Randy O'Toole-Strip Poker - The Essential Handbook (2006) PDF

Crombie Jardine
PUBLISHING LIMITED
Office 2
3 Edgar Buildings
George Street
Bath
BA1 2FJ
www.crombiejardine.com
This edition was first published by

Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited in 2006
Copyright 2006, Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited
All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be

reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form
or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or
otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
ISBN 1-905102-69-0
Written by Michael Powell
Printed and bound in the United Kingdom by
William Clowes Ltd, Beccles, Suffolk
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Contents
Introduction ..................................................... 7
What a great name ........................................ 10
Another great male invention ........................ 12
Is it a sport or a game? ................................. 13
A Brief History of Strip Poker #1 .................... 15
So what are you waiting for? ......................... 22
Strip poker rules ............................................ 23
Standard boring non nude poker rules .......... 25
SPICE IT UP #1: Win back ............................ 31
SPICE IT UP #2: High five ............................ 33
SPICE IT UP #3: Truth or dare ...................... 35
SPICE IT UP #4: Freestyle ............................ 38
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SPICE IT UP #5: Showdown ......................... 41
SPICE IT UP #6: Snog or strip ...................... 42
SPICE IT UP #7: Ices high ............................ 43
SPICE IT UP #8: Veggies ............................. 45
SPICE IT UP #9: Meltdown ........................... 46
SPICE IT UP #10: Cross dress ..................... 48
Whats the best time to play? ........................ 50
Diddy diving .................................................. 51
Students and alkies ....................................... 52
How to get women to join in .......................... 53
Clothing is bad for your health ...................... 54
Clothing is bad for women #1 ........................ 55
Location, location, location ............................ 60
Seating arrangements ................................... 62
Open plan ..................................................... 63
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Snacks .......................................................... 64
Good snacks ................................................. 65
Bad snacks ................................................... 66
Lighting ......................................................... 67
Reasons to play strip poker #1 ...................... 68
Its not about the winning, its the taking photos 69
How to stop ugly people from playing ........... 70
Ugly questionnaire ........................................ 71
How to stop obese people from playing ........ 76
Obesity questionnaire ................................... 77
How to keep a poker face ............................. 80
How to avoid getting a stiffy .......................... 84
How not to stare at naked bubbies ................ 86
How to spot if a player has boob implants #1 87
Blowing your wad .......................................... 89
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Does my dick look big in this? ....................... 90
How to make your bum look smaller and your
boobs bigger .......................................... 92
Movie nudity is mostly female ....................... 93
Five best places to play strip poker ............... 97
Five worst places to play strip poker ............. 98
Personal hygiene .......................................... 99
Skiddies ...................................................... 100
Fancy dress ................................................ 101
Trashtalk ..................................................... 102
Skinny dipping ............................................. 106
Strip poker goes global ............................... 107
You know youre addicted to strip poker when... 120
Three important rules .................................. 121
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Introduction
Strip poker the game of

games, the sport of kings. Or
rather, the sport of shitfaced
fun-loving pervs.
And why not? Whoever thought

of combining cards with the
removal of clothing was truly
inspired.
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STRIP POKER
Poker played for cash can be

a slippery slope to penury and
ruin, but when the stakes are
the underwear of your really hot
flatmate, it can be the start of a
wonderful new level to your,
ahem, friendship.
If you want to see more of your

friends, heres your chance.
This little book supplies you
with everything you need to get
you going. Basic rules, hints
and tips and most important,
how to get people to join in,
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STRIP POKER
then how to get them where

you want them butt naked
while losing nothing more
yourself than a pair of socks.
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STRIP POKER
What a great name
Yeah, isnt it? It does exactly

what it says on the tin: you
know that youre in for some
poker and some stripping.
Wouldnt it be useful if other

games were as straightforward?
Take cricket: until you play you

havent the first clue that youre
in for a whole load of standing
around in a wooden shed
waiting for the rain to stop;
10
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STRIP POKER
Rugby: the last thing you

expect is to spend the rest of
your life as a quadriplegic.
11
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STRIP POKER
Another great male

