CONTENTS

DAY 4 : FAITH
Contents............................................................................................................................1

4.1..................................................................................................................................2

4.2..................................................................................................................................4

4.3..................................................................................................................................6

4.4................................................................................................................................11

4.5................................................................................................................................12

4.6................................................................................................................................16

4.7................................................................................................................................20

4.8................................................................................................................................22

By:

The Righteous Notes

http://inkofours.blogspot.com/
 DAY 4 : FAITH

4.1
“You couldn’t. And you don’t.”

My heart skipped a beat.

The door straight down the hallway suddenly swung open. The surgery had finally ended.
I jumped off my seat and ran towards the operating room.

A doctor appeared, followed by two nurses who were fussing over Jake. I couldn’t see his
face. He was lying on the gurney, wearing an oxygen mask, with tubes everywhere.

The doctor said, “They are taking him to the post-anaesthesia care unit.”

I watched them wheeled him past.

“His oesophagus was perforated. The rupture was about 3.6 cm, but we had repaired it.
Honestly, we are baffled. No indication of blunt trauma; nor is there iatrogenic trauma.
The best guess is he suffered from Boerhaave Syndrome, but even that occurs mostly in
middle-aged group and — ”

Yada yada yada. Whatever.

I cut him off. “Will he survive?”

“Well, if no post-op complications, he will. If you had brought him here later, his survival
rate would have reduced by half.” He continued before walking away, “Not to worry, we
will keep him under strict observation.”

Thank God he is fine.

I felt a gentle touch on my upper arm. Eddie was standing next to me. “There’s really
nothing that you can do, Derek. It’s just a matter of time.” She said softly.

I pushed her hand away. “No. There must be a way to keep him safe.”

She sighed. “Stop deluding yourself. Even though he managed to avoid death now, there
will always be another time. You will see another vision of him dying and it goes on and
on until he really dies.”

“Fucking no.”

Her voice rose slightly. “Will you just accept the reality? Haven’t you seen what it could
do to Jake? Oesophagus laceration on someone perfectly healthy! What next, brain
aneurysm? You can’t stop that from happening! He will and must die.”

I grabbed her throat and hissed, “Don’t you ever, ever, fucking talk like that about Jake.
He will not die. And I won’t let him die.”

Her face reddened. She was struggling for breath. I let go of my grip and swivelled
around.

“I’m not gonna be a coward and give in to fate. Just like how you did. How you let Tanya
die.”

She didn’t reply.

We stood there in silence. I was about to walk away when she suddenly spoke.

Her voice was shaking slightly. “You think I let her die just like that? You really think so?”

Her voice grew nearer. I turned to face her. She was taking small steps towards me and
stopped just few inches away. I could see her beautiful green eyes sparkled with tears.

“I did everything that I could to stop her from dying. Everything. You don’t know what I
went through, Derek. I was only nine. And I saw visions of her dying in six different ways.
Six. You had only seen one.”

She looked away and struggled to contain her tears.

“Why— why six?” I said in a small voice. My throat felt dry.

“Tanya was supposed to die from snake bites according to the first vision. I was so
scared. I had no idea what the hell was going on. But I knew that I must stop her from
nearing the wildlife.”
She paused for a while before continuing, “And so I pretended to fall sick. She took few
days’ leave to take care of me. Later, I found out that one of her friends who covered for
her was bitten by a poisonous snake. He didn’t survive.”

“The second time, I saw her drowned. This time I knew what to do. I did anything that I
could to prevent her from nearing the water. Again, the boat she was supposed to board
capsized. A kid from my neighbourhood died.”

I wanted to say something. But I couldn’t.

She took a deep breath. “I lived in fear every single day. I didn’t want to lose her. I loved
her too much. But the hunt continued; it wouldn’t stop until it managed to take her away
from me.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away immediately.

She looked at me. Her face was blank again. With a nonchalant voice, she said, “I didn’t
have the luxury like you do now, Derek. You had people telling you about shamans— I
didn’t. I had to figure out everything all by myself.”

She took a step forward. “Take it from me. I’ve been through this. The faster he die, the
better it is. For him. For you. And for everybody else around you.”

I felt a lump rising in my throat.

“Somebody will have to die in his place. Who and how, I don’t know.” She moved even
closer and whispered in my ear, “Definitely someone around you.”

I couldn’t feel myself anymore.

She pulled herself away from me. As if nothing had happened, she said, “I’ll come back
again later.”

And she walked off.

4.2

Too many things were swirling around my mind. First, why the hell the adjustment
process involved the elimination of the loved ones? second, if that's the plan, why the
fuck granted me a vision? Wouldn't it be easier if I didn't freaking know, so I wouldn't try
to stop it? Third, if this was the requirement, why didn't all those shamans-to-be stop the
adjustment process and be an ordinary person? I meant, to bear losing someone
important in order to be a sicko inhumane creature? Really?

Why?

Why?

I had to fill in some forms in the receptionist before I got to visit Jake. He had been
transferred to the surgical ward. A brief visit, the doctor in charge had said. Jake needed
sleep. However, I had nothing in my mind right now but to stick with Jake all the time if
possible. I needed to keep him alive. Literally.

I took out the pen under my coat and just realised, it was the freaking shaman pen. And
it was burning my fingertips.

Holy shit, it was burning full force. Out of reflects I threw the pen away and it fell down to
the floor. Hard. It even bounced a little.
Something twisted inside me. Something stronger than nausea, overwhelmed me so bad,
I threw up. Just like that. It did not end there, though. My head started to pound
powerfully and my whole body's temperature seemed to rise unnaturally.

My nose started to bleed.

What's happening?

A nurse approached me and I could see she was panickly calling for assistance. I closed
my eyes, and then I realised I could not hear any sound. Everything was silenced by a
pair of invisible hands, pressing up close and tight on my both ears. I could not freaking
hear.

My mouth was suddenly clamped shut. Forced to be. Something, something was trying to
shut me off.

The next thing I realised was, my nose stopped taking in air. My lungs started to burn
from the lack of oxygen. My skin grew cold. The nurse was trying to tell me something.
Some other staffs tried to move me away. A janitor came over too to clean up my mess.

Nobody seemed to notice I was this close to dying. My eyes would be ripped out next. I
was sure of it.

Shit.

