Episode/ Title Introduction Quote Proverb

A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and
Look to the north. Keep looking. Theres nothing coming from
Episode 1: Pilot mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to
the south.
Night Vale.

The desert seems vast, even endless. And yet, scientists tell us that Men are from Mars; women are from Venus; Earth is a
Episode 2: Glow Cloud
somewhere, even now, there is snow. Welcome to Night Vale. hallucination; podcasts are dreams.

The Arctic is lit by the midnight sun. The surface of the moon is lit by the face
Episode 3: Station
of the Earth. Our little town is lit too, by lights just above that we cannot Theres a special place in Hell. Its really hip. Very exclusive.
Management
explain. Welcome to Night Vale.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three
The sun has grown so very, very old. How long, cold, fading death? How
Episode 4: PTA Meeting legs in the evening? I dont know, but I trapped it in my
long? Welcome to Night Vale.
bedroom. Send help.

Episode 5: The Shape in Close your eyes. Let my words wash over you. You are safe now. Welcome
A million dollars isnt cool. You know whats cool? A basilisk.
Grove Park to Night Vale.

Lost? Confused? Lacking direction? Need to find a purpose in

Episode 6: The Drawbridge Rabbits are not what they seem to be. Welcome to Night Vale.
your life?

Episode 7: History Week It is almost complete. It is almost complete at last. Welcome to Night Vale. It must be 3:23 PM somewhere. Maybe space?

Episode 8: The Lights in Silence is golden. Words are vibrations. Thoughts are magic. Welcome to We are living in an immaterial world, a ghost world, and I am an
Radon Canyon Night Vale. immaterial girl - a ghost.

Weird at last! Weird at last! God Almighty, weird at last! Welcome to Night "Nice bolo tie" is the greatest compliment a person can ever
Episode 9: Pyramid
Vale. receive.

Regret nothing. Until it is too late. Then, regret everything. Welcome to Night Eating meat is a difficult moral decision, because it's stolen, that
Episode 10: Feral Dogs
Vale. meat. You should apologize.

Episode 11: Wheat and

Today's air quality is mauve and speckled. Welcome to Night Vale. Today is the last day of your life up to this point.
Wheat By-products

The policeman in that intersection is not directing traffic. He's coding an Does the carpet match the drapes? No. It doesn't. You're the
Episode 12: The Candidate
urgent message to all of us. Welcome to Night Vale. worst interior decorator. Please leave my home.

I'd never join a "Pen 15 club" that would allow a person like me
This is a story about you," said the man on the radio, and you were pleased, to become a member.
Episode 13: A Story about
because you always wanted to hear about yourself on the radio. Welcome to
You
Night Vale.

Episode 14: The Man in the Look to the obelisk. We don't know where it came from, but it's attracting a lot Biologically speaking, we are all people, made up of smaller
Tan Jacket of cats. Welcome to Night Vale. people.
Episode 15: Street Cleaning Bananas are hardly that slippery. But watch your step anyway. Welcome to One incorporeal being said to the other, "I'm not here, too,
Day Night Vale. make friends."

Your existence is not impossible. But it's also not very likely. Welcome to If I said you had a beautiful body, would it even matter because
Episode 16: The Phone Call
Night Vale. we are so insignificant in this vast, incomprehensible universe?

Episode 17: Valentine Trust everyone. Welcome to Night Vale. Werner Herzog is the most interesting person.

Find more ways to work "plinth" into daily conversation.

The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half
empty. It is only the truth-seeker who wonders, 'Why is the glass there? Why
Episode 18: The Traveler
is there water all over the floor? Why is it covering every other surface of the
house? Who -- or what -- is doing this to us?' Welcome to Night Vale.

Step 1: Write down the names of everyone you know. Step 2:

Blinking red light in the night sky. The future is changing, but it's hard to tell.
Episode 19A: The Sandstorm Rearrange the letters. Step 3: This will reveal a great secret of
Welcome to Night Vale.
time.

Step 1: Separate your lips. Step 2: Use facial muscles to pull

The future is what you make of it. Just know that your supplies are limited.
Episode 19B: The Sandstorm back corners of mouth. Step 3: Widen your eyes. This is how to
Welcome to Desert Bluffs.
be happy. :)

Pain is just weakness leaving the body. And then being

Episode 20: Poetry Week "You'll be safe here," says a whisper behind you. Welcome to Night Vale.
replaced by pain. Lots of pain.

