“i -|é Cf? | teSEX SIGNS New and Revised Edition JUDITH BENNETT « St. Martin’s Griffin #8 New YorkA Tuomas Dunne Book AN IMPRINT OF ST MARTIN'S PRESS SFX SIGNS. Copyright © 1980 by Judith Bennett Copyright © 1980 by Gerald Born, Joan Bowman, Kenn Calhoun, and Jeannette Kossuth for the following chapters: Taurus, Gemini, Sagsttarius, and The Cosmic Woman, Revisions © 1996 by Jeannette Kossuth All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsocver without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address St. Martin's Press, 175 Fifth Avenuc, New York, N ¥. 10010 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Bennett, Judith. Sex Signs - every woman’s astrological and psychological guide to love, men, sex, anger, and personal power / by Judith Bennett—Rev. and updated ed. Pp. em. “A Thomas Dunne book.” ISBN 0-312-18756-4 1. Astrology and sex. 1. Title BF1729.S4B4 1997 133.5'83054—dc20 96-44813 cr 10 987654toh Without whose love, understanding, encouragement and support this book could not have been written And my patient children, Anina and Nicky, who fill my life with joy, and from whom I have learned a great deal And my good friend Gerald Born, whos ¢ sage advice I cherishContents Introduction to Revised Edition xi ARIES WOMAN Checklist of Aries Traits Aries Personality 2 Aries Relationships Aries Sexuality 14 Aries Anger 16 Aries Lifestyles 19 Summing Up Aries 20 TAURES WOMAN Checklist of Taurus Traits 2 Taurus Personality 2 Taurus Relationships 4 Taurus Sexuality 38 Taurus Anger 43 Taurus Lifestyles 45 Summing Up Taurus 4CONTENITS viii GIMINE WOMAN Checklist of Gemini Traits 49 Gemini Personality 0 Gemini Relationships Gemini Sexuality 70 Gemini Anger 76 Gemini Lifestyles 7 Sunming Up Geminis CANCER WOMAN Checklist of Cancer Traits sv Cancer Personality 3 Cancer Relationships 9s Cancer Sexuality 100 Cancer Anger 105 Cancer Lifestyles 1x Summing Up Cancer 10» Hho WOMAN Checklist of Leo Traits 111 Leo Personality 112 Leo Relationships 120 Leo Sexuality 125 Leo Anger 10 Leo Lifestyles 198 Summing Up Leo 131 VIRGO WOMAN Cherklist of Virgo Traits. 116 Virgo Personality 17 Virgo Relationships 143 Virgo Sexuality 10 Virgo Anger 11 Virgo Lifestyles 138 Summing Up Virgo 160 TERRA WOMAN Checklist of Libra Traits we Libra Personality 193 Libra Relationships 16 Libra Sexuality 174 Libra Auger 176 Libra Lifestyles 178 Summing Up Libia 181CONTENTS ix SEORPIO WOMAN Checklist of Scorpio Traits x2 Scopio Personality ns Scorpio Relationships. 192 Scorpio Sexuality 198 Scorpio Anger 22 Scorpio Lifestyles 205 Sumining Up Scorpio 207 SAGLTTYRIUS WOMAN Checklist of Sagittarius Traits 298 Sagittarius Personality 200 Sagittarius Relationships 218 Sagittarius Scxuality v2 fagiuarius Anger 29 Sagittarius Lifesty| Summing Up Sagittarius 232 230 CAPRICORN WOMAN Checklist of Capricorn Traits 28 Capricom Personality 1 Capricorn Relationships zs Capricom Sexuality 3 Capricorn Anger capricorn Lilestyles 260 Summing Up Capricorn 262 AOU ARIES WOMAN Checklist of Aquartus Traits 16s Aquarius Personality 24 Aquarius Relationships 27 Aquarins Sexuality 241 Aquarius Anger 248 Aquarius Lifestyles 292 Summing Up Aquarius 291 PISEES WOMAN Checklist of Pisces Traits 296 Pisces Personality 297 Pisves Relauonships — ww2 isces Sexuality 106 Pisces Anger 410, Pisces Lifestyles sis Summing Up Pisces. 3CONTENTS THE COSMIC WOMAN Checklist of Cosmic Traits 318 Cosmic Personality 317 Cosmic Relationships s%0 Cosmic Sexuality 34 Cosmic Anger 387 Cosmic Lifestyles +40 Summing Up the Cosmic Woman 442INTRODUCTION TO REVISED EDITION THE ORIGINAI. MANUSCRIPT for this book was a parting gift from Judith Bennett to her friends and the many women she counseled in therapy. Judith died suddenly and tragically when the plane that was taking her on a prepublication publicity trip exploded over O'Hare Airport in 1980. A group of close friends and colleagues gath- ered to finish the editing of Judith’s notes, and assembled the portions of the man- uscript in need of completion. Sex Signs was originally published in the United States in 1980. Since that time, it has been published in Great Britain, Australia, and New Zealand, and has been trans- lated for publication in France, Spain, Holland, Italy, Japan, and many countries in Latin America. Its record sales in the United States over the past two decades have prompted this revised edition. ‘Sex Signs is a book that celebrates women’s personal and sexual freedom. The world of intimate relationships has expanded dramatically since 1980, however. to include health and safety issues unimaginable at the time this book was first published. While supporting the spirit of freedom and choice in women’s sexuality, this revised edition addresses the issues of intimacy women face today. ‘The power of Judith Bennett’s Sex Signs lives on in its clarity, insight, and intelli- gence. We hope this revision will offer its readers an enhanced awareness of their power and freedom of choice as we enter the century to come.Intropuction 1 AM A THERAPIST who has spent a decade helping women in a variety of ways: as founder and president of the Life Crisis Counseling Clinic and of the Flexible Careers Counseling Center, both in Chicago, and both concemed with helping people in the areas of relationships, sexuality, and health, as a sexologist currently studying for a Ph.D. in human sexuality; and as a teacher who has taught people around the world about love and intimacy, self-esteem, assertiveness, awareness, sexuality, and how to use anger and power constructively Iam also a professional astrologer who has stud- ied various astrological approaches, Jungian dream analysis, numerology, palmistry, handwriting analysis, and Tarot cards, all for the purpose of helping my clients and satisfying my own curiosity. I am senior editor of Forum, the International Journal of Human Relations. In this capacity, I receive over fifty thousand letters a year from readers who wish to share their personal lives. I was born in Hungary on April 13, 1944, and was educated abroad and in the United States. I'm a graduate of the University of Chicago, and the mother of two children, a girl and a boy. Shortly after establishing the Life Crisis Counseling Clinic, I received a phone call from a psychiatrist. He wanted to refer a suicidal patient to me for a psycho- astrological consultation. I accepted the client, but with serious misgivings. After all, it was a grave responsibility, and I would only get one crack, I'll have t do better than my best, I told myself Usually I hold a dialogue with my clients, and cach session takes an hour to an hour and a half. Each psycho-astrology client receives a tape of our session and is free to call back at any time So far, I have never received a single call to tell me I had given the wrong advice, but I have had many telling me the session helped. This woman came to the session pale, withdrawn, and depressed. Her session tookxiv INTRODUCTION just forty minutes because she was very quiet. To say she said litte would be an understatement. I plunged ahead, speaking as clearly and positively as I could, trying to convince her of the conclusion I'd reached by sudying her chart: that her crisis period would come to an end within four months. I remember telling her that I felt it was a test of her strength and love of life. I remember describing my belief that crises are actually our greatest learning times, springboards to evolution and happi- ness if we cope well I repeated that I felt her crisis specifically tested her courage. She had somehow, with the help of her subconscious, set herself the task of living without a family or a man to lean on. Mentally, she believed she was independent, but her emotions were resisting. Fear of the future and self-pity were all she seemed to feel. I remember cautioning her not to expect that the world would help her out, but I stressed that in just four months, if she persisted, there would probably be a great opportunity for a new job and a romance. I told her, too, that nothing was likely to happen if she hid in her room; though the coming opportuniues were indicated in her chart, she had the free will to accept or deny them. Very gently I tried to get her to accept the fact that we are really in charge of our own lives. If we accept the existence and importance of our subconscious, if we listen to our dreams and inner voices, we'll find a hidden purpose in just about everything that happens to us. There are no coincidences, in my opinion, and her fears and depressions had come to teach her something important, they would pass. 1 could not tell if she really listened or if the taped reading would help her. Usually my clients leave me feeling high. The point of my readings has always been to shed new light and bring fresh awareness into a person's life—past, present, and future. Greater self-knowledge eventually produces greater harmony and better relationships. I do not “predict the future” I predict probable patterns of human behavior. I predict the probable effects of current planetary cycles on a person's life, at the same time stressing free choice and individual responsibility. I engage my clients in a dia- logue, reviewing the best possible choices open to them. In my consultations, as in this book, my aim is to help the client sort out what is best for her. In the above instance staying home might have denied this woman her opportunity. It would have been unproductive behavior, and I pointed this out. I finished the consultation, as I always do, with a practical, tailor-made “how to cope” segment, which is always well received. When this particular client left, however, I was very concerned. For all I knew, she might kill herself the same day. Yet my intuition told me to remain optimistic; I would hear from her again, About six months later, I began to receive requests for psycho-astrological consul- tations from a group of women who seemed to know one another. I finally figured out that the inital contact had come from my depressed lady. Apparently she was alive. Almost a year later, she called me back T have never forgotten the conversation, which went something like this: “Hi, do you remember me? I came to see you about a year ago. I was awfully depressed.”” I told her I not only remembered her but had thought of her often, hoping that the job and romance had come through and had given her the boost to start living again. She then continued Everything you said on the tape has come true. When the time came, I forced myself to go out and be in places where I could meet people. I was very skeptical that what you told me would really happen, but when I got a new Job offer out of the blue, I decided I might as well go all the Way and ty the romance department.INTRODUCTION xv Believe it or not, I met a man I am living with now. It’s a good relationship, my job is fine, and | am a new person, I want to thank you, and I want you to know that I carry the tape of that session with me in my purse. P'ye also told many people about you. I thanked her for letting me know. and I leaned back and closed my eyes. This was clear confirmation of my method. Psycho-astrology, combined with my knowledge of therapy and sexuality, has been helpful even in the hardest cases, even in just one session. Since then, there have been hundreds of instances where the technique has given more meaning and hope to people’s lives. Let me state my position succinctly. Planets do not rule destiny. People rule their own destinies, and they do so most effectively when cognizant of a universal rhythm. Through years of experience, I learned to refine psycho-astrology into a unique tool for selfdevelopment. Its validity as I use it has been proven to me over and over again. The women in my sessions relaxed quickly when they heard that others with similar charts had also had problems and had overcome them. They learned some new things; they made important choices. They gained more faith in the order of things. They came away more prepared for their own roles, actions, and reactions, and for the events that might befall them. Many began to develop a belief system that relieved prolonged agonizing and helped them to gain detachment from the pettiness of their all-too-human cgos. In the course of our sessions, we concluded that life is not the meaningless, chaotic thing it may seem when one is confused, angry, or depressed. Anger and depression can be confronted, and what's more, there are ways to build on the knowledge gleaned from such episodes. Life can be seen as a constant challenge and a gift. And life may be one step on a ladder of reincarnation, each step with a purpose of its own, each containing a lesson in love and in relating, each accompanied by struggle. Albert Einstein once said, "God does not play with dice.” It seems he had the same idea of the regularity, purpose, and order of the universe, and of our lives in it Perhaps the most important thing to come out of my consultations has been my clients’ perception of the value of change. Most people who came to see me were suffering from aftershock or future shock: a bad love affair, illness, loss, fears of going out, getting a job, having a baby, moving to another city, getting married, getting divorced. Change was always the ogre, or so it seemed. What underlies most fear of change is ignorance and lack of self-trust. Recognizing this, I shared with my clicnts some of my own fears and how I had overcome them. T suggested they make a “Risk List” to learn how often they had already taken risks— and succeeded. The Risk List became one of the most popular exercises (see “Taurus Relationships"). It is my belief that change is natural and, in the long run, probably beneficial. How we cope with change determines much of the quality of our lives. I asked those who came to see me to tell me what they feared the most, and it usually turned out to be something they could live with, Selfesteem was another major stumbling block. I gave clients a reading list and suggestions on growth seminars. I advised them how to improve their selfimages and body language. I gave clients material and practice exercises on communications skills, including sexual communication. I bolstered their confidence by pointing out all the richness and good qualities inherent in their chart, reminding them of the wisdom they had already accumulated simply by living. I was able tw help most of them to at least recognize, if not choose immediately, the road that would lead them to give up their most binding fears.xvi INTRODUCTION I did all this with the help of psycho-astrology. Just about everything I taught and everything I learned from my clients in a decade of therapy is in this book. Let me tell the reader about Sex Signs. It is a psycho-astrology guide to female potenual, health, and happiness, and it explores areas beyond the scope of other astrology books. It deals specifically with women, delving into the hidden world of female psy- chology, sexuality, anger, fear, guilt, power struggles, and changing needs, It teaches the reader how to find love. Love consists not in finding the right person but in becoming the right person. Sex Signs rejects predetermination or predestination as well as the strict use of sun signs. Sex Signs is a breakthrough book, a dramatic, unique marriage of astrology, psy- chology, and female sexuality It goes directly to the point most relevant to today’s woman: how she can develop awareness of herself, become attuned to the universal planetary rhythms that affect her, and obtain a key to her own love and power. The only things not included in Sex Signs are individual forecasts. Each person has her or his own unique chart, but such analyses are not within the scope of this book. Instead. I have devised a way to blend and compress that kind of personal infor mation into psycho-astrologrral female portraits You will find in this book thirteen differ~ ent types of women, twelve corresponding to the signs of the Zodiac, plus one more, the Cosmic Woman—the lady who really has it all together. The reader can first read the chapter that describes her sun sign. Or she can read the checklist of thirty-five personality traits that appears at the beginning of each chapter and choose the one that best describes her, regardless of whether it matches her sign. Almost every astrology book these days is based solely on sun signs At partes, one often hears, “Hi, what sign are you? I'm a Leo.” But over the years many women have come to me saying, “I've read the description of Leo, Virgo, Libra, etc., and it doesn’t fit. What's wrong with me?" My response is an emphauc “Nothing.” Sun sign descriptions seldom work. They are too simplistic and general to provide important information or real insight. They also offer no way out of the rut of a supposedly permanent character. The main reason I have based Sex Signs on blended astrological portraits and not ‘on sun signs (or moon signs or any other specific planetary influence) is that I feel a woman must be liberated from the view that her sun sign is her character cast in stone! A Gemini reader may identify inost with the description of the Aries Woman. Should she discard the information, scratch her head in confusion, or put herself down for being a bad" Gemini? I say the variable choice of who she is and will be is hers. I want no woman to be bound by the inflexible, stereotypical thinking prom- ulgated by sun sign enthusiasts. The reader need not know astrology to learn from this book. Her role model may be the Aries Woman, the Gemini Woman, or the Pisces Woman, regardless of her sun sign, as she herself decides. And, as explained later in this chapter (see ‘“Phases"’), she may find that she is going through a phase accurately described by one chapter, whereas a few years back, she was quite a different woman. Her old self may be portrayed in another chapter. What Exactly Is Psycho-astrology? Astrology is an ancient method of studying changing patterns and cycles. Its bound- aries overlap a vast system of metaphysics. Psycho-astrology blends