AWOMANOFNOIMPORTANCE

By
OscarWilde

CONTENTS:
THEPERSONSOFTHEPLAY .................................................................................3
FIRSTACT.................................................................................................................5
SECONDACT..........................................................................................................22
THIRDACT .............................................................................................................40
FOURTHACT..........................................................................................................55

THEPERSONSOFTHEPLAY
LordIllingworth
SirJohnPontefract
LordAlfredRufford
Mr.Kelvil,M.P.
TheVen.ArchdeaconDaubeny,D.D.
GeraldArbuthnot
Farquhar,Butler
Francis,Footman
LadyHunstanton
LadyCarolinePontefract
LadyStutfield
Mrs.Allonby
MissHesterWorsley
Alice,Maid
Mrs.Arbuthnot

THESCENESOFTHEPLAY

ACTI.TheTerraceatHunstantonChase.
ACTII.TheDrawingroomatHunstantonChase.
ACTIII.TheHallatHunstantonChase.
ACTIV.SittingroominMrs.Arbuthnot'sHouseatWrockley.
TIME:ThePresent.
PLACE:TheShires.
Theactionoftheplaytakesplacewithintwentyfourhours.

LONDON:HAYMARKETTHEATRE

LesseeandManager:Mr.HBeerbohmTree
April19th,1893
LordIllingworth,Mr.Tree
SirJohnPontefract,Mr.E.HolmanClark
LordAlfredRufford,Mr.ErnestLawford
Mr.Kelvil,M.P.,Mr.CharlesAllan.
TheVen.ArchdeaconDaubeny,D.D.,Mr.Kemble
GeraldArbuthnot,Mr.Terry

Farquhar,Butler,Mr.Hay
Francis,Footman,Mr.Montague
LadyHunstanton,MissRoseLeclercq
LadyCarolinePontefract,MissLeThiere
LadyStutfield,MissBlancheHorlock
Mrs.Allonby,Mrs.Tree
MissHesterWorsley,MissJuliaNeilson
Alice,Maid,MissKelly
Mrs.Arbuthnot,Mrs.BernardBeere

FIRSTACT
SCENELawninfrontoftheterraceatHunstanton.
[SIRJOHNandLADYCAROLINEPONTEFRACT,MISSWORSLEY,onchairsunder
largeyewtree.]
LADYCAROLINE.IbelievethisisthefirstEnglishcountryhouseyouhavestayedat,
MissWorsley?
HESTER.Yes,LadyCaroline.
LADYCAROLINE.Youhavenocountryhouses,Iamtold,inAmerica?
HESTER.Wehavenotmany.
LADYCAROLINE.Haveyouanycountry?Whatweshouldcallcountry?
HESTER.[Smiling.]Wehavethelargestcountryintheworld,LadyCaroline.They
usedtotellusatschoolthatsomeofourstatesareasbigasFranceandEnglandput
together.
LADYCAROLINE.Ah!youmustfinditverydraughty,Ishouldfancy.[ToSIR
JOHN.]John,youshouldhaveyourmuffler.Whatistheuseofmyalwaysknitting
mufflersforyouifyouwon'twearthem?
SIRJOHN.Iamquitewarm,Caroline,Iassureyou.
LADYCAROLINE.Ithinknot,John.Well,youcouldn'tcometoamorecharming
placethanthis,MissWorsley,thoughthehouseisexcessivelydamp,quiteunpardonably
damp,anddearLadyHunstantonissometimesalittlelaxaboutthepeoplesheasksdown
here.[ToSIRJOHN.]Janemixestoomuch.LordIllingworth,ofcourse,isamanof
highdistinction.Itisaprivilegetomeethim.AndthatmemberofParliament,Mr.
Kettle
SIRJOHN.Kelvil,mylove,Kelvil.
LADYCAROLINE.Hemustbequiterespectable.Onehasneverheardhisnamebefore
inthewholecourseofone'slife,whichspeaksvolumesforaman,nowadays.ButMrs.
Allonbyishardlyaverysuitableperson.
HESTER.IdislikeMrs.Allonby.Idislikehermore thanIcansay.
LADYCAROLINE.Iamnotsure,MissWorsley,thatforeignerslikeyourselfshould
cultivatelikesordislikesaboutthepeopletheyareinvitedtomeet.Mrs.Allonbyisvery

wellborn.SheisanieceofLordBrancaster's.Itissaid,of course,thatsheranaway
twicebeforeshewasmarried.Butyouknowhowunfairpeopleoftenare.Imyselfdon't
believesheranawaymorethanonce.
HESTER.Mr.Arbuthnotisverycharming.
LADYCAROLINE.Ah,yes!theyoungmanwhohasapostinabank.LadyHunstanton
ismostkindinaskinghimhere,andLordIllingworthseemstohavetakenquiteafancy
tohim.Iamnotsure,however,thatJaneisrightintakinghimoutofhisposition.Inmy
youngdays,MissWorsley,onenevermetanyoneinsocietywhoworkedfortheirliving.
Itwasnotconsideredthething.
HESTER.InAmericathosearethepeoplewerespectmost.
LADYCAROLINE.Ihavenodoubtofit.
HESTER.Mr.Arbuthnothasabeautifulnature!Heissosimple,sosincere.Hehasone
ofthemostbeautifulnaturesIhaveevercomeacross.ItisaprivilegetomeetHIM.
LADYCAROLINE.ItisnotcustomaryinEngland,MissWorsley,forayoungladyto
speakwithsuchenthusiasmofanypersonoftheoppositesex.Englishwomenconceal
theirfeelingstillaftertheyaremarried.Theyshowthemthen.
HESTER.Doyou,inEngland,allownofriendshiptoexistbetweenayoungmananda
younggirl?
[EnterLADYHUNSTANTON,followedbyFootmanwithshawlsandacushion.]
LADYCAROLINE.We thinkitveryinadvisable.Jane,Iwasjustsayingwhata
pleasantpartyyouhaveaskedustomeet.Youhaveawonderfulpowerofselection.Itis
quiteagift.
LADYHUNSTANTON.DearCaroline,howkindofyou!Ithinkwealldofitinvery
nicelytogether.AndIhopeourcharmingAmericanvisitorwillcarrybackpleasant
recollectionsofourEnglishcountrylife.[ToFootman.]Thecushion,there,Francis.
Andmyshawl.TheShetland.GettheShetland.[ExitFootmanforshawl.]
[EnterGERALDARBUTHNOT.]
GERALD.LadyHunstanton,Ihavesuchgoodnewstotellyou.LordIllingworthhas
justofferedtomakemehissecretary.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Hissecretary?Thatisgoodnewsindeed,Gerald.Itmeansa
verybrilliantfutureinstoreforyou.Yourdearmotherwillbedelighted.Ireallymust
tryandinducehertocomeupheretonight.Doyouthinkshewould,Gerald?Iknow
howdifficultitistogethertogoanywhere.

GERALD.Oh!Iamsureshewould,LadyHunstanton,ifsheknewLordIllingworth
hadmademesuchanoffer.
[EnterFootmanwithshawl.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Iwillwriteandtellheraboutit,andaskhertocomeupand
meethim.[ToFootman.]Justwait,Francis.[Writesletter.]
LADYCAROLINE.Thatisaverywonderfulopeningforsoyoungamanasyouare,
Mr.Arbuthnot.
GERALD.Itisindeed,LadyCaroline.ItrustIshallbeabletoshowmyselfworthyof
it.
LADYCAROLINE.Itrustso.
GERALD.[ToHESTER.]YOUhavenotcongratulatedmeyet,MissWorsley.
HESTER.Areyouverypleasedaboutit?
GERALD.OfcourseIam.Itmeanseverythingtome thingsthatwereoutofthereach
ofhopebeforemaybewithinhope'sreachnow.
HESTER.Nothingshouldbeoutofthereachofhope.Lifeisahope.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ifancy,Caroline,thatDiplomacyiswhatLordIllingworthis
aimingat.IheardthathewasofferedVienna.Butthatmaynotbetrue.
LADYCAROLINE.Idon'tthinkthatEnglandshouldberepresentedabroadbyan
unmarriedman,Jane.Itmightleadtocomplications.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Youaretoonervous,Caroline.Believeme,youaretoo
nervous.Besides,LordIllingworthmaymarryanyday.Iwasinhopeshewouldhave
marriedladyKelso.ButIbelievehesaidherfamilywastoolarge.Orwasitherfeet?I
forgetwhich.Iregretitverymuch.Shewasmadetobeanambassador'swife.
LADYCAROLINE.Shecertainlyhasawonderfulfacultyofrememberingpeople's
names,andforgettingtheirfaces.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Well,thatisverynatural,Caroline,isitnot?[ToFootman.]
TellHenrytowaitforananswer.Ihavewrittenalinetoyourdearmother,Gerald,totell
heryourgoodnews,andtosayshereallymustcometodinner.
[ExitFootman.]

GERALD.Thatisawfullykindofyou,LadyHunstanton.[ToHESTER.]Willyou
comeforastroll,MissWorsley?
HESTER.Withpleasure[ExitwithGERALD.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.IamverymuchgratifiedatGeraldArbuthnot'sgoodfortune.
HeisquiteaPROTEGEofmine.AndIamparticularlypleasedthatLordIllingworth
shouldhavemadetheofferofhisownaccordwithoutmysuggestinganything.Nobody
likestobeaskedfavours.IrememberpoorCharlottePagdenmakingherselfquite
unpopularoneseason,becauseshehadaFrenchgovernessshewantedtorecommendto
everyone.
LADYCAROLINE.Isawthegoverness,Jane.LadyPagdensenthertome.Itwas
beforeEleanorcameout.Shewasfartoogoodlookingtobeinanyrespectable
household.Idon'twonderLadyPagdenwassoanxioustogetridofher.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,thatexplainsit.
LADYCAROLINE.John,thegrassistoodampforyou.Youhadbettergoandputon
yourovershoesatonce.
SIRJOHN.Iamquitecomfortable,Caroline,Iassureyou.
LADYCAROLINE.Youmustallowmetobethebestjudgeofthat,John.PraydoasI
tellyou.
[SIRJOHNgetsupandgoesoff.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Youspoilhim,Caroline,youdoindeed!
[EnterMRS.ALLONBYandLADYSTUTFIELD.]
[ToMRS.ALLONBY.]Well,dear,Ihopeyoulikethepark.Itissaidtobewell
timbered.
MRS.ALLONBY.Thetreesarewonderful,LadyHunstanton.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Quite,quitewonderful.
MRS.ALLONBY.Butsomehow,IfeelsurethatifIlivedinthecountryforsixmonths,
Ishouldbecomesounsophisticatedthatnoonewouldtaketheslightestnoticeofme.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Iassureyou,dear,thatthecountryhasnotthateffectatall.
Why,itwasfromMelthorpe,whichisonlytwomilesfromhere,thatLadyBeltoneloped
withLordFethersdale.Iremembertheoccurrenceperfectly.PoorLordBeltondied

threedaysafterwardsofjoy,orgout.Iforgetwhich.Wehadalargepartystayinghere
atthetime,sowewereallverymuchinterestedinthewholeaffair.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ithinktoelopeiscowardly.It'srunningawayfromdanger.And
dangerhasbecomesorareinmodernlife.
LADYCAROLINE.AsfarasIcanmakeout,theyoungwomenofthepresentdayseem
tomakeitthesoleobjectoftheirlivestobealwaysplayingwithfire.
MRS.ALLONBY.Theoneadvantageofplayingwithfire,LadyCaroline,isthatone
nevergetsevensinged.Itisthepeoplewhodon'tknowhowtoplaywithitwhoget
burnedup.
LADYSTUTFIELD.YesIseethat.Itisvery,veryhelpful.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Idon'tknowhowtheworldwouldgetonwithsuchatheoryas
that,dearMrs.Allonby.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Ah!Theworldwasmadeformenandnotforwomen.
MRS.ALLONBY.Oh,don'tsaythat,LadyStutfield.Wehaveamuchbettertimethan
theyhave.Therearefarmorethingsforbiddentousthanareforbiddentothem.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Yesthatisquite,quitetrue.Ihadnotthoughtofthat.
[EnterSIRJOHNandMR.KELVIL.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Well,Mr.Kelvil,haveyougotthroughyourwork?
KELVIL.Ihavefinishedmywritingfortheday,LadyHunstanton.Ithasbeenan
arduoustask.Thedemandsonthetimeofapublicmanareveryheavynowadays,very
heavyindeed.AndIdon'tthinktheymeetwithadequaterecognition.
LADYCAROLINE.John,haveyougotyourovershoeson?
SIRJOHN.Yes,mylove.
LADYCAROLINE.Ithinkyouhadbettercomeoverhere,John.Itismoresheltered.
SIRJOHN.Iamquitecomfortable,Caroline.
LADYCAROLINE.Ithinknot,John.Youhadbettersitbesideme.[SIRJOHNrises
andgoesacross.]
LADYSTUTFIELD.Andwhathaveyoubeenwritingaboutthismorning,Mr.Kelvil?

KELVIL.Ontheusualsubject,LadyStutfield.OnPurity.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Thatmustbesuchavery,veryinterestingthingtowriteabout.
KELVIL.Itistheonesubjectofreallynationalimportance,nowadays,LadyStutfield.I
purposeaddressingmyconstituentsonthequestionbeforeParliamentmeets.Ifindthat
thepoorerclassesofthiscountrydisplayamarkeddesireforahigherethicalstandard.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Howquite,quiteniceofthem.
LADYCAROLINE.Areyouinfavourofwomentakingpartinpolitics,Mr.Kettle?
SIRJOHN.Kelvil,mylove,Kelvil.
KELVIL.Thegrowinginfluenceofwomenistheonereassuringthinginourpolitical
life,LadyCaroline.Womenarealwaysonthesideofmorality,publicandprivate.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Itissovery,verygratifyingtohearyousaythat.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,yes! themoralqualitiesinwomen thatistheimportant
thing.Iamafraid,Caroline,thatdearLordIllingworthdoesn'tvaluethemoralqualities
inwomenasmuchasheshould.
[EnterLORDILLINGWORTH.]
LADYSTUTFIELD.TheworldsaysthatLordIllingworthisvery,verywicked.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Butwhatworldsaysthat,LadyStutfield?Itmustbethenext
world.ThisworldandIareonexcellentterms.[SitsdownbesideMRS.ALLONBY.]
LADYSTUTFIELD.EveryoneIknowsaysyouarevery,verywicked.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Itisperfectlymonstrousthewaypeoplegoabout,nowadays,
sayingthingsagainstonebehindone'sbackthatareabsolutelyandentirelytrue.
LADYHUNSTANTON.DearLordIllingworthisquitehopeless,LadyStutfield.Ihave
givenuptryingtoreformhim.ItwouldtakeaPublicCompanywithaBoardof
DirectorsandapaidSecretarytodothat.Butyouhavethesecretaryalready,Lord
Illingworth,haven'tyou?GeraldArbuthnothastoldusofhisgoodfortuneitisreally
mostkindofyou.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oh,don'tsaythat,LadyHunstanton.Kindisadreadfulword.
ItookagreatfancytoyoungArbuthnotthemomentImethim,andhe'llbeof
considerableusetomeinsomethingIamfoolishenoughtothinkofdoing.

LADYHUNSTANTON.Heisanadmirableyoungman.Andhismotherisoneofmy
dearestfriends.HehasjustgoneforawalkwithourprettyAmerican.Sheisverypretty,
isshenot?
LADYCAROLINE.Fartoopretty.TheseAmericangirlscarryoffallthegood
matches.Whycan'ttheystayintheirowncountry?Theyarealwaystellingusitisthe
Paradiseofwomen.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Itis,LadyCaroline.Thatiswhy,likeEve,theyareso
extremelyanxioustogetoutofit.
LADYCAROLINE.WhoareMissWorsley'sparents?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Americanwomenarewonderfullycleverinconcealingtheir
parents.
LADYHUNSTANTON.MydearLordIllingworth,whatdoyoumean?MissWorsley,
Caroline,isanorphan.Herfatherwasaverywealthymillionaireorphilanthropist,or
both,Ibelieve,whoentertainedmysonquitehospitably,whenhevisitedBoston.Idon't
knowhowhemadehismoney,originally.
KELVIL.IfancyinAmericandrygoods.
LADYHUNSTANTON.WhatareAmericandrygoods?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Americannovels.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Howverysingular!...Well,fromwhateversourceherlarge
fortunecame,IhaveagreatesteemforMissWorsley.Shedressesexceedinglywell.All
Americansdodresswell.TheygettheirclothesinParis.
MRS.ALLONBY.Theysay,LadyHunstanton,thatwhengoodAmericansdietheygo
toParis.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Indeed?AndwhenbadAmericansdie,wheredotheygoto?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oh,theygotoAmerica.
KELVIL.Iamafraidyoudon'tappreciateAmerica,LordIllingworth.Itisavery
remarkablecountry,especiallyconsideringitsyouth.
LORDILLINGWORTH.TheyouthofAmericaistheiroldesttradition.Ithasbeen
goingonnowforthreehundredyears.Tohearthemtalkonewouldimaginetheywerein
theirfirstchildhood.Asfarascivilisationgoestheyareintheirsecond.

