FEATURE:
APRIL
Whats Goin On?
WHATS Things to do
INSIDE: and see nearby.
PAGE 2
R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y
MY LIFE: From Rage to Reason
Hello! My name is Serena and Id like to take
you through the journey of my life so far.
Unfortunately, it didnt start out very well. I
was born in Tennessee and doctors needed
to detoxify me right away because of the
drugs and alcohol in my system. Ten days
later, after nurses told my birth mom that no
one would adopt a drug baby, she took me
home to live with my older brother and sister,
Scott and Gina.
A year later, social services removed Scott,
Gina, and me due to neglect and abuse.
Gina went to live with her birth dad, but my
brother and I entered foster care. By the
time I was four, Scott and I had been through
14 placements. Some were with relatives,
some with foster parents, and at times we
lived in a Methodist childrens home. Some
placements lasted only a week. They tell me
that my screaming and violent behavior, and
the need to keep Scott and me together,
caused a lot of the moves.
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Reactive Attachment
Disorder - A New
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PAGE 3
Then, when I was 4 and Scott was 7, we met
our adoptive parents. They were therapeutic
foster parents, but they were not prepared.
Nothing they tried could settle me down. I
kicked holes in my bedroom wall and door,
and Mom and Dad had to board up my
window so I couldnt throw myself out of it.
Mom says my room was like a bomb area,
with everything in ruins. Mom and Dad spent
hours holding me close to keep me safe.
All I can remember about that time is that I
was very angry, and I didnt know why. I had
no idea how to keep myself from lashing out,
screaming, and raging when I felt negative
emotions starting to build inside me.
Less than a year after Mom adopted me,
she took me to a psychiatric facility. She and
Dad were exhausted from living in constant
turmoil and losing sleep to make sure I
wasnt going to hurt myself or anyone else.
They also didnt think Scotts needs were
being adequately addressed.
We only ask one small favor ...
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and fill out the survey to let us know
what services YOUR FAMILY would
find valuable. Then, fill out the contact
form, and we'll send your gift card out!
Eligibility: Must be over 18. Must be a foster or adoptive
parent in the Tehama County area (we're interpreting that
pretty loosely, but keep in mind, supplies are limited).
One submission (and Starbucks card) per adult. While
supplies last. Rules are subject to change at any time.
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2017
by Serena Pickle
Doctors, however, couldnt come up with
a definite diagnosis for me. Their theories
ranged from autism, to identity disorder, to
multiple personality disorder. Medications,
some of which were not intended for young
children, didnt help. The only point of
agreement between the doctors was that I
would never be able to function normally in
a family.
While I was in the hospital, Mom did some
reading and found out about attachment
disorder. Suddenly, my troubling behavior
began to make sense. The closer Mom and
Dad got, the more scared I became and the
harder I fought to push them away. Mom
wasnt going to give up on me and she refused
to put me in a group home.
Within a few years, Mom and Dad moved the
family to Colorado so we could be closer to an
out-of-home treatment program that seemed
promising. Scott got help too. Mom and Dad
were involved in the treatment and visited me
regularly in the out-of-home placement.
Sometime when I was nine, things started to
click in my head. I was in isolation after having
a tantrum and began to realize that I was
only hurting myself by acting out that way. It
dawned on me that my behavior was a choice,
and something I could change.
Life wasnt great right away, of course, but I
steadily made progress and was able to end
therapy by the time I was 14. School success,
happily, came far more easily. I graduated
from high school ahead of schedule and went
on to college. The doctors grim predictions
when I was five never came true.
Continued on page 4
1
WHATS GOIN ON?
APRIL 2017
11 bFetal Alcohol Spectrum
Disorder Group (FASD) (Chico)
Tuesday, April 11, 9:30-11:30AM, Lilliput
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave.
Chico. Marji Thomas, MA, CCC is facilitating
this new support group, focusing on
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. The
FASD Support Group will provide general
information, resources, referral information
and provide a supportive circle for you and
your family. Please join us every month for
this new and informative support group.
For more information, contact Alice McKee,
MSW- 530.828.8731 AMcKee@Lilliput.org
12 bAdoptive Teens Group
Wednesday, April 12, 6:30-
7:30PM, Lilliput Childrens Services, 289
Rio Lindo Ave. Chico. Monthly group for
adoptive teens! All participants will receive
refreshments and a $20 gift certificate.
