TERM PAPER

SUBJECT- MANAGING INTERPERSONAL & GROUP

PROCESSES

TOPIC-DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

SUBMITTED TO: SUBMITTED BY:

Dr. B.L. BAJPAI SABA KAZMI

FACULTY, DBA MBA 3rd SEM.

UNIVERSITY OF LUCKNOW
 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
The making of this term-paper has become
possible due to the guidance, efforts and co-
operation given by many people who have played
an important role however, small or big, in it’s
successful completion.
I wish to extend my humble gratitude to
Dr. B.L.Bajpai for his kind efforts and guidance for
this term-paper, whose ever presence in my mind
with helping attitude encouraged me complete this
term-paper.
I express my deep sense of gratitude to my friends
for their valuable help and continuous motivation
and family members for their co-operation and
support during the making of this term-paper.

SAB
A KAZMI
 MBA
3rd SEM.

"Every moment that you spend upset, in despair, in anguish, angry or hurt because of the
behavior of anybody else in your life is a moment in which you have given up control of your
life."

Wayne Dyer

"In the school of life, difficult people are the faculty. They teach us our most important spiritual
lessons, the lessons that we would be most unlikely to learn on our own."

Mark I. Rosen

No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas or
people who simply do not like us. There are quite a large number of people out there and conflict
is a fact of life. This fact isn’t the cause of conflict but it is the trigger to our emotions and our
emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct; react and attack back to
defend ourselves.

In these instinctual moments, we may lose track of our higher selves and become the human
animal with an urge to protect ourselves when attacked. This too is natural. However, we are the
only animal blessed with intelligence and having the ability to control our responses. So how can
we do that?

Difficult People
Difficult people are no easier to deal with in electronic forums than they are in person. By
"difficult" I don't mean "rude". Rude people are annoying, but they're not necessarily difficult. It
is discussed how to handle them: comment on the rudeness the first time, and from then on,
either ignore them or treat them the same as anyone else. If they continue being rude, they will
usually make themselves so unpopular as to have no influence on others in the project, so they
are a self-containing problem.

The really difficult cases are people who are not overtly rude, but who manipulate or abuse the
project's processes in a way that ends up costing other people time and energy, yet do not bring
any benefit to the project. Such people often look for wedge points in the project's procedures, to
give themselves more influence than they might otherwise have. This is much more insidious
than mere rudeness, because neither the behavior nor the damage it causes is apparent to casual
observers. A classic example is the filibuster, in which someone (always sounding as reasonable
as possible, of course) keeps claiming that the matter under discussion is not ready for resolution,
and offers more and more possible solutions, or new viewpoints on old solutions, when what is
really going on is that he senses that a consensus or a ballot is about to form, and doesn't like
where it is probably headed. Another example is when there's a debate that won't converge on
consensus, but the group tries to at least clarify the points of disagreement and produce a
summary for everyone to refer to from then on. The obstructionist, who knows the summary may
lead to a result he doesn't like, will often try to delay even the summary, by relentlessly
complicating the question of what should be in it, either by objecting to reasonable suggestions
or by introducing unexpected new items.

Why Bother Controlling Our Responses?

• Hurting Ourselves - “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting
the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to negativity, we
are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves.
• It’s Not About You, It’s About Them – it is learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a
reflection of their inner state expressed externally and we just happen to be in front of that
expression. It’s not personal, so why do we take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes
problems and conflict. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want
to take others down with them. There have been many times when a random person has left a
purposefully hurtful comment on TSN, and regularly checked back to see if anyone else
responded to their comment, waiting eagerly to respond with more negativity.
• Battle of the Ego - When we respond impulsively, it is a natural and honest response. However,
is it the smart thing to do? What can be resolved by doing so? The answer: Nothing. It does
however feed our ego’s need for conflict. Have you noticed that when we fight back, it feels
really satisfying in our heads? But it doesn’t feel very good in our soul? Our stomach becomes
tight, and we start having violent thoughts? When we do respond irrationally, it turns the
conversation from a one-sided negative expression into a battle of two egos. It becomes an
unnecessary and unproductive battle for Who is Right?
• Anger Feeds Anger. Negativity Feeds Negativity. - Rarely can any good come out of reacting
against someone who is in a negative state. It will only trigger anger and an additional reactive
response from that person. If we do respond impulsively, we’ll have invested energy in the
defending of ourselves and we’ll feel more psychologically compelled to defend ourselves going
forward. Have you noticed that the angrier our thoughts become, the angrier we become? It’s a
negative downward spiral.
 • Waste of Energy - Where attention goes, energy flows. What we focus on tends to expand itself.
Since we can only focus on one thing at a time, energy spent on negativity is energy that could
have been spent on our personal wellbeing.
• Negativity Spreads - I’ve found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life, it starts to
subtly bleed into other areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against
someone, we don’t feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When
we don’t feel very good, we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other
areas of our lives, unnecessarily.
• Freedom of Speech - People are as entitled to their opinions as you are. Allow them to express
how they feel and let it be. Remember that it’s all relative and a matter of perspective. What we
consider positive can be perceived by another as negative. When we react, it becomes me-versus-
you, who is right? Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves - it
may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their
own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose
peace or we can choose conflict.