invention
Its a safe bet that strip poker

was invented by a guy with one
thing on his mind: girls getting
their kit off.
Of course, its possible that it
was invented by a woman, but
there are much easier ways for
a woman to get a man to show
her his tackle than playing a
stupid game.
Like asking him.
12
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STRIP POKER
Is it a sport or a
game?
The definition of a sport is a

game which gets you either
muddy, out of breath or
seriously injured. Strip poker
can achieve all three of these
things when played at high
altitude in a swamp full of
crocodiles, so its most
definitely a sport.
Also, any game involving nudity

automatically gains sport status
13
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STRIP POKER
(e.g. darts is a game whereas

naked darts is a sport).
14
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STRIP POKER
A BRIEF HISTORY OF
STRIP POKER #1
1.6 million BC The first

breasts roam the earth,
attached to large-brained bi-
pedal hominids. They are
naked but very hairy, making
strip poker unnecessary on
two counts.
15
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STRIP POKER
A BRIEF HISTORY OF
STRIP POKER #2
10,000 BC Glaciers retreat,

allowing herds of bison,
mammoths and reindeer to
move north, followed by tribes
of clothed humans.
16
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STRIP POKER
A BRIEF HISTORY OF
STRIP POKER #3
AD 1864 Poker originates in

and around Mississippi and
Ohio River, USA, followed
some time after by strip poker.
17
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STRIP POKER
A BRIEF HISTORY OF
STRIP POKER #4
As you can see, strip poker is

a mere blip in the multi-
millennial history of humankind.
Men have learnt to get
womens kit off via the medium
of playing cards in only the past
century versus millions upon
millions of years of so-called
evolution stretching into the
past.
18
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STRIP POKER
It is truly tragic that humanity

should have foregone
significant progress for so long.
19
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STRIP POKER
A BRIEF HISTORY OF
STRIP POKER #5
So who were these free-

thinkers who were able to
shake off the intellectual
shackles of the past and make
the leap of imagination that had
eluded everyone else for so
long?
Cowboys.
20
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STRIP POKER
A BRIEF HISTORY OF
STRIP POKER #6
Thats right. In the Wild West it

was common for men to wager
their boots or the shirt off their
own back when they were out
of cash. It didnt take long for
someone to figure out that it
was more fun when the women
joined in.
21
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STRIP POKER
So what are you

waiting for?
Hang on a moment. You cant

just leap into a game of strip
poker without knowing the
rules, otherwise you could find
yourself divested of clothing
without witnessing so much as
a nip slip for your own viewing
pleasure.
22
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STRIP POKER
Strip poker rrules

poker ules
Strip poker is just like standard

boring non nude poker, except
there isnt any betting.
The simplest way to play is for

the person with the lowest hand
at the end of each round to
remove an item of clothing.
The game continues until there

is only one player with one or
more items of clothing remaining.
23
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STRIP POKER
If you lose all your clothes, you

have to keep on playing.
24
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STRIP POKER
Standard boring non

nude poker rules
Standard poker is played with

a deck of 52 cards. Each
person gets five cards and then
is allowed to change up to three
of them. The player with the
best cards wins the game.
There are nine patterns to aim
for, in order of best to worst:
25
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Royal Flush
Ace, King, Queen, Jack, 10 all

of the same suit.
Straight Flush
Five cards of the same suit in

numerical order. In a tie, the
highest value card wins. If they
are identical, the pot is shared.
The Ace can count high or low,
but not both, so for example K,
A, 2, 3, 4 isnt allowed, but A, 2,
3, 4, 5 or 10, J, Q, K, A are valid.
26
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STRIP POKER
Four of a Kind
Four cards of the same value.

In a tie, the cards with the
highest value win.
Full House
Three of one value, two of

another. If two players have a
full house, the higher value of
the threesome wins.
27
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Flush
Five cards of the same suit. In

a tie, the person with the
highest value cards wins.
Straight
Five cards of different suits in

numerical order. The Ace can
count high or low, but not both,
so for example Q, K, A, 2, 3 isnt
allowed, whereas A, 2, 3, 4, 5
or 10, J, Q, K, A are valid.
28
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STRIP POKER
Three of a Kind
Three cards of the same value.