For more information or to RSVP, please
contact Elisa Chavez at 530-896-1920.
15 bLilliput Families
EGG-STRAVAGANZA
Saturday, April 15, Lunch at 12PM, Egg
Hunt at 1PM at Oak Way Park, 1500 W. 8th
Ave., Chico. Bring a basket for the hunt and
something to sit on! Egg hunts for ages:
walking - 12 yrs. Taco Bar, fixings and Salad
provided. Desserts welcome (potluck-style).
Please RSVP with ages of children and
number of persons in your family to reserve
a spot. Call Abby or Elisa: 530-896-1920.
18 bTogether on Purpose Network
& Resource Group
Tuesday, Aril 18, 3:30 - 4:30PM
Alternatives to Violence Counseling Center,
20 Antelope Blvd., Red Bluff (on the corner
of Antelope Blvd. & Rio St., in the same
complex as the Copy Center). Come meet
with professional therapist Scott Howell,
MFTI and other Tehama County adoptive
families for support, networking and
resource sharing. Free childcare provided
on-site. All adoptive families welcome. For
more information, call 530-727-9423 or
email acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to
seeing you there!
2 An Alternatives to Violence Project
An Alternatives to made possible
Violence
24 "Understanding Your Child's
School Evaluations" Training
Monday, April 24, 10AM - 12PM at Lilliput
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave.
Chico. Evaluation reports can be difficult
to understand. And each person may write
up the results in a different manner. In
this training well show you, the parent,
examples of many common evaluations
and well point out the key areas you
should be focusing on. Our experienced
trainers will also discuss which areas of
your childs development can be evaluated,
why evaluations are needed, the timelines
involved, and more. Feel free to have your
childs actual evaluation report handy
during the training. After the training,
schedule a appointment with Wendy
Longwell from Rowell Family Empowerment
of Northern California, Inc. To RSVP or for
more information, call Elisa: 530-896-1920
MAY 2017
9 bFetal Alcohol Spectrum
Disorder Group (FASD) (Chico)
Tuesday, May 9, 9:30-11:30AM, Lilliput
Childrens Services, 289 Rio Lindo Ave.
Chico. Marji Thomas, MA, CCC is facilitating
this new support group, focusing on
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. The
FASD Support Group will provide general
information, resources, referral information
and provide a supportive circle for you and
your family. Please join us every month for
this new and informative support group.
For more information, contact Alice McKee,
MSW- 530.828.8731 AMcKee@Lilliput.org
16 bTogether on Purpose Network
& Resource Group
Tuesday, May 16, 3:30 - 4:30PM
Alternatives to Violence Counseling Center,
20 Antelope Blvd., Red Bluff (on the corner
of Antelope Blvd. & Rio St., in the same
complex as the Copy Center). Come meet
with professional therapist Scott Howell,
MFTI and other Tehama County adoptive
families for support, networking and
resource sharing. Free childcare provided
on-site. All adoptive families welcome. For
more information, call 530-727-9423 or
email acurry@atvrb.org. We look forward to
seeing you there!
through
project, madeapossible
collaboration with
through the Tehama
partnership
Coming
Events &
Activities
SAVE THE DATE!
16TH ANNUAL
CAMP ALWAYS
JUNE 19 - 23, 2017
Held at Mt. Cross in Ben Lomond, CA in
the beautiful coastal redwood forest of
the Santa Cruz Mountains, Camp ALWAYS
is an award-winning Adoptive Family camp
that features lodging, meals, workshops
and respite for parents, children's
activities and FAMILY FUN!
For questions or rate information, contact
camp@Lilliput.org or 916-678-7254
Registration forms available April 1st at
www.lilliput.org.
More Resources
for Adoptive
Families:
Support Groups:
Yuba, Sutter, Colusa, Glenn Counties
For Support Groups held in Yreka,
Mt. Shasta, Orland or Sacramento contact
Leslie Damschoder at 530.879.3861
Butte County Post Adoptive Services
Support Group, Drop in Assistance, WRAP
Family Support Group ... For info, call Miko:
530-209-0817, Heather: 916-475-7198 or
Deborah: 530-896-1920
Education:
Sierra Forever Families
Seminars on topics like Attachment,
Understanding Poverty, Understanding
Trauma, and more. Leslie Damschoder
530.879.3861
The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships
3406 American River Drive, Suite D
Sacramento, CA 95864
ce@attachplace.com (916) 403-0588
County
with Department
the Tehama CountyofPermanency
Social Services
Team.
