DPNGUYEN11- DEFINITIVE BOOK OF BODY LANGUAGE

FACTS
 Total impact of a message is 7% verbal (words only), 38% vocal, (tone of voice, inflection, other
sounds) & 55% nonverbal
 Verbal component of a face to face conversation is less than 35%. The other 65% of communication
is done nonverbally
 *In business, body lang. accts for between 60-80% of the impact around a negotiating table. People
form 60-80% of their initial opinion of you in less than 4 minutes
 *Women are far more perceptive (being able to spot contractions between someone’s words & body
lang.) than men. They have an innate ability to pick up & decipher nonverbal signals
 *MRI clearly shows the reason why women have a far greater capacity for communicating: they have
14-16 areas of the brain to evaluate others behavior. Men have 4-6 areas.
 How do fortune tellers know so much? They conduct a process based on the careful observation of
body lang. signals plus an understanding of human nature & knowledge of probability stats
 70% of people cross their left arms over their right
 *When men lie, their body lang. can be obvious. Women prefer to look busy as they lie
 *The ability to read body lang. allows you to “see” a negative decision b4 it’s verbalized & gives you
time to take an alternative course of action
 *Men have 10-20 times more testosterone than women; which makes them see the world in terms of
sex
 *Women most capable of successful bearing children have a waist to hip ratio of 70%; that is, her
waist is 70% the size of her hips, giving her the “hourglass” figure
 *Hips to waist ratio that holds the greatest appeal for me is between 67-80%
 Core temperature for the human body is 98.6 degrees F
 3 words women most like to hear is not “I love you”. They are “you’ve lost weight”
 If you want to find out which women likes you, wear your tie slightly off to 1 side & put a lil lint on 1
shoulder. The women who find you attractive can’t resist brushing the lint off & straightening your
tie so you look just right
 Women express a preference for deeper, smoother voice because deeps tones directly link to
testosterone levels
 A small compact butt is the favorite of women everywhere. Next is broad shoulders, muscular chest
& arms. The secret is that a tight muscular rear is necessary to make the strong forward thrusting
motion needed for successful sperm transfer during sex. A man w/ a flat or flabby butt has difficulty
w/ the forward movement & tends to throw his entire body weight into the thrust. For women, this
isn’t ideal, as the man’s weight can be uncomfortable on her making it hard for her to breathe.
 Women dislike the muscle man bodybuilder look because she feels that he’s likely to be more
interested in his beauty than hers

 Men are equipped w/ tunnel vision that makes them better than women at seeing directly in front of
them & over long distances for spotting targets.
 However, men’s close range & peripheral vision is far poorere than womens’ which is why they have
difficulty seeing things in frigs, cupboards, drawers, etc.
 Do you know why it’s easier for women to get away with checking out a man’s package than it is for
men to get away with checking out a woman’s breasts? The reason is that women have an incredible
peripheral vision, that extends to at least 45 degrees to each side, above & below.
*KEYS TO A GREAT 1ST IMPRESSION
1. In the reception area;
Always stand. Never sit. Stand w/ hand in hand behind your back & slowly rock back & forth on
your feet (confident & controlled). This body lang. is a constant reminder that you’re still there &
waiting
2. Entry;
Maintain the same speed when walking in. People who are insecure change gears
3. Approach;
Walk in directly & confidently w/ a smooth motion. Influential people who command attention use
medium pace & strides
4. Handshake;
Let the other person decide when to end the handshake. Never shake directly across a desk
5. Sitting;
When in a lower chair directly facing other person, turn it away or angle your body 45 degrees from
the person to avoid being stuck in the reprimand position. Sit upright on the edge to maintain control
& power. If you’re seated at an informal area of the office, this is a positive sign. *95% of business
rejections are delivered from behind a desk.
6. Gestures;
*People who are cool, calm, collected, & in control of their emotions use clear, uncomplicated,
deliberate movements. *High status individuals use fewer gestures than low status individuals.
Mirror when appropriate.
7. Distance;
As a general rule, move closer to familiar people, but farther away from new ones. Work closer to
those of similar age & farther back from significantly older or younger ones
8. Exit;
Pack your things calmly & deliberately, not in a frenzy, & shake hands if possible. *People always
watch you from behind as you leave so make sure the back of your shoes are shined. *This is an area
many men neglect & women are critical of this.