KELVIL.ThereisundoubtedlyagreatdealofcorruptioninAmericanpolitics.I
supposeyoualludetothat?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iwonder.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Politicsareinasadwayeverywhere,Iamtold.Theycertainly
areinEngland.DearMr.Cardewisruiningthecountry.IwonderMrs.Cardewallows
him.Iamsure,LordIllingworth,youdon'tthinkthatuneducatedpeopleshouldbe
allowedtohavevotes?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ithinktheyaretheonlypeoplewhoshould.
KELVIL.Doyoutakenosidetheninmodernpolitics,LordIllingworth?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oneshouldnevertakesidesinanything,Mr.Kelvil.Taking
sidesisthebeginningofsincerity,andearnestnessfollowsshortlyafterwards,andthe
humanbeingbecomesabore.However,theHouseofCommonsreally doesverylittle
harm.Youcan'tmakepeoplegoodbyActofParliament, thatissomething.
KELVIL.YoucannotdenythattheHouseofCommonshasalwaysshowngreat
sympathywiththesufferingsofthepoor.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thatisitsspecialvice.Thatisthespecialviceoftheage.
Oneshouldsympathisewiththejoy,thebeauty,thecolouroflife.Thelesssaidabout
life'ssoresthebetter,Mr.Kelvil.
KELVIL.StillourEastEndisaveryimportantproblem.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Quiteso. Itistheproblemofslavery.Andwearetryingto
solveitbyamusingtheslaves.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Certainly,agreatdealmaybedonebymeansofcheap
entertainments,asyousay,LordIllingworth.DearDr.Daubeny,ourrectorhere,
provides,withtheassistanceofhiscurates,reallyadmirablerecreationsforthepoor
duringthewinter.Andmuchgoodmaybedonebymeansofamagiclantern,ora
missionary,orsomepopularamusementofthatkind.
LADYCAROLINE.Iamnotatallinfavourofamusementsforthepoor,Jane.
Blanketsandcoalsaresufficient.Thereistoomuchloveofpleasureamongsttheupper
classesasitis.Healthiswhatwewantinmodernlife.Thetoneisnothealthy,not
healthyatall.
KELVIL.Youarequiteright,LadyCaroline.
LADYCAROLINE.IbelieveIamusuallyright.

MRS.ALLONBY.Horridword'health.'
LORDILLINGWORTH.Silliestwordinourlanguage,andoneknowssowellthe
popularideaofhealth.TheEnglishcountrygentlemangallopingafterafox the
unspeakableinfullpursuitoftheuneatable.
KELVIL.MayIask,LordIllingworth,ifyouregardtheHouseofLordsasabetter
institutionthantheHouseofCommons?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Amuchbetterinstitution,ofcourse.WeintheHouseof
Lordsareneverintouchwithpublicopinion.Thatmakesusacivilisedbody.
KELVIL.Areyouseriousinputtingforwardsuchaview?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Quiteserious,Mr.Kelvil.[ToMRS.ALLONBY.]Vulgar
habitthatispeoplehavenowadaysofaskingone,afteronehasgiventhemanidea,
whetheroneisseriousornot.Nothingisseriousexceptpassion.Theintellectisnota
seriousthing,andneverhasbeen.Itisaninstrumentonwhichoneplays,thatisall.The
onlyseriousformofintellectIknowistheBritishintellect.AndontheBritishintellect
theilliteratesplaythedrum.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Whatareyousaying,LordIllingworth,aboutthedrum?
LORDILLINGWORTH.IwasmerelytalkingtoMrs.Allonbyabouttheleadingarticles
intheLondonnewspapers.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Butdoyoubelieveallthatiswritteninthenewspapers?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ido.Nowadaysitisonlytheunreadablethatoccurs.[Rises
withMRS.ALLONBY.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Areyougoing,Mrs.Allonby?
MRS.ALLONBY.Justasfarastheconservatory.LordIllingworthtoldmethis
morningthattherewasanorchidtherembeautifulasthesevendeadlysins.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydear,Ihopethereisnothingofthekind.Iwillcertainly
speaktothegardener.
[ExitMRS.ALLONBYandLORDILLINGWORTH.]
LADYCAROLINE.Remarkabletype,Mrs.Allonby.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Sheletsherclevertonguerunawaywithhersometimes.

LADYCAROLINE.Isthattheonlything,Jane,Mrs.Allonbyallowstorunawaywith
her?
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ihopeso,Caroline,Iamsure.
[EnterLORDALFRED.]
DearLordAlfred,dojoinus.[LORDALFREDsitsdownbesideLADYSTUTFIELD.]
LADYCAROLINE.Youbelievegoodofeveryone,Jane.Itisagreatfault.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Doyoureally,reallythink,LadyCaroline,thatoneshouldbelieve
evilofeveryone?
LADYCAROLINE.Ithinkitismuchsafertodoso,LadyStutfield.Until,ofcourse,
peoplearefoundouttobegood.Butthatrequiresagreatdealofinvestigationnowadays.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Butthereissomuchunkindscandalinmodernlife.
LADYCAROLINE.LordIllingworthremarkedtomelastnightatdinnerthatthebasis
ofeveryscandalisanabsolutelyimmoralcertainty.
KELVIL.LordIllingworthis,ofcourse,averybrilliantman,butheseemstometobe
lackinginthatfinefaithinthenobilityandpurityoflifewhichissoimportantinthis
century.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Yes,quite,quiteimportant,isitnot?
KELVIL.Hegivesmetheimpressionofamanwhodoesnotappreciatethebeautyof
ourEnglishhomelife.Iwouldsaythathewastaintedwithforeignideasonthesubject.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Thereisnothing,nothinglikethebeautyofhomelife,isthere?
KELVIL.ItisthemainstayofourmoralsysteminEngland,LadyStutfield.Withoutit
wewouldbecomelikeourneighbours.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Thatwouldbeso,sosad,woulditnot?
KELVIL.Iamafraid,too,thatLordIllingworthregardswomansimplyasatoy.Now,I
haveneverregardedwomanasatoy.Womanistheintellectualhelpmeetofmanin
publicasinprivatelife.Withoutherweshouldforgetthetrueideals.[Sitsdownbeside
LADYSTUTFIELD.]
LADYSTUTFIELD.Iamsovery,verygladtohearyousaythat.
LADYCAROLINE.Youamarriedman,Mr.Kettle?

SIRJOHN.Kelvil,dear,Kelvil.
KELVIL.Iammarried,LadyCaroline.
LADYCAROLINE.Family?
KELVIL.Yes.
LADYCAROLINE.Howmany?
KELVIL.Eight.
[LADYSTUTFIELDturnsherattentiontoLORDALFRED.]
LADYCAROLINE.Mrs.Kettleandthechildrenare,Isuppose,attheseaside?[SIR
JOHNshrugshisshoulders.]
KELVIL.Mywifeisattheseasidewiththechildren,LadyCaroline.
LADYCAROLINE.Youwilljointhemlateron,nodoubt?
KELVIL.Ifmypublicengagementspermitme.
LADYCAROLINE.YourpubliclifemustbeagreatsourceofgratificationtoMrs.
Kettle.
SIRJOHN.Kelvil,mylove,Kelvil.
LADYSTUTFIELD.[ToLORDALFRED.]Howvery,verycharmingthosegold
tippedcigarettesofyoursare,LordAlfred.
LORDALFRED.Theyareawfully expensive.IcanonlyaffordthemwhenI'mindebt.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Itmustbeterribly,terriblydistressingtobeindebt.
LORDALFRED.Onemusthavesomeoccupationnowadays.IfIhadn'tmydebtsI
shouldn'thaveanythingtothinkabout.AllthechapsIknowareindebt.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Butdon'tthepeopletowhomyouowethemoneygiveyouagreat,
greatdealofannoyance?
[EnterFootman.]
LORDALFRED.Oh,no,theywriteIdon't.

LADYSTUTFIELD.Howvery,verystrange.
LADYHUNSTANTON. Ah,hereisaletter,Caroline,fromdearMrs.Arbuthnot.She
won'tdine.Iamsosorry.Butshewillcomeintheevening.Iamverypleasedindeed.
Sheisoneofthesweetestofwomen.Writesabeautifulhand,too,solarge,sofirm.
[Handsletter toLADYCAROLINE.]
LADYCAROLINE.[Lookingatit.]Alittlelackinginfemininity,Jane.Femininityis
thequalityIadmiremostinwomen.
LADYHUNSTANTON.[Takingbackletterandleavingitontable.]Oh!sheisvery
feminine,Caroline,andsogood too.YoushouldhearwhattheArchdeaconsaysofher.
Heregardsherashisrighthandintheparish.[Footmanspeakstoher.]IntheYellow
Drawingroom.Shallweallgoin?LadyStutfield,shallwegointotea?
LADYSTUTFIELD.Withpleasure,LadyHunstanton.[Theyriseandproceedtogooff.
SIRJOHNofferstocarryLADYSTUTFIELD'Scloak.]
LADYCAROLINE.John!IfyouwouldallowyournephewtolookafterLady
Stutfield'scloak,youmighthelpmewithmyworkbasket.
[EnterLORDILLINGWORTHandMRS.ALLONBY.]
SIRJOHN.Certainly,mylove.[Exeunt.]
MRS.ALLONBY.Curiousthing,plainwomenarealwaysjealousoftheirhusbands,
beautifulwomenneverare!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Beautifulwomenneverhavetime.Theyarealwaysso
occupiedinbeingjealousofotherpeople'shusbands.
MRS.ALLONBY.IshouldhavethoughtLadyCarolinewouldhavegrowntiredof
conjugalanxietybythistime!SirJohnisherfourth!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Somuchmarriageiscertainlynotbecoming.Twentyyearsof
romancemakeawomanlooklikearuinbuttwentyyearsofmarriagemakeher
somethinglikeapublicbuilding.
MRS.ALLONBY.Twentyyearsofromance!Istheresuchathing?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Notinourday.Womenhavebecometoobrilliant.Nothing
spoilsaromancesomuchasasenseofhumourinthewoman.
MRS.ALLONBY.Orthewantofitintheman.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Youarequiteright.InaTempleeveryoneshouldbeserious,
exceptthethingthatisworshipped.
MRS.ALLONBY.Andthatshouldbeman?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Womenkneelsogracefullymendon't.
MRS.ALLONBY.YouarethinkingofLadyStutfield!
LORDILLINGWORTH.IassureyouIhavenotthoughtofLadyStutfieldforthelast
quarterofanhour.
MRS.ALLONBY.Isshesuchamystery?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Sheismorethanamystery sheisamood.
MRS.ALLONBY.Moodsdon'tlast.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Itistheirchiefcharm.
[EnterHESTERandGERALD.]
GERALD.LordIllingworth,everyonehasbeencongratulatingme,LadyHunstanton
andLadyCaroline,and...everyone.IhopeIshallmakeagoodsecretary.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Youwillbethepatternsecretary,Gerald.[Talkstohim.]
MRS.ALLONBY.Youenjoycountrylife,MissWorsley?
HESTER.Verymuchindeed.
MRS.ALLONBY. Don'tfindyourselflongingforaLondondinnerparty?
HESTER.IdislikeLondondinnerparties.
MRS.ALLONBY.Iadorethem.Thecleverpeopleneverlisten,andthestupidpeople
nevertalk.
HESTER.Ithinkthestupidpeopletalkagreatdeal.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah,Ineverlisten!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Mydearboy,ifIdidn'tlikeyouIwouldn'thavemadeyouthe
offer.ItisbecauseIlikeyousomuchthatIwanttohaveyouwithme.
[ExitHESTERwithGERALD.]

Charmingfellow,GeraldArbuthnot!
MRS.ALLONBY.Heisveryniceveryniceindeed.ButIcan'tstandtheAmerican
younglady.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Why?
MRS.ALLONBY.Shetoldmeyesterday,andinquitealoudvoicetoo,thatshewas
onlyeighteen.Itwasmostannoying.
LORDILLINGWORTH. Oneshouldnevertrustawomanwhotellsoneherrealage.A
womanwhowouldtellonethat,wouldtelloneanything.
MRS.ALLONBY.SheisaPuritanbesides
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ah,thatisinexcusable.Idon'tmindplainwomenbeing
Puritans.Itistheonlyexcusetheyhaveforbeingplain.Butsheisdecidedlypretty.I
admireherimmensely.[LookssteadfastlyatMRS.ALLONBY.]
MRS.ALLONBY.Whatathoroughlybadmanyoumustbe!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatdoyoucallabadman?
MRS.ALLONBY.Thesortofmanwhoadmiresinnocence.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Andabadwoman?
MRS.ALLONBY.Oh!thesortofwomanamannevergetstiredof.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Youaresevere onyourself.
MRS.ALLONBY.Defineusasasex.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Sphinxeswithoutsecrets.
MRS.ALLONBY.DoesthatincludethePuritanwomen?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Doyouknow,Idon'tbelieveintheexistenceofPuritan
women?Idon'tthinkthereisawomanintheworldwhowouldnotbealittleflatteredif
onemadelovetoher.Itisthatwhichmakeswomensoirresistiblyadorable.
MRS.ALLONBY.Youthinkthereisnowomanintheworldwhowouldobjecttobeing
kissed?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Veryfew.

MRS.ALLONBY.MissWorsleywouldnotletyoukissher.
LORDILLINGWORTH. Areyousure?
MRS.ALLONBY.Quite.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatdoyouthinkshe'ddoifIkissedher?
MRS.ALLONBY.Eithermarryyou,orstrikeyouacrossthefacewithherglove.What
wouldyoudoifshestruckyouacrossthefacewithherglove?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Fallinlovewithher,probably.
MRS.ALLONBY.Thenitisluckyyouarenotgoingtokissher!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Isthatachallenge?
MRS.ALLONBY.Itisanarrowshotintotheair.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Don'tyouknowthatIalwayssucceedinwhateverItry?
MRS.ALLONBY.Iamsorrytohearit.Wewomenadorefailures.Theyleanonus.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Youworshipsuccesses.Youclingtothem.
MRS.ALLONBY.Wearethelaurelstohidetheirbaldness.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Andthey needyoualways,exceptatthemomentoftriumph.
MRS.ALLONBY.Theyareuninterestingthen.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Howtantalisingyouare![Apause.]
MRS.ALLONBY.LordIllingworth,thereisonethingIshallalwayslikeyoufor.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Onlyonething?AndIhavesomanybadqualities.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah,don'tbetooconceitedaboutthem.Youmaylosethemasyou
growold.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ineverintendtogrowold.Thesoulisbornoldbutgrows
young.Thatisthecomedyoflife.
MRS.ALLONBY.Andthebodyisbornyoungandgrowsold.Thatislife'stragedy.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Itscomedyalso,sometimes.Butwhatisthemysterious
reasonwhyyouwillalwayslikeme?
MRS.ALLONBY.Itisthatyouhavenevermadelovetome.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ihaveneverdoneanythingelse.
MRS.ALLONBY.Really?Ihavenotnoticedit.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Howfortunate!Itmighthavebeenatragedyforbothofus.
MRS.ALLONBY.Weshouldeachhavesurvived.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Onecansurviveeverythingnowadays,exceptdeath,andlive
downanythingexceptagoodreputation.
MRS.ALLONBY.Haveyoutriedagoodreputation?
LORDILLINGWORTH.ItisoneofthemanyannoyancestowhichIhaveneverbeen
subjected.
MRS.ALLONBY.Itmaycome.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whydoyouthreatenme?
MRS.ALLONBY.IwilltellyouwhenyouhavekissedthePuritan.
[EnterFootman.]
FRANCIS.TeaisservedintheYellowDrawingroom,mylord.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Tellherladyshipwearecomingin.
FRANCIS.Yes,mylord.
[Exit.]
LORDILLINGWORTH.Shallwegointotea?
MRS.ALLONBY.Doyoulikesuchsimplepleasures?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iadoresimplepleasures.Theyarethelastrefugeofthe
complex.But,ifyouwish,letusstayhere.Yes,letusstayhere.TheBookofLife
beginswithamanandawomaninagarden.
MRS.ALLONBY.ItendswithRevelations.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Youfencedivinely.Butthebuttonhascomeofyourfoil.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ihavestillthemask.
LORDILLINGWORTH. Itmakesyoureyeslovelier.
MRS.ALLONBY.Thankyou.Come.
LORDILLINGWORTH.[SeesMRS.ARBUTHNOT'Sletterontable,andtakesitup
andlooksatenvelope.]Whatacurioushandwriting!Itremindsmeofthehandwritingof
awomanIusedtoknowyearsago.
MRS.ALLONBY.Who?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oh!noone.Nooneinparticular.Awomanofnoimportance.
[Throwsletterdown,andpassesupthestepsoftheterracewithMRS.ALLONBY.They
smileateachother.]
ACTDROP.

