THE SPEAKER

CAST: SARA and BRAD

SETTING: An auditorium.
(AT RISE: SARA and BRAD are sitting next to each other.
They are staring straight ahead. After a moment, Brads head drops as he falls asleep.)

SARA: (Nudging HIM.) Brad! Wake up!

BRAD: (Jumps.) Man! How much longer do we have to sit here?
SARA: SHHH!
BRAD: (Looks at watch.) Two hours of this. Can you believe it?
SARA: SHHH!
BRAD: Saturday morning and I couldve slept late. But noooo! I have to sit here in this stupid
auditorium and listen to this stupid man! What is he talking about anyway?
SARA: Community service.
BRAD: I can serve my community better if I sleep late on Saturday.
SARA: SHHH!
BRAD: Lets sneak out of here.
SARA: Oh right! And have Mrs. Johnson furious with us? I can hear her now! (Mocking.) And
perhaps the student body should be aware that the President and Vice- President of our own
Student Council skipped out of Saturdays meeting ... as the Mayor was speaking!
BRAD: But this is so boring!
SARA: You dont have to tell me about it!
BRAD: Why doesnt this man shut up?
SARA: I guess he has a lot to say.
BRAD: (Mocking, he lowers his voice.) In other words, let me say this...
SARA: Did you hear that?
BRAD: (Mocking.) Or let me explain it this way...
SARA: SHHH...be quiet!
BRAD: Blah-blah-blah.
SARA: Did you hear what he just said?
BRAD: (Mocking.) Its important that I get my point across. So to clarify, let me expand on my
interpretation of this situation.
SARA: No, the part about the break.
BRAD: (Sits up straight.) Were about to break?
SARA: SHHH...listen.
BRAD: For the day?
SARA: No, for doughnuts.
BRAD: Doughnuts? But I want to go home!
SARA: My stomach is growling. A doughnut sounds pretty good.
BRAD: My ears are throbbing. A break sounds delightful.
SARA: He is a bit long winded.
BRAD: A bit? Please!
SARA: I wonder if they have chocolate-covered doughnuts.
BRAD: SHHH!
SARA: What?
BRAD: Be quiet!
SARA: Be quiet? Im the one whos been quiet all morning and now you want me to be quiet so
you can listen to this man speak? Im hungry! I want a doughnut! My stomach
is growling. And Im tired of sitting here. Im ready for a break!
BRAD: You just missed it.
SARA: What?
BRAD: His announcement.
SARA: What announcement?
BRAD: About our break.
SARA: (Stands.) Oh! Its time?
BRAD: (Pulls her down.) Sit down!
SARA: (She sits down.) Why isnt everyone getting up? Isnt it break time? Doughnut time?
BRAD: Not until after the slide show.
SARA: The slide show? Oh no! I wonder how long it will last?
BRAD: (Mocking.) Please be patient with me. The slide
SARA: (Sinks in chair.) Oh no.
BRAD: At least they turned off the lights. (Sinks in chair.) Goodnight. (Closes eyes.)
SARA: This isnt fair! I want to go home! I have things to do! I have friends to talk to! Im
hungry!
BRAD: SHHH...youre waking me up!
SARA: Wait a minute. Youre the President of this stupid Student Council!
BRAD: And youre the Vice-President. Thats why were here., remember?
SARA: Lets leave! Lets just get up and leave!
BRAD: Mrs. Johnson would probably kick us out of the Student Council.
SARA: Let her!
BRAD: What?
SARA: Brad, think about it! We wouldnt have to come to anymore of these stupid meetings.
And no more afterschool meetings!
BRAD: Hmmm...I will if you will.
SARA: You will?
BRAD: On the count of three well stand, wave good-bye to Mrs. Johnson and wave good-bye
to Student Council.
SARA: Lets do it!
BRAD: One, two, three...
(Neither one gets up.)
SARA: Of course wed be saying good-bye to our pictures in the yearbook and making the
announcements over the speaker every Monday morning and getting recognized at all those
school functions.
BRAD: Okay, so we sit here.
SARA: And sit here and sit here and sit here...
BRAD: (Sinks in chair.) Goodnight.
SARA: (Sinks in chair.) Goodnight.
 A CLOSE CALL
CAST: MEG and TED

TED: Hey, Meg, I voted for you today.

MEG: Thanks. See ya later.
TED: Wait! I also talked Becky and James into voting for you, too.
MEG: Great. See ya.
TED: Heck, I convinced my entire first-period class to vote for you. Everyone was asking,
Who should I vote for? Who should I vote for? I stood right up and said, Vote for
Meg!
MEG: Why? I didnt ask you to be my campaign manager.
TED: Granted, we dont know each other that well, but last year when you sat in front of me in
math class, youd always turn around and smile at me. And I knew right then
that you had to be a fair and honest person.
MEG: I wasnt smiling at you!
TED: Yes you were. I saw you. Almost everyday youd glance back at me like this...and smile.
MEG: Sorry to disappoint you, Ted, but I was not smiling at you, I was laughing at you.
TED: Laughing?
MEG: Yes! Remember those glasses you used to wear? They were this big and this thick and
you looked so funny! (Laughing.) You looked like a gerbil wearing glasses! Who wouldnt
laugh?
TED: Oh.
MEG: Well, if youll excuse me. Im off to the library to polish up my acceptance speech.
TED: Youre very confident, arent you?
MEG: Of course! Those jerks who are running against me dont stand a chance!
TED: You know, Im on the committee who helps count the ballots.
MEG: Congratulations. Have fun.
TED: Ill know who won before you do.
MEG: Good for you.
TED: Are you nervous?
MEG: No. Ill win.
TED: It was close.
MEG: It was close? You know? You already know who the winner is?
TED: Sure. I just told you I was on the committee that counted the ballots.
MEG: Did I win?
TED: You know I cant tell you that.
MEG: Please.
TED: It was a close call.
MEG: TELL ME!
TED: Now, now. You have to wait just like everyone else. Theyll announce the winner over the
loudspeaker this afternoon.
MEG: TELL ME!
TED: Meg, I cant. Im sorry.
MEG: YOU NERD! TELL ME!
TED: Hey, you dont have to resort to name-calling. I was trying to be your friend and let you
know that I supported you. And to think, I thought you were nice.
MEG: I would never be friends with someone like you!
TED: Whats wrong with me?
MEG: Youre a loser!
TED: Youve got that wrong.
MEG: What?
TED: YOURE THE LOSER! (Smiles at her.) See ya.
 STAGE FRIGHT
CAST: MR. COX and MEGAN
SETTING: A classroom.

MR. COX: Class, Ive asked Megan to come to the front andread her essay.
MEGAN: But Im not finished with my essay, Mr. Cox.
MR. COX: Of course youre not finished. Thats why were working on them in class all week.
Now everyone be quiet and listen. Megan.
MEGAN: Mr. Cox, I cant. Its not in order. Its mostly just notes.
MR. COX: Of course it is, Megan. A rough draft is just the beginning. You must first gather
your thoughts. But please, let the class have a sample of the essay youre working so hard on.
MEGAN: Could you call on someone else instead?
MR. COX: Why? Look at all the notes you have! Youve been working so hard! Hold up your
papers, Megan. Class, look how much she has written! Go ahead, Megan.
MEGAN: But its really rough. Id say its a rough roughdraft.
MR. COX: Thats fine. Its not your complete sentences Im concerned about. I want the class
to understand how important it is to gather as much information as possible and stay focused on
your subject. So please
MEGAN: Could I wait until tomorrow?
MR. COX: (Laughing.) Of course not, Megan. Tomorrow is Saturday. We wont be here.
MEGAN: Oh yeah.
MR. COX: Go ahead.
MEGAN: Could I go to the bathroom first?
MR. COX: You can wait.
MEGAN: You know what? My writing is so sloppy. I can hardly read it myself.
MR. COX: I understand, Megan. When I feel passionate about a subject, my thoughts are faster
than my hand!
MEGAN: Mr. Cox.
MR. COX: Yes?
MEGAN: I need to tell you something.
MR. COX: Yes?
MEGAN: See, I really get nervous when I stand in front of people.
MR. COX: Oh really?
MEGAN: Its true! Id call it stage fright.
MR. COX: What a shame! Well Megan, maybe I could help you transfer out of Mrs. Griffiths
drama class.
MEGAN: What?
MR. COX: Thats not fair to stick you into a class you absolutely hate. And its obvious you
dont have any talent in that area. Take it from me, Megan, drama is not your thing.
MEGAN: But...
MR. COX: But perhaps you could use that period to be my teachers assistant.
MEGAN: But...
MR. COX: Yes! A wonderful idea! Ill talk to the counselor about it this afternoon.
MEGAN: But...
MR. COX: I understand. Believe me, I do. Give me your paper and Ill read it for you. We
wouldnt want you to experience stage fright.
MEGAN: Thats okay. Ill...uh...do my best, Mr. Cox.
MR. COX: All right, Megan. Go ahead.
MEGAN: (She looks at her paper. A pause.) Although there are almost as many definitions of
poetry as there are poets, there is no simple way to define poetry. Poems can
be written in many different forms and styles, on many different subjects and many different
emotions.
MR. COX: (Clapping.) What wonderful Improvisation!
MEGAN: Excuse me?
MR. COX: For someone who panics in front of an audience, you just acted out a wonderful
performance!
MEGAN: I did?
MR. COX: Forget getting out of drama, Megan. I was
wrong. You are definitely an actress!
MEGAN: I am?
MR. COX: (Snatches paper from Megan.) Now that your acting abilities have been proven,
lets see about your writing abilities. (Reading her paper.) Dear Ashley, How are you? Im
sitting here in Mr. Coxs class. BORING! Im supposed to be working on my stupid essay. Ha,
ha, if only he had a clue. (Stops reading and looks at MEGAN.)
MEGAN: (Dramatically.) Oh Mr. Cox, Im so sorry! Really! Ill never write notes in your class
again! Promise!
MR. COX: Thank you, Megan. And I promise to let you work on your essay everyday this week
after school for two hours.
MEGAN: TWO HOURS?
MR. COX: Not enough time?
MEGAN: But I have drama after school!
MR. COX: Oh Megan, Id say your drama skills are quite good. But its your essay that needs
help. Because right now youre failing.
MEGAN: Failing?
MR. COX: Maybe its my boring class. But dont worry, Megan, well stay in here every day
for as long as it takes.
MEGAN: Great.
MR. COX: You may take your seat now.
 THE EXCUSE
CAST: MS. PEIDMONT and CHRISTOPHER
SETTING: A school office.

MS. PEIDMONT: Christopher, may I help you?

