Simpson 1

Dakota Simpson
Dr. Oost
ENG 401
29 November 2016

What Roethke Couldnt Say: Nonverbal Communication and the Complexity of Theodore
Roethkes My Papas Waltz

In 1942, Theodore Roethke wrote a poem entitled My Papas Waltz. The poem itself is
a sixteen-line poem consisting of four quatrains, a fun ABAB rhyme scheme, and imperfect
iambic trimeter as a boy remembers a dance around the kitchen with his father. It seems, at first,
like a simple poem, and first time readers may mistake it for one. Beneath a surface-level
reading, however, the poem is much more than a random memory. The poem has become a work
of contention and a source of controversy since its publication, because the poems meaning and
tone has proved difficult to pinpoint. Some scholars, like Peter Balakian in his book, Theodore
Roethkes Far Fields: The Evolution of his Poetry, see the dance (and the poem itself) as a
comic romp (62) in which the music and heavy footfalls can almost be heard by the reader.
According to John McKennas essay titled, Roethkes Revisions and the Tone of My Papas
Waltz, other scholars see the poem as a poem of terror (34). The two tones, fear and love,
have been argued so much since the poems publication, but more recently, scholars and critics
believe that the poem must be read with a clever balance of the two (Fong 79), as the poems
tone comes from dual vectors of feeling, that is, both [light-hearted and grim] (McKenna 34).
This dualistic idea seems to have become the most common way to read the poem, as it makes

Simpson 2
the most sense. The poems complexity is symbolic of Roethkes relationship with his father,
which we know is one of an odd and ambivalent closeness (Balakian 62). The poem is
precisely as complicated as it is because the speakers relationship with his father is its symbolic
equal and model. To better understand the poem and its complexity, though, we as readers need
to pay attention to what Roethke is not saying, and more attention to how hes doing it.
Theodore Roethke wrote about his childhood and his father all the time so much that
one of the most widely-educated and important men in the communication field (if not all of
academia), Kenneth Burke, studied him and wrote an essay titled, The Vegetal Radicalism of
Theodore Roethke in 1950 and largely kick-started the biographical and psychological
approaches to reading and critiquing Roethkes work. Burkes essay is an analysis of the
preconscious, the infantile, the regressive, [and] the sexual in the poems, mainly involving his
father (85). Roethkes number of poems involving his father suggest that he has a preoccupation
with memories of the man. Many scholars believe that Roethkes own father, Otto, is the
inspiration for the father figure not only in My Papas Waltz, but also in many of his other
poems centering around a father figure who is complex. Brendan Galvin, author of an essay
titled, Kenneth Burke and Theodore Roethkes Lost Son Poems, believes that Otto
Roethkeis a figure of terror to his young son (103), and Karl Malkoff agrees, adding that Otto
was a source of both admiration and fear, of comfort and restriction (3). In their collaborative
essay, Comparison of Ego Defenses Among Physically Abused Children, Neglected, and Nonmaltreated Children, authors Finzi, Har-Even, and Weizman state that emotional, cognitive,
behavioral, and social disorders persist into adolescence and adulthood (388), and that abuse
interferes with the maturation of ego functions, [of] defense mechanisms, and impulse
regulation and impairs the development of healthy interpersonal relationships (388). While