If two players have three of a
kind, the cards with the highest
value win.
Two Pairs
Two pairs of cards. In a tie the

top value wins. If the top value
is the same, the bottom value
is next, followed by value of the
fifth card.
29
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STRIP POKER
One Pair
One pair. In a tie the highest

value wins, followed by the next
highest cards held.
30
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #1:
Win back
This optional rule makes for a

longer game and a nail-biting
tension as bras and knickers
come off and then go back on
again.
The player with the highest

hand is allowed to put back an
item of clothing. If someone
fully clothed wins a hand, they
can nominate someone else to
put back an item of clothing.
31
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STRIP POKER
This variation is a great way to

get the women naked while the
men keep their clothes on
(assuming youve chosen them
for their bodies, rather than for
their poker skills).
32
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #2:
High five
This rule enables groups of

marauding male pervs to gang
up on the girlies.
The player with the highest

hand can nominate a person
who must remove an item of
clothing.
33
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #2:
High five
If you want to be really mean,

you can nominate a person and
a specific item of clothing. This
means you can make someone
take off their underclothes
before theyve removed their
top layers. Sit back and enjoy
the struggle.
34
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #3:
Truth or dare
If the person with the lowest

hand has already lost all of their
clothes, they must perform a
truth or dare.
A truth means that the person

must answer an embarrassing
and/or personal question
truthfully.
35
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STRIP POKER
A dare should be something

that is uncomfortable for the
daree but hugely entertaining
for everyone else.
36
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #3:
Truth or dare
Good dares = touching toes,

shimmying, star jumps
(basically anything which gets
dangly bits bouncing, or
separates butt cheeks).
37
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #4:
Freestyle
In this variation players can

wear as many clothes as they
like. This game needs a whole
weekend to play, and usually
ends with everyone getting
pissed off, giving up and
ordering a pizza.
Anyone passing out through

heat exhaustion automatically
forfeits all clothing rights, and
38
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STRIP POKER
should regain consciousness

naked. Combine with #5
Showdown to speed things
up.
39
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #4:
Freestyle
Jewellery: dig out all your bling

and make like a rapper.
Gloves: cut through the fingers

of your gloves and make twelve
garments out of two.
Bra: turn your bra into a lift-

the-flap experience: each
wardrobe malfunction counts
as one garment.
40
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #5:
Showdown
This makes for a really fast

game where everyone except
the winner has to remove an
item of clothing . . .
. . . and the winner has to
remove two items of clothing.
That way the exhibitionists can
use their poker skill to get
naked quicker, while the
modest players try deliberately
to lose.
41
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #6:
Snog or strip
The person with the lowest

hand is given the option to
either remove a piece of
clothing or to French kiss
another player.
The player who gets orally

owned can either be decided
by the person completing the
forfeit, or it is the player with the
highest hand.
42
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #7:
Ices high
The person with the lowest

hand is given the option to
either remove a piece of
clothing or to have a piece of
ice rubbed on any exposed part
of their body, for one minute.
If you dont have any ice, then

scope out your kitchen cabinets
for alternatives: Marmite,
chocolate spread, peanut
43
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STRIP POKER
butter, etc. Then the person

with the lowest hand next round
has to lick it off.
44
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #8:
Veggies
The person with the lowest hand

is given the option to either
remove a piece of clothing or to
do something suggestive with a
vegetable of their choice.
The other players must vote
afterward to decide whether the
action was suggestive enough.
If not, the clothing comes off

anyway.
45
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #9:
Meltdown
When the first round of cards

has been dealt, any player may
call Meltdown.
After everyone has exchanged

their cards, if the player wins
the round he or she can put all
their clothes back on. If they
dont win, they must remove all
their remaining clothes.
46
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STRIP POKER
Only use this option as a last

resort when youre nearly
naked, or if youre too pissed
to care.
The Meltdown variation is a

great way to spot exhibitionists
and adrenaline junkies.
47
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STRIP POKER
SPICE IT UP #10:
Cross dress
This is like #1 Win Back, with