I'm not gonna die. Jake needed me.

Wait, maybe if I died then Jake would not have to die? No more sacrifices.

Right?

"DEREK!" The foreign voice pierced through my ear-drum.

And my lungs worked again.

I sucked in air like nobody's business. My ears rang loudly from the absence of silence.
My bones seemed to pick up strength. So I tried stood up, and shook away my dizziness.
Who called me? I struggled a little to stand straight on my both feel, which had grown
numb earlier.

I slowly turned around.

Gabe was looking tensed and seriously different.

I did not know how different, he just looked, unfamiliar. He still had messy hair that stuck
out all direction, creepy blue eyes that stared all the time, and crumpled washed out
jeans and T-shirt as outfit.

But something felt not right.

Wait.

Gabe actually talked?

"Did you, did you just call me?" I produced a rather unmanly squeak.
"Yeah!" He growled, then stomped angrily towards me. He grabbed my collar and
slammed me onto the nearest wall and hissed, "Don't you even dare, ever again, think of
giving up."

Well, this was scary. Too many weird things happening within days, my brain and senses
had refused to process the information and hence, the output I could manage the best is
to stare.

Gabe let me go and I slided down till I sat down fully on the floor. He then went on
shooing the nurses away. The next time he kneeled down and faced me, he slipped the
pen back under my coat.

"Take good of it, Derek. You might really die next time. " He said. I looked at him blankly.

What the hell was happening? I had too many questions right now I did not even know
which ones I truly wanted the answers for.

"How could you, I thought you didn't talk? And what're you doin' here?" I asked Gabe. He
pulled me up and pat my back hard.

"Later, we gotta see Jake now." He said.

4.3

He put his arm around me and walked me to Jake’s room. My head was filled with
burning questions.

We had to wear a cover gown and wash our hands before going into the ward. My heart
clenched when I saw a vulnerable Jake lying on the bed. All because of me; because I was
moronic enough to pick up that pen.

I clasped his hand. Tight. You’ve got to pull this through, Jake.

“He will be fine for now. At least until you get your next vision,” said Gabe.

I shook my head incredulously. God, why does everybody seem to know everything,
except for me?

He put a hand on Jake’s forehead and muttered under his breath. I couldn’t catch a word.
They sounded like a.. chant. When he was done, something glowed underneath his palm.
Jake, who remained unconscious, winced in pain and gasped for breath. His heart rate
shown on the monitor was jumping wildly. I held out a hand to interfere, but then, his
breathing eased. Everything went back to normal.

Gabe closed his eyes. He seemed exhausted. After a while, he said, “That’s all I can do.
Not enough to heal him completely, but he will make a speedy recovery.”

I released a breath that I didn’t realise I was holding. “Are you – Are you a shaman too?” I
asked him.

He nodded.

I let go of Jake’s hand and stepped closer to Gabe. I could feel my temper rising. “Then
you should have known this coming. You knew Jake was gonna die. Why didn’t you stop
it?” My voice was shaking from anger.
He was unperturbed. In a low voice, he said, “Because there is no way to stop it from
happening.”

I almost spat at him. “You are just like that son of a bitch.”

Gabe kept quiet. I glared at him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill Eddie. I wanted to
kill every single shaman.

“Killing us out of rage will not keep Jake alive, Derek.”

My jaw dropped. “But how— ?”

He stared at me and continued calmly, “’Cause I can read your mind.”

I was at loss for words. Heck, if he could really read into my mind, I wouldn’t even need
to talk to him in the first place.

A matronly-looking nurse entered the room. “Your 5 minutes is up.”

I snapped out from my shocked state and mumbled ‘Okay’. I took a last glance at Jake
and whispered into his ear. Stay alive.

We got out from the ward without speaking. I knew Gabe was looking at me, but I
couldn’t meet his gaze. It was all too much.

He broke the silence. “Time is running out, Derek. Snap out of it. Think of who might be
in danger now.”

Right. It had totally slipped my mind. Damn.

I felt adrenaline pumping. Who? When? How? Where do I start? I took out my cell phone
and started fumbling with the keypad. I had better check on my family.

Nobody picked up the house phone, so I called Felicia, my elder stepsister. She was
married to a pilot and lived just less than a block away from my parents. I assumed they
stayed overnight to take care of her and my newly-born nephew, since my brother-in-law
spent most of his time flying.

Oh, come on, pick up the phone. I clicked my tongue impatiently. I wasn’t paying
attention to my surrounding and bumped my kneecap on a bench. It sent an electric jolt.

“Fuck!” I swore loudly.

Two medical trainees standing nearby turned to look at me. They were frowning
disapprovingly.

“What are you looking, huh? Can’t I even swear when my buddy is dying soon from some
fucking sha— ”

“Hey, hey. Easy there, dude.” Gabe grabbed my arms and pulled me away. I could see
him mouthing ‘Sorry, he is drunk’ to the trainees out of the corner of my eyes.

We reached the elevator and waited. He didn’t say a thing. I continued to try calling Feli.
When the elevator came, he pushed me inside, closed the door and hissed, “Just what
the hell were you thinking of, dude? You want attention? You want everybody to know
about shamans?”
I cut off the call and hissed back. “What was I thinking of? You should ask yourself. Aren’t
you a psychic, a mighty mind-reader shaman?”

He huffed in annoyance. “Oh, what now, you’re pissed ‘cause I can read minds and you
don’t?”

I had had enough. “I’m pissed ‘cause you intrude into my mind. I’m pissed ‘cause you
and Eddie left Jake to die. I’m pissed ‘cause you lied.” I moved a step closer to Gabe for
every sentence I said. He didn’t flinch.

“And I’m pissed ‘cause I started all this.” I punched into the wall behind him.

The door opened. We had reach the ground floor. I stormed out of the elevator and
headed to my car. It’s still dark outside.

Gabe tried to catch up with me. “Look, Derek. I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t know you would
activate the magic.”

“Yeah, right. You should have known it when I gave you the damned pen. Aren’t you
shamans good in feeling the magic?”

“No— Yes, I could feel the pen. But I wasn’t sure if it was transferred to you, until the day
before. When I looked you guys up from the Coles, remember?”

Ah. The day after I had my first nightmare.

