05/26/2016

This journal entry is taken from original field notes, recorded in situ. They are modified only to
improve general grammar and clarity.

(Student) Peter's English is good, but not great. However, he described for me two interesting
ideas. First, Chinese students face some difficulty upon learning university. This is consistent
with a question posed by a student earlier; jobs dwindle, and future feels uncertain. This is
further complicated by the legacy of the one child policy. Even more so than in the US, Chinese
youths have been the sole focus of attention for parents. They are torn. As Peter said to me,
they are, 'at the cross', where one choice is to do something they enjoy and the other choice is
to make money and achieve both security and stability.

After meeting the students with whom I will be working - Terry, D, Henry, Peter, and the others -
I can't help but be surprised. The group is multilingual, well-trained in a number of schools, and
quite disciplined. The only area they might lack in is creatitivity. Terry's opinion about
Sino-Japanese relations (namely "you can't charge one for the whole nation") and Peter's
grappling with this common dilemma of an uncertain future seems to indicate a breadth of
thought.

05/27/2016

This journal entry is taken from original field notes, recorded in situ. They are modified only to
improve general grammar and clarity.

It is difficult to discern the value of the observation so early in my stay, but I can't help but think
of the ubiquitous dualities in Chinese society. Navigating the country proves that it is a dirty
place. Refuse of all kinds litter streets and sidewalks, suburban fields and highway medians.
The water isn't potable, and pollution hangs literally and visibly in the air.

However, citizens are regularly dressed well - to the point that I feel under-dressed most of the
time. Countless foreign cars navigate the streets, both new and spotless. Hair is done neat, and
the art on display is beautiful.

Virtually every Chinese citizen under 40 in an urban area have at least a loose grasp on key
phrases in English, and many have more than that. Quite a few are genuinely bi, tri, or
quadralingual. Depending on the region, one may speak Russian, Mongolian, Korean,
Japanese, Hakka, French, German, Vietnamese, and, of course, English.

Despite this, and so unlike my experience with students in the US, people here don't seem
eager to speak English. Perhaps there are plenty of personal reasons to explain this - a lack of
confidence, disinterest, active dislike inspired by bitter memories from high school - but maybe
there is some underlying cultural explanation.
On campus here, students largely learn by way of passive lectures. Teachers talk at them.
Students obediently nod at appropriate times and perhaps respond as a group on occasion.
Even the English classes I have observed have little speaking or listening practice, aside from
listening to the instructor.

However projects at the end of semester or year are often presentations that include a great
deal of public speaking, collaboration, and expression, which don't seem to be practiced.

06/04/2016

This journal entry is taken from original field notes, recorded in situ. They are modified only to
improve general grammar and clarity.

In China, graduating high school students participate in a standardized national exam,

connected to the quality of university to which they might be accepted. The details around this
are still fuzzy to me.

According to the students, this exam is serious, difficult, important, and anxiety-provoking. This
exam decides a lot for them.

However, once in a university, it isn't particularly difficult, based on what the students tell me
and what little I have gotten to observe. Instructors tend to drone on, there seems to be no
regular homework assignments, and assessments seem infrequently scheduled and lacking any
particular rigor. Some courses have collaborative projects, but many do not.

According to one student, "It is hard to get into university; it is easy to get out".

12/04/16

As the semester comes to a close, I can look back over the last six months and begin to
evaluate my experiences.

I can neither express enough gratitude, nor describe with accuracy the feeling of personal
fulfillment in getting to travel and spend time abroad, learning from those with drastically
different lives from my own. I had the irreplaceable and largely indescribable opportunity to
experience an entirely unique country, group of people, and social institutions. Personally,
academically, and professionally. I was able to grow and develop in ways that I couldnt have
through any means here in the US.

Those experiences and conversations established a foundation on which I was able to build all
the readings, research, and interviews that followed. I acquired a confidence and familiarity in
discussing these matters, as I had not only read about, but had first-hand experience with the
people and places in question. This made the interviews here in the US more meaningful than
had this not been the case.

The rest of the experience - the independent research that followed - proved to me that there
are some areas where I still sorely lack key skills and abilities. Faced with an abstract project,
without significant guidance or established procedure, I was unable to perform effectively, at
least according to my own opinions and hopes.

As a capstone project for a program focusing on leadership, this was a difficult thing for me to
process. A leader should, or must, rather, be able to analyze a problem, formulate a plan, and
act. While I know with certainty that the time was well spent, and I believe that I have met my
minimum expectations from when I set out, I am still disappointed.

At this point, I now know with great clarity that I have more to learn. As a leader, I have a ways
to go before I am the person I need to be. Rarely have I had the opportunity to engage in such
sharp and critical self-reflection. While difficult, I know it will be valuable in the future.