College Prep: Writing a Strong Essay

with Leigh Ann Chow

The Paramedic Method (originally developed by Richard Lanham in Revising Prose)
1. Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)
2. Draw a box around the is verb forms
3. Ask, Wheres the action?
4. Change the action into a simple verb
5. Move the doer into the subject (Whos kicking whom)
6. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups
7. Eliminate any redundancies.
Use the Paramedic Method you learned about in this video to practice revising some sentences on your own.
1. As a way of providing additional medical data, the online portal is intended to serve as an information
source for patients and their caregivers.
2. The decision by the members of the administration was that the student council would take care of
the organization and planning of the prom.
3. The announcement from the union representing the teachers stated that the cause for the strike was
higher wages and better benefits.
4. A calculation of the cost of the college application process was conducted and submitted for
publication in the school newspaper by the guidance department.
5. An investigation into the question of the accident was delayed due to incompetence.
6. The decision by her parents was that the vacation for their family in the summer would include stops
in six states.
7. It was determined by the committee that the profits of the company were put at risk by the activities
of the owners.
8. The attitude of superiority demonstrated by the girl was noticed by all who were in attendance at the
party.
9. The initiative by the governor about the environment was covered in an announcement made by the
press office on the day designated to commemorate the Earth.
10. The competition for dominance of the league is between athletes with high levels of skill on two
teams from schools with a rivalry.

College Prep: Writing a Strong Essay with Leigh Ann Chow

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Suggested Revisions
1. The online portal provides patients and their caregivers with additional medical data.
2. The administration decided that the student council would organize and plan the prom.
3. The union announced that teachers were striking for higher wages and better benefits.
4. The guidance department calculated the cost of applying to college and published it in the
school newspaper.
5. The detectives incompetence delayed the accident investigation. (Notice that I included the
detective, to indicate who initiated the action in the sentence.)
6. Her parents decided that their summer vacation would stop in six states.
7. The committee determined that the owners activities jeopardized company profits. (Notice here
that I used a strong verb, jeopardized, to replace put at risk by.)
8. Everyone at the party noticed the girls superior attitude.
9. The governors press office announced his environmental initiative on Earth Day. (Notice how
using the pronoun his eliminates using governor twice.)
10. Highly skilled athletes from the two rival schools competed for league dominance. (Notice how
I turned prepositional phrases into adjectives: athletes with high levels of skill = highly skilled
athletes and schools with a rivalry = rival schools.)

College Prep: Writing a Strong Essay with Leigh Ann Chow

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