the ancient wisdomINTRODUCTION xvii of astrology and the modern expertise of psychology, and I believe it is a dynamic, productive way to study and comprehend human nature It is food for the curious mind, an aid to knowing oneself and understanding how one relates to others, a superb guide to cycles, to treasures buried within, and to coping with the network of energies that constantly surround and influence us. 1 use psycho-astrology as a creative way to tune in and communicate with people It helps me to channel my intuition, to structure and integrate What | have observed, experienced, learned, felt; and it translates astrological language into a modern id- iom, Psycho-astrology has also been a personal bridge for me. It has allowed me to expand from humanistic, academic psychology into the psychic frontiers of a new type of astrology. It has forced me to use, to verify, and finally to trust my intuition as much as my logical mind In Sex Signs, | use psycho-astrology asa barometer of the flowing, flexible cycles of a woman’s growth. With it, 1 try to promote her recognition of the responsibilities she bears for her own fulfillment, in relation both to herself and to others. In all, I hope to communicate to the reader my accumulated experience with the disciplines Tuse as a therapist and in my own life. Who Is Psycho-astrology For? ‘Sex Signs is for the woman who wants to familiarize herself with her psycho-social- sexual self, to recognize her inhibitions and reduce or eliminate them, to give and receive love and pleasure She will find here invaluable insights into her personality. She will receive advice, inspiration, information, leadership, encouragement, support, and a catalyst for growth. If the key to life is love, the key to romance and marriage is sexual communication. Human sexuality is a critical component of romantic love: We express our sexuality in ways we Were taught by our parents, our peers, and society. We think of it, for example, as primarily a genital interaction. In actuality, nearly every instance of social intercourse involves a sexual response. Sexual energy is inhereny a natural and healthy force. It is the joy of being alive, the drive to connect, to communicate with feeling and to live with meaning. All of us have the capacity to experience pleasure, to adapt to change, and to feel com- fortable as we become intimate with others. If'we are in total harmony with our free- flowing sexual energy, we are able to live with selfrespect, love, freedom, and creativity. We can take the risks necessary to effect change, and we are capable of appreciating the responsibilities of deep intimacy as well as of worldly success. But if we have trouble defining our needs, giving and accepting love, developing our sexual potential, making relationships work, using our anger construcuvely, atiaining goals, then this book will, 1 hope, be a valuable aid to fashioning a fulfilling lifestyleINTRODUE CcTION xvii The Thirteen Sisters of Sex Signs ‘This book is based on thirteen psycho-astrological portraits of women, The different types are described, beginning with the Aries Woman, ending with the Cosmic Woman, and including cvery astrological sign in between. There are twelve signs in the Zodiac, and I have used their symbolism. D've added one more, not because I think a planet beyond Pluto is about to be discovered and added to the Zodiac’s planetary collection (though that too will happen), but because 1 believe women today are looking for role models. The thirteenth chapter describes the ultimate woman, the one who is so spiritually, sexually, mentally, and emotionally independent that she has become totally, securely interdependent. If that seems like a paradox, I refer you to chapter thirteen. Each woman is a blend of different influences, including her genes, her back- ground, and the input of parents, teachers, friends, lovers, children, society at large, and also the media. In addition, she has her own vision of herself, but it is seldom realized. Here, too, the thirteenth chapter might help. An individual chart contains at least fifteen different factors an astrologer works with, such as sun sign, moon sign, ascendant, midheaven, elements, qualities, plane- tary aspects, Arabic points, and midpoints, to mention a few. But since this is not a technical book, there will be no discussion of which planets other than the ruling planet influence cach female portrait. Here only the results count, and I leave the explanation of the process of arriving at them for a later date. I am very sure that each reader will find an accurate description of her innermost self in Sex Signs. ‘The woman who reads Sex Signs need know nothing about astrology to benefit a great deal. Nor does she have to know her own chart in order to understand and learn. How to Use This Book Each of the thirteen chapters is preceded by a Checklist of Traits. This list contains thirty-five characteristics that describe each type of woman. Since most women know their sun signs, | advise the reader to turn to the chapter on her sign and go over the checklist. If she has thirty or more of the traits listed, this chapter probably de- scribes her accurately. She should read it first. If the reader feels that the sun sign checklist does not describe her, she is advised to go through the other checklists. She will find one that does, and she should start at this point, regardless of her sign. A woman should not be alarmed if she finds herself described at various points other chapters. There are universal links, as well as universal problems, shared by many types of women. That's what sisterhood is all about. Finding herself in more than one chapter should only solidify her feeling that she is not alone. And if she can benefit from the advice in several different chapters, more power to her! To quote famous astrologer Alan Leo, “Each part of a whole reflects the whole wit itself. Thus, each of the twelve signs of the Zodiac reflects the whole Zodiac within itself.INTRODUCTION xix Phases The woman who finds that one chapter describes her as she was five years ago and another fits her current self is on the right track. For the book is designed to show the developmental richness of a Woman's life It helps her to see where she is coming from and points the way ahead. A woman reader in her twenties, for example, may have a Scorpio sun sign, but she may identify right now with the chapter on the Aries Woman. This need not confuse her. 1 believe it simply means that she is more an Aries than a Scorpio or that she is undergoing an Aries phase in her life. This phase may, in time, give way to another. By reading Sex Signs, this woman will gain valuable insight about herself now and about the direction she can take next. Another example of a woman in flux is a reader in her forues with a Capricorn sun sign. The Capricorn chapter may describe her to a tee when in fact she is unhappy with her life and wants to change it She will find in this book the insight and practical advice she needs to analyze not only herself but also the sister she may want to emulate, She may, for example, wish to be more like a fiery Leo. She need only read the chapter on the Leo Woman to see whether her fantasy is worth pursuing and how this might be done. Still another reader may review her life and conclude that she has gone through many phases and is comfortably setiled in her present lifestyle. In this case, Sex Signs will give her a big pat on the back. Today's woman is a complex person living in a complex era. She is often confused about her needs. She is under great pressure to become a person in her own right but may find it difficult to break away from her early conditioning and her depend- ence on a man. Her perceptions and status are in flux, and society has done little to prepare her to live in the post-contraceptive, pre-cquality World of future shock. 1 believe that my phase-by-phase approach is extremely important, because the modern woman can no longer be described by old stereotypes, nor can she be taken for granted, She is wife, mother, partner, daughter, lover, friend, professional. She is also whore, saint, angel, devil, muse, Amazon. What has to be remembered is that women (and men) are in a constant process of change. Today's woman has more choices than ever She is changing rapidly and experiencing more stress. This book takes that factor into consideration Why Not Sun Signs? In my view, a woman who says her sun sign description does not fit should have the option to consider herself another astrological type and be supported in her view. She should also feel free to break away from other potentially harmful stereotypes As I have stated before, I feel a woman must be liberated from the sense that her sun sign is her character cast in stone There are other reasons why I am not basing Sex Signs on sun signs. A sun sign description, while a valuable way for the beginner to relate to astrology, is far too simplistic. 1t is convenient because most people know their sun sign, but it is only one of many factors that go into the making of a chart. The holistic astrologer casts and interprets a chart based on at least the following “symbols”: ten planets (though we call them stars), the ascendant and mid-heaven axis, and the moon's nodes. Pro-XX ' TRODUCTION gressed charts and transits arc also integrated with the natal chart to provide a com- plete understanding of the person at a given time. J also find technical problems with sun sign astrology. First, people born on over- lapping dates, called the “cusp,” do not usually know which sign they are. For a woman who was born on the exact cusp of, say, Aquarius/Pisces to determine whether she is an Aquarius or a Pisces (sun sign), she must know her exact time of birth and have a chart cast for that time. The sun moves into a sign at different times each year, and sometimes even the cusp date might change by a day. If she does not know her time of birth, the astrologer must use a complicated process called rectification to determine what the time must have been. Rectification is a technique of working backward in time, using dates of major importance to the client in order to arrive at the correct moment of birth. Unforumately, there are many rectification methods, and two astrologers using different methods can easily arrive at different birth times, and thus different charts, for the same person. Another problem is historical. There is a group of astrologers called siderealists who use a Zodiac based on constellations But the constellations we call Aries, Taurus, etc., are not where they were in ancient times, The sidereal Zodiac is different from the tropical one used in most astrology textbooks. The tropical Zodiac is based on the earth's seasons. ‘The tropical Zodiac takes the position of the sun at the vernal equinox (when day and night are of equal length in spring) as zero degrees of Arics, the first sign of the Zodiac. The signs are then assigned thirty degrees each, with the twelve signs com- posing the total of 360 degrees. The division of each sign into thirty degrees appears arbitrary, but most Eastern astrologers use the tropical Zodiac because the fact is that it works. ‘The horoscope is divided into twelve houses. Some astrologers use the equal house method, in which each house has exactly thirty degrees. The rising sign or ascendant of the person determines the “start” of the horoscope, on the left-hand side. The ascendant is determined by the time of birth; its sign (Aries through Pisces) corre- sponds to the constellation that rose on the eastern horizon at the person's time of birth, Other astrologers use varying house methods. Most Western horoscopes are now cast with the Koch or Placidus method, both of which divide the horoscope into unequal segments. Thus, one house might have fifty degrecs while another has only twemy-five. Psycho-astrology relies to a degree on classical astrology and some of its interpre- tations. However, it supports the modern astrological view that the total study of the person should be based on the total chart, on intuiuon, on a knowledge of psychology and human sexuality, and on growth cycles. It departs from classical astrology in holding that negativity is mostly in the mind of the person, not in outside forces. Though an event may occur, it is the person’s reaction to and interpretation and percep- tion of the event that will determine the outcome, not some cosmic overseer. Summing up, I am against using sun sign astrology because it is all too often a confining influence that many women interpret as reflecting badly on them. I do not wish to burden any woman with a negative view of herself. Most women already suffer from low selfesteem and are much too susceptible to restrictive outside authorities as definitive of their own worth. | feel that psycho-astrology counteracts these ten- dencies and is a liberating, not a confining, influence.INTRODUCTION xxi Why I Wrote Sex Signs No woman need subscribe to my peisonal philosophy to get a great deal of help front Sex Signs. However, I think it is important tor ine to communicate what | believe, for it puts things in a clearer perspective. In this book, 1 rely on my training as a professional counselor, psycho-astrologer, teacher, and student of human nature and social and sexual behavior I also draw on my experience as a mother, wife, daughter, lover, confidante, and professional working woman. | bring to bear my education, observation, experience, character, and intuition 1 helieve we have not yet seen the tip of the human psychic iceberg We harbor infinite spaces of uncouscious knowledge, genetic memory, reincarnational knowl edge T believe we operate on two primary levels the level of the higher self, our heacon, and the level of the lower self, our personality The higher self is wiser and less hung- up. The personality is earthbound and has the usual problems we all face The higher self is the storehouse, synthesiser, and guiding light of our many lives and personal- ities Tt decides, within certain universal laws we have not yet deciphered, what ex- periences it needs in its next lifetime on earth. Though the beacon’s purpose is always to eyolve into a more positive, loving, and complete being, the personality usually runs into conflicts Tam an optimist and belicve we are all on a path of evolution that we want to make positive. We don’t always succeed, and as a result, we sometimes slide backward. It is nevertheless the central task of life to choose among our options and design the right kinds of experiences to accomplish our present tasks and evolve toward the Cosmic Woman. ‘The experiences we need, no matter how difficult, are those that will move us along our path. Sometimes we slip; sometimes we fly Personally, I think it is the negate energy of guilt, fear, and repressed anger that keeps us from soaring. That's why it’s important to he able to identify it and learn ways to eliminate it in ourselves. ach person is a combination of many factors We are in constant change and motion. I believe, as do many physicists, that once we understand the structure of the atom we will have the key that unlocks the secrets of the universe. [ also believe that if we come to know and love ourscles and others, we will have the key to the purpose of life Love is the source of our power and creativity. Love is the basis of Sex Signs. The Chapters In every chapter, there is an analysis of psychological character, the changing cycles of human need, selfesteem, sexual character and needs, ability to cope with anger, choices of mates for love and marriage (at times completely different), the need and capacity for personal growth, and alternative lifestyles. In the psychological analysis there is advice on recognizing strengths and weaknesses, with suggestions for adjust- ing the latter There are answers to such questions as: How can Aries learn to disclose emotional vulnerability? How can Gemini take advantage of her constant need for variety and stimulation? How can Scorpio best channel her immense power needs? How can Capricorn halance professional goals with a good home life? Fach type is strongly individual in value structure, need for security, and depend-xxii InTRODUCTION ence/autonomy demands. I map the evolutionary changes in these factors as a woman goes through the cycles of her life. For example, it is helpful for Aries to be aware of her slow emotional maturation, for Capricorn to know that her happiness will increase throughout her life, and for Pisces to anticipate a wandering eye later on. It helps women to know that they share certain problems and qualities with others ‘Comments on self-esteem appear in each chapter, for this is the foundation of growth, intimacy, and love. Without loving oncself, one cannot love others. This book features advice on how to gauge one's selfesteem and how to increase it Just as each woman differs from the next in psychological makeup, each differs in sexual character. A woman who understands her own sexuality will be more com- fortable with herself and her love partners, What are her sexual needs? How does she cope with guilt and experience pleasure? Sex is communication. IL is one of our greatest pleasures, But for many of us the sexual experience is dulled because our culture educates us out of pleasurable sharing. We have learned to turn sex into the dumping ground in our relationships. Sel knowledge and new skills to hui can help us turn that tendency around Anger and sex are closely aligned. The anger we cannot handle positively expresses itself in the damage it docs to healthy sex. I discuss anger, its relationship to sexual behavior and communication for each type of woman, and | include individual ways to focus anger constructively. Uncontrolled anger can and does take many forms: power struggles with a partner, competitiveness, hostility, inability to reach orgasm, and lack of sexual desire, among other sexual problems. Each type of woman is advised how to express and release anger. The