Attacking Anxiety & Depression Workbook (2001) - 6.0

Depression Program Management Details
Downloading E-books and Audio Sessions
When you purchased the Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program, you

created a username and password to gain access to the download area
where you can get your e-books and audio sessions.
You must be connected to the Internet to access these areas.
Click here to visit the members download area
*Note: If this link doesnt work for you first time, try closing your Internet
Browser and click the link again.
Lost Your Login Information?
If you have lost your login information, you can have it sent to you from
your Account Management Panel:
Click here to visit your account management panel
If you are tired, or having problems taking in information, take a break 2

and listen to a Relaxed Review. Dont let Depresso make you give up!
Uncommon Knowledge Ltd 2004 www.unk.com
Contents
Depression Program Management Details ........................................ 2
Downloading E-books and Audio Sessions ........................................ 2
Contents ..................................................................................... 3
The Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program ............................... 5
Acknowledgements ....................................................................... 8
Navigating the Depression Program E-book .....................................10
Internal Links..............................................................................10
Scroll Bar ...................................................................................10
Depression Program Map ..............................................................12
About This Program .....................................................................13
Introduction ................................................................................ 15
How to use the Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program ..............15
Take Your Time ...........................................................................16
Session One Understanding Depression ...................................... 20
Understanding Depression ............................................................20
Indeed, Knowledge Is Power .........................................................20
Depression Test ..........................................................................21
Giving Yourself a Break ................................................................23
Setting the Scene ........................................................................27
Future Improvement Indicators Exercise .........................................28
Session Two Basic Needs............................................................. 30
Understanding Your Basic Needs....................................................30
Basic Needs Planning Exercise .......................................................35
Basic Human Needs .....................................................................36
Session Three Overcoming Anxiety ............................................. 40
Overcoming Anxiety.....................................................................40
Location, location, location............................................................45
Curbing Panic Attacks ..................................................................46
Stress ........................................................................................48
Quick strategies to manage anxiety and stress ................................51
Session Four Influence & Control ................................................ 58
A Question of Influence ................................................................58
Control Exercise ..........................................................................63
Control Examples Exercise ............................................................64
Session Five Problem Solving ..................................................... 67
Problems and Depression - Making mountains out of molehills ...........67
Listing Problems Exercise .............................................................69
Depressos Secrets: How internal problems are created and
maintained .................................................................................72
Thought avoidance ......................................................................81
Session Six Explanatory Styles .................................................... 87
What you tell yourself about your world ..........................................87
Explanatory Styles Explained.........................................................90
How to think depressingly.............................................................91
Choosing between a negative and positive bias ................................95
Session Seven Flexible Thinking ................................................ 100
Generating other possible explanations......................................... 100
About collecting evidence ........................................................... 104
Session Eight Catastrophizing ................................................... 106

Misuse of the imagination ........................................................... 106
Anti-Catastrophizing Exercise ...................................................... 107
At-Leasting Exercise ................................................................. 112
Session Nine Relationships........................................................ 113
Depression and relationships....................................................... 113
True story: Emotional bank accounts............................................ 116
Limit-Setting Exercise ................................................................ 117
Session Ten Communication ...................................................... 121
Communication within relationships ............................................. 121
How to say No ......................................................................... 121
Relationship choices................................................................... 122
Some words on jealousy............................................................. 124
Session Eleven Socializing ........................................................ 126
How to get more people into your life ........................................... 126
Developing friendships and being an attractive friend ..................... 127
Making friends and getting along with people ................................ 128
How to get along with people ...................................................... 128
How to make someone feel valued in conversation ......................... 137
Session Twelve Sleep ................................................................ 141
Depression and Sleep: tips and ways to move forward.................... 141
Sleep and depression ................................................................. 142
How to sleep better ................................................................... 143
Session Thirteen Exercise.......................................................... 149
Getting moving and eating right! ................................................. 149
Benefits of moderate exercise for depression ................................. 150
How much exercise? .................................................................. 151
Session Fourteen Nutrition ........................................................ 154
Eating away depression .............................................................. 154
Mind Food ................................................................................ 155
Session Fifteen Humor............................................................... 158
The importance of laughter and humor ......................................... 158
Funny Memories Exercise ........................................................... 162
Session Sixteen Goal Setting ..................................................... 166
Dreaming Out Loud Exercise ....................................................... 170
Steps to Success Exercise ........................................................... 172
Extract More Satisfaction ............................................................ 173
Maximizing Satisfaction Exercise.................................................. 173
Session Seventeen Motivation ................................................... 176
Your life ahead - keeping motivated ............................................. 176
Quick Step Guide to Practical Exercises ..................................... 181
Answers Section ........................................................................ 187
Index of Relaxed Reviews ......................................................... 196
Uncommon Knowledge Products and Services........................... 197

The Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program
Guidelines
The Depression Program is a unique resource to help people through

depression. It comprises a book, which can be downloaded electronically
or purchased in hard copy together with various complementary audio
sessions, also available as downloads or recorded onto cds. The book
contains a number of tasks and exercises for you to complete. We have
set out some basic guidelines to explain how the Depression Program
should be used. Please read these guidelines carefully because by
purchasing the Depression Program you are agreeing to be legally bound
by these guidelines.
About Us
The Depression Program is published and wholly owned by Uncommon
Knowledge Limited, a company registered in England no. 03573107,
whose registered office is at First Floor, 69 Church Road, Hove, East
Sussex BN3 2BB, England, UK. Uncommon Knowledge Limited was set up
in 1998 and is a well-established therapy centre and we specialise in the
provision of therapy resources online and offline in accordance with the
education, training and experience that we have.
Privacy Policy
We respect your privacy. Your contact information and certain other
information about you is subject to our Privacy Policy which can be viewed
at http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/knowledge/privacy.html
Directions for use of the Depression Program IMPORTANT

INFORMATION
The Depression Program audio sessions are intended to help you to
benefit from the positive effects of relaxation and guided imagery to help
you in your quest for optimum health and happiness. Whilst these
approaches are known to have achieved exceptional and consistently
successful results in the ways described in the Depression Program, they
should not be used as a substitute for your doctors role in monitoring
your health. The Depression Program has not been evaluated by any
government or official body. Nothing offered on or offline is intended to
diagnose, cure or prevent any disease or disorder of any kind. If you are
in any doubt over a health or emotional issue, you should seek the advice
of your GP or professional advisor or therapist. You must be 18 years of
age or have parental consent before using the Depression Program.
You must always follow the guidance notes and advice accompanying any
downloads or cds. When listening to the audio sessions, you must
be in a place where you can safely relax and sleep. Never listen to
these sessions whilst driving or operating machinery.
Permitted use of the Depression Program:

You may use the Depression Program for your own personal use in
accordance with any instructions given to you by us; and

If subscribing to the Depression Program on-line you shall be entitled to
download the e-book and audio downloads onto a single computer or MP3
player as appropriate or by any other means agreed between us from time
to time and save a copy onto a CD, tape, mini-disc, MP3 player or onto
the hard drive of your computer for back-up purposes and ease of use.
You must not use any content of the Depression Program for any
commercial purpose without our prior permission, unless you are a
practising or training psychologist or psychotherapist, in which case you
may use the audio downloads for the purposes of your own professional
development, by which we mean that:
you may use the Depression Program or elements of it as reference
materials and suggested scripts for your own one-to-one therapy
sessions with clients in accordance with acceptable practices; but
you MAY NOT make available copies or play any of the audio
downloads to your clients; and
you MAY NOT claim to be associated with us in any way or to use
our name in connection with your own practice.
Intellectual Property Rights

The Depression Program including all audio sessions or other content
provided by us to you (together Content) are all protected by our
intellectual property rights, including but not limited to copyright and
trade marks.
Except as expressly authorised by us, you may not copy, download,

adapt, alter, modify, rent, lease, loan, sell, distribute, communicate or
make available to the public or create derivative works of any Content, in
whole or in part.
Dealings with Third Parties and Links

The Depression Program may provide links or cite third party resources or
authorities where relevant. As we have no control over such sites and
resources, we are not responsible for their availability and do not endorse
and are not liable for any content, advertising, products, or other
materials on or available from such sites or resources.
Payment terms, warranty and money-back guarantee

We require payment in full before dispatch or download and we reserve
the right to amend the advertised price of the Depression Program from
time to time. However, we are confident that you will achieve positive
benefits by using the Depression Program. If you find that the Depression
Program does not achieve what you wanted, contact us within 90 days
from the date of purchase and we will refund you in full. Please include
your transaction ID.
Disclaimers
Your use of the Depression Program is at your sole risk. The Content is
provided on an as is and as available basis and we do not guarantee
that the Content will be suitable for your purposes and requirements.

In making the Depression Program available, no medical, client, advisory,
fiduciary or professional relationship is implicated or established between
us.
The Content has been compiled from a variety of sources and is subject to
change without notice. We use reasonable care in compiling and
presenting the Content, but we can give no guarantee that the Content is
complete, accurate or up to date.
We reserve the right to withdraw your rights to use the Depression

Program if you breach any of these terms.
Nothing in these terms affects your statutory rights as a consumer.
General Information
These terms constitute the entire agreement between you and us.
Any failure by us to exercise or enforce any provision of these terms shall

not constitute a waiver of such provision.
These terms and the relationship between you and us shall be governed
by the laws of England and any dispute will be decided by the English
courts.

Acknowledgements
We would like to thank many people for their efforts that made the
Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program possible.
Firstly to Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell of the Human Givens Institute for
their groundbreaking work in helping us all understand Depression better.
Next to Michael McLean for his tireless work in creating the Depression
Learning Path without you Michael, we would still be sitting under a
mountain of paper!
And to the Uncommon Knowledge team Louise McDermott, Jill Wootton,

Lyndsay Swinton, Melissa Lipps, Kellie Fowler for the many ways in which
they all helped bring this project to fruition.
And finally to Chris Seymour of Network Audio for his work in recording
the Relaxed Reviews.

About the Authors
Mark Tyrrell and Roger Elliott are directors of

Uncommon Knowledge Ltd, a UK-based company
providing training in psychotherapy, emotional
intelligence and self help techniques. Since 1996,
they have been helping members of the public and
other professionals improve their ability to help
themselves and others.
Mark Tyrrell is well known in the UK for his exciting

seminars on self esteem that he teaches to
thousands of health professionals every year. His
book The Giant Within is published by Arrow and can be found on
Amazon.com as well as in bookstores.
Roger Elliott is the author of the now famous Free Self Confidence Course
and co-author of the Self Confidence Trainer.
His original background in engineering has

brought clarity and rigour to Uncommon
Knowledge products, websites and courses, which
are unique in their ability to clarify complicated
subjects and so empower those who use them.
Uncommon Knowledge reaches over 1 million

people every year with psychological information
that is clear, accurate and above all, helpful.
The free online Depression Learning Path that preceded the creation of
this program has helped hundreds of thousands of people better
understand depression and so take control. You can read some of their
comments here: http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/comments.htm
Working as therapists in Brighton, England, Mark, Roger and others in the

Uncommon Knowledge clinic treat depressed people daily. These people
benefit from exactly the same type of information and approaches that
you will discover in the Depression Program.
Uncommon Knowledge also publish a range of websites and products.

Read more about Uncommon Knowledge products and courses
here.
We thank you for choosing the Uncommon Knowledge Depression

Program and wish you all the best for the future.
Mark Tyrrell & Roger Elliott

Uncommon Knowledge Ltd
Navigating the Depression Program E-book
The Depression Program contains features to make it easier to use. This

section will tell you about how to use them in order to get the most out of
the Program.
Internal Links
Just like on web pages, the Depression Program contains links that will
take you to another place in the Program. Links look like this.
Bookmarks
The Depression Program has bookmarks throughout it that you can use to
jump to different places whenever you want. Click here to view the
bookmarks.
Scroll Bar
Click on the scroll box as shown below and hold your mouse button. You
can then drag the scroll box up and down to move you rapidly around the
book. You will see the page number as you do so:
Clicking just above or just below the scroll box will move you one page
back or forward.
Clicking on the arrows at the top and bottom of the scroll bar will move
you up or down one line at a time. Holding the arrow down will scroll the
book continuously.
Going Back
Everyone who has used a web browser knows how handy the back
button can be. To get Back and Forward buttons for the Depression
Program, click here.
Viewing Options
Depending on the size of your monitor, you may want to make the e-book
larger or smaller.
Click here to change the Zoom (or magnification) your e-book uses.

If you have a smaller monitor, choose Fit visible this will make the text
as large as possible.
Searching
To search the entire Depression Program E-book for a particular word or

words, hit Ctrl+f (Windows) or Command-f (MAC) and type in your word.
You can also access this through the Edit > Search toolbar at the top of
your screen.
Click here to try searching.
Printing
You can print this whole e-book in the usual way (from the file menu). In
fact, we recommend that you do so you can have it handy to flick through
whenever you want.
If you want to save paper, you can use the free FinePrint utility that
allows you to print two or more pages per sheet from here:
http://www.pdffactory.com/products/fineprint/
(It looks like you have to pay, but you can get the free version by clicking
Download )
E-book links
Throughout the Depression Program you will find links to other places in
the e-book. When you click on these, if you cant see what you are
supposed to be looking at, scroll down half a page or so. You will find the
links target within the next few lines.

Depression Program Map
This map shows you the high level view of the Uncommon Knowledge
Depression Program so you can see how the Program is put together, and
the order in which we are going to do things.
We have structured the Program this way for good reason, so although
you can jump around the Program using the links we have provided, I
recommend that you complete the Program in order first time through.

About This Program
First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mark Tyrrell and although
I am not the sole creator of the Uncommon Knowledge Depression
Program, its my voice that will be guiding you through it in the e-book
and the audio sessions. The whole team at Uncommon Knowledge was
involved, plus editors, recording engineers and advisors.
Now, I dont want to get off on the wrong foot. After all, you hardly know
me yet; however, there is something terribly important I have to say to
you before you start this program.
This program is not short. It is not a quick fix. Neither is it so easy that
you will get it all first time.
But, if I ask you to think back to the last time you learned something that
changed your life profoundly; you will undoubtedly remember that you did
not learn it overnight.
As you are already aware, most things in life that are worthwhile take a
little time and effort. Sometimes you need to read things more than once
to understand them properly. Sometimes you need to do related
exercises, and additional thinking, before the real impact of the desired
information hits you.
And sometimes, something that appeared obvious the first time takes on
a whole new perspective after you have worked to better understand
other important related information. As Guy Claxton says in his 2004 book
about learning Wise Up, the idea that learning has to be fast comes from
the memorization culture of our education institutions. In fact, true life
learning often takes time, and a variety of experiences and practical
application before it sinks in. The Uncommon Knowledge Depression
Program is designed to deliver just that.
I am asking you to treat this program as a serious project for the coming
weeks and months. Why? Because I dont want it to simply lift your
depression. Instead, I want you to defeat your depression for good. And I
want you to be confident, 100% confident, that you know exactly why
your depression has finally lifted, and how you are going live the rest of
your life depression-free.
Since we and our colleagues have used the techniques here with
thousands of depressed people, and frequently (and I mean really
frequently) get feedback that its the only treatment that has made sense
to them, then you can rightly have more confidence that it is worth
investing your time in.
So if at any stage you start to feel pessimistic (and with depression, thats
almost inevitable), put the Program down, take a break, and then return
to it later with renewed determination to get rid of the life-sapping,
relationship-ruining, happiness-destroying parasite that is depression.
Thanks for reading this. I hope you will take my advice to heart and get
the very most from this proven program for yourself and for all those
around you.
Mark Tyrrell

Introduction
How to use the Uncommon Knowledge Depression

Program
You have made a wise decision to invest your time and effort in the
Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program. While you might be feeling
bad at the moment, our shared goal is to get you feeling better quickly
and to teach you the skills you need to conquer depression once and for
all and to finally enjoy life to its fullest.
Life Events
Theres no doubt that life throws us curve balls. Theres no doubt that life
is full of surprises, not all of which are good. And, there is no doubt that
during these more trying times, many people experience symptoms of
depression. What enables these people to endure challenges, frustrations
and setbacks without becoming depressed?
Youll be happy to know that there are specific, learnable skills that you
can develop which can help combat depression and to prevent you falling
back into its grip. The skills and strategies outlined and explained in this
e-book show you how to break the pattern of depression once and for all.
Understanding Depression
When people are depressed they often find it hard to get motivated
personally or professionally. They may not eat properly or socialize much.
They may become disorganized, with the result being a home or office
space that is in total disarray.
Part of this program is dedicated to providing you with skills for sorting
everything out, showing you exactly how to plan ahead and to again start
enjoying the things you used to find pleasure in.
Depression Thrives on Exhaustion and Anxiety
Did you know that exhaustion and anxiety actually sustain depression?
Throughout this program, we help battle these catalysts for depression

with restful, relaxing audio downloads that follow each session. These
important downloads are designed to retrain your brain so that you begin
to feel different, while you simultaneously start to think differently,
creating a true win-win situation for you!
Of course, not every word in the following material will apply to you but, if
youve been depressed, you will find that much of it will. And you may
well benefit from any information you think does not apply to you, as it
will help you better understand the behavior of other people. So, take
your time working through the problem and make a commitment now to
stick with it!
Take Your Time

Please take your time too. Dont skim-read this book, its just too
important. You owe it to yourself to make sure you understand and absorb
the points as we go along, and if you are finding it hard to concentrate,
take a break and use one of the Relaxed Reviews (remember, these
downloads are at the end of every session).
There are full instructions on how to get your downloads, so dont worry if
youre not used to downloading files from the Internet. All the information
you need can be found in your members area.
Now, before we begin, allow me to introduce a few of the characters and

features of the Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program.
Relaxed Reviews
To download Relaxed Reviews, click here

If you have lost your username and/or password, click here
Every time you see the above icon, there will be a Relaxed Review for you
to listen to.
Relaxed Reviews go over the important points from the previous session
in a way that makes it easier for your mind to absorb. During these
sessions, which are usually 15-20 minutes long, I will talk to you in a
calming way that will allow your brain some recovery time from the rigors
of depression, plus help you learn in an effortless way.
It is best that you do each chapter before listening to the Relaxed Review,
but if you are feeling particularly low or lacking in energy, you may want
to listen to the Relaxed Reviews first to give you the energy you need to
progress with the Program.

Keeping Notes
As you progress through the Program, I will ask you to keep notes. Please
get yourself a small notebook or open a document on your computer to
use for this purpose as you progress.
Your Enemy and Mine Its Depresso (a.k.a Depression)!

