COUNSELING BY JUDY

NEWSLETTER

CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Conflict in relationships, whether it be between spouses, family members,
friends, or coworkers, is virtually inevitable. Conflict itself isnt the problem;
however, how its handled can bring people closer together or push them
farther apart. Poor communication can potentially weaken the bond between
people, resulting in mistrust, frustration, and resentment. Disagreements and
misunderstandings can be grounds for intense anger and distancing. On the
other hand, effective communication can enable sharing of information,
perspective taking, and profound understanding. When communication flows
well, conflict is more likely to be resolved in a cooperative manner, instead of
escalating to a destructive level. Good communication is essential to achieving
and sustaining a healthy relationship.

Collaborative strategies for negotiating conflicts include the following steps:

1. Choose an mutually acceptable time and place to discuss the The single biggest
conflict problem in
2. Talk it out- each person takes a turn stating his/her position and needs, communication is the
while the other person attentively listens and tries to understand the speakers
illusion that it has
perspective.
taken place.
3. Brainstorm solutions to resolve the conflict
~George Bernard Shaw
4. Choose a solution that meets both parties needs and on which they can
both agree. Try it. If it doesnt work, try a different one. Be patient!

Judy Kaminsky, LMFT

Specializing in, but not limited to, Marriage & Family Therapy
600 West Germantown Pike- Suite 400
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania 19462

(610)-940-1710
counselingbyjudy@comcast.net www.counselingbyjudy.com
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HEALTHY
COMMUNICATION USING

I-MESSAGES

An I-message is an assertive way to

express your anger, sadness, or
disappointment with something
another person has done. It allows you We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice
to communicate how you feel without as much as we speak ~Epictetus
attacking or blaming him or her. An
"I" message can help de-escalate a CONFLICT RESOLUTION THINGS TO AVOID
conflict and pave the way for a TIPS
Defensiveness
constructive conversation as well as a Stay focused on the issue
at hand. Dont bring up Overgeneralization
resolution. (i.e. You always
past hurts or other
issues. You never)

Acknowledge your share Blame

I-Message Formula:
of responsibility in the
I feel ______________ (State your Criticism
conflict.
feeling) when you ____________ Ridicule
Take time to cool off if
(Describe the behavior that elicits the one or both of you is Body language that
getting too angry or conveys disinterest or
feeling) because ______________
upset to have a that is patronizing
(State why the behavior causes that constructive
conversation. Character attacks;
feeling). Id like ______________ Name-calling (i.e.
(State what youd like for the outcome). Resume when both of Youre lazy. Youre
you are calm, with a careless.)
constructive attitude
Example: "I feel hurt and insignificant Lying
and mutual respect.
when youre texting while were eating
If youve tried to resolve Needing to be right
dinner together, because it seems like youre conflicts on your own or to win
not interested in being with me. Id like you and things dont seem to
Interrupting
be improving, consider
to put the cell phone away when were at the therapy to learn new Being judgmental
dinner table." communication and
conflict resolution skills.