He added, sounding slightly breathless, “Besides, reading minds ain’t as simple as you
think to be. I need to look you in the eyes. Like now, I don’t know what the hell you’re
thinking of.”

I halted abruptly. “You wanna know what the hell I’m thinking of?” I turned around. “No
need to use your freaking superpower. I’ll tell you.”

“You had better come with me; spill out everything that you know about shamans and
how to save Jake. Leave nothing out.” I strode back to my car.

“And no more lies.”

***

I still couldn’t get reach Feli. Or my parents. Neither could Chloe, my younger sister. So
there I was; ten past four in the morning and well on my way to San Francisco to look for
them.

Gabe was sitting next to me. He was yawning non-stop, but I wouldn’t let him sleep. Not
before he tells me everything.

“Why did you feign mute and lied to everyone?” I asked him.

He yawned again. “Dude, for the umpteenth time tonight, I’m sorry I lied, okay? I had to.
I need to know who’s who. The shamans, which clan, what magic.”

I was still not satisfied by his answer. “You’re not answering my question.”

“Because dude, pure shamans like me are precious gems. Even more precious than
orang-utans. I can do many kind of magic, which is rarely found on half-shamans like
you. Or Eddie.”
I frowned. “You knew she was a shaman?”

He heaved a sigh. “Yeah, I do. From the first day she moved in to the neighbourhood.
She was only what, 8, 9? I knew she could fly. And change her appearances.”

“What? You mean, like, a Metamorph? How did you know that?” I almost choked.

“Uh-huh. But she can only change her facial features, not whole body. How, obviously I
saw it change before. Only once, though. When they dropped her here. She walked past
by when I took the trash out. Her eyes were brown. Next day I saw her, they turned
green.” He chuckled. “Smart girl, she is. Changed it so she can pretend to be Tanya’s
biological daughter.”

Crap. “How could you know about Tanya?” I casted him a suspicious look through the
mirror. “You read into their minds?”

He smiled. “Well, not really. I read into Eddie’s.”

“No wonder. Isn’t that handy, just swim into someone’s head and fish for info.” I said
sarcastically.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Dude. I’ve told you before, it ain’t simple as you think. I can only
read into someone’s mind without being noticed if that person is off-guard. And Eddie
was. She didn’t know that I was a shaman, too. Like when I saw you few days back. And
you called me a freak.”

Which you are, I added. In my mind, of course. He couldn’t read it since I was focusing on
my driving.

“Anyway, if I try to go into your mind now, you will feel it, ‘cause you know. Most
shamans know. I bet Eddie does now.”

Red light. I turned to face Gabe. “What about this pure and non-pure shamans thing?
What’s the difference?”

“You see,” he said, “People who are born shamans usually have more powerful magic
than those transferred to non-shamans. We can do more things, too. Each individual
differs. I’m sure you’ve found out about the rebirth process. If you’re lucky, you will get
most of the magic out of the object. Mostly are like Eddie, though, only a fraction of it
that got recreated.”

My hand automatically reached for the pen. “What’s so lucky with owning this freaking
magic?” I swerved the car to the right and added bitterly, “What’s so lucky with losing
your loved one for this freaking magic? I don’t need any magic.”

Gabe put a hand on my shoulder. He said softly, “I know you feel guilty about Jake,
Derek. But I really don’t know how to stop it from happening.”

I shrugged him off. “How would you know? You didn’t even have to lose anyone because
of some stupid magical object.”

He took his hand off and leaned back against his seat.

“Sorry.”

He didn’t say a thing. His face looked rather forlorn.

“Derek,” he suddenly said. “I caused my wife and child to die.”

I was stunned. I stopped the car and stared at him speechlessly.

He continued quietly. “After the war ended, I moved to New York. I took part-time jobs
and studied as a vet. That’s how I knew Jane. We graduated and got married. Everything
went well.”

“I had totally forgotten about the object or shamans. I just wanted to be normal. Until
one day. Jane came home happily and shared a bizarre story. She said that she went
shopping with her friends and spotted this bracelet, but the shop assistant insisted it
wasn’t theirs. So in the end she took it home.” He paused for a while before adding,
“That night she got a nightmare about shamans.”

I held my breath.

“I felt the magic; I knew what was going to happen. But there was nothing I could do. I
did research, seek for help from fellow shamans that I met.. It was too late. It’s time for a
sacrifice. I was supposed to die in a car crash. But I healed myself. It took my child
instead. Jane had a miscarriage.”

He buried his face in his hands. “I told her the truth. That I’m a shaman, and she was
becoming one. That she lost the baby ‘cause of it. She couldn’t accept it and hanged
herself.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“I shouldn’t have told her. I shouldn’t even have healed myself. If I had died there and
then, they would be alive now.”

I gripped his shoulder gently. “It’s not your fault.”

“Of course it was. I was a freaking selfish guy. I let them die.”

We sat there in silence. I rubbed my temples. My brain was going to explode. It’s really
too much for me to digest.

“Wait, wait. It doesn’t make sense. You said you graduated as a vet. And your wife.. And
you saw Eddie when she moved in. Just how freaking old are you?”

He smirked. “Hazard a guess?”

I examined his face. “You look twenty-something.. Damn, man, you’re a freak. You can
change your appearance, too? That’s so creepy. You guys are.”

He grinned.

Sweet Lord. I’m going crazy soon.

I rubbed my face. I needed a coffee; better yet, sleep. “I don’t understand it. Out of so
many people, why was it your wife who stumbled upon the bracelet? Why was it me who
saw the pen? Why wasn’t it Jake or the agent or anyone?” I said bemusedly.

Gabe cleared his throat. “This might sound ridiculous; but I believe it’s not you who
activated the magic. It’s the other way round. The object chose you.”

“But why me?”

“I don’t know yet. And I don’t know how to stop it from killing Jake or anyone around
you.” His grin had vanished totally and he was looking at me earnestly. “But we will
figure it out. We will.”

And I trusted him.

***

4.4

Time for a bit of Jake’s background.

On the surface, he might be just another smart, but extremely fussy, sentimental and
health-conscious nerd. Someone that’s always sitting alone at the farthest corner of
class, mumbling to himself about some alien theories. Someone who was often bullied in
class and never fought back. Someone who would suddenly barge into your class, with
an automated gun in each hand and started shooting everybody. Someone you would
never choose as lab partner and absolutely avoided talking to, unless you had no other
choice.