*STRATEGIES FOR AN EXTRA EDGE

1. Stand up for meetings;
You’ll be perceived as having higher status. Also an excellent time saver; standing decisions are
quick & to the point & others won’t waste your time w/ social chatter
2. Sit competitors w/ their backs to open space;
Studies reveal this result in higher stress & the increasing of blood pressure. Our heart beats faster &
we breathe more quickly as our body readies itself for a possible rear attack
3. Keep your fingers together & hands below chin level when you talk;
To command the most attention. Open fingers, less powerful
4. Keep your elbows out when sitting in a chair;
Submissive, timid people keep them in to protect themselves & are perceived as fearful
5. Carry a slim briefcase instead of a bulky one;
Slim briefcases are carried by important people who are concerned only by the bottom line details.
Bulky briefcases are carried by those who do all the work.

POWER
*When someone keeps you waiting;
o Always take a book & read.
o When the person greets you, let them speak first, lift your head up slowly from your book, & greet
them. Finally, pack up smoothly & confidently.
When a person unbuttons their jacket in a meeting;
o You can assume that they have also just opened their minds.
Chair height & accessories;
 o The height of the back of the chair raises or lowers a person’s status.
o *The higher the back of the chair, the more power & status the person sitting in is perceived to have.
Kings, queens, & other high status people may have their back to a chair as high as 8ft to portray their
superiority
o Chairs w/ arm rests, ability to lean back, & wheels have more power.
The Catapult;
o Seated w/ hands behind head, elbows sticking out, one leg crossed over the opposite thigh
o Conveys superiority, dominant, confidence
o Used by know it all people to intimidate. Trademark gesture of men who like you to realize how
knowledgable they are
To counterattack;
1. Place something out of his reach, “have you seen this”, forcing him to lean forward.
2. Copy the gesture because mirroring creates equality

EVALUATION GESTURES
*Interested evaluation;
o Head supports itself & the hands rests on the cheeks
o Middle managers often use this to feign interest
o As soon as the hand begins to support the head in any way, it gives off the sense of insincerity & false
flattery
Hand-to-face;
Main critical evaluation signal: construed as ‘I don’t like what you’re saying’, ‘I disagree’ or ‘I’m holding back
negative feelings’.
o index finger pointing up the cheek while another finger covers the mouth
o thumb supports the chin,
o legs being tightly crossed
o arm crossing the body (defensive)
o head and chin are down (negative/hostile)

PRESENTATIONS
 *Squeeze the thumb against your fingertips to avoid intimidating your audience
 Use hand gestures to grab attention, & increase the impact of communication to allow the audience to
increase their retention rate of your information
 *Retention rate of verbal presentations are only 10%. This means that a verbal presentation requires
frequent repetition of key pts to be effective
 *Retention rate of combined verbal & visual is 50%

HANDSHAKES
 *2 key factors for creating rapport in a handshake: 1; make sure that you & the other person’s palms
are in the vertical position 2; apply the same pressure you receive
 *Practice stepping into a handshake w/ your left foot & you’ll find it easier to deal w/ power players
who want to control you
 *If you fumble a handshake, intentionally take the person’s right hand w/ your left, place it correctly
into your R. & say w/a smile, “Lets try that again!”
 *Unless you & the other person have a personal bond, only use a single-handed shake

*How to reach into a handshake;

1. Step forward first w/ your left foot as you reach to shake hands
2. Step forward w/ your right leg moving in front of the person into his personal space
 3. Bring your left leg across to your right leg to complete maneuver
This allows you to straighten the handshake or even turn it over into the submissive position.
Double-hander;
o Should never be used where a personal bond doesn’t exist; should only be used when emotional
bond already exists such a w/ an old friend
o Conveys honesty
Sales;
o Don’t initiate a handshake w/ a customer to whom they call uninvited, it can produce a neg. result as
the buyer may not want to welcome you & feels forced to shake your hands.
o Instead, wait for customer to initiate; if it’s not forthcoming, use a small head nod as the greeting.