thirteenth chapter explains how to make anger work for her and harness it as an aid in her life partnerships. For each type of woman there is a mate most suitable as marriage partner, father of her children, and, should she wish, provider. There are others who may be right for a pre-, post-, or extramarital relationship I examine, for example, how Aries can meet her need for stability as well as for excitement, how Sagitiarius can cope with wanderlust, how Aquarius may react to intimate friendships, how Pisces can overcome her tendency to clinging dependency. Self knowledge can illuminate options beyond the normal scope of romance, mar- riage, and divorce. Accordingly, I also discuss these optons. The final segment of each chapter covers, for the first time in astrology, alternative lifestyles beyond mo- nogamy. It discusses the needs of each human regarding personal growth and inti- macy; it analyzes changing sexual needs and assesses the advisability of each lifestyle. For example, there are women committed to a lifetime of sexual and emotional ex- clusivity with another. I want also to acknowledge thosc women whose emotional and sexual needs are not met by tradidonal monogamy Some need separate, different partners for romance and marriage. Others require experimentation, free from dead- ening guilt, with a number of romantic liaisons. For women, Sex Signs contains valuable clues to self-knowledge, selfestcem, and the development of sexual and social potential, For men, Sex Signs offers insight into women and into their own femaleness. I hope and believe that all who wish to increase their capacity for love, sexual pleasure, health, and happiness will profit from this book.INTRODUCTION xxiii Dates for Sun Signs ARIES March 21/22 to April 20 TAURUS April 21 to May 21 GEMINI May 22 to June 21/22 CANCER June 22/23 to July 22/23 LEO July 23/24 to August 23/24 VIRGO ‘August 24/25 to September 23 LIBRA September 24 to October 23/24 SCORPIO October 24/25 to November 22/23 SAGITTARIUS — November 23/24 to December 21/22 CAPRICORN —_ December 22/23 to January 20/21 AQUARIUS, January 21/22 to Fehruary 18/19 PISCES, February 19/20 to March 18/19 The above list of dates is used in traditional sun sign astrology to determine the sign under which one is born. Too often the image seems to be cast in stone and does not fit the evolving characteristics of a person at a parucular time. There are many good reasons for this. Other factors besides the position of the cun may be exerting a strong influence upon a person’s development. A strong ascendant, plan- clary aspects. cycle of the moon. or various combinations may overide the effect of the natal sun. A person may go into a phase that is more akin to another sun sign and proceed with that cycle until it reaches its natural conclusion. For example, a person born under Taurus may act like a Leo and assume many of the characteristics associated with that sign until the Leo phases is ended and the Taurus personality reemerges, modified to be sure by the lessons of Leo behavior. So it is with all of the signs; they are in a constant state of flux. It is very important to know just where one is in the process. To be aware is to know yourself. This is the aim of astrology and psychology—to increase awareness of the self. ‘The following chapters represent the thirteen composite archetypes that have been constructed of various elements—sun signs, moon signs, rising signs, planetary ruler ships and aspects—to assist a person in locating the phase or combination of phases that they may be experiencing at a particular time. If thirty of the characteristics listed at the beginning of each of the chapters seems to fit your honest appraisal of yourself, chances are that some of your planets are touching the universal archetype of that constellation. The Cosmic Woman represents a person that has mastered all of the lessons of the Zodiac and has experienced a complete evolution into a cosmic being If she appears to be too good to be real, don’t despair, for she does exist. Just keep an open mind and learn to flow with the changes that are constantly taking place in your life Once you have attuned yourself to the stars, it is surprising how rapidly you evolve.12. 13. CHLCKLIST OF Note: This checklist describes the units of one phase only; if jt doesn't seem to fit you, cheek other lists to find the phase you ate in right now. Highly Motivated Pioneering Icader Needs Challenge Strong Personality Fortunate Positive, Optimistic A Winner Rebellious Tosensitive Risk Taker Impatient Impulsive Competitive 14, 15 16. 17. 18 19. 20. 21. 22. 23 24, Dotninant Responsible Achieving “Masculine” or Just Different Androgynous Exuroverted Easily Angered Ligh Selfestcem Good Sense of Hurno1 Detached Selfish High ARIES TRAITS Proud Dislikes Derails Arrogant Blunt Fasily Bored Dynamic Charismatic Catalyst Hunuess IdealistSEX STGNS ARIES PERSONALITY General Traits and Background IN HER RELATIONSHIPS, in love, in work, the Aries Woman demands challenge. She is dynamic and energetic, and she usually feels impelled to make an impact, to create change. She likes to be influential as the head of a household or business and tends to be outgoing, with a zest for living, She is frequently competitive, expecting to be first and hoping to be best in any endeavor she undertakes She possesses the courage to tackle most situations and may be able to turn what many would regard as failure into a critical lesson in growth. Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac, Cardinal Fire; its planetary ruler is Mars. The Aries Woman, born in springtime, seems to possess the tough will of a seed that must push through the frozen ground, survive, and bloom. Like the other two fire signs, Leo and Sagittarius, Aries tends to be optimistic, buoyant, fiery, dominant, gutsy, flamboyant, demanding, easily bored, inconsistent, foolish and irrational at times, usually charming, and inexhaustibly enthusiastic. Mars being the mythological god of war, the Arics Woman is also at home as a combatant, compeutor, debater, or pioneer; she is frequently what society considers masculine in her manner, appearance, or way of thinking. Scarlett O’Hara is an example of the Aries type—optimistic, passionate, and some- times tough to get along with. A survivor though foolishly impulsive, proud to an extreme and fond of challenge, Scarlet glows and rages, fascinates and repulses us. One can dislike her, one can find her irresistible, but one cannot ignore her. She is her own worst enemy, but in the end she endures. She even manages to convince her andience that tragedy can be a way of life, that winning is a wholly subjective experience To the Aries Woman, being a winner counts heavily indeed. A woman is the Aries dpe if she is described by thirty or more of the adjectives on the Checklist of Aries Traits. She need not have been born an Aries (sun in Aries) in order to be an Aries-type woman. A woman need have no planets in the sign of Aries to be going through an Aries phase The Aries phase of a woman’s growth is characterized by the following: 1, Rash, impulsive decision making. 2. A completely new start in life, or multiple new starts (often involving a busi- ness enterprise) 3. Headstrong and/or rebellious attitudes, especially if these are replacing for merly cooperative ones. 4. A highly motivated and stubborn search for independence utilizing avenues véhich are more likely to be “masculine” than traditionally feminine (for ex- ample, a woman who goes back to school in middle age to study law, or who switches careers though it is highly inconvenient to others). 5. The conscious setting of new challenges, usually in both personal and profes- sional life 6. A feeling of just batting one's head against the wall, accompanied by a resis- tance to giving up regardless of what anyone else says; stubborn, unyielding, rebellious, or autonomous thinking. 7. Any medical problems or injuries which repeatedly occur on the head (this indicates an Aries influence but does not by itself mean an Aries phase).ARIES 3 ‘The Aries Woman is usually an eternal optimist. facing many exhausting starts and stops with strength. Tomorrow is indeed another day for her, as it has ever been for Gone With the Wind's Scarlett. Highly Motivated, Pioneering Leader, Needs Challenge ‘The Aries Woman is frequently capable of running more than five things ata ime and often does so. She is typically born with an intense drive to succeed, an impatient compulsion to rise to the top. She usually has a need to prove herself, to have control over a situation, and together these traits enable her to find management posiuons quickly. Only Saturn-ruled, ultra-ambitious Capricorn joins the ranks of leaders as consistently, though perhaps not as fast, as the Aries Woman. In order to function at optimum capacity, the Aries Woman needs to be mentally challenged. Her mind is usually her strongest point, though she may also be physically powerful and is often very attractive. Aries is seldom lazy and often feels compelled to do, accomplish, produce. If she is merely sitting, she may feel unproductive and become frustrated or begin to brood. She must constantly exercise her mind and her options in the society at large. She needs to know she can externalize her impulse for leadership and action, sooner or later finding dynamic outlets for her ambition and frequently remarkable iniuative. In her private life, the Aries Woman needs to be challenged to grow She must learn to release control from ume to time and to be willing to show her weaknesses as well as her strengths. Strong Personality One thing about Aries that no one will dispute is that she is likely to stand out because of her zany clothes, her confident stride, her dominating body language, or her loud, booming voice. Whatever the means, she attracts attention naturally. If she is the rare shy Aries, she will still find a way to seem odd enough to be noticed. Her personal magnetism, coupled with vibrant energy and an indomitable spirit help her overcome and face change with courage. People sense this about her and often look to her for guidance or leadership, roles she is likely to accept. Fortunate The Aries Woman frequently makes her own Inck, as well as her own misery. She seems to have a sort of cosmic protective mechanism that helps those who help them- selves. In her case, as her luck would have it, she keeps the mechanism working by thorough preparation and by taking advantage of the opportunities that present themselves4 SEX STGRS Positive, Optimistic, a Winner Part of her good fortune, as well as part of her strength, comes from her inborn optimism, Lady Aries is frequently a winner in the stakes of life. She is bound to have set and met her own obstacle course. Deep down, she believes she ¢an lick just about anything, and she often does. She manufactures her own sunshine and can usually lighten a tale of woe. Friends often count on her to cheer them up, and even con- firmed pessimists tend to smile at the childlike optimism with which she greets life. Rebellious, Insensitive, Risk Taker The Aries Woman is frequently short on compassion and sensitivity. Let others take care of themselves, she may say. She often finds it difficult to empathize with people's troubles, instead dismissing them with a wave of her hand as mere temporary setbacks She may need to respect others’ feelings more, to tone down her internal cacophony and hear their music. Her need for sumulation may be so potent that it outweighs her need for security. This may enable her to take risks remarkably easily, but it may also make her harsh, insensitive to another person's concern with safety She herself is apt to find such thoughts too constraining She typically hatcs limitation, sometimes rebelling against conventions her parents and society consider necessary to the upbringing of a “good girl.”” She seldom wants to learn how to nurture people in the stereotypical feminine sense of the word; she may resent staying home to bake cookies, do the household chores, and quietly support her man Details are not usually her forte, nor is self- effacing supportiveness. Impatient, Impulsive ‘The Aries Woman marches to hei own beat and is often reluctant to assume dis- cipleship as a prelude to leadership. Especially when young, she would rather pole- vault than climb. For example, at an airline counter or a personnel office, she may be so i that she doesn’t care who is in line or what their needs are. ‘These me-first moves may get her what she wants on a short-term basis. she may be first to purchase a ticket or land an interview. But it is likely that in the long run she alienates the very people who may be more important than that ticket, However, her personal, immediate needs often act on her with such speed and force that she forgets other considerations. The Aries Woman can block herself by acting impulsively fon shortterm needs, secking their satisfaction alone and rejecting compromises. A grave danger of her impatience is that it may make her skip through experiences too quickly, especially early in life. She has a tendency to stay on the surface and not dwell in the depths. At times it may be necessary for Aries to sift through her emotions and live through an experience more fully. patientARILS 5 Competitive, Dominant, Responsible The Aries Woman has a potent chemistry, a powerful impact. high-frequency vk brations, intelligence, and strong will power Her mental horizons are generally broad, and she may get scattered. She tends to resist the limitations society has put on women, often preferring to run free, live untrammeled. She almost universally sceks to relate to men as equals and to achieve on the same level. She has an opti mistic view of the world and may regard it as a sewing in which to prove herself in many roles She typically wants to compete and win without playing games of sub- mission She knows there are games and may consider them a waste of time. And if there are rules to the games, she would rather make them up herself. The Aries Woman is willing to take total responsibility for running a home, a busi- ness, or a life. When she tries to run not only her own life but the lives of those around her, she can unknowingly create interpersona) problems But this same ten- dency ensures her access to the business world and the world of high finance. Achieving Classical astrology teaches that Aries types are pioneers, and this is truc, But today’s Arics Woman must decide how to cope with this inborn trait and live with it happily in a male-dominated world. It is very important to accept one’s inherent qualities, negative as well as positive. In the case of the Aries Woman, it is important that she acknowledge her own im- patience, her selfishness, her tendency to thrust herself headlong into an experience and then rush out of it It is important that she accept these traits as part of her, peculiar to her self and her Aries heritage, Once accepted, they can be put to highly positive uses. As an entrepreneur or pioneer she may have conflicts about traditional female roles, but the Aries Woman also has tremendous potential for accomplishment and individual achievement. “Masculine”? or Just Different, Androgynous ‘The Arics Woman is frequently subconsciously aware of feeling somehow different from other women. Sometimes she is comfortable with this awareness and uses it to her advantage. More often, she experiences it as a kind of emotional exile. Born in a female body, she very often has what we call a male consciousness. The Aries Woman is born to a difficult task. If she wants it, hers is the challenge of creating the twentieth-century model of androgynous behavior The word androg- ynous comes from the Greek words andro (“male”) and gyne ("female"). To a certain degree we are all androgynous, but the Aries Woman has an exceptionally well developed male side. She is thus capable very early in her development of uniting and synthesizing important aspects of the male and female in one body and person- ality. Carl Jung, the great Swiss psychiatrist who studied with Freud before branching into astrology and metaphysics, believed that everyone has a contrasexual inner part- ner. His theory has had a major impact on our understanding of the human psyche.6 SEX SIGNS Jung taught that inside every man is a woman, He called her the anima, or inner feminine partner who acts as a man’s guiding spirit and puts him in touch with his deepest feminine instincts. As long as the anima is repressed (as it appears to be most Western men), the man projects his femininity onto the woman with whom he ig most closely involved emotionally. She then carries all the subconscious projections of his affective (feminine) needs and complexes. Jung also believed that every woman has an animus, an inner male partner repre- senting “masculine” needs such as action, achievement, and logic. Repressed, the animus is projected onto the man in her life, much as a spotlight projects colors on a screen. The most special man—father, lover, or husband—is the screen for the repressed needs of her animus. In practical terms, this means that women, until they mature into seltknowledge, expect men to live out their own repressed needs for acuon, achievement, power, aggression, or independence. What distinguishes the Aries Woman is that she is closer than most to her own animus. She is frequently able to be active, powerful, achieving. On the other hand, she is frequently unable to be receptive, passive, and emotionally vulnerable. The task of integration is everyone's task. The challenge for Aries is to learn to be more “feminine.” Extroverted, Easily Angered The unconscious repression of anger, guilt, or fear can create illness. No one can truly enjoy life or sustain love and creative achievement without reducing and elimi- nating negative emotions. Different women react in different ways to emotional stress and restrictive pressures. Pisces tends to daydream and overindulge in drink or drugs; Sagittarius may travel; Virgo may