DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS The Work Conversations We Dread the Most, According to Research by Kerry Jones APRIL TI, 2016 The next time you head into a conversation you're dreading, rest assured that the other party is probably equally uncomfortable. Better yet, your counterpart may even go out of his or her way to make you feel at ease. The Work Conversations We Dread the Most, According to ResearchThese findings come from a recent survey conducted by Fractl in which we asked nearly 1,100 people about difficult conversations at work. Approaching tough conversations with a combative mentality, where one person wins and one loses, is a common mistake that often results in neither party feeling satisfied. Yet our study found that most people actually plan on being agreeable and considerate when walking into a difficult conversation — nearly 66% of respondents told us that they’re likely to go out of their way to make the other person feel comfortable. The same number said that they’re likely to concede that they played a role in creating an uncomfortable situation, while 81% will acknowledge that there are multiple perspectives. More than 75% of respondents said that they’re likely to be direct and concise. That’s all good news for someone who’s about to have a difficult conversation; you can rest assured that most people are starting from a collaborative mindset.Most People Prepare for a Tough Conversation ‘And they set out to be collaborative. QUESTION: How likely are you to do the following when handling a difficult conversation? Very unlikely Somewhat unlikely "Neither likely nor unlikely Somewhat likely Very likely Prepare for the conversation ‘Acknowledge that there are multiple ways to view the situation Go out of your way to make the other person feel comfortable Be direct and concise = ‘concede that you played arole in creating the challenging situation Warn the other person about the conversation 20 40 60 80 100% PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS ° As you can see, taking a combative approach and assuming the other person is “out to get you’ is probably misguided. What’s more, your counterpart is probably just as nervous as you are. Which conversations really make people squirm? Negotiating a raise was the most distressing: 58% of respondents feel uncomfortable having this discussion. We found people feel most comfortable apologizing for a mistake or discussing a lack of clear direction.People Are Most Uncomfortable Asking for a Raise QUESTION: How comfortable do you feel having conversations about the following? Very comfortable Somewhat comfortable Negotiating a raise Neutral Somewhat uncomfortable Very uncomfortable Handling a difficult personality Lack of accountability (you) Lack of accountability (other person) Apologizing for a mistake Lack of clear direction ° 20 40 60 80 100% PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS SOURCE FRACTL ‘Women reported more discomfort around negotiating a raise than men did, with more than 66% of female respondents feeling very or somewhat uncomfortable. Just over half of men shared that sentiment.‘Women Are More Uncomfortable Negotiating a Raise QUESTION: How comfortable do you feel having conversations about a raise negotiation? Very uncomfortable ‘Somewhat uncomfortable Men Neutral ‘Somewhat comfortable Very comfortable Women rm ° 20 40 60 80 100% PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS Managers should take particular note of the data showing that even if you walk out ofa challenging discussion feeling good about the outcome, your employee may not share your outlook. Our respondents were significantly more likely to feel satisfied with the outcome of a difficult conversation when they were the higher-ranking employee. More than 75% felt satisfied with the outcome of a conversation with a direct report, compared to 46% feeling somewhat or completely satisfied with the results of a discussion with a supervisor.People Are Least Satisfied with a Difficult Conversation When It’s with a Superior (QUESTION: How satisfied were you with the outcome when talking toa... Completely dissatisfied ‘Somewhat dissatisfied Neutral ‘Somewhat satisfied Completely satisfied Supervisor tient —— ~~ — Direct report = ° 20 40 60 80 100% PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS So how can you have more productive conversations that end with both parties feeling satisfied? A majority of people (85%) told us they are likely to prepare for a tough conversation. This is a step in the right direction, but how you prepare is important. Be sure to: Determine what you want to get out the conversation, but “don’t go in planning to ‘win’ the conversation,” says employee relations consultant Fran Sepler. “If you want a raise, for instance, you may need to start with other goals, such as having your work fully appreciated, having input into your compensation, and making sure you're being paid equitably?” YOU AND YOUR TEAM SERIES Do your homework on your worth. Knowing Difficult Conversations how valuable and marketable you are will give you more confidence to ask fora raiseand alleviate fears around negotiations. Make a strong case for your pay increase by coming to the table armed with a list of your . contributions to the company and salary * survey data on comparable roles. . Treat the conversation as two people Don’t Let Frustration Make You Say the Wrong Thing working together to solve a problem. by Tara Healey and Jonathan Roberts Executive coach Kristi Daniels recommends How to Handle Difficult Conversations at —_ysing this simple framework, from the book by Rebecca Knight Powerful Conversations, which gives both Create a Culture Where Difficult sides ownership over the conversation and Conversations Aren’t So Hard by Jim Whitehurst outcome: + What's Up: Tell your side of the situation and ask the other person how they see it. + What’s So: Get to the facts, and remove any emotional charge from the conversation. Discuss the impact on each of you, the team, and the larger organization. Ask the other person what they think. + What’s Possible: Discuss possible solutions or alternatives, and ask the other person for the same. + Let’s Go: Commit on both sides to taking action with accountability included. Notice how each step of this framework includes input from the other person, which will ensure that both parties feel heard and understood. This applies to your pre-conversation preparation too, when you should look beyond your own perspective and think about how the other person views the issue. You'll have greater success by showing that you’ve considered several perspectives. During the conversation, pause your own agenda to really listen to the other person’s side. Karen Hough, CEO of ImprovEdge, says, “When we're nervous or scared, we rush to tell, fix, or manage.” Aim to diffuse the emotional charge, hear the other person, and come outwith a solution, According to Hough, “It’s amazing how often a quick reset on the approach totally changes the way a person deals with their boss and creates incredible outcomes — raises, promotions, and strong relationships.” Kerry JONES is the inbound Marketing Manager at Fractl, where she specializes in content marketing featuring their proprietary research, This article is about DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS @ rottow tis toric Related Topics: CONFLICT | COLLABORATION % Loading...