The Mayberry Report

Breaking Mayberry News!!! Reported by: Adrienne Plummer

Andy Taylor, Mayberrys town sheriff, received an emergency call for help last Wednesday, on February 3. The distressed caller was, screaming
bloody murder quoted Sheriff Taylor in an interview the following day. Our noble sheriff, on receiving the call, rushed to the Banks home to see
what all the commotion was about. Sheriff Taylor says Mr. Banks was running down the dirt road towards him as he pulled up the driveway, and
he looked like he had been fighting with a chicken. His face was red, his hair disheveled, and he had scratch marks on his chest and arms. Quickly
exiting the vehicle, Mr. Taylor ran to Banks and demanded to know what was going on. Banks just kept repeating, Shes gone crazy!
When Sheriff Taylor went inside he could hear water running, and loud footsteps thumping upstairs. The Sheriff said it sounded like someone
pacing back and forth across the hardwood. He went up and found, to his surprise, Mrs. Banks holding her nightgown up above her knees, all
gathered in one hand, huffing and puffing like a sumo-wrestler. Our noble sheriff approached slowly and asked what the problem was. Mrs. Banks,
face red like she had run a marathon, turned quickly towards him with a look of fury on her face. She was insisting on having her unborn baby right
at that moment, in the tub; though she was still a few months early to deliver the baby swelling her mid-section. Suddenly disarmed, Sheriff Andy
Taylor began to chuckle.
It seems that Mrs. Banks was fed up with being pregnant and decided to induce herself into labor, 3 months prior to her actual due date. She had
been stomping and fuming all morning, taking all the herbal medicines she read would cause a woman to go into premature labor, and trying to get
Mr. Banks to massage the acupressure points to trick her body into expelling the baby from her body. Mr. Banks stated that she had been hounding
him all morning, crowing at him to help her and screaming that he didnt love her, all the while raiding their spices cabinet; that after 13 hours of
panicking while his wife did strange and ritualistic labor inducing techniques, he called the Sheriff.

By: Hannah Milburn

Mayberry Police Statement

Mayberry Police Department received several reports in the last month on attacks from vampires. The
police department is embarrassed and couldnt believe that the people of Mayberry are so board they
are making up stories. As I was talking to one of the victims he says that he cant remember what
happened but he woke up with bite marks on his necks and felt like he had lost a lot of blood. Another
victim claimed that it was Stephan and Damon Salvador form the Vampires diaries. They looked like
they had turned off any humanity they had and had become rippers. They police department feels like
this a joke and is telling the people to quite playing games, because someone can truly get hurt.

BTC Returns to Root Beer Bandit!

Mayberry!
By: Kelli Aston
By: Christopher Montero

If youve been up and down Main Street over the past week,
you might have seen Brookes Traveling Carnival setting up for its
annual Mayberry Fair. Always an exciting and thrilling time, BTC is
bringing in a couple of new attractions this year. In addition to the
normal rides such as the Zip-It and Scrambler, they are bringing in a
new ride called the Jump Seat. Sheriff Taylor was given a free ride
on Jump Seat yesterday. After the ride, and a few moments with his
head over a trash can, Sheriff Taylor said Ill never ride that again!
Knowing he doesnt like those carnival rides, we here at the office
was surprised he even went on the darned thing. Another new
attraction will be the gator petting zoo. Mayor Pike visited the gators
earlier this morning saying These little critters are the cutest things
you will ever get to pet. Bring the whole family including the
youngsters for a great adventure. The usual will be there, such as
Aunt Bees Pie Eating contest and Dunk a Barney Fife. So make sure
you come on down to the Mayberry County Fair. Youre sure to have
a great time!
At the annual Mayberry 4th of July celebration people were
lined up along Main Street with banners, American flags,
and ice cold root beer. Barney Fife and Andy Taylor were
on hand to keep the crowd under control, as they know how
root beer can really start a party in our town! Halfway
through the parade Barney spotted Otis speeding down the
street in his pickup truck, so he quickly pulled out his water
gun and demanded Otis get out of the vehicle. He obeyed
and jumped out with a root beer in hand, but the truck kept
moving! Barney, Otis, and Andy were seen chasing the
truck, trying to stop it from mowing down the entire town.
Andy was quick on his feet and was able to jump in and
stop the truck before it reached the bake sale table and
ruined all of Aunt Beas pies. An angry Andy climbed on
top of the truck and announced that root beer was now
banned from Mayberry, so everyone will have to
pick another poison from now on.

