Foseedledom] Fed ieee / Ale Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Adapted by M. Penn Dee: Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be and if it were so, it would be, but it ain't. That's logic. Alice: 1 was thinking, which is the best way out ofthis wood? It's getting so dark, Would you tell me, please? Tweedledum and Tweedledee look at each other and grin. Alice points her finger at Tweediedum Alice: First boy! Dum: [Briskly] Nohow! Alice: Next boy! Dee: Contrariwisel Dum: That's all wrong! The first thing in a visits to say "How d'ye do!” and shake hands, ‘The two boys hug each other, then they hold out their free hands to Alice to shake hands with her; she does so with great difficulty. They all dance round in a ring. Fiddle music is heard: “Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush.” Tweedledum and Tweedledee are soon out of breath Dum: [Panting] Four times round is enough for one dance. They stop suddenly, They let go of Alice's hands and there is an awkward pause, ‘Alice (Aside) Well it would never do to say “How dye do!” hope you're not very tired? now. We seem to have got beyond that Dum: Nohow. And thank you very much for asking. Dee: So much obliged. You like poetry? ‘Alice: Ye-es, pretty well -some poetry. Would you tell me which road leads out of the wood? Dee: (Ignoring her question) What shall | repeat to her? um: “The Walrus and the Carpenter’ is the longest! (Tweedledee hugs Tweedledum affectionately.) Dee: [Clearing his throat] The sun was shining. Alice: If it’s very long, would you please tell me first. Dum: How rude. Dee: How rudi They all pause in alarm as a loud snoring noise is heard ‘Alice: Are there any lions or tigers about here? Dee: It’s only the King snoring. W\reaeAlice's Adventures in Wonderland. Adapted by M. Penn Dum and Dee: Come and look at him! They lead Alice to a tree. The King of Hearts lies under it, asleep. Dum: Isn't he a lovely sight? Dee: Fit to snore his head off! Alice: I'm afraid he'll catch a cold lying on the damp grass. Dee: He's dreaming now. What do you think he’s dreaming about? Alice: Nobody can guess that. Dee: Why, about you! [Clapping his hands] And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be? Alice: Where | am now, of course. Dee: Not you! You'd be nowhere! Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream. Dum: If that there king was to wake, you'd go out — bang! — just like a candle. Alice: | shouldn't! Besides, if'm only a sort of thing in his dream, what are you, | should like to know? Dum: Ditto! Dee: (Shouting) Ditto! Ditto! Alice: Shush! You'll be waking him if you make so much noise. Dum: Well, it’s no use you talking about waking him when you're only one of the things in his dream, You know very well you're not real. Alice: | am real! Alice begins to ery Dee: You won't make yourself a bit realler by crying. There's nothing to cry about. Alice: (Half laughing and crying) If| wasn’t real, | shouldn’t be able to cry. Dum: | hope you don’t suppose those are real tears. Alice: (Aside) | know they’e talking nonsense and it’s foolish to cry about it. (Brushing away her tears and, more cheerfully) At any rate, I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really it’s coming con very dark. Do you think it’s going to rain? Tweedledum puts up a large umbretla over himself and his brother. They both peer up into it awl eogeAlice's Adventures in Wonderland. Adapted by M. Penn Dum: No, I don’t think itis. At least, not under here. Nohow! ‘Alice: But it may rain outside? Dee: It may — ifit chooses. Contrariwise! ‘Alice: (Aside) Selfish things! Tweedledum suddenly springs out from under the umbrella and seizes her by the wrist um: Do you see that? (He points to a small object underneath the tree. Alice examines it carefully without touching it) Alice: It’s only a rattle. Not a rattlesnake, you know! Only an old rattle - quite broken and harmless. pum: 1 knew it was! (Pacing about and tearing his hai) W's spoilt, of course. (Looking at Tweedledee, ‘who sits down and tries to hide behind the umbrella) Alice: [Soothingly] You needn't be so angry about an old rattle. Dum: Butitisnt old! I's new, {tell you! | bought it yesterday, my NICE NEW RATTLE! Dum: Of course, you agree to have a battle. Dee: | suppose so. Only she must help us dress up, you know, ‘They go off hand-in-hand and return with their arms full of household things: pillow, blankets, tugs, tablecloths, coal scuttles, saucepans ete bum: |hope you're a good hand at pinning and tying strings? Every one of these things has to go on, somehow or other. They spend some time getting dressed up in everything. Alice helps them bee: Put that pillow round my neck i'l stop my head from getting cut off, Really, I's one of the most serious things, you know, getting one’s head cut off ‘Alice places a bucket on Tweedledum’s head Dum: Do | look very pale? Alice: Well, yes, alittle. bum: (In 2 confidential tone) I'm very brave generally, only today | happen to have a headache. Dee: And I've got a toothache. I'm far worse off than you. Alice: Then you'd better not fight today. um: We must have abit ofa fight but | don’t mind not going on too long, What's the time now?Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Adapted by M. Penn Dee: Half-past four. Dum: Let’ fight till six, then have dinner. Dee: (Sadly) Very well. And she can watch us ~ only you'd better not come very close. I generally hit everything I can see — when | get really excited. Dum: And | hit everything within reach - whether I can see it or not! Alice: You must hit trees pretty often | should think! Dum: (Looking round in a satisfied way) | don’t suppose there'll be a tree left standing for ever so far round by the time we've finished. Alice: And all about a rattle. Dum: | shouldn't have minded so much if it hadn’t been a new one. Dee: There’s only one sword, you know, but you can have the umbrella ~ it’s quite as sharp. Only we must begin quick. I's getting dark as it is. (Suddenly, it becomes very dark} Dee: What a thick, black cloud that is! And how fast it comes. Why, do believe it has wings! Dum: [Shilly] It’s the crow! Exit Tweedledum and Tweedledee running. The sky lightens. Alice sees a house. ‘Alice: Whoever lives there? A fish footman in livery came running out of the wood and knocks loudly at the door with his. knuckles. It is opened by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a frog. The Fish-Footman produces from under his arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself. Fish Footman: For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet. Frog Footman: From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet. They both bowed low and bang heads and Alice laughs. The fish Footman leaves and the Frog Footman sits on the floor. Alice goes timidly up to the door, and knocks. Frog Footman: There's no sort of use in knocking, and that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you. Alice; Please, then, how am I to get in?” Frog Footman: There might be some sense in your knocking, if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you might knock, and | could let you out, you know. Alice: How am I to get in? 20|