Top Ten Things About Dealing with Difficult People

The tendency is to come at this is from two-sides. Two adversaries locked in a battle for survival. It is
scary when Dealing with Difficult People! Truly, we have been there. Some examples of evasiveness-

• Leave it till the end of the day.

• Make sympathetic noises with what other people are experiencing at the hands of the person - but
do little.
• Only see what they are very good at and 'park' the rest.
• Promote them out of your team.
• Think it's you, not them.

From their point of view, and we know there can be some real stinkers out there, they often don't realise
that their behaviour is unacceptable. This is a do-able issue - be brave at first and it will always be with
you.

The best at Dealing with Difficult People...

1. Communicate Well
They listen well and let the other party do a lot of the talking. They ask open questions and
allowing a lot of space. This is a space for the difficult person.
2. Act Normally
When working with a 'difficult person', those who handle it will treat them very normally. They
don't avoid them, nor do they behave differently than they would with anyone else.
3. Seek to Understand
The best exponents of this skill appreciate the 'difficult person's' point of view. They recognise
that issues are real to them and honour that.
4. Behaviour is not Personal
They make sure that they treat the issue as unacceptable behaviour, not a 'bad' person. The
'difficult person' does not have a personal issue usually with those who deal with them, they are
difficult with everyone!
5. Understand Fear
'Difficult people' behave the way they do usually out of some sort of fear. Through building a
better relationship with them the best at Dealing with Difficult People are able to get closer to
the source and hence move towards resolution.
6. Small Things
Sometimes they are able to find simple and easy clues to what is irritating the 'difficult person'.
And then they fairly and reasonably fix the problems - they are even able sometimes to create a
champion out of a 'difficult person'!.
7. Build Trust
Those best at Dealing with Difficult People develop a sense of trust with their 'difficult person'.
Often the behaviour of others will have tainted their experiences and cause serious mistrust. This
can be changed.
8. Find a Solution
When you are very capable of Dealing with Difficult People it is sometimes the simple acts
which have the most effect. Just asking them what it is they want can often be an easy solution.
It's just that no-one ever asked before!
9. Help Them
And often all these difficult people want is to be loved, to feel wanted, to be a part of the team
again. It's a natural emotion which works in the favour of those exponents who do a great job
here. They know that emotional buy-in is a great way forward.
10.Recognise Qualities
Every employee is a valuable asset, whatever they are like. Sometimes the most irritating and
vociferous are the best to have on the team - they are energised. And the very, very best in
Dealing with Difficult People are able to turn their people around and enlist them as a strong
advocate of their organisation. Instead of fighting inside they take on the competition!
WAYS TO BE BETTER AT DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE-

1.Build Relationships
Just talk to people. Listen to people. Spend time with them and show that you truly care.

2. Focus on Outcomes
Bottom line - you have a business to run - you have goals and visions for your business.
Whilst you are working towards these you are able to take really objective positions.
Working in tandem with a 'difficult person' is challenging, but focus on where you are going,
not the personal issues you face.

3. See Value
Recognising the potential of 'difficult people' is half the battle. They are a value and flicking
the switch that truly turns them on is a worthwhile challenge.

4. Meet regularly
For an ongoing issue, make sure that you show and keep your commitments to them. This
builds trust and that, in turn, makes resolution a whole lot easier.