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 Town Carnival
Kidnapper In Town!! Fiasco

Kaitlyn Jones By: Anahi Avalos
Community warning! Kidnapper on the loose! Look out for a strange looking red
haired boy with green tights. This young man was last seen at Floyd's barbershop
Goofy and outrageous event occurred in
here in Mayberry. The last sighting of this boy was by Floyd himself. This man Mayberry. Otis or formally known as The
kidnapped Opie and Otis the towns drunks a few nights ago. Oddly enough they Drunk has caused another scandal in
both turned up the next morning but refused to tell police anything about the Mayberry. By the looks of it this man will
incident. The only thing police were able to get from them is that he goes by Pan never be sober enough to even blink. When the
and that children love him. A common spot this man likes to go to is the local Mayberry Fair was occurring Otis joined the
bowling alley called "The Second Star to the Right". Police suspect that he will go beer drinking contest. The contest was who
back to this location. If you have any information about this boy call 1-800-CAP- ever finished a liter of beer first wins one
HOOK. This is a direct line to the volunteer search team led by Captain Hook a hundred dollars, gets all day access to the rides
retired Navy Captain. Meanwhile, we have Sheriff Taylor on the case but citizens and carnival games. Otis as a wise guy he is, he
of Mayberry keep your windows locked and your eyes peeled! took the opportunity to out show everyone. He
was competing against Floyd, Gomer, and
Goober. Otis chugging the beer with all of his
mighty, he chugged the beer in less than 10
By: Nikira Nunez seconds! Talk about town record! Andy Taylor
noticed Otis stomping and tumbling around the
In the town of Mayberry, back in the day, there was a series of child abductions.
carnival, he kept his eyes close on him to see if
Nothing bad ever happened to these kids of course, they were just taken away
he creates another headline story on the
for a period of time to do some mysterious work and sent back a few months
later to their families. After a while these abductions came to a halt, they just
newspaper. Knowing how scandalous he is.
stopped completely. For years the town wondered what happened to the man Otis was laying a carnival, he kept his eyes
behind the abductions, maybe he died, maybe he just stopped taking children close on him to see if he creates another
overall. In the back of the towns mind they figured he wasnt done completely, headline story on the newspaper. Knowing how
that maybe he was just on a break. In this small town of Mayberry lived a young scandalous he is. Otis was playing a carnival
boy named Austin, unlike the average athletic young boy, Austin was a little game called, Soda Pop Toss. Objective of the
pudgy, a little round in the middle. His parents always made sure to tell Austin game is to throw a ring and hopefully it lands
and all his siblings to not get into the car with strangers. Austin was finally 10 on top of the sods bottle. Otis played the game
years old! He could walk to school all by himself. So on this beautiful Monday over 10 times, he was now getting annoyed of
morning, Austin was ready to walk to school. He grabbed his bags, laced his not being able to win the stuff human size
shoes, and began walking out the door. Down the front porch, and out the fence, panda bear. As soon as he was about to climb
straight onto the yellow brick road (the sidewalk) as Austin called it. During this over the counter, Andy Taylor the sheriff saw
typical 5 minute stroll, that turned into 15 minutes thanks to the chubbiness him and tackled him. Before even touching him
that inhabited Austin, a white van approached the young boy on the side of the Otis vomited all over the carnival worker and
road. " Hey kid, wanna go for a ride? " the voice says. fell on top of the worker. The carnival worker
" My mom told me to never get in the car with strangers "replied Austin " Your was Floyd the town barber. As Andy and Otis
mothers a wise women young man, have a nice day "
were on the ground twisting and turning, Otis
" WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GIVE UP,
captured the panda bear and in a clumsy motion
DUDE YOU DIDNT EVEN OFFER ME ANY CANDY?! YOU'RE THE
WORST KIDNAPPER EVER " Austin shouted, and began to run away (in
trying to run, Andy captured him and dragged
Austins case he walked swiftly). He couldnt wait until he told the local news he him to the station. While Otis being dragged to
cracked the child abduction case! The reason why the children stopped going the station he is waving to everyone and is
missing is because the kidnapper stopped offering the children candy! When cheering, Yes I got the bear finally! No harm
Austin described the van to the local police, they apprehended the suspect and or damaged was caused during this event.
brought him in for questioning. When Austin went to ID the suspect he was Everyone from the town was expecting Otis to
shocked to find out that it was his father! Austins dad just wanted to make sure cause another goofy scene. I wonder what the
he wouldnt get into the car with strangers! You could say Austins dad next stunt Otis The Drunk will pull next year!
learned the hard way about egging peoples children on to get inside his car!

