Green Group

Stateside
By George Ashford, Vincent Baker, Shifra Dayak, and Bernadette Hargrove

Not a lot had changed in Neillsville since he had left a year ago. Sure, there were

a few more cars on the street, a few more payphones, and the ladies peering into shop windows

were wearing a new kind of hat, but the two-story homes, the town library, the barber shop, and

everything else looked like they always had. To Jack Crankovich, however, it was an alien

planet. The train ride had been miserable. Every few minutes he would doze off, and when we

woke his heart would start racing, and he would jerk his head up to look for the oncoming

railway guns. He never saw any, and he had to remind himself that he was home, the war was

over, and there were no railway guns in Wisconsin. When he got out of the second class car and

looked at the view from the depot platform on the town where he had spent almost all of his life,

all he could think about was how easy it would be to take it. All it would take would be one

heavy tank maybe a Mark V and less than 100 infantry to encircle the town at night. One

quick operation, and boom Stop. He was back home. He couldnt think like this anymore. He

had to be normal.

For a second, Jack didnt realize there was nobody there to meet him. But after

wandering around and looking aimlessly into the train tracks for several minutes, he discerned

that Marian and the kids were busy. Or maybe theyd forgotten. No, that couldnt be. They were

probably occupied and had lost track of time. He would go surprise them. He stumbled outside

the station and began the trek home, stopping to adjust his duffel bag every few paces. Outside

the old-fashioned post office, the same American flag that had hung on the pole for 10 years still
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waved proudly. The postmaster stood on the porch, dropping envelopes from one bag into

another. Jack gave him a wary look. He might pull out a rifle and fire any minute. No, no, no.

The war is over. Stop it. Jack took a shaky breath and raised his hand. Hello, he muttered. The

postmaster looked up, surprised. Crankovich, is it? Yes. Yous the one who went overseas

to fight? Yes. Oh! Nice to have you back! Im sure your family will be happy. Jack nodded

slowly and continued walking. Maybe it was just this one person, maybe everyone else would be

more interested.

He passed the city hall. It used to be a house, he recalled. At the beginning of the war,

Marian had written to him about how they had painted it white, patched up the shutters, and

hammered a Mayors Office sign onto the red-trimmed front door. There was nobody outside.

Jack stopped to wipe his brow and stomp the dust off his tan boots. As he began to trudge

forward again, he heard a shout behind him. Jack! Jack Crankovich! His heart stopped beating.

The last person who had yelled his name like that was the lieutenant, not but a month ago. It was

when he had volunteered to be on a squad going to inform the men in the forward position to

retreat. By the time he got there, they were already dead; the trenches filled with blood and

German soldiers. He was frozen and his eyes were fixed lamely on the weather vane above him.

Jack? repeated the voice, now a little concerned. He realized it was only the mayor, and his

breathing slowed He turned slowly.

How- how are you? he asked shakily. The mayor looked at him, confused.

Are you okay? You seem a little disoriented.

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No. Im perfectly fine. I- I should get home. To Marian. And Norman and Margaret.

Nice seeing you again. The mayor frowned and nodded slowly, but didnt reply. Instead, he

shuffled towards the door, watching Jack out of the corner of his eye.

After what seemed like an eternity, Jack entered his street. All the houses looked the

same. Flower boxes in the windows, a paved walkway, a white picket fence, a flag hanging

outside the door as if to remind the house owners to do their patriotic duty. House number 317?

Or was it 314? No, it has to be 317. Nervously, he walked up the red brick path and slowly

climbed the stairs. He reluctantly reached out his hand to knock, feeling strangely uncomfortable

with the situation. But before his hand struck the door, it swung open. Inside the house stood a

pale Marian. Jack, she whispered. She didnt seem excited, or even happy. In fact, the

expression on her face was almost scared. Jack cleared his throat and spoke in a gruff voice.

Hello, Marian.

Ive- Ive missed you, Jack. She blinked quickly.