CHRISTOPHER: Ms. Peidmont, I need a late pass.
MS. PEIDMONT: And why are you late? (Holds up hand.) Wait! Before you tell me, let me
warn you that Ive heard every possible excuse today from my locker got jammed to
I didnt hear the bell. So unless its good, dont even bother. You can just prepare yourself for
the consequences.
CHRISTOPHER: What are the consequences?
MS. PEIDMONT: That depends on the number of unexcused lates youve received this year.
Three and its... (Gestures knife across throat.)
CHRISTOPHER: Whats...? (Gestures knife across throat.)
MS. PEIDMONT: Believe me, you dont want to know! How many unexcused lates have you
had this year?
CHRISTOPHER: Two.
MS. PEIDMONT: (Excited.) Oh good!
CHRISTOPHER: Good?
MS. PEIDMONT: And Im the one who gets to determine if its this...WHEW...or... (Gestures
knife across throat.) Okay, Im ready. Shoot. And make it good.
CHRISTOPHER: Well...the reason I was late...
MS. PEIDMONT: Yes? Yes?
CHRISTOPHER: I had to use the pay phone in the hall.
MS. PEIDMONT: I take it this was an EMERGENCY? The death of a family member perhaps?
CHRISTOPHER: Well, no, not exactly.
MS. PEIDMONT: This isnt looking good. Go on.
CHRISTOPHER: I had to call my grandmother.
MS. PEIDMONT: Shes on deaths door and you wanted to hear her voice for the last time?
CHRISTOPHER: No, not exactly. I needed her to come to school and bring me something.
MS. PEIDMONT: Medication? Because without it you would go into convulsions?
CHRISTOPHER: Not really. I needed some money.
MS. PEIDMONT: To pay off some boys here at school so they wouldnt beat you up?
CHRISTOPHER: No, not that. For lunch. I forgot my lunch money.
MS. PEIDMONT: IS THAT ALL?
CHRISTOPHER: Its the truth.
MS. PEIDMONT: (Mocking.) Its the truth. Listen here, young man, I couldve come up with a
better excuse than that!
CHRISTOPHER: Im sorry. What can I say?
MS. PEIDMONT: This job as the school secretary is a challenge for me, do you understand? Its
my duty to decipher whats real and whats not! So, dont come in here with your lousy excuse
about needing lunch money!
CHRISTOPHER: But its true, Ms. Peidmont.
MS. PEIDMONT: (Mocking.) But its true, Ms. Peidmont. (Grabs his shirt and pulls him
forward.) Listen here! I expect you to come up with a better excuse than that!
CHRISTOPHER: Okay, okay!
MS. PEIDMONT: (Lets go of his shirt.) Okay, so lets hear the REAL excuse now!
CHRISTOPHER: Okay. Well...the reason I was late...
MS. PEIDMONT: Yes? Yes?
CHRISTOPHER: My grandmother sells drugs to the kids.
MS. PEIDMONT: Just when I thought Id heard it all!
CHRISTOPHER: I was calling her because I got a tip that the cops were on to her. I wanted to
warn her.
MS. PEIDMONT: How sad. How sad. (Writes, then hands him a piece of paper.) Heres your
excuse.
CHRISTOPHER: Thank you, Ms. Peidmont!
MS. PEIDMONT: I just hope that you dont follow in the footsteps of your relatives.
CHRISTOPHER: No maam!
MS. PEIDMONT: Im glad to hear you say that. (Shakes head.) A grandmother of all people!
CHRISTOPHER: Ms. Peidmont?
MS. PEIDMONT: Yes?
CHRISTOPHER: Do you ever make loans to kids? I mean a couple of bucks? Id pay you back
tomorrow.
MS. PEIDMONT: Sure. (Hands him money.) Heres three dollars.
CHRISTOPHER: Thanks, Ms. Peidmont. I was worried I might starve to death at lunchtime.
MS. PEIDMONT: Save the dramatics. I seriously doubt youd starve to death at lunch.
CHRISTOPHER: Youre right, Ms. Peidmont. Youre always right.
 A BIG BABY
CAST: JUSTIN and SHELLY

JUSTIN: Shelly, how can you do this to me?

SHELLY: Justin, would you rather that I cheat on you?
JUSTIN: But Shelly, youve been my girlfriend since 3rd grade.
SHELLY: Exactly.
JUSTIN: Every school dance, every social event, its you and me.
SHELLY: I know. Believe me, I know.
JUSTIN: You cant break up a perfect relationship!
SHELLY: Justin, you arent listening to me. Im bored with this relationship.
JUSTIN: Bored? With me?
SHELLY: With us! I want to be free to date other boys.
JUSTIN: Other boys! What about me? Your loyal, true boyfriend? Are you just gonna kick me
to the curb?
SHELLY: Justin, I know this is hard to handle, but youll get over me someday.
JUSTIN: Never! Never!
SHELLY: There will be other girls.
JUSTIN: Never! Its only you, Shelly!
SHELLY: Justin, we can still be friends.
JUSTIN: Great! Friends!
SHELLY: Try to be strong about this.
JUSTIN: Shelly, I dont want to be without you! Youve been in my life since 3rd grade! Youre
the reason I want to wake up in the morning! Without you, how will I survive?
SHELLY: Oh Justin, dont be such a big baby about this. Look, itll be fun for us to date other
people. Who knows, after a while we might even get back together.
JUSTIN: So youre going to be dating other boys?
SHELLY: Yes. And youll be dating other girls. Well, eventually. I realize itll take you some
time to get over me.
JUSTIN: I wouldnt even know who to ask out! Who would go out with me?
SHELLY: Well, Darlene always said she would go out with you.
JUSTIN: Darlene? Really? Your best friend Darlene?
SHELLY: Of course I know that Darlene is not your type.
JUSTIN: (Smiling.) Darlene...
SHELLY: Justin, shell understand if you dont ask her out. That old saying is false. Opposites
do not attract.
JUSTIN: Tonight...
SHELLY: What?
JUSTIN: Im going to ask Darlene out tonight.
SHELLY: WHAT?
JUSTIN: I always thought Darlene was cute. Really, really cute.
SHELLY: JUSTIN!
JUSTIN: Those big beautiful blue eyes, that cute little nose, those lips...oh, those lips!
SHELLY: Justin! How can you do this to me?
JUSTIN: What?
SHELLY: Leave me for Darlene!
JUSTIN: Shelly, you already left me for...for...who did you leave me for?
SHELLY: No one!
JUSTIN: Well, you left me for no one and so Im asking Darlene out!
SHELLY: But...but...
JUSTIN: I always liked her name, too. Darlene...Darlene...
SHELLY: Never mind!
JUSTIN: What?
SHELLY: Never mind, I dont want to break up with you!
JUSTIN: Its too late.
SHELLY: No its not!
JUSTIN: Yes it is. In fact, Im happy about it now. You know, I never considered going out with
another girl until you suggested it. Thanks, Shelly! Darlene! Oh Darlene!
(HE exits happily. SHELLY begins to whine and cry.)
 THE PRESENT

CAST: MOM and SON

SETTING: Outside of sons bedroom.
(AT RISE: MOM and SON are both standing in front of his bedroom door.)

MOM: For the last time, open your door!

SON: But Mom, a man needs his privacy.
MOM: Excuse me, you are hardly a man! A man does not hang his clothes on the ceiling fan to
get them out of the way! A man does not rip into a bag of potato chips like an animal! And a
man...
SON: Those are bad habits, Mom. Not qualities for being a man.
MOM: Subject closed. Open your bedroom door!
SON: No!
MOM: NO?
SON: Im...Im in the process of cleaning it. I dont want you to see it yet.
MOM: Im sure. Because if I see it, Ill lock you in your room for a month!
SON: Its not THAT bad.
MOM: Okay, then open your door.
SON: I cant.
MOM: And why not?
SON: I...I have something in there that I dont want you to see.
MOM: Half my dishes?
SON: No. A present.
MOM: Its not my birthday.
SON: Mom, does it have to be your birthday for me to give you a present? How about...just
because I love you!
MOM: (Holds out her hand.) Ill take it now, thank you.
SON: Not yet.
MOM: Why not?
SON: Because I...I want to put a bow on it!
MOM: Fine. Ill wait.
SON: Mom, please!
MOM: Im not going away.
SON: Mom!
MOM: Im staying right here. And when you bring out my present, bring out my dishes, too.
SON: I will! But just go in the kitchen and wait for me!
MOM: And YOU have to wash them.
SON: Okay! Ill wash the dishes!
MOM: So...open your door!
SON: Mom! Whatever happened to respecting another persons privacy?
MOM: And how about respecting me and doing what I say? OPEN YOUR DOOR!...What was
that noise?
SON: I didnt hear anything.
MOM: I just heard it again. OPEN YOUR DOOR!
SON: Mom, listen, Im not ready. I mean, its not ready.
MOM: Whats not ready?
SON: Your present. Actually, the present is for both of us.
MOM: I have to share my present with you?
SON: More like Ill be happy to share my present with you. When Im at school, its yours.
MOM: Youre scaring me!
SON: Youll love it, Mom!
MOM: Id like to see it, son!
SON: You can as soon as I wash it and put a bow on it.
MOM: Its dirty? My present is dirty? Where did you find it?
SON: Outside.
MOM: Outside? Have you been digging around in the
dumpster?
SON: Mom, relax. Ill wash it, put a bow on it and youll fall
in love with it.
MOM: Give me a hint.
SON: A hint?
MOM: What color is it?
SON: Brown.
MOM: How big is it?
SON: Little.
MOM: What do you do with it?
SON: Love it.
MOM: Love it?...I heard that noise again. Why is my present whinning like a puppy?
SON: I...uh...
MOM: (Angrily.) A PUPPY?
SON: Mom...
MOM: No!
SON: But Mom!
MOM: NO!
SON: At least wait until you see it before you say no.
MOM: Oh, Im going to see it all right! (Opens door.) Oh... how cute! (Kneels down.) Come
here, precious. Youre so dirty, you poor little thing. Come here and Ill give you a
bath. Yes...you darling thing, youre just so cute.
 THE ASSIGNMENT

CAST: AMANDA and PETER

SETTING: A library.
(AT RISE: AMANDA and PETER are sitting at a table.)

AMANDA: Excuse me. Do you have the time?