*SMILES
 *A natural smile produces characteristics wrinkles around the eyes- insincere people smile only w/
their mouth
 *Controlled by 2 sets of muscles: the zygomatic major muscles & the orbicularis oculi
 *Zygomatic majors are consciously controlled- in other words, they are used to produce false smiles
of fake enjoyment to try to appear friendly
 The 1st place to check the sincerity of a smile is to check for wrinkle lines beside the eyes
 *A liar’s smile comes more quickly than a genuine smile & is held much longer
 False smiles often appear stronger & pronounced on the left side of the smile
Tight lipped smile;
o Sends the message that you have a secret, withheld opinion or attitude that you don’t want to share
o *Successful businessmen do this to communicate, “I’ve got the secrets of success & you’ve got to try &
guess what they are

LAUGHTER
 *1 min. of solid laughter provides up to 45 min of subsequent relaxation
 *The older we become, the more serious we become about life. An adult laughs an avg of 15 times a
day; a preschooler laughs an avg of 400 times
 *Laughter stimulates the body’s natural painkillers & “feel good” enhancers, known as endorphins,
helping relieve stress & heal the body
 *Endorphins are chemicals release from the brain when you laugh. They have a similar chemical
composition to morphine & heroin & have a tranquilizing effect on the body while building the
immune system
 Adding humor to advertisement increases sales; humor increases source credibility, making it more
likely that consumers will accept an advertisers claims

Crossing arms;
o Diminishes credibility
o Conveys uncertainty, insecurity, defensiveness, & an unapproachable nature
o Break a person’s arms folded position by giving them something to hold or do
Crossing arms w/ thumbs up;
o Self confident, feeling cool & in control attitude
o Folded arms gives a feeling of protection

BARRIERS
 *Conveys anxiousness, self consciousness, & lack of self confidence
 Good place to observe is anywhere that people walk past onlookers such as a dance floor, stage to
receive an award, etc.
Partial arm barrier;
o Seen in social situations where person feels like an stranger to the group
*Men’s barriers;
o Adjusting the band on his watch
o Checking contents of wallet
o Rubbing hands together
o Playing w/ a button
o Holding a briefcase in front to the body
Women’s barriers;
o Use handbags or purses

TOUCH
 Touching a person w/ your left hand while shaking hands w/ your right can create a powerful result
 *When you meet someone new & shake hands, extend your left arm, give a light touch on their elbow
or hand as you shake, repeat their name to confirm you heard correctly & watch their reaction
Elbow touching;
o Skillful elbow-touching can give you up to 3x the chance of getting what you want
Reasons why;
1. Grabs attention
2. Creates a memorable, positive impression since touching a stranger is not acceptable in most
countries
3. Creates a momentary bond between 2 people increasing your influence over the person

HAND POSTURES
Hands clenched together;
o Conveys frustration, anxious, or negative attitude even when smiling
o Assumed by a person who felt they were either not convincing the other person or thought they were
losing the negotiation
3 main positions;
1. Raised position w/ elbows on table (seated)
2. Center position w/ hands close to stomach (seated)
3. Lowered centered postion w/ hands close to pelvis (standing)
*Steeple;
o Conveys confident, superiority & like you have all the right answers
o Avoid using this when you want to be persuasive or win person’s confidence, as it can be construed
as arrogance
*Hands behind back, palm in palm;
o Superiority, confidence, fearlessness & power
o *Take this position in a high stress situation. You’ll feel more confident & even authoritative.
Hands behind back, gripping wrist;
o Frustration & attempt at self control
o The higher up one hand grips the opposite arm, the more frustrated or angry the person is

THUMB DISPLAYS
 Conveys dominance, assertiveness, & sometimes aggressiveness attitudes
 *People who wear high status, prestige clothing do this to display superiority
 *Have been used as a sign of power & authority for 1000s of years. In roman times, the thumb held
up or down meant life or death to a gladiator.
Thumbs protruding from back pockets;
 o Person is trying to hide their dominant attitude.

EYES
 *Pupil size increases when opeople view something that stimulates them
 *This is why most romantic encounters are most successful in dimly lit places, because everyone’s
pupils dilate & create the impression that they’re interested in each other.
 An effective way to increase the sales of any product that used a close-up of the face was to alter a
photo to make the pupil larger
 *If a woman is attracted to a man, she will dilate her pupils at him.
 *An old cliché says, “look a person in the eye when you talk to them”, but it’s better to practice
“looking them in the pupil”, as the pupils will tell you their true feelings
Eyebrow flash;
o A long distance “hello” greeting signal, done unconsciously to acknowledge the person’s presence
o *Golden rule; always eyebrow flash people you like or those who you want to like you