I didnt see you at the train station, Jack uttered stupidly, trying to fill the silence that

hung in the air. I was busy. Im sorry, Marian said quietly. Awkwardly, Jack hoisted his bag

over the stoop and stepped into the front room. Sit down, you must be tired. Ill get you a

drink. Jack eased himself into the brown armchair, looking around the room. The floral curtains,

the dusty linoleum floor, the redwood radio in the corner. The poem written by his daughter, the

trophy from his sons school spelling bee last year, the picture of him and Marian in the church

on their wedding day. All still there. But somehow, it didnt seem right.

Marian returned. She looked worried. She handed Jack a glass of water and awkwardly

sat down on the sofa across from him. It seemed unusually quiet. Maybe it was just his
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imagination, just like the railway guns and the enemy rifles and everything else. Where are the

kids? Did they go out? Jack asked.

Oh! The kids! Yes, Margaret is out. She went to dinner with a friend. A friend? Jack

suspected this friend wasnt simply a friend. Why hadnt she written him about her

relationship? And didnt she want to see him now that he was home? Did she not trust him? No,

that couldnt be. She had always loved him. Nobody could have seen him differently just

because he went away to war And Norman? Jack inquired. His son had to be the same. He

couldnt have changed. Marian turned away slightly.

Hes up in his room.

Jacks excitement quickly turned to confusion. Why didnt he come meet me at the

door? He used to always meet me at the door when I came home from work.

Jack, hes grown. Hes not a little boy anymore.

Of course he is, hes only eight. Ill go see him, Jack said, starting up the stairs. He

ignored the look Marian was giving him. He reached his sons bedroom door- or was it that one

to the left? No, surely it was this one. He shook his head and knocked. Norman? You in there,

buddy? He heard small footsteps coming to the door, and a smile spread across his face when it

opened onto his beloved son. Sure, Norman was a little taller than he remembered, but he was

still Jacks handsome little boy. Hey buddy, you sure have grown a lot! he said.

Oh, hi Dad, Norman said, his big brown eyes staring up at the man who stood in

front of him. Jack reached down to ruffle Normans hair, but he shrank away, looking down at

the floor. Jacks overjoyed smile faded to a look of concern. I- I should go. Norman retreated

into his doorway. But its good to see you, Dad, he added before closing the door. Jack stared
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stupidly at the door trying to comprehend what had happened. Norman, his little Norman His

eyes began to mist over.

Jack stormed down the stairs and rushed out to the porch, sitting down heavily on the

swing. He put his head in his hands. What happened to everybody? How had everything changed

so much? Jack stayed outside and watched the last rays of sun disappear. He observed the house

windows as lights came on and little boys and girls wheeled their bikes inside. He looked at the

sky as stars began to peep out. He didnt feel like getting up. Marian didnt come after him, not

even to call him in for supper.

The clock struck twelve, midnight. Marian opened the door, walked outside, and took

Jack by the arm. You need to sleep, she said gently. She guided him upstairs, showing him to

their bedroom. He looked around, and for a split second, wondered what it would be like to sleep

on a mattress again. He picked up the night shirt and boxer shorts that Marian had put on the bed

for him and slid them onto his body. It felt strange to wear normal clothes after all those months

of putting on rough combat fatigues. He climbed into bed and shifted around, trying to find a

comfortable spot, but failing. Jack attempted to fall asleep but was unsuccessful. Every time he

heard a creak, his head would snap up and he would start to breathe heavily. Whats the

matter? Marian asked. Germans. A shelling. A bomb. He was screaming inside, but he just

shook his head and didnt say anything out loud. Marian turned to him, and placing her hand on

his chest and slowly moving down to the waistband of his boxers, lightly kissed him. He didnt

kiss back. She whispered to him, Its been a while, hasnt it? Dont you want to...? Jack sighed

and turned away. In response, Marian, inched closer to him pleadingly.

