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Breaking News!

Plankton was caught trying to steal the

Krabby Patty formula again. This time
he didn't do it alone though. He had the
help from Anti-Cosmo.
Apparently Anti-Cosmo
followed Timmy and his fairly odd
parents when they went deep sea
THIS
diving andJUST
somehowIN! ended up in the
TheBottom.
Bikini cast of That
Fresh is Prince of Bel Air during their
where Plankton
andrecent reunion
Anti-Cosmo announced
met. that they will be
Plankton asked
appearingwith
Anti-Cosmo in the
helpfamously
on stealingknown
the reality TV
show
secret The Real
formula for theWorld,
Krabbybut thisbuttime the series has
Patty
theadded
only waya second
he would "famous family"
help would be which is the cast
from "Fuller
if Plankton helpedHouse."
him out. The show location is yet to
Everything
wasbegoing
announced
as planned butuntil
there are rumors
Timmy and that it will be
hisinfairly
Lasodd Vegas! It will
parents foundbeout
interesting
and to see the
things
alerted Mr.that will
Krabs andstir up. Will Smith says he is
SpongeBob.
excited
When they for thistried
finally newtoadventure.
steal the There are many
people
secret formulalooking forward
they were both to this TV show. The
caught.
show is set
Anti-Cosmo wastotaken
premiere January
by Jorgen and 2018.
is now being held captive in the jail-Yitzel in Guzman
Hes mine!
In a strange turn of events, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were caught getting cozy in the New York
hot spot, 1 OAK. Things got even more interesting as the paparazzi captured video of Angelina Jolie
and the couple bumping into each other! Let the hair pulling begin! Everything seemed okay until
Jennifer threw a punch at her lovers former flame. Angelina brought her Lara Croft/Mrs. Smith
training forward and showed Jennifer who was boss. The fight lasted a full 20 mins before it was
stopped by the clubs security. Talk about Fight Club, where was Brad? In the first Uber to come his
way! What a nightmare!
-Natalie Martinez
1
1
We have officially confirmed that Will Smith
aka The Fresh Prince of Bel Air will be
moving in with his distant cousins, the
Kardashian-Jenners. Sources have
established that Smith has been kicked out of
his uncle and guardian Phillip Banks house
once and for all, Banks sent out this official
comment this morning, My family and I
have had quite enough of Wills behavior. He
brought home a donkey, destroyed the entire
upstairs floor, and recently signed me up to
be the new face, or head, of Rogaine. It is
fair to say that we have had our fair share of
Will. My family and I have decided that his
time would best be spent with his cousins
Kimberly, Khloe, and Kourtney. We hope
that he does well with them. Our
investigators have yet to hear from Smith,
but have recently reached out to the
Kardashian-Jenners, and managed to get this
statement from Kourtney, Yeah, I mean, you
know, family is number one, family comes
first, you know. And, well, our attorney
reached out to Phillip and he recommended a
top-notch insurance so you know I think
well be covered. And well, family always
comes first so we are going to love having
even more family around us. Im sure that
Wayne will have a great time here.
UPDATE: Since Will Smiths move into the
Kardashian household one week ago, we
have finally been able to get a quote from
Smith. Our reporters interviewed him about
his time at the house, with which he had this
to say, Well, um, you know, Im feeling
great. Im on an all liquid kale diet and I feel
amazing, bible. Yeah, Ive lost five pounds;
its amazing its like magic. But Ive been
religiously using my waste trainer so Ill
keep those curves. Oh, yeah and Kylie
helped me out with starting my own makeup
line so keep on the lookout for Wills
Wonderland Collection. According to our
sources, Will is happier, and tanner, than
ever.
-Sahar Kanfi
Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron
Weasley were being chased by death eaters. As
a last resort, they apparated. However, during
the apparition, something went wrong and they
were all succumbed to darkness. When they
came to, they found themselves in a cabin with
a few strangers. Will Solace, son of Apollo,
went to check on Ron. While, Annabeth
Chase, daughter of Athena, went to Hermione
and Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon, went to
Harry. Each half-blood told the wizard that
they attended to that they were safe and that
they dropped from the sky out of nowhere.
They go on to ask the wizards if they knew
who their godly parent is. The wizards get
confused and state that they are wizards. At
