.
Jack!
GUY
Stay with us, Jack.
JOEY
Aw, fuck, Guy. Fuck!
stop the bleeding.
I cant
Lights go down and back up. GUY is on a mobile phone.

JOEY is down on the ground, JACK in his arms, a hand
pressed down over the wound.
GUY
We need an ambulance.
JOEY

Come on, Jack. Wake the fuck up,
you fucking bastard, or I swear to
God, Ill fucking kill you myself.
GUY
(frantic)
I dont know. I dont know.
(to JOEY)
What street are we on? What
street is this? Theres no bloody
street-signs. Were outside the Christ, whats the bloody thing
called?
Lights go down and back up.
GUY
A stabbing. I cant see.
a lot of blood.
Theres
Lights go down.
JOEY
Dont you fucking die on me, Jack!
Dont you fucking dare.
SCENE 7: A HOSPITAL
Lights come up. The door stands centre-stage, facing
outwards, separating the back of stage -- as a hospital
waiting room where GUY and JOEY sit at a table, stageleft --from the front of stage -- as JACKs hospital
room, where he stands stage-right.
CHORUS, in a doctors white coat, steps through the
doorway as if exiting JACKs room. He approaches GUY and
JOEY.
CHORUS
Hell be fine. If you hadnt been
there, it would have been another
story, right enough. I hope he
knows how lucky he is.
JOEY
Hell mend the fucker. He better
bloody know.
(beat)
But hes going to be okay, yeah?
CHORUS
I dare say hell be performing
again in no time.
JACK walks forward, facing the audience.
SONG: A BEAUTIFUL DREAM
JACK
I had a dream
I dreamed that my heart was a
ghost
And the devil my host
I had a dream
Such a beautiful dream
(pause)
I must have been dead
Cause I knew knew that I was in
hell
I went there under the spell
Of this beautiful boy
This most beautiful boy
(pause)
I had a dream
I dreamed of a love that I lost
Dreamed of a song I once found
That had the most beautiful sound

I had a dream
Of a true love that I left behind
Dreamed I went down there to find
I had a dream
The most beautiful dream
JACK walks back to the centre of the stage.
CHORUS
Anyway, you can go in and see him
if you want.
Exit CHORUS. GUY and JOEY walk to the doorway.
enter.
They
GUY
Jack, what are you doing up?
JOEY
Fucks sake, man, you should be in
bed.
JACK walks to the door, pops his head through to check
the coast is clear then brings out a cigarette, lights
it.
JACK
Fuck that shit.
Curtain / Blackout
EPILOGUE: A GIG
Enter CHORUS, in front of the closed curtain / dark
stage.
CHORUS
What happy endings can there be in
such a tale as this?
To break the heart of Death, to
steal a kiss?
Love conquers all? If only that
were true.
All we can hope for is a dream, a
last adieu.
And so well end this tale so sad
before it drags too long
Unless of course you were to ask
for one more song.
REGULARS
(offstage)
One more song one more song one
more song
Lights come up. JACK and the band are onstage, as at the
start of Act One, with the REGULARS as a gig audience,
the actor that plays the BARMAN as a BOUNCER, between
them and the dais. The FATES are onstage with them as
the brass section appropriate to the ska-influenced
closing number. GUY and FAY stand together in front of
the dais, as if in the wings.
SONG: BEST DAYS OF MY DEATH
JACK
When I was younger, so much
younger than today,
I needed help, and I mean in a
psychiatric way.
I bounced around the padded cell
that was inside my head.
But then I found the cure for
everything is being fucking dead.
So I took myself inside and had a
suicide of mind.
Ripped out every little scrap of
life and soul that I could find.
I killed my hope when I lost my
heart.
But one poor boys end is someone
elses start.
Live fast, die young, I said.

And my last word on my last breath
is:
These are the best days of my
death.
death.
(pause)
When I was twenty-one, it wasnt
fun to be a schizo fag.
In a disco scene of beauty queens
is really not my bag.
Hated everything I was and I just
wanted it to end.
Then a little voice inside my head
said Death can be your friend.
(pause)
So I sold my soul for scrap and
threw a party on its grave.
Now I dont need to take the crap,
cause I was lost and now Im
saved.
If lifes a bitch, just put that
bitch to sleep.
Dont take their pitch, just take
a fucking leap.
is:
death.
death.
(pause)
And now Im thirty years of age
and all the cages I once made
Lie in the ruins of my rage, and
in a past I blew away.
These are the days I thought Id
never see.
But now Ive found that death can
make you free.
is:
death.
death.
(pause)
So kill all your dreams.
Kill all your lies.
Kill all your hopes
And youll soon realise
If theres nothing to live for
Theres nothing to lose.

Theres nothing to hold you but
you.
(pause)
death.
death.
JACK starts bouncing around the stage, jubilant,
celebratory.
Enter the same actor that plays PUCK, but in a different
costume, as a crowd-surfer. As the BOUNCER is about to
hustle him off, JACK beckons him up onto the stage. The
two start dancing to the outro -- the last line repeated.
Enter CHORUS, as a crowd-surfer. He dances his way up
onto the platform to join JACK and PUCK.
The REGULARS i.e. the rest of the cast break past the
BOUNCER and we end with everybody up on the platform.
Cast members give their bows.
Final curtain

Nowhere Town Libretto

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Nowhere Town Libretto

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NOWHERE TOWN

a punk rock singer bent on self-destruction

a drunk, Jack's guide through the underworld

Jack's lost love, a gay punk in suburban hell

owner of the Hellhole

owner of the record shop, Puck's almost-friend

guitarist in Fagsmoke, Jacks childhood friend

long-suffering manager of Jack's band, Fagsmoke

BARMAN/BOUNCER staff member at various establishments featured

three female regulars

customers at various establishments featured

small town dicks, pricks and fucking hicks

A ballroom gig venue, Wherever City

Backstage & outside the gig venue

A seedy dive on the road to Hell

A record shop in Nowhere Town

The streets outside the record shop

The seedy dive of Scene 3

The streets of the underworld

Inside an infernal night-club

The streets of the underworld

Outside and inside an hospital room

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 1

The overture plays with curtains

Staging 2: The overture begins with the curtains open on

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 2

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 3

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 4

A rock gig. A dais -- a stage upon the stage -- fills

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 5

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 6

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 7

Lights come up on the REGULARS and they slowly exit

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 8

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 9

Staging as before. Enter JACK and JOEY, front-right, in a

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 10

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 11

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 12

Who do you think

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 13

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 14

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 15

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 16

SCENE 3: THE NO EXIT LOUNGE AND BAR

Its not time

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 17

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 18

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 19

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 20

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 21

(JACK looks confused again.)

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 22

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 23

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 24

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 25

SCENE 4: THE RECORD SHOP

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 26

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 27

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 28

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 29

(He digs into his pockets, brings out a handful of coins,

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 30

Hal Duncan / Nowhere Town / 31