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Marian, stop. I just want to go to bed, Jack exclaimed sharply. Jack She was

throwing herself at him. Why? Why was she so eager? She hadnt wanted to talk to him all

evening, but now she was all over him. She claimed she had been faithful to him the entire time

he was away at war. She had been waiting for him for a long and lonely year. Jack waved off

her numerous requests and shook his head. He made it clear that he wasnt ready for intimacy in

any form. He turned away, and after covering his ear with his pillow, fell into a fitful sleep.

In the early morning, not more than two hours after his uncomfortable exchange with

Marian, Jack stumbled out of bed, gasping. He wasnt fully awake. Marian only mumbled and

turned over. Without consciousness, unaware of what he was doing, he crept out to the backyard.

Jack fell to the ground in the backyard and started pulling dirt from the earth with his hands. We

need to hide enemy attack shells I can hear gunshots Help! Help! No, I need to get

away Cant do this....cant do this cant do this.... he cried unintelligibly as he dug. Slowly

but surely, his digging formed a hole amidst the grass. After several more minutes of scrabbling

in the earth, he had a small trench. He fell onto the ground and collapsed into the pit, and, after

some minutes of tossing and gasping in his half-conscious state, slipped into a heavy slumber.

He woke up the next morning at sunrise and saw only dirt around him. He looked up and

realized he was under the cloudy sky. In confusion, he brushed dirt off his clothes and clambered

out of the hole. Concerned, he stumbled inside to find Marian waiting at the table with a cup of

coffee next to her. She had an upset, guilt-filled expression on her face. Jack, youre not okay.

Did you wander outside in the night? Jack looked at her, unsure of how to respond.

I dont know, he said, looking at the ground. I really dont remember how it

happened. I must have been sleep-walking. It was nothing. I promise. Why hadnt she come to
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get him the minute she found out? Why was she asking now? Didnt she care that he could have

frozen to death, or gotten hit by a car, or walked out of the yard?

Jack was jolted out of his bitter thoughts by the sound of footsteps. Marian had moved

across the room and was sitting on the couch, gazing out the window into the pink sky. He

crossed the carpet and sat down next to her, hoping she was just having a bad day. Her face

softened and he thought she was going to kiss him or maybe deliver an I love you or an

Ive missed you but she just gave him a small smile. He looked at her sad, tired eyes, seeing

nothing of the girl he fell in love with in high school. Even her personality had changed. Ever

since yesterday, she had just been cold and awkward, trying to take advantage of him for all the

wrong reasons. Jack, I have to tell you something she whispered, her soft voice almost

breaking. He sat still, not certain how to respond her brimming eyes. Im so sorry, Jack she

cried, breaking into tears. He leaned in to comfort her, but she put her hand out to stop him. After

a long silence, Jack spoke.

For what? he answered uncertainly.

Jack, I want to be honest with you I have to tell you this some time, so I might as well

do it now. she sobbed.

I know, I've missed you too. I realize its strange having me around, but well get used

to it. We can be a family again. Jack said. He put out his hand to stroke her hair. She sharply

twisted away.

No! Thats not it! Jack, I- we- I have to- You know the handyman I called to fix the

house last April? He nodded. It was in one of the first letters he sent her. Shed written that the

faucet in the bathtub had broken, and that she got the local repairman to fix it one afternoon. In
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her curlicue handwriting, which Jack had read from his hard bunk in the barracks, she had

described the efficient job he did.

Marian continued talking, so quietly that he almost couldnt hear her. Well, I noticed a

chip in the front fence a couple weeks later, and I called him back to our house. He was here

until late evening painting the fence, and when he finished I invited him in for a drink, and we

started talking and and and we kissed she finished quickly. She looked down in shame.

Jack pounded one fist against the other. How could she? Hed only been away for a year!

Was she that tired of him? He felt like he needed to break the silence.

Just kissed? he inquired bitterly.

No, she whispered, twisting her hands, the tears coming in earnest now. She looked up.

Jack got up, not wanting to believe what he had just heard.

How could you? he roared, inching closer to her. Marian backed away with tears

rolling down her face and started rambling as she fidgeted with her dress.