PETER: 6:30.
AMANDA: Thank you. (A short pause.) What time is it now?
PETER: Its still 6:30.
AMANDA: Not 6:31?
PETER: No, 6:30. Why?
AMANDA: I was just wondering. (A short pause.) Excuse me, can I borrow a pen?
PETER: This is my only one.
AMANDA: Please.
PETER: For a minute.
AMANDA: What time is it?
PETER: 6:31.
AMANDA: Okay, at 6:32 Ill give you your pen back. (A short pause.) Could I borrow some
paper, too?
PETER: Why not. Here!
AMANDA: Thanks. What book are you reading?
PETER: (Becoming increasingly agitated with her.) A book of poems.
AMANDA: Why?
PETER: For my English class.
AMANDA: Oh. Are they any good?
PETER: I dont know. I havent been able to read them yet!
AMANDA: Oh, sorry. Just go back to your reading. Dont mind me. (A short pause.) Could I
look at your book for a minute?
PETER: Why?
AMANDA: I just wanted to see something.
PETER: (Angrily shuts book.) Sure! You have my pen, my paper, so why not, take my book,
too! Anything else?
AMANDA: Would you mind telling me what time it is?
PETER: Its 6:32! Would you like my watch, too?
AMANDA: No, but I said Id give you your pen back in one minute, so here.
PETER: What are you going to write with now? You have paper, but no pen!
AMANDA: Hmmm...Thats a very good observation. I guess Ill just have to wait and write my
paper when I get home.
PETER: Here! Borrow my pen another minute.
AMANDA: Thank you.
PETER: Why arent you writing?
AMANDA: Im reading these poems from your book.
PETER: And what am I supposed to do while youre reading my book?
AMANDA: Hmmm...You could write a letter to someone.
PETER: I could, but I dont have a pen!
AMANDA: What time is it?
PETER: Its 6:33! Do you have a date or something? Meeting someone here in the library?
AMANDA: No.
PETER: Then why do you want to know what time it is every minute?
AMANDA: Because I dont have my watch on. I left it at home.
PETER: Why didnt you bring it?
AMANDA: I forgot. And its about ruined my day. If Im not wearing my watch, its like going
out in the cold without my coat.
PETER: Cute.
AMANDA: Like Im shivering every minute. Burrrr...
PETER: Here! Borrow mine! Please!
AMANDA: No thanks. But what time is it?
PETER: 6:34! Four minutes past the first time you asked me! Four minutes since you talked me
into giving you my only pen, my paper and my book! Not to mention my watch!
AMANDA: (Writing.) Four minutes! Wow! You broke the record.
PETER: What do you mean?
AMANDA: I was doing research for my psychology class. Youre the fastest sucker I came
across. Four minutes. Another minute and I probably couldve borrowed some money from you,
too!
PETER: All that was research?
AMANDA: Yes. Face it, youre a sucker. You should enroll in one of those classes where you
learn to say no. (Stands.) Heres your stuff back. Thanks, I bet I get an A on this assignment.
PETER: Thanks to me.
AMANDA: Youre right. Thanks to you. (Starts off, then returns.) Hey, I hate to bother you
again, but could I possibly borrow a quarter to call my mom?
PETER: Yeah, I guess. Why not? (Hands her a quarter.)
AMANDA: Thanks. What time is it?
PETER: 6:35.
AMANDA: Wow! Only five minutes and he gave me money, too! (SHE exits.)
 GHOST STORIES

CAST: HAROLD and TIFFANY

SETTING: A cemetery.
(AT RISE: HAROLD and TIFFANY enter. Harolds arms are wrapped tightly around Tiffany.)

HAROLD: Are you scared?

TIFFANY: (Casually.) No.
HAROLD: Its all right, Tiffany. Ill protect you.
TIFFANY: From what?
HAROLD: Dont you mean, FROM WHO?
TIFFANY: Is this your idea of a romantic date? For some strange reason, I was picturing a nice
dinner, maybe a movie afterwards.
HAROLD: I like to be different. (Dramatically.) I want you to remember our date FOREVER!
TIFFANY: Believe me, Harold, I will! No other guy has picked me up for a date only to bring
me out to the cemetery.
HAROLD: I know youre scared, Tiffany. But relax. Im here.
TIFFANY: Actually, Im bored, Harold.
HAROLD: It sure is dark.
TIFFANY: Usually gets that way a night, Harold.
HAROLD: And were surrounded by graves! Dead people are everywhere! And maybe theres
even ghosts around us as we speak!
TIFFANY: (Waving.) Hey, hows it going?
HAROLD: Who are you talking to?
TIFFANY: The ghosts. Maybe theyre friendly.
HAROLD: And maybe theyre not! Maybe theyre after us!
TIFFANY: Whatever. Can we go now? Im bored.
HAROLD: What was that noise?
TIFFANY: The wind, probably.
HAROLD: (Grabbing her hand.) Tiffany!
TIFFANY: Would you let go!
HAROLD: Did you hear that?
TIFFANY: Settle down, Harold. Its probably just the ghosts.
HAROLD: The ghosts! Do you REALLY think theyre out here?
TIFFANY: Well, Harold, if ghost would be anywhere, itd be out here. In the cemetery! Where
you chose to bring me on our date!
HAROLD: Did...did you see...see something...over...over there?
TIFFANY: I saw some shadows.
HAROLD: Sh...sh...sh...shadows? Th...th...that means someone is out here! THE GHOSTS
ARE OUT HERE WITH US, TIFFANY!
TIFFANY: Come out, come out wherever you are!
HAROLD: Tiffany, shut up! THEY WANT TO KILL US! THEY WANT TO BURY US IN
ONE OF THESE GRAVES!
TIFFANY: Harold, Im bored.
HAROLD: BORED?
TIFFANY: I know! Since were out here, why dont we tell some ghost stories. (Laughing.) I
bet the ghosts would enjoy that.
HAROLD: Thats not funny, Tiffany!
TIFFANY: Then what do you suggest we do?
HAROLD: Okay, heres the plan. On the count of three, we run back to the car as fast as we
can!
TIFFANY: Im not running! Im not messing up my hair or getting all sweaty!
HAROLD: One...
TIFFANY: I cant believe this. I bought this new outfit just for my date with you and what
happens?
HAROLD: Two...
TIFFANY: YOU bring me out to a boring cemetery where its dark and you cant even see what
Im wearing. Not to mention theres nothing to do out here but walk around and look at dead
peoples graves!
HAROLD: I thought youd be scared. I thought youd jump into my arms and I would save you.
TIFFANY: Please!...Harold, I hear footsteps. The dead people are coming after us!
HAROLD: THEY WANT TO KILL US! WERE GOING TO DIE!
TIFFANY: Oh, brother.
HAROLD: (He jumps into her arms.) SAVE ME, TIFFANY!
TIFFANY: Okay, Harold. On the count of three, run back to the car as fast as you can.
HAROLD: Okay, okay.
TIFFANY: One, two, three.
(HAROLD runs off screaming.)
 THE ZERO

CAST: MOM and SON

MOM: A ZERO?
SON: Sorry, Mom.
MOM: SORRY?
SON: It happens.
MOM: IT HAPPENS?
SON: I mean, it wont happen again. Really.
MOM: Youre right! Because your life is over! As of now!
SON: What?
MOM: But look at the bright side. At least you have a parent who cares.
SON: Terrific.
MOM: And since you wont be able to watch TV, talk on the phone or go anywhere, you can
study, study, study.
SON: Great.
MOM: In fact, this will be fun.
SON: Fun? FUN?
MOM: We can spend more time together. I can even help you with your homework.
SON: Mom, please!
MOM: Itll be like the good old days when you were in elementary. Remember?
SON: Mom, I know my multiplication tables and they dont give us spelling tests in high
school.
MOM: Son, I know that! But I can check your work, quiz you, offer suggestions...
SON: Can I make a suggestion?
MOM: Of course.
SON: Mom, give me one more chance! Please! I promise Ill bring up my grades! And Ill
never, ever make another zero again!
MOM: Nice try, but your chances are up. No more warnings and no more threats. Its time for
your punishment. From now on you will eat, breathe and live for your studies.
SON: But Mom, Ive opened my eyes! I see how important my grades are. And when I look at
that zero, well, my heart just plops down on the floor. It crushes me, Mom. Believe me, itll
never happen again!
MOM: Im so glad. Why, maybe youll even make straight As this next six weeks. Wouldnt
that be a miracle?
SON: It could happen, Mom. I believe it could happen. From now on, I intend to be very
dedicated to my school work. Concentrate in every class, study everyday...
MOM: Im so proud of you, son. Youve finally realized how important it is to apply yourself
and make good grades. My son...soon youll be on the National Honor Society!
SON: Thatll be me, Mom! National Honor Society, here I come!
MOM: Great! Well...go study.
SON: Mom, Im supposed to meet the guys for basketball in fifteen minutes.
MOM: Well, go call them and tell them you cant go. Theyll understand that your grades are
more important.
SON: Mom!
MOM: And if they dont, so what? At least you do! They can just stay outside all day and play
basketball, but you... youre headed for the Honor Society! Im just so proud!
SON: But Mom, couldnt I get started after the basketball game? I hate to disappoint the guys.
MOM: Honey, I hate to disappoint you, but...IF YOU DONT GET IN THERE AND START
STUDYING IM GOING TO SCREAM!
THE END
 THE SURPRISE

CAST: MONICA and BECKY

SETTING: Monicas house.
(AT RISE: MONICA is sitting at a desk or on the floor doing homework.)

BECKY: (Enters.) Im here!

MONICA: Hey, Becky.
BECKY: (Looking around.) Yes its me! Becky. Im here!
MONICA: Arent you in a good mood.
BECKY: Are you here alone, Monica?
MONICA: Do you see anyone else?
BECKY: No, but people could be hiding.
MONICA: Why would people be hiding in my house?
BECKY: Oh, you know!
MONICA: Im lost. Is this a joke?
BECKY: I think youre the one whos trying to tease me. Im here!
MONICA: I KNOW!
BECKY: Monica, quit acting so innocent. You cant fool me.
MONICA: Becky, I honestly dont know what youre talking about.
BECKY: Okay, okay. Ill close my eyes and act surprised. I did get here a little early. (She
closes her eyes.)
MONICA: Are you meditating on our math homework? Is that how you do it? Look at a
problem, close your eyes, and the answer appears in your mind? Maybe Ill try it.
(Looks at math book, then closes her eyes.)
BECKY: (Pause, she opens her eyes.) MONICA!
MONICA: Its not working. All I see is food.
BECKY: (Shakes MONICA.) Open your eyes!
MONICA: (Opens eyes.) What?
BECKY: Where is everyone?
MONICA: Who?
BECKY: All my friends.
MONICA: I dont know! At home probably. Are they supposed to be somewhere special?
BECKY: Yes!
MONICA: Where?
BECKY: Here!
MONICA: Here? Why?
(BECKY hums the birthday song.)
MONICA: That tune sounds familiar. What is it? (BECKY hums louder.) What is that? It
sounds so familiar.
BECKY: (Sings.) Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
MONICA: Becky! Its not my birthday.
BECKY: I know!
MONICA: Becky, youre acting strange. Real strange.
BECKY: Well, forget it! Just forget it!
MONICA: Forget what?
BECKY: You already forgot it, so never mind.
MONICA: Whatever. Whew. Im tired of this math homework. What do you say we go over to
Jonis house?
BECKY: Im not in the mood.
MONICA: Come on. Those walls are closing in on me.
BECKY: No. Im too depressed.
MONICA: Itll cheer you up.
BECKY: I doubt it.
MONICA: Come on. (Hums the birthday song.) Now what was that song?
BECKY: I forgot. So, what are we going to do at Jonis?
MONICA: Oh, I dont know. (Smiling, hums birthday song again.)
BECKY: (Suddenly.) Oh! Oh! So THATS what were doing at Jonis!
MONICA: If you let on that you know, Ill kill you!
BECKY: My lips are sealed.
MONICA: Okay. Come on. Lets go.
BECKY: I just love surprises!
THE END
 LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

CAST: KAREN and TERRI

SETTING: The lunchroom.