Simpson 3
readers cannot know with certainty that Roethke himself was physically abused, it is known that
Otto Roethke was a laborer and a relatively absent father, and yet Roethkes relationship with his
absent father was complicated enough to warrant a lifetime of poetry largely concerning the man,
even though he died when Roethke was only fifteen.
Readers also are made aware of the size of the speakers father in the poem, which makes
the father seem overwhelmingly huge. In lines three and four of the poem, the speaker [hangs]
on like death: / Such waltzing was not easy. The desperation with which the boy hangs on
during a simple waltz is easy enough to overlook, and yet it is so profound and obvious. How do
we readers miss this simple statement that says it all? The speakers father is huge,
comparatively. A waltz is a slow dance; even off balance, it should not be a complicated one for a
boy to keep up with unless he is unmatched in his dancing partner. His fathers clumsiness is
overpowering him, and though this may not be an intentional act of dominance on the fathers
part, it is for the child, as is shown by his holding on like death and the difficulty he is
experiencing.
When the narrator mentions that he hung on like death (line 3), that he is close enough
that his ear [scrapes] a buckle (line 12), and that he is clinging to [his fathers] shirt (line 16),
we are not only reminded that he is a fraction of his fathers size, though; we are reminded that
even this act of being close is an act of communication, called proxemics. Proxemics is a general
category of nonverbal communication which includes distance between the communicating
parties, position, and (angle of) eye contact. (Blatner p.3) Cultures from around the world have
different preferences regarding and regulating how close two people may acceptably stand next
to one another, but as Blatner states, persons of Northern European descent tend to prefer a
relatively greater distance. Different distances are also intuitively assigned for situations

Simpson 4
involving intimate relations (p.3) Roethke, who was an American poet in the early 1900s,
would most likely have held to the American standards of personal space. Americans typically
keep at least two feet between each other when conversing, and only when being intimate would
two Americans break the standard because Americans tend to value personal space and feel
violated when it is invaded. His fathers act of invading his personal space is very dominating,
and while not necessarily violent or cruel, it is menacing.
While proximity is relatively common (in America) between child and parent during
times of embracing affection, the narrator mentions his fathers physical closeness several times.
The repetition is not only significant as a literary tool, but is also significant as a nonverbal tool
which emphasizes or, in this case, betrays the intensity of thought in form of non-lexical
communication, by way of paralanguage. Non-lexical communication regards the way
communication is made without specific language use such as word choice or vocal pitch,
whereas paralanguage refers to communicative gestures which accompany speech. This use of
paralanguage references the ways in which the communication is made how the communicator
subconsciously chooses to convey his message (Blatner p.4). Because closeness is not
uncommon or alien to children, the narrator would not think much about his proximity to his
father unless he were uncomfortable with it for some reason and if that were the case, he would
not be able to stop thinking about it. His mentioning it three times in a sixteen-line poem is
excessive and points to thinking that he is either unused to being held so tightly, or that he does
not like it.
In lines seven and eight, something happens: the focus shifts to the speakers mother.
This is the only time in the poem in which Roethke directs his focus toward the mother and
away from the father, thus heightening the opposition between his parents (McKenna 35). Lines

Simpson 5
seven and eight of the poem tell us that Roethkes mothers countenance / could not unfrown
itself, and we know it is in reaction to his fathers romping in line five. Most people know that
frowning is a universal sign for Im not happy but why? We learn symbols, or signals like
general facial expressions as children; a smile signifies happiness, while tears signify sadness,
and so on and so forth. This seems like common knowledge, but the reasoning behind it is not.
Facial expressions are so important not only because studies have shown that they are universal,
but also because they are completely involuntary. If someone is surprised, their eyes will widen,
unless they are specifically trying not to show it. If someone hears a funny joke, they will laugh,
unless they are specifically trying not to show it. Facial expressions are as involuntary as
breathing. If a person thinks about not breathing, they can stop it for a while, the way a person
who doesnt want to smile wont. According to Blatner, facial expressions often reveal feelings
that a person is not intending to communicate or even aware of (p.7). The fact that the mother is
watching and cannot stop frowning shows that she is not trying to hide her unhappiness. It is not
simply that she is sternly disapproving (McKenna 35); she cannot stop herself and she cannot
un-frown herself because she is so deep in her dissatisfaction and discontent. She is actively
unhappy, and though readers may argue that she is unhappy about the dishes being scattered onto
the floor, the fact that she cannot stop frowning is indicative of something much stronger: fear.
It is also worth noting that her frowning is also a physiological response, which is
completely involuntary and something that cannot be controlled or stopped until the emotion
which motivated it has either lessoned or dissipated. The narrators mom was unhappy and
betraying it in her facial expression, but because it was a response to an uncontrolled emotion,
she is unable to cover it up or change her expression until she is less unhappy but remember,
the narrator has already said that she cannot stop frowning, meaning that, for the entire duration

