Courtney Larkin The Mayberry
Date 9-19-13 Times
EDU 214
Mayberry Boys
By LaShawna Matthews
Mayberry is home to the new boy band sensation!
The group consists of Opie Taylor, Johnny Paul
Jason, and Trey Bowden. The trios first
introduction to Mayberry was in a talent show at
Mayberry High School, where they won 1st place.
After taking home the trophy, the Mayberry Boys
decided that they wanted to see if they were good
enough to get a record deal. A few weeks later
they saw an advertisement for auditions for
Americas Got Talent. With the help of Andy
Griffith as their manager, Aunt Bee to make the
costumes, Barney Fife to choreograph, and Otis
Campbell to write a few songs, they were on their
way to New York City for the audition. After the
first broadcast of the show they were signed to the
top record label in New York, Atlantic Records.
The Mayberry Boys first album will be released
late November and it will include their #1 hit
titled Welcome to Mayberry. Atlantic Records
is currently working on a tour schedule so look
out for the Mayberry Boys coming to a town near
you.
Fire at the Piggly Wiggly
By: Heather Nelson
Last night the local grocery store, The Piggly
Wiggly, burned down.
Otis, the town drunk,
accidentally lit the
dumpster on fire behind
the store. Otis had to
relieve himself and decided to urinate behind the
building. Before relieving himself Otis set his
bottle of Bacardi 151 on the dumpster and
accidentally knocked it into the trash receptacle.
The blaze started when he lit a match to retrieve
the booze from the dumpster. In a drunken panic,
Otis frantically broke the window to Sloppy
Kisses next door to save all the puppies and
kittens. All the animals were returned safely to
the shops owner, Thelma Lou. Sheriff Andy
decided not to charge him with burglary even
though the animals were never in any danger. No
word yet as to charges for arson. The question on
everyones mind is, will Otis still be the favorite
at the Hot Dog Eating Contest at todays State
fair?
Scandalous School Bake Sale
By: Chelsea Ruthe
The local elementary school, Mayor Pike
Elementary, had their semi-annual bake sale to
raise funds for the new playground. Everyone
knows that Clara Edwards always makes her
famous Butter Glaze Bundt Cake for the bake
sale, however this time it caused quite a bit of
chaos. Clara Edwards had
made one Butter Glaze Bundt
Cake, for the school's bake
sale, on the same night she
made the Secret Surprise
Bundt Cake for the local women's poker night at
the community center.
What is so secret about this cake you ask? Clara
Edwards puts a whole fifth of rum in the Secret
Surprise Bundt Cake. And as you may have
guessed, Ms. Edwards delivered the wrong cake
to Mayor Pike Elementary.
Parents of the students were called to the school
on Friday when several students fell asleep and
other stumbled around class murmuring nonsense
during school hours. She unwittingly sold a rum
cake to the elementary school kids and their
parents to raise funds for the new playground.
Embarrassed by the situation Ms. Edwards has
decided not to comment on the situation. The
local womens poker night founders, Skippy and
Daphne, claimed they did not know that was the
secret surprise and that they just thought everyone
always had a great time at the community center.
Gomer is Fired!
By Jennie Guy
Gomer and Andy are standing in front of Wally's
Gas Station. Gomer is continuously gabbing to a
customer. There are other customers waiting in
line for service. Andy points out to Gomer that
other customers are waiting. Gomer states," I will
be with you in a moment." Again, Andy points
out to Gomer that customers are waiting. Gomer
states, " I will be with
you in a moment."
Gomer continues
carrying on with the
customer ignoring
everyone else. He is
oblivious to the havoc he is creating. Next thing
you know Gomer shows up at the police station
with his suitcase in his hand. Andy asks Gomer
what happened. Gomer cannot understand why he
has been fired and no longer has a home to live in.
Andy and Gomer talk for a little while about the
incident. All of a sudden Gomer jumps up out of
his chair and states, "I realize what happened. I
was insufficient in my duties!" Andy states,"I
think you mean inefficient." Andy invites Gomer
to stay at his house. Immediately Gomer accepts
the offer knowing Aunt Bea is cooking fried
chicken and baking fresh pies! During the night
Gomer is awake scurrying around making loud
noises, vacumming, and saying hello to people
walking by. Pretty soon everyone is awake in the
house! It is 1:00 a.m.! Andy discouraged leaves
the house and takes Gomer back to the gas station.