Reactive Attachment Disorder:
by Heather T. Forbes, LCSW
Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is
a mental health diagnosis listed in the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders (DSM-IVTR) under disorders
usually first diagnosed in infancy, childhood,
or adolescence. RAD was initially introduced
to the mental health community some 20
years ago. Since that time, much of the
information regarding this disorder has
painted a dismal and often dangerous picture
of these children. Books and articles have
compared children with RAD to serial killers,
rapists, and hard- core criminals. Intensive
and often physically aggressive therapies
have been developed to treat these children.
Additionally, unconventional parenting
techniques have been taught to parents
in order to control these childrenchildren
referred to as disturbed or unattached. millions, of times. How critical these first thirty
The main premise of RAD is that the child
cannot socially connect or attach to others
in interpersonal relationships. Behaviors
inhibiting attachment to caretakers are
often demonstrated by children diagnosed
with RAD. Some of the behavioral symptoms
published in literature include the following:
oppositional; frequent and intense anger
outbursts, manipulative or controlling; little or
no conscience; destructive to self, others, and
property; cruelty to animals or killing animals;
gorging or hoarding food; and preoccupation
with fire, blood, or violence.
Wow! Read that list again. Many of these
behaviors sound downright frightening. It
is hard to imagine that a child can do these
things. Yet, while these behaviors certainly
appear abnormal for anyone, especially a
child, they are actually quite reasonable
reactions to the experiences these children
have endured. Read on.
There are many life events that can cause
attachment trauma between the primary
caretaker (usually the mother) and the child.
These include an unwanted pregnancy,
separation from the birthmother due to
adoption, death of a parent, premature birth,
inconsistent caretakers, abuse, neglect,
chronic pain, long-term hospitalizations with
separations from the mother, and parental
depression. Such life events interrupt a
childs ability to learn to self-regulate through
the relationship with the parent.
Typically, when a baby or small child is in
a state of stress, he cries and the parent
Together on Purpose April 2017
A New Understanding
attends to the childs needs, whether by
feeding, rocking, or simply holding him. Each
and every one of these interactions with
the parent plays a critical part in assisting
the development of the childs neuro-
physiological control systemthe system that
allows the child to return back to a calm state.
It is truly through this parent-child relationship
that we as humans learn how to self-regulate
in order to stay balanced and easily shift
from a state of stress back to a state of calm.
This regulatory mechanism within us is not
online at birth, and brain research has
shown that it takes up to thirty months before
this part of the brain is fully developed. Within
this thirty-month timeframe, a well-attuned
parent has connected with this child to calm
his stress response system thousands, if not
Treatment for the attachment-challenged
months are to a baby! It is through the parent-
child relationship that a childs self-regulatory
ability becomes engaged. This internal
regulatory system then sets the foundation for
the childs neurological, physical, emotional,
behavioral, cognitive, and social development.
When a child does not receive loving,
nurturing care, the childs ability to develop
a sufficient regulatory system is severely
compromised. In cases of severe neglect
and abuse, the childs life is literally at risk.
For these children, their internal survival
mechanisms become activated, dedicating
all the bodys resources to remain alert in
survival mode. These children perceive
the world as threatening from a neurological,
physical, emotional, cognitive, and social
perspective. These children operate from a
paradigm of fear to ensure their safety and
security. Hence, we see an overly stressed-
out child who has difficulty interacting in
relationships, who struggles to behave in
a loving way, who quite often cannot think
clearly, and who swings back and forth in his
emotional states due to an underdeveloped
regulatory system. While perceived by most
professionals as dangerous, a child with RAD
is essentially a scared and stressed child
living out of a primal survival mode in order to
maintain his existence.
With this understanding, the term
attachment-challenged becomes more
appropriate to use with children instead of
the traditional label of RAD child. In times of
stress, this child is challenged to connect and
his ability to make connection is restricted. In
fact, we all become attachment-challenged
to some degree when were stressed. Reflect
for a moment on the last time you were overly
stressed: How did you react when someone
tried to interact with you? Be honest! Perhaps
you had difficulty interacting appropriately.