KAREN: Do you see Michael?

TERRI: Not yet.
KAREN: Tell me when you do.
TERRI: Karen, I wish youd put on your glasses -- then you could see him!
KAREN: Great idea, Terri. Then Michael would see me!
TERRI: So?
KAREN: So? SO? How can you say SO?
TERRI: So...I think you look cute in your glasses.
KAREN: Thats what everyone says. But Im not that stupid, Terri. Cute is not attractive. Cute
is a dog. Cute is a kid missing teeth. Cute is me in my glasses. No thank you!
TERRI: Let me put it another way, Karen. You look NICE with your glasses on. Nice and
attractive.
KAREN: Yeah, right!
TERRI: Are you accusing me of lying to you?
KAREN: Yes! I know, Terri, boys do not like girls who wear glasses. It makes them look brainy
and nerdy.
TERRI: Thats stupid, Karen. Youve just got a hang up about wearing your glasses in public.
Why dont you at least try it for a few weeks. And wouldnt it be great to SEE?
KAREN: I wear my glasses when I need to see.
TERRI: Only when you have to see the chalkboard. Then you do this! (Mimes putting on
glasses quickly, hands covering her face.)
KAREN: So?
TERRI: So! Youre missing out on life by refusing to see! Have you ever thought about this? A
lot of the boys here at school might be smiling at you when you walk down the hall, but you
dont know it because you cant see!
KAREN: Excuse me! If I were able to see their smiles, theyd be smiling at me because I
looked FUNNY! Not because they liked me!
TERRI: Oh! You make me so mad! (Holds out hand.) Here. Let me borrow your glasses.
KAREN: Why?
TERRI: I want to try them on.
KAREN: (Gives Terri the glasses. TERRI puts them on.) Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! If
only you had a pair you could wear everyday! And Im sure youd wear them everyday,
wouldnt you?
TERRI: (Waving toward audience.) Hi Phillip!...Nice to see you, too!
KAREN: (Looking around blindly.) Where? Where?
TERRI: Oh hi, Danny!...Sure, Ill stop by your table.
KAREN: Where? Where? Wheres he sitting? I dont see his table.
TERRI: Hey Matt!...No, these glasses arent mine. Thanks! (Turns to KAREN.) Matt said I
looked cute!
KAREN: You look stupid!
TERRI: Oh! Theres Michael!
KAREN: Where? Where?
TERRI: And look! Hes motioning for me to come over to his table!
KAREN: You?
TERRI: Guess he likes my new look.
KAREN: But Im the one who likes Michael!
TERRI: Hi, Richard! Gosh, he wants me to eat with him, too! Decisions, decisions.
KAREN: Terri, give me my glasses back!
TERRI: No. This is fun.
KAREN: Now!
TERRI: Fine. Here.
KAREN: (Puts on glasses.) Wow. I can see. And to think Michael mightve been motioning for
me to eat lunch with him everyday and I didnt even know it.
TERRI: Look! Hes waving.
KAREN: Youre right! Are you sure he was waving at me? Theres a lot of people in here.
TERRI: Of course he was.
KAREN: Wow. Im in love!
TERRI: Karen, why dont you go over to his table and sayhi?
KAREN: Do you think I should?
TERRI: Absolutely! He was waving at you, Karen.
KAREN: Youre right. I think I will. Wish me luck. (She exits.)
TERRI: Good luck! ... Whew. Thank goodness I took those glasses off. I can finally see!
 A DELICATE OPERATION

CAST: TAMMY and BRENDA

SETTING: A science room at school.

TAMMY: Im not touching it.

BRENDA: Me neither.
TAMMY: Well, I guess we can fail this test.
BRENDA: You said it. A big ZERO in biology.
TAMMY: I needed this grade.
BRENDA: Me too.
TAMMY: I think were the only chickens in this classroom.
BRENDA: Youre right! Look at Angela and Karen! Theyre laughing about it! Like its fun!
TAMMY: What could possibly be fun about this?
BRENDA: Beats me.
TAMMY: Of all the students in here, I had to get stuck with you.
BRENDA: Thanks, Tammy!
TAMMY: Im sorry, but all year I was planning to let my partner do the dirty work. Id just sit
here, hand you the instruments, and close my eyes.
BRENDA: Unfortunately, we had the same plan.
TAMMY: Mr. Richards must have known. He must have stuck us together on purpose.
BRENDA: Theres no way Mr. Richards couldve known we were both babies about this.
TAMMY: Thats true.
BRENDA: Look Tammy, I know that you have a stronger stomach than I do.
TAMMY: Says who?
BRENDA: You squished that centipede the other day.
TAMMY: With my bike! And that was an accident!
BRENDA: You went back to look.
TAMMY: Because I didnt know what it was! Not because I was interested in a squished
centipede!
BRENDA: Tammy, you do it.
TAMMY: No!
BRENDA: Itll be all right. And dont worry, Ill be right here if you run into any problems.
TAMMY: No way! Not in a million years! I wont do it!
(Suddenly, BRENDA and TAMMY look across the room and smile.)
BRENDA: Yes, Mr. Richards, were doing just fine.
TAMMY: Were just discussing the procedure before we get started.
BRENDA: Thats right. This is a very delicate operation.
TAMMY: (To Brenda.) I think Im going to throw up.
BRENDA: Go ahead. And please...throw up all over the
dead frog so we wont have to dissect it.
TAMMY: Mr. Richards would just get us another frog without
the throw-up on it.
BRENDA: Thats true.
TAMMY: Do you think itll BLEED when we cut it?
BRENDA: Probably.
TAMMY: Its so big!
BRENDA: At least its dead.
TAMMY: Dont remind me.
(Suddenly, BRENDA and TAMMY look across the room and smile.)
BRENDA: (To Mr. Richards.) Yes, Mr. Richards, were about to start.
TAMMY: (To Mr. Richards.) Right now? This minute?
BRENDA: (To Tammy.) Wed better do something.
TAMMY: Yeah, like snip, snip, snip.
BRENDA: Hes watching us.
TAMMY: Do something.
BRENDA: YOU do something!
TAMMY: I cant! Its soooo gross!
BRENDA: (Whining.) Mr. Richards we cant. Its a frog. Its dead.... No, we dont wish it were
alive.
TAMMY: Please dont make us do this, Mr. Richards.
BRENDA: Let us do book work instead.
TAMMY: Please!
BRENDA: (To Tammy.) He doesnt look very happy, does he?
TAMMY: I have to get out of this class! I have to get to get away from this frog!
BRENDA: (To Mr. Rogers.) The office? Youre sending us to the office?
TAMMY: (To Mr. Rogers.) For disrupting the class and not participating?
BRENDA: (To Tammy, smiling.) Yes! Were out of here!
TAMMY: I never thought Id be excited about going to the principals office!
 A WISH COME TRUE
CAST: DARBY and JILL
SETTING: A water fountain.

DARBY: Here goes nothing. (Mimes throwing a coin in a fountain.)

JILL: Make a wish.
DARBY: I wish...
JILL: Not out loud! Then it wont come true!
DARBY: Jill, they never come true. Lets see, I wish...I wish something exciting happens today.
JILL: Something exciting? Youre supposed to be specific. Like, I wish I had a million dollars. I
wish I had a red convertible. I wish Joe Petrosky would ask me out.
DARBY: Like I said, Jill, wishes dont come true. So I thought Id have better luck wishing for
something in general.
JILL: Not me. I believe in wishes coming true. Now its my turn. (Mimes throwing a coin into
the fountain.) I wish...
DARBY: Not out loud, remember?
JILL: I know, I know. I wish...(Smiles.)
DARBY: What did you wish for?
JILL: I cant tell you!
DARBY: Oh, come on! Tell me!
JILL: If I do, then it wont come true.
DARBY: Jill, honestly, do they ever come true?
JILL: Well, you never know!
DARBY: Well, if it does, will you let me know? Or is that against the rules, too?
JILL: What rules?
DARBY: All the rules! The coin has to land in the water or it wont come true. You cant tell
your wish to anyone or it wont come true. Those rules!
JILL: Oh.
DARBY: So will you tell me if your wish comes true?
JILL: Of course.
DARBY: I wont hold my breath.
JILL: Darby, youre not any fun!
DARBY: Jill, youre not realistic. Dont you think that if throwing a coin into a fountain would
make a wish come true, there would be a million people out here?
JILL: Thats because everyone is a skeptic like you!
DARBY: Normal is more like it.
JILL: Dull and boring! No imagination at all!
DARBY: Dull and boring. Gee, thanks, Jill.
JILL: Its true.
DARBY: Can we talk about something else? Please.
JILL: Okay. What?
DARBY: I dont know. How about the play were about to do in drama? Are you excited about
it?
JILL: Im nervous. I cant wait for Miss Kone to announce the cast. Im just dying to know if I
made it!
DARBY: You did! Didnt you know?
JILL: I did? How do you know?
DARBY: I saw the cast list posted outside her room this afternoon. I cant believe you didnt
know.
JILL: I didnt. Tell me, did I get a part? Wait! Dont tell me. Im too scared.
DARBY: Its not scary. Of course I would be scared if I got the lead.
JILL: The lead? I GOT THE LEAD? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
DARBY: Its true.
JILL: Its true! Wishes do come true!
DARBY: What?
JILL: Thats what I wished for when I threw the coin in the fountain! My wish came true! See,
Darby!
DARBY: Excuse me, Jill, I dont see it that way.
JILL: Why not? I made a wish and my wish came true.
DARBY: But you got the part before you made the wish. It wasnt the coin in the fountain that
got you the lead in the play.
JILL: Youre right! It was my talent!
DARBY: Or luck.
JILL: Luck? It was my talent! My charm! My beauty! The real things in life!
DARBY: Oh brother.
JILL: Youre right, Darby. Wishes are silly.
DARBY: Ive created a monster.
JILL: Talent is everything! And if youve got it, youve got it!By the way, what part did you
get?
DARBY: Im on the crew again.
JILL: Oh, Im sorry, Darby. Well listen, Ive got to run. I need to find Miss Kone so I can get
my script. Ive got the most lines to memorize, you know. (Takes a few steps away, then with
her arms out, twirls and sings:) I got the
lead, I got the lead...
DARBY: (Mimes throwing a coin into the fountain.) I wish...Jill would fall on her face. (Looks
over to JILL who is about to exit. JILL trips and falls, gets up and continues singing.) Hey,
maybe they do come true.