SECONDACT
SCENEDrawingroomatHunstanton,afterdinner,lampslit.Door
L.C.DoorR.C.
[Ladiesseatedonsofas.]
MRS.ALLONBY.Whatacomfortitistohavegotridofthemenforalittle!
LADYSTUTFIELD.Yesmenpersecuteusdreadfully,don'tthey?
MRS.ALLONBY.Persecuteus?Iwishtheydid.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydear!
MRS.ALLONBY.Theannoyingthingisthatthewretchescanbeperfectlyhappy
withoutus.ThatiswhyIthinkitiseverywoman'sdutynevertoleavethemalonefora
singlemoment,exceptduringthisshortbreathingspaceafterdinnerwithoutwhichI
believewepoorwomenwouldbeabsolutelyworntoshadows.
[EnterServantswithcoffee.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Worntoshadows,dear?
MRS.ALLONBY.Yes,LadyHunstanton.Itissuchastrainkeepingmen uptothe
mark.Theyarealwaystryingtoescapefromus.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Itseemstomethatitiswewhoarealwaystryingtoescapefrom
them.Menaresovery,veryheartless.Theyknowtheirpoweranduseit.
LADYCAROLINE.[TakescoffeefromServant.]Whatstuffandnonsenseallthis
aboutmenis!Thethingtodoistokeepmenintheirproperplace.
MRS.ALLONBY.Butwhatistheirproperplace,LadyCaroline?
LADYCAROLINE.Lookingaftertheirwives,Mrs.Allonby.
MRS.ALLONBY.[TakescoffeefromServant.]Really?Andifthey'renotmarried?
LADYCAROLINE.Iftheyarenotmarried,theyshouldbelookingafterawife.It's
perfectlyscandaloustheamountofbachelorswhoaregoingaboutsociety.Thereshould
bealawpassedtocompelthemalltomarrywithintwelvemonths.
LADYSTUTFIELD.[Refusescoffee.]Butifthey'reinlovewithsomeonewho,
perhaps,istiedtoanother?

LADYCAROLINE.Inthatcase,LadyStutfield,theyshouldbemarriedoffinaweekto
someplainrespectablegirl,inordertoteachthemnottomeddlewithotherpeople's
property.
MRS.ALLONBY.Idon'tthinkthatweshouldeverbespokenofasotherpeople's
property.Allmenaremarriedwomen'sproperty.Thatistheonlytruedefinitionofwhat
marriedwomen'spropertyreallyis.Butwedon'tbelongtoanyone.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Oh,Iamsovery,verygladtohearyousayso.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Butdoyoureallythink,dearCaroline,thatlegislationwould
improvemattersinanyway?Iamtoldthat,nowadays,allthemarriedmenlivelike
bachelors,andallthebachelorslikemarriedmen.
MRS.ALLONBY.Icertainlyneverknowonefromtheother.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Oh,Ithinkonecanalwaysknowatoncewhetheramanhashome
claimsuponhislifeornot.Ihavenoticedavery,verysadexpressionintheeyesofso
manymarriedmen.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah,allthatIhavenoticedisthattheyarehorriblytediouswhenthey
aregoodhusbands,andabominablyconceitedwhentheyarenot.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Well,Isupposethetypeofhusbandhascompletelychanged
sincemyyoungdays,butI'mboundtostatethatpoordearHunstantonwasthemost
delightfulofcreatures,andasgoodasgold.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah,myhusbandisasortofpromissorynoteI'mtiredofmeeting
him.
LADYCAROLINE.Butyourenewhimfromtimetotime,don'tyou?
MRS.ALLONBY.Ohno,LadyCaroline.Ihaveonlyhadonehusbandasyet.I
supposeyoulookuponmeasquiteanamateur.
LADYCAROLINE.WithyourviewsonlifeIwonderyoumarriedatall.
MRS.ALLONBY.SodoI.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydearchild,Ibelieveyouarereallyveryhappyinyour
marriedlife,butthatyouliketohideyourhappinessfromothers.
MRS.ALLONBY.IassureyouIwashorriblydeceivedinErnest.

LADYHUNSTANTON.Oh,Ihopenot,dear.Iknewhismotherquitewell.Shewasa
Stratton,Caroline,oneofLordCrowland'sdaughters
LADYCAROLINE.VictoriaStratton?Irememberherperfectly.Asillyfairhaired
womanwithnochin.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah,Ernesthasachin.Hehasaverystrongchin,asquarechin.
Ernest'schinisfartoosquare.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Butdoyoureallythinkaman'schincanbetoosquare?Ithinka
manshouldlookvery,verystrong,andthathischinshouldbequite,quitesquare.
MRS.ALLONBY.ThenyoushouldcertainlyknowErnest,LadyStutfield.Itisonly
fairtotellyoubeforehandhehasgotnoconversationatall.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Iadoresilentmen.
MRS.ALLONBY.Oh,Ernestisn'tsilent.Hetalksthewholetime.Buthehasgotno
conversation.WhathetalksaboutIdon'tknow.Ihaven'tlistenedtohimforyears.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Haveyouneverforgivenhimthen?Howsadthatseems!Butall
lifeisvery,verysad,isitnot?
MRS.ALLONBY.Life,LadyStutfield,issimplyaMAUVAISQUARTD'HEURE
madeupofexquisitemoments.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Yes,therearemoments,certainly.Butwasitsomethingvery,
verywrongthatMr.Allonbydid?Didhebecomeangrywithyou,andsayanythingthat
wasunkindortrue?
MRS.ALLONBY.Ohdear,no.Ernestisinvariablycalm.Thatisoneofthereasonshe
alwaysgetsonmynerves.Nothingissoaggravatingascalmness.Thereissomething
positivelybrutalaboutthegoodtemperofmostmodernmen.Iwonderwewomen stand
itaswellaswedo.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Yesmen'sgoodtempershowstheyarenotsosensitiveasweare,
notsofinelystrung.Itmakesagreatbarrieroftenbetweenhusbandandwife,doesit
not?ButIwouldsomuchliketoknowwhatwasthewrongthingMr.Allonbydid.
MRS.ALLONBY.Well,Iwilltellyou,ifyousolemnlypromisetotelleverybodyelse.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Thankyou,thankyou.Iwillmakeapointofrepeatingit.
MRS.ALLONBY.WhenErnestandIwereengaged,hesworetomepositivelyonhis
kneesthathehadneverlovedanyonebeforeinthewholecourseofhislife.Iwasvery
youngatthetime,soIdidn'tbelievehim,Ineedn'ttellyou.Unfortunately,however,I

madenoenquiriesofanykindtillafterIhadbeenactuallymarriedfourorfivemonths.I
foundoutthenthatwhathehadtoldmewasperfectlytrue.Andthatsortofthingmakes
amansoabsolutelyuninteresting.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydear!
MRS.ALLONBY.Menalwayswanttobeawoman'sfirstlove.Thatistheirclumsy
vanity.Wewomenhaveamoresubtleinstinctaboutthings.Whatwelikeistobea
man'slastromance.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Iseewhatyoumean.It'svery,verybeautiful.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydearchild,youdon'tmeantotellmethatyouwon'tforgive
yourhusbandbecauseheneverlovedanyoneelse?Didyoueverhearsuchathing,
Caroline?Iamquitesurprised.
LADYCAROLINE.Oh,womenhavebecomesohighlyeducated,Jane,thatnothing
shouldsurpriseusnowadays,excepthappymarriages.Theyapparentlyaregetting
remarkablyrare.
MRS.ALLONBY.Oh,they'requiteoutofdate.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Exceptamongstthemiddleclasses,Ihavebeentold.
MRS.ALLONBY.Howlikethemiddleclasses!
LADYSTUTFIELD.Yesisitnot? very,verylikethem.
LADYCAROLINE.Ifwhatyoutellusaboutthemiddleclassesistrue,LadyStutfield,
itredoundsgreatlytotheircredit.Itismuchtoberegrettedthatinourrankoflifethe
wifeshouldbesopersistentlyfrivolous,undertheimpression apparentlythatitisthe
properthingtobe.ItistothatIattributetheunhappinessofsomanymarriagesweall
knowofinsociety.
MRS.ALLONBY.Doyouknow,LadyCaroline,Idon'tthinkthefrivolityofthewife
haseveranythingtodowithit.Moremarriagesareruinednowadaysbythecommon
senseofthehusbandthanbyanythingelse.Howcanawomanbeexpectedtobehappy
withamanwhoinsistsontreatingherasifshewereaperfectlyrationalbeing?
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydear!
MRS.ALLONBY.Man,poor,awkward,reliable,necessarymanbelongstoasexthat
hasbeenrationalformillionsandmillionsofyears.Hecan'thelphimself.Itisinhis
race.TheHistoryofWomanisverydifferent.Wehavealwaysbeenpicturesque
protestsagainstthemereexistenceofcommonsense.Wesawitsdangersfromthefirst.

LADYSTUTFIELD.Yes,thecommonsenseofhusbandsiscertainlymost,mosttrying.
DotellmeyourconceptionoftheIdealHusband.Ithinkitwouldbesovery,very
helpful.
MRS.ALLONBY.TheIdealHusband?Therecouldn'tbesuchathing.Theinstitution
iswrong.
LADYSTUTFIELD.TheIdealMan,then,inhisrelationstoUS.
LADYCAROLINE.Hewouldprobablybeextremelyrealistic.
MRS.CAROLINE.TheIdealMan!Oh,theIdealManshouldtalktousasifwewere
goddesses,andtreatusasifwewerechildren.Heshouldrefuseallourseriousrequests,
andgratifyeveryoneofourwhims.Heshouldencourageustohavecaprices,andforbid
ustohavemissions.Heshouldalwayssaymuchmorethanhemeans,andalwaysmean
muchmorethanhesays.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Buthowcouldhedoboth,dear?
MRS.ALLONBY.Heshouldneverrundownotherprettywomen.Thatwouldshowhe
hadnotaste,ormakeonesuspectthathehadtoomuch.Noheshouldbeniceabout
themall,butsaythatsomehowtheydon'tattracthim.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Yes,thatisalwaysvery,verypleasanttohearaboutotherwomen.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ifweaskhimaquestionaboutanything,heshouldgiveusananswer
allaboutourselves.Heshouldinvariablypraiseusforwhateverqualitiesheknowswe
haven'tgot.Butheshouldbepitiless,quitepitiless,inreproachingusforthevirtuesthat
wehaveneverdreamedofpossessing.Heshouldneverbelievethatweknowtheuseof
usefulthings.Thatwouldbeunforgiveable.Butheshouldshoweronuseverythingwe
don'twant.
LADYCAROLINE.AsfarasIcansee,heistodonothingbutpaybillsand
compliments.
MRS.ALLONBY.Heshouldpersistentlycompromiseusinpublic,andtreatuswith
absoluterespectwhenwearealone.Andyetheshouldbealwaysreadytohavea
perfectlyterriblescene,wheneverwewantone,andtobecomemiserable,absolutely
miserable,atamoment'snotice,andtooverwhelmuswithjustreproachesinlessthan
twentyminutes,andtobepositivelyviolentattheendofhalfanhour,andtoleaveusfor
everataquartertoeight,whenwehavetogoanddressfordinner.Andwhen,afterthat,
onehasseenhimforreallythelasttime,andhehasrefusedtotakebackthelittlethings
hehasgivenone,andpromisednevertocommunicatewithoneagain,ortowriteoneany
foolishletters,heshouldbeperfectlybrokenhearted,andtelegraphtoonealldaylong,
andsendonelittlenotesevery halfhourbyaprivatehansom,anddinequitealoneatthe
club,sothateveryoneshouldknowhowunhappyhewas.Andafterawholedreadful

week,duringwhichonehasgoneabouteverywherewithone'shusband,justtoshowhow
absolutelylonelyonewas,hemaybegivenathirdlastparting,intheevening,andthen,
ifhisconducthasbeenquiteirreproachable,andonehasbehavedreallybadlytohim,he
shouldbeallowedtoadmitthathehasbeenentirelyinthewrong,andwhenhehas
admittedthat,itbecomesawoman'sdutytoforgive,andonecandoitalloveragainfrom
thebeginning,withvariations.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Howcleveryouare,mydear!Younevermeanasingleword
yousay.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Thankyou,thankyou.Ithasbeenquite,quiteentrancing.Imust
tryandrememberitall.Therearesuchanumberofdetailsthataresovery,very
important.
LADYCAROLINE.ButyouhavenottoldusyetwhattherewardoftheIdealManisto
be.
MRS.ALLONBY.Hisreward?Oh,infiniteexpectation.Thatisquiteenoughforhim.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Butmenaresoterribly,terriblyexacting,aretheynot?
MRS.ALLONBY.Thatmakesnomatter.Oneshouldneversurrender.
LADYSTUTFIELD.NoteventotheIdealMan?
MRS.ALLONBY.Certainlynottohim.Unless,ofcourse,onewantstogrowtiredof
him.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Oh!...yes.Iseethat.Itisvery,veryhelpful.Doyouthink,
Mrs.Allonby,IshallevermeettheIdealMan?Oraretheremorethanone?
MRS.ALLONBY.TherearejustfourinLondon,LadyStutfield.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Oh,mydear!
MRS.ALLONBY.[Goingovertoher.]Whathashappened?Dotellme.
LADYHUNSTANTON[inalowvoice]IhadcompletelyforgottenthattheAmerican
youngladyhasbeenintheroomallthetime. Iamafraidsomeofthisclevertalkmay
haveshockedheralittle.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah,thatwilldohersomuchgood!
LADYHUNSTANTON.Letushopeshedidn'tunderstandmuch.IthinkIhadbettergo
overandtalktoher.[RisesandgoesacrosstoHESTERWORSLEY.]Well,dearMiss
Worsley.[Sittingdownbesideher.]Howquietyouhavebeeninyournicelittlecorner

allthistime!Isupposeyouhavebeenreadingabook?Therearesomanybooksherein
thelibrary.
HESTER.No,Ihavebeenlisteningtotheconversation.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Youmustn'tbelieveeverythingthatwassaid,youknow,dear.
HESTER.Ididn'tbelieveanyofit
LADYHUNSTANTON.Thatisquiteright,dear.
HESTER.[Continuing.]Icouldn'tbelievethatanywomencouldreallyholdsuchviews
oflifeasIhaveheardtonightfromsomeofyourguests.[Anawkwardpause.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.IhearyouhavesuchpleasantsocietyinAmerica.Quitelike
ourowninplaces,mysonwrotetome.
HESTER.TherearecliquesinAmericaaselsewhere,LadyHunstanton.Buttrue
Americansocietyconsistssimplyofallthegoodwomenandgoodmenwehaveinour
country.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Whatasensiblesystem,andIdaresayquitepleasanttoo.Iam
afraidinEnglandwehavetoomanyartificialsocialbarriers.Wedon'tseeasmuchaswe
shouldofthemiddleandlowerclasses.
HESTER.InAmericawehavenolowerclasses.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Really?Whataverystrangearrangement!
MRS.ALLONBY.Whatisthatdreadfulgirltalkingabout?
LADYSTUTFIELD.Sheispainfullynatural,isshenot?
LADYCAROLINE.Thereareagreatmanythingsyouhaven'tgotinAmerica,Iam
told,MissWorsley.Theysayyouhavenoruins,andnocuriosities.
MRS.ALLONBY.[ToLADYSTUTFIELD.]Whatnonsense!Theyhavetheirmothers
andtheirmanners.
HESTER.TheEnglisharistocracysupplyuswithourcuriosities,LadyCaroline.They
aresentovertouseverysummer,regularly,inthesteamers,andproposetoustheday
aftertheyland.Asforruins,wearetryingtobuildupsomethingthatwilllastlonger
thanbrickorstone.[Getsuptotakeherfanfromtable.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Whatisthat,dear?Ah,yes,anironExhibition,isitnot,atthat
placethathasthecuriousname?

