2017425 RockyMusicRockyHorrorShow(1999Script)

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RockyHorrorShow(1999Script)66,508views
CATEGORY:PlayScriptsTAGS:RichardO'BrienRockyHorrorShow

RICHARDO'BRIEN'STHEROCKYHORRORSHOW
Book,music,andlyricsbyRichardO'Brien.

CAST
(Inorderofappearance)

USHERETTE/MAGENTA
BRAD
JANET
NARRATOR
RIFFRAFF
COLUMBIA
FRANK'N'FURTER
ROCKY
EDDIE/DR.SCOTT
4PHANTOMSTRANSYLVANIANS

Notes:

1.UsherettecanbedoubledwithMagenta.
2.Dr.ScottandEddiecanbedoubled.
3.Phantomscanbeincreasedtosix.
Theyareusedonstage&offasbackupsingersaswellasunderstudies.

PLAYSCRIPT
PHANTOMS:(EnterfromAudience.)Welcome,we'regladyoucouldcometonight.

Prologue

(USHERETTEenterswithtray.)

[Song:"SCIENCEFICTIONDOUBLEFEATURE"]

USHERETTE:
MICHAELRENNIEWASILL
THEDAYTHEEARTHSTOODSTILL
BUTHETOLDUSWHEREWESTAND
ANDFLASHGORDONWASTHERE
INSILVERUNDERWEAR
CLAUDERAINSWASTHEINVISIBLEMAN
THENSOMETHINGWENTWRONG
FORFAYWRAYANDKINGKONG
THEYGOTCAUGHTINACELLULOIDJAM

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THENATADEADLYPACE
ITCAMEFROMOUTERSPACE
ANDTHISISHOWTHEMESSAGERAN.

(CHORUS)
(PHANTOMSdotheOohhsetc.)

SCIENCEFICTIONDOUBLEFEATURE
DR.XWILLBUILDACREATURE
SEEANDROIDSFIGHTINGBRADANDJANET
ANNEFRANCESSTARSINFORBIDDENPLANET
OHATTHELATENIGHTDOUBLEFEATURE
PICTURESHOW.

IKNEWLEOG.CARROL
WASOVERABARREL
WHENTARANTULATOOKTOTHEHILLS
ANDIREALLYGOTHOT
WHENISAWJANETTESCOTT
FIGHTATRIFFIDTHATSPITSPOISONANDKILLS
DANAANDREWSSAIDPRUNES
GIVEHIMTHERHUNES
ANDPASSINGTHEMUSEDLOTSOFSKILLS
ANDWHENWORLDSCOLLIDE
SAIDGEORGEPALTOHISBRIDE
I'MGOINGTOGIVEYOUSOMETERRIBLETHRILLS
LIKEA

(CHORUS)

SCIENCEFICTIONDOUBLEFEATURE
DR.XWILLBUILDACREATURE
SEEANDROIDSFIGHTINGBRADANDJANET
ANNEFRANCESSTARSINFORBIDDENPLANET
OHATTHELATENIGHTDOUBLEFEATURE
PICTURESHOW.

IWANTTOGO
ATTHELATENIGHTDOUBLEFEATUREPICTURESHOW
BYR.K.O.
ATTHELATENIGHTDOUBLEFEATUREPICTURESHOW
INTHEBACKROW
ATTHELATENIGHTDOUBLEFEATUREPICTURESHOW.

SceneOne

(WeddingbellsareringingPHANTOMvoices.PHANTOMScreatearchthroughwhichBRADandJANETenter,bothare
breathless.)

JANET.OhBrad,wasn'titwonderfuldidn'tBettylookradiantlybeautifulIcan'tbelieveitjustanhouragoshewas
plainBettyMunroeandnowshe'sMrs.RalfHapshatt.
BRAD.Yes,JanetRalf'saluckyguy.
JANET.Yes.
BRAD.EveryoneknowsBetty'sawonderfullittlecook.
JANET.Yes.
BRAD.AndRalfhimselfwillbeinlineforpromotioninayearortwo.
JANET.Yes,Brad.

[Song:"DAMNITJANET"]

BRAD.
HEY,JANET.

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JANET.
YESBRAD.

BRAD.
I'VEGOTSOMETHINGTOSAY.

JANET.
YES.

BRAD.
IREALLYLOVEDTHESKILLFULWAY
YOUBEATTHEOTHERGIRLSTOTHEBRIDE'S
BOUQUET.

PHANTOMS.
THERIVERWASDEEPBUTISWAMIT. Janet
THEFUTUREISOURSSOLET'SPLANIT. Janet
SOPLEASEDON'TTELLMETOCANIT. Janet
I'VEONETHINGTOSAYANDTHAT'S...
DAMNITJANETILOVEYOU.

THEROADWASLONGBUTIRANIT. Janet
THERE'SAFIREINMYHEARTANDYOUFANIT. Janet
IFTHERE'SAFOOLFORYOUTHENIAMIT. Janet
I'VEONETHINGTOSAYANDTHAT'S...
DAMNITJANETILOVEYOU.

HERE'SARINGTOPROVEI'MNOJOKER
(Bellvoices.)
THERE'STHREEWAYSTHATLOVECANGROW
THAT'SGOODBADORMEDIOCRE
JANET
ILOVEYOUSO.

JANET. PHANTOMS.
OHIT'SNICERTHANBETTYMUNROEHAD. OhBrad.
NOWWE'REENGAGEDANDI'MSOGLAD. OhBrad.
THATYOU'VEMETMOMANDYOUKNOWDAD. OhBrad.
I'VEONETHINGTOSAYANDTHAT'S...
BRADI'MMADFORYOUTOO.

OHBRAD.

BRAD.
OHDAMNIT.

JANET.
I'MMAD.

BRAD.
OHJANET.

JANET.
FORYOU.

BRAD. PHANTOMS.
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BRAD. PHANTOMS.
ILOVEYOUTOOTHERE'SONETHINGLEFT
TODOANDTHAT'S...
GOSEETHEMANTHATBEGANIT Janet
WHENWEMETINHISSCIENCEEXAMIT
MADEMEGIVEYOUTHEEYEANDTHENPANIC Janet
NOWI'VEONETHINGTOSAYANDTHAT'S...
DAMNITJANETILOVEYOU.

DAMNITJANET.

JANET.
OHBRADI'MMAD.

BRAD.
DAMNITJANET.

JANET.
ILOVEYOU.

(Songends.Blackout.)
(BRAD,JANETandPHANTOMSexit.)
(Spotlighton.)

NARRATOR.IwouldlikeifImaytotakeyouonastrangejourney.ItseemedafairlyordinarynightwhenBrad
Majors,andhisfianceJanetWeiss...(twoyoungordinaryhealthykids)...leftDentonthatlateNovembereveningtovisita
Dr.EvrettScottextutorandnowfriendtobothofthem...It'struethereweredarkstormclouds,heavyblackandpendulous
towardwhichtheyweredriving,it'struealsothatthesparetiretheywerecarryingwasbadlyinneedofsomeairbutthey
beingnormalkidsandonanightoutwelltheywerenotgoingtoletastormspoiltheeventsoftheirevening.Onanight
out.(Thunder)Itwasanightouttheyweretoremember(Thunder)foraverylongtime.

SceneTwo

(Soundofacarapproachingthroughastormynight.)
(Headlights)
(Carstops.)

BRAD.Hmmm.
JANET.What'sthematter,Braddarling?
BRAD.Ithinkwetookthewrongforkafewmilesbackthere.We'dbettergoonaheaduptheroadandseeifwecanfind
ourwayback.(Theymoveoff.BLOWOUT.)Ohdarn!Janet.
JANET.Whatwasthatbang?
BRAD.Weseemtohaveablowoutinthefrontlefthandtire.
JANET.Oh...

(Pause.Lightningandthunder.)

BRAD.You'dbetterstayhereandkeepwarmwhileIgoforhelp.
JANET.Butwherewillyougo?We'reinthemiddleofnowhere.
BRAD.Didn'twepassacastlebackdowntheroadafewmiles?MaybetheyhaveatelephoneImightuse.
JANET.I'mcomingwithyou.
BRAD.There'snopointinbothofusgettingwet.
JANET.I'mcomingwithyou.Besides,darling,theownerofthephonemaybeabeautifulwoman,andyoumaynever
comeback.
BRAD.HaHaHa.

(PHANTOMStakeupthelaughterTheyexitwithcar.)

[Song:"OVERATTHEFRANKENSTEINPLACE"]

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JANET.
INTHEVELVETDARKNESS
OFTHEBLACKESTNIGHT
BURNINGBRIGHTTHERE'SAGUIDINGSTAR
NOMATTERWHATORWHOYOUARE.