LITTLE SISTER
CAST: DAUGHTER and MOTHER

DAUGHTER: This isnt fair!

MOTHER: I dont want to hear it.
DAUGHTER: I hate baby-sitting.
MOTHER: Oh, then why do you volunteer to baby-sit the neighborhood kids all the time?
DAUGHTER: Mom, I get paid for baby-sitting them!
MOTHER: Okay, how much do you charge?
DAUGHTER: You cant afford me.
MOTHER: Try me.
DAUGHTER: One hundred dollars an hour.
MOTHER: What?
DAUGHTER: Mom, face it, your youngest daughter is a BRAT!
MOTHER: I think youre confused. The youngest one is an angel. YOURE THE BRAT!
DAUGHTER: I wont do it.
MOTHER: You dont have a choice. You will baby-sit your little sister tonight.
DAUGHTER: But Mom, you dont understand! When you leave the house, she turns into a
monster!
MOTHER: I dont believe it. I think the only reason you say that is because she interrupts your
phone conversations or TV time when she needs something.
DAUGHTER: Mom, she expects me to play with her the entire time! I hate Barbies, Candy
Land, and stupid puppy puzzles!
MOTHER: You used to love them.
DAUGHTER: Not anymore!
MOTHER: Look, Ill only be gone for two hours.
DAUGHTER: Two hours! This is torture!
MOTHER: Put her in front of the TV.
DAUGHTER: Oh, I try that, believe me I do! But when you leave the house its this...
(Screaming.) You wont play with me! Im telling Mommy!
MOTHER: Then play with her. It wont hurt you.
DAUGHTER: Oh great! Two hours of taking orders from my little sister. (In a baby voice:) I
have the pretty Barbie, not you. You get the ugly one. And you have to be the boy, too. And he
has to fall in love with me cause mines the prettiest.
MOTHER: Surely its not that bad.
DAUGHTER: Do I have your permission to spank her?
MOTHER: No!
DAUGHTER: Put her in the corner?
MOTHER: No!
DAUGHTER: Make her go to her room without supper?
MOTHER: Absolutely not!
DAUGHTER: What can I do then?
MOTHER: Play with her. Keep her happy. Now, I have to leave. Ill try to be home in two
hours, but it could take three or four.
DAUGHTER: Mom!
MOTHER: Have fun! (Starts to exits.)
DAUGHTER: Mom, can I use the video camera while youre gone?
MOTHER: Oh how sweet! Yes, take some darling videos of your little sister.
DAUGHTER: Yes! I cant wait for you to see just how darling my little sister acts while youre
gone. Now this is going to be fun!
THE DANCE
CAST: BRENDA and LESLIE
SETTING: The school gym.

BRENDA: Boys are so stupid.

LESLIE: I know.
BRENDA: Why do they come to these dances, then stay way over there and stare at us?
LESLIE: Are they waiting for US to ask them to dance?
BRENDA: I guess so.
LESLIE: Oh! I love this song!
BRENDA: Me too.
LESLIE: Look. Only five couples dancing.
BRENDA: And everyone else is just standing around looking stupid!
LESLIE: Thanks to the stupid boys!
BRENDA: (Hollering toward the boys.) Are they afraid to ask us to dance, or what?
LESLIE: That we might say NO?
BRENDA: Oh, right! We come to a dance, stand here watching other couples dance, move
around to the beat of the music, and they think wed say no? No thanks, Ill pass. Id rather
watch.
LESLIE: Scaredy-cats!
BRENDA: Babies!
LESLIE: Brenda, I believe its time we took action into our own hands.
BRENDA: What do you mean?
LESLIE: We are going to march right over there, take a look around, pick out a guy, then ask
HIM to dance!
BRENDA: I dont know, Leslie. What if they say no?
LESLIE: What if they say yes?
BRENDA: You go first.
LESLIE: No. We have to do this together. Brenda, this is a dance! I want to dance, dont you?
BRENDA: Yes, but Im embarrassed to go over there and ask a boy to dance.
LESLIE: And theyre embarrassed to come over here and ask a girl to dance. Thats why were
over here and theyre over there. Bor-ing!
BRENDA: Youre right.
LESLIE: Okay, so lets go.
BRENDA: Wait!
LESLIE: What?
BRENDA: First, lets decide what were going to say. Like, Matt, would you like to dance?
Or Matt, on the floor, were going to dance. Or Hey you over there, youre dancing with
me.
LESLIE: Hmmm...Or how about this? See Casey looking over here at us?
BRENDA: Yeah.
LESLIE: Watch this. (Points across the room, then at herself, then dances in place.)
BRENDA: Hes nodding his head! He wants to dance with
you!
LESLIE: Hes walking this way and I never had to say a word.
BRENDA: Leslie, you are smooth!
LESLIE: Okay Brenda, its your turn.
BRENDA: (Hollers.) Hey Matt! (Points across the room, then at herself, then dances in place.)
LESLIE: Way to go, Brenda! Hes on his way!
BRENDA: FINALLY we get to dance!
LESLIE: You were right.
BRENDA: About what?
LESLIE: Boys are stupid!

STUPID LOOKS
CAST: JENNIFER and STEPHANIE

STEPHANIE: Jennifer, what did you do to your hair?

JENNIFER: Cute, huh?
STEPHANIE: Cute?
JENNIFER: Mom always likes me to stay in style.
STEPHANIE: Shes seen this? She approves?
JENNIFER: No, but Im sure shell love my new haircut.
STEPHANIE: Were you scared?
JENNIFER: When?
STEPHANIE: When they cut...or should I say, butchered your hair?
JENNIFER: No! It was exciting!
STEPHANIE: Exciting?
JENNIFER: It was so exciting to look in the mirror and see how beautiful I was becoming! The
new me!
STEPHANIE: So you like it?
JENNIFER: I love it! Dont you?
STEPHANIE: Do you want me to lie?
JENNIFER: No.
STEPHANIE: It looks stupid.
JENNIFER: STUPID?
STEPHANIE: You told me not to lie.
JENNIFER: Well, what do you know!
STEPHANIE: If you want me to, I could get some scissors and try to fix it for you. Even out the
ends. And maybe with some hairspray I could smooth it down some. Or something. Ill try.
JENNIFER: Stephanie, youre not touching my hair with scissors or hairspray! I like it! Do you
hear me? I like it!
STEPHANIE: Okay, Jennifer. Im sorry.
JENNIFER: What a friend! You think my hair looks stupid! Well, maybe I think youre
STUPID!
STEPHANIE: Youre right. Youll be in style and me...Ill look...
JENNIFER: STUPID!
STEPHANIE: Youre right.
JENNIFER: YOUR hairstyle went out months ago!
STEPHANIE: Actually, Im not into styles. I just wear what looks good on me.
JENNIFER: (Laughing.) Please! Look in the mirror!
STEPHANIE: Maybe YOU should look in the mirror!
JENNIFER: You hate my new haircut, dont you? Admit it! You hate it!
STEPHANIE: Im not going to say a thing.
JENNIFER: SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT!
STEPHANIE: Its...its different.
JENNIFER: Maybe I like to be different! Remember the first day of school? I streaked my hair
with washable markers. My hair was red, blue, green, orange...
STEPHANIE: Remember the school sent you home? They wouldnt let you come back until
you washed that stuff out of your hair.
JENNIFER: Oh, and you think the school will send me home to wash my hair? (Laughs.) But
this doesnt wash out!
STEPHANIE: Thats too bad.
JENNIFER: What a friend!
STEPHANIE: Hey, Ill still be your friend. In fact, you may need a friends shoulder to cry on
tomorrow.
JENNIFER: Because you think everyones going to laugh at me!
STEPHANIE: Probably. But Ill be there. Ill help you through it.
JENNIFER: (Begins laughing.) Youre so stupid!
STEPHANIE: Hey, just because you look that way, you dont have to keep insulting me.
JENNIFER: (Pulls off wig.) APRIL FOOL! (Laughing.) APRIL FOOL!
STEPHANIE: That wasnt funny.
JENNIFER: (Laughing.) Yes it was! Come on! That was funny!
STEPHANIE: (Laughing.) Okay, that was funny.

THE MESSAGE
CAST: MRS. HOPKINS and BEVERLY
SETTING: Outside a classroom.

BEVERLY: Mrs. Hopkins, I need to speak to Jeremy, please.