Stress causes confused and distorted thinking,
and it constricts us emotionally, leaving little
room for relationships. Thus, a child with a
traumatic history who is living in a stressful,
fear-based state, simply is not capable of
nor equipped to be in a relationship. From a
behavioral standpoint, a child living in a state
of fear simply cannot act in a loving way. The
frightening behaviors listed above are only
external reflections of the internal fear and
chaos within these children. They are simply
behaviors that are intended for survival.
child needs to address this internal fear.
When the childs stress state can be soothed,
and the deep wounds driving the fearful
behaviors can be acknowledged, the child
has an opportunity for healing. Yes, healing is
possible, but it takes intense work and many,
many repetitions of positive experiences to
recondition the bodys reactions. It is also
essential that the therapeutic attachment
techniques and parenting paradigms enlisted
for these children be grounded in neurological
research and based in love and compassion.
Such techniques can offer ways to create
peaceful environments within the home
that work to recreate safety and security in
the insecure foundations set within these
children.
A word of caution from the author: Some
therapists specializing in attachment
therapy work from a fear-based platform
and recommend techniques that are
confrontational, aggressive, child-centered
instead of family-centered, and fear-based.
While these techniques sometimes offer
short-term results, families using them are
often faced with more severe long-term pain
and challenges. Many of these therapies and
therapists have separated themselves from
dangerous techniques that have resulted
in the tragic death of children in the past;
however, they continue to lack compassion
and are grounded in fear. Some examples of
these techniques include instructing parents
to force eye contact with their children; have
children do excessive chores to feel a part of
Continued on page 4
3 possible
An Alternatives to Violence Project made
RAD ... continued from Page 3
the family system; send children to respite
care out of the home for making poor choices;
give up their need to communicate love to
their children; and put locks on the outside of
childrens doors to keep them safe. When
looking for appropriate interventions for
families, be alert to these specific techniques.
Be aware, as well, of techniques that talk
in general about gaining control of a child
and viewing the child as manipulative.
These techniques are child-blaming, parent-
controlling, and devoid of scientific research.
It is counterproductive to feed more fear into
an already scared child. When seeking help,
it is highly recommended that you have a
thorough understanding of the basis for each
therapy being considered.
When parents first begin realizing that they
are dealing with an attachment-challenged
child, they have likely already experienced
many severe and disruptive behaviors in their
homes. In these experiences, they themselves
often begin to slip into their own fear and see
the child as a threat (at times so threatening
that they simply want the child out of their
home, forever). Because the behaviors can
be so intense, it is easy to lose sight of the
childs realitythat of a young person living in
a world of pain, fear, and isolation. Resources
are available, and hope for these families is
real. Suggested resources on the Internet
include:
Beyond Consequences Institute:
www.beyondconsequences.com
MY LIFE ... continued from Page 1
Children in my therapeutic foster placements
were the first to inspire me to consider
teaching. One girl had multiple disabilities,
and a boy I knew was blind and had cerebral
palsy. While going through treatment, these
children were the first people I learned to love
and wanted to help. Then, in middle school, I
got involved in Special Olympics, and served
as a summer camp counselor, a teacher, and
a coach.
I now hold a master of arts degree in
education/special education, and bachelor
of arts degree in English and secondary
education. Currently Im teaching middle
school English to a classroom of students
that all have different abilities. It is just what
I wanted to do.
The most important thing in my life, though,
is my family. My parents helped me conquer
unnamed demons, and taught me how to
value family and live life. My mom and I talk
constantly these days and get together two
4 An Alternatives to Violence Project
An Alternatives to made possible
Violence
Center for Victory: www.centerforvictory.com
Child Trauma Academy: www.childtrauma.org
Therapeutic Fairy Tales: foreverchild.net
As a therapist specializing in working with
attachment-challenged children, I am
overwhelmed by great sadness every time I
initially speak with a parent seeking help for
their family. This sadness stems from the
realization that all of these wounds and pain
could have been avoided. Babies are born in
a spirit of love, but it is lifes circumstances
that shift them into a spirit of fear. All it takes
to maintain this spirit of love is high quality
care giving; it takes an emotionally available
parent to create a secure and loving base for
a child. Attachment Parenting in the formative
years, from conception to three years old, sets
the foundation for all future relationships,
and it gives the childs bodys own internal
regulatory system the opportunity to develop
to its fullest. The old adage, an ounce of
prevention is worth a pound of cure says
everything in the context of Attachment
Parenting.