Simpson 6
of the scenario described in the poem, she is frowning and unhappy. This makes it much more
likely that she is unhappy because of the situation, rather than because of an occurrence in its
duration, like the pans sliding off the shelf (line 6). It also gives the idea that his mother is
standing by and watching this dance unfold, which means that she feels the need to be nearby but
not close enough that she is involved another instance of proximity. This distance indicates
that, though part of her does not want to be involved because she does not approve or want to
participate in the scenario, another warring part of her the maternal concern for her son
demands she stay close enough to intervene if she really needs to do so.
The narrator mentions the battered knuckle that holds his wrist (line 10), and readers
minds wonder where the cuts came from. The fact that while the hand officiously gripping his
sons wrist and holding him in place has battered knuckles (insinuating violence) and the other
hand was busy hitting his sons head, as we know from the very next stanza, makes readers think
about the relationship between the two. Hands are indicative of what a person does, and if both
hands are busy being violent, we have to realize that the narrator wants us to know that.
John Ciardi argues that the poem is the romp, and that it is a dizzying succession of
painful glimpses (369) which include the pans falling, the frowning mother, the scarred hands
of his father, the painful scrapes of the belt buckle against the boys ear with every missed step
(Roethke lines 11-12), and the beating his head is receiving by his dads huge, hard hand
(Ciardi 369). McKenna suggests that his fathers hand is significant, not only because it is a hand
large enough that the entire palm fits over top of the boys head, but because of Roethkes
description of a hand caked hard by dirt (line 14), suggesting that the fathers palm is indeed
hardhe is a hard man as well as a hard worker. He even plays hard (McKenna 36). Roethkes

Simpson 7
emphasis on his fathers hands means that they are incredibly significant to him, which suggests
that Roethke has been heavily marked by his fathers touch.
Touch is a very significant communication method, because it is personal and intimate.
While the narrators usage of the word beat can very easily allude to the beat of music, the
word in this questionable situation is significant. In McKennas essay over Roethkes revisions,
we see that the first line of this stanza changed from The hand wrapped round my head to You
kept time on my head, and then later to You beat time on my head (36). So many revisions for
this single line make it obvious that Roethke wanted a very specific message in this line. The
first version features an alarmingly dangerous version of touch a hand wrapping around a small
childs head immediately sets the tone for the rest of the stanza. Perhaps Roethke saw that this
was simply too overtly graphic, because he changed it to a much calmer line: You kept time on
my head. This second draft of the line is more tame and does not call forth any cause for alarm
or even the smallest of red flags, because he does not say how his father keeps time. Finally, he
rewrites it and uses the important word: beat. Beat has a connotation of violence, and this
already suggestable scenario makes Roethkes diction seem pointed and intentional. It is this
word choice which convinces me that we as readers are meant to realize this tension and that we
are supposed to pick up on the fact that this is a complicated and complex memory of more than
just one emotion. If Roethke were not, as an adult reflecting upon this memory, appalled and
finally understanding the situation for what it was with the maturity of an adult able to process
his emotions and the reality of the situation, he would not have been so obsessive with the
violence and would simply not add so many words and phrases which could not be overlooked.
It is significant to the narrator, and Roethkes inability to lay it to rest is why this poem has small
hidden messages all over it, like this one.

