Hodge-Podge

A Collection of Poetry and One Essay

Elizabeth B. Hastings

To my father, a history buff and avid bibliophile, who instilled in me a lifelong love of books.
Also to my mother, who prayed when she was pregnant with me that I would inherit my fathers
brain. It appears that she got her wish.

Modified School Assignments

My College Essay
What follows is the essay that I wrote for my college applications. It is about my experiences
keeping small pets while I was growing up, which I still do to this day. The college admissions
people must have liked it, because I was accepted at most of the universities to which I sent this
essay. One person even complimented me on it in my acceptance letter!
One of the most memorable experiences of my childhood is my ongoing ownership of
small pets. I have always been fascinated by them, especially by mice. I consider myself to be
lucky, because not many other people have experienced the joy and unexpected thrill that small
animals can bring, as opposed to the more common dogs and cats. It would require a book to
contain all the stories I have of my pets, so I will tell only the most memorable anecdotes.
The first pets I ever owned were two mice by the name of Caesar and Minnie. My parents
bought them for me on the weekend before I started first grade. Little did we know what we were
getting into. They lived peacefully in a small, cage-like aquarium in the basement. Caesar, an
albino, and Minnie, a traditional brown mouse, became like husband and wife. Their
personalities soon became evident. Minnie was a content, gentle creature, but Caesar had a
passion for adventure that we thought could not exist in an animal so small. He was constantly
trying to get out of his cage, either by climbing on top of toys in the cage or by jumping.
Whenever my father and I would clean Caesar and Minnies cage, Caesar would try to jump out
of it. Many times he came very close to succeeding. In fact, we almost lost him. My father and I
were checking on the mice one morning when we heard faint squeaking noises and saw a white
blur on the other side of the basement. When we got closer we discovered it to be Caesar,
disoriented and running in small circles. We were relieved to have found him, and soon after that
we bought a much-needed wire cover for the cage. Caesar would then start walking upside-down
on the cover, and would even try to remove it, but fortunately did not succeed. As time went on,
however, I am sad to say that Caesars health did not last. Being an albino, he was prone to more
health problems than non-albinos, which would lead to a shorter life span. Mice are expected to
live two years, but after only one year Caesar lost his eyesight and hearing, and it was not long
before Minnie became a widow. Since I was so young and he was my first pet, I was
understandably quite upset, although it was a comfort to still have Minnie, who fortunately filled
out her life span. Caesar was and still is missed, and my parents and I agree that Caesar and
Minnie were the best mice that I have ever owned.
Mice were not the only small pet that I ever owned; I also had, and still have, guinea pigs.
I got my first guinea pig when I was a lonely ten-year-old. It was a black and white male named
Nibbins who still holds a special place in my heart to this day. He had such a calm and patient
disposition that it is little wonder that guinea pigs are said to be excellent pets for children. It has
now been three years since his death and I still miss him sometimes and always look back on him
fondly. Fortunately, the guinea pig I have currently is just as loving and easy-going as Nibbins,
and I could not ask for better luck.

I must have owned more than twenty-five small animals throughout my childhood. Some
were wonderful, some were average, and some were downright malicious. All in all, they have
given me many exciting and happy memories, and I would recommend mice or guinea pigs to
anyone who is considering getting a low-maintenance pet. I have been truly fortunate to have
experienced the excitement and happiness that these often-overlooked small animals can bring.

What follows are two poems that I originally wrote as high school assignments, and have
decided to include here. I wrote this poem for an assignment in my senior-year AP English
class. We were supposed to include allegorical references in our work. My poem refers to
former president Bill Clinton, Princess Diana, 9/11, the Kardashians, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj,
and other pop culture phenomena, circa 2012.
Allegory
I must have been born too late
Because I missed a lot of news bait
The 1990s was a time of change and strife
There was the old goat in office, and his equally infamous wife
The whole Land of the Free was off on a boy band spree
While mourning the tragic death of a much-loved princess.
But peoples hearts quickly went on
With the epic visual phenomenon of James Cameron.
But one day the world took an unexpected turn
With the advent of the Great Crash and Burn
From the other side of the world.
When it happened I was but a wee lass
But I saw that the damage was very, very vast,
And why the whole of America wanted the maniacal Satans @#$.
And almost immediately change took effect.
Its now been more than ten years
Man has cried a billion tears
Its now a royal pain to travel by plane
And people are wondering if the fear of a repeat will wane.
Music and TV have changed for better or for worse
TV is filled with reality trash and debauched Italians
And annoying sisters who cannot keep their marriage to disillusioned stallions.
Music, which is already an ever-changing art
Has undergone an even more radical start
It seems that some musicians are more famous for their outlandish dress
Than for the quality of their work and product of their stress.
And I have to say it irks me, working as hard as I do and always prepared for mo
To see young rappers make millions off songs such as Stupid Hoe
Or little boys being sent to private school because one bit the others finger
And their daddy caught it on video.
Ah, well, the world keeps on turning
Who knows what will be the next thing to start burning
Im looking forward to the rest of my days
And seeing the next new craze

And wondering what the world will entail for our grandkids
And whether they will recognize how absurd this current time is.
This next poem is one that I wrote for my senior-year economics class. I tried to combine
everything that we had learned over the semester into the poem, since this was our culminating,
semester-end project. I wrote it in 2012, the year of a high-takes presidential election and a
still-fragile economy.
The Economy
Today I am composing this verse
To talk about matters of the purse.
The number-one issue, the economy
The primary target of most of the news
That, and abortion and womanly issues.
Stocks are down and the Dow dropped 400 points;
The economy stinks and it isnt improving.

