Cory Hersh

Childrens Studies Final Paper:

Opportunity is what consistently separates the successful from those who struggle. That

simple fact is one of the most significant overarching themes of the past semester in Childrens

Studies. Children lucky enough to have a variety of opportunities often take advantage of them,

while those who lack opportunity grow up without a choice. This semester has challenged me

not only to think of ways in which I can help children in need, but also to reconcile with the fact

that I am a white, heterosexual, and relatively wealthy male and have been extremely lucky

throughout my life while many others have not. Additionally, the powerfully impactful subjects

and discussions in the class seemed to intertwine with the equally profound journey of

attempting to find a post-collegiate identity. It is uncanny and, likely purposeful, how the topics

of this class tended to stick with me as I thought about my future. As I am only a few short

months away from graduation and exiting the Bucknell bubble, I have thought about a variety of

ways in which I may impact the lives of children I come into contact with and even those I do

not.

At this point in my life, my career interests lie at the intersection of counseling

psychology and sport, which is why I applied to a variety of counseling psychology PhD

programs with a concentration in sports psychology. While those interests do not necessarily

point towards children, I have no reservations about working, and would welcome the

opportunity to work, with children. As such, my career goals might even directly involve

children on a counseling scale. In fact, as I gave it more thought, I have extra motivation to

provide counseling help to children in need due to my own successful sessions with a therapist

when I was younger. Moreover, while I currently want to pursue my goal of becoming a

counseling psychologist for athletes, I would happily widen my practice to include children in
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need, especially with the added perspective of athletics and physical activity. For example, some

children (and people in general) may mentally benefit from added physical activity or being part

of a team as I have found to be the case within my own life. It would be intriguing to utilize

such an interdisciplinary approach to counseling children as well as exploring other avenues

towards mental health.

My ability to find a trusted therapist to help me fight my own inner demons brings to

mind an important opportunity that some lack: a guide or role model. In A Long Way Gone,

Ishmael Beah is blessed by Esthers presence in his life. She is a significant reason for Beahs

dramatic recovery. Only a short while after meeting Ishmael, Esther notices bullet wounds on

his legs and when she asks him what happened he notes that, her face filled with sorrow and her

voice [shook] (Beah, 154). When he began to talk, even though he says he had no desire to tell

her, she listened attentively[and] her eyes were glued to [his] face (Beah, 155). Though

Esther may not have realized the extent of the impact she would eventually have on Ishmael, her

intense commitment to reaching him and simply providing a listening ear gave Ishmael

something consistent to hold onto. That relationship between Esther and Ishmael blossomed into

what I believe is the defining factor largely responsible for returning him from the dehumanized

shell of war back into the teenager he should have been.

I cannot claim that my relationship with my therapist had anywhere near as large of an

impact on my life as Esthers with Ishmael, but what I can say is that I am lucky to have had him

just the same. I learned, through therapy, that my often-wandering mind did not have to control

me and that I could find ways to calm myself when necessary. Likewise, Ishmael rediscovered

the ability to enjoy life and experience emotions through self-reflection and productive

discussion with Esther. These meaningful relationships are present in many success stories, but
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are absent in a large portion of failures. There are many kids in the world who do not have the

privilege of attending therapy, or even someone to lend an ear, for something as simple as

feeling depressed or anxious. Some parents are emotionally unavailable, refusing to seek out

help for their mentally-ailing children. Additionally, even if they desire to help their child, many

families do not have the resources necessary to get that help. With a lack of help, many kids turn

towards unhealthy self-treatment behaviors such as drug-use or worse, suicide. In Beahs case,

there are many other child soldiers who did not have the advantage of developing a meaningful

relationship with an Esther of their own. They, by virtue of lacking a helping hand, have a

decreased chance at recovering from the terrors of warfare.