a twist. The player with the
highest hand is allowed to put
back on an item of clothing,
only it must be something
currently being worn by a
player of the opposite sex.
48
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STRIP POKER
We said there was a twist:

when everyone is down to their
underwear, youll soon have
women wearing each others
bras and guys having to wear
each others grundies. Its a
pleasure-pain thing. Eventually
theyll be just one item of
underwear doing the rounds
(right before the start of the
mass orgy).
49
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STRIP POKER
Whats the best time

to play?
There are no hard and fast

rules, but the best time to play
is when youre bladdered. Just
enough so that you lose your
inhibitions, but not so shitfaced
that you pass out with your face
in someones tits.
50
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STRIP POKER
Diddy diving
When placing your face into a

womans cleavage, its always
more fun if you remain
conscious.
51
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STRIP POKER
Students and alkies
Strip poker is more of an

evening game, since only
alkies and students drink in the
morning. Besides, if youre a
student, why arent you out
getting laid, rather than reading
this book? Loser.
52
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STRIP POKER
How to get women

to join in
We make no apologies for

focusing on women here.
Thats because men dont need
persuading.
Also, only agree to or suggest

a game if youre in company
that you actually want to see
naked. Gatherings to avoid
include office parties, funerals
and all family occasions.
53
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STRIP POKER
Clothing is bad for

your health
Here are five important and

persuasive facts that support
the thesis that clothing is bad
for women and that they are
better off naked . . .
54
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STRIP POKER
Clothing is bad for

women #1
An estimated 75 percent of
women are wearing the wrong
bra. A badly-fitted bra makes
women look heavier or fatter.
So three out of four women look
better topless.
55
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STRIP POKER
Clothing is bad for

women #2
Wearing the wrong size bra

leads to shoulder and neck
pain, droopy tits, rubbing, and
permanent indentations in the
shoulders.
56
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STRIP POKER
Clothing is bad for

women #3
Eighty-eight percent of women

wear shoes that are too small.
Too-tight shoes cause back
and leg pain, disturb muscles
and ligaments, and hasten
arthritis of the knee.
57
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STRIP POKER
Clothing is bad for

women #4
Sales of thongs have tripled

since 1996, suggesting that
they are very popular with
women. But the price of
eliminating a visible panty line
is to encourage the growth of
B Strep and E Coli. Also the
constant rubbing of thongs can
cause perineal tears, which can
become potential sites for
infection, including STDs.
58
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STRIP POKER
Clothing is bad for

women #5
Seventy percent of women

admit to being dissatisfied with
recently purchased clothing
items.
59
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STRIP POKER
Location, location,
location
Pick your location carefully.
Youll need a room that makes

the players feel relaxed. Sitting
cross-legged in a circle in the
lounge is a good choice for
maximum visibility.
The kitchen is the worst place

because everyone ends up
sitting around the table, and
60
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STRIP POKER
when they start stripping, all the

good bits are hidden and you
have to keep dropping stuff on
the floor to take a peek.
61
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STRIP POKER
Seating arrangements
It doesnt matter what you sit

on when youre clothed, but
once naked butt cheeks enter
the equation, you should steer
clear of leather, polyester and
anything that encourages the
appearance of big sweaty-
crack marks and futtocky
sounds whenever someone
shifts position.
62
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STRIP POKER
Open plan
On second thoughts, try to

avoid furniture if at all possible.
Get rid of cushions, and
anything else that people can
hide behind. Dont go too far
though. If you end up playing
in a bare room with a single
light bulb, dont be surprised if
your guests think youre a serial
killer.
63
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STRIP POKER
Snacks
Always have plenty of snacks

on hand. Bite-size nibbles help
everyone to forget that they are
naked, because usually they
are clothed when they eat
them. When was the last time
you ate a packet of Doritos in
the nude? Its called relaxation
by association. Also, a woman
cant cover her jubblies when
shes reaching for a snack.
64
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STRIP POKER
Good snacks
The best snacks are fiddly to

eat and require both hands
(thus freeing them up from
covering private parts). Messy
snacks are great because they
end up on the body.
Good snacks = pistachio nuts