OK, so this might seem a little silly, but theres a good reason for it. Bear
with me for a moment. Here is Depresso
The reason I have a character for depression is that when you are taking
steps to get rid of depression, it is vital that you can separate out the
things that depression is telling you from the things you are thinking
yourself. Of course, depression isnt actually a thing, but it makes you
think and feel so differently that it is extremely useful to see it as
something separate to you.
How to Spot Depresso
You can easily spot Depresso. He will say things like:
o Yeah, but I tried that and it didnt work!
o This always happens to me!
o Who would want to talk/be with me?
o Ive never been any good!
o Theres just no solution to this problem!
o I just cant get over the past!
o Everything is ruined!
o Theres just no hope/future!
o Something bad is about to happen!
o Nothing good has ever happened!
o Whats the point in doing this?

You are going to become an expert at ignoring Depresso, training him to
behave and not poke his nose in all the time! He talks in absolutes -
nothing, always, never etc. He cant see a wider vision, or the shades of
grey in life. Hes a bit of a simpleton and is not too great at picking up
subtleties.
Basically, Depresso rains on your parade.
Your Depression Diary
Keeping a diary of depression might sound, well, depressing. However, its

not like your usual sort of diary. This one will take just 30 seconds of your
time a day!
All you need to do is rate how you feel each day with respect to your
depression symptoms. Your scale is from 1 to 10, with 1 representing the
worst day youve ever had and 10 representing the very best you could
imagine.
You can start this now. You can put the number in your normal diary if
you keep one, or just use a piece of paper if you like. Simply write todays
date and put a number (that is reflective of how you feel) next to it.
The reason for this is that depression (as you know by now from the
Learning Path) makes you think in all-or-nothing terms. Often, when I
see a depressed client, and ask them how their week has been, they will
say something like Just awful. And if I ask What, all of the week was
awful? I get Yes, all of it. Then later in the session, it comes out that a
couple of the days were actually a lot better. Depresso had his tight grip
on them and made them think in that damaging all-or-nothing way!
Grading your days from 1-10 will help defeat Depresso, for he hates
flexible thinking!
Keeping a diary in this way will also stop depression from fooling you by
altering your thought patterns.
For the duration of this course, you should take a few seconds each night
before going to bed to grade your day. This will give you an important
sense of your progress and improvement. It will also help you take control
back from Depresso, as he normally only deals with completely this or
completely that.

Action Points
This funny looking fellow will let you know it is time to do something.
Depression will not go away simply because you have read or listened to
this Program. To beat depression for good, you have to ACT! These action
points range from writing something in your notebook to doing something
in the real world. Please do them; your success in beating depression
depends on it.
Whats all this with the silly cartoons? Im serious you know!
Youd better take me seriously!
Ah, our first visit from Depresso
Yes, youd love that wouldnt you Depresso? The more serious the better.
Well, the only thing were taking seriously is getting rid of you.
OK, so thats all for now - lets get on with the Program!

Session One
Session One
Depression and the reasons for it vary from person to person. As you
progress through the Program, you may think that some of it doesnt
apply to you. This may well be the case, but please take the time to
complete each session, just in case it contains something you can use.
This program is also an opportunity for you to see what you are doing
right. There may be healthy strategies that you are already using that you
can do more of to reap the positive results you desire.
Its important to revisit sections of the program as often as you feel

necessary and to replay the Relaxed Reviews as much as you need to
ensure your new knowledge sinks in, and to help increase the amount of
day-to-day relaxation you are getting.
You see, depressed people always have higher levels of the stress
hormone cortisol in their blood streams. By relaxing properly and often,
you will lower your stress hormone levels and therefore feel happier,
making your fight against depression an easier one.
Indeed, Knowledge Is Power

By this stage, you should have read the complete Depression Learning
Path you may have done this online at www.clinical-depression.co.uk, or
by reading the e-book that came with this Program.
It is essential that before progressing any further, you understand

completely some of the main points from the Learning Path, so heres a
quick self-test to make sure youre up to speed. Knowledge is power!
Write your answers in your progress book.

Session One
Depression Test
Purpose: To ensure you understand how depression works. This enables
you to understand what is happening to you and why you feel the way you
do. Once you have this knowledge, it becomes much, much easier to
know what you have to do to beat depression.
Success Indicators: You will score well when you look at the answers!
You will also know what I mean when I refer to how depression works
during the Program itself.
1) Write down five signs (symptoms) of clinical depression.

2) Most depression is not due to a chemical imbalance, or genetic
factors. True or False.
3) Write down three changes in society that have occurred since the
end of World War II, and may account for the huge increases in
clinical depression.
4) Why are you likely to wake up in the morning feeling exhausted if
you are depressed?
5) Why is all-or-nothing thinking a possible cause and also a sign of
clinical depression?
You can find the answers to these questions here. Please check your
answers to make sure they are correct before going any further. Your
understanding of depression is likely to strongly affect your success in
getting rid of it for good, and this exercise will help with this.
Now that you have completed the quick quiz, Id like you to spend a
moment reflecting on how your understanding of depression has changed
since you began the Depression Learning Path, and more importantly, how
this change has improved the way you feel about depression.
Learning Path Improvements Exercise

Purpose: In order to break down the all-or-nothing thinking of Depresso
(Its all terrible or Its all perfect), you need to start noticing changes
in the way you feel. Since you have completed the Learning Path and
progressed to the Depression Program, you found something helpful.
Noting this will help you continue your progression.
Success Indicators: You will actually have something concrete written in

your Progress Notebook that you can refer back to.

Session One
Some people report feeling more hopeful, some say that it is a relief to
finally understand what is going on, and some note that they feel less
depressed because they have gained more control over the situation.
Please go to your Progress Notebook now and record how reading the
Learning Path has improved the way you feel. (You might make a note of
the current page number so your notes make more sense later).
Monitoring your own progress is critical to beating depression for good.

This is because:
o You stay in control: If you find yourself slipping into depression in

the future, you will be able to spot the signs early and know what to
do to stop them.
o You understand how it works: You will see that beating
depression is a process, not some magical happening, and because
of such will feel much more confident that you can deal with it.
Depression is as much something you do as experience.
o You will know you can stay well: Your confidence will increase
as your understanding of the first principles on how to beat
depression grows.
o You will have the facts: You will have hard evidence to help you
challenge the all-or-nothing thinking that depression can create. It
is common for depression to make you think that nothing is
improving when, in fact, you have made many advances.
If you have progressed to this point without opening your notebook,

please go there now and write a sentence or two about how your
understanding of depression has changed and how that makes you feel
better. Also, go back through the first few pages of the Program and
complete the Notebook exercises it is absolutely essential you do this.
After all, you are worth it! Once you have done the exercise, see the
Answers Section for my ideas on the Learning Path Improvements
Exercise.
Whats the point in that? Once you know something, you

know it, its not like youre going to forget is it?
Thanks for your input, Depresso, but you know youre wrong on that one.
Apart from anything else, you interfere with thought processes and
memory so its harder to think clearly when youre around. Nice try, but
you lose this time!
Session One
Great, all done? OK, lets move on.
Note: It is quite normal to want to rush along to get to the meat

of the program, to find the part that will make all the difference for
you. If you are feeling like that now, please take a moment to
reflect on this. I can promise you that if you take it slowly, and do
things in the order you are asked, the Program will be so much
more effective for you.
Giving Yourself a Break

Youll remember from the Learning Path that the tiredness and de-
motivation accompanying depression comes from several sources:
o Over-dreaming causing poor sleep quality

o Avoidance of pleasure-creating activities, causing lower serotonin
and dopamine levels
o Exhaustion of your bodys stress hormones through too much
emotional arousal and over-dreaming
However, the reasons why are less important than what we are going to
do to break this cycle. Heres a reminder of how the depressive cycle
works. Please take just a minute to make certain you understand it
completely:
And heres a more detailed version. The intervention points are just some
of the places where you can break the cycle. (Note how the core cycle is
the same as that above):

Session One
Depression makes thinking clearly very difficult
Depression can make it difficult to think clearly, to maintain concentration,

and to remember things properly. Thats why it can feel as if you are
getting nowhere when actually, you are progressing. Depression creates a
sort of trance state within which things are different to the outside
world.
Too much dreaming (which stems from depression) causes

exhaustion
So our first task is to help your brain begin to recover from the effects of
too much REM sleep, exhaustion and lack of rejuvenating slow wave
sleep.
The best way to do this is through deep relaxation, as this closely parallels
the sort of rest your brain is missing. If you are able to do this yourself
through meditation, yoga, or some other exercise, thats great.

Session One
But to make it as easy as possible, we have created Relaxed Reviews for

you to download. All you need to do is click on the link below. This review
will help you absorb the information we have covered thus far, while the
relaxation techniques help you feel better immediately, providing you with
the energy you need to continue with the Program.
To download Relaxed Review Session One, click here

Note: If you have been very tired, you may well feel like falling
asleep during this session. It is better that you dont, as part of our
aim is to ensure your sleep patterns normalize. However, if you do,
dont worry, its not the end of the world, and you will get better at
relaxing while staying awake.
(If you do fall asleep, next time you listen to a session do, it sitting
up in a less comfortable chair!)
It is possible that you will feel drowsy afterward, as well. Dont drive or do
anything else that requires concentration until you feel fully awake again.
Remember, depression puts an incredible strain on your mind and body.
Dont be surprised if your brain decides to make the most of the break!
However, the good news is that you can expect to feel much better and
revitalised after this session.
If you are on a slower Internet connection, it will take a while for Relaxed
Reviews to download, so while that is happening, you can continue with
the Program.
In addition to the rest and recuperation, another benefit of using Relaxed

Reviews is that while deeply relaxed you dont ruminate, which decreases
the emotional arousal, and so the amount of dreaming you do. And its
not just for the duration of the session either. The after-effects will leave
you feeling calmer for a good time afterward, as well.
If you happen to suffer from anxiety (as most people with depression do),
you will find that this is also reduced by learning how to relax properly on
a regular basis.

Session One
To Recap
So, I would like you to listen to your Relaxed Review now. If you feel like
doing more after the first time you listen to it, please go ahead and listen
to the session again.
Note Your improvements
Right after you listen to the audio session, please go to your Progress
Notebook and write down the ways in which you feel better. It may be
that you have a quieter mind, more energy, feel more optimistic, or
something else entirely. Whatever it is, just make sure you make a note
of it now.
From now all the way through to the end of the Program, I would like to
ask you to make sure that you do a Relaxed Review at least once a day. I
will give you reminders as you go along, but please give yourself the time
to do this. It is an essential part of beating depression, especially early in
the Program.
Special Note On Coping with Mornings
Many people with depression find mornings the hardest part of the day. As
you know by now, this is due to the exhaustion caused by over-dreaming.
It is important that you do not oversleep, as this will only increase the
amount of dreaming you do. Instead, try listening to a Relaxed Review
after you have awaken and had some breakfast. This will give you back
some of the benefit you missed if you suffer from disturbed sleep
patterns, and serve to make you feel better.
(A good idea is to make a note of the current page number in your

Progress Notebook.)

Session One
Setting the Scene

As you may have noticed, depression tends to make you think about all
the things that are wrong, have gone wrong, and are likely to go wrong.
Although depression tends to get in the way of thinking clearly, if you

spend a lot of time thinking in this way, you are bound to feel depressed.
To counteract this, and to begin to set down a template for improvement,

I would like to ask you to now do a task.
Dont talk rubbish, theyre thinking like that because their

life is in such a state. You should always find the cause of a
problem before trying to solve it.
Now youre on really thin ice there Depresso; although some depressed
people are depressed because of major life problems, many others cant
figure out why they are depressed because from the outside, their life
looks fine. This is why they assume it must be something to do with
chemistry or genes.
But we know differently; we know that you make peoples brains work in
a different way, which causes problem solving to become very difficult
and make people are more prone to asking Why rather than focusing on
solutions.
So, Im afraid Im going to ignore you on this one Depresso; its a line
Ive heard too many times before.
As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, were going to work

now on the beginnings of a roadmap to get you from where you are now
to where you want to be.

Session One
Future Improvement Indicators Exercise
Go to your Progress Notebook now and under the title Roadmap, write
down 3 things that will indicate life is improving for you. These are
commonly things like:
o Waking up with some energy

o Feeling more hopeful about beating depression
o Once again participating in something you enjoyed previously
o Being able to feel calmer in stressful situations
o Feeling more like the real you
Incredibly Important Note: Please ensure that you write these in

the positive. As I mentioned, depression tends to make you think in
the negative; I dont want to do this, I want less of that, I just dont
want to feel, you know the sort of thing. Your improvement
indicators should be in the form: I will know things are improving
when I feel like getting out of bed before 9am, or Things will be
looking brighter when I start going walking again. They should be
specific to times, places and people.
This is a key step in the process, because the things you write here will be
your signposts on the road to recovery. They will let you know that things
are improving, which will keep your motivated and increase your hope.
Remember to write at least 3, and if you get on a roll, keep on writing!
You can return to this any time you have a thought about something else
youll be doing when you are starting to feel better.
Once you have done this exercise, you might like to look at my ideas
about the Improvement Indicators Exercise.
Another note: You can write anything here, as long as it is a

SMART goal. Read more about these here (this is a part of a larger
guide about setting goals):
Writing Smart Goals
Dont worry if as soon as you have thought of something positive,

Depresso rears his ugly head and says: Oh, I could never do that,
I just feel too bad. Of course you may feel bad now, but we are
not talking about just now, we are talking about your future, a time
when you will be feeling better. So, allow yourself to dream a little
now and enjoy just exploring the possibilities!

Session One
Excellent! You have completed the first session! In the next section well
be looking at practical problem solving, or how to make mountainous
problems into molehills.
Session One Summary
o Depression is a cycle that needs to be maintained by introspection

and inactivity
o Depression makes clear thinking hard, due to exhaustion and
emotional arousal changing the way the brain works
o Depression creates a sort of trance state, within which things are
different to how they are in the outside world
o Relaxation is essential to give your brain a break, help your body
recuperate, lower anxiety levels and help you think more clearly
o To recover from depression, you need a clear idea of you want
things to be, not just thoughts of what you want to get rid of

Session Two
Basic Needs
Session Two
Basic Needs
Understanding Your Basic Needs

When you are going through a depression, it can feel as if you have an
illness in the same way as when you have a cold. However, most
depression doesnt really work like this.
The vast majority of depression has to be maintained - that is, you

actually have to do something to keep depression going (and in fact, you
have to work really hard at it! This explains why depression is so
exhausting).
Oh, now wait a minute! Youre giving away all my secrets!

Its much easier for me if people think they have an illness
that they cant do anything about!
Yes, I know, Depresso. Thats exactly why Im telling them.
In this session, we are going to take a more in-depth look at how

depression is maintained. You will already have a good idea about this
from the Learning Path, but it is vital that you know this both inside and
out. Then, you can stop doing the things that maintain depression and
start doing those that serve to combat it.
So, before we start, Id just like to know if ugly old Depresso has been
niggling at you since you completed the first session. You know - perhaps
trying to tell you that this is a waste of time? Or, that although this
program has helped others, it cant help you because you are different?
Remember, Depresso tries to make you think in all-or-nothing ways. So

Id like you to take a moment now to make a few notes in your Progress
Notebook.

Session Two
Basic Needs
Honest Achievements Exercise

Purpose: To help you be more realistic and less all or nothing about the
things you achieve as you beat depression.
Success Indicators: You will begin to be able to give yourself credit and
feel satisfaction at the small tasks you complete, such as those within the
Program. This is in contrast to listening to Depresso making all or nothing
comments such as, Yeah but its hardly climbing Mount Everest is it? or
Normal people can do this, why cant you?
I need you to become better at spotting when you have achieved

something.
So in your notebook write:
o I have decided to tackle depression and acted by starting this

program
o I now understand how depression works, which gives me hope that
I can get control of it
o I am doing the program properly by writing in my Progress
Notebook
o I am starting to become aware of Depressos voice
o I have listened to the Relaxed Review and am learning how to relax
properly, which will help me in many ways in the future
o I am keeping a depression diary which will help me get out of the
all-or-nothing thinking that depression creates
And, if you cant honestly write any of the above, go back now and
complete the task that allows you to do so. This may seem unnecessary.
Just bear with me. Keep in mind, I know how depression works and how it
can undermine you. Once you have given the exercise a good try, my
thoughts on the Honest Achievements Exercise might be helpful.
Look, whats the point of that? Its already written here, why
do I have to waste my time writing it out again?
Ah, the perfect opportunity for you Depresso, a whats the point
situation. Its so easy for you to stop people doing things that will make
them feel better by being cynical isnt it? But cynicism isnt intelligent is it?
As the psychiatrist Theodore Rubin said, There are two ways to slide
easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both
ways save us from thinking.

Session Two
Basic Needs
Maintaining Depression
Your depression diary will help you pinpoint the fluctuations in how you
feel, which will equip you to better battle depression. So, when you notice
that you had a particularly good or bad day, make a note in your Progress
Notebook of what you were doing the day before that might have
precipitated such feelings.
For example, if you wake up one morning feeling particularly exhausted,

and the day is therefore more difficult, it might be because you spent a lot
of time the day before ruminating about something.
If you had a particularly good day, perhaps waking up with more energy,
it may be something to do with the fact that you did a little exercise the
day before, or completed a task you had previously been putting off.
Keeping a depression diary will allow you to quickly spot patterns in the
way depression responds to what you do. It will also help you feel more in
control of the way you feel, and that has to be a good thing, doesnt it?
Note: Although feeling better is progress, so is understanding why

you have been feeling worse, if indeed you have. Thats why you
can write it in your Progress Notebook. :-)
Hold it, hold it. They dont do or not do anything.

Depression just happens and they feel down! They dont do it
on purpose you know!
The thing about Depresso is that hes so predictable! Of course they dont
do it on purpose.' You make them do it! Stop trying to get others to jump
to your conclusions Depresso (I know thats something youre very good
at). You make people think in certain ways that make them feel anxious.
You make people avoid doing things and thinking in ways that would
make them better.
How We Respond to Life
Research tells us that depression doesnt result from having problems.

Instead, it is more about how we think and feel about the problems. There
is nothing so bad that someone somewhere hasnt managed to survive
without depression getting the better of them! What we need to focus on
is what these people do to stop themselves from getting the symptoms of
clinical depression.