BRAD&JANET.
THERE'SALIGHT

PHANTOMS.
OVERATTHEFRANKENSTEINPLACE

BRAD&JANET.
THERE'SALIGHT

PHANTOMS.
BURNINGINTHEFIREPLACE

JANET.
THERE'SALIGHT...LIGHTINTHEDARKNESSOF
EVERYBODY'SLIFE

BRAD.
ICANSEETHEFLAGFLY
ICANSEETHERAIN
JUSTTHESAMETHEREHASGOTTOBE
SOMETHINGBETTERHEREFORYOUANDME.

BRAD&JANET.
THERE'SALIGHT

PHANTOMS.
OVERATTHEFRANKENSTEINPLACE

BRAD&JANET.
THERE'SALIGHT

PHANTOMS.
BURNINGINTHEFIREPLACE

BRAD.
THERE'SALIGHT...LIGHTINTHEDARKNESSOF
EVERYBODY'SLIFE

(AlightpinspotsRIFFRAFF.)

RIFFRAFF.
THEDARKNESSMUSTGO
DOWNTHERIVEROFNIGHTSDREAMING
FLOWMORPHIASLOWLETTHESUNANDLIGHT
COMESTREAMINGINTOMYLIFE

INTOMYLIFE

JANET&BRAD.
THERE'SALIGHT

PHANTOMS.
OVERATTHEFRANKENSTEINPLACE

JANET&BRAD.
THERE'SALIGHT

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PHANTOMS.
BURNINGINTHEFIREPLACE
THERE'SALIGHTLIGHT

JANET&BRAD.
INTHEDARKNESSOFEVERYBODY'SLIFE

(Songends.)
(Lightning)

JANET.(Screams)
BRAD.It'sallright,Janet.
JANET.OhBradlet'sgoback.I'mcoldandI'mfrightened.
BRAD.Justamoment,Janet,theymayhaveatelephone.

(PHANTOMSentermimeadoor.)
(Heringsthebell...Noanswer...Ringsagain...Atlastthedooropens.)
(Doorcreak.)

RIFFRAFF.(Lookingpastthemasifforothers,orsomeoneelse.)Hello.
BRAD.Oh:Uh:Ahh:Hithere,we'reinabitofaspot,Iwondercouldyouhelpusourcarisbrokendownabouttwo
milesbackdoyouhaveatelephonewemightuse...?
RIFFRAFF.(Pause)You'rewet.
JANET.Yestherainhasbeenveryheavy.
BRAD.Yes.
RIFFRAFF.Yes(LightningandThunder.)Ithinkyoubetterbothcomeinside.
JANET.You'retookind.
RIFFRAFF.(MimicsJANET.)You'retookind.

(Shutsdoor.)
(Blackout.)

NARRATOR.(Spotlighton.)Andsoafterbravingtheinclementweather,andsomenottoolittletimeitseemedthat
fortunehadsmiledonBradandJanetandthattheyhadfoundtheassistancethattheirplightrequiredorhadthey?There
wascertainlysomethingaboutthishouse(towhich,aflattireandawetnighthadbroughtthem)thatmadethebothofthem
uneasybut,iftheyweretoreachtheirdestinationthatnight,theywouldhavetoignoresuchfeelingsandtakeadvantageof
whateverhelpwasoffered.

SceneThree

(Interiordimlylit.)
(PHANTOMSwandersetwithvariousexperimentalsurgicalelementsiebraininbottle.)
(RIFFRAFFenters,beckonsJANETandBRAD.)

RIFFRAFF.Waithere.
BRAD.(ToRIFFRAFFasheexits.)Excuseme.
JANET.(Lookingaround.)OhBradwhatsortofaplaceisthisI'mfrightened.
BRAD.It'sprobablysomesortofhuntinglodgeforrichweirdosbutyou'reshivering.
JANET.YesI'mwet.
BRAD.Lookfeelthisthere'shotaircomingfromthisgrilleinthewalltakeoffyoursweateranddryithere.I'llkeepa
lookoutfortheundertaker.
JANET.(Screamsassweaterissnatchedfromherbyhandthroughgrill.)Oh!
BRAD.ForGod'ssakekeepagriponyourselfJanet.I'mherethere'snothingtoworryabout.(Shesmiles.)Heredrymy
coattoo.
JANET.O.K.(RIFFRAFF,COLUMBIAandMAGENTAenter.JANETscreams.)Agghhh!!!
BRAD.It'salright,Janet.Excuseme,hi,lookifIcouldjustuseyourphone,we'llmoverightalongI'msureyou'vegota
lotofthingstodoandagreateveningplanned.
RIFFRAFF.Ohyes,you'vearrivedonaratherspecialnight,themasterishavingoneofhisaffairs.
JANET.Luckyoldhim.
MAGENTA.Yeahhe'sluckyI'mluckyyou'reluckywe'realllucky...
COLUMBIA.AllexceptEddie.
RIFFRAFF.SSHHH!!!
JANET.Eddie?

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RIFFRAFF&MAGENTA.SSHHH!!!
MAGENTA.Thedeliveryboy.
COLUMBIA.Hisdeliverywasn'tgoodenough.
RIFFRAFF.Themasteronlywantedtohelptheboybetterhisposition.
BRAD.That'sverycommendable...
RIFFRAFF.Yes,itseemslikeonlyyesterdaysincehewent...
JANET.Where?
MAGENTA.Topieces.
RIFFRAFF&MAGENTA.HaHaHa.

(MAGENTA,COLUMBIAandRIFFRAFFsing,PHANTOMSjoinafterfirstverse.)

[Song:"THETIMEWARP"]

RIFFRAFF.
IT'SASTOUNDINGTIMEISFLEETING
MADNESSTAKESIT'STOLL
BUTLISTENCLOSELY

MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.
NOTFORVERYMUCHLONGER

RIFFRAFF.
I'VEGOTTOKEEPCONTROL
IREMEMBERDOINGTHETIMEWARP
DRINKINGTHOSEMOMENTSWHEN
THEBLACKNESSWOULDHITME
ANDTHEVOIDWOULDBECALLING

ALL.
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

(CHORUS)

NARRATOR.(MR.BASSMAN)
IT'SJUSTAJUMPTOTHELEFT

ALL.
ANDTHENASTEPTOTHERIGHT

NARRATOR.
WITHYOURHANDSONYOURHIPS

ALL.
YOUBRINGYOURKNEESINTIGHT

BUTIT'STHEPELVICTHRUST
THATSTARTSTODRIVEYOUINSANE

LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

MAGENTA.
IT'SSODREAMYOHFANTASYFREEME
SOYOUCAN'TSEEMENONOTATALL
INANOTHERDIMENSIONWITHVOYEURISTICINTENTION
WELLSECLUDEDI'LLSEEALL

WITHABITOFAMINDFLIPYOU'RETHEREIN
THETIMESLIP
NOTHINGCANEVERBETHESAME
YOU'RESPACEDOUTONSENSATION
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RIFFRAFF&MAGENTA.
LIKEYOU'REUNDERSEDATION

ALL.
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

(CHORUS)

NARRATOR.(MR.BASSMAN)
IT'SJUSTAJUMPTOTHELEFT

ALL.
ANDTHENASTEPTOTHERIGHT

NARRATOR.
WITHYOURHANDSONYOURHIPS

ALL.
YOUBRINGYOURKNEESINTIGHT

BUTIT'STHEPELVICTHRUST
THATSTARTSTODRIVEYOUINSANE

LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

COLUMBIA.

WELLIWASWALKINGDOWNTHESTREET
JUSTHAVINGATHINK
WHENASNAKEOFAGUYGAVEMEANEVILWINK
WELLITSHOOKMEUP,ITTOOKMEBYSURPRISE
HEHADAPICKUPTRUCKANDTHEDEVIL'SEYES
OHHESTAREDATMEANDIFELTACHANGE
TIMEMEANTNOTHINGNEVERWOULDAGAIN

ALL.
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

(COLUMBIATapbreak.)

LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

(CHORUS)

NARRATOR.(MR.BASSMAN)
IT'SJUSTAJUMPTOTHELEFT

ALL.
ANDTHENASTEPTOTHERIGHT

NARRATOR.
WITHYOURHANDSONYOURHIPS

ALL.
YOUBRINGYOURKNEESINTIGHT

BUTIT'STHEPELVICTHRUST
THATSTARTSTODRIVEYOUINSANE

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LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN
LET'SDOTHETIMEWARPAGAIN

(Songends.RIFFRAFF,MAGENTA,COLUMBIAmovemenacinglytowardBRADandJANET.)

