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November24,2014

7WaysToSpotAFakeFriend
AdrianManuel

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Bridesmaids/Amazon.com.

Friendshipisalotlikefallinginlove.Youmeetsomeone.Youfindthatyoutwohavethesameinterests(Youlikecoffee?No
way!Metoo!)andyouhititofffromthere,fancyingyourselvesasaninseparableduo.LikeBatmanandRobin.Twopeasina
Batpod.Whatweseemtoforgetalongthewayisthatfriendshipisbasedongiveandtake.Youdosomething,andtheother
returnsthesentiment.Notoutofobligation,butbecausetheresamutualunderstanding,asharedconfidencethatyoulldo
anythingforeachother.Itsawonderfulfeeling,thatsenseofsecurity,support,andstructure.

Butwhathappenswhenthegiveandtakestopsandsuddenlyitsjusttaketaketake?Whenthesupportcavesinandthe
structurebeginstofeelmorelikeshackles?Thatisafriendshipthatsnotworththeeffort.Toputitsimply,youvegotafake
friendonyourhands.Everyonehascomeacrossafakefriendatsomepointintheirlives.Theymayevenbestandingnextto
youandyoudontevenknowit.Luckyforyou,therearewarningsignstolookoutfor

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1.Theymakeyoufeelguiltyfornothangingoutwiththem.

Howcomewedonthangoutanymore?Whyarentyouinmylife?Soundfamiliar?Thosenagging,needy,andselfish
questionsdesignedtoputyouonthespot.Theyenjoydoingthismorethanyouthink.Theywatchasyoufumbleforanexcuse.
Andtheyknowtheyvegotyouoncetheyhearyourinevitableadmissionthatperhaps,yes,theywereright,thatyoutwo
shouldbehangingoutmoreoften.Imheretotellyoutostop.Dontgiveintotheguilttrip.Irepeat,doNOTgivein.Itsa
stringthatfakefriendshavenoprobleminpulling,whichmakesyoutheirpuppet.Ifyoufindyourselfinthispositiontimeand
timeagain,itsprobablytimethatyoucutthemloose.Afterall,theresareasonwhyyoutwostoppedhangingoutinthefirst
place.Perhapsyoushouldremindthem.

2.Theyconstantlymakepromisestheycanneverkeep.

Soletssayyoudochoosetohangoutwiththem.Yourfriendsaysthatheorshewilltotallygo(probablybecausetheirbetter
plansfellthrough).Buttheydontstopthere.Theypromisetoplantheoccasionwithyou!Ohhowfunthatsounds!Atfirst.
Then,timegoesby.Youdonthearfromthem.Suddenly,youreleftplanningtheentireshindigbyyourself.Totopitalloff,
theydontevenshowup.Now,theymayhatehearingexcusesbuttheyhavenoproblemcomingupwithafewoftheirown.
Andtheyalwaysseemtohavetheperfectalibi(albeitanoverlyexaggeratedone)becausetheydontwanttotake
responsibilityorfeelguilty.Afterwards,theyleaveyouwitha,Nexttime,Ipromise!Youmightaswellstareatanempty
seat.Thatsalltheylleverbe.

3.Theyexpectyoutodropeverythingsoyoucancatertotheirneeds.

Evergetthosecompulsivetextsaskingforyourhelpandtheydbelikesogratefulifyoudid,likeOMG.Letsbeclear:you
oftendohelpthem.Therearetimes,however,whenyoucant.Becauseyouhavealifetoo,andyourlifedoesntrevolve
aroundtheirs.Butnomatterwhatyouhaveonyourplate,theirsituationalwaysseemstobefarmoreimportant.Itisabsolute
hellifyoudosuccumbtotheirneedsbecausethentheymaketheirproblemsyourown.Itsastressdump,really.Theyseethat
youvegotyourlifefiguredoutandtheywantyoutodothesameforthem.Thus,theyrenotreallyseekingtochillorhang
out.Itsjustconvenientforthembecausetheyneedyoutofixsomething.Heresarealitycheckwerealladultshere.Weve
gotourownthingstodealwith,ourownproblemstomicromanage.Sure,friendshelpeachotherout.Butyoucantbe
expectedtodosoallthetime.Ifthatssomethingtheycantunderstand,thentheyareblindedbytheirownselfimportance,
whichisntanidealingredientforasustainablefriendship.