overwork; Taurus may collect; and Cancer may eat. Aries mostly reacts by fighting back. She is easily frustrated and angered, and she often flies off the handle. ‘The Aries Woman tends to be naturally extroverted and able to blow off steam, an advantage when it comes to releasing negative emotions. She is usually proud and self-righteous, often finding it easier to show anger than hurt, She is likely to override her guilt about hurting someone and vent her frustrations readily, resembling a child who expects to be excused on the basis of high spirits or inexperience High Self-esteem, Good Sense of Humor, Detached The Aries Woman is normally quite self-confident, often courageous, and goes after what she wants. Everyone has pangs of anxiety and suffers from fits of insecurity, and she is no exception: but her fears usually fuel, not block. her drive to prove herself. “Get on with it’—no matter what the cost or consequences—is frequently her motto She consolidates her self-esteem through action and the exercise of leadership. If she opts for a career outside the home, she tends to do so out of a deep need—to carn full self-respect. She tends to have a fine sense of humor. She likes to laugh and see the absurd side of life. Existential nightmares are not her cup of tea, and she is unlikely to feel sorry for any character patient enough to do nothing but wait for Godot To Aries, involvement in life is essential, and it seems to her that one can hardly accomplishARIES 7 that without laughter. Her pride may be the only stumbling block that prevents her from laughing gaily at herself as well. Her sense of humor may sometimes serve to keep her detached from details and from other people’s troubles. Aries frequently feels more than a touch of arrogance and superiority, and she may use her humor to shield herself from the complications of the world at large. Selfish, Proud ‘The Aries Woman, like all fire types, is normally quite selfish. Her insensitivity and impatience may diminish as she matures. Intuitive, perceptive, and proud, she tends to overestimate her own talents. She may go through life with a thinly disguised god complex and a conveniently hazy memory for the frailties of human nature, above all her own. Under her extroverted expressiveness lies a basic wait that may impede her growth—pride. On the positive side, it may help her to resist failure and defeat. On the negative side, she may manipulate feelings and people to make it appear that she never loses. She must remember that pride is double-edged and wy to use it in an affirmative way. High Libido, Dislikes Details Early in life, the typical Aries Woman feels unable or unwilling to shoulder heavy emotional involvements, She wants few responsibilities and is apt to cast off restric tions or obligations almost on principle. Rather than expose herself to pain, she may mush on, frustrated and impatient, She will almost surely bail ont of those relauonships that promise growth only after struggle and confrontation with her deeper self. This tends to change in her thirties, when she may be more tolerant. She may search for the best, fastest, and most unique love and sex experiences around, but she seldom stops long enough to give people a second chance. She is a quick study and a quick judge but can make some bad mistakes. Though she is loyal once she settles on a commitment. if a Niagara of cnergy does not flow in her direc- tion, she may just wander off on more adventurous pathways. She has the passion and appetite for living that the French call joie de vivre. Her goal in life is not only to survive but to climb every mountain and test every peak. Arrogant, Blunt, Easily Bored Woman may feel that she knows more and knows it better than most, that she should be first and be unquestionably accepted as best. By viewing herself in permanent competition with others, and by gauging herself in terms of an illusory perfection, she puts herself under a lot of pressure. She tends to be extremely hard on herself and demanding of others She is usually frank, blunt, and quick-spoken. She dislikes beating around the bush. If you don’t really want an answer to a question you ask Aries, I advise you not to8 SEX S1G s ask. She tends to answer the most embarrassing questions with ofien embarrassing answers, even on occasions when not asked Putting her foot in her mouth is an Aries pastime, and discretion is rarely her preferred mode of communication. Aries also dislikes secrets, and devious Scorpio is a challenge to her and tends to drive her to distracon When Aries feels that she is not “in the know,” she can be insufferable with her relentless questions or sauncal observations, all designed to ferret out the desired information. ‘The Aries Woman generally cannot stand being left out, nor can she tolerate bore- dom. She will sometimes go to extremes to shake up a scene that appears pleasantly tranquil to others but that she experiences as dangerously sufling She seems const- tutionally opposed to restrictions and considers boredom the biggest drain on her energies. Dynamic, Charismatic, Catalyst Some may find Aries difficult to live with, but she is usually the most exciting person around, and a very good friend. A flattering description of her is “dynamic,” though others may call her pushy In any case, the Aries Woman has that indefinable some- thing we call charisma. Energetic and vital, she often attracts people who are bored or depressed, more resigned to routine than she is, and can turn them on to life again. She is frequently a catalyst even before she knows what the word means. As a teacher, she may inspire her pupils to think in fresh ways As a patent, she may raise her children to be independent and capable of originality. As a woman, she may choose a lifestyle, or more than one, that is not the norm By defying social conven- tion, she can show others the value of being a ram rather than an unquestioning sheep. Huntress, Idealist The Aries Woman tends to like the chase as much or more than the conquest, She is not usually interested in possession, either, preferring the free-spirited, unham- pered path of the trailblazer. She may idealistically believe that a new world is coming and that we do better to look ahead rather than backwards. No matte: how harsh the present seems, Aries can usually pull herself out of the doldrums, resist the pop- ular “it ain't worth it” philosophy, and go back to the barricades to fight for her cause. Aries usually pursues the positive path and is capable of bringing joy to many people. ARIES RELATIONSHIPS ‘The Aries Woman usually makes a complex, demanding, passionate mate and part- ner. She has the potential to create a finely tuned, balanced, exciting, offbeat rela- tionship. Like Don Quixote, she is forever searching for an ideal. Where romance is concerned, Aries believes in giving but also wants the moon.ARTES 9 She tends to become overinvolved with people and projects because she thinks this is giving. She may overdo to show her independence and separate identity, but her excesses may also be an avenue of escape from intimacy. She may unconsciously desire a relationship where no one is labeled strong or weak, where each partner is a leader. “All chiefs and no Indians” appeals to her, and she may test a man mercilessly on his own leadership powers. For the Aries Woman love is often a battleground. One can usually tell if she cares by the degree to which she argues. If she disagrees with her man over strategy, details, philosophy, love, life, and work, he can relax. This is her prelude to seduction She more often than not gains energy from lovers’ spats and the contest of wills. Watch out, however, for lack of interest or absent-mindedness, for they are signs that she is getting ready to move on. Aries often dominates her early sexual relationships. In the first part of her life, she tends to be assertive, even masculine, and may be out of touch with her receptivity, vulnerability, and tender side. Her dependencies are usually deeply buried and may be projected onto men While she needs proof of love from others, she can seldom ask for it or give it. She probably has not yet learned to nurture herself and others on the deepest feeling levels. The Aries Woman, like other fire signs, tends to be loyal and sweepingly generous, but she needs partners as assertive as she is, partners who demand respect, sensitivity, and equal rights. She must be mentally sparked to be physically turned on, She usually needs lots of space, freedom to change and experiment, to set and meet new chal- lenges. She will remain loyal to anyone or anything as long as the relationship remains exciting, as long as there is mutual respect, and as long as she feels the potential for more inner and outer territories to explore and conquer In love, friendship, and marriage, the Aries Woman ideally wants to be totally in- yolved, both sexually and emotionally, but it may take her decades to find out how. Usually it is not until her thirtics or later that she learns what she truly wants and ecds in love and partnerships. And it generally takes her just as long to find out what she is willing to give. It will often take a wrenching effort for her to learn to replace her “me, myself, and I’ mode of relating with a relationship characterized by mutuality Childhood The Aries Woman often grows up identifying with male role models and is usually closer to her father than to her mother. She is often a tomboy and frequently resents being a girl She may prefer climbing trees with the boys or rcading in private to gabbing with her girl friends. All her life she may trust males more than females and feel she understands men better. When her breasts begin to develop and her fe- maleness becomes inescapably apparent, she may develop a complex about some part of her body. She may throw herself into her studies more than ever and become known as an "intellectual." Some Aries girls prefer being the class “brain” to being sexually attractive, though they may harbor a secret desire to be a sex symbol. The Aries girl is often angry and frustrated throughout adolescence and may find it difficult to accept that she must grow into a woman, with all that means in our culture. She may be the originator of dutch dates. Conversely, she may decide 10 flaunt her sexuality and use men, Her hostilities may come out in attempts to dom- inate people or, more constructively, in various leadership positions at school.10 SEX STGNS Margaret is a case in point She grew up an only child, the apple of her father's eye He treated her more as a son than as a daughter. When Margaret came to sce me she was twenty-four, married, mother of two children, and head of various vol- unteer organizations in her neighborhood. A vivacious, large brunette, she had an engaging laugh, frank and inquisitive eyes, and a nervous habit of twisting Kleenex during our sessions. It seemed to me she wanted to cry, and the wadding of tissues was as good a substitute as any teddy bear. She had decided to seek counseling, she said, because she felt that her energies were scattered, that she was unclear about her goals, and that she was more hostile than her facade indicated. I grew up being called by boys’ names by iny father. He loved me, but I had the feeling it was a conditional love He wanted me to be outstanding in sports and in school, and the silent message was that being a girl was somehow a handicap My mother didn’t help me much either. She was busy trying to live her own life and thought I pretty much lived my own. Well, I did have my own life, structured, defined, and fairly under control. In fact, it seems to me that my life has been overcontrolled. Even now, everthing seems to be running so smoothly that I question it. don’t know whether I am bored, naive, or if I just don't recognize my own good fortune, I have two lovely children, a good husband, and a stable marriage I am respected by the family and people in our neighborhood. I think | am a good wife and mother I don't think I have been a good daughter, however. I feel Tet my father down because Tam not “the best,” a professional, achievement- oriented woman I also think I Iet my mother down, tor we have never been able to get mother/daughter close She may have tried. I think I've always resented her for not giving me more mothering in my growing years. 1 wasn’t sure what was really bothering Margaret, so 1 asked for more information about her adolescence. L was a model child until I turned about twelve. Then everything changed. My father pushed me more than ever to prove mysclf I continued to get the best grades but became increasingly resentful, and L began to feel that T wasn’t respected for just being me, that I constantly had to produce in order (0 earn. his love. I rebelled by becoming very sexy I started smoking, staying out late, and flaunting cverything I had. The more unhappy my parents became. the more uncomfortable I got, but Lwonldn’t admit it. Something was driving me to rebellion, and it seems to me I still haven't got it out of my system In the course of psycho-astrological therapy, Margaret focused on what it meant to her to be a woman. She had very mixed feelings about it. She could play the roles required of her, but inside she was still frustrated and angry. She also felt somewhat guilty about it, though she pretended to dismiss this aspect with cheezy Aries indif- ference. It seemed to me that Margaret had never resolved her own feelings about her sexuality and femininity. Her wild swings between being a bright student and Daddy's “son” and being a provocative, sexy high school girl had not been harmonized. She seemed to feel deep down that she had to “earn” people's love, that she had to be brainy. Though she had taken a traditional feminine route, in some way she found it unacceptable to be a woman. Daddy had taught her that to be a female meantARTES W being a second-class being playful, sexy, and sensual was rebellious behavior and carried liule significance in the real world Margaret explored her sexual feelings with her husband. Unfortunately, he could not accept the fact that his “solid citizen" wife was suddenly questioning the validity of her way of life. Eventually they were divorced. For a while Margaret saw only women and told me later that for the first ume in her life, she was in touch with all the various shades and subtleties of being female. Her lifestyle in a gay commune was in complete contrast to her situation when we first met. Later still, she remarried and opened her own business How the Aries Woman Relates: Lovers and Other Intimates ‘The Aries Woman in general relates better to men than to women. Many a romance starts as a friendship and then becomes a working relationship. She usually needs to be mentally stimulated in order to be physically turned on more than once by the same man ‘The Aries Woman is capable of stripping a male of his ego wrappings and the protective symbols of his masculinity. The fact that she has a female body and a more or less male way of thinking gives her the edge in getting inside a man, At her worst, she may use what she knows to control and dominate him At her best, she can build a rare camaraderie with him. She needs a large arena to show her strength, and she would rather risk a loss than not try at all. She usually needs a partner or lover who is active and involved or she may have trouble respecting him; and she may also want a basis on which to tcst him other than his performance in bed. The Aries Woman tends to be intensely competitive with those she likes or loves and to disdain losers. This combination puts her, as well as those she relates to, in a double bind. If she wins, she may lose respect for a friend or lover and end the relationship If she loses, the same thing may happen for different reasons. Like a spoiled child, she wants her way and wants it now. She is arrogant, frank, and inquisitive. She usually wants to be reassured by the man she has chosen that she is first and best, and she shuns a relationship in which she feels unappreciated or without control She respects power more than submissiveness, bluntness more than discretion. She demands a lot, gives some, and will always try to win. Until she finds true love, she often gets her greatest pleasure from hunting and being in control. She frequently enjoys putting the moves on and pursuing her quarry. She may think nothing of going after a man, and she gets a kick out of running everything, even the lovemaking. But much of this behavior may be bravado or acting, almost a challenge to herself—a self-focused taining course in how to overcome and win. A principal trouble spot for Aries is likely to be her partner's resentment at her attempts to run the relationship. She is almost always mystified and challenged by, yet fearful of, people who can see her vulnerabilities. She may secretly want a man who will discover, explore, and love her hidden self, one to whom she can surren- der—but when she finds him, she will almost surely try to dominate him, outwit him, and fight him to the utmost!12 SEX SIGNS The Aries Woman in Love At the beginning of a romance, the Aries Woman can intrigue and attraet almost any man. She has unusual charm and magnetism, a penewating mind, an appealing, fresh honesty, a strong will, and a powerful ‘‘aura."