Episode 21: A Memory of Hang a map of a place you'll never go on your living room wall. Draw new
streets. Tear off bodies of water. Wait for news crews to arrive. Welcome to Ask your doctor if right is left for you.
Europe
Night Vale.

Episode 22: The Whispering There is a thin semantic line separating weird and beautiful. And that line is If you love someone, set them free. Set them free now. This is
Forest covered in jellyfish. Welcome to Night Vale. the police, and we have you surrounded.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. Show

We report only the real, the semi-real, and the verifiably unreal. Welcome to
Episode 23: Eternal Scouts them pictures of cows when they're young, and administer brief
Night Vale.
electrical shocks.

The sun has risen. You are awake. This symmetry is not without meaning. The most dangerous game is man. The most entertaining game
Episode 24: The Mayor
Welcome to Night Vale. is Broadway puppy-ball. The most weird game is esoteric bear.

A friendly desert community, where the sun is still hot, the moon still beautiful, Fun game: Say "toy boat" over and over. Do it for the rest of
Episode 25: One Year Later and mysterious lights still pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. your life. Retreat from society, and live on alms. Whisper, "toy
Welcome to Night Vale. boat," as you die.

The human soul weighs 21 grams, smells like grilled

Episode 26: Faceless Old Trumpets playing soft jazz from out of the dark desert distance. They come
vegetables, looks like a wrinkled tartan quilt, and sounds like
Woman tomorrow. It is too late for us. Welcome to Night Vale.
bridge traffic.

"Production oversight by Torey Malatia, who is holding a small

Mountains. Endless mountains. Peak after barren peak. And what lies,
restless, in the shadowed valleys? I cannot say. I cannot say. Welcome to locket. He is not speaking, he'd just like for you to touch the
Episode 27: First Date
locket. His hand is twisted, his skin is forming into scales. Just
Night Vale.
touch it once. Just once, okay?"

Episode 28: Summer
Reading Program
"A bar walks into a bar. The bartender is a snake eating its own
Does it even matter how many living things you touched today? Or where
tail. The windows look out only onto the face of the one who
they all are now? Welcome to Night Vale.
looks."

Your body is a temple. A temple of blood rituals and pagan

Our black suns move erratically like drunken bees, and each of them stings.
Episode 29: Subway tributes, a lost temple, a temple that needs more calcium. You
Now more than ever we are full of blood and honey. Welcome to Night Vale.
should maybe try vitamin supplements.

It takes heart. It takes guts. It also takes cash. It just needs your payment Look to the sky. You will not find answers there, but you will
Episode 30: Dana
immediately. Welcome to Night Vale. certainly see what everyone is screaming about.

Episode 31: A Blinking Light
up on the Mountain
Throw your hands in the air. Now your arms. Keep detaching
Our god is an awesome god. Much better than that ridiculous god that Desert
limbs and throwing them in the air. Hopefully, the birds will be
Bluffs has.
sated and leave.

Episode 32: Yellow A lonely heart, a wandering eye, an empty stomach, a shoulder to cry on - Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never
Helicopters this is what makes us, us. Welcome to Night Vale. quite describe the pain.

Perhaps you noticed something strange yesterday. And perhaps you have You can lead a horse to water, and you can lead a horse into
Episode 33: Cassette
forgotten it. Welcome to Night Vale. water, and you can swim around with the horse and have fun.

Thank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We're not
Episode 34: A Beautiful Life is like a box of chocolates; Unopened. Dusty. And beginning to attract a accepting applications at this time. Please try again. And again.
Dream lot of insects. Welcome to Night Vale. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And
again. And again...

No one has seen the trees this week. Hopefully they'll come back soon. On this day in history: mundanity, and terror, and food, and
Episode 35: Lazy Day
Welcome to Night Vale. love, and trees.