Session Two
Basic Needs
On Selective Memory
In addition to making the present seem depressing, we also know that our
little fiend Depresso can also change the past! Or, more accurately, he
makes us remember in narrow, selective and biased ways. Depression
makes you recall more negative events and forget the more positive
things. It also puts a negative spin on things that were good. Remember
the explanatory styles section of the Learning Path? (Well cover
explanatory styles in more detail in Session Six)
Blowing things out of proportion applies to memory as well. One rainy day
does not ruin a weeks holiday. One disagreement does not destroy a
whole day out together. One mistake does not make you an idiot.
This is a trick of Depressos. Dont fall for it! If you hear these types of
statements in your mind, you need to say to yourself Thats Depresso
talking, it wasnt really like that. There were actually good bits, such as
this and that. Yes, it takes a little more effort, yes it is less exciting in a
strange way, and yes, this sort of constant steady effort to change your
thinking style actually works!
Take Time to Relax Daily!
Now, as weve already covered, depression can make it difficult to take in

new information. Focused relaxation helps you learn better and extends
your concentration span. And, as Depresso loosens his grip on you, you
are going to rediscover how well your brain can work!
Comment: I find it astounding how quickly our opinion of

ourselves can change. If you are ill for a couple of weeks, say
with the flu, you can come to the conclusion that you are an
idiot who couldnt have an intelligent or creative thought if
you were paid. Of course, all that is happening is you are
saying: Right now, I am like that, while wrongly extending
it to the rest of your life! Learning to stop thinking about
yourself when you feel bad is a great advantage when it
comes to getting rid of depression.
This is pointless. I cant relax! And how can relaxing help

anyway?
Ah cynicism again, Depresso. Dont you have any more strings to your
bow? Well, since you ask, deep relaxation lifts mood for good scientific
reasons, it lowers emotionality within the brain and allows people to be
more objective about problems and possible opportunities.

Session Two
Basic Needs
To download Relaxed Review Session Two, click here

As you learned from the Learning Path, we all have basic emotional and
physical needs. When these needs arent met, we feel bad.
So as long as you have done the last Relaxed Review, you can move
forward and on to looking at the basic elements we all need to remain
healthy.
Are Your Needs Being Met?
When looking at emotional problems, it is always a good idea to check the

basics first. As you may have heard me say before If your car wont start,
check to make sure there is fuel in it before taking the engine out!
For this next section, it is helpful for you to think of yourself as a system
that needs certain things, over and above what you think you need.
For example, if you were too hot, you may think you need to take off
some clothing, when your body is actually overheating due to
dehydration. Instead, what you actually need is a drink!
Just like a garden, which on the outside appears to run itself without any
special requirements, we all need certain things to stay healthy.
A garden needs enough water and sunlight. It needs nutrients, it must be

weeded if it is to remain attractive and tidy, and even the soil must be of
the right type for the plants.
We can consider ourselves like this to a great extent. Both physical and
psychological problems can be caused by neglecting to meet our basic
needs.
Of course, individuals vary in their requirements of each need. One person

may be highly outgoing and gregarious and therefore require a lot of
human contact and attention, while another may be perfectly happy
seeing only a few people. However, just as with the garden, we all need
these elements in our life to a greater or lesser extent.

Session Two
Basic Needs
Basic Needs Planning Exercise

Purpose: To help you see the importance of basic needs and get you to
begin planning to meet more of them in your day-to-day life.
Success Indicators: If you start to feel worse, you may be able to tie it
back to meeting fewer basic needs. You will also know what to do should
you begin to feel depressed again in the future.
Dont worry about the needs you are missing you wont be alone. In
fact, any one of us may be missing out on one or two at times. And, you
can rest assured that all over the world there are people with exactly the
same missing needs as you, worrying in exactly the same way!
As you read through this section, do the following:
1) Write down each need from the list below.

2) Note how well each need is currently being met in your life. For
example, even if you only see one person a week, this counts
toward meeting your need for attention.
3) Grade how well each need is currently being catered for. A 10
would be completely and 1 would be hardly at all.
4) If you feel it will help, write some practical ways to improve how
you meet that need, writing down actual steps that could be taken.
Example
The need: To give and receive attention
Current situation: I speak to my mother once a week on the phone. I see

people in the store. I see my husband. I feel I am not getting as much
interaction as I need and would like to spend more time with girlfriends.
4/10
Three realistic ways I can better meet this:
o Start calling my friend Ann again and plan to go for a coffee with
her more regularly. In fact, Ill see if we can meet weekly at the
same time every week.
o Start going to aerobics again (which will also meets other
mind/body needs and increases serotonin levels).
o Start saying hi to my neighbours if they dont speak to me, it
doesnt mean I cant speak to them. Besides, I think it is important
for people to keep a sense of local community.

Session Two
Basic Needs
o Get in touch with my local volunteering center and volunteer a half-

day each week.
Note: This will require a bit of concentration, but the results will be
worth it, perhaps even more than you can imagine. If you are feeling a
bit tired, try listening to the last Relaxed Review again, or just do the
first 2 or 3 needs and come back to it tomorrow.
Basic Human Needs
Basic Need 1: The need to give and receive attention
Fulfilled through: Friends, family, colleagues, pets, acquaintances
Consequences of missing out:

o Feelings of isolation
o Less physical affection
o Less practical support
o Fewer creative opportunities
o Less of a sense of meaning
o Less feedback on ones own ideas, behavior and aspirations
o Increased focus on the self
Basic Need 2: The need to look after mind and body physical
needs
Fulfilled through: Sleep, rest, exercise, healthy diet, fresh air, physical
touch, adequate health care
Consequences of missing out: Stress, illness, depression, anxiety
Basic Need 3: Being connected to something greater than

yourself
Fulfilled through: Belonging to a community, an association, a club, a
group of like-minded friends, even family; and just knowing there are
other people out there who feel and think the same as you do.
o Missing sense of meaning
o Fewer creative problem-solving opportunities

Session Two
Basic Needs
Basic Need 4: A sense of meaning - purpose and goals
Fulfilled through: Having a strong sense that your plans for the future
are worthwhile and that you can achieve them. Having beliefs and values
that you hold dear and can stand up for. Having shared goals.
Consequences of not getting need met:
o Feelings of apathy
o Depression
o Despondency
o Loss of confidence and self-esteem due to lack of proof that one is
capable
Note: It is good practice to do every week something that you are

good at, or can do without thinking. This could be a sport, writing,
cooking, or working in the garden anything as long as it reminds you
of your abilities.
Basic Need5: Being stretched, but not stressed
Fulfilled through: Learning new skills. Feeling that you are making
progress. Being creative, having fun and humor. Pushing yourself outside
your comfort zone.
o Boredom
o Loss of energy
o Depression
o Loss of humor
Basic Need 6: The need for status
Fulfilled through: Having a clear role professionally, within a

relationship, community or family. Having a basis for positive self-esteem
and the thinking styles to enable that.
o Loss of confidence
o Low self-esteem
o Lack of purpose and meaning
o Depression and despondency

Session Two
Basic Needs
Basic Need 7: The need for intimacy and positive regard
Fulfilled through: A loving partner, friend, relative and even a pet.
o Loneliness
o Loss of confidence
o Lack of stimulation
o Feeling unloved
Note: You may be in a relationship, but this need will not be met if the
relationship isnt working very well. Depression also tends to suck the
fun out of relationships, causing distance between partners. If this
need is currently missing for you, it can seem impossible to solve.
Dont worry. This need will fix itself as your other needs are met, as
the depression lifts, and as you take positive steps to meet more
people.
Basic Need 8: The need for a sense of control
Fulfilled through: Organising finances, controlling emotions, being

assertive in relationships, making decisions and acting upon them,
learning practical skills, devising long-term goals.
Depressed people almost always see themselves as having no options,

although their options may be perfectly apparent to someone who is not
blinded by depression. The consequences of this are:
o Anxiety
o Feelings of helplessness
o Loss of self esteem and confidence
o Depression
Note: The ability to relax with uncertainty also gives you a sense of
control. Someone acting as a control freak is demonstrating a lack
of fulfilment of this need.
A Useful Exercise
This should be a useful exercise. Communities where depression is rare

tend to be organised in such a way as to meet these basic needs for their
members.

Session Two
Basic Needs
This is just depressing now youre on my side, right?
Depresso, youre missing the point! Knowledge is power! Now we know

what we need, we can start making efforts to meet lifes basic emotional
needs. And, besides, few people have all their needs met all the time! So
we can relax, whatever the outcome of the exercise.
What you need to do is to simply start making allowances for the

fulfilment of these needs in your life. After all, you are human. Over the
coming weeks, just start to notice how you can nurture your basic needs
and how much better you feel for it.
Important Point on Spreading Risk
Dont put all your eggs in one basket
If you find that many of your needs are being fulfilled by one person or by
a single job, you should strongly consider spreading the load. Too much
pressure on one source puts you at risk of ignoring your own boundaries
and personal requirements in favor of this all providing source. This one
person or particular job simply becomes too important in your life, causing
imbalance and inequality in the power balance.
And, if something does go wrong with this source, your basic needs may
be heavily impacted. Strive to meet your needs from different sources.
Develop friendships away from work, get interested in projects in different
areas of life, and focus on gaining satisfaction in different ways.
Session Two Summary
In this session you have learned:
o What your basic needs are

o Why these needs are important
o What happens when you miss out on these needs
o How you can best meet these needs

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Overcoming Anxiety
The aim of the Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program is to get you
feeling better as quickly as possible. Anxiety plays such a huge part in
depression that it is absolutely essential to also take a look at ways you
can lower your anxiety levels quickly.
Depression is basically a state of exhaustion caused by too much arousal

(remember the cycle of depression?) Later in the Program, we look in
greater depth at problem-solving and your thinking style, but first you
need a clear understanding of anxiety.
A watery metaphor Seeing calmly, seeing clearly
A wise man once sat by a pool of clear water. A storm blew

in and the surface of the pool become rough. It rippled
and sprayed and he saw that his own reflection was
distorted. The storm passed and the water became calm.
Now his reflection was smooth and looked much more like
who he really was.
And so it is, he thought, with the human mind. When calm,

a person can see reality as it actually us, but a stormy or
anxious mind distorts perception making seeing clearly
difficult. It is only when all is calm that the mind reflects
reality accurately.
So when you are depressed and anxious, although it may

seem that things are hopeless, or there is no solution to
your problems, you cant trust your perception this is
basically Depresso talking.
Before assessing your situation or your problems, you

need to be calm.
The brain under stress

Whenever you are emotionally aroused anxious, angry, excited your
brain changes the way it operates. The more emotional you are, the more
you tend to operate through the limbic system. This is a primitive part of
your brain that evolved for the essential, and not very subtle purpose of
keeping you alive.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Therefore, being emotional makes you think more in all-or-nothing

terms. It is designed to help you make simple decisions very quickly.
(Mostly the decision would have been Should I stay here, or run away?,
which is an extremely simple thought process!)
However, when you try to use this part of your brain to solve complex
problems, it can get you into trouble. For complex problems rarely have
only two potential solutions to choose between; yet, your emotional brain
will still try to solve them in this way. For example: She didnt call back
after I left a message. That must mean she is avoiding me. No, she wont
be avoiding me will she? She might be!
And so on. Little consideration for the multitude of other possibilities, such
as:
1) A broken answering machine
2) Not having picked up messages
3) Not noticed a message has been left
4) Will call at a time they consider to be more suitable
5) Waiting until they feel in a good mood to call
6) Just too busy to remember
7) Forgot!
8) Lost your number
9) And so on
Heres what you must remember: When you are highly emotional,
you cant trust your own thoughts or judgement unless it is an
extremely simple choice, such as Stay here, or run away.
Remembering this will actually help you calm down too, as it interrupts
the feedback cycle the more you continue to try to solve the problem,
the more emotionally aroused you will get at the seemingly futile task.
Panic and background stress

As we discovered above, any anxiety will make you less able to think
clearly.
Now it may be that you dont suffer from intense bouts of high anxiety, or
panic, but instead are struggling with an uncomfortable level of
background stress, which causes you to worry a lot or even imagine the
worst.
Remember: its the emotion that drives the worrying thoughts. Becoming
deliberately relaxed on a day-to-day basis will help you feel happier, and
lessen the worrying thoughts. But, well deal with worry and destructive
thinking patterns later. For now lets look at worry, anxiety and panic.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
On being human
There is an ancient analogy that tells of what it is to be human. It
describes a coach, a coach driver and horses.
o The coach represents the total human being - you.
o The horses describe the emotions that carry the coach forward.
They supply the energy and vitality.
o The horses are directed by the driver (who represents your calm
thinking brain).
o The horses provide essential energy and motivation, but they serve
the coach driver - not the other way around.
What it means is that you should be the one directing your emotions, not
your emotions controlling you. This has been a problem for all of mans
history, and so has passed into metaphor and story, as above.
The biology of emotion
As you may know, an emotion involves a complex symphony of electrical

activity, neurochemicals (brain chemicals) and hormones. Being anxious
isnt just a few thoughts, it is a whole body/mind phenomenon.
Your nervous system has two main branches, the sympathetic and the
parasympathetic. Simply put, the sympathetic nervous system gets you
aroused and the parasympathetic system calms you down. The
sympathetic nervous system increases your heart rate and diverts blood
to the muscles ready for action.
Suffering from background anxiety means that your sympathetic nervous

system is being used more than it needs to be. It gets over-used during
depression.
The parasympathetic nervous system is what we use to get you deeply

relaxed. It is activated during deep sleep and during periods of relaxation
(during your Relaxed Reviews). It promotes energy storage, digestion and
healing of tissue in the body. Your parasympathetic system slows your
heart rate and diverts blood away from the muscles towards other system
maintenance processes.
The power of relaxation
When you relax, your parasympathetic nervous system creates a wealth

of beneficial effects:

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
o Breathing slows down

o Blood flows back to the digestive system
o Muscles relax
o Your brain starts to work differently
o Your creativity increases, allowing new perspectives
o Your immune system starts working better
o And much, much more
So, when we talk about relaxation, it is no small thing. In fact, it is

potentially your greatest weapon in the fight against depression. Using
your Relaxed Reviews regularly will train your mind and body to relax,
even if you find it difficult at first. Repetition is key.
Fear is our friend
Fear is essential, whether intense or background. Without it, the human

species would have died out millions of years ago. It enables us to:
o Respond to an emergency with high levels of energy in order to

escape a threat or fight fiercely.
o Predict potential dangers in the environment. This we call worrying
and, in its place, is a good thing (although its over-used by
Depresso).
Anxiety is accompanied by bodily changes that prepare you to run or fight

(the fight or flight response).
Heart rate and blood pressure rise as blood is pumped into the major
muscles for heavy exercise. Blood flow is reduced to the head, gut, skin,
hands and feet to minimise bleeding if you are injured. Sweat increases to
lose heat in case of heavy exercise and there may be an urge to defecate
or vomit - which would prevent predators from eating us! Fear is an
extremely efficient survival response for situations that require a physical
response.
An ancient response in a modern world
The anxiety response is programmed deeply into us because our ancestors

were surrounded by real physical threats. You had to be able to summon
the energy to run from a lion, for example. And, you had to summon it
quickly.
Nowadays, most threats are abstract and not physical. A final mortgage
demand, the wait for medical results or an upcoming job interview can all
trigger this ancient response to what is not actually a physical situation.
Indeed, we tend to respond to these life situations as if they were physical
threats.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
How harmful is anxiety?
People experiencing extreme anxiety, or a panic attack often think one of

the following (especially the first time it happens).
o Im going to die! Im having a stroke/heart attack.

o Im going crazy/insane.
o Im going to humiliate myself/make a complete fool of myself.
o I might die from suffocation.
o I'm going to faint.
o I feel so weak I cant move or I might fall down.
These are all misconceptions, but feel very real, especially if you are not
used to being hijacked by high anxiety.
Occasional anxiety isnt harmful; however, prolonged anxiety can be

damaging to your health. Prolonged anxiety is often labelled stress. Well
come back to stress in a moment.
Destructive Anxiety
How do you know whether your anxiety levels are normal or not? Well
some signs of excessive anxiety are:
o Anxious feelings that are out of proportion to the real danger.

o Anxiety that interferes with your work, pleasure and relationships.
o Anxiety that interferes with effective problem-solving.
Most of us experience one or all of the above, at least occasionally. If

these signs of destructive anxiety sound familiar and have become a
regular feature, then experiencing more calmness in your life will prove to
be very beneficial and will surely lift your mood on a day-to-day basis.
As you may have noticed, we encourage deep relaxation as part of an

effective depression-beating strategy. Hopefully, by now, you will
understand exactly why; both in terms of how anxiety fuels depression
and how relaxation counters anxiety (and therefore depression).
Panic attack: Scary words
Think of the term: Panic attack. Two of the scariest words in the English
language panic and attack combined and given to the most anxious
members of the population! That is hardly helpful.
Like many things, anxiety has become labelled as a pathological problem

rather than a natural response.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
I know it will never catch on (cause it just aint catchy, right?), but I like
to refer to panic attacks as inappropriate exercise responses. Why?
Because thats all they are!
If you are on a running machine in the gym then the following feels
perfectly natural:
o Fast heart rate

o Excessive sweating
o Dry mouth
o Rapid high in the chest breathing
But wait. Isnt this exactly the same experience as a panic attack?
Well yes, and no. There is one key difference. Context, or the situation
you are in when these symptoms occur.
Location, location, location

If you are on a bus, in your car or waiting at the checkout when this
happens, it can feel very strange and pretty unpleasant because you are
obviously actually exercising.
Which is why, at this point, you feel like running away. Your mind/body is
now in the perfect state for heavy exercise and thats what it expects
you to do! But, of course, running away when you have a panic attack
simply reinforces the impression that the situation is a dangerous one.
Sitting it out and ignoring the anxiety as much as possible feeds back the
message that your system doesnt need to produce this response for you
to stay safe.
So, a panic attack is your body acting like its doing heavy exercise when
its not.
And why would someones body produce your exercise

response when not actually exercising?
Glad you asked that, Depresso! Your body can take the lead from your
mind. If you perceive a situation as threatening, your body (as it is very
efficient) will produce the exercise response in preparation for the activity
you need to perform to best deal with the threat. So you sweat, breathe
fast and pump blood in preparation for fleeing the situation, or fighting.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Curbing Panic Attacks