Look, Jack, I know this isnt the best time for this, and I know I should have waited until

a better opportunity came up, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I-we should do something,

and its no use to just wait. Its better if we just end everything now, instead of facing each other

with guilt every day! I wouldnt have kept it from you for this long, but I was in denial. Im

sorry. Please...

Jack howled in Marians face. Something inside him snapped. He felt out of place in the

town. He knew he wasnt normal anymore. The least people could do was treat him like a human

being! But the postmaster had forgotten who he was, the mayor looked at him like an alien, his

children ignored him, and his wife had betrayed him. He simply wanted to be a normal member
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of society. But instead, he had to walk with a stoop, forever bearing the stamp of war. He used to

be well-known in Neillsville, but now he was a nobody whom everybody stared at with a

strange, pitiful look. Jack advanced towards his wife, words spilling out of his mouth. What the

hell? I married you because I loved you! I went away to war and fought for a year just so you

and all these other people could be safe! What on earth came over you? You let the children treat

me like dirt, and then you were unfaithful to me! What the actual hell? He paced angrily around

the room, continuing to scream until spit foamed at the corners of his mouth. Panting, he stopped

to catch his breath. Marian was cowering in the corner.

Jack stalked out of the front room and walked to the icebox. He pulled out a bottle of

whiskey that had been sitting there since who even knew? He slammed the door and ran to the

front entrance, seething. Marian emerged and frantically walked after him, trying to stop his exit.

Jack, please! Its not what it sounds like. We can just talk about this, and then Ill leave if you

want me to Jack swiveled around, his face red with anger and sweat.

Stop following me! he bellowed. Marian looked at him desperately, searching for

forgiveness in his face, but there was nothing there but the tough unforgiving features he had

developed during the war.

Please, Jack just listen Jack couldnt take it anymore. He raised his hand and

struck her cheek, hard. Marian put her hand to her face and staggered backwards, shocked,

before falling to the floor with a thud. With a final roar, Jack stormed out, slamming the door

behind him.

He paraded down the street in anger. He tucked the alcohol in his back pocket and started

to run. He didnt think, he just went and went and went. His feet took him to the one place he
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knew he could be alone the clearing in the woods where the lake was. He needed to get away,

away from his foreign goddamned hometown full of strangers he had known his whole life. He

ran into the trees, finally bursting through the brush onto a muddy bank near clear blue water.

Huddled in a ball, he rocked back and forth. Every now and then, he took a gulp of his whiskey.

What did he do to deserve this? How could she have cheated? Even he didnt cheat when he was

away. The other men would take any leave they could get to go into some town and find a

brothel, but he didnt. This was all his fault. He had married an idiot. It was his mistake, he

should have known she would take advantage of the whole town. It was the final sign that he no

longer belonged in Wisconsin. He wasnt considered normal anymore. Things couldnt be like

they were before the war. He would have to reinvent himself in order to fit in. He had to get

away.

Half-hearted tears rolled down Jacks face. He didnt know what to think. What had the

war done to everyone? Every so often, he would try to calm himself, but then he would realize he

was better off wallowing than putting on a false happy-face. He would feel sorrowful, but those

emotions always turned to anger. Jack stayed at the lake for the entire day, digging his fingers

into the dirt and breathing shakily as he looked into the water. Soon, he heard crickets chirping

around him. It was like hiding out in a trench to escape the German attacks, but this time, the

only danger was the townspeople who had alienated him. He looked up at the purple and orange

sky, and watched the last sliver of sun slip down behind the trees, plunging the world into a hazy

dusk. Jack staggered around the lake and threw the now-empty whiskey bottle at a tree. As it

shattered and fell to the ground, he started crying bitterly. His life was over. He could never

come back to Neillsville. He couldnt face those people again. They were finished with him.
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They did not want him anymore. And so, he decided that he did not want them anymore.

Suddenly, thunder rumbled in the distance, and Jack cowered, sobbing and waiting for the

artillery to end it once and for all. He put his hands over his head, holding his body together as

his mind fell apart.