Wally welcomes Gomer back realizing that
Gomer was the reason his gas station was
successful in the first place!
Betrayal, Guns and Renewed
Loved
By: Tori Beckstead
After Mayberry Union High's recent reunion for
the class of 1945, rumors began spreading that
former Deputy Barnie Fife and old flame Thelma
Lou were seen getting cozy that night. Witness
claim they saw the former deputy leaving the
science room with his hair mussed with red lip
prints all over his face. It was later reported and
confirmed by Sheriff Andy Taylor that the
husband of Thelma Lou caught Barnie as he was
quickly leaving the reunion. Upon the
confrontation Ms. Lous husband said a few
choice words to Barnie. This apparently made
him nervous causing him to accidently fire his
Colt .38 caliber revolver, which caused major
damage to the schools recently renovated ceiling.
We caught up with Barney and Ms. Lou for a
statement and they informed us that they are
happily engaged to be wed. We wish this couple
all the best. We think they will need it as this
relationship has started off with a bang.
The Annual State Fair Expected
to Draw Large Crowds in
Mayberry
by Christina Gonzales
Its that time, the scent of funnel cake is in the air,
the booths are set up for the craft fair, and jams of
all flavors are ready for judging. Yes, it is state
fair time. Round up your family for some live
entertainment, foods of all tastes, and rides that
will spin you, scare you and make you beg for
more. This year you can expect a new roller
coaster, The Grizzly Bear, that will guarantee fast
turns and unexpected dips. The craft fair has
added 5 new booths to it, that will include shirts
with various animals printed on them, face
painting for the kids, and homemade rocking muffins from the oven, the bear came into the
chairs. Do you like homemade jam? If you kitchen. Miss Peggy threw a blueberry muffin at
answered yes, then show up to the annual Jam the bear, the bear ate the muffin and went back
Tasting Festival, and experience new flavors. Tell into the kitchen. "The bear is in the kitchen," said
everyone you know, lets make this the best fair Miss Peggy, "I have a plan." She sent Bill to get
experience we have ever had. Prices are $5 at the some honeycomb and had Barney back his van
door for adults, $2 for kids ages 4-12, free for kids behind the her house. Meanwhile, Miss Peggy
under 4 years of age. Bring the whole family for beat up a batch of buttermilk biscuits. Then she
the Mayberry State Fair experience, dont forget mixed the honey from the honeycomb into the
your appetite. See you there!!! batter. Soon, the kitchen was bursting with the
smell of honey buttermilk biscuits. The loud
The Very Hungry Bear
banging noises the bear was making ceased
By: Anne Chanco abruptly as the bear smelled the honey. Miss
Peggy carried the big batch of biscuits out to the
Miss Peggy was busy baking a batch of blueberry
van. Bill opened the back door. The breeze blew
muffins in the kitchen, when the phone rang. She
the smell of the honey-buttermilk biscuits into the
put the blueberry muffins into the oven and
the kitchen. The bear knocked over the big brown
hurried to answer the phone. A big brown bear
bowl and grumbled when he found no honey.
stood with his paws on the kitchen counter,
Then the bear sniffed his way out the back door.
"Grumph," said the big brown bear. Miss Peggy
Miss Peggy had placed the basket of biscuits at
ran out through the back door to get Bill Joe, the
the back of Barney's van. The bear bounded up
policeman. Bill followed Miss Peggy into the
the ramp and Barney banged the door shut. Miss
kitchen. The bear was busy eating, it looked at
Peggy and Bill cheered. "I will take the bear back
Bill Boyle and grunted bad-
to the forest and let him out," said Barnie. While
temperedly.
Barney and the bear drove away in the blue van,
"Here bear, Nice bear,"
Miss Peggy and Bill bustled back into the kitchen
Bill said nervously. The
to clean up.
bear gave Bill a baleful
grin. Bill backed away. I better call Barnie," Bill First Female Mayor in
told Miss Peggy. Barnie Smith was the local
Mayberry: Splits the town in half
dogcatcher for the town of Mayberry. Barney
drove up in his big blue van and hopped out.
Barnie took a big net and went into the kitchen.