Look. Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. No. It's just the void.
Infinite and indifferent. We're so small. So very very small.
Red sky at night. Sailors delight. Red sky at night. The sailors are howling
Episode 36: Missing and laughing. The sailors begin to surround us and the night sky is so very
red. Welcome to Night Vale.
 Listen. I'm not a hero. The real heroes are the people that point
Velvet darkness. Silken light. The rough burlap of evening. The frayed cotton
Episode 37: The Auction out to us when protesters have smartphones, thus invalidating
of daybreak. Welcome to Night Vale.
all concerns.

You take the good. You take the bad. You take them both, and there you have A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single command
Episode 38: Orange Grove
spiders crawling out of a red velvet cupcake. Welcome to Night Vale. from a satellite-activated mind control chip.

Flying is actually the safest mode of transportation. The second safest is

Episode 39: The Woman Your Bitcoin address is your middle name, followed by the
dreaming. The third safest is decomposing into rich earth and drifting away
from Italy name of your first pet and the first street you lived on.
with the wind and rain. Welcome to Night Vale.

You cant get blood from a turnip. Listen, you need some blood?
I can totally get you some blood. Set that turnip down and
The riddle says: He walks on four legs in the morning. He walks on two legs follow me to the blood. Theres a lot of blood.
Episode 40: The Deft
at midday. And at night, he slithers from dream to dream effortlessly, like the
Bowman
air we breathe. And we love him. Welcome to Night Vale.

Please move your brain so we can get to the drugs. And stop
Episode 41: WALK At a loss for words? Here's a few you can use: Welcome to Night Vale.
leaving it there. We've talked about this.

I sing the body electric. I gasp the body organic. I miss the body Ignore all the haters telling you that everything isn't a sandwich.
Episode 42: Numbers
remembered. Welcome to Night Vale. Everything is a sandwich.

You won't sleep when you're dead, either.

Listen to your heart. You can hear it deep under the earth. Creaking and
Episode 43: Visitor heaving. With roots snapping and birds flapping quickly away. Welcome to
Night Vale.

At your smallest components, you are indistinguishable from a

forest fire.
All that glitters is not gold. Particularly that thing over there. That's maybe a
Episode 44: Cookies
giant insect of some sort. It's really too dark to tell. Welcome to Night Vale.

Knock knock.
Who's there?

Orange.

Episode 45: A Story about This is a story about them, says the man on the radio, and you are Orange who?
Them concerned, because this is not a story you were ever supposed to hear.

Orange you glad I didn't say your mother's in the hospital. I'm
sorry. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Listen. I'll drive
you over there. We'll leave right now. Grab a coat; it's a little
cold out. I'm so sorry.

If you love something, set it free. If it starts flying around and

chirping, it was probably a bird.
Just act natural. Just act like all of nature. Just act like the entire cycle of life
Episode 46: Parade Day
and death and change and rebirth. Welcome to Night Vale.

There's a difference between you're, your, and yarn. Yarn isn't

even pronounced the same way. It's a completely different
Snow is falling somewhere. Many things are falling, or will fall, or have fallen, word.
Episode 47: Company Picnic but temporary triumph is still triumph. Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs
Metropolitan Area.

Episode 48: Renovations True beauty is on the inside, where everything is red and glistening and full of Feeling lost? Like you have no goal in life? Like you're covered
practical organs and sharp rocks. Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs in dirt and wet leaves? Like you're an earthworm? Are you an
Metropolitan Area. earthworm? Kinda sounds like you're an earthworm, actually.

The sun is bright, the moon is irrelevant and we are light and light and light Wonderwall is the only '90s song visible from space.
and light. We're light.
Episode 49: Old Oak Doors
Think back, look forward, listen timelessly. Welcome to Night Vale.

Episode 50: Capital Home is where the heart is. We found it one day in the sink. It hums things Soccer is also commonly known as football, Canadian baseball,
Campaign late at night, but they are not songs. Welcome to Night Vale. American football, violent jogging and World War II.

Everything that happens, happens for a reason. Except

ostriches. What the hell, man?
Look. Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's a cloud! It's a moon?! Also,
Episode 51: Rumbling
some stars. There are so many things in the sky. Welcome to Night Vale.

Episode 52: The Retirement Now is your chance. Well, that was it. It's over. Did you do it? Have you Most people think pit bulls are dangerous dogs, but, biologically
of Pamela Winchell achieved what you wanted? No? Oh well. Welcome to Night Vale. speaking, most pit bulls are just three shih tzus wearing a
 trenchcoat.