JANET.SaysomethingBrad.
BRAD.Ah...say,doyouguysknowhowtoMadison?Janetout,out,steptouch,steptouch.

(Beatto"SweetTransvestite")
(RIFFRAFF,MAGENTA,COLUMBIAandPHANTOMSbreakoffandprepareforentrance.)

JANET.Brad,let'sgetoutofhere,itseemssounhealthyhereIwanttogo.
BRAD.Wellwecan'tgoanywhereuntilIgettoaphone.
JANET.Thisisn'tthejuniorChamberofCommerceBrad.
BRAD.They'reprobablyforeignerswithwaysdifferenttoourown,theymaydosomemorefolkdancing.
JANET.LookI'mcold,I'mwetandI'mjustplainscared.
BRAD.I'mhereJanet,there'snothingtoworryabout.

(FRANKappears.)

[Song:"SWEETTRANSVESTITE"]

FRANK.
HOWDOYOUDO
ISEEYOU'VEMETMYFAITHFULHANDYMAN
HE'SALITTLEBROUGHTDOWN
BECAUSEWHENYOUKNOCKED
HETHOUGHTYOUWERETHECANDYMAN
(Spoken)Didn'tyouFreaky.

DON'TGETSTRUNGOUTBYTHEWAYTHATILOOK
DON'TJUDGEABOOKBYIT'SCOVER
I'MNOTMUCHOFAMAN
BYTHELIGHTOFDAY
BUTBYNIGHTI'MONEHELLOFALOVER
I'MJUSTASWEETTRANSVESTITE
FROMTRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA.

LETMESHOWYOUAROUND,MAYBEPLAYYOUASOUND
YOULOOKLIKEYOU'REBOTHPRETTYGROOVY
ORIFYOUWANTSOMETHINGVISUALTHAT'SNOT
TOOABYSMAL
WECOULDTAKEINANOLDSTEVEREEVESMOVIE

BRAD.
I'MGLADWECAUGHTYOUATHOME
AHCOULDWEUSEYOURPHONE
WE'REBOTHINABITOFAHURRY
WE'LLJUSTSAYWHEREWEARE
THENGOBACKTOTHECAR
WEDON'TWANTTOBEANYWORRY

FRANK.
YOUGOTCAUGHTWITHAFLAT
WELLHOWABOUTTHAT
WELLBABIESDON'TYOUPANIC
BYTHELIGHTOFTHENIGHT
IT'LLALLSEEMALRIGHT
I'LLGETYOUASATANICMECHANIC

I'MJUSTA
SWEETTRANSVESTITE
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FROMTRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA

WHYDON'TCHASTAYFORTHENIGHT

RIFFRAFF,MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.
NIGHT

FRANK.
ORMAYBEABITE

RIFFRAFF,MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.
BITE

FRANK.
ICOULDSHOWYOUMYFAVOURITEOBSESSION
I'VEBEENMAKINGAMAN
WITHBLONDHAIRANDATAN
ANDHE'SGOODFORRELIEVINGMYTENSION

I'MJUSTASWEETTRANSVESTITE
FROMTRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA

RIFFRAFF,MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.
HITIT,HITIT

FRANK.

I'MJUSTA
SWEETTRANSVESTITE
FROMTRANSSEXUAL
TRANSYLVANIA

SOCOMEUPTOTHELAB
ANDSEEWHAT'SONTHESLAB
ISEEYOUSHIVERINANTICIPATION
BUTMAYBETHERAIN
ISREALLYTOBLAME
SOI'LLREMOVETHECAUSEBUTNOT
THESYMPTOM

(FRANKexits.TheSERVANTSundressJANETandBRAD.Theyarereducedto50sunderwear.)

BRAD.(AsidetoJANET.)It'sallright,Janet,everything'sgonnabeallright,we'lljustplayalongfornowandwe'll
pullouttheaceswhenthetimeisright.
JANET.Thisisnotimeforcardtricks,Brad,areyousurewe'llbealright?
MAGENTA.(SnatchesJANET'sbag.)Nobags.
BRAD.I'msure,Janet.(ToCOLUMBIA,MAGENTAandRIFFRAFF.)Uh.HithereI'mBradMajors,thisisJanet
WeissmyfianceYouare...
COLUMBIA.You'reveryluckytobeinviteduptoFrank'slaboratory,alotofpeoplewouldgivetheirrightarmforthe
privilege.
BRAD.Peoplelikeyoumaybe.
COLUMBIA.I'veseenit.
JANET.Ishe...isFrank...yourhusband?
RIFFRAFF.Themasterisnotyetmarried,nordoIthinkeverwillbewearesimplyhisservants.

(RIFFRAFFexitswiththeirclothes.)
(FRANKenters.)

SceneFour

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FRANK.Unlockamindunmindalockit'sthesameasthebeginningoftheenddoyoufollow?
JANET.No.
BRAD.It'sananagram,Janet.
FRANK.IwondermayIofferyousomethingrefreshing?
BRAD&JANET.No.
FRANK.No.You'reright,Iwon'thowdelightfultohavefreshfacesaround.MagentaColumbiagoandassistRiff
RaffIwillentertainAhh.
BRAD.BradMajors.
FRANK.BradMajors.
BRAD.AndthisismyfianceJanetWeiss.

(Hepronouncesit"Vice".)

JANET.Weiss.
BRAD.Weiss.
FRANK.Enchanted.Howniceandwhatcharmingunderclothesyoubothhavebuthere,puttheseon.(Hehands
JANETalabcoatandhelpsBRADonwithhis,duringspeech.)They'llmakeyoufeellessvulnerable.Wedon'toftenreceive
visitorshere,letaloneshowthemhospitality...
BRAD.Hospitality!Allwewantedwastouseyourphone,areasonablerequestwhichyouhavechosentoignore.
JANET.Don'tbeungrateful,Brad.
BRAD.Ungrateful!
FRANK.Howforcefulyouare,Brad,whataperfectexampleofmanhoodsodominantyoumustbeveryproud,Janet.
JANET.Yes.
FRANK.TellmeBrad,doyouhaveanytattoos?
BRAD.Certainlynot.
FRANK.Ohwell...(ToJANET.)Howaboutyou?

(EnterRIFFRAFF.)

RIFFRAFF.EverythingisinreadinessMaster,wemerelywaitforyoutogivetheword.
FRANK.TonightBradandJanet,youaretowitnessanewbreakthroughinBiochemicalresearchandparadiseistobe
mine...
JANET.Ohhowwonderfulforyou.
FRANK.Yes.Itwasstrangethewayithappened...oneofthosequirksoffatereally...oneofthosemomentswhen...
everythinglooksblack,thechipsaredown,yourbackisagainstthewall.Youpanicyou'retrappedthere'snowayoutand
eveniftherewasitwouldprobablybeaonewaytickettothebottomofthebay.Andthensuddenlyyougetabreakallthe
piecesseemtofitintoplacewhatasuckeryou'dbeenwhatafooltheanswerwasthereallthetimeittookasmall
accidenttomakeithappen.(AlllookatFRANKinamazement.)Anaccident.
MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.Anaccident.
FRANK.That'showIdiscoveredthesecretthatelusiveingredientthatsparkthatisthebreathoflife.YesIhavethat
knowledge,Iholdthekeytolifeitself,youseeBradandJanetyouarefortunatefortonightisthenightmybeautifulcreatureis
destinedtobeborn.(Music)ThrowopentheswitchesontheSonicOscillatorandstepuptheReactorPowerInput...three
morepoints.

(Thelabhasaseriesofmechanismsthatcanbechangedaccordingtoitsdesign.)
(Thelablightsupinstagesthroughoutthefollowing.)
(3CHORDS1,2,3.)

JANET.Brad!
BRAD.It'salrightJanet.
FRANK.Balls

(3Chords.)

JANET.Brad!
BRAD.It'salrightJanet.
FRANK.Tubes

(3Chords.)

JANET.Brad!
BRAD.It'salrightJanet.
FRANK.Crimps

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(3Chords.)
(ROCKYisrevealedinswaddlingclothes.)
(FRANKdisrobeshimduringthesong.)

