Lynn Carey

Senior Overview
Summer 2016
Dealing With Difficult People

Why is This Needed? : Dealing With Difficult People

According to Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator Type, there are 16 different
personalities. This means that there are (at least) 16 different ways in which people communicate
and relate with others. Each personality type is broken down with whom they communicate well
with and which personality types they have to put more effort into being relatable to. It is easy to
communicate with someone who shares a similar personality and communication style with you.
Communicating with someone who doesnt has proven to be quite difficult.
Difficult people are simple people, who we do not understand, yet. Anyone can be a
difficult person. A person is no longer considered difficult if you know how to relate to them. If
we are honest, we have all been a difficult person. Recognizing this deficiency in our self, helps
us recognize it in others. This starts with self-awareness. If we have a negative self-image, it is
likely that our people skills need some serious readjusting. Becoming self-aware is always an
intentional task. The more we know about ourselves, how we communicate and how we relate to
others, the better equipped we will be when it is time to handle difficult people, and situations.

The workplace culture is evolving to accommodate 4 generations. The workplace now

has a variety of age groups working together to preserve the traditions while moving the business
forward. This can cause major confusion and friction amongst employees. Informing employees
of the companies values on diversity, helps to alleviate some of the conflict. Workshops and
courses on self-awareness also play a huge part in providing employees tools on how to manage
stress and working with a team.
A workplace survey was done by Delotte in 2014, the results were shocking. 87% of
people do not like their job. Imagine working with someone 40 or more hours a week and they
are doing something that they despise. Over time, that creates a hostile environment and
resentment towards other who might be the opposite. It can also cause the individual to develop
traits described a difficult personality. I found it interesting that in 25% of people, their job is the
top stressor in their life. This could be for a number of reasons. Money is the leading cause of
divorce. It is easy to see how stressing about your source of income can take priority.
Many people are unaware of their triggers when coming face to face with a difficult
person. The same triggers that a trauma patient describes, mirror those of people who have had
an encounter with a difficult person (or situation.) Not identifying your triggers can deem you a
difficult person as well. Most difficult beings do not comprehend they are being difficult.
Evading problematic individuals does not solve the matter, difficult people are everywhere. We
do not fully know what situations people have dealt with or encountered before they enter into
the workplace. While employers encourage personal matters not interfere with work, it is nearly
impossible to continue that practice for all 8 hours of the work day. Some common triggers (or
problems) that interfere with an individuals focus and focus at work are:

Fatigue Doctors recommend 8 hours of sleep per night. Imagine have a

newborn or even a sick baby. Try picturing have multiple projects due for
graduate school and you have to work through the night, in order to
complete them. 24 hours in a day simply isnt enough for a good nights
rest when you are working towards a degree or when you have a new
edition to the family. Fatigue often fuels frustration and confusion and can

even make a person ill (if the problem persists.)

Divorce and family issues These are problems that are not easily
forgotten. Divorce takes months and it can even cause more stress if the
negotiations are not satisfactory to either party. It is not likely that people
will inform you of what is happening in their personal life, unless they feel
comfortable sharing this information with you. Keep in mind, we know

very little about what happens in the personal lives of others.

Death Coming to work after losing someone close to you is difficult. If
you are lucky, your employer offers the 2 to 3 day bereavement leave.
Adjusting to life after a piece is missing and never to return, can cause
people to withdraw or to become passive as their way of coping with the

grief.
Money problems The leading cause of divorce and foreclosure. 41% of
Americans work full time and are living paycheck to paycheck. Bills seem
like they never go away. Having a multiple people depend on you to
provide food and shelter for them, creates high pressure when you are one
paycheck away from being homeless. It is not always obvious when
people are having financial problems. If you discover a person had money
problems, shower them with empathy.

Health Something that weve all taken for granted at least once, is our
health. Being in good health helps boost a positive self-image. It is easy to
tell when some is going through Chemotherapy or if someone has the flu.
The side effects of these medications can cause changes in the persons
mood. Also, the person could be under the influence of alcohol or other
drugs. This is sometimes difficult to pinpoint, but should be taken into

consideration as a reason for the struggle with communication.

Bad Review In a culture where you are expected to do more with less,
getting anything less than a spectacular review from your boss can cause
great animosity. Working over 40 hours a week trying to get a promotion
or even just simple recognition, only to find out that your hard work was
in vain, is described as an open wound. In todays developing workplace
culture, recognition is needed to maintain employee satisfaction and

employee retention.
Media The media has had one agenda since the beginning and it was to
instill fear into the viewers. This fear is what drives the economy.
Recently, mass shootings across the country consume more than 50% of
television time. Shootings at churches, daycares, malls, schools and at
work, create a fear that you are not safe and you cannot trust anyone,
anywhere or anytime. This spills over into the workplace culture making it
plausible to avoid difficult people, in an effort to avoid workplace violence
incident. The threat of violence is real, the illusion that it is occurring daily
is a ploy of the media to keep fear in the hearts of many. If fear can be the
decision maker, then money will be spent on unnecessary measures. The

mindset that you should avoid difficult people at the workplace, is a sub
product of the medias agenda. Each person is encouraged to take a media
literacy course, this will ensure that the impact of the media is limited on
your lifestyle.
These are just a few reasons how life problems can create a difficult person.
Because we do not always know what the underline cause of a person being difficult is. It
is imperative that we learn the difference between sympathy and empathy. The is concept to learn
is seeing the world through the difficult persons perspective. You probably frustrate numerous
people, because everybody is somebodys challenging person at least some of the time. Empathy
is letting the person know Im here with you. While sympathy is, I feel sorry for you, but Im
not going there. The difference is subtle, yet noticeably different. Empathy encourages being
relatable and understanding with the person. Sympathy simply explains you are aware of the
problem but you will not be a part of the solution. The world needs more empathy, more
connection and more relatability from people who want the skills on how to start rebuild
Providing employees with the tools on how to handle problematic individuals, enhances
communication skills and develops teams that can work effectively together. This workshop is
also beneficial for people who work in customer service. Once the person identifies what
difficult personality they are dealing with, they can put into practice the concepts they have
learned. This workshop covers 7 types of difficult people found in the workplace. It provides
details on how to recognize them, their goal and how you should handle interactions with the
personality.

Starting with self -awareness is the foundation to know our strengths and weaknesses.
Knowing oneself will directly impact how we interact with internal and external customers. At
one time or another, weve all been a difficult person. Upon seeing the traits of the most common
difficult personalities, an individual usually recognizes themselves in one or more of the
descriptions. This too allows the person to become self- aware, and adjust their behaviors
towards others.
It is important to know that not all difficult people are intentionally offensive or
malicious. Usually it is a reason or a cause for the behavior. People usually have one of four
communication styles when collaborating on a project. Getting it right, getting it done, get
appreciated and get along. The pressures of life are common, knowing how to handle when
peoples behavior change under pressure is the key to being resilient. Be willing to be patient
while gathering facts about possible causes for the persons behavior. Put into practice the
following principle: Do not take it personal.
Understanding your strengths and weaknesses in communication and interactions with
people, is the solution on how to be durable when encountering a difficult person. Begin with
self-awareness. Next, focus on possible reasons that a person would be deemed problematic.
Practice empathy. Attempt to spend a few moments looking at the situation through their lense.
Listen to their rationalization. Determine their goal. Aid the person in achieving the desired goal.
Lastly, approach them about their behavior and how it is being perceived by others.
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