Episode 53: The September
Monologues
The wind out of the desert is changing. I feel it; you feel it. A shiver in the
midday heat. A crackle in the television broadcast. A shift in your immune
system. It is September, and something is different. It is September, and the
(static)
days have gone sinister from first eyes open to last slow breathing. It is
September, and so, listeners dear listeners Night Vale Public Radio is
proud to introduce The September Monologues.

Episode 54: A Carnival The secret to a long life lies in how acutely you perceive time. Welcome to Say what you will about dance, but language is a limited form of
Comes to Town Night Vale. expression.

Episode 55: The University of Language will evolve irregardless of your attempt to literally
Let me be brief. Let us all be brief. Let us briefly be. Welcome to Night Vale.
What It Is lock it away in a secluded tower, obvs.

It is autumn, and nature is vanishing. It is autumn, and nature is beautiful. Ive got more rhymes than the Bibles got Psalms. 151. Ive got
Episode 56: Homecoming
Welcome to Night Vale. 151 rhymes.

Episode 57: The List
Breathe deep. Deeper than that. Get far below sea level and breathe.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Also beware of gifts of Greek
Breathe in a cave. Breathe in a deeper cave. Breathe deeper and deeper
bears. Gifted and bare Greeks are totally OK.
until you cant find your way back. Welcome to Night Vale.

If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duckyou should not be so quick to Its not the size of the dog in the fight. Its the size of the other
Episode 58: Monolith
jump to conclusions. Welcome to Night Vale. dog in the fight.

Its not darkest before the dawn. Its actually darkest after all the stars have If you want a picture of the future, imagine a person writing
Episode 59: Antiques
gone out. Its very dark then. Welcome to Night Vale. headlines about millennials forever.

The reason we say bless you after someone sneezes is

Episode 60: Water Failure See some evil, hear some evil, speak some evil. Welcome to Night Vale.
because we know they will die someday.

Episode 61: BRINY DEPTHS
Theres nothing under your bed. Nothing in your closet. Nothing waiting in the
I let my haters be my motivators. Mostly they tell me I suck, and
hall. You are surrounded by nothing. You cannot escape it. Welcome to Night
then I get sad. This was a terrible idea.
Vale

Ask your doctor, just who he thinks he is. Say it just like that.
Dare to dream. Do it. We dare you. Go ahead, dream. Itll be fine. We
Episode 62: Hatchets Say, "Who do you think you are?" See if he starts crying. I know
promise. Welcome to Night Vale
I would.

Episode 63: There is No Part History is written by the victors. And then forgotten by the
There is no Part 1. This is Part 2. Welcome to Night Vale
1: Part 2 victors. And then the victors die too.

Dont bring a gun to a knife fight. Dont bring a knife to a knife

Episode 64: WE MUST GIVE Dont judge a book by its cover. Judge it by the harmful messages it contains.
fight, either. Stop going to knife fights altogether. Whats your
PRAISE Welcome to Night Vale.
deal with knife fights?

You have reached the voicemail of Cecil Gershwin Palmer. That might seem
like an easy thing to do, but think about how long you had to stay alive just to
learn how a phone works and who I am. Congratulate yourself on that. Give
yourself a vigorous pat on the back, anddont forget to leave a message
Episode 65: Voicemail after the heavily distorted sample of a man saying I just couldnt eat another
bite.
I just couldn't eat another bite.

We all lie dreamily upon damp earth, spotting clouds shaped like animals we
Episode 66: worms
have yet to invent. Welcome to Night Vale.

The sun is actually cold! It's cold and empty, and all is lost. Greetings from "I'm all business," I say, peeling off my skin strip by strip,
Episode 67: [Best of?]
Night Vale! showing you what oozes out. Business to my core.

Episode 68: Faceless Old Get the body youve always wanted. We know where its buried, and can lend Get the body youve always wanted. We know where its buried,
Women you a shovel. Welcome to Night Vale. and can lend you a shovel.

But dont you see? You never needed anything else. The weird was within
you the whole time. Welcome to Night Vale
Episode 69: Fashion Week Dress your dog for the job you want, not the job you have.