HESTER.[Standingbytable.]Wearetryingtobuilduplife,LadyHunstanton,ona
better,truer,purerbasisthanliferestsonhere.Thissoundsstrangetoyouall,nodoubt.
Howcoulditsoundotherthanstrange?YourichpeopleinEngland,youdon'tknowhow
youareliving.Howcouldyouknow?Youshutoutfromyoursocietythegentleandthe
good.Youlaughatthesimpleandthepure.Living,asyoualldo,onothersandby
them,yousneeratselfsacrifice,andifyouthrowbreadtothepoor,itismerelytokeep
themquietforaseason.Withallyourpompandwealthandartyoudon'tknowhowto
liveyoudon'tevenknowthat.Youlovethebeautythatyoucanseeandtouchand
handle,thebeautythatyoucandestroy,anddodestroy,butoftheunseenbeautyoflife,
oftheunseenbeautyofahigherlife,youknownothing.Youhavelostlife'ssecret.Oh,
yourEnglishsocietyseemstomeshallow,selfish,foolish.Ithasblindeditseyes,and
stoppeditsears.Itlieslikealeperinpurple.Itsitslikeadeadthingsmearedwithgold.
Itisallwrong,allwrong.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Idon'tthinkoneshouldknowofthesethings.Itisnotvery,very
nice,isit?
LADYHUNSTANTON.MydearMissWorsley,IthoughtyoulikedEnglishsocietyso
much.Youweresuchasuccessinit.Andyouweresomuchadmiredbythebest
people.IquiteforgetwhatLordHenryWestonsaidofyoubutitwasmost
complimentary,andyouknowwhatanauthorityheisonbeauty.
HESTER.LordHenryWeston!Irememberhim,LadyHunstanton.Amanwitha
hideoussmileandahideouspast.Heisaskedeverywhere.Nodinnerpartyiscomplete
withouthim.Whatofthosewhoseruinisduetohim?Theyareoutcasts.Theyare
nameless.Ifyoumettheminthestreetyouwouldturnyourheadaway.Idon'tcomplain
oftheirpunishment.Letallwomenwhohavesinnedbepunished.
[MRS.ARBUTHNOTentersfromterracebehindinacloakwithalaceveiloverher
head.Shehearsthelastwordsandstarts.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydearyounglady!
HESTER.Itisrightthattheyshouldbepunished,butdon'tletthembetheonlyonesto
suffer.Ifamanandwomanhavesinned,letthembothgoforthintothedeserttoloveor
loatheeachotherthere.Letthembothbebranded.Setamark,ifyouwish,oneach,but
don'tpunishtheoneandlettheothergofree.Don'thaveonelawformenandanother
forwomen.YouareunjusttowomeninEngland.Andtillyoucountwhatisashamein
awomantobeaninfamyinaman,youwillalwaysbeunjust,andRight,thatpillarof
fire,andWrong,thatpillarofcloud,willbemadedimtoyoureyes,orbenotseenatall,
orifseen,notregarded
LADYCAROLINE.MightI,dearMissWorsley,asyouarestandingup,askyouformy
cottonthatisjustbehindyou?Thankyou.

LADYHUNSTANTON.MydearMrs.Arbuthnot!Iamsopleasedyouhavecomeup.
ButIdidn'thearyouannounced.
MRS.ALLONBY.Oh,Icamestraightinfromtheterrace,LadyHunstanton,justasI
was.Youdidn'ttellmeyouhadaparty.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Notaparty.Onlyafewguestswhoarestayinginthehouse,
andwhomyoumustknow.Allowme.[Triestohelpher.Ringsbell.]Caroline,thisis
Mrs.Arbuthnot,oneofmysweetestfriends.LadyCarolinePontefract,LadyStutfield,
Mrs.Allonby,andmyyoungAmericanfriend,MissWorsley,whohasjustbeentelling
usallhowwickedweare.
HESTER.IamafraidyouthinkIspoketoostrongly,LadyHunstanton.Butthereare
somethingsinEngland
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydearyounglady,therewasagreatdealoftruth,Idaresay,
inwhatyousaid,andyoulookedveryprettywhileyousaidit,whichismuchmore
important,LordIllingworthwouldtellus.TheonlypointwhereIthoughtyouwerea
littlehardwasaboutLadyCaroline'sbrother,aboutpoorLordHenry.Heisreallysuch
goodcompany.
[EnterFootman.]
TakeMrs.Arbuthnot'sthings.
[ExitFootmanwithwraps.]
HESTER.LadyCaroline,Ihadnoideaitwasyourbrother.IamsorryforthepainI
musthavecausedyou I
LADYCAROLINE.MydearMissWorsley,theonlypartofyourlittlespeech,ifImay
sotermit,withwhichIthoroughlyagreed,wasthepartaboutmybrother.Nothingthat
youcouldpossiblysaycouldbetoobadforhim.IregardHenryasinfamous,absolutely
infamous.ButIamboundtostate,asyouwereremarking,Jane,thatheisexcellent
company,andhehasoneofthebestcooksinLondon,andafteragooddinneronecan
forgiveanybody,evenone'sownrelations.
LADYHUNSTANTON[toMISSWORSLEY]Now,docome,dear,andmakefriends
withMrs.Arbuthnot.Sheisoneofthegood,sweet,simplepeopleyoutolduswenever
admittedintosociety.IamsorrytosayMrs.Arbuthnotcomesveryrarelytome.But
thatisnotmyfault.
MRS.ALLONBY. Whataboreitisthemenstayingsolongafterdinner!Iexpectthey
aresayingthemostdreadfulthingsaboutus.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Doyoureallythinkso?

MRS.ALLONBY.Iwassureofit.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Howvery,veryhorridofthem!Shallwegoontotheterrace?
MRS.ALLONBY.Oh,anythingtogetawayfromthedowagersandthedowdies.[Rises
andgoeswithLADYSTUTFIELDtodoorL.C.]Weareonlygoingtolookatthestars,
LadyHunstanton.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Youwillfindagreatmany,dear,agreatmany.Butdon'tcatch
cold.[ToMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]WeshallallmissGeraldsomuch,dearMrs.
Arbuthnot.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ButhasLordIllingworthreallyofferedtomakeGeraldhis
secretary?
LADYHUNSTANTON.Oh,yes!Hehasbeenmostcharmingaboutit.Hehasthe
highestpossibleopinionofyourboy.Youdon'tknowLordIllingworth,Ibelieve,dear.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ihavenevermethim.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Youknowhimbyname,nodoubt?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.IamafraidIdon't.Ilivesomuch outoftheworld,andseeso
fewpeople.IrememberhearingyearsagoofanoldLordIllingworthwholivedin
Yorkshire,Ithink.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,yes.ThatwouldbethelastEarlbutone.Hewasavery
curiousman.Hewantedtomarrybeneathhim.Orwouldn't,Ibelieve.Therewassome
scandalaboutit.ThepresentLordIllingworthisquitedifferent.Heisvery
distinguished.Hedoes well,hedoesnothing,whichIamafraidourprettyAmerican
visitorherethinksverywrongofanybody,andIdon'tknowthathecaresmuchforthe
subjectsinwhichyouaresointerested,dearMrs.Arbuthnot.Doyouthink,Caroline,
thatLordIllingworthisinterestedintheHousingofthePoor?
LADYCAROLINE.Ishouldfancynotatall,Jane.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Weallhaveourdifferenttastes,havewenot?ButLord
Illingworthhasaveryhighposition,andthereisnothinghecouldn'tgetifhechoseto
askforit.Ofcourse,heiscomparativelyayoungmanstill,andhehasonlycometohis
titlewithinhowlongexactlyisit,Caroline,sinceLordIllingworthsucceeded?
LADYCAROLINE.Aboutfouryears,Ithink,Jane.Iknowitwasthesameyearin
whichmybrotherhadhislastexposureintheeveningnewspapers.

LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,Iremember.Thatwouldbeaboutfouryearsago.Of
course,therewereagreatmanypeoplebetweenthepresentLordIllingworthandthetitle,
Mrs.Arbuthnot.Therewaswhowasthere,Caroline?
LADYCAROLINE.TherewaspoorMargaret'sbaby.Yourememberhowanxiousshe
wastohaveaboy,anditwasaboy,butitdied,andherhusbanddiedshortlyafterwards,
andshemarriedalmostimmediatelyoneofLordAscot'ssons,who,Iamtold,beatsher.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,thatisinthefamily,dear,thatisinthefamily.Andthere
wasalso,Iremember,aclergymanwhowantedtobealunatic,oralunaticwhowanted
tobeaclergyman,Iforgetwhich,butIknowtheCourtofChanceryinvestigatedthe
matter,anddecidedthathewasquitesane.AndIsawhimafterwardsatpoorLord
Plumstead'swithstrawsinhishair,orsomethingveryoddabouthim.Ican'trecallwhat.
Ioftenregret,LadyCaroline,thatdearLadyCecilianeverlivedtoseehersongetthe
title.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.LadyCecilia?
LADYHUNSTANTON.LordIllingworth'smother,dearMrs.Arbuthnot,wasoneof
theDuchessofJerningham'sprettydaughters,andshemarriedSirThomasHarford,who
wasn'tconsideredaverygoodmatchforheratthetime,thoughhewassaidtobethe
handsomestmaninLondon.Iknewthemallquiteintimately,andboththesons,Arthur
andGeorge.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Itwastheeldestsonwhosucceeded,ofcourse,Lady
Hunstanton?
LADYHUNSTANTON.No,dear,hewaskilledinthehuntingfield.Orwasitfishing,
Caroline?Iforget.ButGeorgecameinforeverything.Ialwaystellhimthatno
youngersonhaseverhadsuchgoodluckashehashad.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.LadyHunstanton,IwanttospeaktoGeraldatonce.MightIsee
him?Canhebesentfor?
LADYHUNSTANTON.Certainly,dear.Iwillsendoneoftheservantsintothedining
roomtofetchhim.Idon'tknowwhatkeepsthegentlemensolong.[Ringsbell.]WhenI
knewLordIllingworthfirstasplainGeorgeHarford,hewassimplyaverybrilliant
youngmanabouttown,withnotapennyofmoneyexceptwhatpoordearLadyCecilia
gavehim.Shewasquitedevotedtohim.Chiefly,Ifancy,becausehewasonbadterms
withhisfather.Oh,hereisthedearArchdeacon.[ToServant.]Itdoesn'tmatter.
[EnterSIRJOHNandDOCTORDAUBENY.SIRJOHNgoesovertoLADY
STUTFIELD,DOCTORDAUBENYtoLADYHUNSTANTON.]
THEARCHDEACON.LordIllingworthhasbeenmostentertaining.Ihavenever
enjoyedmyselfmore.[SeesMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]Ah,Mrs.Arbuthnot.

LADYHUNSTANTON.[ToDOCTORDAUBENY.]YouseeIhavegotMrs.
Arbuthnottocometomeatlast.
THEARCHDEACON.Thatisagreathonour,LadyHunstanton.Mrs.Daubenywillbe
quitejealousofyou.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,IamsosorryMrs.Daubenycouldnotcomewithyouto
night.Headacheasusual,Isuppose.
THEARCHDEACON.Yes,LadyHunstantonaperfectmartyr.Butsheishappiest
alone.Sheishappiestalone.
LADYCAROLINE.[Toherhusband.]John![SIRJOHNgoesovertohiswife.
DOCTORDAUBENYtalkstoLADYHUNSTANTONandMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]
[MRS.ARBUTHNOTwatchesLORDILLINGWORTHthewholetime.Hehaspassed
acrosstheroomwithoutnoticingher,andapproachesMRS.ALLONBY,whowith
LADYSTUTFIELDisstandingbythedoorlookingontotheterrace.]
LORDILLINGWORTH.Howisthemostcharmingwomanintheworld?
MRS.ALLONBY.[TakingLADYSTUTFIELDbythehand.]Wearebothquitewell,
thankyou,LordIllingworth.Butwhatashorttimeyouhavebeeninthediningroom!It
seemsasifwehadonlyjustleft.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iwasboredtodeath.Neveropenedmylipsthewholetime.
Absolutelylongingtocomeintoyou.
MRS.ALLONBY.Youshouldhave.TheAmericangirlhasbeengivingusalecture.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Really?AllAmericanslecture,I believe.Isupposeitis
somethingintheirclimate.Whatdidshelectureabout?
MRS.ALLONBY.Oh,Puritanism,ofcourse.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iamgoingtoconverther,amInot?Howlongdoyougive
me?
MRS.ALLONBY.Aweek.
LORDILLINGWORTH.A weekismorethanenough.
[EnterGERALDandLORDALFRED.]
GERALD.[GoingtoMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]Dearmother!

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Gerald,Idon'tfeelatallwell.Seemehome,Gerald.Ishouldn't
havecome.
GERALD.Iamsosorry,mother.Certainly.ButyoumustknowLordIllingworthfirst.
[Goesacrossroom.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Nottonight,Gerald.
GERALD.LordIllingworth,Iwantyousomuchtoknowmymother.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Withthegreatestpleasure.[ToMRS.ALLONBY.]I'llbe
backinamoment.People'smothersalwaysboremetodeath.Allwomenbecomelike
theirmothers.Thatistheirtragedy.
MRS.ALLONBY.Nomandoes.Thatishis.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatadelightfulmoodyouareintonight![Turnsroundand
goesacrosswithGERALDtoMRS.ARBUTHNOT.Whenheseesher,hestartsbackin
wonder.ThenslowlyhiseyesturntowardsGERALD.]
GERALD.Mother,thisisLordIllingworth,whohasofferedtotakemeashisprivate
secretary.[MRS.ARBUTHNOTbowscoldly.]Itisawonderful openingforme,isn'tit?
Ihopehewon'tbedisappointedinme,thatisall.You'llthankLordIllingworth,mother,
won'tyou?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.LordIllingworthinverygood,Iamsure,tointeresthimselfin
youforthemoment.
LORDILLINGWORTH.[PuttinghishandonGERALD'sshoulder.]Oh,GeraldandI
aregreatfriendsalready,Mrs...Arbuthnot.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Therecanbenothingincommonbetweenyouandmyson,Lord
Illingworth.
GERALD.Dearmother,howcanyousayso?OfcourseLordIllingworthisawfully
cleverandthatsortofthing.ThereisnothingLordIllingworthdoesn'tknow.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Mydearboy!
GERALD.HeknowsmoreaboutlifethananyoneIhaveevermet.Ifeelanawful
dufferwhenIamwithyou,LordIllingworth.Ofcourse,Ihavehadsofewadvantages.I
havenotbeentoEtonorOxfordlikeotherchaps.ButLordIllingworthdoesn'tseemto
mindthat.Hehasbeenawfullygoodtome,mother.

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.LordIllingworthmaychangehismind.Hemaynotreallywant
youashissecretary.
GERALD.Mother!
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Youmustremember,asyousaidyourself,youhavehadsofew
advantages.
MRS.ALLONBY.LordIllingworth,Iwanttospeaktoyouforamoment.Docome
over.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Will youexcuseme,Mrs.Arbuthnot?Now,don'tletyour
charmingmothermakeanymoredifficulties,Gerald.Thethingisquitesettled,isn'tit?
GERALD.Ihopeso.[LORDILLINGWORTHgoesacrosstoMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]
MRS.ALLONBY.Ithoughtyouwerenevergoingtoleavetheladyinblackvelvet.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Sheisexcessivelyhandsome.[LooksatMRS.
ARBUTHNOT.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Caroline,shallweallmakeamovetothemusicroom?Miss
Worsleyisgoingtoplay.You'llcometoo,dearMrs.Arbuthnot,won'tyou?Youdon't
knowwhatatreatisinstoreforyou.[ToDOCTORDAUBENY.]Imustreallytake
MissWorsleydownsomeafternoontotherectory.IshouldsomuchlikedearMrs.
Daubenytohearherontheviolin.Ah,Iforgot.DearMrs.Daubeny'shearingisalittle
defective,isitnot?
THEARCHDEACON.Herdeafnessisagreatprivationtoher.Shecan'tevenhearmy
sermonsnow.Shereadsthemathome.Butshehasmanyresourcesinherself,many
resources.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Shereadsagooddeal,Isuppose?
THEARCHDEACON.Justtheverylargestprint.Theeyesightisrapidlygoing.But
she'snevermorbid,nevermorbid.
GERALD.[ToLORDILLINGWORTH.]Dospeaktomymother,LordIllingworth,
beforeyougointothemusicroom.Sheseemstothink,somehow,youdon'tmeanwhat
yousaidtome.
MRS.ALLONBY.Aren'tyoucoming?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Inafewmoments.LadyHunstanton,ifMrs.Arbuthnotwould
allowme,Iwouldliketosayafewwordstoher,andwewilljoinyoulateron.

LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,ofcourse.Youwillhaveagreatdealtosaytoher,andshe
willhaveagreatdealtothankyoufor.Itisnoteverysonwhogetssuchanoffer,Mrs.
Arbuthnot.ButIknowyouappreciatethat,dear.
LADYCAROLINE.John!
LADYHUNSTANTON.Now,don'tkeepMrs.Arbuthnottoolong,LordIllingworth.
Wecan'tspareher.
[Exitfollowingtheotherguests.Soundofviolinheardfrommusicroom.]
LORDILLINGWORTH.Sothatisourson,Rachel!Well,Iamveryproudofhim.He
inaHarford,everyinchofhim.Bytheway,whyArbuthnot,Rachel?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Onenameisasgoodasanother,whenonehasnorighttoany
name.
LORDILLINGWORTH.IsupposesobutwhyGerald?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.AfteramanwhoseheartIbroke aftermyfather.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Well,Rachel,whatinoverisover.AllIhavegottosaynow
inthatIamvery,verymuchpleasedwithourboy.Theworldwillknowhimmerelyas
myprivatesecretary,buttomehewillbesomethingverynear,andvery dear.Itisa
curiousthing,Rachelmylifeseemedtobequitecomplete.Itwasnotso.Itlacked
something,itlackedason.Ihavefoundmysonnow,IamgladIhavefoundhim.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Youhavenorighttoclaimhim,orthesmallestpartof him.The
boyisentirelymine,andshallremainmine.
LORDILLINGWORTH.MydearRachel,youhavehadhimtoyourselfforovertwenty
years.Whynotletmehavehimforalittlenow?Heisquiteasmuchmineasyours.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Areyoutalkingofthechildyouabandoned?Ofthechildwho,as
farasyouareconcerned,mighthavediedofhungerandofwant?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Youforget,Rachel,itwasyouwholeftme.ItwasnotIwho
leftyou.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ileftyoubecauseyourefusedtogivethechildaname.Before
mysonwasborn,Iimploredyoutomarryme.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ihadnoexpectationsthen.Andbesides,Rachel,Iwasn't
mucholderthanyouwere.Iwasonlytwentytwo.Iwastwentyone,Ibelieve,whenthe
wholethingbeganinyourfather'sgarden.