Simpson 8
Roethke ends the poem with his father dancing him to bed, leaving the boy clinging to
his fathers shirt (line 16). As has already been established, the waltz is domineering and
commanding, and it is also selfish on his fathers part because his father is not thinking of his
sons fear or senses, which are being assaulted by the dance and the closeness (such as being
made dizzy because of the smell of his fathers alcohol consumption (lines 1-2)). Being waltzed
off to bed (line 15) in such a way would have been dizzying furthermore and would have been
an unpleasant way to end the evening, so overwhelming that young Roethke would have had to
cling desperately to his fathers shirt so that he did not fall and would not be hurt. These two
lines are perhaps the most devastating, because absent from the evenings routine is any kind of
selflessness on the fathers part, any kind of affection or bidding goodnights there is only
overwhelming discomfort and a dissatisfying end, wherein Roethke demonstrates how hard he
tried to hold on to some kind of relationship with his father, who in turn did not make the same
effort.
Theodore Roethke wrote constantly about his father in many different poems and in many
different ways. The man was a shadow who haunted Roethkes mind, and Roethkes memories of
him were a constant muse. What is interesting about Roethkes poems is that they often carry this
ambivalence of tone and emotion, largely toward his father but also towards the memories
themselves. Roethkes poems make it clear that his father was both beloved and terrifying at
once, and Roethke as a boy did not seem to have much of a problem with that, though Roethke
as a man spends a large portion of his career trying to understand it and make sense of how a
neglectful and even abusive father can terrify him but still hold a place in his heart. While this is
not a sweet and innocent memory, it is not a horrifyingly nightmarish one, either. Roethkes
diction and the simultaneous yet contradictory tones underlying and carrying his poetry are his

Simpson 9
way of allowing the young boy of his memory to finally express the conglomeration of emotions
he felt growing up with a man who was too absent to be a constant nightmare but still significant
enough to be loved.
Roethkes My Papas Waltz is the embodiment of the relationship between too-rough
parents and their children: complicated. While Roethke loved his father enough to dedicate
enough poems to fill a book to his memory, those poems are filled with tension between
combating emotions as Roethke tries to figure out how he feels about his father. Oftentimes,
what is not said is just as important, if not more important, than what is said, which is what led
me to examine the poem in light of nonverbal communication. This examination has proven what
I believed: not only that My Papas Waltz must be read openly and with a parallel structure of
opposing tones to be fully understood, but that the poem itself is complex in this way because it
was made to mirror and symbolize the very relationship between Roethke and his father. The
intricacy of the connection between Otto and Theodore Roethke is exactly depicted by the
intricacy of the poem and the waltz within it. The waltz is the dance between fear and love
Roethke has danced his entirely life while trying to relate to his father before his death.

Simpson 10
Kota Simpson
Dr. Oost
ENG 401
10 November 2016
Works Cited
Balakian, Peter. Theodore Roethkes Far Fields: The Evolution of his Poetry. Baton
Rouge: Louisiana State UP, 1989.
Blatner, Adam. About Nonverbal Communication: Part 1, General Considerations. 9
June, 2009. Accessed 15 October 2016.
Burke, Kenneth. The Vegetal Radicalism of Theodore Rothke. Sewanee Review. 1950,
pgs. 68-108.
Ciardi, John, and Williams, Miller. How Does a Poem Mean? 2nd ed. Boston: Houghton,
1975.
Finzi, Ricky, Har-Even, Dov, and Weizman, Abraham. Comparison of Ego
DefensesAmong Physicaly Abused Children, Neglected, and Non-maltreated
Children. Comprehensive Psychiatry. 2003, pgs. 388-395.
Fong, Bobby. Roethkes My Papas Waltz. College Literature. 1990, pgs. 79-82.

Simpson 11
Galvin, Brendan. Kenneth Burke and Theodore Roethkes Lost Son Poems. Theodore
Roethke. Ed. Harold Bloom. New York: Chelsea House, 1988. Pgs. 85-112.
Malkoff, Karl. Theodore Roethke. New York: Columbia UP, 1966.
Poyatos, Fernando. Nonverbal Communication Across Disciplines. Linguistic Society of
America. Vol. 9, No. 4. 3 December, 2003. Accessed 15 October 2016.
Roethke, Theodore. My Papas Waltz. Collected Poems of Theodore Roethke. Penguin
Random House LLC, 1942.