A Party Boys Production
AND SERVE
MFO 51 Toilet Paper
18 JUNE 2008
“Petey” EATS Burrows….
During water safety training
for the month of June, there
was a tragic incident. While
trying to “dead-man-float”,
Sgt Burrows of Troop A was
viciously attacked by “Petey”
the Shark. Petey was able to
clamp down on Burrows mid-
section and wrestle him under
the water. Fighting for his
life, while the sting-rays and
eels danced around his head,
Burrows was able to kick
Petey in the pancreas and
force his mouth open. Bur-
rows quickly extricated him-
self from the massive jaws of
the silver-tipped shark and
begin to swim away. Dazed
from this mighty blow, but
unwilling to allow his lunch
to slip away, Petey countered
with a massive tail swipe to
Burrow’s cranium. The pow-
erful tail grazed Burrow’s
noggin and left the soldier dis
-oriented and floundering in
Let’s hear it for ART 101!
The MFO Toilet Paper
would like to publicly
recognize the beauty and
imagery of the artwork
that is now on display at
our S-1 Shop. This image
really says it all! Thanks
for finally finding an image
worthy of your sacrifice
and dedication to this
mission. Duff anyone!!
All submissions can be made to mfotoiletpaper@gmail.com
TO PROTECT
E-4 MAFIA
VOLUME 1, ISSUE 5
the break at Herb’s Beach.
After gaining his composure,
Burrows quickly sprang on top
of the water and proceeded to
sprint to the beach on top of
the water. Screaming like a
little girl, Burrows escaped
with only minor injuries.
Petey was not so lucky!! The
shark had sustained massive
internal hemorrhaging and
quickly succumbed to his lack
of blood. He was dragged to
shore by our gallant lifeguard
crew, picked up by our MDF
staff, and without a second
thought, was processed and
Is Water Safety Training Now Considered Unsafe!!
turned into a main course for
our financially strapped Mess
Hall. The real tragedy of the SINAI TROOPER COMBAT GOLF
incident was that now Petey’s
children are fatherless and will
have to let their mother teach
July 3rd, 2008 Shotgun Start at 1300hrs
them to hunt for food. Please
help them by swimming more Contact: SPC Harvey Scribner
at the beach and volunteering
for chum duty!! - Spc Snyder Email: hescribner@gmail.com
General “Dis-Order” Number 1 Newsletter Policies for Submission:
All material is to be submitted to the publisher no
It was great sitting at the The line troops at one later than 24 hours before printing. This medium
table with the General remote site were so ex- was designed for fun only. Any descriptions of
Staff as we dined and dis- cited that they started to events or news presented is fake and does not re-
cussed the news of the give him a 21-gun salute flect the views or orders of the official people run-
day. During a recent visit and were abruptly stopped ning our camp. Any similarity to actual events and
to South Camp, it was so by immediate supervisors. people is purely coincidental and shall not be in-
refreshing having access to Top NCO’s personally terpreted as truth. We accept submissions for
everyone on base to get a supervised the event for content from anyone on camp, preferably E-4 or
real look at life here in the safety and effectiveness. below. Submissions are accepted on a first come-
Sinai. He was elated to Ceremonies like this will
first served basis and there is no guarantee of pub-
have an uncompromised never be duplicated. All in
lication. All submissions become the sole property
look at the way things are all the visit was a success,
of the editorial staff. 2008 NOTE: There was some
running here. He heard and even some of the
that the Ohio PDS was officers were able to give difficulty with the previous MSN Email. Please
also in town recently, and encouraging words of resend all articles for submission to the new email
was glad to hear that they wisdom to the inspection address. They will make the next issue. This
were given all the informa- team, after a long and news medium accepts submissions from
tion they need to get ready jubilant party at the Snap-
to take over the burden of per. - Clearing Barrel Bob ALL RANKS and ALL TROOPS!!
command shortly!!
18 JUNE 2008 MFO TOILET PAPER VOLUME 1, ISSUE 5

TOILET PAPER PERSONALS Action Jackson’s

Action Advice
Are you missing back CPT OB,
issues of the Dear Action Jackson,
MFO TOILET PAPER You are the kind of bum
for your home collection? we should all be. “Let Little snakes keep find-
Email the editor at he who is without sin ing their way under my
mfotoiletpaper@msn.com cast the first stone”. trailer, what can I do to
to request back issues or keep them away?
The Monkey T-Shirt Rocks!! to be added to the home Rock On!! - Ahmed
delivery email list. Don’t MFO TP Editor
Important Info for Readers: miss an issue!! Dear Ahmed,
Have your best buddy
♦ SINAI TROOPER COMBAT GOLF The Camel Bar is make noise and chase the
is scheduled for July 3rd, 2008 at the FX, quickly becoming the snake into a burlap bag.
Jolie Ville Golf Club in Sharm el GREAT JOB WITH THE place to be when you are Shake bag vigorously
Sheik. This outing is open to all per- RESUPPLY LATELY!! not on South Camp. and release into the wild.
HOW ABOUT SOME There is a roof deck, live ——————————
sonnel on South Camp with some
MORE GUINNESS? bands weekly, cold beer, Dear Jack-Baby,
time off. We hope to get at least a and great food. The free
foursome from all Troops, Squadron, Thirsty Troopers Member Card is good for I have wicked sunburn
and support units. Please contact discounts, too!! all over my body, is there
Spc Harvey Scribner at some sort of crème you
New Rum Runner Club! Favorite new cocktail would suggest?
hescribner@gmail.com of the Month: - Beelzebub
to register your foursome today!
♦ An official memo banning SPEEDO THE SHOT!! Dear Beelz,
swim trunks for SC Personnel is out I am a ghost-white per-
Bourbon, Whiskey,
now. Please, for decencies’ sake, no Rum, Vodka, or Jeager!! son who does not venture
more banana hammocks!! Poured Neat, into the sun. Party all
SHOT Complete!! night and sleep during
the day, I say!
——————————
MDF CHANGES ANNOUNCED Dear Action,

It burns when I pee?