5. Be Honest and Open

It is no good trying to resolve issues when Dealing with Difficult People, if you are going to
either renege on your agreements or fall down on your business targets. Now is the time to be
frank and honest and get a stake in the ground. These people have been lied to enough. Be
really clear on your expectations and stick to them. Change their view on authority forever!
 6. Deliver
If you can go some way to help them resolve the cause of their anger, and it fits with
everything you and your business stands for, then do it - and do it fast. Whatever you
promise, deliver on. Liaise with them in good time. Over deliver on pace and issues, where
you can. You will be amazed at what a difference this makes.

7. Respect Them
These people are real human beings. They hurt just like you do. They are, it's true, showing
some tricky behaviours - so help them with them. Make a difference to that person - you
could be changing their life in a way you would never have thought possible. Have some fun
even. Share a laugh maybe?

8. Find a Win-Win
Solutions when Dealing with Difficult People are not cop-outs on either side. A compromise
means that someone is losing here. Find a common position and seek to meet half way
without losing site of what is the most important to each of you. there is usually a win-win
out there. If not, it's time to find a solution that removes them from your business.

9. Stick to the Point

Be clear where you are going with your challenges. It is vital to have everything in place with
the most difficult of 'difficult people'. It is also of great value to have a majority on your side,
albeit subtly to avoid an apparent 'ganging up'. Play this game from a position of strength

10. Focus on Behaviours

There are often ways of highlighting a 'difficult persons' qualities. Usually when Dealing
with Difficult People you'll find they do have them! In many ways these people stick around
because they like bits of the role, but not others, so you can play on their capabilities and
leverage them. Treat them as a valuable person and work on the behaviours.

Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

The point is, we are humans after all, and we have emotions and egos. However, by keeping our
egos in-check and inserting emotional intelligence, we’ll not only be doing a favor for our health
and mental space, but we’ll also have intercepted a situation that would have gone bad,
unnecessarily.

Here are some tips for dealing with a difficult person or negative message:

1. Forgive - What would the Dali Lama do if he was in the situation? He would most likely
forgive. Remember that at our very core, we are good, but our judgment becomes clouded and
we may say hurtful things. Ask yourself, “What is it about this situation or person that I can
seek to understand and forgive?“

2. Wait it Out - Sometimes I feel compelled to instantly send an email defending myself. I’ve
learned that emotionally charged emails never get us the result we want; they only add oil to the
fire. What is helpful is inserting time to allow ourselves to cool off. You can write the
emotionally charged email to the person, just don’t send it off. Wait until you’ve cooled off
before responding, if you choose to respond at all.

3. “Does it really matter if I am right?” - Sometimes we respond with the intention of

defending the side we took a position on. If you find yourself arguing for the sake of being right,
ask “Does it matter if I am right?” If yes, then ask “Why do I need to be right? What will I
gain?“

4. Don’t Respond - Many times when a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude,
they are trying to trigger a response from you. When we react, we are actually giving them what
they want. Let’s stop the cycle of negative snowballing and sell them short on what they’re
looking for; don’t bother responding.

5. Stop Talking About It - When you have a problem or a conflict in your life, don’t you find
that people just love talking about it? We end up repeating the story to anyone who’ll listen. We
express how much we hate the situation or person. What we fail to recognize in these moments is
that the more we talk about something, the more of that thing we’ll notice. Example, the more we
talk about how much we dislike a person, the more hate we will feel towards them and the more
we’ll notice things about them that we dislike. Stop giving it energy, stop thinking about it, and
stop talking about it. Do your best to not repeat the story to others.

6. Be In Their Shoes - As cliché as this may sound, we tend to forget that we become blind-
sided in the situation. Try putting yourself in their position and consider how you may have hurt
their feelings. This understanding will give you a new perspective on becoming rational again,
and may help you develop compassion for the other person.

7. Look for the Lessons - No situation is ever lost if we can take away from it some lessons that
will help us grow and become a better person. Regardless of how negative a scenario may
appear, there is always a hidden gift in the form of a lesson. Find the lesson(s).

8. Choose to Eliminate Negative People In Your Life - Negative people can be a source of
energy drain. And deeply unhappy people will want to bring you down emotionally, so that they
are not down there alone. Be aware of this. Unless you have a lot of time on your hands and do
not mind the energy drain, I recommend that you cut them off from your life. Cut them out by
avoiding interactions with them as much as possible. Remember that you have the choice to
commit to being surrounded by people who have the qualities you admire: optimistic, positive,
peaceful and encouraging people. As Kathy Sierra said, “Be around the change you want to see
in the world.”