Robert Putnam also notes an important imbalance of informal mentors in America in

his book, Our Kids. Informal mentors are natural relationships that spring up with teachers,

pastors, coaches, family friends, and so forth. Putnam states, as [has been] seen repeatedly,

[informal mentors] often play a critical role in helping a child develop his or her full potential

(Putnam, 213). Something that is cause for concern, however, is the disproportionality of these

types of mentors for kids at opposite ends of the wealth gap. In fact, Putnam notes that kids

from affluent families are two to three times more likely to have such a mentor (Putnam, 214).

It is of no wonder, then, that children from affluent families have such an increased chance at

success in life. Not only do they have the ability to live without the worry and stress associated

with the lack of money, but they also have the increased availability of mentors to guide them

through tough and unfamiliar times in life.

That inequality of experience has inspired me to think about every possible interaction I

may have with children in my future, both in everyday life and as a result of my profession. As a

counseling psychologist, it will be a significant part of my job to develop a trusting and

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beneficial rapport with all of my clients. For my younger clients, it is important that I engage

them to such a degree that they feel that they can trust me and I can give them both an informal

and formal mentor. In other words, it will be my job to be mentor clients towards healthy mental

coping mechanisms, but it is my goal to mentor anyone who needs it and to provide a listening

ear whenever necessary. Surely, this goes beyond my eventual occupation as I have seen how

even a friendly neighbor or tough-loving coach can become a powerful influence on a childs

development. As a result of reading about Esthers effect on Ishmael as well as the countless

other examples of mentors we discussed in class, I have been moved to view nearly every

interaction with others as though I could have a similarly grandiose effect. I want to make

certain that my interactions with others result in positive reactions and developments rather than

negative ones.

Along similar lines, I intend on continuing my involvement in the Jewish community. As

a result of the field experience portion of the class, I was able to get involved as a madrich at

Congregation Beth El and was put in charge of the youngest kids there. My experience at Beth

El affected me in ways I never expected and I honestly have a tough time comprehending. I have

never been a spiritual or religious person and often scoff at what I view as ridiculous stories

told by religious texts, yet I now fully realize an internal tie to Judaic culture. I began to take

note of such a connection when I went on birthright last winter, but being immediately accepted

and comfortable with my surroundings at a congregation in Sunbury, Pennsylvania blew my

mind. Having gone to Hebrew school and observing Jewish customs for years myself caused,

within me, an instant familiarity and calmness about whatever my duties would be. I have

realized that it is not necessary for me to intensely believe in the spiritual side of my religion to

align with its customs. In fact, I now view my religion as a familial bond between myself and
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others who were raised with the same cultural background. It is that familiarity that allowed me

to feel so comfortable taking over complete control of the reigns as a teacher for the 4-6-year-

olds.

In addition to my newfound (or rediscovery of) appreciation for my Jewish heritage, I

also witnessed firsthand my own ability to have a direct impact on children. When I initially met

with Rabbi Mandel about volunteering at the congregation, she assured me that I would have my

hands full. When I asked her what she meant, she said that most of the kids had trouble sitting

still and paying attention and that I would be in charge of them. She also mentioned that it

would definitely benefit me to see their interactions among themselves and with adults in terms

of my psychology background. As a result of just having studied abroad in Denmark, I

immediately thought to myself how Americanized my job of keeping the children

academically engaged was.

I took my job and tweaked it to the best of my ability whenever I was there to engage the

kids not as blank slates to fill with my assigned information, but as intelligent beings who had

as much to offer as I did. For example, when I was given pages from a Hebrew book to teach, I

often asked the kids how they thought they should learn the information. Many times, they

would ask to write on the white board and I happily obliged. Initially, I would write Hebrew

words on the board and prompt them to read along with me. Surprisingly, they took to it

extremely well, especially when offered the reward of getting to challenge me in tic-tac-toe after

the lesson! Upon later sessions, I was astounded when they asked me whether they could write

on the board and try to trick me! As they tried their best to make up complex words to trick

me, they actively engaged in their own learning process. Many times, while I was simply an aid

and another adult was teaching the class, the adults would shrug off questions or ignore outbursts
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from the kids. Through the application of what I had learned in class and seen in Denmark, I feel

that I was able to make a difference with the kids in my class, no matter how small. For that

reason, I feel that it is important that I continue to volunteer at Beth El and also to stay involved

in the Jewish community after graduation.