(in the shell), Bombay mix,
candy floss, popcorn, bubble
gum (round balls so they fall on
the floor good excuse to do
some twat spotting).
65
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STRIP POKER
Bad snacks
Bad snacks = anything that can

be used to cover nudity, e.g.
wagon wheels, poppadoms,
cheese strings, etc.
66
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STRIP POKER
Lighting
Lighting should be dim enough

so that people feel relaxed, but
light enough so you can see all
the detail, like those little warty
bumps around a nipple that
nobody knows the name of.
Avoid naked flames like

candles. With so much pubic
hair on display, theres a
serious risk of bush fires.
67
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STRIP POKER
Reasons to play strip

poker (like you need
one) #1
You get to see women naked

without going to a restaurant
first.
68
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STRIP POKER
Its not about the

winning, its the
taking photos
If youre hosting a strip poker

evening, always set up a
hidden video camera: then you
can, erm, watch it over and
develop your . . . technique.
Thats the way sports people
improve, isnt it?
69
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STRIP POKER
How to stop ugly

people from playing
Get everyone to fill in this brief

questionnaire. Anyone who can
say yes to more than two
questions should be barred
from the game. Anyone with
over five should be barred from
reproducing.
70
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STRIP POKER
Ugly questionnaire
When you were born did your

parents put tinted windows on
your incubator?
When you sit in the sand do

cats try to bury you?
Are your tits so small that

youve had to tattoo Front on
your chest?
71
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STRIP POKER
Has your face ever been

mistaken for a dogs arse?
Did they break the mould

before they made you?
Does your passport photo look

like a Picasso?
Can you only find make-up that

suits your complexion in a
hardware store?
Do you have to use garden

tools to trim your bikini line?
72
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STRIP POKER
Last time you bent over, did you

get arrested for selling crack?
Have you ever had or look like

youve had an industrial
accident?
Have you ever run headfirst

into a stove pipe?
Have you ever scared the flies

off a shit wagon?
73
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STRIP POKER
. . . and finally, the bonus trick

question:
Have your breast implants

started leaking yet?
74
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STRIP POKER

one) #2
You can suck at it and still have

fun.
75
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STRIP POKER
How to stop obese

people from playing
Because its not always

obvious how fat someone is
until they remove their clothing
(i.e. when its too late) heres
another questionnaire to weed
out the lardies.
76
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STRIP POKER
Obesity questionnaire
Are you considering any of the

following during the next six
months:
Liposuction
Tummy tuck
Congestive heart failure?
Do you put mayonnaise on

your aspirin?
Do you iron your trousers on

the front lawn?
77
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STRIP POKER
Do you long for a figure like

Charlotte Church?
Do you ever feel out of control

around gift hampers?
Do you sweat corn oil?
Do you own a cheesy poof

dispenser?
Do you regularly consume

more calories than you burn?
Is your car made of Lycra?
78
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STRIP POKER

one) #3
It objectifies both men and

women equally.
79
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STRIP POKER
How to keep a
poker face
In standard poker it is vital to

conceal the nature of your hand
from other players by staying
in control of your facial
expression. This is known as
adopting a poker face.
There are about five trillion
muscles in your face, so
keeping them all under control
when a hot babe has just
released her puppies can be an
awesome challenge.
80
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STRIP POKER
You need to retrain your mind

to think that nudity is
completely normal. Then you
can open your mouth without
your tonguing lolling out, whilst
your palms stop sweating and
your eyes pop back into their
sockets. The trouble is,
researchers have found that
however much you try to keep
a straight face, your
subconscious lets you down.
So dont be too hard on yourself

if every time some kit comes off
81
Strip_Poker.pmd 81 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
you grab your crotch and yell

schwiiiing!
82
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STRIP POKER

one) #4
It doesnt contribute to global

warming.
83
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STRIP POKER
How to avoid
getting a stiffy
Unwanted wood is a common

strip poker hazard, but theres
nothing wrong with getting a
root-on. If youre a straight man
who doesnt get hard just
thinking about women taking
their clothes off, theres
something wrong with you.
However, you dont want
women to feel objectified,
because then they will stop
84
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STRIP POKER
playing. So use the age-old