9. Become the Observer - When we practice becoming the observer of our feelings, our
thoughts and the situation, we separate ourselves away from the emotions. Instead of identifying
with the emotions and letting them consume us, we observe them with clarity and detachment.
When you find yourself identifying with emotions and thoughts, bring your focus on your
breathe.
10. Go for a Run … or a swim, or some other workout. Physical exercise can help to release the
negative and excess energy in us. Use exercise as a tool to clear your mind and release built up
negative energy.

11. Worst Case Scenario - Ask yourself two questions, “If I do not respond, what is the worst
thing that can result from it?“, “If I do respond, what is the worst thing that can result from it?”
Answering these questions often adds perspectives to the situation, and you’ll realize that
nothing good will come out of reacting. Your energy will be wasted, and your inner space
disturbed.

12. Avoid Heated Discussions - When we’re emotionally charged, we are so much in our heads
that we argue out of an impulse to be right, to defend ourselves, for the sake of our egos.
Rationality and resolution can rarely arise out of these discussions. If a discussion is necessary,
wait until everyone has cooled off before diving into one.

13. Most Important - List out things in your life most important to you. Then ask yourself,
“Will a reaction to this person contribute to the things that matter most to me?“

14. Pour Honey - This doesn’t always work, but sometimes catches people off guard when
they’re trying to “Pour Poison” on you. Compliment the other person for something they did
well, tell them you’ve learned something new through interacting with them, and maybe offer to
become friends. Remember to be genuine. You might have to dig deep to find something that
you appreciate about this person.

15. Express It - Take out some scrap paper and dump all the random and negative thoughts out
of you by writing freely without editing. Continue to do so until you have nothing else to say.
Now, roll the paper up into a ball, close your eyes and visualize that all the negative energy is
now inside that paper ball. Toss the paper ball in the trash. Let it go!
The Best Solution Is to Confront and Handle People
"The ability to stand up to and confront and handle whatever comes the way of the
organization depends utterly on the ability of the individuals of the organization to stand up
to, confront and handle what comes the individual's way." — L. Ron Hubbard

When you face and resolve the problem yourself, you feel wonderful. You are in control of your
life. You not only conquer the opposition, you conquer your fear. Few accomplishments are
more satisfying than confronting someone who is difficult to face and handling the conflict.

How to Confront and Handle Someone

By getting organized and working out a plan of action, confronting and handling people becomes
much easier. The key is your preparation.

"THE SUCCESS OF ANY EVENT IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE TIMELY

PREPARATION." — L. Ron Hubbard

Follow these seven steps to prepare yourself for dealing with the difficult people in your life.

1. Make the decision to face up to the person directly and by yourself.

2. Write down the exact problem you need to handle and your goal for the confrontation.

Examples of problems to be confronted that you might write down:

"Joe is refusing to pay me despite our agreement."

"Chris is hurting office morale and causing me stress with her continual complaining."

"Bob is supposedly telling people that my work is inferior and I am dishonest."

Once you specifically name or identify the problem, write down a goal for the meeting. "By the
end of the meeting, I want . . . ."

Examples of goals or objectives you might want as a result of a confrontation:

"Joe pays me in full."

"Chris stops complaining or leaves."

"Learn the truth about Bob’s comments and if true, get him to stop it."

In some cases, your objective may also state:

"Figure out if I want this person as a partner/employee/boss/friend."

3. Write down a Plan or List of Points You Need to Make to Support Your Goal: Facts,
Reasons and explanations you may need the other person to understand. List the points in order
of priority or importance.

For example, to get Joe to understand why he must pay you, you might make these points:

A. Joe requested the service.

B. Joe signed an agreement to pay for the service.

C. We provided the service as promised.

D. Joe was happy with the service.

E. Etc.

4. Write down objections, reactions or disagreements the other person may have. Include
everything you are afraid might happen during the meeting. Putting specific concerns and fears
in writing reduces their impact on you.

For each objection, reaction or disagreement you expect will happen, write a solution of how you
will deal with each.