[Song:"THESWORDOFDAMOCLES"]

ROCKY.
THESWORDOFDAMOCLESISHANGINGOVERMYHEAD
ANDI'VEGOTTHEFEELINGSOMEONEISGONNABE
CUTTINGTHETHREAD
OHWOEISMEMYLIFEISAMISERY
OHCAN'TYOUSEEI'MATTHESTART
OFAPRETTYBIGDOWNER
IWOKEUPTHISMORNINGWITHASTARTWHEN
IFELLOUTOFTHEBED

ALL.
THATAIN'TNOCRIME

ROCKY.
ANDLEFTFROMMYDREAMINGWASAFEELING
OFUNAMIABLEDREAD

ALL.
THATAIN'TNOCRIME

ROCKY.
MYHIGHISLOWI'MDRESSEDUPWITHNOPLACE
TOGOANDALLIKNOWISI'MATTHE
STARTOFAPRETTYBIGDOWNER

ALL.
(SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME)
(SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME)
(SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME)
(THATAIN'TNOCRIME)

NARRATOR.
ROCKYHORRORYOUNEEDPEACEOFMINDANDI
WANTTOTELLYOUTHATYOU'REDOINGJUSTFINE
YOU'RETHEPRODUCTOFANOTHERTIMEAND
FEELINGDOWNWELLTHAT'SNOCRIME

ALL.
THATAIN'TNOCRIME

ROCKY.
THESWORDOFDAMOCLESISHANGINGOVERMYHEAD

ALL.
THATAIN'TNOCRIME

ROCKY.
ANDI'VEGOTTHEFEELINGTHATSOMEONE'SGOINGTOBE
CUTTINGTHETHREAD

ALL.
THATAIN'TNOCRIME

ROCKY.
OHWOEISMEMYLIFEISAMYSTERY
OHCAN'TYOUSEETHATI'MATTHESTART
OFAPRETTYBIGDOWNER
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ALL.
SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME
SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME
SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME
THATAIN'TNOCRIME

SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME
SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME

(SHALALALATHATAIN'TNOCRIME)
THATAIN'TNOCRIME
SHALALA

(Songends.)

FRANK.Wellreallythat'snowaytobehaveonyourfirstdayout.
ROCKY.Wellnobody'sperfectButIdothinkyoumadeaprettygoodjobofthebodywork.
FRANK.Youaretheresultofmanyhoursoftoilandnowmybeautifulcreatureyou'rereadyfortheultimatetest.
ROCKY.Ohdear.
FRANK.Butfirstmeetthefamily.WellRiffRaffwhatdoyouthink?
RIFFRAFF.He'sacredittomy/yourgenius.
FRANK.Magenta?
MAGENTA.Atriumphofthewill.
FRANK.WhatdoyouthinkColumbia?
COLUMBIA.He'sOK.
FRANK.OK!Ithinkwecandobetterthanthat.Well,BradandJanet,whatdoyouthink?
JANET.Idon'tlikemenwithtoomanymuscles.
FRANK.Ididn'tmakehimforyou.HecarriestheCharlesAtlassealofapproval.Maestro...

[Song:"ICANMAKEYOUAMAN"]

FRANK.
AWEAKLINGWEIGHING98POUNDS
GETSSANDINHISFACEWHENKICKED
TOTHEGROUND
ANDSOONINTHEGYM
WITHADETERMINEDCHIN
THESWEATFROMHISPORES
ASHEWORKSFORHISCAUSE
WILLMAKEHIMGLISTENANDGLEAM
ANDWITHMASSAGEANDJUSTABITOFSTEAM
HE'LLBEPINKBUTQUITECLEAN
HE'LLBEASTRONGMAN

ALL.
BUTTHEWRONGMAN

FRANK.
HE'LLEATNUTRITIOUSHIGHPROTEIN
ANDSWALLOWRAWEGGS
TRYTOBUILDUPHISSHOULDERS
CHEST,ARMSANDLEGS
SUCHANEFFORT
IFONLYHEKNEWOFMYPLAN
WHENINJUSTSEVENDAYS
ICANMAKEYOUAMAN

HE'LLDOPRESSUPSANDCHINUPS
THESNATCHCLEANANDJERK
DYNAMICTENSION
MUSTBEAWFULLYHARDWORK
SUCHSTRENUOUSLIVING
IJUSTDON'TUNDERSTAND

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WHENINJUSTSEVENDAYS
ICANMAKEYOUAMAN

COLUMBIA.Eddie!

(Acokemachineisrevealed.EDDIEisinside.)

[Song:"HOTPATOOTIE"]

EDDIE.
WHATEVERHAPPENEDTOSATURDAYNIGHT
WHENYOUDRESSEDUPSHARPANDYOUFELTALRIGHT
ITDON'TSEEMTHESAMESINCECOSMICLIGHT
CAMEINTOMYLIFEANDITHOUGHTIWASDIVINE
IUSEDTOGOFORARIDEWITHACHICKWHO'DGO
ANDLISTENTOTHEMUSICONTHERADIO
ASAXOPHONEWASBLOWINGONAROCKANDROLLSHOW
ANDYOUCLIMBEDINTHEBACKANDYOUREALLYHAD
AGOODTIME

ALL.
HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

EDDIE.
MYHEADUSEDTOSWIMFROMTHEPERFUMEISMELT
MYHANDSKINDOFFUMBLEDWITHHERWHITEPLASTICBELT
I'DTASTEHERBABYPINKLIPSTICKANDTHAT'SWHENI'DMELT
ANDSHE'DWHISPERINMYEARTONIGHTSHEREALLYWASMINE

GETBACKINFRONTANDPUTSOMEHAIROILON
BUDDYHOLLYWASSINGINGHISVERYLASTSONG
WITHYOURARMROUNDYOURGIRLYOU'DTRYTOSINGALONG
YOUFELTPRETTYGOOD'CAUSEYOU'DREALLYHADAGOODTIME

ALL.
HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

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HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

HOTPATOOTIEBLESSMYSOUL
IREALLYLOVETHATROCKANDROLL

(EDDIEisforcedbackintocontainer.)
(FRANKkillshimviolently.)
(COLUMBIAisdistraught.)

FRANK.Onefromthevaults.(Hetransformshermood.)Columbia
ROCKY.Whydoyoukeephiminthere?He'ssougly.
FRANK.Acertainnaivecharm.Butnomuscle.Wehadamentalrelationship

[Song:"ICANMAKEYOUAMAN"continued]

FRANK.
BUTADELTOIDANDABICEP
AHOTGROINANDATRICEP
MAKESMESHAKE
MAKESMEWANTTOTAKE
CHARLESATLASBYTHEHAND

PHANTOMS.
INJUSTSEVENDAYSICANMAKEYOUAMAN

FRANK.
IDON'TWANTNODISSENSION
JUSTDYNAMICTENSION

JANET.
I'MAMUSCLEFAN

ALL.
INJUSTSEVENDAYSICANMAKEYOUAMAN

FRANK.
DIGITIFYOUCAN

ALL.
INJUSTSEVENDAYSICANMAKEYOUAMAN

(Bandplays"WEDDINGMARCH".)
(MAGENTAandCOLUMBIAgiveFRANKabouquetandveil.)
(PHANTOMSthrowconfetti.)
(Weddingprocessiontakesplace.)
(FRANKthrowsthebouquet.)
(RIFFRAFFcatchesit.)
(Curtain)

ENDOFACTI

ACTII
ENTRAC

(NARRATORentersonlastbarof"TimeWarp".)

NARRATOR.Welcomeback,(InsertCity.).Dopayattention.TherearethosewhosaylifeisanillusionAndrealityas
weknowit,ismerelyafigmentofourimaginations.Ifthisisso,BradandJanetarequitesafe.Buttherearesomewhohave

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afarmorephysicalphilosophythosewhowouldstopatnothingtosatisfytheirbasedesiresItcouldbethatBradandJanet
areamongthosewhoholdthedevil'sreins.

SceneFive
"JANET'SROOM"

(VoicesinBlackout.)
(Actioninbothscenesshouldbeexactlythesame.)

JANET'S.OhBradOhYesYesmydarlingWhatif
BRAD'S.It'sallrightJaneteverything'sgoingtobeallright.
JANET'S.OhIhopesomydarling.I'msofri...(Lightsup.Sceneplayedinsilhouette.)You!
FRANK.I'mafraidsoJanetbutwasn'titnice...
JANET.YoubeastyoumonsterwhathaveyoudonewithBrad?
FRANK.Mmmnothingwhy,doyouthinkIshould?
JANET.YoutrickedmeIwouldn'thaveI'veneverOhmyGodnever.

(FRANKremovescondomandthrowsitaway.)

FRANK.Iknowbutitwasn'tallbadwasit?Notreallyevenhalfbadinfact,Ithinkperhapsyoufounditquite
pleasurableMmmsosoftsosensual.
JANET.AhhnostopImeanhelpIBradOhhhBrad.
FRANK.Shh.Brad'sprobablyasleepbynowdoyouwanthimtoseeyoulikethis?
JANET.Likethis?Likehow?
FRANK.Likethis.
JANET.It'syourfault,you'retoblame...Iwassavingmyself.
FRANK.WellI'msureyou'renotspentyetanditwasanenjoyableexperiencewasitnot?(Lightsdim.)Youdidlikeit
didn'tyou?There'snocrimeingivingyourselfovertopleasureisthere?WecouldtryforanactionreplayOhJanetyou've
wastedsomuchtimealreadyBradneedn'tknow.Iwon'ttellhim,Mmmm.