Yeah, I couldn’t blame you for thinking that way. He did fit all the descriptions above.
Except for the shooting part. Jake wouldn’t even think of hurting anyone.

If I had not the chance to know him more, I would share the same thinking as you. But I
had. And though I would never admit it to anyone, the best thing that had ever happened
to me in life was meeting Jake.

Soon after the punching incident, we became inseparable. I would take care of him and
protect him as I would do to my own brother. Like how I would do to Sean. A brother that
I once had and lost. If anyone dared to bully him, I would beat them to a pulp. Literally.

Jake was the only child in the family; his mum was an ordinary housewife, his dad a
professor. Yes, you heard me right. He was the reason why Jake’s so obsessed with
professors. Jake absolutely looked up to him; he practically treated his dad as God. Every
aspect of his life was shaped by his dad’s influences and thoughts. But the only problem
was, the feeling wasn’t mutual.

A smart-ass himself, he had high expectations of everybody and never seemed to be

satisfied with Jake. I had never heard him complimenting Jake before. Not even once. Not
even when he topped the whole school during senior high. His dad only managed a grunt
and a ‘Good’, but that’s more than enough for Jake. He grinned from ear to ear for the
next couple of weeks.

It pained me to see how hard Jake had to try to impress his own dad. And it pained me
even more to see Jake giving up on painting. He was seriously a gifted artist and he
loved it. But well, his dad – again – thought art was nonsense, a route chosen by no-
brainer, with not much future in hold.

I really didn’t know what the hell was wrong with his dad. He got a multi-talented son and
still not satisfied? Either he needed to learn how to express his emotions better or he was
an asshole. I was pretty convinced it was the latter, but I couldn’t tell Jake. Once, the
sentence ‘Your dad is a freaking moron’ accidentally slipped out from my mouth. Jake
refused to talk to me for two days afterwards.
His mum, on the other hand, had always encouraged Jake. A kind and friendly lady; she
was also a talented artist, more towards the performing arts. She quit her job as a
performer soon after marriage to care for Jake. But the pressure was taking its toll on her
and she decided to walk out, leaving him behind when he was in junior high.

She never forgot about Jake, though. They met up once or twice a month. I heard she
recently opened a dance studio at East Bay with her new partner. I believed she was the
reason why Jake was so enthusiastic to enrol in UC Berkeley; so that they could meet up
more frequently.

After his mom left, Jake pretty much stopped talking to his dad. Not totally, but like, less
than twenty words in a week? His dad barely stayed at home; he spent most of his time
in his office. In rare occasions where he came home before midnight, he would hole up in
his study room. Nobody knew what he was so busy with.

If I were Jake, I would not even be bothered with his dad. Perhaps I would hate him. But
Jake wasn’t like me. Despite of the way his dad treated him, he still loved and respected
him. Jake was convinced that his dad just wanted the best for him. And not dishing out
compliments was his way to drive Jake to do even better.

Jake was really too kind for his own good. He never held grudges, and he was a loyal
friend, too. You could count on him for anything. If you ever needed any help or landed in
some kind of trouble, he would do whatever he could to help you. And it’s not a good
thing.

That’s how he ended up with death hot on his tail right now.

***

4. 5
I parked my car at my dad's bungalow at Alma's Place.

Gorgeous neighbourhood, lovely gardens and well taken-care public carparks and
playground for children. The houses were almost literal realisations of the dream houses
from fairy-tale story book. Brick walls, gates or fences made of wooden plank painted in
shiny white, petite bushes and dilligently arranged flowers pots.

The landscape was a work of art. Mountains and hills from afar, countless trees in various
shape and shades of green, golden yellow to maroon red lined up neatly at every corner
of narrow grass field in between every houses or bungalow. Antique bronze street lamps
were lit up when we passed by the uphill-sloped pathway just now.

If only I was in a mood to admire the scenery, I'd probably do so. But I was not. The sun
had not risen yet, anyway. Could not see a thing. Everything was cool and dead instead
of lovely or embracing.

Screw this. I wanted to wake up from this dream.

"Get up." I said, eyeing Gabe from the corner of my eye. Gabe was still snoring loudly.
Totally ignoring how heavy and tired my voice was. I sighed.

“Gabe. Wake the hell up. We're here!" I shouted.

He flinched a little, then jolted upwards so fast his knees hit the dashboard and his head
the car roof.
"Damn! What the..." He swore. I grinned. Gabe threw me an annoyed look and hissed
painfully while rubbing at his knees. I patted his head and smirked.

“Let's really hope a nice bruise will color your scalp and knees. Now get the hell out." I
said, and pushed him hard to the car door. He pushed my hand back and frantically
opened the car door.

"Once again you treat me like I'm your pet or something, you'll regret you've met me."
He said when he got out of the car.

I unfastened my seat belt and climbed out, before telling him, "Not very threatening, isn't
it? And you called that an ultimatum? I've regretted seeing you since 4 days ago, man.
Anything new?"

Gabe rolled his eyes and waved his hand to the bungalow's main door.

"Whatever, big boy. Now let's check on your family." He said.

"I've called home before we reached. My parents were fine. They decided not to stay
overnight at Feli's place." I told Gabe.

We jogged to the main door. The house looked dark from outside, but before we
managed a knock or bell-ringing, the door swung open.

Both of us nearly fell flat on our butts.

My dad looked at us with his searching eyes and sharp stare. I gulped a lung full of air
before slowly approaching him. His eyes never left me.

“Hi, dad." I whispered. He still stared.

When it came to my dad, nobody in this world, on this earth, would ever beat him in
demonstrating how determined one could force another to talk just by staring. He looked
so much older than the last time I saw him; a year ago, during summer holiday too.
However, facial lines on the forehead that resulted in a permanent frown on his face,
wrinkles and freckles, pale and greyed eyebrows did not harm his charisma and wisdom
he showed every second.

"What is it, son?" He asked. I swallowed. His expression was hard to read and I blamed
the darkness. The front lamp was on, but it just was not enough.

"Sir." Gabe was suddenly beside me, extending his hand. My dad's stare quickly shifted
to Gabe.