* She is usually perceptive, honest, disdainful of pretense. She deals directly and tends to confront men about hypocritical attitudes, sex roles that create inequality, and habits that result in boredom and the deadening of relationships. ‘The Aries Woman usually falls in love easily and is often more in love with the idea ‘of movement and excitement than with the man himself Sometimes he may be in- cidental to her needs, just a temporary partner in a sexual adventure currendy labeled love. She may find it difficult to discriminate between long-lasting love and infatuation. Since she tends to resist deeper self knowledge, she is frequently victimized by her own misconceptions. I have met Aries women in their forties who admit that they know little about their underlying motives and still make choices as impulsively as ever. If she is lucky, the Aries Woman finds a man with whom she can settle for quite some time. If not, she is bound to experience a variety of upsets in her love life, though these seldom block her quixotic search. When she is lastingly in love, the Aries Woman blooms like a rare flower She glows with vitality, elan, and pride Her energy doubles (if possible), and her happiness is infectious. For probably the first time in her life, she begins to know the pleasure of being receptive. Aries in love is compelling, throwing herself totally into the experience. She may go through a very basic reevaluation of herself and her values as a result of love She ‘opens her senses and feelings more fully. She may become more patient, sensuous, and selfindulgent. She is also apt to indulge others more and become tolerant for the first time Her perspecuve of time changes as she begins to understand why so many people enjoy luxuriaung in the moment, how lovemaking can slow one down and be all-encompassing. She may try to live a more unscheduled life and enjoy the fact that there are no deadlines in love. Aries in love learns how to give as well as how to receive. Love teaches her how to consider another's needs and feelings as important as her own. At the same time, she may learn to allow her individuality to bloom in the hothouse atmosphere of sharing. She is apt to have distrusted partnership previously, fearing it would bar her individual progress. Even when she is in love, the Aries Woman is unlikely to lose sight of her demands. She wants and needs a very particular type of man in order to make the relationship work in the long run. What Kind of Lover She Needs A man who isn’t completely sure of his masculinity and strength should probably not tangle with the Aries Woman. A man who is not willing or ready to confront issues and emotions should also avoid her. On the other hand, a man who is aware of his own humanity and above all wishes to be challenged in order to grow is invited to enter a relauonship with Aries. A man who offers her emotional support, who helps her to admit and embrace her weaknesses, who truly wants a woman with theARTES 13, potential to be a whole, independent being—this is a man the Aries woman can love and who can keep her forever as a lover or friend. Everyone needs lovers and friends who provide bridges to feelings that are waiting to be freed. The Aries Woman needs a partner who can tolerate psychic warfare, one who accepts the energy of anger and assertion as easily as the energy of love She needs a lover who can sce behind her mask of roughyess to bring out the softness underneath, a man strong enough to be sensitive, a man who is threatened neither by his own dependence needs or by her projected ones To love the Aries Woman means to perform a constant balancing act between her demand to be first and the demands imposed by work and by other intimates. In return, however, she can raise a man’s spirits sky-high. The lucky man who survives the initial testing will be made to feel he is the most special creature walking the earth, And in the heart of his Aries Woman, he surely is! Patterns in the Aries Woman’s Sexual Relationships In her sexual relationships, the Aries Woman tends to display the f& (which, to some extent, apply to platonic ties as well). She probably dabbles in early sexual experiments. She may be a tomboy or be “masculine” in her thinking and at times in her clothing, but she is always vital and magnetic. She is likely to be fascinated with sex and consider it as much a female as a male prerogative (this view may be ahead of the times). She often marries early, impulsively, passionately, and to the wrong man. She is bound to give it a valiant ty, however, and may stick it out because of a sense of responsibility. She may also feel she is teaching herself a lesson in patience (this is not necessarily the best means, in my opinion). Often she finds that love and sex do not necessarily coincide in her life. If she is happy with her mate, she is bound to be monogamous. If not, she is bound to play around but less likely to experience guilt than many women. The Aries Woman is likely to experience true love at least once in her life, often in a premarital or postmarital context. She may choose a husband who is not her romantic ideal but is a good provider She is usually able to find solutions to problems in her lifestyle. She may be involved in a fulfilling career and use it as an outlet for love problems. She may be able to change cnough to make her marriage or relationship work If she divorces, generally she allows herself a good long time before tying the knot again. She tends to enjoy her freedom and likes to operate independently. lowing patterns What Aries Needs to Learn The Aries Woman needs to confront her own tendency to repress weakness and make others responsible. She must stop testing her men and begin to assume half the responsibility for failure or loss of direction in the relationship. She must avoid blaming the man she loves for not being “‘strong” enough. She needs to learn to listen more sensitively and to become more patient. Above all, she must be aware of14 Ss .Lx SIGNS and overcome her tendency to disclose only so much and to Uy to control much more. To make relationships work, she must live and let live. She must learn to respect and accept another's rhythm, pace, melody. She must eventually learn that she can be receptive without feeling inferior, soft without succumbing to weakness, and un- demanding without fearing lack of response When she learns to flow, when she realizes that letting it happen is often better than making it happen, relationships will work. To be truly autonomous, the Aries Woman must recognize and open up the re- pressed feminine side of her nature. To be truly strong, she must recognize and embrace her own vulnerability. Slowly she must look inside and see that what usually underlies her frantic pace and her demands is the fear of letting others in, the fear of letting go emotionally. When she feels safe in a relationship, she may be ready to inidate some changes. She may then give in to her need to be taken care of, (0 be stroked, to receive gifts of love and fantasy to weave into new patterns The Aries Woman must learn to ask for love and assistance when she needs it. She finds it easier to ask for practical help, though this too may be a minor blow to her pride But asking for emotional suppost she may consider tantamount to admiting that there is something fundamentally wrong. Fire signs who have high energy pat terns and live by constantly running, giving, controlling, and seldom receiving can burn out too early. The Aries Woman who docs confront her deep fears and who begins to share without resistance may be pleasantly surprised. She may find out that what she called love or friendship until then was only an imitation of the real thing. ARIES SEXUALITY The Aries Woman approaches sex as she does everything else in life: zestfully, sively. and with total commitment She gives all she has and takes all she can return. She is open to anything—but don’t ask about tomorrow—sexual exclue sivity is not her bag. The challenge of the hunt excites her. Aries is an exceptionally passionate, sensual, and sexual woman. Romantic, erotic, and vain, she needs monumental reassurance from a sexual partner. When she feels insecure, she is jealous and possessive. When she feels secure, she is as loyal as any fixed sign (Taurus, Scorpio, Leo, Aquarius) though still wildly unpredictable. Aries’ sex secret is that while she enjoys being and frequently is sexually dominant, she is secretly hoping for a partner who appreciates and flows with sexuality high- lighted by extreme swings from dominance to passivity, an excepuonally live eroticism, and an equally strong need for mental stimulation to spark and parallel the physical turn-on. Sexual energy can be positive or negative. The Aries Woman flows with dynamism, vibrancy, and power, but when blocked, she is horny, bitchy, impatient, angry, and finally ill. Repressed anger, fear, and guilt anesthetize the female capacity for plea- sure. Aries has an enormous appetite for pleasure. She will try anything once and ap- preciates a man who is openminded. She prefers varied sexual techniques, feathers and fur, velvet and candlelight, fantasy and music, vibrators and leather. Public sex is a secret fantasy, waiting to be fulfilled. The man who can help turn her fantasiesARIES 15 into realities commands her affecuon and loyalty. She looks for a man she can trust enough to exchange fantasies with, and sometimes sexual roles ‘The Aries Woman needs a partner who is highly sensitive and can bring out in ber a receptivity and flow that are not much in evidence during the daily display of fireworks. She wants o be made love to slowly. She prefers partners who do not rush her to a speedy commitment or to the quick completion of intercourse. Lady Antes chases rainbows and makes the world revolve all day, so bed is often the only place where she can relax and go slowly. Aries secks total pleasure, and it is a testimony to her drive that her path is littered with the bodies of those who didn't fit the bill. Secret and adventurous places, exotic haunts, and dangerous territory all lure the Aries Woman. What she finds, she wants; what she wants, she wants to rule. Like the Scorpio Woman, to whom sex means pure power, the experienced Aries Woman choreographs and executes the sex act for a definite purpose. With an eye to the door should the experience be dull or the man weak, she initiates sex and directs it in order to test the male. Will he match her in humor, in willingness to ‘experiment, in ability to change roles? Gan he take over? Can he also lie back and take a passive role? However, Aries experiences plenty of internal conflict. On the one hand, she wants total pleasure and suspects that it ultimately comes through committed emotional bonding On the other, she likes to keep her sexual options open. Mental curiosity, love of discovery, and the desire to test old rules and behavior in new territory never die. The problem of how to have her cake and eat it keeps the Aries Woman occupied. Our culture teaches women especially to find love, sex, and commitment all in the same relationship. The Aries Woman tends to split love and sex. She may have many sexual relationships over the decades, but she will have had few deep emotional bonds It is easier by far for her to engage herself sexually and intellectually than to involve her heart. For some time, she finds it easier to conquer and leave than to stay and explore mutual vulnerabilities. Though capable of loving deeply, she resists her own need to do so. The more the Aries Woman feels emotionally attracted to a man, the more cautiously she pursues the relationship. In bed we are all vulnerable. We have to anticipate “letting it all hang out” sooner or later if we have a good partner. The Aries Woman picks partners slowly and care- fully; she knows that from the start a sexual relationship can present more challenge than she bargained for She may have many partners, but she will have only one true lover at a time. She dislikes routines in anything, including sex She tunes out and turns off if a parmer is applying preconceived, automatic, self-conscious stimulation techniques. Other women may find this a turnoff too, but the Aries Woman is quicker to speak up and leave Describing her connubial lovemaking, one Arics (who stayed with the relationship) said, “I lay there undergoing my husband's ministrations as he mean- dered through his ritual that carried him to orgasm... . All the while, T was mentally ticking off what page of our wel-thumbed marriage manual he was struggling with. I knew that when he got to page 16, he was nearing climax.” This lady solved her problem by having other, much more imaginative and longer-lasting lovers. There are two clear-cut possibilities for the Aries Woman to gain sexual freedom. One is in an anonymous situation, such as a sex party or a one-night stand. The second is when she is truly joined in loving union. Only these extremes really excite her. In the former, she has no investments, and her challenge is to give a great performance. In the latter, she is challenged to express herself totally and join her deepest self to another while maintaining a separate identity.16 SEX SIGNS When Aries really lets go, she turns into a tigress She doesn’t allow fear or guilt to interfere with sexual exchange and gratification. She screams, thrashes, sobs, scratches, and finally exhausts herself in ecstasy Sex becomes the ultimate wip, a cosmic experience. To fully participate in lovemaking, one must utilize all the senses, The Aries Woman js comfortable with vocalizing during lovemaking. She seems to know that sounds enrich communication and conduct sexnal pleasure through the whole body. She must make a conscious effort, however, 10 completely nse her sense of touch Though touch is a key to sensual pleasure for Aries, it isn't too well developed She is too rushed to touch and feel textures around her. She needs to slow down, to caress the bright flowers she already appreciates visually, to rub velvet across ber cheek or brush her partner's hair with her palm She necds 10 1emember to close her eyes and feel the cool texture of satin sheets, the fzry nnbbiness of wool rugs, the wispy delicacy of lace, Though the Aries Woman has to work to use her own sense of touch, she loves to be touched. She Tikes tender, light stroking and a feathery tonch to help her relax and begin lovemaking. Once she gets turned on, she prefers harder stimulation Many an Arics has told me she becomes frnstrated if her partner continnes to caress a breast softly when she would rather have it kneaded. Here, honest communication is the only answer. The sexual cycles of the Aries Woman seem to be related to the fact that hers is the earliest sign of the Zodiac She is most arousable and receptive in the carly hours of the morning. We know from recent research that male sexttal hormones reach a peak at that time. For Aries, it is the most natural time to couple The Aries Woman, like all women, likes a man who knows himself and accepts his sexuality. But she seems to prefer a man who finishes the sex act with hard thrusting, She also prefers a man who allows her freedom of movement while guiding her t receive the full impact of his penetration and his rhythm. The Aries Woman likes aggressive fantasies that involve exhibitionism and power. She often visualizes herself wearing a black garter belt, stockings, and boots, carrying awhip, and acting out a scenario of sexual domination in front of a fienzied audience Another favorite fantasy involves initiations. She loves to initiate women as well as men into scx and to imagine being introduced to a new sexual trip. Group sex and homosexual encounters are frequent fantasy themes. Women who are relaxed about their own sexuality can please themselves with mas- turbation. Since the Aries Woman feels comfortable with her own body, she enjoys masturbation. She also likes to try new sex toys. Dildos, feathers, artificial penises, massagers, benwa balls, leather and bondage outfits—all are potential sexual acces- sories for Aries, ARIES ANGER A major block to healthy sexual expression is anger, which is connected to low self esteem and the feeling of being ineffectual. The struggle for selfesteem and a sense of importance as a person is a basic human concern. Sexuality in an angry relationship is not a source of pleasure, nor is it a basis on which a couple can share growth and build mutual respect Repressed or improperly expressed anger is destructive to sel esteem and to relationships. Anger properly communicated and directed can be a Powerful motivating force, an agent of change, and a personal resourceARIES 17 For the Avies Woman, anger is a time-tested coping mechanism that comes more easily than tears, She uses anger to attack when she feels defensive, to cover inner doubts and fears, and to manipulate her way 10 personal power. What she loses is intimacy Repressed sexuality produces anger. Repressed anger produces inadequate sexual functioning A woman who smiles when she feels like screaming, agrees when she really wants to disagree, or gets a headache whenever the subject of sex is brought up by her partner—inay wind up anorgasmic She often seeks many sex partners in ayain search for satisfaction She psychologically castrates her male partners by never climaxing and sabotages herself by repeatedly putting herself in situations where she can't possibly get what she needs. Love is based not on self-denial but on the affir- ination of self. One who is angry cannot be affirmative. Angry women hold back sexually. Improper or poor sexual stimulation is only a secondary cause for sensory, orgasmic impoverishment. Obviously, ridding onescif of anger is the answer. However, wild fights that grow in volume and frequency ate destructive and are not recommended Conwolled- release fights, the method described by Dr George Bach in The Intimate Enemy, are constructive In these, partners begin with honest. levelheaded statements of their anger and needs and conclude by negotiating for space, change, or compromise. Blowing off steam by beating a mattress or some other inanimate object is also rec ommended unless done with the intent to pmnish or blame the partner. The Aries Woman nsually knows when she's angry, and this puts her in a minority Most people have tronble identifying anger, which is often called depression, maso- chism, or frustration instead. It is essential that people recognize and admit when they are angry and learn ways to share their anger constructively. The Aries Woman in her twenties thinks nothing of expressing anger explosively and manipulatively. She won't hesitare to leave the table in the midst of an argument, walk out, and slam the door—especially