We all have to start somewhere. We all have to end somewhere, too, but lets
Episode 70: Taking Off A rose by any other name is called something else.
concentrate on the other thing. Welcome to Night Vale.

You say potato, I say potato. Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato.

If you love something, set it free. If it doesnt come back, it probably died of
Episode 71: Review Potato. Yes, this is very good. Lets keep going. Potato. Potato.
sadness because it thought you loved it. Welcome to Night Vale.
Potato.

I trip the light fantastic, and then I offer to help it up. And when the light
Episode 72: The Registry of
fantastic is halfway up, I let go, and it falls again. Me and the light fantastic do
Middle School Crushes
not get along at all. Welcome to Night Vale.
I had a dream in which cow-sized pugs existed. I was on a
train, and one loped along outside my window. Im sorry your
dreams arent as good.

Kill it with kindness. And if that fails, kill it with sharp sticks or knives. When someone says Im a dog person, I always reply, Yeah?
Episode 73: Well of Night
Welcome to Night Vale. Well, Im a lizard person. And then I peel off my face.

Candles lit, runes drawn upon the floor, sacrifice prepared.

Whats past is prologue; whats future is epilogue. This, right here, is maybe
Episode 74: Tryptich Everything is ready for the summoning. I begin the incantation:
Chapter Four or Five. Welcome to Night Vale.
"Shakira, Shakira!"

Remember that you are a beautiful person. Youre a weird-looking tree, but The word "motel" is an amalgam of the words "hotel" and
Episode 75: Civic Changes
youre a beautiful person. Welcome to Night Vale. "murder".
 Episode 76: Through the Todays proverb: The word "motel" is an amalgam of the words "hotel" and Drake would like to add you to his professional network on
Narrow Place "murder". Welcome to Night Vale. LinkedIn.

In just a few days, the whole story will be known. This is what happens after.
Episode 77: An Epilogue "Late capitalism is such a sweetly optimistic phrase.
Welcome to Night Vale.

Episode 78: A Stranger
When a window closes, so does a door. So do all the other doors and
Im a single issue voter. If the candidate is not a baby polar
windows. The house is alive, and it doesnt know you, and it is scared.
bear, I straight up cannot support them.
Welcome to Night Vale

Cook a feast no family could fully eat, recite prayers no family could fully If a car flashes its brights at you, its probably a gang. And if you
Episode 78: Cooking Stuff:
believe, and acknowledge a frightful history no family could fully comprehend. flash your brights back, the gang gives you cake. Its a cake
Thanksgiving special
Welcome to Night Vale. gang.

We brought something back with us, something we cannot escape: memories Ever wondered how a plane flies? Well, the answer is that no
Episode 79: Lost in the Mail of a great vacation to deepest space! And the merciless Distant Prince. one knows. Pilots are scared to ask. If we ask, maybe it'll stop
Welcome to Night Vale. working.

Episode 80: A New Sheriff in I fought the law, and the law won. I ignored the law, and the law won. I abided There are hot singles in your area, and they all died exactly 20
Town by the law, and the law won. Welcome to Night Vale. years ago, on a night just like tonight.

You know what would be great? If someone made a movie

To err is human, but to err is also computer. We'll have to find another test to
Episode 81: After 3327 showing Spiderman's origin story. I'd love to finally see that on
reveal which of us are secretly bots. Welcome to Night Vale.
the big screen.

If you're happy, and you know it, then the chemtrails are finally working. Be careful what you wish for, because it probably won't come
Episode 82: Skating Rink
Welcome to Night Vale true, and life is mostly about expectation management.

Episode 83: One Normal Breathe in. Breath out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.
Actually, it's Property's Brother.
Town Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Welcome to Night Vale

Dress for success. Put on your tall hat, and rubber gloves, and long grey
Episode 84: Past Time Dance like the government is watching.
coat. Success requires this specific outfit. Welcome to Night Vale.

