Simon Peter’s Dilemma

I have considered carefully

How best to deny you;
To admit to no recognition,
To speak no more of love,
To speak no more,
To say nothing more except
When spoken to; when recognised
For what I am and will be.

I have thought through

How best to give you nothing;
To give nothing away;
To give no more;
To give no more of myself
And so lose nothing more except
That which I have realised
Has gone by me; that has gone, gone.

I have listed it all;

Weighted it, weighed exactly
Each thought, every misdeed, each lie and trial
Within this walled garden, inside this pale city,
From long before your coming; before you
Hiding behind your shadow
Slip from house to house
And I am called to account.

But, it was you that I loved,

Worked the baking shores of Galilee,
Once walked on that glittering sea;
And now, for various reasons
And complications, must leave
All that which I know best
To become the catcher of souls;
One denied the lover’s eye.

And, yet, despite your gathered silence,

Your silent statement,
Your stated distance,
The growing contradictions, the knowledge
That you have little more to say,
I cannot consider you less,
Deny you more, speak nothing, avoid recognition,
Give less than I do. Give, give no more.

This stilled house still sleeps

As do you, as do others who wait
Their daily crucifixion in
The knowing that nothing changes
While I take these boxed roses of ice
And go looking for angels
Along the city’s edge. For ever.