Panic shouldnt be cured! (Its too useful a response and anyway, we
couldnt get rid of it.)
But panic attacks should.
A car alarm that is always going off shouldnt be dismantled but it should
be adjusted so it is not over-sensitive. Similarly, panic attacks are
basically the alarm bell going off when there is no real emergency.
Freeze, flight or fight
Although everyone talks about the fight or flight response (including us in

this program) its actually not just a question of flight or fight. There is
always a freeze response first.
Imagine you are in your home and believe yourself to be in alone. You
suddenly hear a noise. You dont instantly go into fight or flight you
freeze first. You may stop moving and become statue like. Maybe only
your eyes move. At that point you realise youve left a window open and
the curtains are flapping in the breeze, so you allow yourself to relax
again.
But why did you freeze? Well, one answer could be that during the
majority of our evolution as a species, the large predators who threatened
us daily could only see movement. By standing still, you become
invisible.
Oh Yeah? How can going all weak help me fight a
predator?
Thanks, Depresso. Im coming to that. If you feel genuinely trapped in a

situation then energy may actually shut down temporarily so you can
remain still for a longer period.
If this happens, you may feel very weak rather than flooded with energy.
This makes sense in survival terms. If you were trapped in the jaws of a
predator you may play dead (as many animals do). The predator is then
more likely to let its guard down (thinking you are dead or helpless),
giving you another chance to escape.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Freezing and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is characterised by nightmares,

flashbacks (memories of the trauma as if it is happening again) and
extreme terror around anything that resembles, even slightly, the original
trauma or details surrounding it.
This is important in the context of depression, because left untreated (or

treated wrongly), the hyper-arousal caused by PTSD can lead to
depression, (as illustrated by the Cycle of Depression diagram). The brain
of someone with PTSD is constantly stressed, making this person think in
all-or-nothing terms, and effectively disabling them from operating
normally.
If, when panicking, you get stuck in the freeze response (perhaps
because of feeling trapped and therefore unable to go into fight or flight
mode), you may later develop PTSD. This needs to be de-conditioned by a
well-trained psychological practitioner.
Note: Approaches where the original incident is re-lived, such as

critical incident debriefing, have been shown to be ineffective,
perhaps even damaging treatments for PTSD. The most effective
treatments involve pairing relaxation with a calm and dissociated
review of the traumatic incident, allowing the memory to be
processed by the higher cortex, often stopping flashbacks and panic
attacks after a single hour-long session. For more on this, see:
www.rewindtechnique.com
A version of this is available in our panic attack program.
Panic attacks and faulty pattern matching
If your brain has learned that a situation is life-threatening (whether in

reality it is or not) then it may start producing inappropriate exercise
responses in situations that resemble the original in any way.
For example: A man who had been in a train crash was making a faulty
pattern when he saw cars. Cars are enough like trains (theyre metal,
carry people and make noise) for his instinctive brain to make a sloppy
match and produce the fight or flight response.
o A woman who had been mugged by a man in a red jacket has a

frightening flashback every time she sees men wearing red.
o A woman who had suffered brutal treatment in one relationship still

feels frightened and angry with her newer, much gentler boyfriend.
o A boy who was terrorized by bullies at school feels fear twenty

years later on entering an adult education classroom.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
o A woman who has sat feeling depressed in a certain house feels

depressed just by going into the house. When the old associations
are changed (by redecorating) she feels better.
All emotional life has to do with pattern matching.
If you feel you are suffering in this way, you need to see someone who is
trained in the Rewind technique as they should be able to relieve the
PTSD comfortably and rapidly. Click here to learn more about the Rewind
technique.
Phobias
Phobias are simply panic attacks triggered by specific objects. This is why
people can literally be phobic of anything!
For example, a young child puts a plastic button in their mouth. A

concerned adult screams at the child to take out the button. The scream
shocks the child and henceforth it feels scared of buttons.
Alternatively, a child may learn a phobia from a parent. Seeing your

mother respond with extreme fear to a spider for example, often teaches
a young child to respond in the same way.
A third way phobias can develop is when high background stress levels
spill over and create the panic response. For example, a woman who has
always been comfortable flying finds that, due to work pressures, shes
more stressed than normal. Hence, the added arousal caused by taking
off in a plane trips her already taught tripwire and causes a panic attack.
In a survey of 1000 people via our panic attacks website, over 80% of
these people had been going through higher-than-usual periods of stress
when they had their first panic attack.
Stress
Despite how they may appear from the outside, internally depressed
people are always stressed (their hormonal profile clearly shows this).
This is why learning effective stress management is so important.
Weve seen that anxiety is excellent as a short-term emergency response.

Now, lets have a look at what happens in the body when a threat is
perceived.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
The stressor
First in the chain comes the stressor, which can be real or imagined.
This, of course, is a key point. The imagination of what will happen if I

lose my job? can be almost as terrifying as facing a mugger unless you
have effective stress management techniques.
Key point: Your instincts will respond to your imagination the same
as to a real experience.
The first two minutes

During the first couple of minutes after perceiving a threat, your body
produces the hormone adrenaline, amongst others. This basically
mobilises you to be ready for exercise and be hyper-alert, plus the other
changes we have already discussed.
As part of this response, long-term functions are de-prioritised.
You may have noticed that when anxious your stomach feels strange and
you may get a dry mouth. This is because to run away from a lion you
dont need to be eating a hamburger! So:
o Digestion and salivation get switched off.
o Sex drive is switched off.
o Immune function diminishes.
o Growth hormone is turned off, as are many of the normal

housekeeping functions.
o Higher logical thought is also put on hold; we dont need to be too

intellectual when fleeing an attack its not the time to be thinking
Now just how dangerous is this? much better to err on the side
of caution.
o Blood sugar is made available and used up quickly, which can lead
to dips in energy. (Regular protein intake can help this as it
digests more slowly and provides a more steady flow of energy to
your system.)

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Short- vs. long-term response

This is great for a short-term survival situation, but when the emergency
is over, presumably after a successful fight or flight (usually lasting no
more than a few minutes), little is lost as a result of this brief diversion of
resources.
If the perceived threat continues for longer than a couple of minutes, the
adrenal glands produce something called cortisol, which is basically your
long-term stress hormone.
Cortisol and depression

It may seem strange to talk about depression as a state of high arousal as
depressed people often look flat and inactive. However, blood samples
show increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
If you work to hard for too long without proper rest, your levels of cortisol
rise. Eventually, this can cause burn out, which is when people typically
take time off work for stress.
Stress can make you feel stupid

If your anxiety goes on for weeks without a break, then the stress
response becomes maladaptive. In other words, it is no longer an
effective response as it is not curing the problem it was generated to
solve.
Because this leads to an ongoing inhibition of your ability to use your

brains higher cortex, you can end up feeling stupid. But of course it is not
you, it is the anxiety getting in the way of your normal abilities.
Stress is a physical condition

So, if someone is suffering from stress they are suffering on a physical,
as well as a psychological, level. Their body is responding as if they are
under constant physical threat and therefore inhibiting the proper
functioning of much of the normal housekeeping of the mind and body.
This is why long-term stress can result in slowed healing from physical
wounds etc.
This is all very depressing! I thought you were supposed to

be helping!
Well, of course you would say that! But information is power Depresso,
and once a person can see that they are responding perfectly naturally,
and they understand what is happening, they are in a much better
position to get rid of you!
Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Quick strategies to manage anxiety and stress

Happily, there are plenty of techniques you can learn to calm everything
down and feel better fast.
First, lets examine a different way of looking at anxiety that should be

encouraging (if Depresso can keep quiet for a second or two!)
Anxiety is fragile
Someone emailed me recently asking why they felt calmer when they
chewed gum. I wrote back replying that I guessed it was because the
feedback they were giving their instincts indicated that there was no real
emergency.
If your body is really under threat, it will not have the luxury of being
able to eat. Chewing gum produces saliva therefore the feedback is that
there is no real threat. This only worked because the stress level was
relatively low (not life-threatening), but it worked for this guy
nonetheless.
Toppling dominoes
Think of a row of dominoes. Line them all up and give

them a push and what happens? They all topple.
But, take just one out and they stop toppling.
Its the same with anxiety. But with anxiety, the dominoes are:
1. Little or no saliva production

2. All-or-nothing thinking
3. Taught, hard muscles
4. Rapid, panting breathing
If we take one of these away, the panic topple stops. Your system calms
down again. Which makes it nice and simple; to stop panic, we need to:
1. Encourage saliva production

2. Ignore or question all-or-nothing thoughts
3. Relax physically
4. Deliberately breathe in a relaxed way
So lets take them one at a time

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
1. Encourage saliva production

This is fairly simple, you can:
1. Chew gum
2. Imagine your favourite food something strongly flavoured such as
curry (or lemons!)
2. Ignore or question all-or-nothing thoughts

This can take a little practice, but essentially what you are trying to do is
separate yourself from the catastrophic thoughts caused by anxiety. The
easiest way to do this is to reassure yourself by saying: (in your head of
course), That is the anxiety talking.
Or, you could remember the story of the wise man and the pool earlier
and say to yourself: Because the water is not calm just now, I cant see
clearly. I will think again when I am calm.
This may sound simple (and it is), but it is also powerful. Anxiety has to
be maintained and when you stop responding to anxiety-provoking
thoughts, the anxiety subsides very quickly.
3. Relax a tense body

Tense muscles are a major part of the overall anxiety picture, particularly
around the neck and shoulders. Being tuned-in to notice this and
possessing the skills to deliberately relax gives additional feedback to your
brain that reassures it there is nothing to fear.
First though, you need to know how your body feels when it is properly
relaxed, otherwise you wont be able to tell the difference when it is tense.
You can start this by noticing how your neck and shoulders feel after a
Relaxed Review, then tensing them up deliberately, and relaxing them
again.
In addition, and this is something I highly recommend, you can take a

class in Tai Chi, Yoga, or some other focusing and relaxing discipline.
Because these classes typically run over 10 weeks or do, you gradually
train yourself to notice your body more and have more control over your
levels of physical tension.
In addition, you will repeatedly experience the process of choosing what

to focus your mind on another key anxiety management skill.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
4. Breathing in a relaxed way

Out of all the anxiety dominoes, this is the most important. Learning,
practising and utilising when necessary, the correct breathing techniques
can stop anxiety in its tracks.
Not just deep breathing

Often, we find people have been misinformed when it comes to correct
breathing techniques used to rid yourself of anxiety. The deep breathing
methods sometimes taught can actually contribute to hyperventilation,
and increases arousal, rather than decreasing it.
Breathe Easy by Dr David Lewis gives all the research-based reasons why
breathing is the quickest way to alter your own physical state.
Oh, everyone knows about breathing its hardly

groundbreaking is it?
No, youre right Depresso. Everyone does it (even animals do it) but done
correctly it is a powerful tool in our comprehensive anti-depression toolkit;
which is just what you dont want to hear, right?
Before we go on to learn about the right way to breathe in a relaxed way,

lets take a look at how and why this works.
Breathing in vs. breathing out

When you breathe in quickly, you mobilise your sympathetic nervous
system. And when you are anxious you tend to gulp air, which is your
body flooding your bloodstream and muscles with oxygen in preparation
for heavy exercise. If this oxygen is not used up (by exercise), you can
start to feel as if you havent got enough oxygen, resulting in
hyperventilation.
Question: Does that sounds strange? Well, it should! How can

having too much oxygen in your bloodstream make you feel as if
you havent got enough? Its because your body actually needs a
certain amount of CO2 (carbon dioxide) in order to uptake oxygen
effectively. Thats why people who hyperventilate are told to
breathe into a paper bag so they re-inhale their own carbon
dioxide and restore the balance.
Now, when you breathe out you mobilise the parasympathetic nervous
system the part that calms you down. So then it becomes a simple
balancing act:

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Breathing in for longer than you breathe out = increased anxiety

Breathing out for longer than you breathe in = decreased anxiety
The 7:11 Breathing Pattern
From this scientifically validated principle has come a breathing method

that is both simple and effective. It is called the 7:11 technique, meaning
that you breathe in for the count of 7, and out for the count of 11. (In fact
the only reason these numbers are chosen is because it is easy to
remember! Some people find this means they have to count too fast and
so prefer to use 3:5, or something like that.
The other key part (other than the timing) is that you should breathe with
your diagphragm. That means that rather than using your chest muscles
to breathe, you are using the muscles lower down.
You can tell if you are doing it right by placing a hand on your stomach.
As you breathe, your stomach should rise and fall.
Now, Depresso is most likely to make you think Its not working, I have
to try something else.
Not so! With this technique, you dont need to try something else, you just
keep doing it until you get the hang of it. It might be a mind-blowing
experience the first, second, or even third time you try it; but, as we
already know, nothing worthwhile comes without perseverance.
So to summarise:
1. Breathe in to the count of 7 (or 3)
2. Breathe out to the count of 11 (or 5)
3. Breathe from your stomach
4. And if you feel like pausing between breaths, pause at the end of
the out breath.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Id like you to commit, right now, to doing this for 2 minutes, twice a day,
until you are confident you can use it whenever you need to.
Admission: I dont suffer from anxiety and I often use the 7:11
before giving a presentation or going in to an important
meeting. I want my brain to be nice and calm for these situations.
It may take a few minutes, but the body will respond regardless of what
your mind is thinking.
7:11 Breathing Exercise

Purpose: To give you the skills and confidence to bring down anxiety
levels whenever you need to
Success Indicators: You will feel less at the mercy of anxiety and will
automatically begin using the 7:11 breathing technique whenever you
need to feel more relaxed.
So now, please go to your notebook and write under the heading

Relaxation Breathing:
I am going to practise 7:11 breathing twice a day until I am confident I
can relax myself with it whenever I need to.
And then write down at least 3 times during your day that you could do
this. For example:
1. Lying in bed at night
2. Sitting on the toilet
3. While watching TV
And when your body begins to relax, your thoughts become more relaxing
too! Remember, Depresso is counting on you to give up easily as soon
as it feels a little difficult. He likes you to quit things and not try for long.
So, ignore him for now and get used to doing this.

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
And start now sit down and close your eyes for a little while. Just
become aware of your breathing down in your stomach.
Do this now for two minutes...
Hello again! (two minutes later I hope!)
Good! You have started your practice, whether you feel more relaxed now
or not, you have taken the first step towards becoming expert at
controlling your own physiology. Whats more, it helps you control your
thoughts, too!
Youre not trying to get too positive on me, are you? I hate
that!
Whoops! I wouldnt dare Depresso! The reason I say this is that thinking
about something while relaxed makes that thing more relaxing! Its called
conditioning, or association. We can even begin to get comfortable with
the idea of you! Imagine that, people no longer being afraid of you! What
will you do?
Relaxed worrying!
Any time you feel a little tense or start to worry about something, just
take a few moments to do 7/11 breathing. It brings arousal down very
quickly.
Session Three Summary
In this session you have learned about:
o What anxiety is and how it works

o How anxiety feeds negative thoughts and vice versa
o Why anxiety is linked to depression
o What panic attacks are
o 4 techniques to manage anxiety and panic
For more information on anxiety and panic visit: www.panic-attacks.co.uk

Session Three
Overcoming Anxiety
Now, you have absorbed a lot of information during this section. It will be
useful for you to revisit this section a few times until it really sticks.
Listening to this sections Relaxed Review now will also help that happen,
plus it contains a training session for 7:11 breathing.
To download Relaxed Review Session Three, click here


Session Four
Influence & Control
Session Four
Influence & Control
A Question of Influence
You may remember from the Learning Path that we talked about control,
or influence and how important it is that you have a realistic perception
of your amount of control when working to overcome depression.
As weve seen, the need for a sense of control is an important basic need,
which is why it can have such a strong effect on us when it becomes
unbalanced.
In this session, we are going to delve deeper into the issues of control and
influence.
It is well known that people who experience depressions often report

feeling powerless over their situation, or feeling that there is little they
can do to influence outcomes in life.
As Im sure you realise by now, Depresso seriously warps your perception

and thinking abilities. This knowledge can enable you to be a little
sceptical if you hear yourself saying: This is hopeless. Thats just
Depresso talking.
Memory point: Depression makes many people feel that they have
little control in life, when in fact they do have influence. Its just
that Depresso keeps them looking in the wrong places for that
control, and thinking in the wrong way.
Or too much control?
The flip side of this coin, also common in depression, is the feeling that
you should be controlling things that you cant or shouldnt control. You
then waste vast amounts of energy trying to control the uncontrollable, or
worrying about it when theres nothing you can actually do!
This session will give you tools and strategies to become more flexible
(and therefore happier) around issues of control and influence in your life.
Flexible thinking
People who are good at controlling Depresso tend to be flexible thinkers.

They limit the damage of a setback by not over-generalising or
globalising (see next session). Instead, when something goes wrong,
they see it as just one thing. They dont feel Now everything is ruined!

Session Four
Influence & Control
Flexible thinking is a skill that is learnable. Its part of the way we put
Depresso in his place.
When to influence
Flexible thinkers dont fall for the illusion that they have to have total
control in a situation. They also dont assume that they have no control.
They are good at knowing the difference between things they can
influence and things they can control.
In fact, when you think about it, you dont really control anything. Now, if
that sounds bleak (and it will if Depresso is still lurking around), no
worries. It certainly doesnt have to be!
You influence whether a light comes on when you press a light switch but
you dont ultimately control the outcome. If the fuse is blown, you can
change the fuse, if the bulb is blown, you can change the bulb. If there is
some other problem then you can call an electrician, but if there is a
power cut, theres nothing you can do to make the light go on (unless you
own a generator!). But having influence is fine. Who needs total control
anyway?
The Control Freak
While I dont think that control freak is a particularly helpful label to give
someone, it is a common idea, so its worth looking at.
Some people do try to control almost everything around them. They do

this to help themselves feel less anxious. They tend to be perfectionists
who, as we already know, are all-or-nothing thinkers (unless something is
perfect it is ruined).
They often end up accidentally bullying other people (and themselves!) by

demanding perfection.
Of course, once they become more flexible they begin to experience that
having real control means knowing what you can influence and when you
can relax, without being in control. Ultimately, life is much more enjoyable
that way!
Examples of the illusion of too much control
o Feeling guilty if someone else is in a bad mood (although you may

be able to influence the moods of others you can not control them).
o Feeling that you should be perfect. The perfect weight, appearance,

intellect, morality etc.

Session Four
Influence & Control
o Feeling that physical illness/unfortunate life events are down to an

individuals attitude or behavior. The idea that positive thinking is
all you need.
o Fear of making a fool of oneself or being humiliated. If I do

something wrong then every one will laugh at me and think I am
stupid! Again, this is all-or-nothing thinking. Nobody can totally
control what others think or dont think by doing or not doing
something.
o Feeling that someone elses predicament or problem is completely

your fault. Feeling the need to take or assume blame for someone
elses depression, addiction, mood etc.
o Feeling that there is no such thing as bad luck, and that we should
have total control over what happens to us.
o Feeling that you can and should make someone else act a certain
way or change themselves.
Emotional consequences
Of course, there are emotional consequences to going about life in this

way. If you had been thinking in the above ways then you are more likely
to have feelings of guilt, disappointment and anxiety. You are also likely to
catastrophize (see session seven).
The illusion of too little control
Learned helplessness was a term coined by the psychologist Martin

Seligman in the early 1970s. He learned from his research that people
(and animals) can learn to act helplessly after experiencing a lack of
control.
This feeling of an absence of control was then carried over into new
situations, so that they responded as if they were helpless when in fact
there was plenty they could do to influence the new situation.
Important learning: If you feel helpless to influence a situation,

think a little harder, considering this: What do other people do to
influence similar situations? How you could do the same?
In fact, in the new environment, they do have influence but they dont use
it because they still feel as if they dont have control, which stems from
the learning from the first environment.