(Blackout)

JANET.Areyousureyouwon'ttellhim.Ohhh...

SceneSix
"BRAD'SROOM"

(Voicesinblackout.)

JANET'S.OhBradOhyesYesmydarling,butwhatif...
BRAD'S.It'sallrightJaneteverything'sgoingtobeallright.
JANET'S.Ihopesomydarling.

(Lightsup.)
(Sceneplayedinsilhouette.)

BRAD.You!
FRANK.I'mafraidsoBradbutwasn'titnice...
BRAD.Youfiend,youscoundrelWhathaveyoudonewithJanet?
FRANK.Mmmnothingwhy,doyouthinkIshould?
BRAD.Youtrickedme,Iwouldn'thaveI'veneverOhmyGodnever.

(FRANKremovescondomfromBRAD.)

FRANK.Iknowbutitwasn'tallbadwasit?Notreallyevenhalfbad,infact,IthinkyoufounditquitepleasurableOh
sosoftsosensual.
BRAD.AhHelpNostop.ImeanJanetOhhJanet.
FRANK.ShhJanet'sprobablyasleepbynowDoyouwanthertoseeyoulikethis?
BRAD.Likethislikehow
FRANK.Likethis.
BRAD.It'syourfault.You'retoblameIthoughtitwastherealthing.
FRANK.OhcomeonBradadmitit.Itwasenjoyablewasn'tit?Youlikeditdidn'tyou?There'snocrimeingivingyourself
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overtopleasureisthere?(Lightsdim.)Wecouldtryforanactionreplay.OhBradyou'vewastedsomuchtimealreadyJanet
needn'tknow.Iwon'ttellherMmm...

(Blackout)

BRAD.Areyousureyouwon'ttellherOhhh...
RIFFRAFF.(Onintercom.)MasterThelaboratoryisempty.Rockyhasvanishedthenewplaymateislooseand
somewhereinthebuilding.
FRANK.OhWowWhataMmmOhComing.

SceneSeven
LABORATORY

(EnterJANET.)

JANET.What'shappeninghereWhere'sBrad?Where'sanybody?Ifonlywehadn'tmadethisjourneyifonlythecar
hadn'tbrokendownifonlywewereamongstfriendsorsanepersons.
NARRATOR.IfandonlytwosmallwordsthatkeptrepeatingthemselvesagainandagaininJanet'sthoughts,butit
wastoolatetogobacknowitwasasifshewereridingagianttidalwave,itwouldbefollytofightagainstitheronly
chancewouldbetorideitoutadaptandperhapsalsosurvive.

(EnterROCKY.)

ROCKY.Oh!It'syoulookI'mtryingtohidefrommycreatorandhisminiontheyscaremeIfeelthatallisnotwell
here.Ihavebeenthinkingalotabout(Eddie)Ihaveafeelingofforeboding.
JANET.It'salllikesometerribledream.
ROCKY.Isittrueyoudon'tlikemenwithtoomanymuscles?
JANET.Well...
ROCKY.Haveyougotanylipgloss?
JANET.I'mengagedtoBrad,justthesameasBettyMunroewastoRalfHapshatt.ButFrank'skissesoverwhelmedme
withanecstasyIhadneverdreamedofbeforehotburningkissesIcouldseeBrad'sfacebeforeme,andmymindscreamed
No!butmylipswerehungry,toohungryIwantedtobeloved,andlovedcompletelymybodythrobbedexcitedlyOhBrad,
BradmydarlinghowcouldIhavedonethistoyou.
ROCKY.Thisroomisawombtome.
JANET.Yesthereyousee,it'sinstinctiveyoureturnedhereforonethingsecurity.Ohwhere'sBrad?(Shefiddles
withTVmonitor.)Whathavetheydonewithhim?
NARRATOR.Janet'sfeelingsranwildasshefranticallymanipulatedtheselectorswitchontheTVmonitorThescreen
threwupimagesofemptyroomsandcorridorsfinallyshestoppedatFrank'sbedroom.

(SeesFRANKkissingBRAD.)

JANET.Aaahhh!
NARRATOR.Aaahhh!
ROCKY.Oh,youcan'trelyonanyone.
JANET.OhBrad!Howcouldyou?

(Theyallbendovertryingtoworkoutpositiononscreen.)

NARRATOR.Ifoneissufferingfromthepangsofremorseforasexualindiscretionitwouldseemlogicalthatthe
transgressorwouldbesympathetictowardalovedonecaughtcommittingasimilarmisdemeanorButemotionisan
irrationalandpowerfulmasterandfromwhatJanetwitnessedonthemonitorthereseemedlittledoubtthatshewasindeed
itsslave.

(MAGENTAandCOLUMBIAenterandwatchquietly.)

MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.TellusaboutitJanet.

[Song:"TOUCHATOUCHATOUCHME"]

JANET.
IWASFEELINGDONEIN

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COULDN'TWIN
I'DONLYEVERKISSEDBEFORE

MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.
YOUMEANSHE'DONLYEVERKISSED

JANET.
AHA

ITHOUGHTTHERE'SNOUSEGETTING
INTOHEAVYPETTING
ITONLYLEADSTOTROUBLE
ANDSEATWETTING
NOWALLIWANTTOKNOW
ISHOWTOGO
I'VETASTEDBLOODANDIWANTMORE.

MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.
MORE,MORE,MORE

JANET.
I'LLPUTUPNORESISTANCE
IWANTTOSTAYTHEDISTANCE
I'VEGOTANITCHTOSCRATCH
ANDINEEDASSISTANCE

(CHORUS)

TOUCHATOUCHATOUCHATOUCHME
IWANTTOBEDIRTY
THRILLMECHILLMEFULFILLME
CREATUREOFTHENIGHT

THENIFANYTHINGGROWS
WHENYOUPOSE
I'LLOILYOUUPANDRUBYOUDOWN

MAGENTA&COLUMBIA.
DOWN,DOWN,DOWN

ANDTHAT'SJUSTONESMALLFRACTION
OFTHEMAINATTRACTION
YOUNEEDAFRIENDLYHAND
ANDINEEDACTION

JANET.
TOUCHATOUCHATOUCHATOUCHME
IWANTTOBEDIRTY
THRILLMECHILLMEFULFILLME
CREATUREOFTHENIGHT

TOUCHATOUCHATOUCHATOUCHME
IWANTTOBEDIRTY
THRILLMECHILLMEFULFILLME
CREATUREOFTHENIGHT

TOUCHATOUCHATOUCHATOUCHME
IWANTTOBEDIRTY
THRILLMECHILLMEFULFILLME
CREATUREOFTHENIGHT

CREATUREOFTHENIGHT

CREATUREOFTHENIGHT
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(Blackout)

SceneEight

(RIFFRAFFentersfleeingfromFRANK.)
(HerunstowardMAGENTA.)

RIFFRAFF.Aaaggghhh!Mercy!Master
FRANK.(Withwhip.)HowdidithappenIunderstoodyouweretobewatching.
RIFFRAFF.Iwasonlyawayforamoment,Master...
FRANK.Seeifyoucanfindhimonthemonitor.OhMagenta.OhRocky.OhRocky.OhRocky.

(ClickBRAD'semptyroomswitchswitchswitchJANET'sroom.)

RIFFRAFF.I'velocatedhiminthefemale'squarters,Master.
FRANK.Rocky!IthinkI'mgoingto...

(FRANKfaints.)

RIFFRAFF.Faint.
MAGENTA.Master.

(Theylaughastheycarryhimoff.)

BRAD.(Enters,seesTV.)Janet!Howcouldshe?That'sitit'sover.
NARRATOR.Over!Whatwasover?Notthenightthatwascertain.BradandJanet'sengagement?Theirloveforone
another?Whocouldsayforquestionssuchasthesearenottobeansweredbytheacademic,theymustbeleftfortheheartto
solveandBradyoumaybesure,hadplentyofheart.

[Song:"ONCEINAWHILE"]

BRAD.
ONCEINAWHILE
SHEDON'TWANTTOCALLYOU
SPEAKINGONTHETELEPHONE
ANDONCEINYOURLIFE
SHEDON'TWANTTOKNOWYOU
YOULOOKAROUND
THEONEYOUFOUND
SHEISGONE

NARRATOR.
HUMMINAHHUMMINAHHUMMINAHHUMMINAHHUM

(PHANTOMSappearasbackupsingersdressedasJANET.)