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4.Theyalwayspuffuptheirownimportance.
Yougotajob!Yougotanaward!Orperhapsyouvenabbedyourselfafreecupofcoffee(which,cmonletsbehonest,isa
prettyawesomefeat).Soyousharethesedetailswithyourfriendhopingtohearthemsay,Goodforyou!Instead,theyfind
somecleverwaytomakeitallaboutthem.Yougotajob?WellIgotpromoted,orOhyougotfreecoffee?WellIgotfree
coffeeandacroissant.Theyfeeltheneedtooneupyoubecausetheydontseeyourgoodnewsassomethingtobehappy
about.Theyseeitasacompetition.Soon,youllbelessecstaticaboutsharingyourpersonalaccomplishments.Youshould
neverhavetofeelthatway.Weallwanttosharewhathappenedthroughoutourdays.Becauseaspeople,wenaturallyseek
validationfromourpeers.Butifyouhavetoactivelysearchforitinyoursocalledfriend,thenperhapsyoushouldfinda
newfriend.

5.Theymockyouandcomplimentyouatthesametimebecausepassiveaggressive.

Heresoneofthemostfrustratingthingsaboutfakefriends:theyvemasteredtheartofspeakingpassiveaggressively.Itsa
secondlanguagetothem.Again,itallstemsfromtheirnaturetocompete.Itsnotenoughtooneupyou.Sometimestheyjust
havetoputyoudown.Thiscasseroleisdelicious!Wheredidyoucater?orThatwasanamazingpieceyouwrotetheother
day.Whohelpedyouwriteit?Theyfindwaystomasktheirinsultsascompliments.Thatstheworstpartbecauseslowlybut
surelytheychipawayatyourselfconfidence.Youmaynotevenrealizeituntilyourmoralehaswornoutcompletely.

6.Theygossipendlesslyaboutothers.
Thisisamajorredflag.Iftheyreconstantlytalkingaboutotherpeople,justimaginewhattheyresayingbehindyourback.
Thatsaterriblethoughttohavelingeringinyourmind.Butitshowtheyconvincethemselvesthattheyrebetterthan
everyoneelse,includingyou.Sure,itsonethingtoventaboutsomeone.Itsanotherthingentirelytotearpeopleapartwhen
theirbacksareturned.Arealfriendwouldntdothatarealfriendsgotyourback.

7.Theyonlyseeyouasameanstoanend.

Thisisthecoldhardtruth:afakefriendwilluseyouanywaytheycan.Theyseeyouworkinghardinclasssotheyjumponthe
bandwagonandhitchafreeridetoanA.Perhapsyouofferedtopayfordinnerthatonetimesotheyconvincethemselvesthat
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itsokaytostealfromyoubecausetheyknowyourewelloff.Simplyput,theyseeyourgenerosityandtakeadvantageofit.A
truefriendrecognizesyourinherentkindnessandreturnsitahundredfold.Becauseitsatraittheyadmire,notenvy.Thosewho
dontfallintothatcategoryonlyseeyouasasteppingstone.Andtheywillditchyouoncetheyhavenomoreuseforyou.
Believeme,thatisntwhereyouwanttoendup.Becausethewaybacktoyourdignitywillbeadarkandlonelyroad.

Ofcourse,wedontseethesetraitsrightaway.Weareoftencaughtupinthehoneymoonphaseofanewlyforgedfriendship.
Buttimerevealsmanythings,likewhetherafriendshiphasrunitscourse.Dontbeatyourselfupifthatturnsouttobethe
case.Begratefulforit.Consideritalearningexperiencetohelpyouevaluatewhotokeepinyourinnercircles.Afterall,lifeis

apreciousthing.Spenditwithpeoplewhomakethejourneyworthwhile.

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