MRS. HOPKINS: Is this an urgent matter?
BEVERLY: Well...yes.
MRS. HOPKINS: Because I do not like students pulling other students out of my classes unless
it is very important!
BEVERLY: Its important.
MRS. HOPKINS: Do you have a pass?
BEVERLY: No. This is my lunch period.
MRS. HOPKINS: Well, young lady, this is not Jeremys lunch period, so I suggest that you visit
with him between classes and not during mine.
BEVERLY: I understand, Mrs. Hopkins, but I need to give Jeremy a message.
MRS. HOPKINS: Hold on. (Turns and screams.) I SAID TO WORK ON PROBLEMS ONE
THROUGH ONE HUNDRED! NOT TALK TO YOUR NEIGHBOR! (To Beverly.) And what
do you need to tell Jeremy?
BEVERLY: Id rather not say. Its personal.
MRS. HOPKINS: Excuse me, we do not make personal visits to classrooms to speak to
classmates when class is in session.
BEVERLY: Mrs. Hopkins, please!
MRS HOPKINS: Hold on. (Turns around and screams.) I SAID TO WORK QUIETLY!
WOULD YOU LIKE FOR ME TO ASSIGN ANOTHER ONE HUNDRED PROBLEMS IN
ADDITION TO THE FIRST ONE HUNDRED? I DIDNT THINK SO!
BEVERLY: If I cant speak to Jeremy, could I at least give him a note?
MRS. HOPKINS: No, you may not. But if this message is so important, you may enter my class
and give Jeremy his message...in front of the other students.
BEVERLY: I dont think I could do that.
MRS. HOPKINS: Okay, goodbye.
BEVERLY: Wait! Wait! Ill do it!
MRS. HOPKINS: All right. Come in. (BEVERLY enters.) Class ... what is your name?
BEVERLY: Beverly.
MRS. HOPKINS: Beverly has come to our class to deliver an important message to Jeremy. (To
Beverly.) Please ...its all yours.
BEVERLY: Thank you. Jeremy, if you dont give back the English assignment that you STOLE
from my notebook,Im going to beat you up!
MRS. HOPKINS: Beverly, are you sure about this?
BEVERLY: I saw him! I was on the other side of the library when I saw him digging through
my notebook. When I came back, my English assignment had vanished!
MRS. HOPKINS: Jeremy, is this true?
BEVERLY: Just try denying it, Jeremy Johnson. Just try it!
MRS. HOPKINS: If theres one thing I cant stand, its a CHEATER!
BEVERLY: And a THIEF!
MRS. HOPKINS: And I dont believe this is the first time Jeremy has copied work that is not
his.
BEVERLY: I worked for three solid hours on that assignment, and if you think youre going to
take credit for my work, YOUVE GOT THAT WRONG! (Puts up her fists.) Because Ill beat
you up first! And I dont care if they do send me to the principals office! Itll be worth it!
MRS. HOPKINS: (Clapping her hands.) All right, Beverly! In fact, if you must resort to
violence to retrieve your assignment, Ill be happy to step out of the room momentarily.
Because see, if Im not here and I dont witness a fight going on, then I cant send you to the
office. (Screams.) BUT I DO SEND CHEATERS TO THE OFFICE!
BEVERLY: Thank you, Mrs. Hopkins.
MRS. HOPKINS: Oh look! Jeremy is waving a paper in the air. Could it be? (Exits for a
moment, then returns with papers.) Could this be your English assignment, Beverly?
BEVERLY: Thats it. Thank you, Mrs. Hopkins. (Looks at JEREMY.) JERK!
MRS. HOPKINS: All right class, back to work. And Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy.... Youre
going to the office.
BEVERLY: YES!
MRS. HOPKINS: I will not tolerate cheating in my class.(Screams.) OR GOOFING OFF
WHEN I SAID TO WORK!SO GET BACK TO WORK!

A DRIVE TO THE COUNTRY

CAST: MARK and JOSH

SETTING: Outside of town, late in the evening.

MARK: Do you think the girls are mad at us?
JOSH: Beats me.
MARK: I thought this was a good idea.
JOSH: Me too.
MARK: A little drive to the country...
JOSH: I wouldve suggested it myself.
MARK: Maybe theyre putting on make-up.
JOSH: In the dark?
MARK: Well, you know how girls are. Theyre always running off to talk about stuff.
JOSH: Except they ran us off.
MARK: Theyre probably sitting in the car laughing about something stupid.
JOSH: Probably.
MARK: I just wonder whats taking so long.
JOSH: Yeah! (Toward the car.) You shouldnt leave your dates standing outside in the cold!
MARK: Maybe theyre nervous.
JOSH: About what?
MARK: About...about...I dont know.
JOSH: Kissing.
MARK: Well, that IS what we came out here to do, Josh!
JOSH: Then why are we standing out here and the girls are sitting in there?
MARK: If I knew, Id tell you!
JOSH: Why dont you go knock on the window and see whats going on?
MARK: Okay. Good idea. (Exits for a moment, then returns.)
JOSH: Well?
MARK: Brooke rolled down the window and said, Go away!
JOSH: Uh-oh. Theyre mad.
MARK: What do they have to be mad about? So we drove out to the country. So what?
JOSH: To kiss.
MARK: We havent even had ONE kiss!
JOSH: At this rate, we wont get one either.
MARK: Maybe theyre just planning a little joke. You know how girls like to do things like
that.
JOSH: Maybe.
MARK: Then well all laugh about it and...
JOSH: And kiss!
MARK: Exactly. I wish theyd hurry up.
JOSH: Me too.
MARK: Can you see anything?
JOSH: Its too dark.
MARK: Whats that noise?
JOSH: Theyre starting your car.
MARK: I guess theyre cold.
JOSH: IM COLD!
MARK: (Jogging in place.) Me, too!
JOSH: (Also jogging.) Surely they wont make us wait much longer.
MARK: Maybe if we start laughing the girls will know were not mad and tell us we can come
back to the car.
JOSH: What do they have to be mad about? WERE the ones who paid for everything tonight!
And WERE the ones who are standing outside in the cold while they plan their little joke!
MARK: Its worth a try.
JOSH: I guess. (The boys begin to laugh.) I dont get it, but Im laughing.
MARK: Who cares? As long as the girls are happy, were happy.
JOSH: Absolutely. Do you have any chapstick? (Suddenly, the boys stop laughing.)
MARK: Some joke that was.
JOSH: Very funny.
MARK: Yeah, very funny.
JOSH: COME BACK!
MARK: PLEASE!
JOSH: YOU CANT JUST DRIVE OFF IN MY CAR!
MARK: They just did.
JOSH: This is great! Just great! Now what are we going to do?
MARK: Scream for help, I guess.
JOSH: (Screams.) HELP! HELP! HELP!
MARK: (Pushes him.) That was a joke, Josh. A joke.
JOSH: Oh.
MARK: Guess we better start walking.
JOSH: Yep.
MARK: This was a stupid idea.
JOSH: Yep.
MARK: Wait! Ive got it!
JOSH: What?
MARK: After what the girls did to us, well show them!
JOSH: How?
MARK: Well, when we dont show up for school tomorrow theyll think that something
happened to us!
JOSH: Yeah, that were dead!
MARK: Didnt survive the walk back to town.
JOSH: Wont they be sorry!
MARK: Theyll cry and wish they could kiss us one last time.
JOSH: Wait a minute.
MARK: What?
JOSH: Do you think well survive the walk back to town?
MARK: Well, look at it this way, either way the girls will be sorry.

A LITTLE EXERCISE
 CAST: CHUCK and DANNY
SETTING: A park.
(AT RISE: CHUCK is jogging in place as DANNY enters.)

DANNY: Nice day for a little exercise, huh?

CHUCK: Yep.
DANNY: But I was just wondering, why are you jogging in place?
CHUCK: Because.
DANNY: Are you trying to get in shape?
CHUCK: Yep.
DANNY: Boy, I need to get in shape, too. Guess I oughta try a little exercise myself.
CHUCK: Yep.
DANNY: Do you jog every day?
CHUCK: Yep.
DANNY: Thats great. You know, youre motivating me to begin an exercise program. Jogging!
Every day!
CHUCK: Good luck. Most people give up after a few days.
DANNY: Not me! When I set my mind to do something, thats it! From now on I plan to jog
every day.
CHUCK: Its not as easy as it looks.
DANNY: Oh, its not that hard! I can do what youre doing!
CHUCK: Good luck.
DANNY: Care if I join you?
CHUCK: Its a free world.
DANNY: (Begins to jog in place.) This feels good...but do you ever move around? (Jogs
around Chuck.) Like this?
CHUCK: Nope, not like that.
DANNY: Have you ever thought about it? (Jogs around
Chuck.)
CHUCK: Not really.
DANNY: Moving around would give you a change of scenery.
CHUCK: I want to stay here.
DANNY: Hey, I know! Lets jog over to that convenience
store. We can get a Coke. Maybe a candy bar, too.
Heck, Ill even buy.
CHUCK: No thanks.
DANNY: Oh, I guess eating junk food was a dumb idea if were both trying to get in shape. Are
you getting tired yet?
CHUCK: Nope.
DANNY: Me neither.
CHUCK: Wait a few minutes and you will be.
DANNY: Not me! I never get tired! Hey, I know! Lets jog over to the tennis courts. We can
watch those pretty girls play while we jog in place.
CHUCK: Id rather stay here. But you go ahead.
DANNY: No, thats okay. Ill stay here and keep you company. Are you getting tired yet?
CHUCK: Not yet.
DANNY: (Breathing heavy.) Me neither. Were doing great, dont you think?
CHUCK: I guess.
DANNY: Yeah, Ive always been a real athletic kinda guy. I can keep up with the best of them.
Why, youll probably quit before I do.
CHUCK: Thats a joke.
DANNY: No, I was serious. When I set my mind to do something, Im telling you, I can
accomplish anything!
CHUCK: Five miles a day?
DANNY: Oh sure! No problem.
CHUCK: Rain or shine?
DANNY: Absolutely! Five miles a day would be a cinch! Hey, I think Ill start doing just that
tomorrow. Up at 6 a.m. and out the door for a quick five miles.
CHUCK: Maybe you should join the track team at school.
DANNY: Maybe I will. Im sure they could use someone like me to take the team to victory.
(Breathing heavy.) Are you tired yet?
CHUCK: Not yet.
DANNY: Me neither. (Stops jogging.) But you know, I hate to overdo it on the first day. I dont
want to get my muscles too sore since Ill be starting the ole five miles a day tomorrow.
CHUCK: No, I wouldnt want to do that. (Starts to jog off.)
DANNY: Hey, where are you going?
CHUCK: My teams coming.
DANNY: Your team? What team?
CHUCK: I was waiting on the track team. Everyday when we jog five miles, I always get ahead
of them. So, I take a break and wait for them to catch up. See ya. (Jogs off.)
DANNY: That was a break? A break? Im exhausted!

DOUBLE DATE
CAST: ANDREW and GRANDPA
SETTING: ANDREWS house.

ANDREW: So, what do you want to do, Grandpa?