that moment, Chiron, the activities director,
comes into the cabin, obviously hearing what
the young wizards said and said, You three
should not be here, this is a bad omen." "What
is it Chiron?" Annabeth asked. "This could
possibly mean the end of our worlds."
What is Chiron talking about? Will it really be
Billionaire celebrity Elon Musk Bought the
Moon yesterday.
Believe or not. Elon Musk did it. After 4 years
of secret negotiations with all the world
leaders, Musk finally accomplished the deal.
He is now the owner of the Moon, SpaceX,
PayPal, Tesla, and Hyperloop.
For the next 2 years Musk is planning to do 12
cargo flights to the moon. Also he is planning
to move the Moon to Mars when he moves
there. This sounds like Science Fiction but it is
2
 From Bad to Worse: Gilligan's Escape
from Safety
Shes known almost everywhere in the
world. Her fans call her: Bee, Mothe, In recent news, the 7 castaways stranded on
Juju, Sasha Fierce, or Queen B. Yes, what is known as Gilligan's Island recently
everyone, its Beyonce. Everyone probably made another daring attempt to escape the
already knows that Queen B has been island by means of a makeshift boat.
quite pregnant with her twins. Though her Unfortunately, they encountered another severe
belly is swollen, our Queen is still looking From
stormComedy
and we sentto Technology
off course and became
good. How does she do it? Well, LV Journal stranded on another strange island. To their
were able to catch up with Yonce a few days misfortune, this island had a bit more danger
ago and she has blessed us with a few than their precious one. A plane, Flight 815
minutes to answer some questions on how Breaking!
from Sydney to Los Angeles, had crashed with
she keeps up with her looks while being onlySeinfeld
around 70 survivors on thatKramer
same island.
Jerry along with Cosmo have
pregnant. The secret is: ketchup and Thespotted
castaways of Gilligan's Island
been on the set of Shark Tankencountered
looking to
placenta. With our journalist mouth agape, Jackie Sheperd,
pitch their idea forKate
a newAustin, and
type of Hugo Reyes,
computer. When
I was able to get a hold of myself and ask as well
asked howasthey
numerous
came upothers
withstranded.
this idea The
Jerry
how and why. She says that its not for castawaysthatarewith
sureKramers
in for a surprise nowboxthat
responded out of the
eating, but as a face and belly mask. they'veand
left my
the observation
relative safety
thinking of of their island
everyday thingsand
it
Apparently, ketchup and placenta are good
was a match made in heaven. Both Jerry and
for collagen and toning of the skin. If I may
Kramer have stated they will no longer pursue
say so, that is some freaky skin regime, but if
comedy and instead want to focus on using
Queen B says so, well I guess Ill have to as
technology to make the world a better place.
Outside sources reveal that Jerry and Kramer
received no offers from the Sharks and are looking
to pitch their idea elsewhere. 3
 Betty White was found leaving
a well-known Los Angeles
night club, The Mint, late
Wednesday night with a
mystery man. Sources close to
White have name-dropped a
few potential bachelors. These
bachelors include Matt Damon,
Christian Bale, and James
Franco. Whites reps were hard
to reach at first but we were
told that we got an exclusive
comment from White herself. I
woke up one morning about 2
weeks ago and felt younger
than I have ever before! I may
be 95 but my age isnt going to
ATTENTION! stop me from shaking my new
hips out on the dance floor with
Peggy Bundy was formally pronounced dead at 3:12pm on these young whipper snappers
Sunday afternoon in her extremely, overwhelmingly, very into the early mornings!
humble Chicago abode. Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy, court According to sources close to
appointed doctor (because the Bundys couldnt afford one) White, she believes that it's
ruled that the cause of death was aerosol. Following the "never too late to be young,
loss of this very red rose, host of The Bachelor, Chris wild, and free!" These sources
Harrison, offers Al Bundy another one. During Peggy's are not sure which young
celebration of life at the local nudy bar, Harrison gentleman she has been
approaches Mr. Bundy with an offer to be on The hanging around with lately but
Bachelors special female celebrity edition. Some of the they wouldn't be surprised if it
ladies competing include; Gloria Delgado-Pritchett, were all 3 of them. Betty White,
Jasmine from Als local nudy bar, and three time runner thanks for showing us that age
up, Taylor Swift!

-Serenity Martinie