Session Four
Influence & Control
For example, a child may grow up in a family in which she is not allowed
to contribute to decision-making. Then, when she grows up, she may still
feel, that their thoughts count for little say in the workplace or
relationships. She is applying learning from one area of life to an area
where it doesnt apply.
Fortunately, this is often relatively easy to overcome. It simply takes

recognition of this fact, and then some effort to start exerting influence.
As with all new things, it feels uncomfortable at first, but once feedback
comes that shows their opinion is valued, the pattern is broken.
Wings of freedom
I sometimes use the analogy of the caged bird who hasnt yet realised the
cage door is now open. The bird can fly to freedom but is still behaving as
if it is trapped.
Examples of the illusion of too little control
o Not being assertive. Not stating personal opinions.

o Being put upon by others. Feeling that you cant or shouldnt say
no.
o Over-blaming other people for ones own problems.
o Feeling that everything in life health, finances, choice of partner,
is down to fate.
o Feeling that ones health, weight and personality are solely a case
of genetics and cannot be influenced.
o Feeling that life has dealt you a poor hand and its not possible to
play a poor hand well.
o Feeling that passed a certain age there is a rapid and inevitable
decline in mental and physical powers.
o Hoping others treat you well and are nice to you. Feeling that you
have no influence over this at all.
o Day dreaming of life being better, fantasising of winning the lottery
or being swept off your feet by a beautiful stranger. Feeling that
these things would make everything right and these are the only
chances (entirely down to luck) of things getting better.
o Fear of taking even reasonable risks: How could I possibly?, and
What little old me do that?
Emotional consequences
o Loss of the basic human need for a realistic sense of control in life.
o Giving up, despondency, Whats the use in trying?
o Living life in fantasy avoiding making and acting on practical plans
and strategies.
o Sense of life passing me by. Boredom, under-stimulation and
stagnation.
o Defeatism in sports, politics and love.

Session Four
Influence & Control
o Anxiety - hoping desperately that other people and events are nice
to you. Feeling that life happens to you and that you are a passive
rather than an active agent.
o Loss of hope.
o Depression. Feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem and
confidence with the accompanying detrimental effects. For example,
optimists tend to have better functioning immune systems, sleep
better and report overall better health.
True Story
A woman came to me complaining that her boyfriend constantly put her
down and criticised her. She also said her boss hated her, constantly
finding fault and bullying her. She said that there was nothing she could
do about these situations (illusion of too little control).
She said she hated her job but there was no hope of her doing anything
else (illusion of too little control) and that she felt guilty that her boyfriend
was obviously so grumpy and dissatisfied with her (illusion of too much
control).
She would avoid responding to the nitpicking of her partner or boss

thinking to herself: Whats the use? It wouldnt make any difference
anyway! (illusion of too little control).
What we did
We explored her perceptions of what she could and could not influence in
life. We rehearsed what she could say to her partner and boss. We did this
during deep relaxation so she could learn to feel calm when
communicating assertively.
She gave her boyfriend an ultimatum for stopping his critical behavior. His
attitude began to change. She began to challenge his unfair criticisms
every time they arose. She began to enjoy being an active agent in life
and discovering her influence.
She began to be more assertive and forthright with her boss who sensed
the change in her. She found the confidence to re-train as a florist. She
went part-time at work as she developed an Internet business selling
flowers online. She felt she had discovered a new part of herself with
power and influence that she never knew before.
Result: A happier person with a healthier relationship and a better job!
Lesson: How much influence you feel you have is important. You need to
know what you cant influence much (the weather, global economy, how
much your kid actually enjoys academic work) and what you actually do
have influence over (your communication with others, your anxiety levels,
your income).

Session Four
Influence & Control
Control Exercise
Purpose: To help you identify if you have problems determining realistic
levels of control or influence, and if you do, to be more flexible in your
interpretations.
Success Indicators: You may start exerting personal influence in

situations where you previously felt helpless, or conversely you may let
things be at times when before you felt you should be able to affect the
outcome. Generally, you should be more subtle in your assessment of how
much you can control in any situation, and Depresso will get less of a
chance to do his all or nothing thinking. This will have the effect of
greatly reducing your emotional arousal, such as anxiety or anger.
Ok, now grab your pen, pencil, writing tool of whatever kind you prefer
and prepare to write in your progress notebook.
This exercise is going to make you flex your thinking muscles and help
you increase your ability to think creatively and realistically about control.
It will take some concentration on your part (although it should be fun,

too). So if you feel like you need it, go and listen to last sessions
Relaxed Review again to give yourself a boost, then come back here and
continue.
So onto the exercise
For the list below, I want you to write the amount of control you feel you
have from 1 to 10. 10 equals total control and 1 equals absolutely no
control.
Next to your score write why you have scored it this way.
Control too low

Then, I want you to get creative and flexible. If you mark something as
lower than you would like, then write Practical steps I can take to
increase my sense of control.
Write down all the steps and strategies you can think of to increase your
control over that item.
For example if you score 1 for Physical fitness you could write I can take
up walking/jogging/aerobics.

Session Four
Influence & Control
Control too high

If you feel that you are exerting too high a sense of control (for example if
you score 10 for weather!) then write Creating more flexibility around
my issues of control.
For example: I am not all-powerful, bad weather is not entirely my

fault... etc.The list
o The weather
o The mood of your partner or good friend
o The quality of your diet
o Your physical attractiveness
o Your height
o Your intelligence
o Your physical fitness
o Your health
o The quality of your work
o How much you enjoy your work
o How much you earn
o How happy people in your life are
o How long you live
o How creative you are
o How much sleep you get
o The quality of your work relationships
o Your emotional state
In a similar exercise that I did with a group of trainee therapists, we had

everything from 0% to 100% control for How long you live (the truth is
clearly somewhere in the middle!)
Once you have completed this, check out my thoughts on the Control
Exercise.
Control Examples Exercise

Purpose: To make the learnings from this section real. For this Program
to be effective, the exercises must come off the page and integrate with
the way you do things in real life. This exercise will help that happen.
Success Indicators: You will start noticing more how control issues pop
up all over the place, and how much easier life is when you can quickly
and accurately decide whether to exert influence or not.
Over the next few days, I want you to write in your progress notebook
examples of issues of control in your day-to-day life and how you used
flexible thinking to make things more comfortable for you.
This is an essential step as it integrates your new learning with real life
and begins to help you alter your thought processes deliberately.

Session Four
Influence & Control
Write down the heading: Examples of issues of control in my life and how
I flexibly negotiated them.
Yes, do that now!
At the end of the next three days, retrospectively look at your day and
write down examples. Example
Sue has a teenage daughter who comes home and tells her that she failed
a math exam because she couldnt be bothered to revise hard enough.
Sue instantly feels racked with guilt. How could she have let her daughter
be so lazy? What kind of a mother was she in that she didnt even know
her daughter wasnt working hard enough?
Then Sue remembers her three-day assignment and starts to get flexible!
Wait a second! she tells herself, My daughter is seventeen. She has a
mind and a will of her own. Its not entirely my fault if she didnt work
hard enough. In fact, its mainly down to her. I tried to influence her by
encouraging her to work hard enough but its ultimately down to her. I
refuse to take full responsibility. And now I have something positive to
write in my progress book for those nice people at Uncommon
Knowledge!
Oh, come on! How do you expect a little thing like that to
have any effect on me? Im bigger than that, you know!
Heh, heh, I was just thinking we hadnt heard from you in a while,
Depresso. Again, you rear your ugly head with the damaging all-or-
nothing thinking. You know perfectly well that we will get rid of you by
building a Depresso-proof way of thinking, and a Depresso-proof life. That
will come bit-by-bit with ongoing effort. The thing is, the same human
attribute that allows you to succeed is going to get rid of you. People get
into the habit of thinking the way you teach them to. Now, they are going
to get into the habit of thinking differently, so it becomes easy. Plus, then
theyll be inoculated against you because they know what you sound like,
and all the destructive tricks you use.
Now, as an end to this session, you can use the Relaxed Review to
further absorb the information on control.
As I said earlier, its good to relax deeply at least once a day.

Session Four
Influence & Control
Session Four Summary
In this session youve learned about:
o The problems of assuming too little control over situations

o The problems of assuming too much control
o How to make your perception of control more realistic
To download Relaxed Review Session Four, click here


Session Five
Problem Solving
Session Five
Problem Solving
Problems and Depression - Making mountains out of

molehills
If you are feeling depressed, I would predict that you frequently feel
overwhelmed by problems. This is something we consistently see to be
true with our depressed clients.
Because of the way depression works, it makes problems appear worse

than they really are. (Remember all-or-nothing thinking?) With
depression, problems are either easy or impossible. With depression,
there is no in-between. And whenever the solution to a problem involves a
few steps, depression will tend to make you throw your hands up in
despair. (Can you see how this also ties in with exerting too little
influence?)
Depression gives us the sense that problems are insurmountable, mostly

by creating so much confusion around them that they never get broken
down into do-able chunks, and so remain at the overwhelming and huge
stage. Remember that people used to build gigantic cathedrals by hand!
When you get better at problem solving:
o Thinking about problems will not cause emotional arousal

o You will feel more in control
o You will have less anxiety
o You will dream less and have better sleep
o You will feel much happier during the daytime, because you will
feel in control of problems, rather than them controlling you
Problem solving
Depression can be seen as a signal to your self and to people around you.
The signal or message basically states:
I am stuck in my life and dont know where to go from here.
As we know, depression makes you see lifes difficulties as permanent,

which leads to pessimism. Alternatively, developing good problem-solving
skills makes us less depressed, dare I say happier, and more relaxed.
So, whether its emotional problems or practical problems that plague

you, you need to become good at solving them.

Session Five
Problem Solving
The nature of problems
There are two types of problems:
o Practical problems
o Psychological problems
But, of course, practical problems and psychological problems overlap and

influence one another. You need to be clear as to which of your problems
are psychological and which are practical and therefore need practical
solutions.
Practical problems include:
o The car breaking down

o Money difficulties
o Physical difficulties such as illness
o Having more work than you can cope with
o Your kid behaving badly
Ways to overcome practical problems include:
o Learning good problem solving approaches

o Learning new skills
o Knowing who and how to ask for help
o Overcoming psychological problems to make practical problems
easier to solve
Examples of psychological problems are:
o Feeling very low even when practical problems have been solved
o Feeling guilty a lot of the time
o Constantly mulling over stuff from the unchangeable past
o Experiencing regular anxiety
o Being addicted to some substance or activity
We are going to call practical problems external problems and

psychological problems internal problems.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Regardless of the nature of the problems in your life, one thing is sure.
Being calm helps problem solving
Or put differently:
Your brain works better when you are calm, and makes problem
solving much easier
Or
When your brain is emotional, it makes you feel and think that
problems are insurmountable
I know, I know, Im repeating myself. I dont want to be a pain, but this is

just so important. If you can bear with the uncertainty of not knowing how
a problem will be solved, you will be able to react in a calmer state.
Likewise, if you can accept the fact that you can look at a problem and
have no idea how to solve it, yet come up with a solution later, you will be
able to persevere without panicking.
After all, we know that all sorts of people can deal with all kinds of things
in life without becoming depressed. How do they do it? The answer is an
easy one. They stay calm when presented with problems.
Listing Problems Exercise

Purpose: Problems can only feel overwhelming when you fail to break
them down into solvable steps. This exercise is the first step to gaining
control over problems so Depresso cant use them to add fuel to his fire.
Success Indicators: Whenever you start thinking about a problem,

instead of feeling anxious or overwhelmed, you will simply add it to your
problem list. You will start to feel more in control of your life, and feel
more optimistic about the possibility of solving the problems that have
been plaguing you.
Ok, now in your notebook, write down two headings:
External problems and Internal problems.
Under each heading, write every problem you can think of in your life. If
Depressos been getting to you recently, this should be easy as he makes
you focus on problems. Depresso also makes you see things as problems
when they dont really need to be.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Do this now.
Now, write down how each problem is connected to a basic human need.
For example, financial problems can block the need for control. Shyness
can block the need for attention and intimacy, etc.
And remember to lock Depresso in another room while you do this. You
need to be clear and calm in your mind. If you need a rest before doing
this, listen to lasts sessions Relaxed Review.
Once you have done this (and please give it a go yourself first), you might
like to read through my ideas about the Listing Problems Exercise.
Internal problems
Some difficulties we cant help having. Many are worsened by the way we
feel, think and behave. Depression can prevent people overcoming
practical problems by:
o Stopping them from taking necessary action because of loss of

energy
o Distorting their perceptions so they believe the negativity of their
imaginations
o Over-reacting or acting too soon because of an inability to relax
with uncertainty
o Impairing their thought processes through over-emotionality and
making problems seem worse than they are
Once you have learned how to overcome internal problems, the external
problems of life will become much easier to handle.
To illustrate how depression can blow problems out of proportion, consider

the following true-life case study:
True Story A Major Problem?
A man I was treating for depression came in to see me one day. He said
he had been feeling very low and at times suicidal over the past couple of
days.
I asked him why he thought this was and he said that he had been getting
his spectacles free (through his sickness benefit), but then two days ago

Session Five
Problem Solving
he had received a letter from the Governments benefits agency telling

him that he should have been paying for them himself.
He was told he would have to pay back the money and that there may
have to be legal proceedings. He panicked at this thought and Depresso
began to play with his imagination.
He imagined himself being prosecuted for fraud, going through the whole
court case in his head, all the way up to the point where he ended up in
prison!
I asked him whether he had actually contacted the agency and he told me
he hadnt. So I asked him to phone them from my office, which he did.
They told him that there was no problem, but that a small amount would
be deducted from his benefits over the next few months.
And so the problem resumed its rightful size and importance. Practical
problems need practical solutions! If you ever feel yourself becoming
emotional over a practical problem, you can take a moment to calm down
(using 7:11 breathing if you like), safe in the knowledge that emotion
wont help you solve it! If this man had done this, he would have been
able to think things like This must happen to people all the time! If they
were sent to jail, there would be a terrible outcry about it, so it cant be as
serious as I had feared.
Thinking style: As you will no doubt have recognised, his

depression caused him to think in all-or-nothing ways about the
problem. Instead of breaking it down and thinking about the steps
needed to tackle it, he imagined the possible outcomes, which
caused his anxiety levels to rise and further impeded his ability to
solve the problem at hand.
Its vital to remember that Depression maintains faulty ways of perceiving

reality. These have more to do with feeling than thinking. Remember,
your knowledge is your power. Take a look at some of Depressos tricks
and see if they look familiar.
Hey! What are you trying to do to me!! Dont give my

secrets away!
That is just what we are going to do, Depresso. When we understand

how you operate, we take back the control.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Depressos Secrets:
How internal problems are created and maintained
1 - Pattern matching
Trigger > Pattern match > Emotion > Thought
Despite the fact that it may feel different, it is vital that you understand
internal problems are actually caused by faulty pattern matching. You
respond emotionally to life events before you think.
This is how past emotional learning can affect your present life.
How it works
Through experience, the instinctive parts of your brain learn to respond

emotionally to specific triggers. This is called pattern matching
(remember this from the session on anxiety?). When a pattern in life
matches up to a pre-learned pattern, an emotional response is produced.
For example, if you learn through experience that a certain look means
someone is angry with you, then a similar look from someone else, even
though it may mean something different, can trigger the old emotional
response. And, it may continue to do that until you relearn a different
way of responding to that look either by experience, or by deliberately
remembering just why this person is different at the times they give you
that look.
Another example would be a kid who witnesses their mum being terrified
of birds. While they havent had the bad experience themselves, they still
learn to match the pattern of a bird with the pattern of fear. They may
then grow up with a bird phobia, unless at some stage they relearn how
to respond to birds.
Faster than thought
Pattern matching occurs quicker than the speed of thought and outside
your conscious awareness. That means that the first thing you are aware
of is the feeling, or perhaps just the thoughts resulting from that feeling.
(In fact, neuroscience has shown us that it can happen up to half a second
before we have a conscious awareness of the thing we have pattern
matched to!)
So for example, if you feel sad in a particular type of situation

encountering a similar situation in future can produce the same emotion -
whether appropriate or not. This we call faulty pattern matching. Its not
that it is wrong, just not appropriate for you.
This is how music can be so evocative. Your brain matches the pattern of
the music to the emotional state you were in when you heard it last,
especially if that emotional state was a strong one.

Session Five
Problem Solving
This instinctive response is precisely why we have included the Relaxed

Reviews as part of your program. They are designed to help you update
your instinctive response to situations so you dont respond automatically
in negative ways.
Illuminating a clear way forward
This insight gives us a clear way forward. Since we know all thinking
patterns are driven by emotional responses, we know that as part of our
strategy to tackle depression, we must calm down emotion.
The way Depresso thinks

Depression makes people think in very predictable ways. Once you fully
understand what is required to maintain depression, you will quite easily
be able to tackle it.
Strong emotions lock our attention and produce extremes in thinking and
perception. Take a few minutes now to read and absorb the following
thinking styles and really think about how they work to keep you
depressed.
Oh right, so all depressed people are stupid then?
A neat cynics trick, Depresso. Taking an argument to the extreme so it

looks silly is yet another example of your counter-productive all-or-
nothing thinking. If you read the paragraph again, youll see thats not
what I am saying at all. What I am saying is that YOU are predictable.
Overgeneralisations
Overgeneralising is basically drawing an overly broad conclusion from a

single piece of evidence, or taking something specific and making it
general.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Examples of overgeneralisation:
Specific Result Overgeneralisation Result

statement
Ann doesnt Information Nobody likes me! Anxiety fear that
like me! that you and you will always be
Ann are not alone. Paralysis of
going to be problem-solving
friends. You activities.
can act on
this and look
elsewhere for
friendship.
Ive had a Information My whole life is Anxiety sending
bad day. you can act terrible! you on a mental
on to give search for all the
yourself a other bad things
break that have
maybe a long happened to you,
hot bath or an ever. Impacting
exercise your sleep quality
session. that night and the
way you feel the
next day, further
supporting the
overgeneralisation.
I failed my Information I cant do anything Feelings of anxiety
maths exam that you can right-Im completely and hopelessness.
act on stupid! No reason to try
either you anything new, or
didnt study to persevere,
hard enough, when in fact most
you are not things require
cut out for perseverance.
maths, or Leading to
perhaps depression from
something impact on basic
else got in the needs.
way.
She isnt Information No women are Feelings of anxiety
attracted to that you can attracted to me! and hopelessness.
me act on you Leading to failure
approach to meet more
different potential partners
women, or do and impacting on
it in a basic needs,
different way. leading to
depression.

Session Five
Problem Solving
More critical thinking required!