BRAD.
ANDTHAT'SALLTHETIME
THATITTAKES
FORAHEARTTOTURNTOSTONE
THESWEETERTHEWINE
THEHARDERTOMAKETHEBREAK
YOUHEARSOMETHING
ABOUTSOMEONEYOUTHOUGHTYOU'DKNOWN

SOBABYDON'TCRY
LIKETHERE'SNOTOMORROW
AFTERTHENIGHTTHERE'SBRANDNEWDAY
ANDTHERE'LLBENOPAIN
ANDNOMORESORROW
SOWASHYOURFACE
ANDPHONEMYPLACE.IT'LLBEOKAY
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ANDTHAT'SALLTHETIME
THATITTAKES
FORAHEARTTOBEATAGAIN
SOGIVEMEASIGN
THATALOVERMAKES
YOULOOKAROUNDTHEONE
FOUNDISBACKAGAIN...ISBACKAGAIN

PHANTOMS.
ISBACKAGAIN

BRAD&PHANTOMS.
ISBACKAGAIN
ISBACKAGAIN
ISBACKAGAIN
ISBACKAGAIN

BRAD.
ISBACKAGAIN

(FRANKandRIFFRAFFenter.)

FRANK.HowmaudlinhowpatheticYourbaggagehasdaredtodefilemybeautifulcreatureOhRockyhowcould
you?
RIFFRAFF.(FiddleswithTVmonitor.)Masterwehaveavisitor.
FRANK.Ohshit.
BRAD.GreatScottScottyDr.EvrettScott.
RIFFRAFF.Youknowthisearth

(FRANKstopsRIFFRAFF.)

FRANK.Thisperson.
BRAD.Yes,Ido.He'sanoldfriendofmine.
FRANK.Iseesothiswasn'tsimplyachancemeetingyoucameherewithapurpose.
BRAD.That'snottruemycarbrokedownItoldyou.
FRANK.Iknowwhatyoutoldme,BradbutthisDr.EvrettScott,hisnameisnotunknowntome.
BRAD.HewasascienceteacheratDentonHigh.
FRANK.AndnowheworksforyourGovernmentdoesn'the,Brad?He'sattachedtothebureauoftheinvestigationof
thatwhichyoucallUFO'sthat'sright,isn'tit,Brad?
BRAD.HemightbeIdon'tknow.
RIFFRAFF.Theintruderisenteringthebuilding,Master.
FRANK.Ahhe'sintheZenroom.SealoffallexitsandalldoorsexceptforthosethatleadhereRiffRaffbring
RockyandJanethereIthinkweshouldmakethisasocialoccasion.Thethreeunexpectedguestsshallentertainuswitha
floorshowwhichIshalldirect.

(FRANKmakesasignalanddooropensrevealingDR.SCOTT.)

SceneNine

(EnterDOCTORSCOTTinwheelchairCOLUMBIApushinghim.)

COLUMBIA.HiHoSilver.
BRAD.Dr.Scott!
SCOTTY.Bradwhatareyoudoinghere?
FRANK.Don'tplaygames,Dr.Scott.Itwaspartofyourplan,wasitnot,thatBradMajorsandhisfemaleshouldcheck
thelayoutforyouunfortunatelyforyouallthereistobeachangeofplansI'msureyou'readaptable,Dr.ScottIknowBrad
is.
SCOTTY.IcanassureyouthatBrad'spresenceherecomesasacompletesurprisetome.Asdoesthesetupyouhavehere
Ididn'texpectittobequiteso...

(Hegoestoinspectlaboratory.)

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FRANK.SophisticatedDr.Scott?OrshouldIsayDr.VonScott?
BRAD.Whatexactlyareyouimplying?
SCOTTY.Theydidn'tprovenothink!Ahthismachinehere...
BRAD.Whatdoyouthinkitis,Doc?
SCOTTY.Atthisprecisemomentit'shardtotellbutitseemstobemadeofametalthatisnotofthisearthIwouldsay
itwasfromanotherplanet.

(JANETandROCKYarerevealedinlab.)
(Thefollowingdialogueshouldberepeatedexactlythesameeachtime.)

JANET.Brad!
SCOTTY.Janet!
FRANK.Rocky!
JANET.Dr.Scott!Brad!
SCOTTY.Janet!
FRANK.Rocky!
JANET.Dr.Scott!Brad!
SCOTTY.Janet!
FRANK.Rocky!
JANET.Dr.Scott!
FRANK.OhRocky.OhRocky!
ROCKY.Pissoff.
FRANK.ListenImadehimandIcanbreakhimjustaseasilyI'llpullhisplugout.
SCOTTY.IsupposeyouintendtodowithusasyoudidforEddie.
PHANTOMS.Sshh!
COLUMBIA.Eddie!
MAGENTA&RIFFRAFF.Sshh!
BRAD.EddieI'veseenhim,helooksterrible.
PHANTOMS.Sshh!
FRANK.WhatdoyouknowofEddie,Dr.Scott?
SCOTTY.IhappentoknowagreatdealaboutalotofthingsyouseeEddiehappenstobemynephew.
BRAD.Dr.Scott!
SCOTTY.Yes,Bradmysister'sboy.Iknewhewasinwithabadcrowd,butitwasworsethanIimaginedaliens.
BRAD.Tellthem,Doc.

[Song:"EDDIE'STEDDY"]

SCOTTY.
FROMTHEDAYHEWASBORN,HEWASTROUBLE
HEWASTHETHORNINHISMOTHER'SSIDE
SHETRIEDINVAIN

NARRATOR.
BUTHENEVERCAUSEDHERNOTHINGBUTPAIN

SCOTTY.
HELEFTHOMETHEDAYSHEDIEDEINSWEITREI
FROMTHEDAYSHEWASGONE
ALLHEWANTED
WASAROCKIN'ROLLPORNANDAMOTORBIKE
SHOOTIN'UPJUNK

NARRATOR.
HEWASALOWDOWNCHEAPLITTLEPUNK

SCOTTY.
TAKINGEVERYONEFORARIDE

ALL.
WHENEDDIESAIDHEDIDN'TLIKEHISTEDDY
YOUKNEWHEWASANOGOODKID
BUTWHENHETHREATENEDYOURLIFE
WITHASWITCHBLADEKNIFE

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FRANK.
WHATAGUY

COLUMBIA.
MADEYOUCRY

SCOTTY.
ANDIDID

COLUMBIA.
EVERYBODYSHOVEDHIM
IVERYNEARLYLOVEDHIM
ISAYHEYLISTENTOME
STAYSANEINSIDEINSANITY
BUTHELOCKEDTHEDOORANDTHREWAWAYTHEKEY

SCOTTY.
BUTHEMUSTHAVEBEENDRAWNINTOSOMETHING
MAKINGHIMWARNMEINANOTEWHICHREAD

ALL.
WHAT'SITSAY,WHAT'SITSAY?

SCOTTY.
I'MOUTOFMYHEAD

NARRATOR.
HURRYORIMAYBEDEAD

SCOTTY.
THEYMUSTN'TCARRYOUTTHEIREVILDEEDS

ALL.
WHENEDDIESAIDHEDIDN'TLIKEHISTEDDY
YOUKNEWHEWASANOGOODKID
BUTWHENHETHREATENEDYOURLIFE
WITHASWITCHBLADEKNIFE

WHENEDDIESAIDHEDIDN'TLIKEHISTEDDY
YOUKNEWHEWASANOGOODKID
BUTWHENHETHREATENEDYOURLIFE
WITHASWITCHBLADEKNIFE

FRANK.
WHATAGUY

SCOTTY.
MAKESYOUCRY

COLUMBIA.
ANDIDID

ALL.
HEYHEYHEY

FRANK.
WHATAGUY

SCOTTY.
MAKESYOUCRY

COLUMBIA.
ANDIDID

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ALL.
HEYHEYHEY

FRANK.
WHATAGUY

SCOTTY.
MAKESYOUCRY

COLUMBIA.
ANDIDID

ALL.
YEAHYEAHYEAH

FRANK.
WHATAGUY

COLUMBIA.
MAKESYOUCRY

SCOTTY.
ANDSHEDID

ALL.
YESSHEDID

SCOTTY&COLUMBIA.
ANDWEDID

ALL.
YESWEDID

EDDIE

FRANK.SayaprayerforEddie,Ijustdefrostedhim.(Hepullsoutabagofbloodandgore.)Hisdestinyisinthebag.
BRAD.Whyyou...
FRANK.(Flicksaswitch.)There,thatshouldrestrainyouall.Magenta.

(Heholdsoutthebag.)