The Weather By: Kirstin Sanchez

The town of Mayberry is famous for their unusual weather but todays weather changed it all. This morning it was raining cats and
dogs! Ever since the town was established the whole month of September would rain different breeds of cats and dogs. Never has the
town of Mayberry had a day outside of the month of September where it would rain cats and dogs until today. Residents of Mayberry
were extremely confused on why there were cats and dogs on their front yards. This isn't the first odd thing to happen to our town.
Meteorologists have predicted with this weather today will be causing a whole week of odd weather. Starting tomorrow there will be a
black portal appearing in the town park, where it leads to nobody knows. Nobody knows what will happen for this week of odd weather
so this next week will be a huge surprise to all.

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Rihannas
Nervous
Breakdown
By: Makanani Keomaka
This past Saturday night was the
first concert that our little town
Mayberry has had in a very long
while. We had the privilege of
having the talented Rihanna and
Andy Taylor, the town sheriff had
one job; to make sure the singer was
wherever she needed to be at all
times. As soon as Rihanna stepped
foot in Mayberry that Friday night,
Andys job immediately began.
Andy first went over the singers
entire schedule and knew exactly
where she needed to be for the
duration of her stay. Friday night
was perfect; there were a lot of
meetings, dinners, and outings that
she needed to be at. Andy did a
great job, Rihanna arrived at the
special guest dinner on time, she
made it to her meet and greet with
her fans on time, and most
importantly, Andy managed to get
her to her concert just in time.
Everything was perfect until, it was
time to go on stage and Rihanna
was nowhere to be found. Andy
looked in her dressing room, which
was where he last saw her and she
was not there. Everyone started to
panic, but Andy knew he needed to
get the singer on stage, that was his
first priority. The crowd started to
become impatient and started to
wonder where the pop singer was.
Andy looked everywhere for the
talented Rihanna until, he heard
sobbing coming from the ladies
room next to her dressing room.
There she was. He entered the room
and immediately noticed that she
was very sad and tried his best to
cheer her up. He learned that the
singer sometimes has emotional
breakdowns right before her
performances and this was one of
those cases. All Andy needed to do
was make her smile by telling her a
few jokes here and there and listen
to what she had to say. Next thing
you know it, Rihanna is out on the
stage, fearless and fierce as always.
Luke Bryan in Mayberry! By: Samantha Milton
In the quiet town of Mayberry, not much exciting ever happened. One day, while he was just
passing through, the very talented and handsome Luke Bryan, stopped to eat at the diner on
main street. He wasnt there for more than an hour when he realized that the town needed to be
rocked! Luke called his manager and asked if there was any way he could squeeze in a show
that night, and luckily, he could! News spread like wildfire all throughout the town and before
you know it, everyone was out by the old barn waiting for Luke Bryan! He is the entertainer of
the year five years running so he made Mayberry scream and shout. The people in Mayberry
was never the same after that night, they were louder than any crowd Luke had seen! Now
every tour, Luke Bryan makes sure to make a special stop in Mayberry.
Special Encounter
By: Lusine Ghazanchyan
In the quiet town of Mayberry it was a
Sunday Morning when Maroon 5 decided to
stop by and grab some pancakes at the diner.
Adam Levine and band never looked so
good. Everyone in the quiet town of
Mayberry was excited to see them. Once the
towns people knew they were at the diner
there was a small crowd waiting to watch the
band eat pancakes. Hold on just a moment, as
the band sipped on their coffee and devoured
their pancakes the jukebox stopped playing
music. Immediately the band stood up and Zac Efron Caught Speeding
began to sing their hit song " Sunday
Morning" all the towns people watched with By: Vanessa Barrios
gratitude. Sheriff Andy Taylor arrived to the
sense only to join the band as the As we all know, a scene is being shot in
6th member. After the song was over the the town of Mayberry for Zac Efrons new
band and Andy Taylor went to make things comedy. Yesterday, the 28-year-old heart
official by changing the bands name to throb was pulled over by Sheriff Andy
Mayberry 6. Now you can visit Las Vegas Taylor because of speeding. The speed
Nevada on December 30th 2016 to watch limit at Mayberry Drive is 35 miles per
Mayberry 6 preform all their songs live. hour and Efron was going 55 miles per
hour. Witness, Beatrice Taylor, said I
almost dropped my groceries while I was
walking. That red Ferrari almost blew me
One Direction News! away, but once I saw it was Zac Efron I
By: Ashely Mannion sure did drop them groceries. Efron was
Its been ten years since One Directions let go with the condition that he stands
hiatus. The former popular British boy band trial. Deputy Barney Fife explained,
is ready to take the stage again and has Speeding in excess posted limits is a
announced their 2026 reunion tour, Were serious crime in this town. Efron is to
Back. Luckily for the town of Mayberry, stand trial on the 28th of this month.
North Carolina, One Direction will be
making a stop on September 19th, 2026. For
all those die-hard Directioners, now is your
chance to see them perform once again. Not
only is this reunion tour exciting, we are
thrilled to announce the return of Zayn Malik.
One Directions last album, Made in the
A.M., did not feature Zayn Malik. After years
of fighting between band mates, Zayn Malik
has agreed to rejoin the group for one last go-
around. Tickets will go on sale February 14th
this Sunday and range from $100-$2000.
This is the perfect gift to give to your special
someone whos been waiting for this day to
come. (Bubba Junior, that means you!) Get
ready for the reunion tour of a lifetime!
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 The Bandana Bandits
By: Lauren Hawthorne
Breaking news: Mayberry Police Department received a call about a robbery at the filling station on Monday. The filling station
was ransacked by none other than two brothers who identify themselves as the "Bandana Bandits". Their whereabouts are
unknown but Sheriff Andy Taylor was able to determine the culprits based on clues left on the scene. Reports say that
Goober and Gomer Pyle were found tied up with bandanas with the words "with love, the Bandana Bandits" written on them.
Deputy Barnie Fife recalls seeing the bandits running from the filling station however he was unable to go after them due to
the fact that he was combatting a more serious crime. However, Sheriff Taylor arrived to the scene, released victims Goober
and Gomer from their bonds, and began questioning. Goober and Gomer Pyle described the burglars to be two very small
men wearing all black with bandanas covering their faces. If anyone notices any suspicious activity or anyone who fits this
description, please report it to the Mayberry Police Station. The search will continue until the suspects are found. Stay safe
people of Mayberry. This is the "Gateway to Danger."

