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Jordan Stewart

Mrs. Pettay

English 111

October 5, 2016

Prompt: You may use your personal statement to highlight special interests, talents, goals or

unique experiences. (JMU, 500 words)

I stood in my driveway in a daze, and then the tears came. I recall the dog barking in the

lawn, my sister and her friend chattering as they got out of the car, and my moms soothing voice

trying to comfort me and slip the paper out of my hands to see the words for herself. I remember

her hopeful face to see I was waitlisted and not denied to the Legal Studies Academy at First

Colonial High School, but to me it seemed as the same sentence.

My passion for the law had grown for two years at this point. It began when a close

friend of mine confided in me that she was contemplating suicide. Although I consoled her and

never would have told her, I thought it was selfish for her to consider this. There are many people

who die every day who are innocent and would want nothing more than to live. This instance is

what sparked my interest for the legal field, and I have only had positive reinforcements since

then. I eventually was accepted into the academy, but not until the middle of August. I cannot

forget the fear and anticipation I held all summer, but in a sense I am thankful for it. It has

pushed me to ensure that I deserve my spot here in the academy and the dedication has definitely
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paid off. Sophomore year I was fortunate enough to go to Quantico with other classmates. I

walked down Hogans Alley which is a town created solely for agents practice. I viewed actual

documents and paintings made by serial killers. I touched the movable walls with paint marks

scattered amongst them from training. This experience with the FBI led me to this past summer

after junior year when I received an internship with them. To apply for this internship we had to

submit a cover letter, resume, and have an interview with agents. The nerves I felt waiting for the

academy acceptance letter all summer did not compare to the four hours I waited for the agents

response. Yet once again, it paid off. From swinging my legs over the side of a building acting as

a suicide jumper for trainee negotiation practice, to shooting an MP5 submachine gun, tommy

guns, and doing live simulations of an active shooter scenario, I only fell more in love with my

place at the academy. The knots in my stomach from thinking about having to apply to colleges

and job positions in the future as well as the fiery ball I have in my heart for the law, fuel me. I

work to ensure that I will not have to wait months to hear back on an application for which I am

again nervous and possibly wait listed. I take my Russian class, legal classes, and other classes

seriously because I have been given first hand opportunities to see where they will apply later on

down the road. My experiences will only continue to grow. I plan to take all opportunities

available and work through them persistently because I remember what it felt like to stand in my

driveway upset, nervous, and afraid I would not have the great opportunities to help those like

my friend when she came to me in the seventh grade.

Jordan - You have some great aspects of yourself that have emerged because you are in

the Academy. Please make sure, however, that in your essay it doesnt feel too academy

focused - choose highlights without getting stuck talking too much about it. Does that make
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sense? Also, work on sentence length variety and sentence opening variety. Finally, incorporate

paragraphs so that it reads more cohesively. 86/100