MAGENTA.I'llputhimdownthewastedisposal.
FRANK.Clevergirl.
JANET.Myfeetthere'ssomethingwrongwithmyfeet.
SCOTTY.Mywheels!MyGod!Ican'tmovemywheels.
BRAD.It'sasifwe'regluedtothespot.
FRANK.Youare,soquakewithfearyoutinyfoolsO.K.it'sstartimeRiffRaffsetthesonictransduceronprogram8
securealllevelsatzero
MAGENTA.Relax.
SCOTTY.Youwon'tfindearthpeoplequitetheeasymarkthatyouimaginethissonictransducer!ItisIsupposesome
typeofaudiovibratoryphysiomoleculartransportdevice!
FRANK.You'dbetterbelieveit,baby.
BRAD.Youmean...?
SCOTTY.Yes,Bradit'ssomethingweourselveshavebeenworkingon.Butitseemsourfriendherehasfoundawayof
perfectingitadevicethatiscapableofbreakingdownsolidmatterandthenprojectingitthroughspaceandwhoknows,
perhapseventimeitself.
JANET.Youmeanhe'sgoingtosendustoanotherplanet?

[Song:"PLANETSCHMANETWISEUPJANETWEISS"]

FRANK.
PLANETSHMANETJANET
TELLYOUONCE
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WON'TTELLYOUTWICE
YOU'DBETTERWISEUPJANETWEISS

Y'APPLEPIE
DON'TTASTETOONICE
YOU'DBETTERWISEUPJANETWEISS

I'VELAIDTHESEED
ITSHOULDBEALLYOUNEED
YOU'REASSENSUAL
ASAPENCIL
WOUNDUPLIKEAN'E'ORFIRSTSTRING
WHENWEMADEIT
DIDJAHEARABELLRING?

Y'GOTABLOCK
TAKEMYADVICE
YOU'DBETTERWISEUPJANETWEISS

THETRANSDUCER
WILLSEDUCEYAH
IT'SSOMETHINGYOU'LLGETUSEDTO
AMENTALMINDFUCKCANBENICE

YOU'DBETTERWISEUPJANETWEISS
YOU'DBETTERWISEUP
BUILDYOURTHIGHSUP
YOU'DBETTERWISEUP

NARRATOR.
ANDTHENSHECRIESOUT

JANET.
STOP!

FRANK.
DON'TGETHOTANDFLUSTERED
USEABITOFMUSTARD

(FRANKsignalsMAGENTAwhopullsswitchandreleasesthemasRIFFRAFFspraysthem.COLUMBIAtakesthem
offstage.)

ALL.
YOU'REAHOTDOG
BUTYOU'DBETTERNOTTRYTOHURTHER
FRANKFURTER

(BRADistakenoffbyCOLUMBIA.)

YOU'REAHOTDOG
BUTYOU'DBETTERNOTTRYTOHURTHER
FRANKFURTER

(SCOTTYistakenoff.)

YOU'REAHOTDOG
BUTYOU'DBETTERNOTTRYTOHURTHER
FRANKFURTER

(JANETandROCKYaretakenoff.)

YOU'REAHOTDOG
BUTYOU'DBETTERNOTTRYTOHURTHER
FRANKFURTER
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MAGENTA.(Onherown.)
YOU'REAHOTDOG
BUTYOU'DBETTERNOTTRYTOHURTHER
FRANKFURTER

FRANK.
MAGENTA,RELAX

MAGENTA.
YOU'REAHOTDOG
BUTYOU'DBETTERNOTTRYTOHURTHER
FRANKFURTER

(RIFFRAFFspraysher.Shestopsdramatically.)

FRANK.Columbiatheartistesareinamolecularstatesomewherebetweenentranceandexit.Whenthey'vepulled
themselvestogetherseethattheyarepreparedforthefloorshow.

(COLUMBIAflips.)

COLUMBIA.MyGod!Ican'ttakeanymoreofthis.FirstyouditchmeforEddieandthenyouthrowhimofflikeanold
overcoatforRocky.Youchewpeopleupandthenyouspitthemoutagain.Ilovedyou,doyouhear?Ilovedyou,andwhatdidI
get?I'lltellyou,abigfatnothing.You'relikeasponge,youtake,take,takeanddrainothersoftheiraffection.Well,I'vehadit,
I'moutofhere,andImean.(RIFFRAFFspraysher.)OhwowIdigthatit'swicked,it'sagasI'mgroovyI'mhip,man
it'slikeatripah,wow,myGodfreakoutbabydigyoulater.

(Sheexits.)

FRANK.It'snoteasyhavingagoodtimeevensmilingmakesmyfaceacheandmychildrenturnonmeRocky's
behavingjustasEddiedidmaybeImadeamistakeinsplittinghisbrainbetweenthetwoofthem.
MAGENTA.WhendowereturntoTransylvania?Igrowwearyofthisworld.
FRANK.MagentaIamindeedgratefultobothyouandyourbrotherRiffRaffyouhavebothservedmewellloyaltysuch
asyoursmustberewarded,andyouwilldiscoverthatwhenthemoodtakesme,Icanbequitegenerous.
MAGENTA.Iaskfornothing,Master.
FRANK.Andyoushallreceiveitinabundancecomeourguestswillbegrowingrestless.

(FRANKexits.)
(MAGENTAandRIFFRAFFlookatoneanothertheymakeanextraterrestrialsign.)
(StrobelightBlackout.)
(Spotlighton.)

NARRATOR.Andso,bysomeextraordinarycoincidencefateitseemshaddecidedthatBradandJanetshouldkeep
thatappointmentwiththeirfriendDr.EvrettScott.But,itwastobeinasituationwhichnoneofthemcouldhavepossibly
foreseenAnd,justafewhoursafterannouncingtheirengagementBradandJanethadbothtastedforbiddenfruitThisin
itselfwasproofthattheirhostwasamanoflittlemoralsandsomepersuasionWhatfurtherindignitiesweretheytobe
subjectedto...?Andwhatofthesonictransducerandthefloorshowthathadbeenspokenof?Whatindeed?Fromwhathad
gonebeforeitwasclearthatthiswastobenopicnic.

SceneTen

(Eachenterssinglythroughslashcurtainwearingblackstockingsandsuspendersandblackunderwearandfinallythey
becomeachorusline.)

[Song:"FLOORSHOW/ROSETINTMYWORLD"]

COLUMBIA.
ITWASGREAT
WHENITALLBEGAN
IWASAREGULARFRANKYFAN
BUTITWASOVERWHENHEHADTHEPLAN
TOSTARTWORKINGONAMUSCLEMAN
NOWTHEONLYTHINGTHATGIVESMEHOPE
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ISMYLOVEOFACERTAINDOPE
ROSETINTSMYWORLDKEEPSME
SAFEFROMMYTROUBLEANDPAIN

ROCKY.
I'MJUSTSEVENHOURSOLD
TRULYBEAUTIFULTOBEHOLD
ANDSOMEBODYSHOULDBETOLD
MYLIBIDOHASN'TBEENCONTROLLED
NOWTHEONLYTHINGI'VECOMETOTRUST
ISANORGASMICRUSHOFLUST
ROSETINTSMYWORLDKEEPSME
SAFEFROMMYTROUBLEANDPAIN

BRAD.
IT'SBEYONDME
HELPMEMOMMY
I'LLBEGOODYOU'LLSEE
TAKETHISDREAMAWAY
WHAT'STHIS,LET'SSEE
IFEELSEXY
WHAT'SCOMEOVERME
HEREITCOMESAGAIN

JANET.
IFEELRELEASED
BADTIMESDECEASED
MYCONFIDENCEHASINCREASED
REALITYISHERE
THEGAMEHASBEENDISBANDED
MYMINDHASBEENEXPANDED
IT'SAGASTHATFRANKY'SLANDED
HISLUSTISSOSINCERE

(Bandplaysfanfare.)
(PHANTOMSenterinsimilarcostumes.)
(FRANKmakesspectacularentrance.)

FRANK.
WHATEVERHAPPENEDTOFAYWRAY
THATDELICATESATINDRAPEDFRAME
ASITCLUNGTOHERTHIGH
HOWISTARTEDTOCRY
FORIWANTEDTOBEDRESSEDJUSTTHESAME

GIVEYOURSELFOVERTOABSOLUTEPLEASURE
SWIMTHEWARMWATERSOFSINSOFTHEFLESH
EROTICNIGHTMARESBEYONDANYMEASURE
ANDSENSUALDAYDREAMSTOTREASUREFOREVER
CAN'TYOUJUSTSEEIT
WHOAWHOAWHOA
(Spoken)Don'tdreamitbeit.