Idiot. I mourned inwardly. This would not turn out good. Dad did not like being
interrupted when he was talking. Or in this case, asking and expecting an answer from
the person in question, me.

Wait, now Gabe got to read my dad's mind. How charming.

"Who are you, boy?" Dad asked Gabe. He did not accept the hand. Gabe retrieved the
gesture back and slip his hand back to his sweatshirt's pocket.

"It's Gabriel, sir. Gabe. Derek's friend." Gabe somehow managed to look composed and
not break the eye contact with dad; which I had no idea since when it was already there.
Seriously? It took enormous courage and extreme willpower to look at my dad in his
eyes. Not to mention to maintain it. Not to say when his hand-shake was rejected. But he
got to read dad's thought.

But given my dad's authoritative personality, maybe he knew his mind was being
watched? Really?

No shit, Sherlock. I did not know I should be angry or annoyed. I did not make sense
anymore.

Gabe had got nerves issues. There was a thick silence that followed after the introduction
from Gabe. And I prayed to whoever and whatever, that nothing would harm Gabe. Or
maybe he could, deserved to be harmed, just a little.

To my surprise, my dad extended his hand and said, "Howard Lod McKinson. Call me Mr.
McKinson."

Well, would all prayers from shaman; or shaman-to-be; always be fulfilled? Because there
was nothing else that could justify my dad being acceptive to a stranger. A strange
stranger like Gabe.

Gabe quickly shook my dad's hand, and like it was commanded. Both of them turned to
look at me.

I guessed that was the cue for me to start explaining why the hell we were here. I did not
explain much to my dad through the phone just now. I only told him I would be dropping
by, to check on everyone. "Now?" I remembered my dad's grumble.

So I cleared my throat and rubbed my palms together nervously. Before I could start,
Gabe suddenly announced, still holding my dad's hand, "Let us go inside, Derek, Mr.
McKinson. It's rather chilly out here. Derek could use a little warmth from your home."

Smooth and sleek. Gabe seemed to have read my thoughts that probably said, "Shit, I'm
not sharing shaman stories to my dad at 5am in the morning."

Gabe had totally charmed my dad. Dad nodded his head in agreement and motioned at
us to move inside.

***

"So, what did my dad think when we arrived?" I asked Gabe.

We were in my old room. I rested on my bed while Gabe was somewhere in the corner. I
let the lights off.

Dad had told us that Feli and my nephew was sleeping over here. They were fine. Mom
was asleep when we came, she got up for awhile to make sure we had enough blanket
and hot chocolate drink before going back to bed. Chloe slept throughout. Dad had made
me promise to tell him everything that bothered me, during breakfast.

Time now was 5.55am. And Gabe was watching me. I could somehow see and feel it.

I looked away, "Seriously, dude. You should stop staring."

Gabe laughed weakly. "Sorry, man. It's kinda habitual."

"To read someone else's mind? How noble." I said.

"Whatever. Listen. Your dad was fully concerned in your well-being. That's what I know so
far. A pure fatherly instinct. A very nice man." Gabe said.

My room was dark, so it was fortunate that Gabe did not see how my eye balls are close
to popping out of their sockets.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Yeah." He reaffirmed. I rolled my eyes.

"So tell, me, pop. All the things that I don't know. Spare nothing." I said. My eyes were
tired, not to mention my muscles ached so badly, I just wanted sleep. My whole self was
exhausted. Inside out.

"Whatever you want. Start asking." Gabe said.

I sat up straight and took a deep breath. Here it comes. All the facts. Whether or not I
was ready.

"Why the fuck me?" I asked.

"No idea." I could make out the shape of Gabe shrugging. I punched the pillow I was
hugging. I waited some more. Who knew the bastard was being a bastard? But no more
answers. I left it out and proceeded.

"Why must someone be killed in the process?"

Silence. For a full minute. Then it broke me.

"You know what, I..." I wanted to start screaming and probably burn some houses to calm
down.

"Because, you need a spirit." Gabe's icy cold voice sounded so foreign to me I actually
halted my curses and paused my moves.

"What?" I whispered. Because, I need a spirit? A spirit as in spirit, or spirit as in good-

mood-live-your-life-happily spirit?

Gabe huffed. I switched on the lamp on the nightstand. The light gave me a better view
of Gabe's expression. And surprise. He was staring at me.

I threw him a pillow. "Dude! No staring and reading mind! Ever heard of privacy?" I
scolded.

Gabe dodged the pillow and very quickly, like hurriedly, stood up and stomped towards
me. He clasped my mouth using his palm and, well, given his small build, this guy was
pretty freaking strong. He pushed me all the way to the wall and I thought he was gonna
kill me. The intent was strong as shit.

"Derek, you need to trust me." He hissed. My eyes were wide open, listening to his every
word. I tried to move his hand, grabbing his wrist so hard it would leave bruises. But he
did not move a muscle.

So I nodded. Slowly, he let go of me. We sat in silence on my bed like that for about two
minutes. Or ten. I did not know. I lost track of time. I was just tired.

"Whatever was that for?" I asked.

"I need you to stay calm." So I looked at him. I'll try. He got it.

Then he closed my eyelids and everything was pitch-black.

***

4.6

When I woke up, it was 8 in the morning. And I got everything. I gradually moved my
arms and shoulders, nudging my upper body up. I noticed Gabe was standing near my
room door. Watching me.

I could not feel a thing, nor could I think clearly.

"Well?" Gabe asked. I rubbed my face. The sun had risen. Breakfast. I needed to tell my
dad, did I?

"Don't worry about your dad. Just tell him that you're homesick or whatever. It's too early
and.. difficult to tell anyone about this." Gabe said.

Great, so he could read my mind even when I was not looking at him now?

"And I am not reading anyone's mind now. Your look gave it away." He further stated.

Okay. Whatever you said, weirdo.

"So", I started, climbing down my bed.

"You transferred all what you know to me just now?" I asked.

Gabe nodded, "Not all, just those that you need to know. For now." He added.

I sat down on the armchair and stared at the ceiling.

Why everything had to be as crappy as this?

"One question, then. Is Tanya Eddie's spirit, then?" I asked. Gabe slowly walked towards
me and I shifted my sight on him. He looked terribly worn-out.