if she realizes she is losing the fight. In short, she gets in a rage and mins, attempting to show the party who dared to arouse her who the real boss is. What is missing is the realization that she chow to get angry and the commiiment to work through the anger with the other person. At this stage, she is using anger as a power plov. She is likely to leave many sexual partners dissatisfied until she stops running. In her thirties, the Aries Woman simmers down a bit, She begins to disclose her inner workings to her partner She learns to discuss what makes her angry, to reveal how this relates to childhood experiences, to acknowledge the fears and insecurities her anger covers, She now throws dishes and fights it out right away. She uses her anger as facilitator and intimacy maker, bulldosing psychic walls instcad of raising them. At this point she needs a man who will listen, whose ego can take the periodic explosions, the exploratory conversations, and the heated sex. In her forties, the Aries Woman definitely mellows out. In mid-life, she learns to balance, to get in touch with the opposite Libra qualities: harmonizing the “I'’ and the “We,” cooperating, sharing. She has now accepted anger as a fact of life and has begun to figure out how best to use it as a catalyst. In midJife the Aries Woman is more afraid of loneliness than women with other signs She begins to hunger for a solid union She has created a pattern of destructive and unforgettable exchanges, of stern independence, and she now secs the need to change in order to grow into the Libra nature which makes het complete. She no longer cherishes being in a position. to slam the door on problems and arguments .. particularly if she has no one to Icave behind that door. In her fifties, the Aries Woman bas, to a degree, tamed her anger and made ita18 SEX SIGNS tool for growth. She has finally learned to manage confrontations diplomatically with- out fecling an affront to her natural pride She has learncd that her ego is not enbanced by anger and that significant relationships will not advance to the sound of screeching cars and aggressive, nonproductve warfare The Aries Woman feels her anger is justifiable. She feels superior to the person who makes her angry, and in the heat of the moment it is she who expects an apology. Basically, this reaction stems from her pride. She has difficulty taking any step she believes will leave her in an inferior position. In order to demilitarize her anger, she must recognize those situations where she needs to get angry: to gain energy to change an old situation, to shore up the courage to be honest, to be heard by someone who normally ignores what she has to say. Choosing to be angry is a pragmatic policy that builds self-respect through the aware- ness that a choice has been made. The Aries Woman must recognize that as long as she uses anger as a weapon she cannot expect to have a lasting and sexually potent intimate relationship. She herself must exemplify ca! cludes destructively used anger. ‘A man would have to be brought up very atypically and be exceptionally sensitive and bright to understand the complexities of the Aries Woman’s anger. The burden is on the woman to recognize that in order to build intumacy she must do away with unproductive explosions. I advocate a five-step system to settle differences with a partner while using anger productively. ing behavior, which never in- 1. Decide on a no-fault relationship. No one needs to be blamed or made to feel guilty. 2. Agrce to acknowledge the anger you feel for your partner. Decide not to let anger last for more than a day. Decide not to discuss a major issue when either of you is hurried or under stress. 3. Accept unconditionally your right, as well as your partner's, to be angry. 4. Renounce the right to vent anger hurtfully just to get your way. Learn to say. “Tam angry with you, but you know that I will not attack you " Hurt feelings can be aired without blame and auacks. Be specific, keep your tone even, and do not let one incident contaminate the whole relationship. If you feel unable to keep a level tone, let your anger out first in another room by taking a bat, rubber hose, or pillow and beating on a convenient, unbreakable object 5. Ask for your partner's help in dealing with your anger. No one likes being the sender or receiver of anger, but a coalition is unbeatable. You are enlisting a potential cnemy as a friend. To use this process, the Aries Woman must specifically renounce the idea that relationships are founded on competition and instead embrace the spirit of cooper- ation. She must learn to give up using anger to call the shots or punish a wrongdoer. Finally, she must recognize that inner harmony can be achieved and outer harmony maintained only when she has learned to respect another’s rights as much as her own. When the Aries Woman learns to use anger constructively, as a prelude to change and a pragmatic way of keeping her relationship free of debris, she will be opting for free-flowing sexual energy and the potenual to feel and share total plea~ sure.ARIES 19 ARIES LIFESTYLES Monogamy and Nonmonogamy Monogamy is defined as sexual and emotional exclusivity. Strictly speaking, this makes most Americans, married or not, nonmonogamous, for few people today are emotionally monogamous. But here I will use monogamy in the loose sense, meaning only sexual exclusivity. A woman may be looking for characteristics in a husband different from those she seeks in a lover. The Aries Woman is especially choosy when selecting a provider and father to her children. She knows herself to be capable of grand passions, but she also knows they need to be grounded, Thus, she may choose a husband who fulfills her needs for stability and respect in the cyes of the community, one who is an upholder of form and continuity (not an Aries forte). As a mate, the Aries Woman is ardent, loyal, sentimental, and practical. If she is satisfied with the choice she has made. she may direct her need for excitement into sexual passion with her husband, but the Aries Woman often carries on several pla tonic friendships with men. Her need for people, stimulation, and challenge can be met in multiple relationships that celebrate her multiple selves. ‘The following represent typical situations that could influence the Aries Woman to become nonmonogamous. 1, Need for adventure She is on a trip and is suddenly attracted to someone. She is likely to act on impulse and jump into the expericnce. She suffers no guilt since in her mind this is no reflecton on her marriage. 2. Boredom with husband Sooner or later, the Aries Woman may find that pla- tonic friendships do not fill the vacuum created by the waning of marital passion or by lack of growth in the partner or relationship. Although she can be driven at times into melodramatic and risky affairs, she is far more likely to be revitalized than to be destroyed. 3. Low self-esteem, repressed anger. She may go off on sex hunts to prove her- self, She may disclose her infidelity to her husband at a later date, ostensibly in the name of honest communication Usually, her real aim is to spite him. This is a poor strategy in which sex and anger are simultaneously misused. In the best circumstances, these incidents can serve to open up feelings and to galvanize the partners to take necessary action. 4. Lack of respect for partner. The Aries Woman cannot love someone she does not respect. This situation is deadly and usually means the end of the part nership or marriage in any viable form. If the shell survives, sex will not be an important part of it. The Aries Woman who finds her husband emotionally dependent on her for his survival, much as he was as @ small child with his mother, feels stifled and eventually rebels. She will probably be driven to mul- tiple affairs and seek out a man who is more her match. She will not hesitate to bail out of the original relationship emotionally and legally. Extreme jealousy by the partner. This can drive the Aries Woman to seek less restrictive relationships. She cannot stand to have her independent movement controlled or her freedom questioned. o20 SEX SIGNS Alternative Lifestyles ‘The Aries Woman is in the forefront of social change. In the area of expanded lifestyles, she may be interested in the following: SINGLE WOMAN/INTIMATE NETWORKS: The independence and _ self- determination of the Aries Woman make this a frequent and viable choice. The Aries Woman will willingly and wholehcartedly participate in this approach to relationships, which implies friendship and possible sexual intimacy with both sexes. OPEN MARRIAGE: Because of her frankness, the Aries Woman is better suited to this arrangement than most other types. If determined, she can make a go of it. I suspect that she will be more involved on principle. Though she prefers to be honest and dreams of complete soulbaring with her mate, she will have to work to put it into practice. MENAGE A TROIS: This is a good temporary arrangement, in which couples share their sex lives with a third person. The Aries Woman usually prefers that the third partner be male If jealousy does not rear its head and territorial imperative does not become more important than passion, this is a workable relationship COMMUNAL LIVING: This is not a prime choice for the Aries Woman, for this situauon may result in too much competition from other women in close quarters and entail many routine household chores, which Aries can't abide. The Aries Woman, while open to anything, finds it difficult to have relationships where all are sheep and where leadership is episodic and dictated by communal decision making. GAY/BISEXUAL LIFESTYLE: I have met an unusually large number of openly gay Aries women. Many have come out of waditional marriage and gone into gay part- nerships This lifestyle provides Aries with a forum for her progressive beliefs, her androgynous sexuality, and her anger at sexist socialization. Because she tends to live in extremes, she may swing back to heterosexual behavior again with equally strong convictions. SUMMING UP ARIES In general, all the Aries woman wants is everything! Her healthiest and most fun- damental drive is to be totally in charge of herself and her own life. The Aries Woman is outstanding in courage and risk-taking ability. Her personality qualifies her to be a leader in the area of alternative lifestyles. Though she is jealous and possessive, she is also committed to adventure and social change As she goes through various cycles, she can be difficult, bitchy, or demanding. She may take out her frustrations on other people. She may blame outsiders for failures and weaknesses she fears are hers but resists acknowledging. It is fascinating to reflect that in order to grow and be fulfilled the Aries Woman must work on many of the qualities of her opposite, Libra. The Aries Woman needs to develop cooperative attitudes, more respect for others, patience, a dash of sensuous selfindulgence, and a better appreciation of her environment. She must Iearn thatARIES 21 there are times when the needs of others take precedence over her impulses or desires, and times when it is in her own best long-term interest to give up some of her insistent clamoring for me-first, me-best independence John Donne said, “No man is an island.'’ No woman need try to accomplish every- thing proudly on her own Aries must realize that she can slow down, enjoy each step on her path and share her joy. In life one cannot always accomplish a journey directly from A to C without occasionally detouring to B. One must be prepared to savor and accept each experience as a learning phase. This may be especially difficult for Aries, who would probably rather “do her thing’ or ‘sur up some action.” The Aries Woman may resent the fact that life and worldly success in a male- dominated society are in many ways more difficult for a woman. She may find it hard to appreciate some traditional feminine shelters. On the one hand she may feel wapped by her own masculinity, while on the other she may appreciate its potenual to contribute to her happiness. She constantly wonders how to deal with her ambition and need for adventure and how to find love Aries must learn how to take her potentially negative traits and turn them to pos iuve use. She must be ready to examine her own excesses. When she gets in a hurry, what is she missing? Which traditionally female roles has she assumed, and which has she rejected? What brings her joy and what upsets her? What has she done about traditionally male roles? Each day, she may have to rethink how to live her life, how to balance “mothering” with professional drive, activity with passivity. The Aries Woman must find ways to blend sexual love with competition, alliance with domi nation, dependence with independence, aggression with softness. For her, self development comes as much from facing fear and sharing loneliness as from outer activity and triumphant change.TAURUS CHECKLIST OF TAURUS TRAITS Note: This checklist describes the traits of one phase only, if it doesn’t seem to fit you, check other lists to find the phase you are in right now. Romantic Ani: Self-conscious Habit-bound Dogmatic Organizational, Managerial Gentle Self-indulgent, Lazy Possessive Luxury- and Comfortioving Appreciative 12. 13. 14. 15. Sensuous Cautious Stubborn Persistent, Tenacious 16. Jealous 17. 18. 19. 20 21. 22. 23. Placid ‘Shy Conservative Money-maker Sentimental Greedy Affectionate 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. Seclfrightcous Honest Dependable Pragmatic Methodical Builder Kind Productive Patient Tolerant Humble, Self deprecating NaturelovingTAURUS 23 TAURUS PERSONALITY General Traits and Background Tue TAURUS WomaN is sensual and seductive. Under a cool, calm, and intellec- tually aloof exterior, she possesses a whole arsenal of tools designed to attract her man and keep him. From the bedroom to the kitchen, she seems to hold in her genetic code total memory of things eternally female. Little wonder she is often called an Earth Goddess. When she enters a room, everyone is aware that she is there. She is beautiful, radiant, and magnetic. Often she wears the finest clothes, jewelry, and perfume, always she displays herself with considerable aplomb In addition to her bodily attraction, she seduces with her rich, resonant voice; like the Lorelei, she captures and holds with her musical sound. Lady Taurus sends mes- sages with her cyes that mesmerize and hold a man with promise of earthly delights beyond measure. She moves with the grace of a dancer, for she loves her own body and cares for it well. Having conwol of herself, she is a master illusionist and will often create just the environment necessary to complete the fantasies of her loved ones. Physical contact is important to the Taurus Woman. She necds to be needed, touched, and fondled She expresses much of her caring through sex, but she is never in a hurry. She expects the very best in love and sex and settles for nothing less She fancies her own environment and likes to entertain at home. Since she is a gourmet cook, her parties usually feature the best food, the finest accessories, and the most exciting people she can find, all coddled in a relaxed and Iuxurjous atmo- sphere. Taurus is the second sign of the Zodiac, Fixed Earth. The fixed part gives her persistence, tenacity, dependability, and sometimes a rather pompous, self while the earth imparts a solid, conservative, materialistic quality that produces a salt-of-the-earth woman, sensual and slightly bawdy. Each sign of the Zodiac is said to be “ruled” by a planet and its vibranons Taurus is ruled by Venus, the goddess of love and beauty. Venus and all the qualities asso- ciated with her affect the life of the Taurus Woman. Luxury without guilt delights the Venusian nature. The Taurus-type woman is one who has the sun or other important planets in Tau- rus, planets in the second house (the natural house of Taurus), a Taurus ascendant, a powerfully aspected Venus. Taurus types are also those who are temporarily going through a Taurus phase. In this case, the person need have no planeis located in the sign of Taurus. The Taurus type is described by the checklist of traits at the beginning of this chapter. The Taurus phase has the following characteristics: 1. A desire to control the material resources of life in order to bring about security and leisure. 2. A nced to possess and control, be it things or people. 3. Transformation through the release of material concerns; the regeneration of values. 4. Dogmatism based on selfish desires rather than rationality based on objective facts. 