ALL.(Sung)
DON'TDREAMITBEIT

(Theyallcometogethertouchingandfondlingoneanother,FRANKinthecentre.)

DON'TDREAMITBEIT

DON'TDREAMITBEIT

DON'TDREAMITBEIT

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DON'TDREAMITBEIT

DON'TDREAMITBEIT

DON'TDREAMITBEIT

(SCOTTYentersspeaksfollowingoverlast2chorus'above.)

SCOTTY.
Hmm...We'vegottogetoutofthistrap
Beforethisdecadencesapsourwills
I'vegottobestrongandtrytohangon
Ormymindmaywellsnap
Andmylifewillbelived

(SCOTTYrevealsstockingsandhighheels.)
(Sings)

FORTHETHRILLS

BRAD.
IT'SBEYONDME
HELPMEMOMMY

JANET.
GODBLESSLILIST.CYR

FRANK.
MYMYMYMYMYMYMY
MYMYMYMYMYMYMY

(Theyallformchorusline.)

I'MAWILDANDUNTAMEDTHING
I'MABEEWITHADEADLYSTING
GETAHITANDYOURMINDGOESPING
YOURHEART'LLTHUMP
ANDYOURBLOODWILLSING
SOLETTHEPARTYANDTHESOUNDSROCKON
GONNASHAKEITTILLTHELIFEHASGONE
ROSETINTMYWORLD
KEEPMESAFEFROMMYTROUBLEANDPAIN

ALL.
WE'REAWILDANDUNTAMEDTHING
WEAREBEESWITHADEADLYSTING
GETAHITANDYOURMINDGOESPING
YOURHEART'LLTHUMP
ANDYOURBLOODWILLSING
SOLETTHEPARTYANDTHESOUNDSROCKON
GONNASHAKEITTILLTHELIFEHASGONE
ROSETINTMYWORLD
KEEPMESAFEFROMMYTROUBLEANDPAIN

WE'REAWILDANDUNTAMEDTHING
WEAREBEESWITHADEADLYSTING
GETAHITANDYOURMINDGOESPING
YOURHEART'LLTHUMP
ANDYOURBLOODWILLSING
SOLETTHEPARTYANDTHESOUNDSROCKON
GONNASHAKEITTILLTHELIFEHASGONE
ROSETINTMYWORLD
KEEPMESAFEFROMMYTROUBLEANDPAIN

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(RIFFRAFFandMAGENTAenterdressedinextraterrestrialnationalcostume.)

RIFFRAFF.
FRANKNFURTER
IT'SALLOVER
YOURMISSIONISAFAILURE
YOURLIFESTYLE'STOOEXTREME
I'MYOURNEWCOMMANDER
YOUNOWAREMYPRISONER
WERETURNTOTRANSYLVANIA
PREPARETHETRANSITBEAM

(Songends.)
(Allfreeze.)

FRANK.WaitIcanexplain.

[Song:"I'MGOINGHOME"]

(FRANKarrangesstagefornextnumber.)

FRANK.
ONTHEDAYIWENTAWAY

ALL.
GOODBYE

FRANK.
WASALLIHADTOSAY

ALL.
NOWI

FRANK.
WANTTOCOMEAGAINANDSTAY

ALL.
OHMYMY

FRANK.
SMILEANDTHATWILLMEANIMAY

I'VESEENBLUESKIES
THROUGHTHETEARSINMYEYES
ANDIREALIZEI'MGOINGHOME

ALL.
I'MGOINGHOME.

FRANK.
EVERYWHEREIT'SBEENTHESAME

ALL.
FEELING

FRANK.
LIKEI'MOUTSIDEINTHERAIN

ALL.
WHEELING

FRANK.
FREETOTRYANDFINDAGAME
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ALL.
DEALING

FRANK.
CARDSFORSORROWCARDSFORPAIN
I'VESEENTHEBLUESKIES
THROUGHTHETEARSINMYEYES
ANDIREALIZEI'MGOINGHOME

ALL.
I'MGOINGHOME
I'MGOINGHOME

(Songends.)

SceneEleven

MAGENTA.Howsentimental.
RIFFRAFF.AndalsopresumptuousofyouyouseewhenIsaid'we'weretoreturnIreferredonlytoMagentaand
myselfI'msorryhoweverifyoufoundmywordsmisleadingyouseeyouaretoremainhereinspiritanyway

(Heproducesaraygun.)

SCOTTY.Greatheavensthat'salaser.
RIFFRAFF.Yes,Dr.Scott,alasercapableofemittingabeamofpureantimatter.
BRAD.Youmeanyou'regoingtokillhim?What'shiscrime?
FRANK.OhBrad.
SCOTTY.YousawwhathadbecomeofEddieSocietymustbeprotected.
RIFFRAFF.Exactly,Dr.ScottNowFranknFurter,yourtimehascomesaygoodbyetoallthisandhellotooblivion.
FRANK.Doyourworstinferiorone.
COLUMBIA.No!No!

(COLUMBIArunstoshieldFRANK,sheishit.)

FRANK.Didyoudothisforme?(COLUMBIAnods.)Sillybitch.

(COLUMBIAdies.)
(FRANKiskilledhediesslowly.)
(ROCKYiskilledRIFFhastohithimnumeroustimesasROCKYattemptstoavengeFRANK'Sdeath.)

BRAD.GoodGod.
RIFFRAFF.Yes.
JANET.You'vekilledthem.
MAGENTA.Ithoughtyoulikedthemtheylikedyou.
RIFFRAFF.(Screams)Theydidn'tlikemeTheyneverlikedme.Yousawthewaythingswerethewaytheywere
going.
SCOTTY.Youdidright.(RIFFRAFFpointsgunatSCOTTY.)Ohshit.
RIFFRAFF.Adecisionhastobemade.
SCOTTY.You'reO.K.byme.
RIFFRAFF.Dr.ScottI'msorryaboutyournephew.
SCOTTY.YesPerhapsit'sforthebest.
RIFFRAFF.Youshouldleavenow,Dr.Scott,whileitisstillpossible.Weareabouttobeamtheentirehousebacktothe
planetoftranssexual
MAGENTA.InthegalaxyofTransylvania.
RIFFRAFF.Gonow.

(BRAD,JANETandDR.SCOTTexit.)

SCOTTY.(Astheyleave.)Janet,schnell...Brad.
RIFFRAFF.Ournoblemissionisalmostcompletedmymostbeautifulsister,andsoonweshallreturntotheMoon
drenchedshoresofourbelovedplanet.
MAGENTA.Ah...SweetTranssexual,LandofNight,tosinganddanceoncemoretoyourdarkrefrain,totakethatstep
...totheRIGHT.
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(Theydoso.)

RIFFRAFF.Butit'sthepelvicthrust.
PHANTOMS.Thatreallydrivesyouinsane.

(Theypreparetoleave.)

MAGENTA.AndourworldwilldotheTimeWarpagain.
RIFFRAFF.Activatethetransitcrystal.

(Explosion.Blackout.)
(Lightsuponremainsofhouse.)
(BRADfoundinspotlight.)

[Song:"SUPERHEROES"]

BRAD.
I'VEDONEALOT
GODKNOWSI'VETRIED
TOFINDTHETRUTH
I'VEEVENLIED
BUTALLIKNOW
ISDOWNINSIDE

PHANTOMS.
I'MBLEEDING

(JANETenters.)

JANET.
ANDSUPERHEROES
COMETOFEAST
TOTASTETHEFLESH
NOTYETDECEASED
ANDALLIKNOW
ISSTILLTHEBEAST

PHANTOMS.
ISFEEDING

AHHHAHHH

(FourtimesChant.)
(BRADandJANETleftinshadowyspotlight.)

NARRATOR.
ANDCRAWLINGONTHEPLANET'SFACE
SOMEINSECTSCALLEDTHEHUMANRACE
LOSTINTIME
ANDLOSTINSPACE

PHANTOMS.
ANDMEANING

(Songends.)
(Blackout)

EPILOGUE

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[Reprise:"SCIENCEFICTIONDOUBLEFEATURE"]

USHERETTE.
SCIENCEFICTIONDOUBLEFEATURE
FRANKHASBUILTANDLOSTHISCREATURE
DARKNESSHASCONQUEREDBRADANDJANET
THESERVANTSGONETOADISTANTPLANET
OHATTHELATENIGHTDOUBLEFEATURE
PICTURESHOWIWANTTOGOOHH
TOTHELATENIGHTDOUBLEFEATUREPICTURESHOW

(MR.BASSMAN'svoice.)

DOLANGDOOLANG

THEEND

(Blackout)

ObscureDistortedInstrumentsAndImagery

Copyright19972017ShawnMcHorse.Sendcommentstoshawn@rockymusic.org.

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