Root Beer
Now The Watering Hole Investigation
Banned! By: Alexandra Kantanavicius

By: Kelli Aston

At the annual Mayberry 4th of July
celebration people were lined up
along Main Street with banners,
American flags, and ice cold root
beer. Barney Fife and Andy Taylor
were on hand to keep the crowd
under control, as they know how
root beer can really start a party in
our town! Halfway through the
parade Barney spotted Otis
speeding down the street in his
pickup truck, so he quickly pulled
out his water gun and demanded
Otis get out of the vehicle. He
obeyed and jumped out with a root
beer in hand, but the truck kept
moving! Barney, Otis, and Andy
were seen chasing the truck, trying
to stop it from mowing down the
entire town. Andy was quick on his
feet and was able to jump in and
stop the truck before it reached the
bake sale table and ruined all of
Aunt Beas pies. An angry Andy
climbed on top of the truck and
announced that root beer was now
banned from Mayberry, so everyone
will have to pick another poison
from now on.
Yesterday in the local watering hole a bag of bones was collected and placed under investigation, it
was believed that there was a series of mass murders. After countless tests DNA has been linked to
Creepy Joe the local butcher shop owner. After investigating him it was confessed that he did place
the bag of bones in the water hole. Creepy Joe confessed that the bones were not human bones but
they were cow bones. Creepy Joe's wife asked him to become a vegetarian and he was hiding his
addiction. Divorce lawyers have been contacted and the local investigation department is suffering a
loss in funds. How did they not detect that the bones were not human?
Zombie in Mayberry By: Sarah Hunt
Today in Mayberry, children were playing at the local baseball field early this morning when they
spotted a man passed out on the field surrounded by screaming women. Opie (Sheriff Griffins son)
spotted the man first and sent for his father. While Opie waited for help he walked over to the man
with some water. As he walked up he noticed the man had a bruise on his head. Opie stated, The
man looked like he had a bump the size of a baseball on his head. When help finally came it was
Sherriff Andy Griffin and Deputy Barney Fife. Deputy Fife stated, When I saw the man I thought
he was dead. When he moved I knew he was a zombie because no man could survive an injury to
their head like that one.
When the man finally became conscious he told us his story. His name was Goober Pyle. He stated,
I was walking around the field early this morning when some women on the field. He then stated
that one of the women was someone he knew so he walked over to her. Goober then asked the
women what they were doing out so early in the morning. They stated that they were practicing
their routine for the upcoming Mayberry Talent Show that was in a week. He offered to help and
give his opinion and the women agreed. Goober said half way though the routine, which was a
dancing act combined with acrobats, and one of the women went flying in the air and her shoe came
off and hit him on the head.
When we questioned the owner of the shoe she stated that she was very sorry and embarrassed. She

Hot Dog Eating Contest!

By: Christine Ghisoiu
It is that time of the year again!!! Our annual Mayberry Hot Dog Eating Contest is in full effect. If you would like to participate we have two
spots left. HURRY it will fill up fast! Lets give our all time winner John Hicks a run for his money this year. He has won for the past six
years. Is there anyone out there that can beat him? It will take place in Center Park at 3:00 pm. Make sure you apply your sunscreen, drink
plenty of water, and enjoy our favorite competition!

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