"No, Derek. She rejected the idea and hence, letting go of Tanya forever. For good." He
answered. Letting the spirit go will definitely be the best thing to do, for the spirit. The
soul would rest and be reincarnated when the karma matched the timing and other
dimension. Whatever it meant. I did not freaking understand.

However, It didn't mean that being a spirit for the half-shaman is a cursed occupation.
It's a one-life deal. And according to Gabe, the feeling between the watcher and watched
one was always mutual. They held on to each other willingly. When the half-blood
shaman died, the spirit would finally rest in peace too.

But this prospect did not appeal to me at all. The idea of Jake being dead and hovering
around me in the form or an energy or spirit was a totally unacceptable concept. Besides,
it was painful to let him die just like that, to let him have no power at all in even being
alive. Even some animals received protection from government and animals right
organisation.
"She could do that?" I whispered. "Even though she knew she'd be incomplete without a
spirit to support and keep her magic on track?"

"Yeah." Gabe said. "She learned a great deal in controlling her magic. Her grandma and
stepsisters make sure of it by offering her a thing so rare it almost doesn't exist,
unconditional love. Eddie hangs on all this while thanks to her family."

I saw that. Sometimes, you could not feel loved by your own mother. Then I thought of
Jake. Or probably your father too.

I gathered my thought once again. I needed to see Jake. Badly. I looked at Gabe and
thought, "It'd be Jake, wouldn't it? Afterall, he's the most treasured in my life."

"If that's what you think, then yes." He said. What was I thinking. Why did I even think of
leaving Jake? Of course I love my parents, my sisters and nephew, but Jake is Jake. He
was like my other self already.

If he disappeared, I would no longer exist too. It was him who'd gonna be taken.

I grabbed my coat.

***

We were back driving to Berkeley. Gabe sat beside me in silence. My dad was not happy
at all with my sudden appearance and leaving. Gabe had take the trouble to draw some
invisible sigils around the bungalow. Just in case anything bad happened to my family,
they'd be protected till I found them. Not for too long though. 20 minutes were given at
most.

The drive felt painfully long this time. I wished so hard I could just wave my hand and I'd
be transported somewhere in no time. But when I think of the possibility of being able to
do that as I was becoming a shaman, I changed my mind.

Driving is better. More humane and normal. How I wished to be normal now.

The hospital was still deserted. I walked straight to the receptionist and bad news, we
could not visit Jake. The hospital had contacted his parents last night, which I totally
forgot to do.

Jake's mom had been here earlier. She was allowed a very short visit. I groaned.

I felt really terrible. Jake's mom was a lovely woman, a mother I wish I was a child of.
How heart-breaking this must be for her.

Gabe handed me a cup of coffee. We were at the hospital canteen, plotting our next
move.

"You're telling Jake?" He asked.

"Yeah. Telling him everything. Get him all excited. He loves these stuffs." I said.

"Okay." Gabe said again. I did not say a thing.

"If only we could summon the already existing spirit. Jake won't have to die." I told
myself. I could feel Gabe eyeing me. We both knew this was not the case for the half-
blood shaman or a total foreigner in the universe of shaman.
It had to be the person you trusted so deep and whole the feeling went beyond realm of
blood-relatedness or superficial thing like romantic relationship. It was something
truthfully sacred. Because being a half shaman required even more dosage of power
from his spirit to keep him himself. Not to be cannibalised by his own magic, in other
words, to be a possessed shaman that in some extreme cases, would have to be burned
to death.

Not many cases of this happened, nobody really knew exactly what a possessed shaman
was. Just a belief that he'd cause terrible destruction. I was thinking of some self-
destruction explosion like that of time-bomb or some cool space ships.

I nursed my coffee cup. "The first day I saw your house, there was this movement inside
the oak tree. That's your spirit?" I asked.

Gabe's eyes rolled up and looked straight into mine, correction, my mind. I raised my
eyebrows.

Then slowly he nodded.

"What's it do? Like, what special ability it has?" I asked again. Gabe huffed a laugh.

"You mean, he?" I frowned.

"Whatever you said, man." I answered.

"Currently, there're no wars going on, or at least not that we know. So he's just my
guardian angel, in a sense." I understood that as 'he was able to do many cool stuffs but
I was not going to tell you'.

I sipped my coffee. "Boring huh, no battles. Is that as bad as being unemployed?" I

murmured.

"I'm a pure shaman, Derek. It was his job to guard us, our family's bloodline, me.
Whether or not I am fighting a battle. You know the spirit is needed by us to keep us
sane from the overwhelming magic we possess. Especially when you're a hard-core
shaman."

I chuckled then. Sane? Keep us sane? Like how the hell were we not insane? How the hell
the spirit actually keep you sane anyway? Gabe told me I'd know it if I'd experience it
myself.

"He was already around since I don't even know when. One of our bloodline's guardian
spirits." He continued.

"Yeah ok. Only when you were married to a non-shaman, will the spirit be dispersed back
to the universe. But you were married once. Why is he still here?" I asked again. Gabe
transferred some stuffs to my brain earlier, but not his past. I just wanted to ask, whether
or not he'd let me know, was another thing.

Gabe looked at me again. He sighed and gulped down his tea.

"He didn't leave me at all. Even when I got married. Even when my wife was pregnant,
even when she picked the bracelet up." Gabe was talking to himself.
"Then I knew, I should have known. He felt it. He knew my wife's life wouldn't last long.
He knew within a short time, I'd be alone again. So he didn't leave at all. Not when it was
so predictable that I was gonna need him again so soon."

"I thought it was just some coincidence, some mistakes maybe. Rua has been with me
since I can remember. Maybe he just wanted to stay a little bit longer. I already thought
of saying goodbye to him, finally being a normal person with a soul-mate to keep me
loved and feeling normal, and I was not even planning to transfer my magic to my kid. I
hid the object. Not wanting my wife and my soon-to-be-born son to even see it. So the
magic won't transfer." Gabe was kind of gasping for breath. Oxygen that seemed to be
lacking for him.

"But when everyone died, the magic came back to me. Rua never left my side."

I stared at my coffee. Didn't this suck?

"Why didn't he tell you?" I asked.

"It was not his job to tell me. And when it comes to this procedural occurance, all spirits,
have no control over them." Gabe said.