At the NC Dining Hall Meeting, a
number of matters were raised
and the following information is
passed on to you: Please insure
Won’t you that all staff and soldiers are
please help? aware of the upcoming changes:
Beatrice the
Camel has a
Due to the high cost of food
saggy hump. worldwide, and the weak US Dol-
She was at the lar, all MFO members will now
beach one day be required to eat every other day.
and it just lost Additional snacks, candy, and ice
all shape and cream will be available for pur-
form. We are chase at the FX.
collecting a
special fund Because of delays in receiving
to help pay for food from vendors, both camps
the procedure will be required to keep live cattle
to make them on base. Additional duties for
even again!! caring for, feeding, cleaning, and
all animal husbandry will now be - Mr. Bulbous,
handled by the duty platoon from
each line troop. Animal husbandry Dear Bulbous (Sicko),
will be especially necessary , and
special needs soldiers (blue-balls) First, get the silver bullet
will be at the head of the line for at the TMC!!
this duty. This should also reduce
Second, spend less time
the strain on other HHT personnel
with questionable people
who have been actively helping our and more time working
special needs population to date. on it by yourself.
Finally, a program allowing canni-
balism will be instituted. The initial
choices for sacrifice will be soldiers
on the weight control and remedial
PT programs, as they will provide
the tastiest limbs and other organs.
We hope you enjoy these changes!!
- MDF STAFF

All submissions can be made to mfotoiletpaper@gmail.com

18 JUNE 2008 MFO TOILET PAPER VOLUME 1, ISSUE 5

Editors Corner
Classified Ads
Classic lines and ocean view!!  
This fixer‐upper boasts cen‐
tral air (holes in walls), open 
air bathing, and a corner 
hole to poop in.  Add a camp 
stove, color tv, and a mat‐
tress on the floor and you 
have a Bedouin castle of your 
very own!!  Call Bubba now 
Flexibility is the Key!!
Like new, 2005 Chevy Twelve‐ They keep saying to be
for more information!! 
Passenger van.  Only driven to  Sail the seas in style.  This  flexible and work hard. I
temple once a week.  New  28” 
find it interesting that
bargain of a boat is for  there are so many situa-
Chrome Rims and some cool  sale or rent in the harbor  tions here at Disneyland to
decal work on each door.   be flexible about, but
near OP 3‐D.  Come down 
Drive Right can be disabled  when asked to do the same
now and take a look at 
and can be equipped with an  regarding MWR and
optional main gun mount.   her.  Pirate flag and all  Schoolwork, there seems
Contact Hymie Schwartz for  sails included.  Contact  to be a very rigid re-
details.  Will accept sheckles  Malachi the Pirate in Old  sponse. I only hope that a
certain situation will get
or will trade for used Humvee  Sharm today for a test 
resolved to everyone’s
or Silverado.  Meet at McD’s.  drive.  L.E. Only!!  enjoyment and satisfac-
tion. Happy MWR Period
Ante’s Song Please feel free to 
submit your arti‐
to all!!

(to the tune of Paul McCartney’s “Liverpool Orators”) FX Turns Things Around
cles, letters to the  It seems that the FX has
editor, pictures,  turned over a new leaf.
Let’s find ourselves a Hungarian Bar, 
anecdotes, or just  Stockpiles of snacks, soda,
Where we can sit to get away from the war,  and personal hygiene
a good joke to the 
We’ll get a chance to talk about anyone who bothers us.  items are plentiful, and
MFO Toilet Paper.   more items are on the
  We will try to print  way!! The electronics are
There’s not much more to life here at the Sinai,  every item re‐ still a little “pricey”, but
But there’s enough to make a throat feel dry,  all-in-all things are look-
ceived in a timely 
ing up. Ice Cream Cooler
So let’s repair to where no one else would care to bother  manner and will  and all, thanks for picking
us.  also be happy to  up the slack Lisa!!
  add anyone re‐
Halfway Point Reached
sponding to this 
Let’s have a drink while we think what to do,  Felt like it would never
request to our Pre‐ come, but the halfway
And while we think, we’ll have another drink or two, 
ferred Home  point has come and gone
  for most of us. There is
Email Mailing List.  
If everybody stayed serious all knight,  still some question of the
Read your exclu‐
fairness of the RIP dates,
Our ten months here would absolutely bite,  sive copy of the  but for most of us, the
But as it is we don’t, so nothings gonna bother us,  MFO TP today!    closer we get to the big
  We encourage sub‐ rip in the fall, the better.
GO BUCKEYES!! We
Let’s have a drink while we think what to do,  missions from  cannot wait to greet you
And while we think, we’ll have another drink or two.  anyone on camp!!  as you get off the bus in a
Thanks, EDITOR  few months!!

All submissions can be made to mfotoiletpaper@gmail.com