GRANDPA: Oh, never mind me. Its Friday night. Im sure youd rather be with your friends
than keep an old man company.
ANDREW: Grandpa, I promised Mom and Dad that I would keep you company tonight. You
wouldnt want me to get in trouble, would you?
GRANDPA: I wont tell. You go on and have some fun.
ANDREW: I appreciate that, Grandpa, but Mom has a way of finding things out. Believe me,
Id better stick around you tonight or itll be.... (Slashing throat with finger.) So whatll it be?
Checkers?
GRANDPA: That doesnt sound like much fun.
ANDREW: Then how about if we watch some old reruns on TV?
GRANDPA: Reruns? Yuck!
ANDREW: Well, I dont know, Grandpa. Uh...how about if we sit on the porch and talk?
GRANDPA: On Friday night?
ANDREW: I dont know. What do you want to do?
GRANDPA: Well, I was hoping for a little excitement around here.
ANDREW: Excitement. Okay...I know! Well go to the Dairy Freeze and get some ice cream!
GRANDPA: Andrew! Dont you know how to have fun?
ANDREW: Sure, Grandpa. Ill take you to a movie.
GRANDPA: (Disappointed.) Great. I was hoping we could cruise around town and look for
some chicks.
ANDREW: GRANDPA!
GRANDPA: Thats what I used to do when I was your age.
ANDREW: Yeah, but...
GRANDPA: Oh, dont worry. We wont tell your parents.
ANDREW: But what about Grandma?
GRANDPA: GRANDMA? Grandmas dead!
ANDREW: I know, but...
GRANDPA: (Looking up.) Grandma would want me to have some fun.
ANDREW: But Grandpa, I doubt theres any...uh...chicks... your age cruisin around town on
Friday night. Theyll all be MY age.
GRANDPA: Thats okay. Well just cruise on by the senior citizens center. Those old ladies like
to stand around outside and talk. Why, Ill roll down my window and holler, Hey Baby, wanna
go for a spin?
ANDREW: You wouldnt!
GRANDPA: Of course I would. Me and my chick can have the backseat and you and your chick
can sit in the front. Itll be a double date!
ANDREW: Oh great!
GRANDPA: Then we can all go the Dairy Freeze for ice cream. Itll be on me. Then you never
know.
ANDREW: What do you mean?
GRANDPA: I still know some hot spots to go parking. Heh, heh, heh.
ANDREW: GRANDPA!
GRANDPA: Come on! Lets go!
ANDREW: Wait, Grandpa! I cant go on a double date with you!
GRANDPA: Why not? Are you afraid Ill cramp your style?
ANDREW: No, but gosh, Grandpa...youre my grandpa.
GRANDPA: So?
ANDREW: So couldnt we play checkers instead?
GRANDPA: Checkers? You promised your parents you would entertain me! That wed have
some fun! I wanna find some HOT CHICKS!
ANDREW: Okay, Grandpa, but if you embarrass me...
GRANDPA: (Swinging his hips.) Look out, ladies, here I come!
ANDREW: Im already embarrassed.
GRANDPA: Its all in the hips... (Puckering.) ... and the lips.
ANDREW: GRANDPA!
GRANDPA: I feel like a teenager again!
ANDREW: Terrific.
GRANDPA: Come on, Andrew! Lets go find those hot chicks! Hey, Ill even give you a few
tips. Your old grandpa knows a thing or two.
ANDREW: Goody. I cant wait.
GRANDPA: LOOK OUT LADIES, HERE I COME!

THE RIDE
 CAST: BOB and SID
SETTING: An amusement park.
(AT RISE: BOB and SID are standing in line for a ride.)

BOB: Are you sure you want to do this?

SID: Itll be fun.
BOB: But the line is so long.
SID: Hey, were half way there.
BOB: (Looks at watch.) That means we have another hour and a half to wait.
SID: Itll be worth it.
BOB: Three hours for two minutes?
SID: Look at that drop! Ill probably close my eyes.
BOB: You wait three hours and then you close your eyes?
SID: Are you going to look?
BOB: I doubt it.
SID: I think the worst part will be when it goes upside down.
BOB: Probably.
SID: Im scared, but itll be fun.
BOB: Fun?
SID: Its like youre moving so fast that you feel like you could fall off and die! But then you
dont.
BOB: Feel like youre going to die. What fun. And the three hour wait for that feeling.
SID: Were not the only ones. I think half the people in this amusement park are waiting to get
onto this ride.
BOB: No one looks very excited to me.
SID: Its the wait.
BOB: The three hour wait for two minutes so you can experience the feeling of death. BUT
YOU DONT DIE, YOU ONLY FEEL LIKE YOURE DYING!
SID: I love it!
BOB: You love it? You really love these roller coasters?
SID: Theyre great! Slowly, its up, up, up.... Of course thats the worst part.
BOB: The worst part? Thats the only enjoyable part of the ride if you ask me.
SID: Well, heres the way I see it. When youre slowly going up, up, up...youre heart starts
pounding because you know whats ahead.
BOB: The drop of death.
SID: And you know theres no getting off. Youre on for the ride.
BOB: Oh, my stomach!
SID: But once you reach the top and you stop for about half a second before you drop, you can
sit back and relax and enjoy it from there.
BOB: Relax?
SID: Theres no reason to worry about it anymore. Youre on, youre at the top, theres no
getting off...its time for fun!
BOB: Fun? So tell me, when that ride goes on that double loop and youre completely upside
down, what goes through your mind?
SID: How I want to get off!
BOB: So let me get this straight. You wait three hours for a two minute ride in which you close
your eyes and cant wait for it to stop.
SID: I guess you could put it that way.
BOB: Ive changed my mind.
SID: About what?
BOB: About this roller coaster ride.
SID: Youre leaving?
BOB: Yep. Ill be over at the bumper cars. Now thats what I call fun.
SID: Wait!
BOB: What?
SID: Its not any fun to ride this alone!
BOB: If you ask me, its not any fun to ride it with a friend, either.
SID: Wait!
BOB: What?
SID: Dont tell me youre afraid!
BOB: Okay.
SID: Youre leaving? After standing in line for almost two hours, youre leaving?
BOB: Yep.
SID: Youre afraid! (Laughing.) Youre afraid!
BOB: (Looks up at roller coaster.) Yep. See ya. (HE exits.)
SID: Wait! I cant ride this alone! Im scared to ride this alone! I dont even like roller coasters
that much! Not enough to ride them by myself! Bob, come back! Bob! (Looking around.) Why
is everyone staring at me?...Okay, get a hold of yourself. You can do this. Its just a stupid
roller coaster ride. (Looks up.) BOB! WAIT! BOB! (Runs off.)

DISCO FEVER
CAST: TYLER and JEFFREY

TYLER: Heads or tails?

JEFFREY: Heads.
TYLER: (Throws coin in air.) Tails.
JEFFREY: Let me see that! (Looks at coin.) I lost.
TYLER: That means YOU have to do it.
JEFFREY: Come on, Tyler. Lets do it together.
TYLER: No way! This whole thing was your idea. You lost so you have to do it.
JEFFREY: Shes going to get so mad at me!
TYLER: Thats the point, isnt it?
JEFFREY: Thats true. Ill teach her a lesson!
TYLER: This is going to be great! I cant wait to see you stroll into the living room while your
sister entertains her new boyfriend.
JEFFREY: My enemy! I hate that Chad Walkers!
TYLER: And what better way to teach your sister a lesson than to embarrass her.
JEFFREY: Michelle knows all the crummy stuff Chads done to me. But what does she do?
Invite him over to MY house so she can sit in the living room and make out with him!
TYLER: Its a sorry stunt, if you ask me.
JEFFREY: So, this is my house, too. Right?
TYLER: Right!
JEFFREY: So, if I decide to go into the living room, turn on some old disco favorites and
pretend that Im John Travolta, what of it?
TYLER: Its your house, too.
JEFFREY: Thats right!
TYLER: This is going to be great! Im going to hide out in the kitchen and watch. (Laughing.)
Michelle is going to die of embarrassment!
JEFFREY: I still say you should join me.
TYLER: But youre the one who said we should flip for it.
JEFFREY: Tyler, we are best friends. Id do it with you. TYLER: Knowing you, you probably
would. You dont get embarrassed very easily.
JEFFREY: And dont you think Michelle would be even more embarrassed if two of us were in
there?
TYLER: I guess youre right. I dont like Chad, either. Hes sorry. Remember the time he stole
your English paper and copied it word for word?
JEFFREY: How could I forget? Mrs. Waters believed I was the one who cheated. Hes a great
actor, thats for sure.
TYLER: Maybe thats why your sister is so taken with Chad. He put on some MR. Wonderful
act.
JEFFREY: I warned her about him. But does she listen to her brother? Noooo!
TYLER: She probably wont talk to you either after what we do.
JEFFREY: Yep. Our little dance oughta drive him away. Disco Fever in our undies! (Mimes a
John Travolta move.) Fever, night fever, night fever...
TYLER: Youre good! Wont you be just a tiny bit embarrassed?
JEFFREY: Nah. My sisters seen me in my underwear before. And Chad -- hes a guy -- who
cares about him?
TYLER: Yeah, but I dont know about your sister seeing me do the Disco Fever in MY
underwear!
JEFFREY: Thats true. You dance with your pants on. Me, its polka-dot boxers and knee socks!
Cute, huh?
TYLER: Michelle will die!
JEFFREY: Exactly. Maybe next time shell think twice about bringing my enemy home to play
kissy face with!

GUESS WHY
CAST: JAMES and BRYAN
SETTING: Outside Bryans house.

JAMES: Bryan, what is going on with you? This afternoon in Smiths class, I threw four
pencils, two erasers and a dozen paper wads at your head and you just sat there. Didnt move.
Didnt turn around. Whats wrong?
BRYAN: Man, what a day!
JAMES: What? Tell me!
BRYAN: I dont even know what to tell you.
JAMES: How about whats upsetting you?
BRYAN: Oh, lets see... My mom grounded me for a week! So...there goes our double date with
Melissa and Rachel this weekend.
JAMES: Whoa! Wait a minute! It may not be a double date this weekend, but Rachel and I are
still on!
BRYAN: Man! After weeks of begging, pleading and practically bribing Melissa for a date, I
have to cancel because Im grounded!
JAMES: What a bummer.
BRYAN: And I hope Rachel still goes with you.
JAMES: Why do you say that? You HOPE she still goes with me?
BRYAN: Well, Melissa said that Rachels mom wont let her go on dates alone yet. So thats
why Melissa agreed to date me because her best friend wanted to date you. But now...since we
cant go, Im afraid...
JAMES: Thanks a lot, Bryan!
BRYAN: Hey, Im sorry.
JAMES: So, what did you do to get grounded for a week?
BRYAN: My mom hasnt told me yet.
JAMES: You mean your mom grounded you for a week and she didnt even tell you why?
BRYAN: Yep. All she said was, Guess.
JAMES: Youre supposed to guess why youre in trouble?
BRYAN: Thats what she said. And Mom looked kinda eerie, too. Smiling at me like this and
saying Guess.
JAMES: What did you say?
BRYAN: Nothing. Shes giving me until tonight to tell her why Im grounded.
JAMES: Man! What if you guess the wrong thing?
BRYAN: Thats what Im afraid of. Ill say one thing and itll be another, then Ill be grounded
for TWO weeks!
JAMES: Man! What if she makes you keep guessing until you get it right?
BRYAN: Then I might be grounded for a year!
JAMES: What do you think it is?
BRYAN: I dont know. Thats why I came over here. I thought you could help me out.
JAMES: Your mom let you come over to my house when youre grounded?
BRYAN: No stupid! I snuck out!
JAMES: Well, no wonder.
BRYAN: No wonder what?
JAMES: No wonder youre grounded.
BRYAN: So, what do you think it could be?
JAMES: Hmmm...missing your curfew?
BRYAN: I was grounded for that last week.
JAMES: Hmmm...not cleaning your room?
BRYAN: Its clean.
JAMES: Think...think...think.... Did you do something bad?
BRYAN: Obviously or I wouldnt be grounded for a week!
JAMES: But what?
BRYAN: What did she find out?
JAMES: Can you think of anything youve done lately that you shouldnt have?
BRYAN: Sure!
JAMES: How many?
BRYAN: One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...
JAMES: BRYAN! Thats a lot of bad things youre doing!
BRYAN: But which one did Mom find out about?
JAMES: I dont know, but if you ask me, you deserve to be in trouble.
BRYAN: James, how can you say that?
JAMES: Well, you shouldnt be doing all that stuff to get into trouble. Your poor mom.
BRYAN: MY POOR MOM? Thanks, James!
JAMES: Bryan, I think you better go home before your mom realizes youre not there.
BRYAN: Yeah, youre probably right.
JAMES: And Ill call Melissa and break the bad news to her for you.
BRYAN: Great.
JAMES: And maybe if I can get Danny to take your place with Melissa, Rachel and I can still
go on our double date.
BRYAN: Danny? Youd do that to me? Leave me at home while Danny fills in for me?
JAMES: Bryan, Id rather you be with us, but...
BRYAN: But Im grounded! AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY!
JAMES: Hey, maybe if you can stay out of trouble you can go next weekend.
BRYAN: Unless Melissa has such a wonderful time with Danny and she insists on the four of
you going again!
JAMES: Well, if that happens, you can bring a different date and we can triple.
BRYAN: Oh goody.
JAMES: So, just let me know.
BRYAN: Let you know what?
JAMES: What you did. Why youre grounded.
BRYAN: I wish I knew why.
JAMES: Hey Bryan, isnt that your mom walking over here?
BRYAN: OH NO! HIDE ME! (Gets behind JAMES.)
JAMES: Its too late. She already saw you.
BRYAN: (Still hiding.) Im dead now!
JAMES: At least youll know why this time.