And my glass slipped out of my fingers. It fell down and produced a loud clank before
breaking into some large pieces on the floor. The coffee spilled and stained the tiles. But
I didn't care. Some of the liquid spill on my jeans and it sipped through it. The hot coffee
burned my skin underneath. But again, I didn't care.

Them. Them. The real killers and murderers.

"Don't lose it, Derek." Gabe warned. He was totally intruding my thoughts. But I did not
fucking care. I let loose all my emotion and Gabe absorbed it all.

"You know that's crazy, don't you? You'd get killed." His voice was harsh.

And? Letting Jake die is a better idea? Or letting Jake die and letting him go altogether?

Gabe was quiet. He was still staring.

Jake does not deserve to die at all to begin with.

"I'd rather die trying. Hell, I'd even save Jake's life whether or not I made it alive." And
that's final.

I was not going to let some troops of ancient powers to control my and Jake's life, and
probably other unfortunate souls out there who were cursed enough to be chosen by the
shaman magic to be shamans.

"You see, that's where we differ, Gabe." I said. Suddenly I was certain I could conquer
this shit.

"I take responsibility and control on my freaking life, seek answers for questions rather
than submit to the fucking destiny. 'Cos if we don't shape our own destiny, then nobody
else does." I told him.

Gabe was downright speechless. His mouth agape.

"We won't get to see Jake till tomorrow night, I think we should go home and catch some
sleep."

***

4.7

I lied.

Not really. I did go home, after I dropped Gabe off. For less than two minutes. Just to park
my car. I flagged a cab and alighted one block away from Palmwood neighbourhood. I
walked the rest of the distance to Jake’s place.

After making sure that nobody’s watching, I slipped into his backyard and tampered with
the doorknob. It was the simple, traditional round type. Matt, my neighbour in SF, had
taught me how to. His father was a locksmith. They moved to Canada years back and we
had not kept in touch since.

It clicked open almost instantly. Easy-peasy. I made a mental note: If we survive this,
remind Jake to buy a better lock.

I opened the door and stepped inside. It was a warm summer day, but the air inside the
house was so chilly that it made me shiver. I was half-expecting something to appear –
ghost, spirit, chupa-thing, anything – so I could strangle them. Figuratively speaking. To
my chagrin, nothing happened.

I walked to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. It was the fourth cup of the day;
and the sun had not even reached its highest point yet. Not only keeping myself alert,
somehow drinking coffee calmed me down too. Just like how chocolate worked for some
people.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I sipped the steaming hot black coffee and observed
the interior. Trying to spot anything unusual.

I had decided to find the identity of the darned pen’s previous owner, his or her
background. And this house would make a good starting point. After all, this was where I
made the first contact with the pen.

I needed to know what’s there for me first. What magic. You know what they say, know
thy self, know thy enemy.

Gabe had told me it was extremely risky. Without a spirit to keep my sanity on track, I
could end up possessed and went berserk. But I had to try. I’d rather risk being
possessed and die, than let them take Jake away. At least I died trying.

I was pretty sure that I could take care of myself without help from any freaking spirit.
And I could do even better with a living, solid Jake by my side than him floating around
me constantly in some silvery, semi-transparent fog-like human shape. No, I had no idea
how spirit looked like, but that’s how it should be according to Ghost Whisperer.

Besides, if Eddie could do it, so could I.

I set the coffee down on the counter and took the pen out from my pocket. I mulled over
the possibilities again.
Who could the owner be?

I ran my thumb along the smooth surface of the wood veneer.

Think, Derek. Think.

I gripped the pen hard with my left hand. Why me?

It started to grow warm. I opened my palm and watched it with astonishment. The pen
was glowing. Before I even realised it, it turned into flame red, like a piece of burning
coal. And it was scorching hot now.

My first instinct was to hurl the pen onto the floor, but I couldn’t move a muscle.

I was totally paralysed. Not by fear. Something stopped me.

The flame – no, whatever that was glowing – pierced into my skin and shot up my left
arm; spreading to my whole body almost instantly. I felt the fire burning from within.

I opened my mouth, but no sound was made. Or maybe I did. I couldn’t hear anything,
except for the buzzing silence.

I felt the hot breath coming out from my mouth and nose. Even through the gaps in my
eye sockets. The problem was, nothing came in.

I need air.

My eyes began to tear profusely from the burning heat. I couldn’t freaking see anything.
The tears felt like acid. They seeped into the pores and were melting my face.

The fire inside me grew stronger. I imagined my internal organs blackened and
shrivelled, slowly reduced into ashes.

Help me.

Something wrenched my arms. I could feel the tendons ripped forcefully from the bones.
And they weren’t there anymore.

Then a pair of phantom sharp claws dug into my skull and ripped it apart.

It was excruciatingly painful. I thought I was gonna die when it happened in the hospital.
This one even worse. I could had died ten times.

I howled. Just kill me.

Something exploded.

Suddenly I was free. I collapsed onto the floor, barely feeling the existence of my body.

I struggled to keep my eyes open. My eyelids fluttered. Everything was a blur and in
black-and-white. They were hurting like hell, too.

‘You’.

Did I hear wrongly? My ears were still filled with buzz.

A shadow fell across my face. I squinted, but I couldn’t make out what I was seeing. If it
was actually real.
The shadow moved closer to me. I heard the voice again. A deep male voice. It didn’t
sound quite like from the outside. It seemed so far, yet so near.

The voice was resonating inside my head.

It repeated again. ‘It’s you.’

A hand reached out to me.

Chants.

I felt my eyes slowly rolled back and I was thrown into nothingness.

***

4.8

Hmm.

I was lying on something soft. Smelt good, too. Light, fresh scent that was once so
familiar to me.

Bliss.

I felt the warmth of the sunlight upon my face and slowly opened my eyes.

Where am I?

I squinted into the light. Someone was running and laughing merrily at the same time. I
held my breath.

It was Sean.

He was wearing his Batman pyjamas and hands clutching a teddy bear. His favourite
teddy bear that I won for him from arcade.

He took small, but hurried steps towards me. I was struck speechless. This couldn’t be
happening.

He stopped next to me. I looked at him and realised I was on the bed. My old bed.

I brought my hands closer to eyes. They were shrunk. I glanced around and spotted
Nolan Ryan’s signed baseball card on the nightstand. I had only owned them for less than
a month before Rocky, my Labrador, decided to taste it. So, no, I wasn’t shrunk. I was
seven year-old again.