5. Organize your notes and gather supportive documents.

6. Arrange the meeting where you will not be disturbed, preferably in a space you control.

7. Start the meeting.

A. Look the person directly in the eye.

B. Explain the specific problem you want to resolve as you noted in Step 2.

C. Go over your first point on the list from Step 3.

D. Listen carefully to the other person and make certain they feel understood.

E. Hold a position on your points.

F. Use your solutions to their reactions as you worked out in Step 4.

G. Continue describing your points and listening to the person's side.

H. Do not give up. Communicate and persist for as long as it takes to reach your goal.

The more frequently you confront and handle difficult people, the easier it becomes. The amount
of time it takes to prepare for a confrontation decreases. You become strong and tough.

When you confront and handle everyone around you, people respect you for your courage, your
honesty and your control. Your associates, employees or coworkers follow your example and
become more productive. Your enemies either become harmless or become friends.

Taking positive organized action, despite fear, is the kind of courage all successful people must
have to succeed.
The Five (Difficult) People You Meet at Work ... and
How to Get Along With Them
The workplace, like anyplace you bring a bunch of people together, is a jumble of many different
personalities. In addition to coworkers who are easy to work with, you will also find difficult
people at work. What sets the workplace apart from many other places is that everyone -- even
the difficult people -- must cooperate in order to be productive. Here are five types of difficult
people you may meet at work and advice for getting along with each one.

The Chatterbox
Let's start with your most affable coworker. The chatterbox usually means well. She is friendly
and wants to share all her thoughts (every last one of them) with you. She isn't trying cause harm
to anyone ... her incessant talking is just keeping you from concentrating on your work. Here are
some things you can do to quiet down your chattering co-worker so you can get your job done.
Rather than risk insulting your colleague, put the blame on yourself. Tell your coworker you
have trouble concentrating while you are listening to her very engaging stories. You'd love to
hear them at some other time, just not while you're working. Then, if you truly enjoy her
company, have lunch with her once a week.

The Gossip
The gossip seems to know everything about everyone and he wants to share it. Should you listen
to what your gossiping colleague has to say? Yes, you should listen to it since it is often a good
way to hear news that may not make it through more formal information channels. The problem
with gossip is that it carries both elements of truth and untruth, so view it with a cynical eye.
Listen to your gossipy coworker quietly. Don't become a gossip too. However, if the gossip
being shared is of a very personal nature, for example he shares with you news of another
coworker's marital problems, change the subject or say that you don't feel right discussing
someone behind his back.

The Complainer
There's always one person in a group who can never find anything about which to be happy. If
she's not complaining about her health or her family, she's complaining about her job, the
company, or your boss. Of course, some of her complaints may be legitimate, but the incessant
whining is getting on your nerves. Generally, the complainer isn't looking for advice so offering
it probably won't do any good. Change the subject whenever the bellyaching begins. Your
colleague should get the hint after you do this repeatedly.

The Delegator
In almost every workplace you'll find someone who wants to share his work with his colleagues.
We're not talking about those who have a legitimate reason to delegate work to others, for
example managers or team leaders. We are speaking of those who either can't do all the work
they have been given or don't want to do it. If team work is encouraged in your office and you
have time to help your colleague you should. However, if managers are the only ones who have
the authority to delegate and you already have your hands full, then you have to turn down the
request. Tell your coworker you have your own work with which to deal.

The Credit Grabber

The credit grabber does not acknowledge any help she receives from others. She accepts all the
praise for a project without mentioning that she didn't do it alone. The first time this
happens, consider it a mistake. Mention it to your colleague and ask her to let others know
about your participation. If she doesn't, or if this happens again, make sure you let others
know about the role you played in getting a project done. Then, unless you are mandated to
work with this person, refuse to help out again.

Options for Dealing With Difficult People at Work

Difficult people do exist at work. Difficult people come in every variety and no workplace is
without them. How difficult a person is for you to deal with depends on your self-esteem, your
self-confidence and your professional courage. Dealing with difficult people is easier when the
person is just generally obnoxious or when the behavior affects more than one person. Dealing
with difficult people is much tougher when they are attacking you or undermining your
professional contribution.

Difficult people come in every conceivable variety. Some talk constantly and never listen.
Others must always have the last word. Some coworkers fail to keep commitments. Others
criticize anything that they did not create. Difficult coworkers compete with you for power,
privilege and the spotlight; some go way too far in courting the boss’s positive opinion – to your
diminishment.