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Whenamanisoldenoughtodowrongheshouldbeoldenough
todorightalso.
LORDILLINGWORTH.MydearRachel,intellectualgeneralitiesarealways
interesting,butgeneralitiesinmoralsmeanabsolutelynothing.AsforsayingIleftour
childtostarve,that,ofcourse,isuntrueandsilly.Mymotherofferedyousixhundreda
year.Butyouwouldn'ttakeanything.Yousimplydisappeared,andcarriedthechild
awaywithyou.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwouldn'thaveacceptedapennyfromher.Yourfatherwas
different.Hetoldyou,inmypresence,whenwewereinParis,thatitwasyourdutyto
marryme.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oh,dutyiswhatoneexpectsfromothers,itisnotwhatone
doesoneself.Ofcourse,Iwasinfluencedbymymother.Everymaniswhenheis
young.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iamgladtohearyousayso.Geraldshallcertainlynotgoaway
withyou.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatnonsense,Rachel!
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.DoyouthinkIwouldallowmyson
LORDILLINGWORTH.OURson.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Myson[LORDILLINGWORTHshrugshisshoulders]togo
awaywiththemanwhospoiledmyyouth,whoruinedmylife,whohastaintedevery
momentofmydays?Youdon'trealisewhatmypasthasbeeninsufferingandinshame.
LORDILLINGWORTH.MydearRachel,ImustcandidlysaythatIthinkGerald's
futureconsiderablymoreimportantthanyourpast.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Geraldcannotseparatehisfuturefrommypast.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thatisexactlywhatheshoulddo.Thatisexactlywhatyou
shouldhelphimtodo.Whatatypicalwomanyouare!Youtalksentimentally,andyou
arethoroughlyselfishthewholetime.Butdon'tletushaveascene.Rachel,Iwantyou
tolookatthismatterfromthecommonsensepointofview,fromthepointofviewof
whatisbestforourson,leavingyouandmeoutofthequestion.Whatisoursonat
present?AnunderpaidclerkinasmallProvincialBankinathirdrateEnglishtown.If
youimagineheisquitehappyinsuchaposition,youaremistaken.Heisthoroughly
discontented.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Hewasnotdiscontentedtillhemetyou.Youhavemadehimso.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Ofcourse,Imadehimso.Discontentisthefirststepinthe
progressofamanoranation.ButIdidnotleavehimwithamerelongingforthingshe
couldnotget.No,Imadehimacharmingoffer.Hejumpedatit,Ineedhardlysay.Any
youngmanwould.Andnow,simplybecauseitturnsoutthatIamtheboy'sownfather
andhemyownson,youproposepracticallytoruinhiscareer.Thatistosay,ifIwerea
perfectstranger,youwouldallowGeraldtogoawaywithme,butasheismyownflesh
andbloodyouwon't.Howutterlyillogicalyouare!
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwillnotallowhimtogo.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Howcanyoupreventit?Whatexcusecanyougivetohimfor
makinghimdeclinesuchanofferasmine?Iwon'ttellhiminwhatrelationsIstandto
him,Ineedhardlysay.Butyoudaren'ttellhim.Youknowthat.Lookhowyouhave
broughthimup.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ihavebroughthimuptobeagoodman.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Quiteso.Andwhatistheresult?Youhaveeducatedhimto
beyourjudgeifheeverfindsyouout.Andabitter,anunjustjudgehewillbetoyou.
Don'tbedeceived,Rachel.Childrenbeginbylovingtheirparents.Afteratimethey
judgethem.Rarely,ifever,dotheyforgivethem.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.George,don'ttakemysonawayfromme.Ihavehadtwenty
yearsofsorrow,andIhaveonlyhadonethingtoloveme,onlyonethingtolove.You
havehadalifeofjoy,andpleasure,andsuccess.Youhavebeenquitehappy,youhave
neverthoughtofus.Therewasnoreason,accordingtoyourviewsoflife,whyyou
shouldhaverememberedusatall.Yourmeetinguswasamereaccident,ahorrible
accident.Forgetit.Don'tcomenow,androbmeof...ofallIhaveinthewholeworld.
Youaresorichinotherthings.Leavemethelittlevineyardofmylifeleavemethe
walledingardenandthewellof watertheewelambGodsentme,inpityorinwrath,
oh!leavemethat.George,don'ttakeGeraldfromme.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Rachel,atthepresentmomentyouarenotnecessaryto
Gerald'scareerIam.Thereisnothingmoretobesaidonthesubject.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwillnotlethimgo.
LORDILLINGWORTH.HereisGerald.Hehasarighttodecideforhimself.
[EnterGERALD.]
GERALD.Well,dearmother,IhopeyouhavesettleditallwithLordIllingworth?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ihavenot,Gerald.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Yourmotherseemsnottolikeyourcomingwithme,forsome
reason.
GERALD.Why,mother?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ithoughtyouwerequitehappyherewithme,Gerald.Ididn't
knowyouweresoanxioustoleaveme.
GERALD.Mother,howcanyoutalklikethat?OfcourseIhavebeenquitehappywith
you.Butamancan'tstayalwayswithhismother.Nochapdoes.Iwanttomakemyself
aposition,todosomething.IthoughtyouwouldhavebeenproudtoseemeLord
Illingworth'ssecretary.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.IdonotthinkyouwouldbesuitableasaprivatesecretarytoLord
Illingworth.Youhavenoqualifications.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Idon'twishtoseemtointerfereforamoment,Mrs.
Arbuthnot,butasfarasyourlastobjectionisconcerned,Isurelyamthebestjudge.And
IcanonlytellyouthatyoursonhasallthequalificationsIhadhopedfor.Hehasmore,
infact,thanIhadeventhoughtof.Farmore.[MRS.ARBUTHNOTremainssilent.]
Haveyouanyotherreason,Mrs.Arbuthnot,why youdon'twishyoursontoacceptthis
post?
GERALD.Haveyou,mother?Doanswer.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ifyouhave,Mrs.Arbuthnot,pray,praysayit.Wearequiteby
ourselveshere.Whateveritis,IneednotsayIwillnotrepeatit.
GERALD.Mother?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ifyouwouldliketobealonewithyourson,Iwillleaveyou.
Youmayhavesomeotherreasonyoudon'twishmetohear.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ihavenootherreason.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Then,mydearboy,wemaylookonthethingassettled.
Come,youandIwillsmokeacigaretteontheterracetogether.AndMrs.Arbuthnot,
prayletmetellyou,thatIthinkyouhaveactedvery,verywisely.
[ExitwithGERALD.MRS.ARBUTHNOTisleftalone.Shestandsimmobilewitha
lookofunutterablesorrowonherface.]
ACTDROP

THIRDACT
SCENEThePictureGalleryatHunstanton.Dooratbackleadingonto
terrace.
[LORDILLINGWORTHandGERALD,R.C.LORDILLINGWORTHlollingona
sofa.GERALDinachair.]
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thoroughlysensiblewoman,yourmother,Gerald.Iknewshe
wouldcomeroundintheend.
GERALD.Mymotherisawfullyconscientious,LordIllingworth,andIknowshe
doesn'tthinkIameducatedenoughtobeyoursecretary.Sheisperfectlyright,too.Iwas
fearfullyidlewhenIwasatschool,andIcouldn'tpassanexaminationnowtosavemy
life.
LORDILLINGWORTH.MydearGerald,examinationsareofnovaluewhatsoever.If
amanisagentleman,heknowsquiteenough,andifheisnotagentleman,whateverhe
knowsisbadforhim.
GERALD.ButIamsoignorantoftheworld,LordIllingworth.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Don'tbeafraid,Gerald.Rememberthatyou'vegotonyour
sidethemostwonderfulthingintheworldyouth!Thereisnothinglikeyouth.The
middleagedaremortgagedtoLife.Theoldareinlife'slumberroom.Butyouthisthe
LordofLife.Youthhasakingdomwaitingforit.Everyoneisbornaking,andmost
peopledieinexile,likemostkings.Towinbackmyyouth,Gerald,thereisnothingI
wouldn'tdo excepttakeexercise,getupearly,orbeausefulmemberofthecommunity.
GERALD.Butyoudon'tcallyourselfold,LordIllingworth?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iamoldenoughtobeyourfather,Gerald.
GERALD.Idon'tremembermyfatherhediedyearsago.
LORDILLINGWORTH.SoLadyHunstantontoldme.
GERALD.Itisverycurious,mymothernevertalkstomeaboutmyfather.Isometimes
thinkshemusthavemarriedbeneathher.
LORDILLINGWORTH.[Wincesslightly.]Really?[Goesoverandputshishandon
GERALD'Sshoulder.]Youhavemissednothavingafather,Isuppose,Gerald?
GERALD.Oh,nomymotherhasbeensogoodtome.Nooneeverhadsuchamother
asIhavehad.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Iamquitesureofthat.StillIshouldimaginethatmost
mothersdon'tquiteunderstandtheirsons.Don'trealise,Imean,thatasonhasambitions,
adesiretoseelife,tomakehimselfaname.Afterall,Gerald,youcouldn'tbeexpected
topassallyourlifeinsuchaholeasWrockley,couldyou?
GERALD.Oh,no!Itwouldbedreadful!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Amother'sloveisverytouching,ofcourse,butitisoften
curiouslyselfish.Imean,thereisagooddealofselfishnessinit.
GERALD.[Slowly.]Isupposethereis.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Your motherisathoroughlygoodwoman.Butgoodwomen
havesuchlimitedviewsoflife,theirhorizonissosmall,theirinterestsaresopetty,aren't
they?
GERALD.Theyareawfullyinterested,certainly,inthingswedon'tcaremuchabout.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Isupposeyourmotherisveryreligious,andthatsortofthing.
GERALD.Oh,yes,she'salwaysgoingtochurch.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ah!sheisnotmodern,andtobemodernistheonlything
worthbeingnowadays.Youwanttobemodern,don'tyou,Gerald?Youwanttoknow
lifeasitreallyis.Nottobeputofwithanyoldfashionedtheoriesaboutlife.Well,what
youhavetodoatpresentissimplytofityourselfforthebestsociety.Amanwhocan
dominateaLondondinnertablecandominatethe world.Thefuturebelongstothe
dandy.Itistheexquisiteswhoaregoingtorule.
GERALD.Ishouldliketowearnicethingsawfully,butIhavealwaysbeentoldthata
manshouldnotthinktoomuchabouthisclothes.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Peoplenowadaysaresoabsolutelysuperficialthattheydon't
understandthephilosophyofthesuperficial.Bytheway,Gerald,youshouldlearnhow
totieyourtiebetter.Sentimentisallverywellforthebuttonhole.Buttheessential
thingforanecktieisstyle.Awelltiedtieisthefirstseriousstepinlife.
GERALD.[Laughing.]Imightbeabletolearnhowtotieatie,LordIllingworth,butI
shouldneverbeabletotalkasyoudo.Idon'tknowhowtotalk.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oh!talktoeverywomanasifyoulovedher,andtoeveryman
asifheboredyou,andattheendofyourfirstseasonyouwillhavethereputationof
possessingthemostperfectsocialtact.
GERALD.Butitisverydifficulttogetintosocietyisn'tit?

LORDILLINGWORTH.Togetintothebestsociety,nowadays,onehaseithertofeed
people,amusepeople,orshockpeoplethatisall!
GERALD.Isupposesocietyiswonderfullydelightful!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Tobeinitismerelyabore.Buttobeoutofitsimplya
tragedy. Societyisanecessarything.Nomanhasanyrealsuccessinthisworldunless
hehasgotwomentobackhim,andwomenrulesociety.Ifyouhavenotgotwomenon
yoursideyouarequiteover.Youmightjustaswellbeabarrister,orastockbroker,ora
journalistatonce.
GERALD.Itisverydifficulttounderstandwomen,isitnot?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Youshouldnevertrytounderstandthem.Womenare
pictures.Menareproblems.Ifyouwanttoknowwhatawomanreallymeanswhich,
bytheway,isalwaysadangerousthingtodo lookather,don'tlistentoher.
GERALD.Butwomenareawfullyclever,aren'tthey?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oneshouldalwaystellthemso.But,tothephilosopher,my
dearGerald,womenrepresentthetriumphofmatterovermindjustasmenrepresentthe
triumphofmindovermorals.
GERALD.Howthencanwomenhavesomuchpowerasyousaytheyhave?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thehistoryofwomenisthehistoryoftheworstformof
tyrannytheworldhaseverknown.Thetyranny oftheweakoverthestrong.Itisthe
onlytyrannythatlasts.
GERALD.Buthaven'twomengotarefininginfluence?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Nothingrefinesbuttheintellect.
GERALD.Still,therearemanydifferentkindsofwomen,aren'tthere?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Onlytwokindsinsociety:theplainandthecoloured.
GERALD.Buttherearegoodwomeninsociety,aren'tthere?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Fartoomany.
GERALD.Butdoyouthinkwomenshouldn'tbegood?

LORDILLINGWORTH.Oneshouldnevertellthemso,they'dallbecomegoodatonce.
Womenareafascinatinglywilfulsex.Everywomanisarebel,andusuallyinwildrevolt
againstherself.
GERALD.Youhaveneverbeenmarried,LordIllingworth,haveyou?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Menmarrybecausetheyaretiredwomenbecausetheyare
curious.Botharedisappointed.
GERALD.Butdon'tyouthinkonecanbehappywhenoneismarried?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Perfectlyhappy.Butthehappinessofamarriedman,mydear
Gerald,dependsonthepeoplehehasnotmarried.
GERALD.Butifoneisinlove?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Oneshouldalwaysbeinlove.Thatisthereasononeshould
nevermarry.
GERALD.Loveisaverywonderfulthing,isn'tit?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whenoneisinloveonebeginsbydeceivingoneself.Andone
endsbydeceivingothers.Thatiswhattheworldcallsaromance.ButareallyGRANDE
PASSIONiscomparativelyrarenowadays.Itistheprivilegeofpeoplewhohave
nothingtodo.Thatistheoneuseoftheidleclassesinacountry,andtheonlypossible
explanationofusHarfords.
GERALD.Harfords,LordIllingworth?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thatismyfamilyname.YoushouldstudythePeerage,
Gerald.Itistheonebookayoungmanabouttownshouldknowthoroughly,anditisthe
bestthinginfictiontheEnglishhaveeverdone.Andnow,Gerald,youaregoingintoa
perfectlynewlifewithme,andIwantyoutoknowhowtolive.[MRS.ARBUTHNOT
appearsonterracebehind.]Fortheworldhasbeenmadebyfoolsthatwisemenshould
liveinit!
[EnterL.C.LADYHUNSTANTONandDR.DAUBENY.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah!hereyouare,dearLordIllingworth.Well,Isupposeyou
havebeentellingouryoungfriend,Gerald,whathisnewdutiesaretobe,andgivinghim
agreatdealofgoodadviceoverapleasantcigarette.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ihavebeengivinghimthebestofadvice,LadyHunstanton,
andthebestofcigarettes.

LADYHUNSTANTON.IamsosorryIwasnotheretolistentoyou,butIsupposeIam
toooldnowtolearn.Exceptfromyou,dearArchdeacon,whenyouareinyournice
pulpit.ButthenIalwaysknowwhatyouaregoingtosay,soIdon'tfeelalarmed.[Sees
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.]Ah!dearMrs.Arbuthnot,docomeandjoinus.Come,dear.
[EnterMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]GeraldhasbeenhavingsuchalongtalkwithLord
IllingworthIamsureyoumustfeelverymuchflatteredatthepleasantwayinwhich
everythinghasturnedoutforhim.Letussitdown.[Theysitdown.]Andhowisyour
beautifulembroiderygoingon?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iamalwaysatwork,LadyHunstanton.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mrs.Daubenyembroidersalittle,too,doesn'tshe?
THEARCHDEACON.Shewasverydeftwithherneedleonce,quiteaDorcas.Butthe
gouthascrippledherfingersagooddeal.Shehasnottouchedthetambourframefor
nineortenyears.Butshehasmanyotheramusements.Sheisverymuchinterestedin
herownhealth.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah!thatisalwaysanicedistraction,initnot?Now,whatare
youtalkingabout,LordIllingworth?Dotellus.
LORDILLINGWORTH.IwasonthepointofexplainingtoGeraldthattheworldhas
alwayslaughedatitsowntragedies,thatbeingtheonlywayinwhichithasbeenableto
bearthem.Andthat,consequently,whatevertheworldhastreatedseriouslybelongsto
thecomedysideofthings.
LADYHUNSTANTON.NowIamquiteoutofmydepth.IusuallyamwhenLord
Illingworthsaysanything.AndtheHumaneSocietyismostcareless.Theyneverrescue
me.Iamlefttosink.Ihaveadimidea,dearLordIllingworth,thatyouarealwayson
thesideofthesinners,andIknowIalwaystrytobeonthesideofthesaints,butthatis
asfarasIget.Andafterall,itmaybemerelythefancyofadrowningperson.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Theonlydifferencebetweenthesaintandthesinneristhat
everysainthasapast,andeverysinnerhasafuture.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah!thatquitedoesforme.Ihaven'tawordtosay.YouandI,
dearMrs.Arbuthnot,arebehindtheage.Wecan'tfollowLordIllingworth.Toomuch
carewastakenwithoureducation,Iamafraid.Tohavebeenwellbroughtupisagreat
drawbacknowadays.Itshutsoneoutfromsomuch.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.IshouldbesorrytofollowLordIllingworthinanyofhis
opinions.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Youarequiteright,dear.

