Left Behind

In what was surely a first in the annals of motion-picture marketing, an early ad for
Left Behind featured a quote taken not from a film critic, but rather from Satan
himself, who allegedly quipped, Please do not bring unbelievers to this movie. This
presents a rare scenario in which Christian moviegoers ought to feel perfectly secure
heeding the advice of the Devil, as this faith-based thriller is likely to inspire far more
dorm-room drinking games than religious conversions. With a Sharknado-inspired
visual style and a deeply weary lead performance from Nicolas Cage, Left Behind is
cheap-looking, overwrought kitsch of the most unintentionally hilarious order, its
eschatological bent representing its only real shot at box office redemption. The film
hits theaters this weekend, but as for when believers can expect to see the tenets of
their faith reflected with any sort of sophistication or intelligence in a mainstream
genre film, we still know neither the day nor the hour.
Appropriately for a film about the Second Coming, this is not the first attempt to adapt Tim
LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins massively popular 16-novel series of biblically inspired
speculative fiction (call it Bi-fi, perhaps). Back in 2001, a bargain-basement version
starring Kirk Cameron limped in and out of theaters, followed by two direct-to-video sequels.
With a considerably larger budget and wider release strategy, this years edition can expect
to do better business, though it will have to put in a very strong showing to avoid becoming
the alpha and the omega of the rebooted franchise.
Directed by Vic Armstrong, the screenplay by Paul Lalonde and John Patus substantially
strips down the plot of the series first novel, zeroing in on three characters as they pass the
first few confused hours following the Rapture, when all virtuous Christians are abruptly
beamed up into heaven, leaving the unbelievers down below. Cage stars as a hotshot
airline pilot named Rayford Steele (because Jackbuick Ironmuscles would have been too
on-the-nose), who has just ditched his newly Christian wife (Lea Thompson) for the
weekend to carry on with a flight attendant (Nicky Whelan), whom he plans to seduce at a
U2 concert after a flight from New York to London. Rays daughter, Chloe (Cassi Thomson),
is a dewy-eyed religious skeptic frustrated by her mothers abrupt conversion and fed up
with her absentee father. And investigative journalist Buck Williams (Chad Michael Murray)
meets cute with Chloe at the airport, managing to score her number before boarding Rays
plane.

As soon as the plane is over the Atlantic, a slight jolt sees all the children onboard, as well
as some scattered believers, vanish into thin air, leaving their clothes and possessions
behind. Chloe, meanwhile, is at the mall when her younger brother goes missing, and must
make her way on foot through the mildly unruly mob scene that has engulfed Long Island
(unconvincingly played by Baton Rouge) to find her family. Sadly, the film never speculates
on which U2 members, if any, were raptured from their London soundcheck.

From here, Left Behind toggles back and forth between the two scenes, typically using
such phrases as What is going on here? and I think I know whats going on here! as
cues to cut. In the air, Ray struggles to deal with mechanical failures and the disappearance
of his copilot, while passengers in the first-class cabin including the fearless Williams, a
fashionable drug addict, a kindly Muslim, an antagonistic little person, a bolo-clad Texas
businessman, an Area 51 conspiracy theorist, and Jordin Sparks bicker and kvetch. On
the ground, Chloe does quite a lot of running and gasping, seemingly at a loss for how to fit
herself into the story.
Theres nothing wrong with using the trappings of a disaster movie to attempt to spread a
Christian message beyond the already converted, but Left Behind fails on several counts.
Its spirituality manages to be both irritatingly sanctimonious and doctrinally vague; viewers
who go into the film unfamiliar with the contentious Scriptural interpretations behind the
series apocalyptic visions will leave scarcely better informed at the end. On a technical
level, the pics touted $16 million production budget actually seems high considering what
made it onscreen, with Armstrongs leaden pacing and chintzy visual effects sapping the
action sequences of all tension or believability.

One hesitates to dwell too much on the performances, given the material the actors have to
work with, but there are several howlers throughout. Poor Sparks, so likable in 2012s
Sparkle remake, has a dramatic scene thats so misjudged its difficult not to laugh. And as
for Cage, hes certainly been in worse movies than this, but he seems too cowed by the
storys religious underpinnings to embrace the crazy-eyed scenery consumption that helped
make his late-career turns such guilty pleasures; here, he simply looks tired.

The issues with Cages performance may point to the biggest problem with the whole affair.
There is nothing in the Scriptures that prohibits the good-natured enjoyment of schlocky B-
movies, no reason faith-driven audiences cant have a Showgirls or an Army of Darkness
to call their own. Had the filmmakers embraced even a little bit of the plentiful camp value
here, Left Behind at least could have been entertaining. As it stands, only the cheeky
marketing person who thought to quote Satan in the films ads seems to have really
understood what this pics proper tone should have been.