Yaacoobi 1

Heela Yaacoobi

Professor Orta

English-123-2028

14 February 2017

The Beauty of Grief

In Gil Cuadross poem, 4AM we are introduced to the heart wrenching moments

followed after the immediate loss of a loved one. This poem takes the reader on an emotional

roller coaster, which is being voiced by the narrator himself. We see the stages of grief that

accompany these hard times, and we are witness the head-spinning transitions that send both the

narrator and the reader spiraling down. The author meticulously uses line breaks and poetic

devices to emphasize the narrators feelings, which adds dimension and depth to this poem.

Overall, this poem is one of the most emotionally-moving in the series.

In my opinion, the purpose of this poem was to give the reader a first-hand experience of

grief and loss. This was not only the objective in order to connect the reader with the story, but to

also humanize members of the gay community. This poem was written during a time when

society was not as accepting of gay people, and Cuadros utilizes this poem to show that the gay

community is just like everyone else. They are able to love, feel numb, feel grief, and feel pain. I

also believe that Cuadros uses his captivating writing skills to bring attention to the issue of HIV.

As seen in the poem, people connect HIV with being gay, and therefore do not treat it the same

empathy as they do with cancer or other degenerative diseases. The author uses 4AM to inform

society that gay couples struggling with HIV are the same as any other couple struggling with

any other disease. At the end of 4AM, we do not see a gay man mourning the loss of his lover,

we see a typical human response to loss, Later on people said time will heal, but the pain was
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too much to forget, his life pounded out of my head (Cuadros). The fact that the narrator is gay

cannot be seen in these lines, thus creating a sense of oneness that could bring people to relate to

the narrator and his struggle.

I wholeheartedly agree with the authors composition of this poem. As a reader, I felt like

I was right next to the narrator, going through the same exact thing that he was going through.

The poem his written in a way that clearly shows the stages of grief, and the transitions between

those stages. The beginning of the poem has a slow feeling to it, and consisted of the narrator

feeling numb and helpless. He then slips into a state of reminiscence, thinking about the times

him and John shared, and specifically, their wedding day. Reading this part of the poem made

me really happy and warm inside, but also left me feeling empty because I knew that John would

soon pass. These happy, yet unsettling, thoughts are then interrupted by a call from the nurse,

informing the narrator that John had passed away. You can see the narrator go back into his

comatose state of numbness, Its all right, theres nothing. Then, it is almost as if there is a

sharp turn in the poem, and the narrator starts to become violent, I knocked the ceramic birds

off a shelf, smashed my face into the doorjamb, again and again (Cuadros). The poem overall

reminded me of a classical musical composition, and I could hear the sharp interjections of the

violin whenever something dramatic happened. I really connected with the narrator because of

the unique way he chose to construct this poem.

This poem truly helped me evaluate my own life and helped me learned some things

about myself and about matters I had not been introduced to before. Before reading Gil

Cuadross work, I was not fond of poetry at all. These poems, along with help from close

readings and special exercises, helped me gain a new appreciation for the artform. Nevertheless,

the poem 4AM helped me connect with a special part of myself that I had never encountered
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before. After reading this poem, I realized how afraid I was of death and losing my loved ones. I

actually teared up a bit when the narrator was describing the way he felt after that life-changing

phone call he received from the nurse. Obviously, like most, I knew I did not want my loved

ones to die, but this poem arose a certain feeling that was reminiscent of pure fear and dread

which I had never experienced prior to being exposed to 4AM. I actually started to treat my

family with more respect and tried to be kinder to them the day after we read this poem together

in class. Aside from discovering new things about myself, I learned some things about the

authors struggle as well. Going into reading this series, I did not possess any knowledge on HIV,

or its toll on the victims families. I not only got a highly descriptive interpretation of the disease,

which allowed me to connect John and the narrator, but also learned about how society treated

gay people in the 1980s. 4AM was the only poem which showed the nurses as being nice and

helpful. In the other poems, the narrator described them as patronizing. This helped me learn that

in times of grief, even the people who are rude and unkind may have a change of heart, which is

achieved by empathy.

Cuadros utilized pace, line breaks, and imagery to create the emotion-packed masterpiece

that is 4AM. The poem not only displays a pure form of grief, but it also connects readers to

the struggle of HIV and those who are affected by it. Cuadros also highlights the issue of the

interpretation of homosexuality in the 1980s, and treatment of HIV patients in hospitals. The

composition of the poem evoked emotions out of me that allowed me to learn new things about

myself. 4AM was effective in helping me see things from a different perspective.

Works Cited

Cuadros, Gil. 4AM . City of God, City Lights, San Francisco, 1994.