SNAP OUT OF IT
CAST: SHAWN and BRANDON

SHAWN: What does it say?

BRANDON: (Looking at a letter.) That shell never speak to me again.
SHAWN: Whoa! Shes mad. What was your fight about?
BRANDON: Oh, Michelle caught me in a little lie.
SHAWN: Go on.
BRANDON: Remember last Saturday when I couldnt go to homecoming with Michelle
because I was out of town?
SHAWN: You werent out of town last Saturday.
BRANDON: Exactly.
SHAWN: And what did you do instead of going to homecoming?
BRANDON: I took Ashley to the movies.
SHAWN: Wait a minute! You told me you cancelled our camping plans last weekend because
you had to baby-sit your little brother.
BRANDON: So I lied. Youll get over it and so will Michelle.
SHAWN: Hey, this is great!
BRANDON: What?
SHAWN: Now that Michelle and I are both mad and not speaking to you, I can do something
Ive been wanting to do for a long time.
BRANDON: What?
SHAWN: Ask Michelle out for a date.
BRANDON: What?
SHAWN: I know she likes me.
BRANDON: How do you know that?
SHAWN: She told me.
BRANDON: She told you?
SHAWN: Uh-huh. She said, Shawn, if it wasnt for Brandon, Id go out with you. And now
that shes not talking to you and Im not talking to you...
BRANDON: Youre talking to me! Listen to yourself!
SHAWN: Not for long. Because I cant stand liars.
BRANDON: Shawn! Were friends. You cant do this to me. (Pause.) Lets talk about this.
SHAWN: Theres nothing to say.
BRANDON: Im sorry, how about that?
SHAWN: I know.
BRANDON: Okay, I shouldnt have lied.
SHAWN: So, was your date with Ashley worth it? Lying to Michelle and lying to me so you
could be with her?
BRANDON: Ashley? Shes not talking to me, either.
SHAWN: Why not?
BRANDON: Its a long story. But somehow she found out that I lied about being the son of a
millionaire.
SHAWN: A millionaire! Youve got to be kidding!
BRANDON: I wanted to impress her.
SHAWN: Well, maybe next time youll think twice about telling a lie. In the meantime, Im on
my way to Michelles.
BRANDON: Wait! Michelle wont go out with you.
SHAWN: And why not?
BRANDON: Well, she told me that she liked you, so I...
SHAWN: What?
BRANDON: Told her a few things about you.
SHAWN: Told her a few things about me? Like what?
BRANDON: Well...that you had some problems.
SHAWN: What kind of problems?
BRANDON: But you were on medication and it should be helping.
SHAWN: On medication for what?
BRANDON: Depression.
SHAWN: Thats okay, Brandon. Ill just convince Michelle that shes the one who can cheer me
up.
BRANDON: But Michelle wont be able to help you with your other problem.
SHAWN: What other problem is that?
BRANDON: Your multiple personalities.
SHAWN: You told Michelle that I have multiple personalities?
BRANDON: Well, its true. You get mad like this. (Snaps fingers.) And happy like this. (Snaps
fingers.) Mad. (Snaps fingers.) Happy. (Snaps fingers.)
SHAWN: Youre right, Brandon. So it must be true. So maybe when the police question me
about what happened to you, Ill blame it on Phillip.
BRANDON: Whos Phillip?
SHAWN: (Offers hand, using a different voice.) Hi, Im Phillip. And Im going to beat you up.
Shawns not the fighting type, but Phillip is.
BRANDON: Quit acting stupid, Shawn.
SHAWN: No, Im Phillip. Shawns not here right now.
BRANDON: Im sorry, okay? Ill never tell another lie. Happy now?
SHAWN: No, but Ill be happy when Michelle agrees to go out with me tonight.
BRANDON: Forget it, Shawn. Im telling you, Michelle will never go out with you. Not after
all the bad stuff I told her about you.
SHAWN: Well, Ill just have to set her straight, wont I?
BRANDON: Not if I talk to her first! Ill convince her what a loser you really are! Shell come
running back to my arms!
SHAWN: Ah-oh.
BRANDON: What?
SHAWN: Its time.
BRANDON: Time for what, Shawn?
SHAWN: Im not Shawn. Im Oscar.
BRANDON: Cool it with your multiple personality act. I dont believe it.
SHAWN: Have we met?
BRANDON: Shawn, quit acting so stupid.
SHAWN: Im Oscar, not Shawn. And Im feeling very, very...
BRANDON: What?
SHAWN: Let me just say this. (Cracks knuckles.) I dont believe in words, I believe in action.
BRANDON: (Backing up.) Okay, Im sorry. I didnt really say all those things about you to
Michelle. I just said that so you wouldnt ask her out! Im sorry, okay?
SHAWN: Youre sorry?
BRANDON: (Still backing up.) Yes! Im sorry! Really!
SHAWN: I know. Well, I have to go.
BRANDON: Go where?
SHAWN: To Michelles. Im anxious to tell her about my friend. Well, he used to be my friend.
But hes got major problems! He lies like this! (Snaps fingers.) See ya!
Copyrighted Material. Do Not Copy For Review Only
COLD FEET
CAST: JACK AND FRANK

JACK: Oh no!
FRANK: Whats wrong?
JACK: Look! (Lifts up his shoe.)
FRANK: Way to go, Jack!
JACK: And these are new shoes!
FRANK: Wipe it off.
JACK: Im trying!
FRANK: It stinks.
JACK: Well, I wonder why?
FRANK: Why cant dogs do that somewhere else?
JACK: Where? Theyre dogs!
FRANK: I dont know. Behind a bush.
JACK: Thats where I stepped in it. Behind a bush.
FRANK: Well, maybe you should watch where youre walking.
JACK: I was following you!
FRANK: I hope I didnt... (Looks at the bottom of his shoe.) Oh no!
JACK: You too?
FRANK: I did the same thing!
JACK: You did it first because I was following you.
FRANK: (Wiping his shoe.) Of all days!
JACK: Man, it stinks!
FRANK: Bad!
JACK: We need to find a water hose.
FRANK: We dont have time! The wedding starts in...
(Looks at watch.) In five minutes!
JACK: And we smell like dog poop!
FRANK: We could always forget it.
JACK: We? Youre the one whos getting married! Im just the best man!
FRANK: But its not a real wedding. Just a mock one. Why is Mrs. Edwards making us do this
anyway?
JACK: (Mocking.) To learn the responsibilities of adulthood.
FRANK: This is stupid! I hate that homemaking class. Why did we take it?
JACK: We thought it would be easy. No one said we had to get married, learn to budget money,
cook and have kids!
FRANK: Jack, you stink.
JACK: Frank, you stink, too!
FRANK: It was your idea to walk to that burger joint before class. Now Im going to marry
Becky and shell have to hold her nose.
JACK: (Laughing.) Try not to take it personally, Frank. Remember, this is just a MOCK
WEDDING.
FRANK: I dont care! I dont want to get married! Im too young!
JACK: Tell me about it. I got married last week to Angela. All we ever do is fight over how
many kids were going to have and how to budget our money. Its a pain. A real
pain. Do you think Mrs. Edwards would let us get a divorce?
FRANK: Dont count on it. Shed probably send you to mock counseling first.
JACK: Youre right.
FRANK: You know, if this wedding is supposed to mimic real life, then I say I should have the
option to back out. Not show up.
JACK: Its a thought. Except Mrs. Edwards might give you a zero for the day.
FRANK: Please! I get a zero for not getting married?
JACK: Probably.
FRANK: Jack, we stink!
JACK: True.
FRANK: And I dont want to get married!
JACK: Cant blame you.
FRANK: So Im bailing out! And youre coming with me.
JACK: Where are we going?
FRANK: To my house to watch television. Ill just tell Mrs. Edwards that I got cold feet.
JACK: You mean stinky feet.
FRANK: And I made you come with me because...because youre my best friend.
JACK: Wait! We cant do this!
FRANK: Why not?
JACK: And break Beckys heart? Shes been your girlfriend for six months! Do you think shes
going to be very happy with you if you dont show up? I mean, the girls have been very excited
about this stupid mock wedding thing.
FRANK: Youre right. And if I dont show up for our wedding, Becky will dump me. But Jack,
just the thought of getting married...my stomach hurts, and look at the sweat dripping from my
forehead.
JACK: Not to mention that you stink.
FRANK: (Pushes him.) Hey, you stink, too!
JACK: Ive got it! Lets run to the locker room and grab our gym shoes. Thatll solve our stinky
problem.
FRANK: And what do you suggest for my nerves?
JACK: Take some deep breaths...And repeat after me...This is not a real wedding...This is not a
real wedding...
FRANK: This is not a real wedding...This is not a real wedding...Jack
JACK: Yeah?
FRANK: If I ever decide to get married for real, will you do me a favor?
JACK: What?
FRANK: Knock me into my senses!
JACK: You got it. Come on lets go!