5. A deep love of nature that transcends the material and brings harmony with all living things (the meeting of Pan in The Wind in the Willows comes to mind).24 SEX SIGNS The Taurus phase is also characterized by its duality. A dichotomy between the pursuit of material gain and the ideals of spiritual beauty often causes inner turmoil. ‘Compulsive spending needs to be curbed lest the deeper spiritual values be sacrificed. A constant war between body and soul also exists, since the pleasures of sex and the good life often receive a disproportionate amount of energy. Balance and harmony. between these two forces must exist for the Taurus Woman to be happy. The Taurus Woman lives a simple yet complex life However, unlike her Scorpio sister, who lives on many secret levels. the Taurus Woman is very up-front about her life and about who and what she enjoys. Simple pleasures appeal to her—good sex, good food, and good company, usually in that precise order. Taunus is the constellation that governs money, Venus is the planet that rules love, and these two qualites may not be as unrelated as they first secm to be. Love is what we feel for the people and things we desire to have closest to us. Money enables the Taurus Woman to possess many things and travel to many of the places she holds dear, Love, however, can only be freely given, and this is sometimes a hard lesson for the Taurus Woman to learn. Her concern for ownership colors the fabric of her life Even the smallest item is catalogued and remembered. Woe to the person who discards one precious scrap of Paper, an old letter, or an out-of-date magavine without first asking; the wrath of the bull will descend even when small possessions are threatened. One can imagine, then, the red fury when someone tries to take her man—her most precious possession. A key word for her is resourceful. She has a knack for manipulating the world’s resources for her own personal use. Her looks, her talents, and the things she owns are all resources that can assist her in achieving what she desires. The greatest chal- lenge for the Taurus Woman is to get outside herself and beyond her possessions ‘The love of luxury and comfort begets selfish tendencies in her, and she then cannot understand the needs of others. Romantic, Sentimental Much has been said about the practical and materialistic side of the Taurus Woman, but few people are aware of the deep romanticism that runs in her veins. Send her a rose (which she dearly loves), and she will love you forever. From that single rose her rich imagination will fill vases with the most perfect bouquets The romance factor cannot be underestimated. Lady Taurus would feel right at home in King Arthur's court. The thought of a knight on a white horse is enough to make any red-blooded Taurian consider throwing over friends, family, and job to follow him wherever he beckons (which she has been known to do). If you have ever wondered who in the audience was crying softly during the wed- ding ceremony, chances are it was Taurus. She is very sentimental, and anything that evokes past memories or that is strikingly beautiful will cause the tears to flow. A visit to her attic is like a trip back into her life I know one Taurus lady who has kept every letter she ever received, all tied up in neat packages tucked away ina trunk A word of advice to the Taurus Woman: excessive attachment to these sentimental mem- ories is not in your best interests One of your biggest challenges is to let go of many past memorics and live completely in the present.TAURES 25 Self-conscious Early in her life, the Taurus Woman may be painfully self-conscious. Her body may seem to be awkward; the paris may not seem to fit together (oo well T have always thought Cinderella was probably a Taurus. Sensitive to the taunting of her sisters, and unaware of the great potential she had, the poor creature was not aware of the transformation that would soon take place As time passes, her innate sense of self becomes stronger, and the Taurus Woman learns how to use it to her best advantage. Although she does not always have a good feel for her relationships with others, she has no question about her place in the universe. Since she has such an idealized concept of beauty, the Taurus Woman needs to accept herself as she is and not as she thinks she should be. Once this happens, she will be well on her way to becoming what she really is, a beautiful and aware person. Artistic ‘The Taurus Woman is never happier than when enhancing the beauty of life Her home will be a harmonious blend of the traditional and the new. Since everything adds to the creation of the proper atmosphere for her love nest, she studies every detail. She loves music and may play an instrument herself Her rich, sensuous voice is one of her finest qualities, and she delights in using it. Drawing and painting also comes easily to her. Her fine sense of proportion, keen powers of observation, and subtle use of color make her well suited to the act of putting paint on a canvas and to the life of the artist. Her enjoyment in touching and feeling objects makes her a fine sculptor as well. Molding clay enhances her sense of power, and for the same reason she may take up pottery, which allows her to reconnect with clay—a product of the earth from which she comes and to which she is drawn Her greatest artistic achievement, however, is the art of fine living. Fach action in her life is carefully drawn, and each possession carefully arranged, Habit-bound The Taurus Woman js a creature of habit. Her breakfast menu, her morning rituals, even the route she takes to her job, seldom vary since they have proven to be effective and efficient. Being of the earth, the Taurus Woman is familiar with the cycles of life She recognizes the ordered progression of the sun, the moon, and the planets as they form thcir patterns in the sky, and she relates this order to her own life. Cycles are measurements of change. Life docs not progress without change, and change necessarily involves some crisis, The Greeks gave us the word crisis, which does not imply catastrophe but rather suggests a time to decide—a time for decision. ‘As aware as the Taurus Woman is of the necessity for change, she often digs in her heels and stubbornly refuses to acknowledge it. She procrastinates and waits until the time for decision is past and then allows familiar patterns and habits to dictate change26 sFX SITGNS for her. She must learn to make conscious decisions, or she will be at the mercy of the cycles she knows so well As an exercise in instituting change in her life, the Taurus Woman needs to break routine and try different things—a new route home, shopping at a different market, sleeping late and breakfasting in bed. She will find that breaks in routine bring wel- come relief from the boredom of habit. Self-righteous, Dogmatic The Taurus Woman knows when she is right. Deep within her is a bell that seems to ring when she is. Imbued with a deep sense of order and the natural progression of events, she quickly translates this into the everyday fabric of life. You may question her about almost anything, and she will answer. But never question her source, for often even she does not know from whence her information came, and she seldom questions it Despite her shyness, her selfdeprecation, and her poo selfimage, she has a deep selfrespect Whatever the external realities, she is able to maintain the worth of her own self. There is a thin red line, however, between selfworth and self-righteousness. The line can become even thinner if the Taurus Woman becomes successful and secure. She is apt to forget her own hard-won battles to build a secure and bright future, and she may chastise those who have not won the same battles because they are not like her. But even though her advice is a little pompous and selfrighteous, her many friends still seek her out for it She tends to convert her opinions into dogma, and she may hold on to an old idea, even though she knows intellectually that it is no longer valid, simply because she cannot change Her emotions are closely tied to her beliefs. She can be especially dogmatic with friends and relatives whom she loves deeply. Often, since she loves them so much and wants the best for them, she assumes she knows what the best for them is. One of her hardest lessons is to realize that she cannot work out other people's karmas; they must assume responsibility for themselves. Organizational, Managerial Lady Taurus has some of the most well-organized cupboards, drawers, and closets in the Zodiac. She may not be as tidy, neat, and well dusted as her earth sister Virgo, but she must know where her possessions are. She even has filing cabinets for her bills, letters, and recipes. Because of this never-ending need to set the world in order, she may be drawn to research, ianship, city planning, writing. In fact, any activity where a great many diverse bits of information have to be organized into a workable and functioning system will appeal to the Taurus Woman. She is also acutely aware of the passage of time. She has a tme clock within her head that measures off the cycles of life and computes how much time should be alloted to different tasks. When she makes a commitment to be somewhere at a certain time, she is there. If she says she will have a task completed by a certain date, you can rely on her.TAURUS 27 Her sense of time and love of organizational detail is often applied to the manage- ment of people as well However, a5 Soon as the human element enters the picture, the task becomes a little more difficult. People present too many variables to fit con- yeniently into the same slots as books, invoices, and recipes. Here she must bring into play her considerable political ability and her knowledge of people The Taurus Woman likes an ordered house and ordered life. Time, materials, and place are all important to her. She is never happier than when they all form a har- monious whole of which she is the center. But her strong will can bulldoze feelings out of the way in order to complete a task on time. She must be very careful not to overlook the feelings of friends and loved ones, and she should plan time and space for them as well. Gentle, Placid, Shy For the gentle touch, the gentle word, or the gentle action, the Taurus Woman cannot be surpassed. Like her symbol, the bull, she only rages when she is angry or js caught up in the passions of sex By choice she is very placid. The two horns of her symbol represent the horns of a dilemma. She can either be completely at peace with the world, or she can express the violent rage that is within her when she is angered. There seems to be little, if' any, middle ground. Many Taurus Women choose to suppress anger, for they learn early on that if they are constantly in a state of turmoil their health suffers. They are especially sensitive in the throat and shoulders, areas which conunual stress and anger can weaken. In many ways, the Taurus Woman is unflappable. She may just have returned from a round of shopping and Little League practice when her husband announces his boss is coming home with him for dinner. Her calm and stoic acceptance of this predicament is next to unbelievable. She knows that what will be will be, and besides, she has probably planned for just such an emergency and has a banquet prepared and frozen, just waiting. Most of her life she will be shy around new people. This usually is the result of a poor selfimage during childhood and of the pain intlicted on her by her early peers. New surroundings and new faces make her uncomfortable, for they present unknown quanuties that must be confronted. Confrontation politics is not the Taurian style, and she avoids it like the plague. Any situation that produces unpleasantness is hard on her nervous system. Only when driven or pushed into a corner will she take a stand and fight for her own rights. She could avoid much unhappiness if she would learn to confront problems as they arise. Self-indulgent, Lazy Comfort and contentment are important to the Taurus Woman. Bathe her in per fumed water, wrap her in a soft flufly blanket, give her a hot-fudge sundae and shower her with love and affection; she will be yours for life. And be assured that if you don’t do it for her, she will do it for herself. There is no question in her mind that she deserves the very best. In most instances she will be able to keep her self-indulgence in bounds, for when she cares to exercise it, few other signs possess the self-control that she has. Her28 sEX SIGNS biggest problem comes with food; here, the will that can literally move mountains, divide the seas, and stop thundering herds of horses dissolves into the ether. Most Taurians have a weight problem that they have to deal with their entire lives. The ‘Taurus Woman's unwanted pounds and inches appear in the hips, which are naturally generous anyhow. Food also represents security to the Taurus Woman, and this, coupled with her tremendous appetite and zest for eating, can add up to trouble The eating scene in the movie The Realm of the Senses represents a typical Taurus phase. Here, the physical pleasure of eating was tied to the promise of sexual pleasure to come later. She wuly believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach (since she knows her ‘own so well) She is a superb artist in the kitchen. She never likes to see food wasted and your only disappointment at leaving her table will be your diminished will power. By nature, the Taurus Woman takes her time. Never ty to hurry her; she cannot be budged unless she wants to be She sets her own priorities and takes her time executing them. She organizes her life so only she has the ume to enjoy it. Leisure appeals to her, and she may feel just right frittering it away or stuffing it so full that it appears to be work. The choice is hers however and she delights in those kinds of choices. The closer she comes to her ideal of comfort and luxury, the lazier she becomes She should continually seek new challenges in order to overcome this. Possessive The Taurus Woman not only wants to have the use of a “thing"’; she must possess it. Once she bas clutched something to her ample bosom, she will simply not let go. Ownership is everything. She is apt to have four sets of pots and pans, eight sets of dishes, fifteen lace tablecloths, and all of her deceased mother-in-law’s furniture. She is just as possessive with her family and lovers. She has chosen them, and for that reason they are as much her chattel as are her clothes, jewelry, and furs. If she pracuces this to excess, she can become a very dominant wife and mother, leaving little space for her loved ones’ growth. Many children rebel very early when they feel her clutching them too tghtly. On the positive side, however, she attends to them with as much care and concern as she lavishes on the rest of her possessions. Let no one try to steal her husband or lover. She sees red, and the raging anger so often associated with the bull is unleashed. She attacks frontally with no holds barred. All of the power and strength she can muster (and her power is considerable) will be brought directly to bear on her opponent. She can be a very angry lady. Luxury- and Comfort-loving Ruled by the voluptuous Venus, the Taurus Woman loves luxury. Even though costs a little more, she believes in going first-class. It may be a strain on her pocket- book, but it is ever so much more satisfying. ‘The Taurus Woman seems to have an innate sense of value and quality. She would rather have an orienal rug than a serviceable carpet. Why order from Sears when both Bloomingdale's and Neiman-Marcus have catalogue departments? She knows intrinsic value, and what may appear extravagant to some will be a good investmentTAURUES 29 for the Taurus Woman. Her antiques and furnishings will appreciate in valuc; she will be able to sell her art in a financial pinch, and the jewelry she has acquired over the years may well provide the down payment on a new business. Appreciative ‘The Taurus Woman does not haye great expectations She knows the ways of the world and the shortcomings of people tvo well to expect more than she can see and hold in her hand She does not dream the mystical dreams of her Pisces sister or build the fantastic air castles of Aquarius; rather she constructs her own reality of mortar and bricks. But when something nice happens that she doesn’t expect, or when someone makes good on a promise, she is one of the most appreciative people around. In fact, her appreciation is almost childlike If someone gives her a gift, she will cherish it forever. If someone is kind to her during hard times, she will remember it as long as she lives. It seems to come to her as a total surprise that she can be on the receiving end of things. Possibly her weak self-image makes it hard for her to believe that people would truly want 10 be nice to her Being of the earth and of Venus, Taurus has great appreciation for the physical world. She is a good judge of horseflesh and responds to the fine form of any man who is muscular, strong, and well-proportioned Being receptive, she experiences as much as she can and retains most of what she sees, hears, feels, tastes, and touches; she enjoys all things of the senses. Her capacity for appreciation comes from her vast store of memories, experiences, and feclings about the world and its peoples. ‘The difficulty inherent in all this is that the Taurus Woman cannot balance enjoy- ing and appreciating with doing. I would advise her to jump into new projects, to translate her ideas and stored appreciation into some concrete action. She needs to take risks to balance her retentive nature, Sensuous The Taurus Woman is like a finely tuned pipe organ. Her senses are its keys, and every key causes the music to flow. Each note is distinctive, and each key activates yet another octave Only when all the notes are sounding does she feel harmonious and complete. The Taurus Woman’s senses are highly cultivated. She is like a Rubens nude: ro- bust, sensual, lusty, with an ample appetite for living. She likes to feel the air on her skin and the warmth of the sun. And I have yet to meet a Taurus who didn’t delight in the sensuality of a rich dessert. As with many of her other traits, Taurus masks her sensuality with a yencer of conventionality. Often she learns during childhood that in our society, one should not enjoy the body or the feelings the body has. Yet she never quite believes this hypocrisy, and she goes on experiencing as much as she feels she safely can. It is only when she really trusts that she pulls ont all the stops and exposes the extent of her sensual nature. Happy the man she trusts!30 SEX sU-GNS Cautious, Stubborn ‘The Taurus Woman is plagued by many fears. High on the list is the fear of making mistakes She so wants to do the right thing that she sometimes falters in doing anything at all. I know one Taurus lady, a secretary, who read every letter she typed no fewer than four times. Though she produced perfect letters, they were oftentimes late in reaching their destinations. Taurus rarely bets on anything that is unsure or variable. Knowing the natural progression of things often enables her to foresee their outcome She does not like to gamble, preferring the long-term, steady profit of secure stocks to windfalls that may or may not materialize. Her reucence concerning change is based upon