way of thinking about
something else, or give yourself
a quick low-five before the
game.
85
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STRIP POKER
How not to stare at

naked bubbies
Are you kidding? And miss out

on a diddy fest? Do you ignore
solar eclipses just because
theyre bad for your eyesight?
Whats the point of being in the
same room as naked jubes if
youre not going to look? Youve
been checking out fully-clothed
nungers for years and now you
decide to develop a
conscience?
86
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STRIP POKER
How to spot if a
player has boob
implants #1
Real boobs jiggle, fake ones do

not.
The nipples are often

positioned unnaturally high on
a womans chest, and if its a
really bad boob job, on the
forehead.
87
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STRIP POKER
How to spot if a
player has boob
implants #2
If she falls forward onto the

ground and then bounces back
up to a standing position.
If when you are sucking on

them you blow instead and they
continue to get bigger.
88
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STRIP POKER
Blowing your wad
If you bust a nut in the middle

of a game, try to keep your
emissions below the line of
sight. If you are playing at a
table, just relax and hope that
you can send the incriminating
evidence at least six feet away.
If its a glass-topped table, aim
low. Even if you know your
friends really well, jizzing
should never be a spectator
sport.
89
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STRIP POKER
Does my dick
look big in this?
If youre worried about the size

of your wang, there are several
ways you can make it look
bigger, without resorting to a
semi or a stiffy:
Trim your pubes to reveal

more of your genitals.
Get liposuction: men with

beer bellies usually look
90
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STRIP POKER
like theyve got no dick at

all; the more flab youve
got around your tackle,
the worse it is.
Talk about how much you

like Will Selfs novels and
everyone will think youre
a big cock.
91
Strip_Poker.pmd 91 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
How to make your

bum look smaller and
your boobs bigger
Unfortunately, without push-

em-up bras and hold-it-all-in
support underwear, youre
stuffed. No more hiding behind
your clothing. Girls, doesnt it
feel liberating not to have to rely
on these unnecessary items of
female repression?
92
Strip_Poker.pmd 92 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
Movie nudity is
mostly female
So why should it be any

different with strip poker?
Havent you figured out yet that

getting together with the other
guys and cheating is the best
way of seeing pink?
Swap your cards with other

guys when the women arent
watching. Distract their
93
Strip_Poker.pmd 93 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
attention then look at their

cards.
Good ways of distracting

women are:
Throwing chocolate
behind the radiator.
Sending them into the

kitchen to get more
beers.
94
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STRIP POKER
How to spot if a
player has boob
implants #3
She runs away screaming

when you lean over to light her
cigarette.
She keeps asking everyone

what they think of her new boob
job.
95
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STRIP POKER
How to spot if a
player has boob
implants #4
Last time you played strip poker

they constituted an A cup and
now they are triple Es.
96
Strip_Poker.pmd 96 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
Five best places to

play strip poker
In a playboy mansion
In a student dorm room
In a nymphomaniac
therapy group
In Sweden
In a hammock
97
Strip_Poker.pmd 97 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
Five worst places to

play strip poker
In the toilets in McDonalds
On the moon
At Fat Camp
Anywhere in the Middle

East
In a crche
98
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STRIP POKER
Personal hygiene
Youre going to get naked, so

make sure youve showered,
shaved where necessary and
are wearing a clean pair of
pants. Showing off your racing
stripes and other residual
stains will ensure you never get
invited to a rematch.
99
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STRIP POKER
Skiddies
Hold in your farts: this is one

sport where you definitely dont
want to follow through.
100
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STRIP POKER
Fancy dress
Playing in fancy dress can add

an extra frisson to an already
charged atmosphere. Pick an
outfit that will either titillate
(nurse, French maid, fireman,
etc.) or one with plenty of
accessories: Star Trek is a
shrewd choice, since Spock
ears count as two extra items
of clothing.
101
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STRIP POKER
Trashtalk
It makes for some spectacular

results when it happens on the
football pitch, such as Zidanes
career-topping antics in World
Cup 2006. So why not psyche
out your opponents with these
choice phrases:
Your breasts are the son of a