Some coworkers attempt to undermine you and you constantly feel as if you need to watch your
back. Your boss plays favorites and the favored party lords it over you; people form cliques and
leave you out. Difficult people and situations exist in every work place. They all have one thing
in common. You must address them. No matter the type of difficult situation in which you find
yourself, dealing with difficult people or situations is a must.

Why One Must Deal With Difficult People

Trust me. Your situation won’t get better; left unaddressed, it usually gets worse.
Unaddressed, necessary conflict simmers just below – and often erupts counterproductively
above – the surface at work.

Initially, people go into shock when they are treated unprofessionally, so if you take some time
to understand exactly what is happening to you, you are not alone. Once you are fully aware of
what is happening, deciding to live with the situation long term is not an option. You become so
angry and feel so much pain that your efforts to address the situation become irrational. It’s far
better to address the difficult person while you can maintain some objectivity and emotional
control.

Constant complaining about the coworker or situation can quickly earn you the title of whiner or
complainer. Managers wonder why you are unable to solve your own problems – even if the
manager’s tolerance or encouragement of the situation is part of the problem.

Worse Case Scenario If One Fail to Deal With Difficult People

Most importantly, if you are embroiled in a constant conflict at work, you may not only get
blamed for being “unable to handle the situation like a mature professional,” you may be labeled
as a “difficult” person, too. This label is hard to escape and can have devastating consequences
for your career.

Finally, if the situation continues to deteriorate over time, the organization and your boss may
tire of you. The boss may decide you are a “high maintenance” employee, easily replaced with a
more professional or cooperative person, and you could lose your job.

Dealing With the Difficult Coworker

I’ve experienced workplaces in which all sorts of dysfunctional approaches to dealing with a
difficult coworker have been tried. Putting an anonymous note in the person’s mailbox is not an
option. Placing a can of deodorant on a hygiene-challenged coworker’s desk is not a productive
option either. Confronting the bully publicly can often lead to disaster. Putting dead bugs in his
desk drawer can leave your boss no option other than to fire you. So, let’s look at more
productive ways to address your difficult coworker..

These are ten productive ways to deal with your difficult coworker..

• Start out by examining yourself. Are you sure that the other person is really the
problem and that you're not overreacting? Have you always experienced difficulty with
the same type of person or actions? Does a pattern exist for you in your interaction with
coworkers? Do you recognize that you have hot buttons that are easily pushed? (We all
do, you know.) Always start with self-examination to determine that the object of your
attention really is a difficult person’s actions.
• Explore what you are experiencing with a trusted friend or colleague. Brainstorm
ways to address the situation. When you are the object of an attack, or your boss appears
to support the dysfunctional actions of a coworker, it is often difficult to objectively
assess your options. Anger, pain, humiliation, fear and concern about making the
situation worse are legitimate emotions.

