Unrest in the Savannah

Simba is chilling in the cave, enter Zazu

Zazu: Bows Your royal highness

Simba: ZAZU, my main man! Who needs Nala when I got a bird as tasty as you? Winks

Zazu: fake laugh Who knew that joke would still be funny, the 100th time you said it. Im afraid
that Im not here on personal business, there is something we need to talk about.

Simba: Sigh What is now? Is there another pretender to the throne I gotta throw down a ravine?

Zazu: No no -

Simba: You know I meant for Scar to fall?

Zazu: Yes but -

Simba: He had it coming, we all know he did, so I was just like I got you Scar no worries, Oh
no youre slipping, uh no I cant hold on anymore, oh no hes dead.

Zazu: Thats all well but -

Simba: But in my head I was all like Thats for Dad you prick.

Zazu: Yes I know, could I get on to the important matters now?

Simba: Sigh If you must.

Zazu: Theres some unrest in the lower echelons of society. I got secret services to sniff
around, their leader appears to be a Zebra named Trotsky.

Simba: What they moaning about this time?

Zazu: Hes claiming that youre imposing an authoritarian rule that benefits the privileged elite,
i.e the lions, through exploiting the masses, i.e any of your subjects whom you hunt.

Simba: What rubbish.

Zazu: Well he does make some good points.

Simba: Say what?

Zazu: Well you do eat them.

Simba: Um, we have to eat them, were carnivores.

Zazu: But so many?

Simba: We dont eat that many

Zazu: There are three rotting antelopes outside, that youve barely touched.

Simba: Oh whatever, its apart of the circle of life. They eat us when we die and become the
grass. Everyone gets eaten at some point.

Zazu: Its just that you arent hunted down and brutally murdered when you get eaten.

Simba: Alright Morrissey, what do you suggest?

Zazu: Maybe, you could just eat the old ones, or the ones whove recently died?

Simba: Well thats no fun.

Zazu: Or you could at least eat fewer of them?

Simba: Oh fine, have it your way. Go and stop the lionesses hunting.

Zazu: Theyre not happy either.

Simba: What? Why?

Zazu: Well, they say your rule is misogynistic.

Simba: Those bitches.

Zazu: Theyre claiming that you force them to go and do all the hunting whilst you just lay about
here and do nothing but shout abuse at them.

Simba: Typical women, all they do is moan.

Zazu: See here Simba. (Simba looks shocked at Zazu taking a stand) Do a bit more hunting, be
there with them, stop saying slurs like that, and maybe the Kingdom wont be in such a state of
disrepair.

Simba: oh really (Points to wall) What are these on the wall Zazu?
Zazu: (Sighs) The rules of the kingdom.

Simba: And what do they say?

Zazu: No one say do this. No one say be there, No one say stop that. No one see here.

Simba: And what did you just do?

Zazu: Said do this, said be there, said stop that, said see here.

Simba: You know the punishment is banishment. Thats exactly why I exiled those other lions,
now you can fuck off and join them. Or I could put on a bit of Elton, and we could have some
fun before Nala gets home?