Its funny that depression tend make people highly critical of external
things; medical evidence, for example: What studies were performed to
come to that conclusion? or Its all drugs company hype. But when it
comes to their own overgeneralisations, they are accepted without
question (and even argued for).
Take this program, for example, if we had said We have tried it out on 2
people and it worked, you would have thought (quite correctly): Thats
not a reasonable test thats no proof it will help me.
But, as I said at the beginning, since we and our colleagues have used
these techniques with thousands of depressed people, and frequently get
feedback that its the only treatment that has made sense to them, then
you would be right to have more confidence that it is worth investing your
time in.
Sweeping statements about yourself should almost never be accepted.

After all, they are almost always inaccurate (even when positive!). You
should make it a point to drive overgeneralisations from your brain! The
next time you hear yourself making one, simply say Now hold on a
minute Depresso. There is simply not enough evidence to make that size
of statement.
Overgeneralisations keep the emotional temperature high

No wonder Depresso loves to overgeneralise. The more you do it, the
more emotionally aroused you become. The more emotionally aroused
you become, the more likely you are to overgeneralise. Its a viscious
cycle perpetuated by damaging Depresso!
Overgeneralising
More emotion

Session Five
Problem Solving
To counter overgeneralising and its effects
1) Examine the evidence for vailidity
2) Look for counter evidence
Specific Examine the Counter-evidence

statement evidence
Ann doesnt like Hmm..That may or We have had good times
me! may not be true. She together in the past. Maybe
certainly seems to be shes going through a bad
avoiding me, but patch. Ill ask her if anything
without hearing it is wrong, then at least Ill
from her, how can I know for sure.
be certain?
Ive had a bad True, there have I did write that email, and
day. been rough patches, the meal I made tonight was
but it wasnt all bad. nice. Plus, that meeting
actually went OK.
I failed my Pretty clear-cut this
maths exam one, but you can still
watch out for
unwarranted
conclusions.
She isnt How do I know that? She did talk to me for a
attracted to me Is it just because she long time that night, and
hasnt phoned? she hasnt told me not to
Without speaking to call.
her about it, how can I
be sure?
All-or-nothing thinking
We have already talked about all-or-nothing thinking in the Learning Path,

and I have mentioned it quite a bit during the program. It is so important
though and there are still a few more things I want to say about it.
All-or-nothing thinking (sometimes called black and white thinking) is

typical of a depressive thinking style. Something is completely this or
completely that. Words like perfect, catastrophe, disaster, failure,
dumb and happy denote all-or-nothing thinking.
As we have seen, thinking in all-or-nothing terms can cause problems and

woefully distorts reality.

Session Five
Problem Solving
It leads, for example, to the feeling that you have failed completely if just
one thing you have done isnt perfect. This happens because the shades of
grey are missed out. On failing an exam, all-or-nothing thinking leads to:
I am completely useless at this! rather than Im not as good as I could
be at this.
Some more examples of all-or-nothing thinking:
o You never do anything nice for me!
o You always criticise me!
o I am terrible at making conversation with people!
o Nothing ever goes right for me!
o Everything is now ruined.
To counter all-or-nothing thinking
Instead of the extremist words like always, never, terrible etc., try using
relative terms. For example:
o Often or frequently (or even better be precise about exactly

how often) rather than always
o A pain in the neck rather than a disaster
o Rarely rather than never
Magnifying and minimising
This refers to the tendency to overemphasise or underemphasise the

meaning of an event or problem. If Depresso has his way, he will have us
magnifying our weak points and minimising our strengths.
Examples:
o I did quite well in that exam (minimising success), but Ill probably
still fail in my over all mark (maximising possible future failure).
o Yeah, Im ok with people (minimising strengths), but terrible at

organisation. (maximising weaknesses).
o The holiday/vacation was ok (minimising positives), but it was all

ruined by the uncomfortable journey home. (Maximising
negatives).

Session Five
Problem Solving
o When I do my presentation, some of them may think its alright

(minimising positives), but most of them will probably think its
awful.(maximising negatives)
To counter this:
Again, its about not accepting the first thing Depresso feeds you. Examine
whether there is external evidence for the interpretation. When little or no
evidence is found for the conclusion, its impact is weakened. Thus,
deliberately using your thinking brain at this point will help further.
Note: The thought: This is just like the last time it happened is
NOT evidence. Your memory of the last time was based on
inconclusive evidence, as well. Evidence means actual external
proof the type that would stand up in court!
If theres no evidence, it aint getting in my brain!
Negative past focus selective memory
Have you noticed that when you are feeling depressed it is extremely
difficult to recall good times in your life? And, even if you do, somehow
depression manages to make them seem bad anyway?
This is a classic aspect of depression, and one you need to be aware of.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Countering negative past focus:
If you are feeling depressed:
1. Avoid going over your history to prove that things are bad.
Remember to remind yourself that you cant trust Depressos
interpretations of things.
2. If there is something you want to think about, write it in your
Notebook and think about it when you have more energy, and when
you are feeling more upbeat.
3. Remind yourself (again and again) that when Depresso takes the
shine off a memory, it is just him talking, not you! That way you
can leave your good memories intact.
Rumination
We covered rumination in the Learning Path. Basically, it is a process of

thinking and reacting emotionally. (Rumination, in fact, is what cows do
when they repeatedly chew the same piece of food!)
Rumination is unproductive, tends to go around in circles and as you

know, produces the over-dreaming which results in next-day exhaustion
and flatness (see the cycle of depression).
To counter rumination
There are essentially two things you can do:
1. Think less
2. Think in a less emotionally arousing way

Session Five
Problem Solving
1- How to think less
a) Remind yourself that emotional rumination doesnt work. Simply

put, problems dont get solved that way.
b) Do something that makes it difficult to think. This may include
exercise, or a task that requires a great deal your attention; even
following a recipe will do it! Engage in satisfying behavior that
allows you to harnesses a positive outward focus of attention,
thereby removing the focus of attention from yourself.
c) Use the STOP technique. Whenever you catch

yourself ruminating (usually, the first thing you will notice is that
you feel anxious), simply imagine a big red STOP sign in your mind
and gently remind Depresso that there is no point going over and
over things. It will take time, but this does work. Its much like
quietly but firmly reminding a child that tantrums dont work.
Eventually, they get it and so will you (not to mention Deepresso)!
d) Relax regularly, and especially when you are feeling low. A relaxed
brain simply doesnt ruminate as much.
Awww, but I LOVE picking at old wounds! Scratching and

scratching at things until they bleed is just so satisfying!
Hmmm Showing your true colours now Depresso, arent you? Taking
pleasure in others suffering is not an attractive trait, you know?
2 How to think in a less emotionally arousing way
a) This entire section focuses on how to think in a less emotionally -

arousing way. Learn about all these thinking styles and get into the
habit of challenging them.
b) Again, relax regularly. A relaxed brain is a less emotional brain, and
as you know, your thinking brain can only operate subtly when your
emotional brain is not running the show!

Session Five
Problem Solving
Thought avoidance
You get the picture! Thought avoidance is when we fail to deal with a
problem that only gets worse the longer we leave it.
This usually happens simply because it is more comfortable at the time to

ignore the problem. Of course, in the long run, the ongoing stress caused,
plus the final outcome is usually much, much worse than having dealt with
the problem as soon as it arose.
Countering thought avoidance
a) Keep on doing this course! You will become better at problem

solving, more realistic about taking practical steps to
overcome problems, and more confident in your ability to do
so.
b) Learn from experience and when you next encounter this sort
of problem, deal with it then and there. If you feel inclined to
avoid it, take a moment to remember how painful it feels
when you put important things off, and just how proud of
yourself and satisfied you will feel that you dealt with it
straight away. Even if it doesnt work out perfectly!
Perfectionism a perfect piece of imperfection
Perfectionism is a type of rigid, inflexible absolutist thinking.
Theres just no two ways about it. Perfectionism is simplistic and

damaging. It is characterised by thinking about your own performance or
that of others in all-or-nothing terms. The results of this are:
1. You are constantly disappointed

2. You fail to extract emotional satisfaction from achievements
3. To fail to attempt new things because youll never be good
enough
4. Others are afraid to do things around you because of your
unattainable standards and harsh criticism
This is not the way to happiness. People with perfect figures, incomes,
and partners still have their ups and downs. Getting your needs met
through living in a balanced way is how you get Depresso to lose interest
in you and look elsewhere to cause trouble!

Session Five
Problem Solving
Perfectionism is an imperfect strategy because it bleaches the pleasure

from life. Its also inherently unrealistic. Rather I did the very best I could
given the difficult circumstances than: I screwed up completely!
Important Point on Expectations
Many people have unrealistic expectations. We constantly see movie star

lifestyles portrayed in the media. We all have greater expectations as to
what we should own and how we should live. However, basic needs can be
met at all kinds of levels.
A trick of Depresso is to make you think things like: I can only be happy
and life will be perfect when I meet the right man/or woman!
Or: Ill only be happy and life will be perfect when Im earning---------
amount!
Or: Ill only be happy and everything will be perfect when Ive had
cosmetic surgery!
This is called Utopianism. Its the feeling that everything will be perfect in
life once one magical thing has been gained or accomplished.
Again, this is another form of all-or-nothing thinking.
How unrealistic expectations damage people
Now, as youll know from the Learning Path, the rates of depression have
risen hugely in modern societies.
This may partly be because of what we all now expect from our lives. We
have greater expectations for instant solutions to all problems.
When questioned, many children say they want to be celebrities when

they grow up, but when asked for what reason, they dont always know!
TV, film, magazines and the influence of those around us bombard us with
images and ideas of what we should have and be and how we should look.
There is a feeling that somehow we are all entitled to the good life.
However, the commercials for beautiful products and lifestyles dont

indicate to young people the work, self discipline, sacrifice and
perseverance that need to go into obtaining the so called finer things of
life. The result can be a feeling that we have been short-changed by life
or that the inclusion of one desired thing in life will cure all ones problems.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Wants versus needs

We all have more, while feeling that we have less. For example, statistics
show that people in the U.S. previously desired 20% more in income.
Since the 1980s most people surveyed express a want up to three times
more than this. And, maybe they feel they should have it, regardless of
effort and perseverance.
This is a little like the illusion that everyone is just having such a
wonderful time on New Years Eve except you!
Examples of unrealistic ideas.

When I meet my perfect partner, my life will be perfect forever!
Once I buy the perfect self-help product then, my life will be perfect
forever, regardless of how much effort I put into the program!
If I could only win the lottery then my life will be perfect!
Absolute thinking /catastrophizing

When people catastrophize, they imagine the very worst possible scenario
and this misuse of their imagination makes them feel bad.
Rather than imagining things that would be slightly inconvenient or a bit

of a drawback they imagine future things being bad to the maximum
extreme.
Catastrophizing also has to do with not relaxing with uncertainty. Its

easier to assume the worst than to feel: Hey I dont know the meaning of
this so Ill just have to wait and see if its meaning becomes clearer.
Examples:
Sheila hasnt called me back! I knew it - she hates me! (catastrophizing)
Sheila hasnt called me back! Maybe she hasnt picked-up her messages
or shes too busy! (Relaxing with uncertainty)
Peter is late coming home from work. He must have been killed in a
crash! (Catastrophizing)
Peter is late coming home from work. I wonder why hes late! (Relaxing
with uncertainty)
I bet I failed that exam! (Catastrophizing)
Ill have to just wait and see how I did in my exam! (Relaxing with
uncertainty)

Session Five
Problem Solving
Well look more at the way the imagination can be misused as we go

through the program.
All of these ways of perceiving and thinking really depend on all-or-

nothing thinking.
So whats wrong with all-or-nothing thinking?
Nothing is wrong with this way of thinking, in context. Certainly, its fine
for newspaper headlines. Seriously, there are times in life when we need
to make snap decisions and be definite and extremely sure of one fixed
viewpoint. However, in the realm of the emotions, all-or-nothing thinking
can cause problems. The more emotionally upset we are the more
either/or we are. This is because all-or-nothing thinking is aligned to the
fight or flight response within the emotional centres of the brain.
Likewise, if we think in all-or-nothing terms we are more likely to feel bad.
So all-or-nothing thinking manifests as:
Utopianism (see above)

Catastrophization (making up bad stuff about the future, the worst
possible scenario then believing your imagination)
Perfectionism characterised by unrealistically high standards for
yourself and others.
Wait a second, wait a second. Just what is wrong with

having high standards may I ask?
Thank you, Depresso, for demonstrating that absolute ideas of wrong

and right can be somewhat rigid!
In answer to your question, there is nothing wrong with having high

standards. In fact, thats great. However, if we expect ourselves to do
everything perfectly, we always get disappointed. We never benefit from
the feel good factor of being pleased with a job well done. Because, lets
face it, everything could be done better. You could sip your tea more
elegantly or walk into a room with more panache!
As we have shown, all-or-nothing thinkers are more likely to become

depressed. This makes learning how to think more flexibly a must if you
want to defeat depression once and for all.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Flexible Thinking Exercise

Purpose: To enable you to spot all or nothing thoughts quickly, before
they get a foothold and to give you practice in forming more flexible
interpretations.
Success Indicators: You will begin to automatically reject all or nothing

thoughts and replace them with more realistic ones. You will notice how
this enables you to think about potentially stressful topics much more
calmly.
Consider the following and write down your thoughts in your progress
book. As well as answering Yes or No, jot down your thoughts on each
statement.
For example: Can an intelligent person still do stupid things

sometimes? Answer: Yes. Everyone makes mistakes. It would be
inhuman not to, and sometimes something that looks stupid at the time,
may not be so stupid later. Besides, who am I to say that someone else is
stupid just because they dont fit with my idea of intelligence?
1. Can an intelligent person still do stupid things sometimes?
2. Can I fail at things, but still gain something from trying?
3. Can I occasionally scream at my kids, but still generally be a good

parent?
4. Can partners have intense rows sometimes, but still love one
another very much?
5. Is there more than one kind of intelligence?
6. Is it possible to be a total failure?
7. Can my child sometimes disobey me and still be a basically good

kid?
8. Can a person let me down and be forgiven?
9. Can I do a bad thing, but still be a good person?
10. Can something that is generally seen as a bad thing to do, on

occasion be the right thing to do?
Once you have completed this, see how it compares to my answers to the
Flexible Thinking Exercise.

Session Five
Problem Solving
Session Five Summary
In this session, youve learned how to think in a non-depressive way.

Weve talked about the importance of balance and non-extremism in
thinking, and how to structure your thinking to avoid creating unnecessary
emotional arousal.
To download Relaxed Review Session Five, click here


Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Session Six
Explanatory Styles
What you tell yourself about your world

During the Learning Path, we looked at explanatory styles basically a
breakdown of how you explain the things that happen to yourself.
You will see how this ties in with the last session on depressive thinking
styles, and how it gives you another powerful tool to get rid of depression
and keep it away.
Maintaining depression
Despite the feeling that depression is something that happens to us, the
fact is that depression has to be maintained. The clever thing about
Depresso is that he makes you continue ways of thinking, feeling and
behavior that can both produce and maintain depression.
These may include self-destructive choices such as abusing food, alcohol,

drugs, cigarettes, lack of exercise etc. These choices may provide comfort
in the short term but the consequences over longer periods of time tend
to promote depression (more on this later).
For now, we are going to focus on explanatory styles. You should be

familiar with these from the Learning Path, but just a quick recap here.
Oh, no! this looks complicated!!
Thats what you rely on, Depresso, people giving up easily. Well, were
well aware of your techniques by now. Get back in your box!
The meaning of things
Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

William Shakespeare
As old Bill so wisely said, until we put our own meanings onto events, they
are just events. It is up to us to add the vital ingredient: explanation.

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Consider the following
A cute little alien is whizzing through space in its cute

little space rocket, happily buzzing along, admiring the beauty of the
stars.
Then, without warning, it drops dead. Nobody knows about it. Nothing is
done. It just happens.
A couple of days later, along comes a bunch of humans in their big human
space rocket
They notice the baby rocket drifting aimlessly through space and so decide
to investigate. They grab the aliens ship in their tractor beam and pull it
aboard.
When they get the ship open, they find the cute little alien dead. Oh,
how sad! What a terrible shame! (And all of a sudden, the event has
meaning! Human beings will tend to do that to a situation!) Such is the
sadness aboard the ship that they decide to have a proper funeral in a
days time.
While the funeral is being prepared, a party explores the alien craft to see
if they can discover anything else about this lovely little creature. And
when searching the ships computer, they discover something truly
terrible.
The alien had been on its way to Earth to deposit a virus that would have
wiped out the entire planet within a month!!!
In the blink of an eye, love among the human crew turns to disgust,
thoughts of cuteness to realizations of deception, interest turns to
repulsion and the aliens body is discarded into outer space along with its
ship.

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
So we have gone from:
No meaning => Meaning (Oh, what a shame!) => Different meaning

(How lucky!)
This just shows how the explanations, or interpretations we make are

unique to us. We all interpret occurrences in different ways, be it a
divorce, marriage, lottery win, promotion at work, whatever.
However, Depresso is less unique than most in the way he explains things
to us. In fact, he is very predictable, indeed.
When agitated and emotional, we dont tend to interpret reality

accurately, which we all know from seeing others upset. The important
thing is to be able to transfer that knowledge to ourselves and to be able
to say: I am not calm right now, so my take on things is likely to be off
the mark.
Back to the calm pool
Just to reiterate, we encourage so much relaxation for two main reasons:
1. Depression is exhausting, so you need to relax to help your body

recover.
2. As we have just seen, when you are calm, you see reality more
accurately.
Remember back to the wise man and his pool of water.
Imagine that pool. If there is a strong wind blowing, the surface of the
water will be choppy and rough. Any reflection from the agitated surface
of the pool will be a ragged, rough and inaccurate reflection of the reality
around the pool. Once the wind has passed, the water becomes calmer
and starts to reflect reality more accurately.
If you feel anxious, you are more likely to interpret neutral things in life as
being threatening or unsafe.
Learn to make relaxation part of your ongoing lifestyle. In addition to

helping the completion of your basic needs, it will improve other areas of
your life greatly.
Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Wait a minute! Im not a pessimist! Im a realist!
Oh, come on, Depresso, you can be more original than that! Pessimists
always think themselves to be realists! How you view reality partly makes
things how they are. How can everything be ruined just because one
thing goes wrong?
Explanatory Styles Explained

Heres a quick recap on explanatory styles before we go any further:
When something happens, you can give it an explanation that is:
1) Internal or External Internal if you were responsible for making it

happen; External if something or someone else caused it
2) Global or Specific Global if it affects a large proportion, or all of
your life; Specific if it is limited to one particular area
3) Stable or Unstable Stable if the effects are going to last forever
(or a long time); Unstable if the situation could change quickly
Depressing explanations
As I said, Depresso is incredibly predictable when it comes to how he

interprets events. See how many of these you recognise:
Internal / External
o Internal for negative events a bad thing happens, you blame it
on yourself
o External for positives a good thing happens, you assign
responsibility for making it happen outside of yourself (just lucky
etc)
Global / Specific
o Global for negatives a bad thing happens, you say everything
is ruined
o Specific for positives a good thing happens, you say I may
have a new job, but the rest of my life is awful
Stable / Unstable
o Stable for negatives a bad thing happens, you assume the
effects are going to last forever (We broke up, Ill never have
another relationship)
o Unstable for positives a good thing happens, you say itll never
last
Lets have a closer look at each of these

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
How to think depressingly

In each of the three sections, I am going to show you Depressos way of
thinking about things. The aim of this is to help you get good at spotting
when he is doing your thinking for you. This will enable you to deliberately
take control over your own thought processes.
Internal vs. external
This means taking more than your fair share of responsibility when things
go wrong (and remember, if you use a perfectionist approach, nothing
seems to work out right which puts you in a pretty tricky position!).
Examples of internal explanations for negatives (or blaming

yourself for bad things)
o That person is upset - I must have upset them in some way!

o Everything is ruined and its my fault!
o Bad things always happen to me!
o The relationship ended and its my entire fault!
o I was made redundant because Im basically a failure!
In the examples above, the self is blamed exclusively. Not surprisingly,

this will make you feel hopeless and depressed! This style is often
characterised by feelings of excessive guilt and low self-esteem.
Examples of external explanations for positives (or blaming

others for good things)
o The party I organised went well because of what other people did!
o I got the job. They must have been desperate to hire anyone.
o The relationship is going well because my partner is so caring!
o It was fortunate that my speech seemed to go well.
o That person seems to be in a good mood. They must be pleased
about something else (rather than enjoying my company).
In these examples, the causes for positive events are seen as having
nothing to do with the self. This causes you to miss golden opportunities
for improving your own opinion of yourself (your self-esteem), and gaining
emotional satisfaction, which we all need!

