Nguyen Hoai Phung

EFK16 Class B
Student ID 1657010231

UNIT 8: The wireless classroom

Cell phones are harmful for young people.
It can be said that the invention of cell phones has made a great revolution in
technology because it has altered the lifestyle of the young generation today.
Each of them has their own cell phones, even when they are only children and
these cell phones become their inseparaple things. Many people believe that cell
phones are harmful for young people. I partially agree with this idea, but
besides downsides, cell phones also give us a lot of benefits.
First of all, no one can deny the advantages cell phones bring about. They help
us communicate with family, friends and colleagues much easier. You may chat
and talk to them everywhen and everywhere. They gives us many applications
such as alamer, directory, camera, etc. If you have a phone connected to the
Internet, it is possible for you to listen to music, watch video and play games
online. In addition, they are really useful in emergency situations. For instance,
St. Louis, Missouri, on August 3, 2010, was returning home from work, she was
was approached by two men in her apartments parking lot. She was put into the
trunk of her car, stabbed and choked but the she managed to call the 911. Owing
to her phones GPS, the 911 dispatcher could locate her. She was found and
saved while two assailants were arrested.
Apart from benefits, cell phones may make many bad impacts on the users,
especially young people. They can be addictive and time-consuming. In a recent
survey, it is estimated that about 30 40 per cent of the number of people
inquired said that if they lost their phones, they might feel uneasy. They are so
dependent on cell phones that they suffer from sadness and nervousness when
they cease using them. Moreover, children dont play with the other, they just
concentrate on games in their phones. This can lead to limit their
communication and affect badly their eyesight. Cell phones are also known as
one of the leading causes to traffic accidents. At first I was reluctant because
they seemed not to have any connections. However, according to statistics, there
are a lot of motorway crashes that are relevant to using cell phones while
driving because they cannot pay attention when answering phone. Furthermore,
it might be viewed as rudeness in formal cases. For examples, it is rude to use
cell phones while teachers or lecturers are explaining lessons. It shows that you

dont take notice of the teachers and ignore their instructions and then the worstcase scenario would be for you to get bad marks in your study.
To sum up, technology has been evolving and the importance of cell phones are
undeniable. Regardless of these, sometimes, you should put them aside and
spend more time with your family and friends because its obvious that your
feelings cannot be replaced by cell phones.
Feedback:
*Huynh Ngoc Minh Chau:
- Adjust your writing style
- Interesting ideas and content.
*Pham Thi Huyen:
- Some misuse of prepositions
- Misspelling words
- Paragraphing
FINAL VER.
It can be said that the invention of cell phones has made a great revolution in
technology because it has altered the lifestyle of the young generation today.
Each of them has their own cell phones, even when they are only children and
these cell phones become their inseparable things. Many people believe that
cell phones are harmful for young people. I partially agree with this idea, but
besides downsides, cell phones also give us a lot of benefits.
First of all, no one can deny the advantages cell phones bring about. They help
us communicate with family, friends and colleagues much easier. You may chat
and talk to them every when and everywhere. They give us many applications
such as alarm, directory, camera, etc. If you have a phone connected to the
Internet, it is possible for you to listen to music, watch video and play games
online. In addition, they are really useful in emergency situations. For instance,
St. Louis, Missouri, on August 3, 2010, was returning home from work, she was
approached by two men in her apartments parking lot. She was put into the
trunk of her car, stabbed and choked, but then she managed to call the 911.
Owing to her phones GPS, the 911 dispatcher could locate her. She was found
and saved while two assailants were arrested.
Apart from benefits, cell phones may make many bad impacts on the users,
especially young people. They can be addictive and time-consuming. In a

recent survey, it is estimated that about 30 40 per cent of the number of

people inquired said that if they lost their phones, they might feel uneasy. They
are so dependent on cell phones that they suffer from sadness and nervousness
when they cease using them. Moreover, children dont play with the other, they
just concentrate on games in their phones. This can lead to limit their
communication and affect badly their eyesight. Cell phones are also known as
one of the leading causes to traffic accidents. At first I was reluctant because
they seemed not to have any connections. However, according to statistics,
there are a lot of motorway crashes that are relevant to using cell phones while
driving because they cannot pay attention when answering the phone.
Furthermore, it might be viewed as rude in formal cases. For examples, it is
rude to use cell phones while teachers or lecturers are explaining the lessons. It
shows that you dont take notice of the teachers and ignore their instructions,
and then the worst-case scenario would be for you to get bad marks in your
study.
To sum up, technology has evolved, and the importance of cell phones are
undeniable. Regardless of these, sometimes, you should put them aside, and
spend more time with your family and friends because its obvious that your
feelings cannot be replaced by cell phones.
No.

1
2
3
4
5

Criteria for assessment

Your opinion as a clear thesis

At least one anecdote
A conclusion
A recommendation
Grammar for editing :
+ make sure that the subject
and verb in a sentence
agree.
- The third-person singular
subjects ( he, she, it, and
all singular nouns) need an
s on the verb or a special
form such is, has, or does

Componen
t
Score

Your scores
(selfassessment
s)

1
1
1
1
1

+ Use modal to express

obligation and possibility.
6

A variety of sentence types

Use target words in the

discussion board post.
Arrange information and ideas

(6 ws)

Official scores
(Teachers
assessment)

Teachers
comment
s

coherently
9
Use cohesive devices
effectively
10
Use paragraphing correctly
11
Have convincing content
Total scores

0.5

0.5
1
8.5