Pay attention to the unspoken agreement you create when you solicit another’s assistance.
You are committing to act unless you agree actions will only hurt the situation.
Otherwise, you risk becoming a whiner or complainer in the eyes of your colleague.
• Approach the person with whom you are having the problem for a private
discussion. Talk to them about what you are experiencing in “I” messages. (Using “I”
messages is a communication approach that focuses on your experience of the situation
rather than on attacking or accusing the other person.) You can also explain to your
coworker the impact of their actions on you.
Be pleasant and agreeable as you talk with the other person. They may not be aware of
the impact of their words or actions on you. They may be learning about their impact on
you for the first time. Or, they may have to consider and confront a pattern in their own
interaction with people. Worst case? They may know their impact on you and deny it or
try to explain it away. Unfortunately, some difficult people just don’t care. During the
discussion, attempt to reach agreement about positive and supportive actions going
forward.
• Follow up after the initial discussion. Has the behavior changed? Gotten better? Or
worse? Determine whether a follow-up discussion is needed. Determine whether a
follow-up discussion will have any impact. Decide if you want to continue to confront the
difficult person by yourself. Become a peacemaker. (Decide how badly you want to make
peace with the other person and how much you want your current job. Determine whether
you have experienced a pattern of support from your boss.) If you answer, “yes,” to these
questions, hold another discussion. If not, escalate and move to the next idea.
• You can confront your difficult coworker’s behavior publicly. Deal with the person
with gentle humor or slight sarcasm. Or, make an exaggerated physical gesture – no, not
that one – such as a salute or place your hand over your heart to indicate a serious
wounding.
You can also tell the difficult person that you’d like them to consider important history in
their decision making or similar words expressed positively, depending on the subject.
Direct confrontation does work well for some people in some situations. I don’t think it
 works to ask the person to stop doing what they’re doing, publicly, but you can employ
more positive confrontational tactics. Their success for you will depend on your ability to
pull them off. Each of us is not spur-of-the-moment funny, but if you are, you can use the
humor well with difficult coworkers.
• If you have done what you can do and employed the first five recommended
approaches with little or no success, it’s time to involve others. Note that you are
escalating the situation. Prepare to talk with your boss. Take notes and address the issues,
not as interpersonal problems, but as issues affecting your productivity, the work and
your progress on projects. Tell your boss exactly what the difficult person does.
Make a plan to address the issues. Perhaps involve your coworker's boss. Recognize that
a good boss is likely to bring your difficult coworker and his supervisor into a three or
four-way discussion at this point. Expect to participate in follow-up over time.
• Rally the other employees who might have an issue with the difficult person, too -
carefully. Sometimes, a group approach convinces the boss that the impact of the
behavior is wider and deeper than she had originally determined. Be careful with this
approach, however. Know what works with your boss. You want to solve your problem,
not make it look as if you are rabble-rousing and ganging up on another employee.
• If these approaches fail to work, try to limit the difficult person's access to you.
Protect the needs of your business, but avoid working with the person when possible.
Leave voluntary committees, Choose projects he or she does not impact. Don’t hurt your
own career or your business, but avoidance is an option.
• Transfer to a new job within your organization. Depending on the size of your
company, you may never have to work with this difficult coworker again. Fleeing is
definitely an option.
• If all else fails, you can quit your job. What, flee, you ask? But, I wasn't the employee
with the problem. I was not the difficult coworker. All I tried to do was my job. You're
right. But, what price, in terms of your happiness and success, are you willing to pay to
stay? You need to decide whether the good in your current situation outweighs the bad or
whether the bad outweighs the good.

If the good wins, stop complaining and get back to work. Back track on these
recommended steps and retry some of them when appropriate. If the bad wins, redirect
your energy to leaving your current employment. You'll be glad you did.
When Options for Dealing with Difficult People Don't Work
Sometimes, work can become difficult. Co-workers, bosses, and a negative office environment
can all make your job less than enjoyable. In fact, they can make the office a place where you
simply don't want to be. There are options for dealing with difficult people at work.

Once you have tried every option, you may need to make a decision to leave. What to do next?
Don't run right into your boss's office and quit. Don't cause a ruckus and publicly display your
anger at the situation. Don't do anything other than to start to put a job search plan in place.

You might not have been able to deal with that difficult person to your satisfaction, but, you can
control what happens next. Once you have made the decision to leave, the smartest thing to do is
to leave on your own terms. Here's how you can make that happen.

Be Prepared
Get your job search in order. In fact, start now before you even make a final decision to quit.
Everyone should have a career network in place, as well as a resume and references ready. It's
also wise to take a look at what jobs are available in your niche and geographic location, even if
you're not actively job searching. That way you're prepared when the opportunity or the need
arises.

Create a Career Network

If you don't have a career network, start building one - today. If you do have a network in place,
make sure your contact list is up-to-date. Touch base with your contacts, just to say hello.

References Ready
Plan ahead and get your references in order, before you need them. It will save time scrambling
to put together a reference list at the last minute.

Write a Resume
Once you've made the decision to move on, take the time you spent attempting to deal with that
difficult person working on your resume. Make sure you have a polished and professional
resume that contains your current employment information. You don't want to be scrambling at
the last minute to create a resume.

Consider Career and Job Options

Explore career options and choose a new job or career within or outside your current industry or
career field. Start thinking about what you want to do, what you can do, and what you would
enjoy doing.

Start a Job Hunt

You definitely don't want anyone to know you're looking for a new job. So, take steps to keep
your job search confidential and start job hunting on the sly. Given the circumstances, the last
thing you want to have happen is the wrong person finding out that you are looking to make a
move.

Prepare to Interview
When you start interviewing, the question about why you are leaving your current job will come
up. Do not say anything about the "difficult person" issue you have been dealing with, because
the employer has no way of knowing who was difficult. Anything you say that is negative may
reflect on you and might start the interviewer wondering whether you will be a problem
employee.