When I witnessed the valuable questions of the kids at my field placement being

shrugged off by some of the adults and the kids parents, I thought a lot about Robert Coles

book, The Spiritual Lives of Children. The piece perfectly outlines what I witnessed at my

placement, which was the curious and intelligent nature of children. It is a wonder to me just

how much knowledge young children seek and it is such a shame to see that curiosity squashed

by adults who believe they are teaching more valuable information or worse, that the kids have

nothing of worth to say or inquire. One of my favorite sections of Coles book takes place when

Coles asks children to draw what they think God looks like. A girl accuses a boy of giving God

his own features to which the boy responds, no one has ever seen God, not before you die. So

how can you know? He probably looks different a lot of the time I mean, you see Him your

way, and maybe the next person sees Him some other way. The girl then questions, you

meanHe can change the way He looks? (Coles, 44). These are not simple questions that have

right and wrong answers and grown adults often ask themselves similar questions when they are

struggling with their spirituality. Religion, thus, is an extremely interesting facet of humanity to

examine in terms of child development. If children are capable of forming such complex

questions and answers, then perhaps it is about time we started treating them like the intelligent

beings that they are.

Robert Putnam also makes note of a correlation between affluence and religiosity, further

expanding the gap in experiences of children based on opportunity. In order to formulate and ask
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such questions about higher powers and spirituality in general, that religious experience must

first be breached. While Putnam does admit that religious engagement has traditionally been

less class-biased than virtually any other sort of community or extracurricular activity, he says

that in modern America poor families are generally less involved in religious communities than

affluent families (Putnam, 224). Its amazing that even something as simple as religious belief

is becoming more exclusive. This is likely due to the fact that less affluent families have more

pressing things to worry about than heading to church. Rather, they are more concerned with

working in order to provide for their family and put food on the table.

This disparity is yet another exemplification of how the lack of options can harm the

development of children. Certainly, I am not claiming that religion is a necessary practice for

full development as I, myself, am not significantly spiritual. However, having the ability to

explore spirituality for oneself is an important part of finding who you are. Further, the fact that

poorer families are becoming less involved in religious activity brings to mind Maslows

hierarchy of needs. For many, religion can be a form of self-actualizing behavior. Yet, if the

simple needs of a family are not being met due to lack of available money and time, then self-

actualization is out of reach. Religion takes a back seat to work, food, and sleep and the children

growing up in those households do not get the same experiences as their affluent counterparts.

Childrens Studies has also highlighted many of the important factors that are included in

being a successful parent. Although not in my immediate future, I do hope to have children of

my own one day and strive to directly affect them in the most positive of ways. Just as

interactions with people outside the family can have a substantial influence on the development

of a child, the interactions between parent and child are of the utmost importance. My goal as an

eventual parent is to take all that I have learned through my experiences and provide my child
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with the tools to succeed. That success need not be interpreted in the American way. In other

words, my knowledge of parenting stems from the multicultural perspectives we examined in

class as well as my experience in Denmark over the summer. Taking in a variety of perspectives

will hopefully allow me to be an effective and successful parent.

My ability to draw from a variety of perspectives in terms of child-rearing is directly tied

to both my parents and my own education. Putnam illustrates a very clear difference between

the goals of parents of varying levels of education. He writes, well-educated parents aim to

raise autonomous, independent, and self-directed children with high self-esteem and the ability to

make good choices, whereas less educated parents focus on discipline and obedience and

conformity to pre-established rules (Putnam, 119). This difference in parenting style perfectly

illustrates class differences and the effects of those styles on the children who grow up in such

environments. Children who grow up in homes where they are encouraged to develop into an

independent and self-reliant being are more likely to be creative and eventually find occupations

they enjoy and in which they can thrive. The children who grow up in environments where they

are simply encouraged to be obedient do not necessarily learn skills necessary for higher-level

jobs. Moreover, the self-reliant child will ask questions and challenge him/herself in creating his

own governing policies whereas the obedient child will tend to look to others for answers or

tasks.