the possibility of loss or pain She would rather take her chances with known quantities than risk losing everything she has worked so hard to gather and build. The negative result is that she becomes even more stubborn and possessive than she normally is. It is difficult for her to fly free with such atutudes. She must learn that not every siwation can be controlled or predicted. She is one of the great stabilizers of the earth, but it she doesn’t respond positively to change, then stagnation, immobility, and decay may set in. She must consciously begin to take risks if she wishes to keep in step with the umes. Lady Taurus feels that time is on her side. She likes to have her own way and uses delaying tactics to get it. She will refuse to do anything that she fecls is not in her best interests. Also, if something offends her sense of decency, honesty, or propriety she will become stubborn and refuse to budge an inch. This quality can be a vice or a virtue. If she thinks she is right based on her judgment and experiences, she will not bend. She must constantly strive to be more flexible and to respond, not in terms of her perceptions, but in tcrms of situational reality Persistent, Tenacious The pioneer woman exemplifies the persistence and doggedness of the Taurus Woman. The Taurus Woman finishes what she starts—even if it takes years. Be it business, a projeci, or a human relationship, she seldom tires of trying to make it work. She feels that if she works hard enough, lasts long enough, and does not give up, she will accomplish what she wants in the end She clings to a belief or an idea with the same fervor. Once she has made up her mind that her views are correct (and this may take some time as she tries to be fair and impartial in her deliberations), she holds on for dear life. Even if she later is proven wrong, she still has a conviction in the back of her mind that she was right, in some sense, all along. Professionally, the Taurus Woman shows the same persistence, and she will work overtime without complaint in order to get the job done. She is reliable and generous with her time and will train the new recruit, get the coffee, plan the budget, and even organize the football or baseball pool. She knows that the small details are often as important as the overall concept. She works hard to make friends, to win over in-taws, and to develop a camaraderie with co-workers. But everything changes, friendships as well, and not all are worthy of retention. Being stubborn, she will often refuse to give up on something that does not serve her own best interests. When she is able to see things as they are ratherTAURUS 31 than as she wishes they were, she will learn to let go. She then only needs to release, as painful as it may be, and her life will change for the better. Jealous ‘The Taurus Woman is as possessive of others’ affections as she is of the goods she owns. She does not want anyone to get to near to the things she loves, including her friends and family, for fear they might steal them or harm them in some way. Her strong Venus nature encases her loved ones in a protective crystal shell, Trying to understand the Taurus Woman is like tying to understand the many faccts of love itself. She protects and holds, lavishes affection and nurtures; yet she feels that she is the only one capable of doing so, Woe to anyone who tries to supplant her or trespass on the territories of her love. In her less developed state, the Taurus Woman focuses this feeling on material objects and covets things that others have. She can be jealous of the wealth, success, or beauty of her peers. As she progresses in her development, she will learn that this is a negative emotion and adds little to her selfesteem Conservative, Money-maker, Greedy ‘The Taurus Woman is a conservator from childhood Recognizing that the earth’s resources are precious, she wants to use them wisely. She will never throw something away if she feels there may be a use for it in the future. She may involve herself in organizing a local recycling movement, a preserve for wildlife, or a stop-the-expansion-of industry/clean-uptheair program. In her personal garden, nothing will be cast away. Old leaves and plant stalks will become mulch for new growth; her sunflower seeds will be carefully processed for planting next year Her tastes in clothing and accessories will lean to the conservative. She abhors flashiness and has a keen eye for subtle quality. While she herself is virtually indom- itable, she doesn’t want to appear that way outwardly. This is another of the masks that prevent anyone from thinking she is too far-out or avantgarde The respect and acceptance of the people she encounters is very important to her, and she will do little to jeopardize her position. Saving money is second nature to the Taurus Woman. Her conservative nature requires a Title nest egg hidden away for emergencies Her moneymaking activities may including mining, manufacturing, growing food or flowers, and selling real es- tate, all of which reflect her knowledge of the earth’s resources and what they can provide people. Her talent for making money seems endless. She considers nothing (oo menial or “ow-class”’ if the bottom line means profit for her. She sees possibilities when those around her see desperation. She may begin on a very small scale, canning jams and jellies at home can make her a rival of the Knotts Berry Farm if she is determined and if the profits are forthcoming When the impulsive Taurus need for security and selfrespect goes unchecked, greed may be the result. Success becomes directly associated with material wealth in her mind, and without the balance of a developed spiritual nature, she runs out of32 sFRK st control, grabbing at each penny she sees. Her natural, caring concern for people then takes a back seat, and she begins to enjoy life less She also feels that money gives her power over her own life, she derives from it a sense of release trom responsibility and a feeling of freedom and mobility. At the same time, she can be quite generous, giving pieces of her hoarded treasure in order to secure love, attention, and loyalty from those close to her. The gifis are seldom without strings, however, and Taurus needs to cultivate a truer sense of giving until the act feels natural and expresses genuine love Affectionate The need 10 be touched and loved is very strong in the Taurus Woman. She uses the sense of touch to convey her feelings to others. Deny her affection, and she becomes like a plant without water. As a child she vies for the affections of both parents and often feels siblings are getting more than their share She can sustain herself for great lengths of time without sexual contact, but her natural glow fades if affection is withdrawn. Honest, Dependable You can trust a Taurus Woman with your money, your secrets, your life, and gen- erally even with your man. She truly believes that honesty is the best policy In her evolved state, she is extremely honest about hersclf as well and will be the first to admit her faults (but don't you bring them up). She dislikes contracts and written agreements but her word is sacred to her and she always fulfills her promises. No commitment is too small for her to remember, but she outwardly overlooks commitments made to her if confrontation is required to effect fulfillment. The Taurus Woman is a godsend in an emergency, in times of tragedy, and during periods of deep stress She can coolly make decisions for others, and her feeling for the cycles of fife, for the natural occurrence of birth, growth, and death, make her invaluable to those less capable of seeing the broad picture. You know you can count on her, and better yet, she knows it too. Pragmatic, Methodical, Builder Will it work? This is the question the Taurus Woman most often asks. She is carefull in her considerations and thus can be sure in her judgments. Once she has made plans, she carries them out methodically, almost to a fault. Like a master mason, she first lays the foundation well; then, brick by brick, she builds towards reality. However, she must guard against becoming enslaved by her methods, since this can cause delays in reaching her goals. Taurus loves to conceptualize, pattern, seek materials carefully, and build slowly. Architecture, renovation, rehabbing, decorating, designing, and inventing appeal toTAURUS 33 her and can be lucrative career possibilities and her persistence and confidence in inatters affecting her environment often have good results for all of us. Kind, Humble The Taurus Woman embodies true humility. She takes action and does for others out of kindness. The spotlight does not appeal to her, but when she is remembered she graciously accepts Although it is difficult for her to accept praise, she needs to concentrate on dealing with it when it does come her way. Too often she competes with herself to do the best possible job and then forgets to bolster her own self-esteem by secking recognition She rises in the business world not by openly competing with others but by her staying power and integrity. She gocs out of her way to insure that she will not trample on the feelings of others. She opens her arms to stray animals, and stray people. As she evolves, her ‘'stringless”” gilt giving is legendary. Productive, Patient, Tolerant The “author” of the Puritan ethic could very well have been a Taurian. Taurus does not rest completely until she has acquired or produced something of worth As one of the most energetic signs, she usually has a variety of projects going at the same time. Each receives equal, devoted care, although too often, her excess energies are used to begin yet another project when she could better apply them to finishing what she has begun. Her patience is legendary, and few things can cause her to lose sight of it. She ‘expends vast amounts of energy explaining procedure and theory over and over again. She makes a good teacher when she overcomes her sometimes moralistic na- ture. She is tolerant of others’ flaws, though not of her own I have seen Taurus Women abide husbands addicted to alcohol and drugs without passing judgment This high tclerance for people caries over into her philosophy too. Lifestyics, ideas, and politics that are unacceptable to many cause her little problem. She is open and is one of the best listeners you can find. Do not, however, misconstrue her understanding nature as a sign that she is ready to impulsively join in; her conservative streak is strongly rooted. Nature-loving The Taurus Woman relates to and loves nature, both as a broad concept and as a specific experience. She will try to learn the name of every plant and animal within her purview. She loves to involve herself physically with a natural habitat, and she will look everywhere for the perfect naturally woven basket to carry when she picks flowers in her garden, and true to her nature, she will hold on to it dearly Gardening is an avocation that most Taurus Women pursue in one way or another. If she lives in a conerete-and-glass high-rise with a tiny balcony overlooking Central34 SEX SIGNS Park, Taurus will endeavor to grow cherry tomatos and an herb garden on it. If she has a vast expanse of rich soil at her disposal, she will supply half her friends and all her relauves with the freshest, plumpest vegetables in the county. She plants, nurtures, and harvests according to her deep-seated sense of cycles TAURUS RELATIONSHIPS Because the Taurus nature is so definite and deeply rooted, nearly all the traits delineated at the beginning of this chapter carry over into any relationship she en- deavors to develop. Once she has made a commitment, she will put forth her best effort to make any of her many relationships work. She forms a wonderful half of any duo—mate, best friend, co-worker, commiserater. She needs these one-on-one en. counters to fulfill her curious yet complex nature. At the same time, she is a perfec- tionist and expects her family, friends, and lovers to live up to exacting standards. She can become very critical very quickly when intimates do not meet her criteria ¢ her opposite, Scorpio, she may arrive at a position of power, not so much because she seeks it, but more often because she has proven she can handle it, dis- tribute it, and enhance it Though often not intentionally, the Taurus Woman may use sex and intimacy to gain wealth, which she in turn translates into security, luxury, and beauty. She is attracted to people of wealth and learns appreciation for the things it can provide. Her natural good taste make her excellent company for those who are accustomed to the finer things in life. Although the law of polarity may cause her to marry beneath her station and thus suffer from a lack of material wealth, she can suill function with those who haye it. Her approach to permanent relationships is healthy. She is loyal, steadfast, and ori- ented to the home. She enjoys comfort and likes sharing life’s fineries with her friends and loved oncs. She remains a faithful wife or friend until she is betrayed. Her temper boils when she discovers someone has deceived her, when her intelligence is insulted, or when she has proof that someone has taken advantage of her. She has one of the highest levels of tolerance in the Zodiac, but when her limit is reached, she reacts with lightning spced. It may take months or years for her to recover if she ever does. When it's love, it’s all or nothing She demands the same loyalty she offers. In friendship she can give as well as rcceive but is insistent upon a fifty-fifty ratio. She allows nobody to force her into doing anything against her will. (She can, however, be led if the proverbial carrot is affection.) Unless her friends and intimates recognize this early on, they may unexpectedly be confronted with her strong will, either as she exerts it directly or as she uses it as adhesive to keep herself from being swayed off her dead-center course Although one of her greatest necds is for affection, she may often not be affec- tionate towards others. Her mate may be confused by long periods of silence in which she seems to be in a world of her own. She is probably resting her karma, much as the earth rests between cycles of productivity and growth. ‘The Taurus Womian tends to trust men more than she trusts women, She will also come to the aid of anothcr Taurus before any of the other sign types. She loves older men and will often be seen with one at her side. They seem to inspire her trust more quickly and serve to mirror her own stability to the outside world. On the other hand, she fears growing old and thus places great importance on youth and youthfulness.TAURUS 35 Because of her own youthful attitudes and freshness, many think of her as being younger than she really i As she becomes more evolved, the Taurus Woman drops some of the masks she has used to keep her fears hidden. She begins to show her sexual naire more and more. Where motherhood was once the only permanent route she could consider, she now wants to experiment with new freedoms that strong parenting (the only kind she understands) prohibits. She doesn't lose her love for children, and she still feels she must prepare them to assume the responsibility for her earth; but she begins to feel less bound to the duty of rearing her own She also begins to let it be known that she can manage money and function in the financial industry along with the best of them. She has an uncanny ability with real estate and banking. When she applies her strong will and naturally materialistic tendencies, she can direct the day-to-day operations of a profitable corporation as efficiently as any man. For all her common sense about money and other practical concerns, she stub- bornly refuses co give it proper respect in matters of the heart. She often seeks a relationship that provides excitement, thrills, mystery, and sensual sex Perhaps she feels that her life is too methodical and boring, and she yearns for adventure. It is not uncommon for her to marry a man she has only just met. She is possessive, habi-bound, and dogmatic in her love life. Her smothering love and failure to provide space, coupled with her rigid insistence on emotional superi- ority, can cause her relationships to become dull and boring. After the adventure wears off, she may regret her choice but will often stubbornly hang on. It is much to difficult for a Taurus Woman to admit she has made a mistake In love, the greatest challenge for the Taurus Woman is to overcome her posses- siveness She is always tempted to play protective, jealous bitch. People cannot be private property; the beloved must have space to grow. She can only have by letting 5°. Childhood The Taurus child is often content to spend many hours playing by herself. Her parents may worry that she is too solitary. Her rebellious nature only surfaces when she is pushed too much; otherwise she is well mannered and usually stays out of wouble. Having seltimposed inner control, she will often resist discipline that she considers unreasonable. However, affection works wonders; she may haye stubbornly resisted your demands, but a hug will set everything right. Her early years are likely to present one of two extremes. the child who has to assume a great deal of responsibility and never has a chance for a “normal” child- hood; or the pampered child who is given everything and has virtually no responsi- bility. Silver spoon or stainless steel, she has a beautiful disposition. The Taurus girl usually relatcs well to her peers and those around her. She may be very shy and timid, but given time, she emerges a diplomatic though reserved adult. At the same time, she looks only for the unvarnished truth and can take people aback with the depth of her perceptions. She has a good relationship with both parents but usually favors her father. She is the apple of his eye, and he will do a great deal for her. She tends to become very dependent upon her parents and looks to them in times of trouble instead of taking care of problems herself.