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Just imagine what would happen to Depresso if he internalised

good things and externalised bad things!
Poof! No more Depresso!
The other side of the coin: The Blamer or victim mentality

Blaming oneself is a common feature of depression. However, sometimes
depression makes people feel that all their misfortunes are caused by
outside factors, or other people. This is depressing because it makes you
feel a lack of influence over your life.
This results in the blamer feeling helpless to change things themselves.

And, as we know, helplessness is one of Depressos favourite tricks! When
you are calmer day-to-day, you tend to see more accurately the extent of
your own and others responsibilities what you can and cant influence.
All or Nothing Thinking for Special Occasions Only!

So, as we know, all-or-nothing thinking is for emergencies, not everyday
life. Therefore, we are not saying you should blame others for everything
that goes wrong, or take total responsibility for everything that goes right.
(That would be all-or-nothing, right?)
Rather, I am saying: Dont overly blame yourself; look to outside factors

also, but be responsible and acknowledge the part you play in events. This
may already be easy for you (although if Depresso is hanging around, I
doubt it), but I have seen too many depressed people who have serious
difficulty appreciating the many subtle influences involved in the things
that happen to them.
You must get good at understanding that you can play a part in something
without it being all your fault. And, you must get better at acknowledging
the unique contributions you make, however small.
And you must start doing it NOW!
If you think I am being over the top, think again. Simply put, I want
Depresso to leave you alone, and this is one way to send him packing.
The important thing is that you do it all the time and refuse to accept
depressing explanations from Depresso.

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Each time you acknowledge that you have contributed to something, you
push Depresso a little further away, and as my granny used to say:
Many a mickle maks a muckle
Or for those of you unfamiliar with Old Scots
Lots of little bits add up to a big bit!
Personally I prefer the first one ;-)
Seriously though, beating depression is not about making a few great big
changes to how you think about yourself, it is about making lots of little
ones that change the overall picture so radically it becomes impossible for
Depresso to creep back in.
Note: If you are not sure whether you blame yourself too much, or
fail to take credit where credit is due, why not ask a friend? Usually,
it is only too apparent to those around you when you do this sort of
thing. Remember, outside evidence is the best way to double-check
your take on things. And, it is rarely anywhere near as painful to
hear as you might imagine. Usually, it is a great relief.
Global vs. specific
Depresso likes to over-generalise negatives. So, if one thing goes wrong,

then everything is ruined! If the food wasnt great on vacation, then the
whole vacation was ruined. Hardly a strategy for feeling good!
Examples of global explanations for negatives (or making bad

things big)
o If I cant go to university, my whole life is ruined!

o Everything goes wrong for me!
o Nobody likes me!
o Why am I useless at everything?
o All my friends lives are perfect.
It is important to realise that because Depresso is working from the

inside, even when he is making such huge over-generalisations for you, it
feels as if your own perception of situations is balanced and accurate.
These sections will help you become aware of these inaccurate thoughts
and question them.

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Examples of specific explanations for positives (or making good

things small)
Minimising the positives is the basis of pessimism
o Yeah, the hotel was ok, but the rest of the vacation was a
disaster!
o My jobs ok at the moment, but the rest of my life stinks!
o The only thing thats good in my life is my marriage!
o Ive only ever been happy once in my life!
o All Ive got in life are my pets!
Just imagine what would happen if Depresso globalized the

positives and specified the negatives in life!
Byeeee!
Stable vs. unstable
Depresso makes you feel that bad things are going to be permanent, but
good things are temporary and unstable. This is really the structure of
hopelessness or how to make it seem that things will never get better.
Examples of stable explanations for negatives (or making bad

things last a long time)
o Ill never find someone I can be happy with!

o Everything goes wrong all the time!
o Nothing has ever gone right for me!
o Ill never feel that way again.
o I always screw everything up!
o Im just a born loser!
o Thats just the type of person I am!
So, as we can see, these negative explanations are fixed. The inference is
that they are stable (permanent) and therefore unchangeable. However,
as well see next, Depresso does the complete opposite with positives -
making them unstable.

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Examples of unstable explanations for positives (or making good

things last a short time)
o Yeah my relationship is wonderful but what worries me is that its

just too good to last
o Im just waiting for something to go wrong!
o Yes things are better at the moment!
o They seem to like me at work but when they discover that Im not
as good as they thought Ill probably lose their respect... Its just a
question of time!
o Im just waiting for the next disaster!
Just imagine if Depresso explained negative things as temporary

and changeable and positive things as stable and fixed!
You know whats coming next
Poof! Hes gone!
Hey! What are you trying to do to me?
I thought that would be clear by now, no?
So, that is the end of our section on explanatory styles. It may seem a
little complicated at first, but with a couple of readings, it quickly becomes
clear, and it is a terrific tool in doing away with depression.
This sessions Relaxed Review will help embed this important

knowledge further.
Choosing between a negative and positive bias

In order for Depresso to work his little tricks reality has to be bent in
very specific ways to fit in with Depressos miserable views on life. This
means that good things have to be bent out of shape to fit with Depresso.
This we call negative reframing and here is a list of examples:

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Warning: If you feel depressed just now, you may find yourself inwardly
agreeing with Depressos re-frames. If you do, have a laugh at him!
Fact Ive just passed my driving test!
Depresso: Now youll have to pay road tax!
Fact: My son is so confident!
Depresso: Yes cocky little so-and-so isnt he!
Fact: Ive won the lottery!
Depresso: Oh now youll never know who your real friends are!
Fact: Im good at sports!
Depresso: Yes all muscle no brains!
Fact: Ive just retired!
Depresso: Mmm waiting to die!
Fact: Im going on vacation/holiday!
Depresso: Yes theres been a spate of burglaries lately!
Fact: I feel happier!
Depresso: Youre in denial!
Fact: You look nice!
Depresso: What do you want?
Fact: Ive found peace at last!
Depresso: Ah youre going senile!
Fact: Im getting married!
Depresso: Am I invited to the divorce?
As we have seen, if you use a negative bias (pessimism) you will tend to
see the bad things in life as your fault, as affecting a lot of your life and as
unchangeable.
If you use a positive bias (optimism) you are more likely to see negatives
as due to outside factors (although taking fair responsibility), as localised
and as time limited.
Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Is one way any more accurate than the other?
Well, people using a negative bias tend to:
o Feel powerless where they in fact do have power

o Underestimate and undervalue positive occurrences
o Over-blame themselves when things go wrong
o Feel that things are too good to last, but bad enough to continue
forever!
This is clearly not a balanced view of reality.
People using a positive bias tend to:
o See negative events as setbacks rather than disasters

o Blame them partly on outside factors
o Focus on the unaffected areas of their life
o Feel that things will get better soon!
Again, it could be argued that this is not a balanced view of reality.
BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT!
Sorry to shout, but this is so important.
A positive bias is better than a negative one for one reason: it works
better for life!
Lets put that in a note box so its not ignorable:
Note: A positive bias is better than a negative one for one reason:
it works better for life!
And heres why
You get what you focus on
What do we mean when we say someone is happy? Well, one way of

defining it would be to say that they deal with whatever life throws at
them without becoming despondent or depressed.
Due to the way they explain things to themselves, optimists tend to keep
going and refuse to give up, instead developing more friendships and so
gathering more sources of help and support. They also are more likely to
make use of the opportunities that come their way!
Which means that their optimistic view of life is often further backed by
their experience.

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
Pessimists tend to give up sooner. They also blame circumstances that

they feel are unchangeable (such as their genes, family, job, etc.), as well
as blaming themselves. They may also ignore opportunities or see them
as threats.
Which means that their pessimistic view of life is often backed-up by their
experience!
Oh no Ive been invited to the ball, but Ill probably get

really nervous and make a fool of myself and no one will
dance with me.
Exactly!
The effect on negative rumination
The more you explain things negatively, the worse you feel. The worse
you feel, the more pessimistic your explanatory style tends to be and the
more you worry.
And, as you know, the more you worry, the more you dream at night and
the more depressed you feel. This is why optimism is not only good for
your work and social life, but also great for your physical health!
Optimism can be learned
I dont believe that. You are either born an optimist or you

are not. Its as simple as that!!
Woah, Depress! Wait a second! That is one massive assumption.

Fortunately, there has been much research in this area, so we dont have
to listen to your opinions. Instead, lets look at where explanatory style
comes from.
The origins of pessimism
According to research conducted by eminent psychologist Martin

Seligman, around 25% of pessimism may be genetically inherited from
parents. But, even this genetic pessimism can be altered through the right
training!

Session Six
Explanatory Styles
The rest is learned from parents, teachers and other adults, or from
experiences in which you felt hopeless and then globalized this learning to
other situations.
This goes for optimism, as well. An optimistic child may have a small
genetic advantage, but will also have learned positive explanatory styles
from adults, their lives, and from situations they felt they mastered.
If you hear people around you when you are growing up using a certain
explanatory style, you are likely to learn it and do it yourself. And, what
can be learned can also be unlearned!
Oh, I cant take all this in. Its too complicated. I might as
well give up.
Youre right that Im asking for a little concentration here, Depresso, but
youd just love it if we gave up right now, wouldnt you? I mean, who
knows what depression-busting ideas lie just around the corner?
Certainly, depression is exhausting and it has been a longish session. You

can relax now to a download designed to promote flexible viewpoints of
reality and to help you embed your knowledge about explanatory styles.
Session Six Summary
In this session, we talked about explanatory styles:

o Internal / External (my fault / not my fault)
o Global / Specific (all of life / just this bit)
o Stable / Unstable (just for now / forever)
We looked at how these styles combine to create optimism or pessimism

and why optimism is simply more useful and effective for life.
To download Relaxed Review Session Six, click here


Session Seven
Flexible Thinking
Session Seven
Flexible Thinking
Generating other possible explanations

Now, the last section on explanatory styles took a bit of explaining! The
most important thing, as with all of this Program, is that you actually
know what to do with what you have read.
So, this session is dedicated to making that knowledge more hands-on

giving you things to do so you can tackle Depresso when he starts
explaining the world to you in a depressing way
As we saw with our not-so-friendly alien, when something happens, it

doesnt have meaning until we give it meaning. The meaning we give it is
what determines how we feel about the event.
People who get depressed, angry and anxious often have two
things in common:
1st thing
They assume that their interpretation is correct before collecting enough
evidence.
2nd thing
They dont relax with not knowing. (Or, in other words, they jump to
conclusions.)
Heres how it usually goes:

1) Something happens, the meaning of which is unclear (perhaps
someone is offhand with you on the phone)
2) You explain to yourself the reason for that (they dont like me)
3) You assume you are right
4) You react emotionally (I am not likeable anxiety / how dare they?
- anger)
At this point, the most valuable skill is to be able to relax with this
meaning vacuum. That is, not to feel you have to know right now why
the person was offhand.
When you dont know the meaning of something, you can only guess the
meaning, or wait until more evidence emerges. And, basing an emotional
reaction on a guess is a dangerous thing to do!
Anxious or depressed people often assume negatives on the basis of too

little evidence.
Session Seven
Flexible Thinking
Alternative Explanations Exercise

Purpose: A huge part of getting out of depression is lowering your
general emotional arousal levels. This exercise will help you practice
generating multiple explanations for events, which when applied will stop
all or nothing interpretations making you anxious or angry.
Success Indicators: You will notice that you no longer accept Depressos
extremist views without question. You will be able to say Wait a minute,
thats not necessarily true and go on to generate multiple possible
explanations for events. The result of this will be that you are calmer
more of the time.
Look at the following scenarios. The characters jump to negative

conclusions based on too little evidence. In your progress notebook, write
alternative explanations for each either neutral or positive ones.
Example
Twelve-year-old James phoned his friend Mike and left a message asking
him if he wanted to go and hang out at the skate park. Its been three
hours and Mike hasnt phoned back.
James assumes: Oh I knew it. Mike hasnt phoned me back. I bet he

doesnt really like me! Maybe I upset him or maybe hes just mad at me!
Why am I so unpopular?
Alternative non-depressive explanations
Maybe Mike is out and hasnt picked up his messages yet
Maybe Mikes message machine isnt working probably
Maybe Mike is in, but just hasnt picked up his messages
Maybe Mike did try to phone back when I was on the phone to
granddad
Session Seven
Flexible Thinking
Maybe Mike just doesnt feel like going out with anyone today
Maybe I could just wait and see if any evidence emerges to suggest
that Mike doesnt like me and relax until then
Now you do it!
Scenario One
Sue thought she was doing fine at work, but her boss Joan has just told
her that she wants to see Sue in her office on Monday morning. No reason
was given.
Sue assumes:
Oh my God! I knew things were going too well! Maybe Joan doesnt like
my work! What if shes going to give me a warning! Maybe she even
wants to fire me for something! Im going to have an awful weekend
now!
Write between three and six alternative non-depressive explanations into

your progress book and how Sue could have coped with it.
Scenario two
Fifteen-year-old Kay has just heard from another friend that her best
friend Judy is throwing a party. Kay hasnt received an invite:
Kay assumes:
I cant believe Judy hasnt invited me! I thought she was my best friend.
She cant like me any more! Maybe it was what I said to her about Mary,
or maybe she thinks Im arrogant or something!
Write between three and six alternative non-depressive explanations for

why Kay may not have received an invitation, and what she could have
done to sort the situation out.
Scenario three
James walks into the school canteen and sees his friends Rick and John
whispering and gigging as he enters. He feels they are laughing at him.
They ask him to join them, but he refuses. At break time, they again ask
him to join them. James refuses again and spends the time alone feeling
miserable.
Session Seven
Flexible Thinking
James assumes:
Rick and John dont like me. They are making fun of me! No one ever
likes me!
Write between three and six alternative non-depressive explanations for

the situation into your progress book and what James could have done
differently.
Scenario four
Nineteen-year-old Kathy likes Dave at college. She gets the chance to

speak to him, but he doesnt say much to her and looks awkward.
Kathy assumes:
Why dont guys ever like me? He probably prefers Cindy to me, anyway.
He couldnt even be bothered to say much to me and was obviously
embarrassed because he knows I like him. He hates how short I am; I
know it. Ill never find anyone to go out with!
Write between three and six alternative non-depressive explanations into

your progress book.
Scenario five
45 year-old Geoff is off work with a broken leg, just when redundancies
are being announced at his firm. Geoff thinks, Im definitely going to lose
my job because Im not there to defend myself and theyll just forget
about me here.
Write down other ways of looking at this that would be more hopeful (and
more accurate!)
Scenario Six
Linda, a 32 year-old first time mum-to-be is exhausted during the first 3
months of her pregnancy. She thinks If I am exhausted now, Ill never
cope when the baby comes!
Write down other ways of looking at this, or relevant information that will
help Linda feel better.
Searching for evidence

Now, I imagine that you spotted the negative over-generalisations, the
internal and permanent negative thinking styles in these scenarios.
Of course, all the assumptions above could be true. Almost anything could
be true. But, even if Dave didnt like Kathy, that doesnt mean that no one
ever will.
Session Seven
Flexible Thinking
The characters in the above scenarios have one thing in common. They
reach for just one interpretation of events, and not only that, but they
reach for the very worst possible explanation! They cast themselves in the
worst possible light and then assume it must be true.
Because this causes an emotional reaction, it is then much more difficult

to find other possible reasons, even if they tried to think of some (which
they probably wouldnt!). Here are my thoughts on the Alternative
Explanations Exercise.
About collecting evidence

You cannot conclude the meaning of something until you collect more
evidence. If someone doesnt say hello to you one morning, you dont
necessarily know why. Maybe they are deep in thought, maybe they are
worried about something, and maybe they didnt see you. Who knows?
The people in these scenarios are too sure of themselves. I want you to
really start getting flexible with your guesses about the meaning of things.
I also want you to think about what it means to relax with uncertainty.
What things about yourself and your life do you assume? Could you
possibly be wrong either partially or totally? What other possible causes
and reasons for things could there be? Remember, were not talking about
definites here, just possibilities, because until you have external evidence,
your explanations can be nothing but possibilities.
Relaxing with uncertainty
Of course, none of us know exactly how things are going to turn out.
Although we can do our best to influence a positive outcome, there comes
a time when all we can do is relax and wait, be cool with not knowing and
avoid jumping to premature and inaccurate conclusions.
True story public speaking nightmare!
I once had to travel to the north east of England to present a seminar on

self-esteem. By 9:45 a.m., there were well over a hundred delegates, all
health professionals, seated and waiting for me to begin. Thats when
things started to go wrong.
The seminar was to last around six hours. To my mounting concern, I

realised we were having technical problems. The technician couldnt get
my microphone to work. My slide presentation wasnt working, either!
Yikes! I depended on my slide presentation for the whole speech!
The audience started off looking expectant, then bored and finally agitated
as we struggled to solve our technical problems. I didnt know how things
were going to work out, but I decided to relax. I couldnt control the
technical problems (I am your classic techno-phobe!), but I could control
my reaction to the situation.
Session Seven
Flexible Thinking
I figured that if I relaxed and showed the audience that I am relaxed,

maybe they, too, would relax. I explained about the problems, (without a
microphone!), and said that I didnt know when theyd be fixed, but
whatever happened wed all have a good day if they could bear with me a
little longer.
At that point, I didnt know what was going to happen.
Everything was uncertain and I couldnt control it, so I focused on what I

could influence my emotional state and the audience.
As it happened, the technician did eventually fix the sound and the
technical aspects of my presentation and I was able to continue as
normal. Had I assumed that I was headed for disaster, things surely
would have been much worse.
Idea: If things are going wrong and you have to assume

something, why not assume things will be ok?
Session Seven Summary
In this session we:
o Explored your explanatory styles further

o Talked about the danger of jumping to conclusions
o Practised generating more helpful explanations
o Looked at relaxing with uncertainty
Now, take a little time to relax and absorb what you have just read. Your
Relaxed Review will help you integrate this new information and
implement it into your everyday life.
To download Relaxed Review Session Seven, click here