GAZE
 *To build good rapport w/ another person, your gaze should meet theirs 60-70% of the time
 *Subordinate people are the 1st to look away when 2 people meet & make eye contact for the 1st time
 Not looking away is a subtle way to deliver a challenge or show disagreement
 When a woman wants to get a man’s attention across the room, she will meet his gaze, hold it for 2-3
seconds, then look away & down
 Women’s wider ranging peripheral vision allows her to check out a man’s body from head to toe w/o
getting caught. Men’s tunnel vision on the other hand gets them caught

*Power stare;
o Use this when you are under attack to achieve an unnerving effect & to give yourself more authority
To do this;
1. Maintain eye contact w/o blinking
2. Move your eyeballs first, then let your head follow
3. Shoulders must remain still

INTERVIEWS
o *Shake hands & then give the interviewer a 2-3 second time frame of non-interruption for them to
complete the process of looking you over. After doing so, resume eye contact
*Steps;
1. Look down to your folder, etc.
2. Arrange any papers you may need
3. Move chair closer
4. Hang up coat
Sitting at 45 degrees (as w/ the standing triangular position);
o Gives an informal, relaxed attitude.
Sitting w/ your body 45 degrees away from the other person;
o Allows you to take pressure off of the interview. This is an excellent position to ask
delicate/embarrassing questions & to produce more open answers.
Sitting w/ your chair & body is positioned directly across from someone;
o You nonverbally tell them that you want direct answers to your direct questions. You create a
serious environment.
LEGS
Ankle lock;
o Uncertainty or apprehensive
o When an interviewee locks his ankles, he is mentally “biting his lips”.

HEAD
*Nodding;
o *Research shows that people talk 3-4 times more when the listener nod their head using clusters of 3
slow, deliberate nods at regular intervals
o *Slow nodding indicates interest
o *Fast nodding tells the speaker you’ve heard enough or that you want them to give u a turn 2 speak
o *excellent for increasing rapport because it encourages cooperation & agreement
o As long as you nod, stay silent w/ your hand on your chin in an evaluation position, there’s no
pressure for you to speak & you won’t come off like an interrogator
*Steps;
1. Perform clusters of 3 slow, deliberate nods while listening
2. When he finishes speaking, Continue to nod your head another 5 times (rate of 1 nod/sec)

*RAPPORT BUILDING
 *Never speak at a faster rate than the other person (they’ll feel pressured)
 *Speak at the same rate or slightly slower, & mirror their inflection & intonation.
 *Pacing is critical when talking over the phone because your voice is your only com. medium
 *Crossing the knees, toward another person shows interest or acceptance. If person feels the same,
he will mirror you.

STANDING & SITTING

 *Stand w/ your body angled at 45 degrees to avoid coming off as aggressive
Hands on hip;
o Shows readiness, assertive attitude
o *Called the achiever stance, relating to the goal directed person read to tackle their objectives
o *Makes you look bigger & more noticeable because you take up more space
Seated readiness;
o Leaning forward w/ both hands on both knees or gripping the chair
o If this happens, its wise for you to terminate the conversation or take the lead

LYING
Why it’s difficult;
Difficulty with lying is that the subconscious mind acts automatically and independently of our verbal lie, so
our body language gives us away. This is why people who rarely tell lies are easily caught, regardless of how
convincing they may sound. The moment they begin to lie, the body sends out contradictory signals, and these
give us our feeling that they are not telling the truth. During the lie, the subconscious mind sends out nervous
energy that appears as a gesture that can contradict what the person said.

*COMMON LYING GESTURES

1. Mouth cover;
if they cover their mouth while YOU are speaking, it can show that they feel YOU might be hiding
something.
2. Nose touch; the “Pinocchio effect”; the nose actually expands when a person lies. Increased blood
pressure inflates the nose & causes the nerve endings in the hose to tingle resulting in a brisk
rubbing action to the nose w/ the hand to satisfy the ‘itch’.
3. Eye rub; “see no evil”
4. Ear grab; used by person experiencing anxiety, “hear no evil”, trying to block words
5. Neck scratch; signal of doubt or uncertainty
6. Collar pull; used by angry or frustrated people to let the air circulate
7. Fingers in mouth; an outward indication of an inner need for reassurance
8. Blinking rate increases dramatically; through higher anxiety
9. Hands in pocket
10. Clutching object tightly
11. Feet fidgeting, shuffling