[GERALDshrugshisshouldersandlooksirritablyoverathismother.EnterLADY
CAROLINE.]
LADYCAROLINE.Jane,haveyouseenJohnanywhere?
LADYHUNSTANTON.Youneedn'tbeanxiousabouthim,dear.HeiswithLady
StutfieldIsawthemsometimeago,intheYellowDrawingroom.Theyseemquite
happytogether.Youarenotgoing,Caroline?Praysitdown.
LADYCAROLINE.IthinkIhadbetterlookafterJohn.
[ExitLADYCAROLINE.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Itdoesn'tdotopaymensomuch attention.AndCarolinehas
reallynothingtobeanxiousabout.LadyStutfieldisverysympathetic.Sheisjustas
sympatheticaboutonethingassheisaboutanother.Abeautifulnature.
[EnterSIRJOHNandMRS.ALLONBY.]
Ah!hereisSirJohn!AndwithMrs.Allonbytoo!IsupposeitwasMrs.AllonbyIsaw
himwith.SirJohn,Carolinehasbeenlookingeverywhereforyou.
MRS.ALLONBY.WehavebeenwaitingforherintheMusicroom,dearLady
Hunstanton.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah!theMusicroom,ofcourse.IthoughtitwastheYellow
Drawingroom,mymemoryisgettingsodefective.[TotheARCHDEACON.]Mrs.
Daubenyhasawonderfulmemory,hasn'tshe?
THEARCHDEACON.Sheusedtobequiteremarkableforhermemory,butsinceher
lastattacksherecallschieflytheeventsofherearlychildhood.Butshefindsgreat
pleasureinsuchretrospections,greatpleasure.
[EnterLADYSTUTFIELDandMR.KELVIL.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah!dearLadyStutfield!andwhathasMr.Kelvilbeentalking
toyouabout?
LADYSTUTFIELD.AboutBimetallism,aswellasIremember.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Bimetallism!Isthatquiteanicesubject?However,Iknow
peoplediscusseverythingveryfreelynowadays.WhatdidSirJohntalktoyouabout,
dearMrs.Allonby?
MRS.ALLONBY. AboutPatagonia.

LADYHUNSTANTON.Really?Whataremotetopic!Butveryimproving,Ihaveno
doubt.
MRS.ALLONBY.HehasbeenmostinterestingonthesubjectofPatagonia.Savages
seemtohavequitethesameviewsasculturedpeopleonalmostallsubjects.Theyare
excessivelyadvanced.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Whatdotheydo?
MRS.ALLONBY.Apparentlyeverything.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Well,itisverygratifying,dearArchdeacon,isitnot,tofind
thatHumanNatureispermanentlyone.Onthewhole,theworldisthesameworld,isit
not?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Theworldissimplydividedintotwoclassesthosewho
believetheincredible,likethepublicandthosewhodotheimprobable
MRS.ALLONBY.Likeyourself?
LORDILLINGWORTH.YesIamalwaysastonishingmyself.Itistheonlythingthat
makeslifeworthliving.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Andwhathaveyoubeendoinglatelythatastonishesyou?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Ihavebeendiscoveringallkindsofbeautifulqualitiesinmy
ownnature.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah!don'tbecomequiteperfectallatonce.Doitgradually!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Idon'tintendtogrowperfectatall.Atleast,IhopeIshan't.It
wouldbemostinconvenient.Womenloveusforourdefects.Ifwehaveenoughof
them,theywillforgiveuseverything,evenourgiganticintellects.
MRS.ALLONBY.Itisprematuretoaskustoforgiveanalysis.Weforgiveadoration
thatisquiteasmuchasshouldbeexpectedfromus.
[EnterLORDALFRED.HejoinsLADYSTUTFIELD.]
LADYHUNSTANTON. Ah!wewomenshouldforgiveeverything,shouldn'twe,dear
Mrs.Arbuthnot?Iamsureyouagreewithmeinthat.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Idonot,LadyHunstanton.Ithinktherearemanythingswomen
shouldneverforgive.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Whatsortofthings?

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Theruinofanotherwoman'slife.
[Movesslowlyawaytobackofstage.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah!thosethingsareverysad,nodoubt,butIbelievethereare
admirablehomeswherepeopleofthatkindarelookedafterandreformed,andI thinkon
thewholethatthesecretoflifeistotakethingsvery,veryeasily.
MRS.ALLONBY.Thesecretoflifeisnevertohaveanemotionthatisunbecoming.
LADYSTUTFIELD.Thesecretoflifeistoappreciatethepleasureofbeingterribly,
terriblydeceived.
KELVIL.Thesecretoflifeistoresisttemptation,LadyStutfield.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thereisnosecretoflife.Life'saim,ifithasone,issimplyto
bealwayslookingfortemptations.Therearenotnearlyenough.Isometimespassa
wholedaywithoutcomingacrossasingleone.Itisquitedreadful.Itmakesoneso
nervousaboutthefuture.
LADYHUNSTANTON.[Shakesherfanathim.]Idon'tknowhowitis,dearLord
Illingworth,buteverythingyouhavesaidtodayseemstomeexcessivelyimmoral.Ithas
beenmostinteresting,listeningtoyou.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Allthoughtisimmoral.Itsveryessenceisdestruction.Ifyou
thinkofanything,youkillit.Nothingsurvivesbeingthoughtof.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Idon'tunderstandaword,LordIllingworth.ButIhaveno
doubtitisallquitetrue.Personally,Ihaveverylittletoreproachmyselfwith,onthe
scoreofthinking.Idon'tbelieveinwomenthinkingtoomuch.Womenshouldthinkin
moderation,astheyshoulddoall thingsinmoderation.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Moderationisafatalthing,LadyHunstanton.Nothing
succeedslikeexcess.
LADYHUNSTANTON.IhopeIshallrememberthat.Itsoundsanadmirablemaxim.
ButI'mbeginningtoforgeteverything.It'sagreatmisfortune.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Itisoneofyourmostfascinatingqualities,LadyHunstanton.
Nowomanshouldhaveamemory.Memoryinawomanisthebeginningofdowdiness.
Onecanalwaystellfromawoman'sbonnetwhethershehasgotamemoryornot.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Howcharmingyouare,dearLordIllingworth.Youalways
findoutthatone'smostglaringfaultisone'smostimportantvirtue.Youhavethemost
comfortingviewsoflife.

[EnterFARQUHAR.]
FARQUHAR.DoctorDaubeny'scarriage!
LADYHUNSTANTON.MydearArchdeacon!Itisonlyhalfpastten.
THEARCHDEACON.[Rising.]IamafraidImustgo,LadyHunstanton.Tuesdayis
alwaysoneofMrs.Daubeny'sbadnights.
LADYHUNSTANTON.[Rising.]Well,Iwon'tkeepyoufromher.[Goeswithhim
towardsdoor.]IhavetoldFarquhartoputabraceofpartridgeintothecarriage.Mrs.
Daubenymayfancythem.
THEARCHDEACON.Itisverykindofyou,butMrs.Daubenynevertouchessolids
now.Livesentirelyonjellies.Butsheiswonderfullycheerful,wonderfullycheerful.
Shehasnothingtocomplainof.
[ExitwithLADYHUNSTANTON.]
MRS.ALLONBY.[GoesovertoLORDILLINGWORTH.]Thereisabeautifulmoon
tonight.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Letusgoandlookatit.Tolookatanythingthatisinconstant
ischarmingnowadays.
MRS.ALLONBY.Youhaveyourlookingglass.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Itisunkind.Itmerelyshowsmemywrinkles.
MRS.ALLONBY.Mineisbetterbehaved.Itnevertellsmethetruth.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thenitisinlovewithyou.
[ExeuntSIRJOHN,LADYSTUTFIELD,MR.KELVILandLORDALFRED.]
GERALD.[ToLORDILLINGWORTH]MayIcometoo?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Do,mydearboy.[MovestowardswithMRS.ALLONBY
andGERALD.]
[LADYCAROLINEenters,looksrapidlyroundandgoesoffinoppositedirectiontothat
takenbySIRJOHNandLADYSTUTFIELD.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Gerald!

GERALD.What,mother!
[ExitLORDILLINGWORTHwithMRS.ALLONBY.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Itisgettinglate.Letusgohome.
GERALD.Mydearmother.Doletuswaitalittlelonger.LordIllingworthisso
delightful,and,bytheway,mother,Ihaveagreatsurpriseforyou.Wearestartingfor
Indiaattheendofthismonth.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Letusgohome.
GERALD.Ifyoureallywantto,ofcourse,mother,butImustbidgoodbyetoLord
Illingworthfirst.I'llbebackinfiveminutes.[Exit.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Lethimleavemeifhechooses,butnotwithhim notwithhim!I
couldn'tbearit.[Walksupanddown.]
[EnterHESTER.]
HESTER.Whatalovely nightitis,Mrs.Arbuthnot.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Isit?
HESTER.Mrs.Arbuthnot,Iwishyouwouldletusbefriends.Youaresodifferentfrom
theotherwomenhere.WhenyoucameintotheDrawingroomthisevening,somehow
youbroughtwithyouasenseof whatisgoodandpureinlife.Ihadbeenfoolish.There
arethingsthatarerighttosay,butthatmaybesaidatthewrongtimeandtothewrong
people.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iheardwhatyousaid.Iagreewithit,MissWorsley.
HESTER.Ididn'tknowyouhadheardit.ButIknewyouwouldagreewithme.A
womanwhohassinnedshouldbepunished,shouldn'tshe?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Yes.
HESTER.Sheshouldn'tbeallowedtocomeintothesocietyofgoodmenandwomen?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Sheshouldnot.
HESTER.Andthemanshouldbepunishedinthesameway?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Inthesameway.Andthechildren,iftherearechildren,inthe
samewayalso?

HESTER.Yes,itisrightthatthesinsoftheparentsshouldbevisitedonthechildren.It
isajustlaw.ItisGod'slaw.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ItisoneofGod'sterriblelaws.
[Movesawaytofireplace.]
HESTER.Youaredistressedaboutyoursonleavingyou,Mrs.Arbuthnot?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Yes.
HESTER.DoyoulikehimgoingawaywithLordIllingworth?Ofcoursethereis
position,nodoubt,andmoney,butpositionandmoneyarenoteverything,arethey?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Theyarenothingtheybringmisery.
HESTER.Thenwhydoyouletyoursongowithhim?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Hewishesithimself.
HESTER.Butifyouaskedhimhewouldstay,wouldhenot?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Hehassethisheartongoing.
HESTER.Hecouldn'trefuseyouanything.Helovesyoutoomuch.Askhimtostay.
Letmesendhimintoyou.HeisontheterraceatthismomentwithLordIllingworth.I
heardthemlaughingtogetherasIpassedthroughtheMusicroom.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Don'ttrouble,MissWorsley,Icanwait.Itisofnoconsequence.
HESTER.No,I'lltellhimyouwanthim.Do doaskhimtostay.[ExitHESTER.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Hewon'tcomeIknowhewon'tcome.
[EnterLADYCAROLINE.Shelooksroundanxiously.EnterGERALD.]
LADYCAROLINE.Mr.Arbuthnot,mayIaskyouisSirJohnanywhereontheterrace?
GERALD.No,LadyCaroline,heisnotontheterrace.
LADYCAROLINE.Itisverycurious.Itistimeforhimtoretire.
[ExitLADYCAROLINE.]
GERALD.Dearmother,IamafraidIkeptyouwaiting.Iforgotallaboutit.Iamso
happytonight,motherIhaveneverbeensohappy.

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Attheprospectofgoingaway?
GERALD.Don'tputitlikethat,mother.OfcourseIamsorrytoleaveyou.Why,you
arethebestmotherinthewholeworld.Butafterall,asLordIllingworthsays,itis
impossibletoliveinsuchaplaceasWrockley.Youdon'tmindit.ButI'mambitionsI
wantsomethingmorethanthat.Iwanttohaveacareer.Iwanttodosomethingthatwill
makeyouproudofme,andLordIllingworthisgoingtohelpme.Heisgoingtodo
everythingforme.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT. Gerald,don'tgoawaywithLordIllingworth.Iimploreyounot
to.Gerald,Ibegyou!
GERALD.Mother,howchangeableyouare!Youdon'tseemtoknowyourownmind
forasinglemoment.AnhourandahalfagointheDrawingroomyouagreedtothe
wholethingnowyouturnroundandmakeobjections,andtrytoforcemetogiveupmy
onechanceinlife.Yes,myonechance.Youdon'tsupposethatmenlikeLord
Illingwortharetobefoundeveryday,doyou,mother?ItisverystrangethatwhenI
havehadsuchawonderfulpieceofgoodluck,theonepersontoputdifficultiesinmy
wayshouldbemyownmother.Besides,youknow,mother,IloveHesterWorsley.
Whocouldhelplovingher?IlovehermorethanIhaveevertoldyou,farmore.AndifI
hadaposition,ifIhadprospects,IcouldIcouldaskherto Don'tyouunderstandnow,
mother,whatitmeanstometobeLordIllingworth'ssecretary?Tostartlikethatisto
findacareerreadyforone beforeone waitingforone.IfIwereLordIllingworth's
secretaryIcouldaskHestertobemywife.Asawretchedbankclerkwithahundreda
yearitwouldbeanimpertinence.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.IfearyouneedhavenohopesofMissWorsley.Iknowher
viewsonlife.Shehasjusttoldthemtome. [Apause.]
GERALD.ThenIhavemyambitionleft,atanyrate.ThatissomethingIamgladI
havethat!Youhavealwaystriedtocrushmyambition,motherhaven'tyou?Youhave
toldmethattheworldisawickedplace,thatsuccessisnotworthhaving,thatsocietyis
shallow,andallthatsortofthingwell,Idon'tbelieveit,mother.Ithinktheworldmust
bedelightful.Ithinksocietymustbeexquisite.Ithinksuccessisathingworthhaving.
Youhavebeenwronginallthatyoutaughtme,mother,quitewrong.LordIllingworthis
asuccessfulman.Heisafashionableman.Heisamanwholivesintheworldandforit.
Well,IwouldgiveanythingtobejustlikeLordIllingworth.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwouldsoonerseeyoudead.
GERALD.Mother,whatisyourobjectiontoLordIllingworth?Tellme tellmeright
out.Whatisit?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Heisabadman.

