College Comemercials

By
@emmakop

Voiceover
Woman
Liza
Steve Jobs
INT. FRAT HOUSE BATHROOM
VOICEOVER
We took an ordinary woman and put
her in the grossest place we could
think of...a frat house. Then we
blindfolded her and sprayed
Febreeze to see if she could guess
where she was.
A blindfolded woman sits in a chair surrounded by actual
filth and disgustingness. There is a live fish on the floor,
condoms, jorts empty botttles of nyquil, some questionable
powders, a confederate flag, boxers, the most questionable
mattress youve ever seen, a Trump flag, vomit, and if
youve ever been in a frat bathroom just imagine that.

WOMAN
It really smells like a meadow in
here. Im getting like sunshine and
ocean breeze vibes too.
She removes the blindfolded and acts really shocked and
surprised.
WOMAN
Oh my goodness! This place is truly
uninhabitable, but Febreeze really
masked how many people have
contracted STDs in here. Thanks,
Febreeze!
Febreeze logo pops up

BOYS DORM ROOM (SMITH)

VOICEOVER
Here at Yankee Candle, we wanted to
capture the essence of your glory
days. Drunken fist fights,
hotboxing the communitty bathroom,
peeing in the hallway for no reason
at all, making the firefighters get
up at 3 AM every night because you
burnt popcorn, and having loud sex
in your dorm.
All these actions are playing out as the narrator mentions
them in a sort of montage.
I. Two boys slamming into walls fighting while an onlooking
girl cries overdramatically

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

II. Two boys walk out of a bathroom giggling and spraying

Febreeze literally everywhere as if theyre dispelling a
forest fire
III. A boy shrugging and smiling while holding an actual
flaming bag of popcorn in his hands
IV. A dweeby boy who has clearly been sexiled is sleeping in
the hall while banging on the walls (both literal and the
sex kind lol) is heard

VOICEOVER
Thats why we came up with our
newest fragrance, Freshman Boys
Dorm.
A boy is seen lighting a candle.

VOICEOVER
Its smell of dank weed poorly
masked by Febreeze, with a hint of
burnt popcorn and poor decisions
will bring you right back to the
best years of your life!
Commercials outro with logo
VOICEOVER
Yankee Candle, creating smells and
memories since 1809.

INT. LIBRARY
Close up shots of Macs covered in stickers. STEVE JOBS walks
out.
STEVE JOBS
Hi, Im Steve Jobs. I have
literally risen from the grave to
deliver one more piece of wisdom to
leave you all with for eternity.
He pauses for dramatic effect and looks around.
STEVE JOBS
Please stop ruining my laptops with
your God Damn stickers.
Steve walks around and stops by a working frat boy.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

STEVE JOBS
I dont care what frat youre in, I
dont care that you love America,
and I dont care that you own
beats. Stop it. Right now.
He walks by a gaggle of girls.
STEVE JOBS
I changed the world with my
inventions, and these girls all
bought the same exact Etsy sticker
of Squidward dabbing to put on it.
Enough is enough.

He stops in front of the camera.

STEVE JOBS
So please, for the love of God, put
your RedBubble collection on
something else your parents paid
for.
An Apple logo pops up.
VOICEOVER
Apple, think different. Or dont.

INT. SORORITY HOUSE, SPOTLESS

LIZA stands at the door holding a clipboard and a bottle of
Clorox Wipes.

LIZA
Alright ladies, come on in!
A group of shameful looking soririty girls stumble in drunk
and in shambly clothing. They all line up and Liza looks at
the first girl and smells her.
LIZA
Seriously Alyssa, two makeouts
tonight? And is that beer I smell
on you? Are you in a frat or
something?
Liza starts scrubbing ALYSSA with clorox wipes.
LIZA
Alright, youre shame-free you can
come in now.
The next girl steps up.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

LIZA
Dont even get me started with you.
I saw the snapchats of you when
Mr.Brightside came on. "It was only
a kiss" my ass.

Liza wipes the girls down. The montage continues in silence

as a Voiceover comes on.
VOICEOVER
Real sorority girls are messy.
Dont let those sluts tarnish your
reputation. Thats why Clorox is
there to wipe the sins away.
A Clorox logo pops up.

VOICEOVER
Clorox, get the tough stains out.