Instead, talk about how you want to advance your skills and your career and how your options
are limited at your current job. Or mention that you are looking for a position with more growth
or different responsibilities i.e. more technical, less technical, closer to home, you name it.

You will also want to carefully interview your future employer to make sure the company, the
position, the work environment, and the corporate atmosphere are a good fit. The last thing you
want to have happen is to go from the frying pan into the fire, so, be very certain that this is a
match. Have a list of interview questions ready to ask the interviewer and take the time to make a
careful and thorough decision before accepting an offer.

How to Resign
Despite the fact that you can't stand the person who has made your life difficult, you hate your
boss for not taking your side, and you can't wait to get out the door, don't mention it. You may
need a reference from the company in the future and you need to resign as diplomatically and as
gracefully as possible. Even if it takes every bit of willpower you have to keep your comments to
yourself!

You're Fired!
There's one more thing you need to be prepared for. Trying to address a difficult situation at
work could get you fired. Unfortunately, it doesn't always matter that you're the injured party,
you're the one whose life has been made miserable, or that you attempted to do the right thing by
speaking up. People don't like complainers and the situation could backfire. If it happens, you
will need to have a strategy in place for job searching.
How to Say Goodbye
Once you are ready to move on, there will be a measure of relief in knowing that the situation is
over. The stress will be gone and you can get on with your life. Say farewell to your boss, to
your co-workers, to your customers, and to your vendors.

Get Ready, Get Set, Go!

Once you have made the decision that the situation isn't able to be remedied, get going. There is
no point in wasting any more time. Get going on your job search and move on with your career,
and your life.

How to Cope With Difficult People

Avoid these “don'ts” when dealing with difficult people:

• Don't take difficult people's behavior personally. Their troublesome behavior is habitual
and affects most people with whom they come in contact.

• Don't fight back or try to beat them at their own games. They have been practicing their
skills for a lifetime, and you're an amateur.

• Don't try to appease them. Difficult people have an insatiable appetite for more.

• Don't try to change them. You can only change your responses to their behavior.

Here's how you can cope effectively with four common types of difficult people.

Openly Aggressive People

Stand up to them, but don't fight. Overly aggressive people expect others to either run away from
them or react with rage. Your goal is simply to assertively express your own views, not try to
win a battle of right and wrong.

First, wait for the person to run out of some steam. Then call the person by name and assert your
own opinions with confidence.

Snipers

Difficult people are experts at taking potshots and making sneak attacks in subtle ways, such as
humorous put-downs, sarcastic tones of voice, disapproving looks and innuendoes.
You may feel uncomfortable replying to them because you don't like confrontation. This,
however, allows snipers to get away with their covert hostility.

Respond to a sniper with a question. “That sounds like you're making fun of me. Are you?” A
sniper usually replies to such accusations with denial, “I'm only joking.”

Nevertheless, questioning covert attacks will reduce the chance for similar attacks in the future.

Complainers

These are fearful people who have little faith in themselves and others because they believe in a
hostile world. Their constant discouragement and complaining can bring everyone to despair.

“Don't try to argue these difficult people out of their negativity. Instead, respond with your own
optimistic expectations,” says Bramson.

Silent People

People who ignore you, give you sullen looks, and/or respond to every question with either “I
don't know” or silence are difficult because they're timid. Silent people get away with not talking
because most people are uncomfortable with silence and are too quick to fill in the gaps. Ask
them questions that can't be answered with just a “yes” or “no,” such as, “Why is it
uncomfortable for you to answer my questions?”

Then wait at least one full minute before you say anything. This long silence may make them
uncomfortable enough to say something. If they do start talking, listen carefully.

Don't Give Up

Dealing with difficult people takes practice, so don't get discouraged.

Although these strategies won't change the difficult people, they will break their ability to
interfere with your effectiveness,” says Bramson. “Most important, you'll feel more confident
and you'll start to enjoy your workdays.”
 REFERENCES

• http://producingoss.com/en/difficult-people.html
• http://humanresources.about.com/od/workrelationships/a/difficultpeople.htm
• http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/dealing-with-difficult-people/
• http://www.coaching-businesses-to-success.com/dealing_with_difficult_people.html
• http://www.confidencecenter.com/art12.htm
• http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/difficult.htm
• http://careerplanning.about.com/od/bosscoworkers/a/difficultpeople.htm