Which meant Sean was alive!

He was still standing by my bedside and gave me his adorable almost-toothless grin.
How I missed him.

“Beh-beh,” he said as he extended his teddy bear to me. “Beh-beh fo’ Daay-lek.”

Bear-bear for Derek.

I choked back a tear. I reached out my hands to hug him, when I heard my mum shouted
from downstairs, “Sean, Derek, time for breakfast!”

Sean turned away and headed to the door with his tiny footsteps. “Mama. Eat-eat.” He
pointed his pudgy forefinger to his face and continued, still smiling, “Sean. Daay-lek.
Beh-beh. Eat-eat.”

I tried getting off from the bed and joined him, but I couldn’t. My legs were stuck under
the blanket.

Sean was getting farther and farther away from me. No, don’t leave.

My mum called out again. She was getting closer. “Dereek, wake up! Or you’re going to
be late for school!”

I struggled to break free from the blanket and fell off the bed. I winced. My head was
throbbing.

Sean was vanishing behind the door. No.

Mum put out her arms and wrapped them around Sean. She was smiling widely. The
smile of every bit a loving mother. I had not seen that smile for ages.

I extended my hand to reach for them, but they were too far..

Dereeeekkk —

***

“Derek! DEREK!”

I squirmed. Someone was gently tapping my cheek.

My eyes cracked open and shut it almost immediately. The light was blindingly bright
and stung my eyes.

“Derek!”

I opened my eyes again. A blur image was looming above my face. I squinted. The image
became more focused and clearer. Gabe.

I blinked my eyes. Where are they?

I bolted up and looked around frantically. Sean was nowhere in sight. Only Gabe, with his
face filled with concern.

The reality struck me. It was just a dream.

I clutched the sides of my head. It was pounding with pain. I pulled my legs closer to my
body and felt a sharp pain.

Gabe held out his hands hastily and straightened my legs. “Careful. It’s not fully healed
yet.”

I took a better look. My navy blue jeans was ragged and stained with dark-coloured
liquid.
“You fell down on those nasty bits and pieces.” Gabe pointed to a pile of broken glasses.
I must had had sent them crashing down from the kitchen counter.

“I healed it,” he added, “but it will still take some time to fully recover. Maybe half an
hour or so.”

I shook my head clear. “How do you know that I’m here?”

He snorted. “How do I know? No, I didn’t freaking know. You were supposed to be
sleeping, remember? At home. On a bed. I didn’t know that your bed is made of floor
tiles.”

His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“Look— ”

He continued, ”I wouldn’t had known if it wasn’t for Rua.”

I frowned. Rua? “You mean he was sticking up his nose, if he has any, on my window?”

Gabe huffed. “So much for being kind. No, he didn’t stick up his nose, which he
incidentally has, on your window. The blast was too huge to be ignored, according to
him. If I were awake, I might have noticed it too.”

“What blast?” I asked, examining my surrounding. The kitchen was perfectly fine, except
for the broken glasses. Ah, yes. I remembered vaguely that something had exploded.

“I don’t know, dude. That’s why I’m here. Rua only told me something unusual had
happened over here. You know, it’s not his job – ”

“Not his job to tell you. And it’s not within his control, anyway.” I finished the sentence
for him. “Yeah, I know that.”

He shrugged. “So, what the hell happened just now?”

I locked his eyes in mine. Or the other way around. One good thing about having a mind-
reader as friend was, you didn’t have to talk when you didn’t feel like to. Just let him
come to your mind.

But of course, I omitted the dream part. I trusted Gabe, but somehow I couldn’t tell him.
Maybe it was too raw an issue. I seldom talked to Jake about Sean and Mum either.

Gabe didn’t say anything. His eyebrows were knitted into one line.

“What’s wrong?”

He folded his hands behind his head and leaned against the cabinet. His eyes were
closed. Every now and then, he would frown.

What was he doing?

I sat quietly and recalled the incident earlier. The pain was still etched clearly in my
mind; the burning sensation, being torn apart.. I shuddered. If it had to happen again,
just kill me straightaway.

And the voice. The hand. The chants. What did they mean?
My mind was churning with so many unanswered questions. I unconsciously moved my
leg and hit it against the chair leg. Oddly enough, it didn’t hurt at all.

I folded my jeans up. No wounds or scars at all. It was perfectly healed. And it was barely
ten minutes since Gabe told me. I saw that his eyes were already opened and he was
staring outside the window.

Gabe seemed kinda distracted. When he finally turned his attention to me, I asked again,
“What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “You’re officially a shaman now. It was the final step. The rebirth process is
completed.”

All those fucking pain for magic transfer? Ain’t that sick.

“That’s what Rua said. I can sense that he was hiding something from me, but he said
nothing else.”

I frowned. “You were talking to Rua? Just now? How?”

He nodded. “Through mind, dude. That’s why the special bond between you and your
spirit is damn important. Even more in your non-shaman case. He must know you inside-
out, or else how can he possibly keep you true to yourself?”

I kept quiet and pretended to check my fingernails. I didn’t care, as long as Jake was still
on the spirit-for-hire list.

Gabe seemed to know what I was thinking of. “Just drop the idea, man. You need spirit.
And you can’t fight them. They are too powerful.”

I felt my blood boiling. Literally. “Then tell me how do I save Jake,” I snapped.

He stared at me. “There must be another way. Safer way.”

I got up on my feet. My heart was jumping wildly. I clenched my fist and said through
gritted teeth, “Safer way? Safer way would mean you’d better don’t try to stop me.”

“Chill, dude. You are losing — ”

I grabbed his collar and pulled him up. His face blanched.

I couldn’t hear what he was talking about. His voice was muffled and seemed so distant. I
felt something alien growing inside me and it was clawing its way out.

What’s going over me?

I tried to overcome whatever that was. But I could no longer feel my body; it was as if
something else was controlling it.

In a harsh voice that I didn’t recognize, my body hissed onto Gabe’s face, “Or I’ll kill
you.”

Gabe’s eyes widened. He stammered something that I couldn’t hear.

Out of nowhere, something knocked me down. My hand let go of Gabe and slammed
backwards towards the sink.

And it’s blackness all over again.