Miss Peggy heard a bang, grabbing a broom from by: Ashleigh Williams
the closet, she rushed into the kitchen. Barney was
With the recent elections Thelma Lou has been
standing on a bench, waving his arms and yelling
awarded the title as mayor of Mayberry. While
"Shoo!" at the bear. The bear was biting Barnie's
some resident praise Thelma on her loving and
black boots hungrily. A wave off smoke came
motherly nature others are not amused. The towns
billowing out the back door of the kitchen. My
people have grown suspicious as to how Thelma
blueberry muffins are burning!" cried Miss Peggy,
won the election, and have grown outraged of the
she raced into the kitchen. As she removed the
allegations that Andy rigged the votes so that he
burnt blueberry
and Thelma (his girlfriend) could run the town.
Andy's son Opie gave us the news by saying "I'm
so proud of her, I've known her my whole life and
her and my dad have been friends for years, I
know she'll do great." While another town
resident and Thelma's ex boyfriend say, "I'm not
so sure about this scandal Thelma Lou and Andy
have going on, they aren't even married, relations
out of wedlock, how do you suppose they'll run
this town?!? Run us right into hell if you ask me.
Thelma thinks no one knows but we see right
through her and that pretty innocent face of hers.
She's got everyone fooled." As of today we're not
sure whether he's just bitter or sexist but from one
resident to another we've gotten mixed reviews,
although one things for sure Thelma seems here to
stay.
So Much For A Quiet Evening in
Mayberry
By Jessica Kwist
Andy gets a call that someone
broke into their house, according
to Auntie Bee. He went home to
investigate in a dash. He found
Auntie Bee outside scared
when he got there. The house looked like a
hurricane went through it ; furniture broken and
ripped to shreds, glass broken all over the floor,
everything just destroyed. He heard a sound in the
closet and reached for it slowly, having is gun out.
When he opened the door quickly, he saw nothing
out of the ordinary. He put is gun away, confused,
when a raccoon pounced from deep in the closet
on his face. Panicking and blind, Andy started
screaming and running around, trying to pry it off.
Auntie Bea sees and starts to panic as well. She
takes her purse and try's to hit the creature but
only manages to hit Andy. She grabs a pot of
water and throws it on him and the raccoon, but it
jumps off and she only soaks Andy. The raccoon
runs to Opie all calm and obedient. Turns out
Opie brought it home to be his pet. There is no
such thing as a quiet day in Mayberry.
The last person you would think!
By: Jammie Milligan
This all started one month ago when several
people from Mayberry Estates neighborhood
reported to the local sheriff. There were patches of
grass missing from their front yards, that were
there the night before. This would happen once a
week for a month straight. Everyone was
confused and wondered who would do such a
thing. One of the residents did a steak out to try
and catch the person who was doing such a crime.
While he was waiting
in his car looking
around for any kind of
movement suddenly
there was someone
walking down the street. There was Aunt Bee
the nice old lady that lives at the end of the street
pulling a wagon. He almost got out of the car to
say hello but just then she bent over in front of
Mr. Frisbees yard. He couldnt believe his eyes it
was Aunt Bee the nice old lady from the end of
the street taking a patch of Mr. Frisbees grass. He
got out of the car and said Aunt Bee what in
gods name are you doing? She was startled,
screams and said oh my you scared the day lights
out of me. He followed her down to her house
and come to find out that she was gathering
patches of grass for her back yard. He never
thought it could be Aunt B the nice old lady that
lives at the end of the street to be the one who was
taking patches from the neighborhood lawns. She
ended up putting seed and fertilizer on each patch
that she took and promises to never do that again.
Stewin it up in Mayberry!
By: Hollie Leatherwood- As you mayberrians
know, our lovely quiet town has recently been
plagued with robberies and mischief. Aunt Bee
was first suspected of the robberies, when Deputy
Barnie Fife found her with bags of candy and
packages of toys. When officers searched her
room they also discovered thirty grams of cocaine
and a pound of marijuana. Aunt Bee persisted that
she was being framed and that she was innocent
and last night Officer Andy Taylor proved it!
Officer Griffith and deputy Fife were patrolling
the neighborhoods when they noticed a suspicious
stroller in the park. When the officers went to take
a look they found a baby with a large football
head smoking marijuana with his dog. After
searching the stroller they found the other bags of
candy that was missing and another pound of
marijuana! Officer Taylor arrested the dog and the
young boy and they were brought into custody.
Not much is known about the perpetrator, only
that he goes by Stewie and has a criminal record
including hijacking a car, ripping tags off sofas
and illegally possessing and selling cocaine. His
dog, Brian, was brought to the pound and will be
released on a thousand doggy treat bail! So sleep
tight Mayberry and know that we will be safe
once again!