McGoff 1

Jessica McGoff
English 115
Professor Lawson
26 September 2016
Identity essay: Final Draft
Word Count:1374
Musical Evaluation
I dont remember what I was wearing. What I was wearing didnt matter, not at the time
anyways. It never occurred to me to remember how I looked. If my hair was up or down, if I
wore a dress or shirt and pants. The only thing that is still so vivid is that thought. This thought
that has brought me to some of the most important moments in my life. My thought came to me
in the back of my mothers car. It was late and she was picking my sister and I up from
preschool. Avril Levine was playing on the radio. I remember listening to the song and thinking
how pretty it was and how amazing it sounds. And then I thought to myself I want to be a singer
too as a young girl this is a normal thought to have. For most kids their dreams change as they
grow older. They can change from an actress to an accountant, to a doctor. Something that seems
more reasonable and easily done by many. As I got older it only made my decision more concrete
and something that I truly wanted to do.
My sisters are both older than me, Athena is 2 years older and Savannah is only 6
minutes older than me. Yes, I am a twin but we could not be more different as I dreamed of
becoming a singer she dreamed of other things for herself. Our mother would ask us a question
every few years and it was always the same question. She would always ask us what do you want
to be when you grow up? Athena would either say a vet or teacher. Savannah said I dont know

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or she would say a lawyer. She would ask me the same question and I always gave her the same
answer I want to be a singer. One year when I was about 12 she asked us again and I told her
the same thing I always do. She then asked me what my back up plan was. To me this was a
strange question because she never said that to my other sisters. I thought for a moment and said
I dont have one and she asked me why not. I told her that I cant see myself doing anything
else. I am going to become a singer; it is going to happen no matter what. This left me
questioning my own dream.
The next school year I joined choir just to see if I can even sing. I found that I
could in fact sing. I sounded different than everyone else and I learned I could do opera with my
newly found voice. During my first performance I struggled to find my courage. Everyone was
staring at me. They looked unamused and looked as if I was already failing. I looked at my mom
and found only hope and love in her eyes as I sang. She never looked anything but proud as I
sang and it gave me all the courage I needed to sing my best. My mother became my rock for
whenever I sang I would look at her. Even now I think of her and I can always find my courage.
Over every summer I would join a prestigious choir, one that you can only be
asked to join if you were an adult. I was in the youth choir, which meant I was held to a much
higher standard than what I was used to. I am not going to say I am a singing prodigy so it was
easy because that would be total BS. It was hard, I was about 15 and they had us doing college
level music. This was scary for me because it just showed how much I fundamentally did not
know. There were special words and meanings that made me feel stupid and to top it off they
were all in different languages. The kids that were there with me knew most of the meanings and
they had no problem picking up the African songs or the German saying it was easy. I felt so
excited and intimidated; to be honest I thought about walking away because of how hard it was. I

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could have walked away and I could be doing something very different with my life. I stuck with
it and I had the best time of my life. We sang some songs from what is now one of my favorite
operas. The songs were from Carmen, it was fast and in French but oh so beautiful. The first
night of the festival we sang a song in German then later at the end we sang Carmen. I felt so
much adrenaline going through me I felt like I could fly. When that high note came and the
conductor pointed up, I did not just hit the note I went past my note and went to the adults note.
In that moment I felt like I was flying and nothing could bring me down. At the end of the piece
we bowed and were applauded. It felt as if everything had slowed down and I could not stop
smiling, I was so happy and I knew I wanted more. I think about this moment all the time. From
what my mother tells me when I hit that note everyone leaned back in their seats as if they had
just been hit with a huge gust of air. She also said all their hair flipped back like it was a toupee. I
of course felt embarrassed but thrilled that I a 15-year-old girl who is shy with her voice could
make that happen. The next year they mentioned the fact that someone went too high. They said
it was pretty but try not to get too overzealous this time. My friend who was sitting next to me
said wasnt that you?, I shushed her
Doing all those songs over the summer made me realize how easy high school choir
really was. Just to give myself more of a challenge I joined the jazz choir as well, it didnt do
much. Singing in high school helped me gain confidence in myself and my voice. The more
confidence I got the louder I ended up getting. I found that I have a vibrato; at first I thought
everyone could do it. My teacher told me otherwise and it made me feel special. By the end of
high school, I joined the school musical and I fell in love. It was amazing and different than what
I was used to more of a challenge than ever before.

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Coming here to Northridge has been nothing but challenging for me so far. Moving made
me feel terrified but I knew that if I really wanted to be a singer. Then this is the best thing for
me. To be in a place that can support me and to make my dreams a reality. In high school they
didnt offer me musicianship or theory classes. So when I came here I found that I am terribly
under equipped in most of my classes. I feel like I need to work harder than the other people
because I have never taken those kinds of classes before. I just really want to understand and to
excel in them to the best of my abilities.
Music can take on so many emotions and you say so much without even speaking the
words that you mean. I dont want to be a singer because I could become famous. I could care
less about being famous, for me music is something I love and it makes me extremely happy.
Both my parents have been nothing but supportive and I am grateful to them for that. They have
always told me that if you do what you love you will never work a day in your life. That has
been my goal to do something I love. Well I love singing and music and even acting. They all
make me happy and I know that I will be a singer one day. I know it wont be easy for me but I
am determined.