Once again, the turning of the seasons, nearly imperceptible here, a shading
of the desert heat, but we feel the change, in the thrumms of our bodies, in
the texture of the sand. There is rain, once in awhile. If not here, than
Episode 85: The April Put your (static) in, take your (static) out, Put your (static) in,
somewhere else, surely. Wild spring has stepped in for her stolid winter sister.
Monologues and (static) All about.
It is April, and something is different. It is April, and the days have depth, and
vibrance. It is April and so, dear listeners, Night Vale Community Radio is
pleased to present The April Monologues.

Episode 86: Standing and I believe the children are our future. They are also our past, and our present. Call me old fashioned, but I believe there should be only one
Breathing This is how children work in linear time. Welcome to Night Vale. continent.

Episode 87-The Trial of Numbers don't lie, but humans using numbers lie all the time. Welcome to "Them's the brakes, kid," said the most annoying driving
Hiram McDaniels Night Vale. instructor ever.

Wanna feel old? People born in 2014 have already graduated

Episode 88: Things Fall Apart City-wide utility failures continue to haunt us, but not as much as the college, don't know what a trombone is, and are all named after
strangers who do not appear to move. Welcome to the Night Vale Public gourds.
Utilities Phoneline.

Remember to compliment sandwich when critiquing. For

Episode 89: Who's a Good Who's a good boy? Who's the good boy? Who is it? Who is it? Welcome to
example: That's an okay shirt you have on. Everything you
Boy? Part 1 Night Vale.
wrote was bad. You're wearing a shirt.

Episode 90: Who's a Good You wanna go outside? Outside? You wanna go outside? You do? You do? I You can tell a lot about someone by coming into our office and
Boy? Part 2 bet you want to go outside. I bet you do. Welcome to Night Vale. confessing everything you know about them.

Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Open it up, and see all
Do not bite the hand that feeds you. Grab it first. Take the keys. Set yourself
Episode 91: The 12:37 the people screaming about the giant that just tore their roof
free. Then bite the hand, and run. Welcome to Night Vale.
open.

Writing rules: One, write a lot. Two, read a lot. Three, if

Which came first? The chicken, the egg, or airplanes? Welcome to Night
Episode 92: If He Had Lived someone tells you not to use adverbs or some other Elmore
Vale.
Leonard thing, swiftly kick them.

Drive it like you stole it, but you stole it because you really loved
Find it in your heart. You'll need to break past the ribs and then scoop it out,
Episode 93: Big Sister it and you would not like to see it damaged. Basically, drive
but it's in there, and you need to find it. Quickly. Welcome to Night Vale.
carefully.

Episode 94: All Right Its all right. All right. Allll right. Allllllll right. This is Doritos world. We just live in it.
 Welcome to Night Vale.

Wanna feel old? People born in 2014 have already graduated

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possesion of a
Episode 95: Zookeeper college, don't know what a trombone is, and are all named after
cursed talisman must be in want of a hex reversal. Welcome to Night Vale.
gourds.

The children were right. The floor is lava. But they were wrong
Episode 96: Negotiations You are statstically likely. Welcome to Night Vale.
about the heat resistance of sofa cushions.

Why do birds appear every time you are near? It's likely they planted a If there's not a race to get to the dance competition on time,
Episode 97: Josefina
tracking device on you. Welcome to Night Vale. then you're screenplay isn't finished.

So there's this commercial, and it's like this-the baby and she's
not getting along with the dog she's like a little afraid of the dog
and the dog is like a big, beautiful golden retriever and, um, so
like the golden retriever really feels sad because he can't be
with his family because the baby doesn't like it but so the dad
sees that, um, the baby likes the - the, the, um... the stuffed
Those who remember history are also doomed to repeat it. Welcome to Night animal that she has which is a lion so the dad goes and orders
Episode 98: Flight
Vale. a lion mane for the dog and then he puts it... he puts it on the
dog and then the dog, um, the dog walks in as the lion and the
baby loves it and the dog is happy 'cuz it can be part of the
family again as a... as a lion.

Thank you.

Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun. It does not A four-star hotel will put mints on your pillow, whereas a five-
Episode 99: Michigan
stop. Welcome to Night Vale. star hotel will put candy bars in your butt.

I know many of you have a few things you'd like to say. So let me start things It's always darkest before the dawn, we are often reassured by
Episode 100: Toast
off: Welcome to Night Vale people who are totally wrong about how the sun works.