dirty terrorist whore.
Your love bone is the son of a

dirty terrorist whore.
102
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STRIP POKER
Your piss flaps are the son of

a dirty terrorist whore.
Etc.
103
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STRIP POKER
How to spot if a
player has boob
implants #5
You stub your cigar out on her

nipple and she doesnt feel a
thing.
Real boobs dont come with

Made in Japan stickers.
104
Strip_Poker.pmd 104 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
How to spot if a
player has boob
implants #6
Shes wearing a surgical gown

and her tits are covered in
purple marker pen.
If you reach down in her panties

and she has a dick bigger than
yours.
105
Strip_Poker.pmd 105 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
Skinny dipping
If you want to go skinny dipping

with some friends, strip poker
can be a good way to introduce
them to the idea. Often
everyone is too afraid to go first,
but a game of strip poker
removes all the guesswork and
takes the pressure off. Also it
is more subtle than placing your
cock on a womans shoulder
while gazing wistfully at the
water.
106
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STRIP POKER
Strip poker
goes global
Strip poker isnt confined to

these shores; its gone global,
where it is met with varying
degrees of popularity. It pays to
know which nationalities are
more likely to take part in a
game, and which would say no.
Lets take a look at some of
these national characteristics.
107
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STRIP POKER
Strip poker around the

world: GERMAN
Germans enjoy strip poker,

because they love playing nude
volleyball, paddleball, kickball,
football . . . anything that
involves being starkers. Its
legal to take your clothes off
anywhere in the country and
with the lowest working hours
in Europe, theyve got plenty of
time on their hands.
108
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STRIP POKER

world: FRENCH
The official symbol of France is

a cock and French women
cant go within five kilometres
of a beach without getting their
tits out. They single-handedly
invented sex and even their
bread is phallic. Strip poker is
just another excuse to ditch
those black turtle-neck
sweaters and bright anoraks.
109
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STRIP POKER

world: AMERICAN
Americans cant play sports

without upholstery, helmets,
brightly coloured Lycra tights
and four-hundred substitutes.
So they may be reluctant to
play a game where they have
to take off their kit, rather than
pile it on. It also means taking
time out from driving around the
place wasting petrol and
shooting animals.
110
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STRIP POKER

world: IRISH
It is too cruel to ask the Irish to

play strip poker because they
are so pale that taking off their
clothes risks exposing them to
lethal solar radiation.
111
Strip_Poker.pmd 111 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER

world: SCOTTISH
Although shell be keen to play,

it is impossible to get a Scottish
woman naked because shell
have so many scrunchies in her
hair, piercings and sovereign
rings that shell never have to
take off any actual clothes. True
Scottish men in kilts, on the
other hand, will be
disadvantaged from the start.
112
Strip_Poker.pmd 112 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER

world: WELSH
To a Welsh person strip poker

may seem like a waste of time,
since in Wales it is possible to
get laid simply by putting a
Motorsport sunstrip on your
1.1 litre Fiesta and doing a few
handbrake turns on the beach.
Unless you live in Wrexham,
where the beach is too far to
reach without calling the RAC.
113
Strip_Poker.pmd 113 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER

world: ENGLISH
Whenever its sunny, two-

hundred thousand English
families demonstrate their
collective insanity by dragging
a caravan down the M5 for a
cream tea in Devon. If more of
them stayed at home and
played strip poker it would
solve the national road
congestion problem overnight.
However, at home they are
114
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STRIP POKER
obsessed with standing in the

rain and buying up all the soggy
useless crap that other people
dont want. You may persuade
them to join in if there isnt a
car boot sale within fifty miles.
115
Strip_Poker.pmd 115 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER

world: JAPANESE
Japanese culture discourages

singling out individuals, so
when one person loses a hand,
everyone gets their kit off.
Theres no chance of anyone
getting an unwanted boner,
because Japanese people are
so stressed by overwork that
theyre completely incapable of
mustering an erection.
116
Strip_Poker.pmd 116 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER

world: SWEDISH
We have nothing but good

things to say about the
Swedes. The French may have
invented sex, but the Swedes
invented nudity, and theyre
great at it. Theyre also
uncannily bad at card games,
making Swedish women
perfect strip poker participants.
117
Strip_Poker.pmd 117 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER

world: ARABIC
Three reasons why you dont

want to invite Arab women to
play strip poker:
1. Hijab
2. Fatois
3. Jehad
118
Strip_Poker.pmd 118 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER

world: ITALIAN
As long as you dont mind the

cheating, diving under the table
clutching their legs, and having
your mother insulted, Italians
are tolerable strip poker
players. Plus they would rather
take their underwear off than be
seen in public without a smart
pair of shoes.
119
Strip_Poker.pmd 119 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
You know youre

addicted to strip
poker when . . .
You replace all the buttons on

your clothes with Velcro.
The mere sight of a Full House

triggers a Pavlovian woody.
You send out wedding

invitations instructing guests
that Aces are high.
120
Strip_Poker.pmd 120 13/09/2006, 15:23

STRIP POKER
Three important rules
There are three principles to

remember when playing strip
poker:
1. Keep your chest close to

your cards.
2. Keep your eyes moving

(dont gawp, unless
nobody is watching).
3. Never do card tricks in

front of the other players.
121
Strip_Poker.pmd 121 13/09/2006, 15:23

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Strip_Poker.pmd 122 13/09/2006, 15:23

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If you enjoyed reading this book and have any
comments to make, or suggestions
for other Little Books, please email us at:
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Randy O'Toole-Strip Poker - The Essential Handbook (2006) PDF

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Crombie Jardine

This edition was first published by

Copyright 2006, Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited

All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be

Written by Michael Powell

Printed and bound in the United Kingdom by

William Clowes Ltd, Beccles, Suffolk

Strip_Poker.pmd 2 13/09/2006, 15:22

Strip_Poker.pmd 3 13/09/2006, 15:22

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Strip_Poker.pmd 5 13/09/2006, 15:22

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Strip poker the game of

And why not? Whoever thought

Strip_Poker.pmd 7 13/09/2006, 15:22

Poker played for cash can be

If you want to see more of your

Strip_Poker.pmd 8 13/09/2006, 15:22

then how to get them where

Strip_Poker.pmd 9 13/09/2006, 15:22

What a great name

Yeah, isnt it? It does exactly

Wouldnt it be useful if other

Take cricket: until you play you

Strip_Poker.pmd 10 13/09/2006, 15:22

Rugby: the last thing you

Strip_Poker.pmd 11 13/09/2006, 15:22

Another great male

Its a safe bet that strip poker

Strip_Poker.pmd 12 13/09/2006, 15:22

The definition of a sport is a

Also, any game involving nudity

Strip_Poker.pmd 13 13/09/2006, 15:22

(e.g. darts is a game whereas

Strip_Poker.pmd 14 13/09/2006, 15:22

1.6 million BC The first

Strip_Poker.pmd 15 13/09/2006, 15:22

10,000 BC Glaciers retreat,

Strip_Poker.pmd 16 13/09/2006, 15:22

AD 1864 Poker originates in

Strip_Poker.pmd 17 13/09/2006, 15:22

As you can see, strip poker is

Strip_Poker.pmd 18 13/09/2006, 15:22

It is truly tragic that humanity

Strip_Poker.pmd 19 13/09/2006, 15:22

So who were these free-

Strip_Poker.pmd 20 13/09/2006, 15:22

Thats right. In the Wild West it

Strip_Poker.pmd 21 13/09/2006, 15:22

So what are you

Hang on a moment. You cant

Strip_Poker.pmd 22 13/09/2006, 15:22

Strip poker rrules

Strip poker is just like standard

The simplest way to play is for

The game continues until there

Strip_Poker.pmd 23 13/09/2006, 15:22

If you lose all your clothes, you

Strip_Poker.pmd 24 13/09/2006, 15:22

Standard boring non

Standard poker is played with

Strip_Poker.pmd 25 13/09/2006, 15:22

Ace, King, Queen, Jack, 10 all