I believe it is important to instill a certain level of each skillset within children.

Autonomy is an important skillset because it establishes within a person the drive to succeed and

do something he/she finds fulfilling. Obedience, in itself, is an odd term because it entails the

necessity of complying with the orders of someone of higher status. Thus, while I believe a

similar skillset is necessary, I prefer to call it compromise. Compromise, as a skill, allows a

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person to recognize the merit of another persons viewpoint or position while also respectfully

wrestling with ones own opinions. I credit my own education for the ability to reason with the

pitfalls and benefits of each parenting styles even if I fail to individually agree or disagree with

their merits.

In fact, even though I understand the negative obedience implications, I had difficulties

seeing the negatives of the practice of spanking. I wrestled with my opinions and lack of

experience in my journal, mostly through stories I had heard from friends and acquaintances

about experiences with the practice in their own homes. In my journals, I spoke of how friends

have recounted stories about how being spanked reinforced the fact that a behavior they had

exhibited was bad or wrong and how they ceased such conduct. I also mentioned that, in Social

Psychology, I had learned about a study that said spanking worked under the conditions that it

was immediate, the reasoning was explained beforehand, and that the punishment fit the crime.

In response to my journals, Professor Boyatzis prompted me to look up studies done by Elizabeth

Gershoff that explain in detail why spanking is harmful to the development of children.

Gershoffs many studies have found that spanking has not been shown to have a significant

effect on reducing unwanted behaviors and has been tied to aggressive behavior in children who

have been spanked.

As I scanned her various studies and her reasoning behind encouraging Americans to

abandon such an ineffective and harmful practice (Gershoff, 2013), her points definitely

resonated with me in ways I had not previously thought about. It, of course, makes sense that

hitting children would result in aggressive behavior from the children themselves. If children are

supposed to look up to, and learn from, their parents, then hitting them for doing something

deemed inappropriate or bad would simply teach them to do the same to others. What
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surprised me more, however, is the level of ineffectiveness of spanking in curbing unwanted

behaviors. Having never been spanked, yet hearing success stories from many friends, caused

me to believe in the effectiveness of the practice and simply the cultural difference of who

utilized spanking as a parenting tactic. I did not think about the possible confounding factors

that provided air bags allowing my friends to develop successfully, even withstanding the

practice of spanking. I never planned on spanking my eventual children, but Professor Boyatzis

push for me to read into the practice that I viewed as relatively positive, has definitely put it in

a slightly different perspective. My friends who were spanked, almost across the board, had

many avenues towards success that offset the negative consequences of spanking.

Having my views challenged as well as having the ability to discuss important issues in a

respectful and intellectual environment all semester long has influenced and motivated me to

start conversations with classmates and people I may meet down the line. Maybe my views on

spanking have not entirely been changed, but I have to say that I now have a more complete view

of the effects as well as the factors that contribute to success stories. In this way, I feel that it

is my duty to speak up and challenge the views of others I may meet whenever I may have useful

information to share, especially as it pertains to children. I definitely cannot directly or even

indirectly influence the lives of all children, but in the event that I can try to even engage another

parent in fruitful discussion about how to best go about raising children perhaps I can have a

larger impact than I may think.

For example, in class we talked about the positives and negatives of approaching a man

in Walmart who had likely given his son a black eye. However unlikely it is that the man may

change his ways based on a conversation with a stranger, I figure it is worth a shot if there is

even a speck of hope. Despite my previous reservations on discontinuing the practice of

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spanking, there is no action that deserves a physical response like the one we suspected the father

had enacted. Thus, maybe having an uncomfortable conversation with someone unfamiliar in

Walmart would cause the father to think twice about his actions the next time his son provoked

his anger. Having the personal courage to stand up to, or even simply talk to, someone with

opposing views could significantly affect the children that both parties come into contact with.