If youre currently struggling with a child(ren)
exhibiting symptoms of RAD whos early
beginnings were far from nurturing and
secure, I want to encourage you to have hope.
Several years ago, I found myself in the
same situation, waking up every morning
wondering how I was going to make it through
the day. In learning more about my children
and understanding that their behaviors were
driven from a deeply wounded place, I was
able to parent them in a way that allowed
to three times a week. When my dad died
unexpectedly this summer, she was my rock
even as she grieved her loss. And when I
got engaged at Christmas, she was there to
celebrate with me.
My siblings, Scott and Gina, are precious too.
Thanks to Moms sleuthing, we were able to
reconnect with Gina and her family when I
was 14. Now all three of us are a part of both
families, and we even celebrate some holidays
together. The relationships I have with my
family seem much like the relationships my
friends have with their families, but theres an
important difference. I dont take my family
for granted, and the chaos I experienced early
on makes me deeply value family in ways my
friends cant quite understand.
At my wedding this February, Gina was
my matron of honor, and Scott walked me
down the aisle to the man who is now my
husband. My family is now connected with
my husbands family (and vice versa), and I
couldnt be happier.
through
project, madeapossible
collaboration with
through the Tehama
partnership County
with
the Tehama CountyofPermanency
healing to begin. Yes, it is hard work and it
takes endurance and faith, but creating a
peaceful home is possible!
Heather Forbes, LCSW, is the
co-founder of the Beyond
Consequences Institute,
LLC. Ms. Forbes has
been training in the
field of trauma and
attachment with nationally
recognized, first- generation
attachment therapists since
1999. She has been active in the field of
adoption with experience ranging from pre-
adoption to post-adoption clinical work. Ms.
Forbes is an internationally published author,
with her most recent book titled, Beyond
Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-
based Approach for Helping Attachment-
Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors,
endorsed by Sir Richard Bowlby, son of John
Bowlby. As a speaker, her passion for families
is known throughout the nation.
Ms. Forbes consults with and coaches
families both nationally and internationally
who are struggling with children with severe
behaviors. Much of her experience and
insight on understanding trauma, disruptive
behaviors, and attachment-related issues has
come from her direct mothering experience
with her two adopted children.
Beyond Consequences Institute, LLC 2007
www.beyondconsequences.com
More than 10 years ago, on the day I was
confirmed at church, I suddenly noticed that
my mom had tears streaming down her face.
I asked what was wrong, and she told me
that she had been praying for help and God
kept assuring her that everything would work
out. She was finally able to see that the many
trials we endured had led to good. And every
day since, she has been able to see how her
and Dads love and dedication transformed
an angry, out-of-control pre-schooler into the
happy, healthy, and productive young woman
Ive become.
Originally Published in Adoptalk, Winter 2010
From Adoptalk, published by the North American Council
on Adoptable Children, 970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106,
St. Paul, MN 55114; 651-644-3036; www.nacac.org
The author,
Serena Pickle,
with her parents.
Department
Social Services
Team.
 TIC-TAC-TOE

BOREDOM BUSTERS
Springtime Word Search
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BASEBALL
A L B D J A N U L J P L S Z S D J A B Y R C B O J Q S
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O R P N V U B M N B Q O L I Z N S J U M W W K L U A O
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M B D E E B T B B U W N K K H Q P U N C X F L V M E N WARM
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5 possible
AConnect theTHE
Dots!
Together on Purpose March 2016 An Alternatives to Violence Project made
TO Z CONNECT DOTS
WORD JUMBLE ANSWERS: SHAMROCK, LUCKY, GREEN, IRISH, LEPRECHAUN, GOLD, RAINBOW, POT, CLOVER

E TIC-TAC-TOE
Together on Purpose April 2017 5 possible
An Alternatives to Violence Project made
 An Alternatives to Violence Project made possible through a collaboration with the Tehama County Department of Social Services

APR
2017
R E S O U R C E S , N E W S & I N F O R M AT I O N F O R A D O P T I V E FA M I L I E S I N T E H A M A C O U N T Y

It's STILL not too late to get your ...

FREE STARBUCKS GIFT CARD
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1805 Walnut Street Red Bluff, California 96080

Alternatives to Violence