GERALD.Inwhatwaybad?Idon'tunderstandwhatyoumean.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwilltellyou.
GERALD.Isupposeyouthinkhimbad,becausehedoesn'tbelievethesamethingsas
youdo.Well,menaredifferentfromwomen,mother.Itisnaturalthattheyshouldhave
differentviews.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ItisnotwhatLordIllingworthbelieves,orwhathedoesnot
believe,thatmakeshimbad.Itiswhatheis.
GERALD.Mother,isitsomethingyouknowofhim?Somethingyouactuallyknow?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ItissomethingIknow.
GERALD.Somethingyouarequitesureof?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Quitesureof.
GERALD.Howlonghaveyouknownit?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Fortwentyyears.
GERALD.Isitfairtogobacktwentyyearsinanyman'scareer?AndwhathaveyouorI
todowithLordIllingworth'searlylife?Whatbusinessisitofours?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Whatthismanhasbeen,heisnow,andwillbealways.
GERALD.Mother,tellmewhatLordIllingworthdid?Ifhedidanythingshameful,I
willnotgoawaywithhim.Surelyyouknowmewellenoughforthat?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Gerald,comeneartome.Quiteclosetome,asyouusedtodo
whenyouwerealittleboy,whenyouweremother'sownboy.[GERALDsitsdown
betidehismother.Sherunsherfingersthroughhishair,andstrokeshishands.]Gerald,
therewasagirlonce,shewasveryyoung,shewaslittleovereighteenatthetime.
GeorgeHarford thatwasLordIllingworth'snamethen GeorgeHarfordmether.She
knewnothingaboutlife.Hekneweverything.Hemadethisgirllovehim.Hemade
herlovehimsomuchthatsheleftherfather'shousewithhimonemorning. Sheloved
himsomuch,andhehadpromisedtomarryher!Hehadsolemnlypromisedtomarry
her,andshehadbelievedhim.Shewasveryyoung,andandignorantofwhatlifereally
is.Butheputthemarriageofffromweektoweek,andmonthtomonth.Shetrustedin
himallthewhile.Shelovedhim.Beforeherchildwasborn forshehadachildshe
imploredhimforthechild'ssaketomarryher,thatthechildmighthaveaname,thather
sinmightnotbevisitedonthechild,whowasinnocent. Herefused.Afterthechildwas
bornshelefthim,takingthechildaway,andherlifewasruined,andhersoulruined,and
allthatwassweet,andgood,andpureinherruinedalso.Shesufferedterribly she

suffersnow.Shewillalwayssuffer.Forherthereisnojoy,nopeace,noatonement.
Sheisawomanwhodragsachainlikeaguiltything.Sheisawomanwhowearsa
mask,likeathingthatisaleper.Thefirecannotpurifyher.Thewaterscannotquench
heranguish.Nothingcanhealher!noanodynecangivehersleep!nopoppies
forgetfulness!Sheislost!Sheisalostsoul! ThatiswhyIcallLordIllingworthabad
man.ThatiswhyIdon'twantmyboytobewithhim.
GERALD.Mydearmother,itallsoundsverytragic,ofcourse.ButIdaresaythegirl
wasjustasmuchtoblameasLordIllingworthwas. Afterall,wouldareallynicegirl,a
girlwithanynicefeelingsatall,goawayfromherhomewithamantowhomshewas
notmarried,andlivewithhimashiswife?Nonicegirl would.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[Afterapause.]Gerald,Iwithdrawallmyobjections.Youareat
libertytogoawaywithLordIllingworth,whenandwhereyouchoose.
GERALD.Dearmother,Iknewyouwouldn'tstandinmyway.Youarethebestwoman
Godevermade.And,asforLordIllingworth,Idon'tbelieveheiscapableofanything
infamousorbase.Ican'tbelieveitofhim Ican't.
HESTER.[Outside.]Letmego!Letmego![EnterHESTERinterror,andrushesover
toGERALDandflingsherselfinhisarms.]
HESTER.Oh!savemesavemefromhim!
GERALD.Fromwhom?
HESTER.Hehasinsultedme!Horriblyinsultedme!Saveme!
GERALD.Who?Whohasdared?
[LORDILLINGWORTHentersatbackofstage.HESTERbreaksfromGERALD'S
armsandpointstohim.]
GERALD[Heisquitebesidehimselfwithrageandindignation.]LordIllingworth,you
haveinsultedthepurestthingonGod'searth,athingaspureasmyownmother.You
haveinsultedthewomanIlovemostintheworldwithmyownmother.Asthereisa
GodinHeaven,Iwillkillyou!
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[Rushingacrossandcatchingholdofhim]No!no!
GERALD.[Thrustingherback.]Don'tholdme,mother.Don'tholdmeI'llkillhim!
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Gerald!
GERALD.Letmego,Isay!

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Stop,Gerald,stop!Heisyourownfather!
[GERALDclutcheshismother'shandsandlooksintoherface.Shesinksslowlyonthe
groundinshame.HESTERstealstowardsthedoor.LORDILLINGWORTHfrowns
andbiteshislip.AfteratimeGERALDraiseshismotherup,putshisamroundher,and
leadsherfromtheroom.]
ACTDROP

FOURTHACT
SCENESittingroomatMrs.Arbuthnot's.LargeopenFrenchwindow
atback,lookingontogarden.DoorsR.C.andL.C.
[GERALDARBUTHNOTwritingattable.]
[EnterALICER.C.followedbyLADYHUNSTANTONandMRS.ALLONBY.]
ALICE.LadyHunstantonandMrs.Allonby.
[ExitL.C.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.Goodmorning,Gerald.
GERALD.[Rising.]Goodmorning,LadyHunstanton.Goodmorning,Mrs.Allonby.
LADYHUNSTANTON.[Sittingdown.]Wecametoinquireforyourdearmother,
Gerald.Ihopesheisbetter?
GERALD.Mymotherhasnotcomedownyet,LadyHunstanton.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Ah,Iamafraidtheheatwastoomuchforherlastnight.I
thinktheremusthavebeenthunderintheair.Orperhapsitwasthemusic.Musicmakes
onefeelsoromanticatleastitalwaysgetsonone'snerves.
MRS.ALLONBY.It'sthesamething,nowadays.
LADYHUNSTANTON.IamsogladIdon'tknowwhatyoumean,dear.Iamafraid
youmeansomethingwrong.Ah,Iseeyou'reexaminingMrs.Arbuthnot'sprettyroom.
Isn'titniceandoldfashioned?
MRS.ALLONBY.[Surveyingtheroomthroughherlorgnette.]Itlooksquitethehappy
Englishhome.
LADYHUNSTANTON.That'sjusttheword,dearthatjustdescribesit.Onefeelsyour
mother'sgoodinfluenceineverythingshehasabouther,Gerald.
MRS.ALLONBY.LordIllingworthsaysthatallinfluenceisbad,butthatagood
influenceistheworstintheworld.
LADYHUNSTANTON.WhenLordIllingworthknowsMrs.Arbuthnotbetterhewill
changehismind.Imustcertainlybringhimhere.
MRS.ALLONBY.IshouldliketoseeLordIllingworthinahappyEnglishhome.

LADYHUNSTANTON.Itwoulddohimagreatdealofgood,dear. Mostwomenin
London,nowadays,seemtofurnishtheirroomswithnothingbutorchids,foreigners,and
Frenchnovels.Butherewehavetheroomofasweetsaint.Freshnaturalflowers,books
thatdon'tshockone,picturesthatonecanlookatwithoutblushing.
MRS.ALLONBY.ButIlikeblushing.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Well,thereISagooddealtobesaidforblushing,ifonecando
itatthepropermoment.PoordearHunstantonusedtotellmeIdidn'tblushnearlyoften
enough.Butthenhewassoveryparticular.Hewouldn'tletmeknowanyofhismen
friends,exceptthosewhowereoverseventy,likepoorLordAshton:whoafterwards,by
theway,wasbroughtintotheDivorceCourt.Amostunfortunatecase.
MRS.ALLONBY.Idelightinmenoverseventy.Theyalwaysofferonethedevotionof
alifetime.Ithinkseventyanidealageforaman.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Sheisquiteincorrigible,Gerald,isn'tshe?Bytheby,Gerald,I
hopeyourdearmotherwillcomeandseememoreoftennow.YouandLordIllingworth
startalmostimmediately,don'tyou?
GERALD.IhavegivenupmyintentionofbeingLordIllingworth'ssecretary.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Surelynot,Gerald!Itwouldbemostunwiseofyou.What
reasoncanyouhave?
GERALD.Idon'tthinkIshouldbesuitableforthepost.
MRS.ALLONBY.IwishLordIllingworthwouldaskmetobehissecretary.Buthe
saysIamnotseriousenough.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydear,youreallymustn'ttalklikethatinthishouse.Mrs.
Arbuthnotdoesn'tknowanythingaboutthewickedsocietyinwhichwealllive.She
won'tgointoit.Sheisfartoogood.Iconsideritwasagreathonourhercomingtome
lastnight.Itgavequiteanatmosphereofrespectabilitytotheparty.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ah,thatmusthavebeenwhatyouthoughtwasthunderintheair.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Mydear,howcanyousaythat?Thereisnoresemblance
betweenthetwothingsatall.Butreally,Gerald,whatdoyoumeanbynotbeing
suitable?
GERALD.LordIllingworth'sviewsoflifeandminearetoodifferent.
LADYHUNSTANTON.But,mydearGerald,atyourageyoushouldn'thaveanyviews
oflife.Theyarequiteoutofplace.Youmustbeguidedbyothersinthismatter.Lord

Illingworthhasmadeyouthemostflatteringoffer,andtravellingwithhimyouwouldsee
theworldasmuchofit,atleast,asoneshouldlookat underthebestauspicespossible,
andstaywithalltherightpeople,whichissoimportantatthissolemnmomentinyour
career.
GERALD.Idon'twanttoseetheworld:I'veseenenoughofit.
MRS.ALLONBY.Ihopeyoudon'tthinkyouhaveexhaustedlife,Mr.Arbuthnot.
Whenamansaysthat,oneknowsthatlifehasexhaustedhim.
GERALD.Idon'twishtoleavemymother.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Now,Gerald,thatispurelazinessonyourpart.Notleaveyour
mother!IfIwereyourmotherIwouldinsistonyourgoing.
[EnterALICEL.C.]
ALICE.Mrs.Arbuthnot'scompliments,mylady,butshehasabadheadache,andcannot
seeanyonethismorning.[ExitR.C.]
LADYHUNSTANTON.[Rising.]Abadheadache!Iamsosorry!Perhapsyou'llbring
heruptoHunstantonthisafternoon,ifsheisbetter,Gerald.
GERALD.Iamafraidnotthisafternoon,LadyHunstanton.
LADYHUNSTANTON.Well,tomorrow,then.Ah,ifyouhadafather,Gerald,he
wouldn'tletyouwasteyourlifehere.HewouldsendyouoffwithLordIllingworthat
once.Butmothersaresoweak.Theygiveuptotheirsonsineverything.Weareall
heart,allheart.Come,dear,ImustcallattherectoryandinquireforMrs.Daubeny,who,
Iamafraid,isfarfromwell.ItiswonderfulhowtheArchdeaconbearsup,quite
wonderful.Heisthemostsympatheticofhusbands.Quiteamodel.Goodbye,Gerald,
givemyfondestlovetoyourmother.
MRS.ALLONBY.Goodbye,Mr.Arbuthnot.
GERALD.Goodbye.
[ExitLADYHUNSTANTONandMRS.ALLONBY.GERALDsitsdownandreads
overhisletter.]
GERALD.WhatnamecanIsign?I,whohavenorighttoanyname.[Signsname,puts
letterintoenvelope,addressesit,andisabouttosealit,whendoorL.C.opensandMRS.
ARBUTHNOTenters.GERALDlaysdownsealingwax.Motherandsonlookateach
other.]

LADYHUNSTANTON.[ThroughFrenchwindowattheback.]Goodbyeagain,
Gerald.Wearetakingtheshortcutacrossyourpretty garden.Now,remembermy
advicetoyoustartatoncewithLordIllingworth.
MRS.ALLONBY.AUREVOIR,Mr.Arbuthnot.Mindyoubringmebacksomething
nicefromyourtravelsnotanIndianshawl onnoaccountanIndianshawl.
[Exeunt.]
GERALD.Mother,Ihavejustwrittentohim.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Towhom?
GERALD.Tomyfather.Ihavewrittentotellhimtocomehereatfouro'clockthis
afternoon.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Heshallnotcomehere.Heshallnotcrossthethresholdofmy
house.
GERALD. Hemustcome.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Gerald,ifyouaregoingawaywithLordIllingworth,goatonce.
Gobeforeitkillsme:butdon'taskmetomeethim.
GERALD.Mother,youdon'tunderstand.Nothingintheworldwouldinducemetogo
awaywithLordIllingworth,ortoleaveyou.Surelyyouknowmewellenoughforthat.
No:Ihavewrittentohimtosay
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Whatcanyouhavetosaytohim?
GERALD.Can'tyouguess,mother,whatIhavewritteninthisletter?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.No.
GERALD. Mother,surelyyoucan.Think,thinkwhatmustbedone,now,atonce,
withinthenextfewdays.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Thereisnothingtobedone.
GERALD.IhavewrittentoLordIllingworthtotellhimthathemustmarryyou.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Marryme?
GERALD.Mother,Iwillforcehimtodoit.Thewrongthathasbeendoneyoumustbe
repaired.Atonementmustbemade.Justicemaybeslow,mother,butitcomesinthe
end.InafewdaysyoushallbeLordIllingworth'slawfulwife.

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.But,Gerald
GERALD.Iwillinsistuponhisdoingit.Iwillmakehimdoit:hewillnotdareto
refuse.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.But,Gerald,itisIwhorefuse.IwillnotmarryLordIllingworth.
GERALD.Notmarryhim?Mother!
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwillnotmarryhim.
GERALD.Butyoudon'tunderstand:itisforyoursakeIamtalking,notformine.This
marriage,thisnecessarymarriage,thismarriagewhichforobviousreasonsmust
inevitablytakeplace,willnothelpme,willnotgivemeanamethatwillbereally,rightly
minetobear.Butsurelyitwillbesomethingforyou,thatyou,mymother,should,
howeverlate,becomethewifeofthemanwhoismyfather.Willnotthatbesomething?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwillnotmarryhim.
GERALD.Mother,youmust.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwillnot.Youtalkofatonementforawrongdone.What
atonementcanbemadetome?Thereisnoatonementpossible.Iamdisgraced:heis
not.Thatisall.Itistheusualhistoryofamanandawomanasitusuallyhappens,asit
alwayshappens.Andtheendingistheordinaryending.Thewomansuffers.Theman
goesfree.
GERALD.Idon'tknowifthatistheordinaryending,mother:Ihopeitisnot.Butyour
life,atanyrate,shallnotendlikethat.Themanshallmakewhateverreparationis
possible.Itisnotenough.Itdoesnotwipeoutthepast,Iknowthat.Butatleastit
makesthefuturebetter,betterforyou,mother.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.IrefusetomarryLordIllingworth.
GERALD.Ifhecametoyouhimselfandaskedyoutobehiswifeyouwouldgivehima
differentanswer.Remember,heismyfather.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ifhecamehimself,whichhewillnotdo,myanswerwouldbethe
same.RememberIamyourmother.
GERALD.Mother,youmakeitterriblydifficultformebytalkinglikethatandIcan't
understandwhyyouwon'tlookatthismatterfromtheright,fromtheonlyproper
standpoint.Itistotakeawaythebitternessoutofyourlife,totakeawaytheshadowthat
liesonyourname,thatthismarriagemusttakeplace.Thereisnoalternative:andafter
themarriageyouandIcangoawaytogether.Butthemarriagemusttakeplacefirst.Itis

adutythatyouowe,notmerelytoyourself,buttoallotherwomen yes:toalltheother
womenintheworld,lesthebetraymore.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iowenothingtootherwomen.Thereisnotoneofthemtohelp
me.ThereisnotonewomanintheworldtowhomIcouldgoforpity,ifIwouldtakeit,
orforsympathy,ifIcouldwinit.Womenarehardoneachother.Thatgirl,lastnight,
goodthoughsheis,fledfromtheroomasthoughIwereataintedthing.Shewasright.I
amataintedthing.Butmywrongsaremyown,andIwillbearthemalone.Imustbear
themalone.Whathavewomenwhohavenotsinnedtodowithme,orIwiththem?We
donotunderstandeachother.
[EnterHESTERbehind.]
GERALD.IimploreyoutodowhatIaskyou.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Whatsonhaseveraskedofhismothertomakesohideousa
sacrifice?None.
GERALD.Whatmotherhaseverrefusedtomarrythefatherofherownchild?None.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Letmebethefirst,then.Iwillnotdoit.
GERALD.Mother,youbelieveinreligion,andyoubroughtmeuptobelieveinitalso.
Well,surelyyourreligion,thereligionthatyoutaughtmewhenIwasaboy,mother,
musttellyouthatIamright.Youknowit,youfeelit.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Idonotknowit.Idonotfeelit,norwillIeverstandbefore
God'saltarandaskGod'sblessingonsohideousamockeryasamarriagebetweenme
andGeorgeHarford.IwillnotsaythewordstheChurchbidsustosay.Iwillnotsay
them.Idarenot.HowcouldIsweartolovethemanIloathe,tohonourhimwho
wroughtyoudishonour,toobeyhimwho,inhismastery,mademetosin? No:marriage
isasacramentforthosewholoveeachother.Itisnotforsuchashim,orsuchasme.
Gerald,tosaveyoufromtheworld'ssneersandtauntsIhaveliedtotheworld.For
twentyyearsIhaveliedtotheworld.Icouldnottelltheworldthetruth.Whocan,ever?
ButnotformyownsakewillIlietoGod,andinGod'spresence.No,Gerald,no
ceremony,ChurchhallowedorStatemade,shalleverbindmetoGeorgeHarford.It
maybethatIamtooboundtohimalready,who,robbingme,yetleftmericher,sothatin
themireofmylifeIfoundthepearlofprice,orwhatIthoughtwouldbeso.
GERALD.Idon'tunderstandyounow.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Mendon'tunderstandwhatmothersare.Iamnodifferentfrom
otherwomenexceptinthewrongdonemeandthewrongIdid,andmyveryheavy
punishmentsandgreatdisgrace.Andyet,tobearyouIhadtolookondeath.Tonurture
youIhadtowrestlewithit.Deathfoughtwithmeforyou.Allwomenhavetofightwith
deathtokeeptheirchildren.Death,beingchildless,wantsourchildrenfromus.Gerald,