The NASDAQ and Dow Jones are bleak and low

Not too many co.s are offering IPOs.
Im afraid to invest in any stock
It might put me in a financial block.
This country needs to use some SMART goals
To get us out of these economic holes.
The economy stinks and it isnt improving.

Bonds and options seem to be safe and sound

Ways to store money so it can still be found
When the economy takes another hit.
So before this country is again bit
We need to stop being U.S. idiots.
I hope someone takes this land under his wing;
The economy stinks and it isnt improving.

I suppose we should breathe a sigh of relief

That were not yet as bad as Italy or Greece
Gracias Dios, hay un poco de peace
Those countries are ready to go into default
At which our leader over here would balk
No president would want that to be his fault.
The economy stinks and it isnt improving.

The demand for improvement is high

But the supply of change does not seem nigh.
Americas people breathe a heavy sigh.
A good economy and a thriving country
Are complements, and having them both
Would quite please Americas ladies and gents.
The economy stinks and it isnt improving.

Works Specifically Created for This Anthology

Winter in Cleveland
During the winter in C-town
The snow really comes down.
There are blusters and flurries
Which give many commuters worries.
A lot of people want to tell their friends and families See ya,
And move out to Florida.
However, as cold and snowy as it can get,
It has never caused me to want from Cleveland to split.
In my own personal view,
Living in a region that has four seasons is good for you.

A Very True Haiku

I love tall, dark men;
The way they look, smell, feel, talk,
They make my heart sing.

Haiku 2
The western sun sags,
It is retiring for night.
But will be up soon.

Haiku 3
During the autumn
Leaves die and fall off trees.
Winter is coming.

Haiku 4
Haiku are fun, easy
To write, because they are short.
Anyone can do them.

Concerning My Guinea Pig, Alfie

Alfie is a furry, loving, adorable boy,
Who is cuter than a stuffed toy.
He lives in my bedroom, where he spends his day
Dozing, walking, drinking water, and eating pellets and hay.
Alfies fur is mostly white, with some gray and a hint of light brown.
He is so cute; he should be shown around town.
My parents and I love him a lot;
He is almost like a little tot.
Alfie loves to be petted and played with;
He will even close his eyes and purr with mirth.
He is so cute, gentle, and sweet
That it makes being his owner a real treat.

Ten Reasons Why College Is HIGHLY Overrated

There is no guarantee that it will get you a job.
Drunk, slutty girls who just want to schlob the knob;
Douchebag guys who think its the height of cool to, (on a weekday) get drunk off their asses;
And have I mentioned two to three hour classes?
They make you take all these general education courses
So that you will become well-rounded
As your student loan debt gets increasingly compounded.
You make friends one semester, then never see them again;
Its hard to even make friends if you dont live on campus, and forget about finding hot men.
The professors are brilliant, but some really cant teach;
If you actually work hard your energy gets drained as if its being sucked out by a leech;
I could go on but you get the point; college can be interesting, but its also a bitch.
(Not to mention a waste of time, money, and resources and a perpetuation of adolescence).

Oh Muses, Please Dont Fail Me

Literature is my passion; literature is my fire;
If I said it was not, I would be a liar.
Even though I am not an English major,
I still think that pursuing my passion is my best wager
For having a happy and successful existence.
(Which is why Ive bothered to begin writing in the first place, for instance).

I have gone through college majors like other girls go through guys,
Always looking for the one that I think will be a big prize.
I actually tried going into STEM,
Always a great, much-hyped route for todays young women and men.
But for me, it was nothing short of an epic fail,
And I had no choice but to bail.

I have finally found a major that I both like and understand,

But literature and writing still have the upper hand.
So Muses, please dont fail me in this endeavor,
As I sit here writing poems about nothing in particular,
Hoping to get them published, get them out there,
See if I can get anywhere with my literature flair.

Compassion for a Close Acquaintance

You are such a good, caring, Christian person,
But life never seems to cut you a break, and every day gives you reason to groan.
You have had more than your fair share of health problems,
But you have always cared for others needs as if they were your own.
And now you have lost your brother, your only sibling,
And are taking care of your aging mother (your father is also dead).
I know you loved your brother, and must have hated how he destroyed his own health.
Despite all you have been through, your faith stays strong; in God you believe you have wealth.
I am proud to know you and I wholeheartedly support you.