In a country that just elected Donald Trump, it is now more important than ever to speak out

against injustice and make sure that all voices are heard, especially those of children who cannot

always speak up for themselves.

This class has also convinced me of the variety of ways in which I can affect the lives of

children, even without confrontation of others or direct contact. As an eventual parent, I fully

intend on being a part of the school board of whatever school system my child attends.

Educational policy changes will affect more than just my own child and my goal is to make sure

that whatever those changes are, they will have the outcome of creating a more equal experience

for all students. No matter a childs background, he/she is entitled to the same educational

opportunities as every other child and it is my goal to make sure that I speak out against any

policy that will have an opposing effect. My only hope is that by the time I am old and ready

enough to be a part of an educational board, that America has not changed so much that I am the

only person of such a mindset.

Putnam makes clear that where and who you grow up with matters. The school you

attend has a direct effect on how successful you become in life. In fact, he notes that what kids

from affluent homes and neighborhoods bring to school tends to encourage higher achievement

motivation (Putnam, 169). If our goal is to produce the best possible students and to become a

nation that is truly an embodiment of equality, we must make sure that our education system
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allows for that to be a possibility. As a single person, it is hard to have the expectations of

causing high-level change, particularly in a nation that seems to be so divided. However, if I can

speak up for the kids who have more challenges to face as a member of a school board, perhaps

my voice, and more importantly, their voices, will be heard.

Even something as simple as paying attention to my purchases can have a positive result

on the lives of children. When we read, and looked at Lewis Hines project, Kids at Work, it

struck a chord within me due to the fact that I rarely think of child labor as something that took

place here in the United States and not even that long ago. The horrible pictures of little boys

covered from head to toe in black soot from the coal mines and kids sitting next to their parents

shucking oysters made me wish I could have helped them. When these kids should have been in

school or experiencing the innocent joys of childhood, they were working for pennies per day in

order to help their families get by. I am so glad that the practice of child labor has been outlawed

in the United States, but it still goes on elsewhere in the world.

We watched a video in class called When Children Do the Work, that showed the

horrible conditions that youth toil in around the world. The children are treated terribly and

forced to work to pay off debts that sometimes are the result of their parents. Seeing both the

pictures of kids in America as well as modern day video of child labor was disturbing to say the

least. It is truly hard to think about an issue like this because I have neither experienced it

personally nor have I even been consistently made aware of its presence. It is amazing to think

how many Americans, myself included, are allowed to live in bliss simply because of their

ignorance. Therefore, even doing a bit more research before I buy a soccer ball or piece of

clothing can be a small act that I can do to better the lives of children around the globe. By
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making sure that the brands of products that I purchase are made by companies that do not

employ children, I can make my own small statement against those companies that do.

There are a variety of ways in which I can and will impact the lives of children. Even as

I move past this semester in Childrens Studies, the lessons I have learned, the discussions of

which I have been a part, and the experiences I have had will influence my decisions and

perspectives on a variety of topics that may arise. My goal is to make a positive impact, no

matter how small, on the opportunities available to every child possible.

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References

Beah, Ishmael. A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier. New York: Farrar, Straus &

Giroux, 2008. Print.

Coles, Robert. The Spiritual Life of Children. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1990. Print.

Freedman, Russell. Kids at Work: Lewis Hine and the Crusade against Child Labor. New York,

NY: Scholastic., 1994. Print.

Gershoff, Elizabeth T. "Spanking and Child Development: We Know Enough Now to Stop

Hitting Our Children." Child Development Perspectives 7.3 (2013): 133-37. Web.

Putnam, Robert D. Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis. New York: Simon & Schuster,

2015. Print.

When Children Do the Work. Dir. Patrice O'Neil. The Working Group, 2005. Web.