whenyouwerenakedIclothedyou,whenyouwerehungryIgaveyoufood.Nightand
dayallthatlongwinterItendedyou.Noofficeistoomean,nocaretoolowlyforthe
thingwewomenloveandoh!howIlovedYOU.NotHannah,Samuelmore.Andyou
neededlove,foryouwereweakly,andonlylovecouldhavekeptyoualive.Onlylove
cankeepanyonealive.Andboysarecarelessoftenandwithoutthinkinggivepain,and
wealwaysfancythatwhentheycometoman'sestateandknowusbettertheywillrepay
us.Butitisnotso.Theworlddrawsthemfromourside,andtheymakefriendswith
whomtheyarehappierthantheyarewithus,andhaveamusementsfromwhichweare
barred,andintereststhatarenotours:andtheyareunjusttousoften,forwhentheyfind
lifebittertheyblameusforit,andwhentheyfinditsweetwedonottasteitssweetness
withthem...Youmademanyfriendsandwentintotheirhousesandweregladwith
them,andI,knowingmysecret,didnotdaretofollow,butstayedathomeandclosedthe
door,shutoutthesunandsatindarkness.WhatshouldIhavedoneinhonest
households?Mypastwaseverwithme....AndyouthoughtIdidn'tcareforthe
pleasantthingsoflife.ItellyouIlongedforthem,butdidnotdaretotouchthem,
feelingIhadnoright.YouthoughtIwashappierworkingamongstthepoor.Thatwas
mymission,youimagined.Itwasnot,butwhereelsewasItogo?Thesickdonotaskif
thehandthatsmoothstheirpillowispure,northedyingcareifthelipsthattouchtheir
browhaveknownthekissofsin.ItwasyouIthoughtofallthetimeIgavetothemthe
loveyoudidnotneed:lavishedonthemalovethatwasnottheirs.. .AndyouthoughtI
spenttoomuchofmytimeingoingtoChurch,andinChurchduties.Butwhereelse
couldIturn?God'shouseistheonlyhousewheresinnersaremadewelcome,andyou
werealwaysinmyheart,Gerald,toomuchinmyheart.For,though dayafterday,at
mornorevensong,IhavekneltinGod'shouse,Ihaveneverrepentedofmysin.How
couldIrepentofmysinwhenyou,mylove,wereitsfruit!Evennowthatyouarebitter
tomeIcannotrepent.Idonot.Youaremoretomethaninnocence.Iwouldratherbe
yourmother oh!muchrather! thanhavebeenalwayspure...Oh,don'tyousee?don't
youunderstand?Itismydishonourthathasmadeyousodeartome.Itismydisgrace
thathasboundyousocloselytome.ItisthepriceIpaidforyouthepriceofsouland
body thatmakesmeloveyouasIdo.Oh,don'taskmetodothishorriblething.Child
ofmyshame,bestillthechildofmyshame!
GERALD.Mother,Ididn'tknowyoulovedmesomuchasthat.AndIwillbeabetter
sontoyouthanIhavebeen.AndyouandImustneverleaveeachother...but,mother.
..Ican'thelpit...youmustbecomemyfather'swife.Youmustmarryhim.Itisyour
duty.
HESTER.[RunningforwardsandembracingMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]No,noyoushall
not.Thatwouldberealdishonour,thefirstyouhaveeverknown.Thatwouldbereal
disgrace:thefirsttotouchyou.Leavehimandcomewithme.Thereareothercountries
thanEngland...Oh!othercountriesoversea,better,wiser,andlessunjustlands.The
worldisverywideandverybig.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.No,notforme.Formetheworldisshrivelledtoapalm's
breadth,andwhereIwalktherearethorns.

HESTER.Itshallnotbeso.Weshallsomewherefindgreenvalleysandfreshwaters,
andifweweep,well,weshallweeptogether.Havewenotbothlovedhim?
GERALD.Hester!
HESTER.[Wavinghimback.]Don't,don't!Youcannotlovemeatall,unlessyoulove
heralso.Youcannothonourme,unlessshe'sholiertoyou.Inherallwomanhoodis
martyred.Notshealone,butallofusarestrickeninherhouse.
GERALD.Hester,Hester,whatshallIdo?
HESTER.Doyourespectthemanwhoisyourfather?
GERALD.Respecthim?Idespisehim!Heisinfamous.
HESTER. Ithankyouforsavingmefromhimlastnight.
GERALD.Ah,thatisnothing.Iwoulddietosaveyou.Butyoudon'ttellmewhattodo
now!
HESTER.HaveInotthankedyouforsavingME?
GERALD.ButwhatshouldIdo?
HESTER.Askyourownheart,notmine.Ineverhadamothertosave,orshame.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Heishardheishard.Letmegoaway.
GERALD.[Rushesoverandkneelsdownbedsidehismother.]Mother,forgiveme:I
havebeentoblame.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Don'tkissmyhands:they arecold.Myheartiscold:something
hasbrokenit.
HESTER,Ah,don'tsaythat.Heartslivebybeingwounded.Pleasuremayturnaheartto
stone,richesmaymakeitcallous,butsorrow oh,sorrowcannotbreakit.Besides,what
sorrowshaveyounow?Why,atthismomentyouaremoredeartohimthanever,DEAR
thoughyouhaveBEEN,andoh!howdearyouHAVEbeenalways.Ah!bekindtohim.
GERALD.Youaremymotherandmyfatherallinone.Ineednosecondparent.Itwas
foryouIspoke,foryoualone.Oh,saysomething,mother.HaveIbutfoundoneloveto
loseanother?Don'ttellmethat.Omother,youarecruel.[Getsupandflingshimself
sobbingonasofa.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[ToHESTER.]Buthashefoundindeedanotherlove?

HESTER. YouknowIhavelovedhimalways.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Butweareverypoor.
HESTER.Who,beingloved,ispoor?Oh,noone.Ihatemyriches.Theyareaburden.
Lethimshareitwithme.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Butwearedisgraced.WerankamongtheoutcastsGeraldis
nameless.Thesinsoftheparentsshouldbevisitedonthechildren.ItisGod'slaw.
HESTER.Iwaswrong.God'slawisonlyLove.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[Rises,andtakingHESTERbythehand,goesslowlyoverto
whereGERALDislyingonthesofawithhisheadburiedinhishands.Shetoucheshim
andhelooksup.]Gerald,Icannotgiveyouafather,butIhavebroughtyouawife.
GERALD.Mother,Iamnotworthyeitherofheroryou.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Soshecomesfirst,youareworthy.Andwhenyouareaway,
Gerald...with...her oh,thinkofmesometimes.Don'tforgetme.Andwhenyou
pray,prayforme.Weshouldpraywhenwearehappiest,andyouwillbehappy,Gerald.
HESTER.Oh,youdon'tthinkofleavingus?
GERALD.Mother, youwon'tleaveus?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Imightbringshameuponyou!
GERALD.Mother!
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Foralittlethen:andifyouletme,nearyoualways.
HESTER.[ToMRS.ARBUTHNOT.]Comeoutwithustothegarden.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Lateron,lateron.[ExeuntHESTERandGERALD.MRS.
ARBUTHNOTgoestowardsdoorL.C.Stopsatlookingglassovermantelpieceand
looksintoit.EnterALICER.C.]
ALICE.Agentlemantoseeyou,ma'am.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.SayIamnotathome.Showmethecard.[Takescardfrom
salverandlooksatit.]SayIwillnotseehim.
[LORDILLINGWORTHenters.MRS.ARBUTHNOTseeshimintheglassandstarts,
butdoesnotturnround.ExitALICE.]Whatcanyouhavetosaytometoday,George
Harford?Youcanhavenothingtosaytome.Youmustleavethishouse.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Rachel,Geraldknowseverythingaboutyouandmenow,so
somearrangementmustbecometothatwillsuitusallthree.Iassureyou,hewillfindin
methemostcharmingandgenerousoffathers.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Mysonmaycomeinatanymoment.Isavedyoulastnight.I
maynotbeabletosaveyouagain.Mysonfeelsmydishonourstrongly,terribly
strongly.Ibegyoutogo.
LORDILLINGWORTH.[Sittingdown.]Lastnightwasexcessively unfortunate.That
sillyPuritangirlmakingascenemerelybecauseIwantedtokissher.Whatharmisthere
inakiss?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[Turninground.]Akissmayruinahumanlife,GeorgeHarford.
Iknowthat.Iknowthattoowell.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Wewon'tdiscussthatatpresent.Whatisofimportanceto
day,asyesterday,isstillourson.Iamextremelyfondofhim,asyouknow,andodd
thoughitmayseemtoyou,Iadmiredhisconductlastnightimmensely.Hetookupthe
cudgelsforthatprettyprudewithwonderfulpromptitude.HeisjustwhatIshouldhave
likedasonofminetobe.Exceptthatnosonofmineshouldevertakethesideofthe
Puritans:thatisalwaysanerror.Now,whatIproposeisthis.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.LordIllingworth,nopropositionofyoursinterestsme.
LORDILLINGWORTH.AccordingtoourridiculousEnglishlaws,Ican'tlegitimise
Gerald.ButIcanleavehimmyproperty.Illingworthisentailed,ofcourse,butitisa
tediousbarrackofaplace.HecanhaveAshby,whichismuchprettier,Harborough,
whichhasthebestshootinginthenorthofEngland,andthehouseinSt.JamesSquare.
Whatmorecanagentlemanrequireinthisworld?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Nothingmore,Iamquitesure.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Asfora title,atitleisreallyratheranuisanceinthese
democraticdays.AsGeorgeHarfordIhadeverythingIwanted.NowIhavemerely
everythingthatotherpeoplewant,whichisn'tnearlysopleasant.Well,myproposalis
this.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ItoldyouIwasnotinterested,andIbegyoutogo.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Theboyistobewithyouforsixmonthsintheyear,andwith
mefortheothersix.Thatisperfectlyfair,isitnot?Youcanhavewhateverallowance
youlike,andlivewhereyouchoose. Asforyourpast,nooneknowsanythingaboutit
exceptmyselfandGerald.ThereisthePuritan,ofcourse,thePuritaninwhitemuslin,
butshedoesn'tcount.Shecouldn'ttellthestorywithoutexplainingthatsheobjectedto
beingkissed,couldshe?Andallthewomenwouldthinkherafoolandthementhinkher

abore.AndyouneednotbeafraidthatGeraldwon'tbemyheir.Ineedn'ttellyouIhave
nottheslightestintentionofmarrying.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Youcometoolate.Mysonhasnoneedofyou.Youarenot
necessary.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatdoyoumean,Rachel?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ThatyouarenotnecessarytoGerald'scareer.Hedoesnot
requireyou.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Idonotunderstandyou.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Lookintothegarden.[LORDILLINGWORTHrisesandgoes
towardswindow.]Youhadbetternotletthemseeyou:youbringunpleasantmemories.
[LORDILLINGWORTHlooksoutandstarts.]Sheloveshim.Theyloveeachother.
Wearesafefromyou,andwearegoingaway.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Where?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Wewillnottellyou,andifyoufinduswewillnotknowyou.
Youseemsurprised.Whatwelcomewouldyougetfromthegirlwhoselipsyoutriedto
soil,fromtheboywhoselifeyouhaveshamed,fromthemotherwhosedishonourcomes
fromyou?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Youhavegrownhard,Rachel.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Iwastooweakonce.ItiswellformethatIhavechanged.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iwasveryyoungatthetime.Wemenknowlifetooearly.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Andwewomenknowlifetoolate.Thatisthedifferencebetween
menandwomen.[Apause.]
LORDILLINGWORTH.Rachel,Iwantmyson.Mymoneymaybeofnousetohim
now.Imaybeofnousetohim,butIwantmyson.Bringustogether,Rachel.Youcan
doitif youchoose.[Seesletterontable.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Thereisnoroominmyboy'slifeforyou.Heisnotinterestedin
YOU.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Thenwhydoeshewritetome?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Whatdoyoumean?
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatletteristhis? [Takesupletter.]

MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Thatisnothing.Giveittome.
LORDILLINGWORTH.ItisaddressedtoME.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Youarenottoopenit.Iforbidyoutoopenit.
LORDILLINGWORTH.AndinGerald'shandwriting.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Itwasnottohavebeensent.Itisaletterhewrotetoyouthis
morning,beforehesawme.Butheissorrynowhewroteit,verysorry.Youarenotto
openit.Giveittome.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Itbelongstome.[Opensit,sitsdownandreadsitslowly.
MRS.ARBUTHNOTwatcheshimallthetime.]Youhavereadthisletter,Isuppose,
Rachel?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.No.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Youknowwhatisinit?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Yes!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Idon'tadmitforamomentthattheboyisrightinwhathe
says.Idon'tadmitthatitisanydutyofminetomarryyou.Idenyitentirely.Buttoget
mysonbackIamready yes,Iamreadytomarryyou,Rachel andtotreatyoualways
withthedeferenceandrespectduetomywife.Iwillmarryyouassoonasyouchoose.I
giveyoumywordofhonour.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Youmadethatpromisetomeoncebeforeandbrokeit.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iwillkeepitnow.AndthatwillshowyouthatIlovemyson,
atleastasmuchasyoulovehim.ForwhenImarry you,Rachel,therearesome
ambitionsIshallhavetosurrender.Highambitions,too,ifanyambitionishigh.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ideclinetomarryyou,LordIllingworth.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Areyouserious?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Yes.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Dotellmeyourreasons.Theywouldinterestmeenormously.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Ihavealreadyexplainedthemtomyson.

LORDILLINGWORTH.Isupposetheywereintenselysentimental,weren'tthey?You
womenlivebyyouremotionsandforthem.Youhavenophilosophyoflife.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Youareright.Wewomenlivebyouremotionsandforthem.By
ourpassions,andforthem,ifyouwill.Ihavetwopassions,LordIllingworth:myloveof
him,myhateofyou.Youcannotkillthose.Theyfeedeachother.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatsortofloveisthatwhichneedstohavehateasits
brother?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ItisthesortofloveIhaveforGerald.Doyouthinkthatterrible?
Wellitisterrible.Allloveisterrible.Allloveisatragedy.Ilovedyouonce,Lord
Illingworth.Oh,whatatragedyforawomantohavelovedyou!
LORDILLINGWORTH.Soyoureallyrefusetomarryme?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Yes.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Becauseyouhateme?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Yes.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Anddoesmysonhatemeasyoudo?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.No.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Iamgladofthat,Rachel.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Hemerelydespisesyou.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Whatapity!Whatapityforhim,Imean.
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Don'tbedeceived,George.Childrenbeginby lovingtheir
parents.Afteratimetheyjudgethem.Rarelyifeverdotheyforgivethem.
LORDILLINGWORTH.[Readsletteroveragain,veryslowly.]MayIaskbywhat
argumentsyoumadetheboywhowrotethisletter,thisbeautiful,passionateletter,
believethatyoushouldnotmarryhisfather,thefatherofyourownchild?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ItwasnotIwhomadehimseeit.Itwasanother.
LORDILLINGWORTH.WhatFINDESIECLEperson?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.ThePuritan,LordIllingworth.[Apause.]

LORDILLINGWORTH.[Winces,thenrisesslowlyandgoesovertotablewherehishat
andglovesare.MRS.ARBUTHNOTisstandingclosetothetable.Hepicksuponeof
thegloves,andbeginspullingiton.]Thereisnotmuchthenformetodohere,Rachel?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Nothing.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Itisgoodbye,isit?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Forever,Ihope,thistime,LordIllingworth.
LORDILLINGWORTH.Howcurious!Atthismomentyoulookexactlyasyoulooked
thenightyouleftmetwentyyearsago.Youhavejustthesameexpressioninyour
mouth.Uponmyword,Rachel,nowomaneverlovedmeasyoudid.Why,yougave
yourselftomelikeaflower,todoanythingIlikedwith.Youweretheprettiestof
playthings,themostfascinatingofsmallromances...[Pullsoutwatch.]Quartertotwo!
MustbestrollingbacktoHunstanton.Don'tsupposeIshallseeyouthereagain.I'm
sorry,Iam,really.It'sbeenanamusingexperiencetohavemetamongstpeopleofone's
ownrank,andtreatedquiteseriouslytoo,one'smistress,andone's
[MRS.ARBUTHNOTsnatchesupgloveandstrikesLORDILLINGWORTHacrossthe
facewithit.LORDILLINGWORTHstarts.Heisdazedbytheinsultofhispunishment.
Thenhecontrolshimself,andgoestowindowandlooksoutathisson.Sighsandleaves
theroom.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[Fallssobbingonthesofa.]Hewouldhavesaidit.Hewould
havesaidit.
[EnterGERALDandHESTERfromthegarden.]
GERALD.Well,dearmother.Younevercameoutafterall.Sowehavecomeinto
fetchyou.Mother,youhavenotbeencrying?[Kneelsdownbesideher.]
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.Myboy!Myboy!Myboy![Runningherfingersthroughhis
hair.]
HESTER.[Comingover.]Butyouhavetwochildrennow.You'llletmebeyour
daughter?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[Lookingup.]Wouldyouchoosemeforamother?
HESTER.YouofallwomenIhaveeverknown.
[Theymovetowardsthedoorleadingintogardenwiththeirarmsroundeachother's
waists.GERALDgoestotableL.C.forhishat.OnturningroundheseesLORD
ILLINGWORTH'Sglovelyingonthefloor,andpicksitup.]

GERALD.Hallo,mother,whosegloveisthis?Youhavehadavisitor.Whowasit?
MRS.ARBUTHNOT.[Turninground.]Oh!noone.Nooneinparticular.Amanofno
importance.
CURTAIN

THEEND