Session Eight
Catastrophizing
Session Eight
Catastrophizing
Misuse of the imagination
Misuse 1: Catastrophizing - imagining the worst and scaring

yourself silly
If Depresso has a best friend, it is catastrophizing. Catastrophizing, or

imagining the worst, will enable Depresso to turn the most insignificant
difficulty into a toweringly serious problem.
Making stuff up then believing it
Catastrophizing can be described as imagining the worst outcome, then

believing it! This sort of worrying makes life harder than it needs to be.
Our imaginations are what make us unique; it is such a shame to use
them only to create waking nightmares!
When it is good to worry
Some worrying can be a good thing, of course. Worrying is a skill that

allows you to think about what might go wrong so you can do something
to stop that happening. Worrying is a useful tool as long as it is within
your control and leads to appropriate action.
For example, if someone you have never met before tells you they would
like you to invest all your savings in their sure-fire business proposal, that
would be a good, or appropriate time, to worry. If your friend has been
drinking alcohol and then insists on driving a car, this presents you with
an appropriate time to imagine the possible negative consequences and to
act accordingly.
Misuse 2: Wotifing
People who worry too much use the Wotif technique.
You know the sort of thing What if I cant afford to pay this bill, What
if I cant find my way to the interview room and I arrive late?, What if
the Earth is taken over by aliens?
The fact is you can Wotif anything!
o What if I go out to post this letter and am hit by a car?

o What if I stay home and my house is struck by lightening?
o What if I go to college and nobody wants to be my friend?
o What if I never leave home and become an old maid?
Session Eight
Catastrophizing
o What if I travel and get sick?

o What if I start a business and it goes bust, and I am left owing
money?
o What if I lose my job?
o What if my husband/wife/partner leaves me one day?
o What if I never get a job?
o What if I never meet someone to have a relationship with?
Say So what? to Wotif?
Its time to do something about Catastrophizing and Wotifing

deprive Depresso of his allies and he will go away
Anti-Catastrophizing Exercise
Purpose: One of the ways Depresso keeps you hostage is by scaring you
with imagined outcomes of imagined scenarios. You can take the wind out
of his sails by looking seriously at these outcomes and planning for them,
rather than trying to ignore them and so feeling more anxious.
Success Indicators: You will begin to feel more in control of your own
thoughts and imagination. You will be able to refuse to use your
imagination to scare yourself and will be more realistic about the likely
outcome of events and their true impact.
Ok, now grab your pen or pencil, and prepare to write in your progress
notebook.
The main reason that Wotifing can continue is that you never follow it
through properly. Most people simply have the initial Wotif thought then
imagine how bad it would feel, over and over again.
The way out of this is, strangely enough, to take your Wotifs seriously
enough to spend some time problem-solving them.
So, what we are going to do is write out contingency plans for the above
Wotifs. It doesnt matter how fanciful or unlikely they are.
Session Eight
Catastrophizing
For each of the above scenarios, write down what you (or anyone else)
could do if the above wotifs came true. The plan should be constructive.
Write a couple of sentences for each one.
Whats the point in this?
Well I could ask you the same question, Depresso. Whats the point in
worrying all the time without acting on those worries? The effects of an
exercise like this are many, but as with most things in life, you wont
really know until you have done it. You, of course, are the world expert in
knowing what things are going to be like and so stopping people from
doing them.
Yeah, right; youre just saying that because you dont know
what the benefits of the exercise are.
HmmWell, heres three good reasons (seeing as youre being so

obtuse)
When you solve a worry, it is like plotting a chart; the next time that
worry comes up, you have the path to its solution ready so it no longer
has any power over you
The more someone practises resolving their worries, the quicker and more
effective they get at doing so, until they can quickly resolve the problems
you throw at them without getting anxious, so reducing your hold over
them
Doing this repeatedly can actually make worrying boring so it occurs less
and less
There, I bet you wish you hadnt asked.
OK, onto your notebook. Ill see you back here in a few minutes.
Session Eight
Catastrophizing
What to do with your wotifs
1) Grade how likely you think the wotif is

So, if you think it is definitely going to happen, you would score it a
10/10. If, on reflection, you feel it is extremely unlikely, then you would
score 1/10.
2) Write your contingency plan
Example: Peter spends half the night worrying about the possibility of
losing his job.
This goes along the lines of: Oh, no. What if my company make job cuts
and I am made redundant? Or: I saw the news tonight and the report said
there was going to be a downturn in the economy. I might lose my house
and my kids would have to go to school some place else and my wife
might not love me any more because I cant provide for the family.
At this point, Peter remembers his Depression Program material. He gets

up, opens his progress book and thinks: Actually it may be pretty unlikely
that Ill lose my job just yet. The company I work for supplies essential
material for hospitals and although there could be job cuts eventually, I
dont think my job would be the first to go.
So, Peter writes:
3/10 for the likelihood of his wotif coming true
Then he writes under contingency plan:
Well, if I do lose my job, I should get some redundancy money which will
enable us to pay the mortgage for a few months. During that time, I can
look for more work. The kids are old enough now for my wife, Mary, to go
back to working in the school and I would take any work while I found
something suitable. I can also retrain as Im thinking of doing that anyway
and will make enquiries next week about taking a part-time software
programming course. Whatever happens, Ill handle it.
These simple steps turn Peters nightmare into a problem that is unlikely
to occur, and one that he knows he could handle if it did. If it had
remained at the wotif stage, it would be retained its ability to make him
anxious, spoiling his sleep and giving Depresso a helping hand.
Session Eight
Catastrophizing
Misuse 3: Yeah-but Syndrome
Another favourite of Depressos is Yeah-but syndrome.
Dr. Yeah-but discovered yeah-but syndrome a long time

ago. He observed that some people make a habit of immediately seeing
the downside. He noticed that however positive something was, they
would go looking for what could go wrong.
People suffering from yeah-but syndrome tended to pour cold water on

other peoples ideas and enthusiasm, any well-meaning suggestions being
greeted with the words yeah but
Yeah but whats wrong with doing that?
The problem is that everything has a possible downside if you look hard
enough. Yeah-butting steals opportunities from you and blocks projects
that could have succeeded if just a little more optimism had been
employed. Thats why you like it, isnt it Depresso?
Many human achievements had doubters that yeah-butted it to begin

with.
The Beatles, possibly the most successful pop band ever, were told at the
start of their careers that the public just isnt interested in guitar music
any more!.
In the mid 1960s, many scientists were still saying that a moon landing
was impossible. Sean Connery was told to forget acting, be realistic and
continue working as a milk man! Yeah-butting has its place, but it aint a
large one.
Session Eight
Catastrophizing
Professor Atleast
Meanwhile, other parallel research continued and

Professor Atleast discovered that resilient people see the opportunities in
most things.
Examples of Atleasts I have heard:
Im ill but at least I can still communicate with my family!
My life is so tough at the moment, but at least Ill appreciate it when

things get better!
My daughter is so stubborn sometimes, but at least she knows her own

mind!
I failed my driving test again, but at least Im going to be a thorough

driver when I do pass!
I screamed at my kids, but at least they know Im human!
I may not be the brightest academically, but at least Ive got a sense of
humor and I care about people!
I lost my job, but at least now Ive got some time to consider what I
really want to do with my life!
Its a happier and more productive habit to start looking for the
possibilities in things, not just the possible pitfalls.
Session Eight
Catastrophizing
At-Leasting Exercise
Purpose: This will add to your ability to be flexible in your thought
patterns and so gain control over Depressos theres only one answer to
anything approach.
Success Indicators: Unpleasant events will get you down less. You will
bounce back quicker and even be able to help others minimize the impact
on themselves. You will begin to see that true catastrophies rarely
happen.
In your notebook, write down 3 things in your life that really get you down
or have served to get you down in the past.
Now, next to each situation, write the words at least, then use your
creativity to find some light in each situation. I dont mind how absurd or
ridiculous your atleasting is at this point. What we are looking for is
creative optimism. Do this now. There is an atleast to literally everything
so start doing it! If you get stuck, look back at the list above.
Once you have done that, enjoy listening to your Relaxed Review here:
To download Relaxed Review Session Eight, click here

Session Eight Summary
In session 8, we have looked at
o How the misuse of the imagination contributes to anxiety and

therefore to depression
o How always looking for the negatives is depressing and what you
can do instead
o How to challenge Depressos assumptions
Session Nine
Relationships
Session Nine
Relationships
Depression and relationships

As we have seen, depression tends to stop you from doing the very things
that you need to stay healthy and happy. One such example is socialising,
which is essential to emotional wellbeing.
Depression, however, tends to make us feel like being alone, or only with
people who we know well, and the thought of being with friends, or even
family, can be difficult.
However, as depression lifts through the other changes you will be making
during the Program, it is important to start re-establishing any social ties
that have been neglected. Making that phone call even if you dont feel
like it can have knock-on effects that will continue to improve the way you
feel.
In addition, it is a good idea to revisit the anxiety section often. Social

confidence tends to improve as depression lifts, because higher serotonin
levels equate with social calm and confidence. The relaxed Review in this
session will also help you feel more confident around people if you are
having difficulty with that.
Difficult relationships
Depressed people commonly report difficulties with their relationships.

They may feel used by other people, insecure and vulnerable in
relationships or get angry and upset at how they are treated.
In the last session, we were looking at how the imagination can

sometimes trip us up by catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions.
We have talked before about how uncertainty makes us want to instantly

assign meaning to events, and why tolerating uncertainty is so important.
Relationships are uncertain
Relationships are among the most uncertain of lifes experiences, and the
most important, so it is hardly surprising that they can cause so many
problems, especially when Depresso is doing our thinking for us.
Session Nine
Relationships
Without clear communication, it is impossible to guess what another is

thinking, or what they think of us, but anxiety and depression get in the
way of clear communication, leaving the way clear for the imagination to
run riot.
What did that glance mean?, Why hasnt she called?, What does he
think of me?, What if he leaves me? and on and on.
In this session, we will look at jealousy, feeling let down by others and
assertion and communication within relationships. We are going to look at
what to do when your imagination interferes and spoils your relationships
and how to communicate assertively, fairly and clearly. Well also look at
repeating patterns in relationships such as relationship choices and low
self-esteem.
Healthy relationships
A healthy relationship is always based on reciprocation, or in other words,

give and take. So, for example, your manger at work may be above you in
the hierarchy, but for it to be a healthy working relationship, it needs to
be reciprocal. Your manager helps you and you help your manager.
Unhealthy relationships are often based on status. This is characterised by

one person taking much more than they give.
Jealousy
People who become jealous may start treating a partner as a possession

literally as if they owned them, rather than their being a person in their
own right.
People always do this to me. Everybody lets me down in the

end. I must have victim tattooed onto my forehead. I only
have relationships with people I dont like that much. Im
always abandoned in the end!
Yes, thank you, Depresso. Those are typical depressive perceptions

around relationships. Well be looking at how you, Depresso, influence and
disrupt relationships, as well as a few tips and techniques in dealing with
other peoples difficult behavior.
Mind reading and feeling let down by others
You must have heard people saying things like the following
If he really loved me, I wouldnt have to tell him!
People shouldnt treat other people like that!
I know what he is thinking: He hates me now because he thinks
Session Nine
Relationships
Lets have a look at each, in turn. First, people do have to be told. Not
knowing how you want them to behave is not their fault unless you have
communicated your desires to them clearly.
The next one depends on the situation, but of course, different people
have different standards, and it is easy to assume the worst. It is always
worth checking (remember external evidence?) whether the impact of
someones actions is what they intended.
And third, you may be a mystic sage but you dont always know that
someone is thinking unkindly or badly of you. If you really can mind-read
great! Perhaps you should consider going on TV or a national tour!
Realistically, why not just think about what you may be doing with your
assumptions and again, get external evidence.
Perfectionism leads to resentment
As you know by now, depressed people are more likely to have

perfectionist attitudes and to think in all-or-nothing terms. A perfectionist
attitude will tend to give you strict and rigid rules as to how the world
should operate.
Then you may assume that everybody should

a) Know what your rules for behavior are
b) Follow your rules
But, of course, people express love, gratitude, respect and so on in

different ways. Broadly speaking, we can have certain expectations of
others standards of behavior, but if its too precise, we are going to feel
disappointed and let down time and time again.
People need to be told what you expect, how you feel, what you like/dont
like and what you deem reasonable or unreasonable. Otherwise your
resentment, anger and anxiety will increase as your relationships develop.
Being clear in relationships
When you sit down and think about it, it seems obvious that other people
need to be told what you expect. So, why is it that so many of us allow
resentment to seethe without conveying the problem to the other party?
People have to have the chance to communicate their point of view, and
that can only happen when we let them know how we see things.
If you dont let others know what you require and what you feel is right,
you end up feeling like a victim. Assertion gives you a sense of control or
influence within a relationship (see the session on the basic needs).
Session Nine
Relationships
Teaching Tale
Once upon a time, a man decided to ask his neighbour if he could borrow
his shovel to dig his garden. On the way to his neighbours house he got
to thinking:
What if my neighbour is a mean man? Ill be so embarrassed if he says I

cant borrow it! Then hell tell all our other neighbours that I am too poor
to afford my own shovel! Ive got my pride!
He knocked on his neighbours door and a kindly looking man appeared:

Hello. How may I help you? he asked. His imaginative neighbour replied
What makes you think I need your help? And you can keep your stupid
shovel!
Giving people a chance
If a friend forgets to call, says something thoughtless or occasionally looks

a little bored when you are speaking, does this mean they are useless?
Does it mean they hate you? Does it mean you are not important to
them?
No! What do these things mean? Well who knows? They dont necessarily
mean anything much, and without checking you cannot know what they
mean. But people still say things like: Ah, I knew it! He doesnt really
love me! And they think things like If he did he would do x, y and z
because he should see thing exactly the same way as I do!
True story: Emotional bank accounts

Sally came to see me for help with her relationships. She was a very nice
woman. Some people said she was too nice!
I asked her in what situation she would say no to someone and be firm
with them. She replied that she couldnt think of a situation in which she
could make a stand firm. She would never set limits on demands and
expectations placed upon her by others.
She told me of a time when a man (whom she hadnt even known that
well) had made her buy a car she didnt want and then used it himself
most of the time. She hadnt been able to set limits on his behavior. She
had just hoped he would do the right thing without her having to say.
I talked to her about real relationships based on reciprocation, not status

and power. Then I gave her the model of emotional bank accounts to use:
Session Nine
Relationships
The bank account
You have a relationship with your bank. You give to your bank and your
bank gives to you. If you just take from your bank and never make a
deposit eventually your bank will close your account.
Now, generosity is the most wonderful thing and we certainly should be

able to help others without expecting favours in return. But, if someone
takes from you all the time without putting anything back into the
relationship then, actually, there is no proper relationship. How long
before you close their account?
Consider this...
Imagine that you are in your works canteen at lunchtime. A colleague

joins you as you stand in line for your food. He pleasantly turns to you
and tells you hes forgotten his wallet, asking whether you can stand them
lunch.
You agree to pay for their lunch. Fine! After all, everyone forgets things
sometimes. The next day they again tell youve theyve forgotten to bring
money and you again pay for their lunch. This happens the next day and
the next day. Now, think at what day would you set limits for this person?
Limit-Setting Exercise
Purpose: In case this is a problem for you, a safe introduction to the
idea of setting limits.
Success Indicators: You will know why it is important to set limits, the
sort of situations that require it, and how to go about it.
In your progress book, write down on what day you would set a limit for
this person. Remember, your bank will eventually let you know if you just
take and dont deposit. So, if you would say something on the third day
simply write 3, if its the fourth day write 4, etc.
Then, just write how you would set your limits. What would you say to
this person and how? Write it out as if you were actually saying it.
Session Nine
Relationships
After youve done that, look back at it and see how it reads. Does it come
across as angry or threatening? Or does it simply state your position
clearly and calmly. If youre not happy with how it comes across, review it
in the light of the next section.
How to be assertive
Being straight with people can help lift depression. This is because it can
create a resolution to a situation, one that you then dont need to worry
about, therefore lowering your anxiety levels.
Yeah, but its easier just to give in to people and say yes.
Is it really easier Depresso? Is it easier if the person doesnt know where

they stand and you end up building up resentment? Is it easier when the
relationship founders eventually anyway because the other person doesnt
know where they stand with you? Is it easier to suffer all the anxiety and
worry because of it? You love people to think its easier to avoid saying
something because in fact, the long-term effects are much, much harder
to deal with.
Now, we are going to look at how to set limits, while being fair on the
other person
Five steps to straight talking
Step One: Describe the situation that is bothering you. Dont talk
emotions at this point, just facts:
Example: (Sue to her friend Jenny) I want to talk about you shouting at
my son. There you go - just the facts - no emotion.
Step Two: Describe what you see as the disadvantages of the situation.
This can be reasonably non-emotional, although if appropriate, you can
say how this makes you feel.
Example: Sue: When you do this, it kind of undermines me a bit and also
confuses Tommy. When you tell him off he gets confused, as its really my
job to correct him. Also it makes me feel cross.
Step three: Describe what you would like to have happen instead (again
not assuming they are psychic and should know or shouldnt have to be
told! Again, stick to just the facts.
Session Nine
Relationships
Example: Sue: Id prefer it, Jenny, if in future you can just let me tell my
own child off. I think Im pretty good at spotting when hes out of line and
if you arent happy with something he has done, just let me know.
Step four: Describe the benefits of your proposal.
Example: Sue: If we can agree to leave the reprimanding of my child to

me in future, then Ill feel a lot happier, hell be less confused and we will
have sorted something out that was really bothering me!
Step five: Seek confirmation. Ask the person if they can agree to your
proposal. If they do, then renege on it later, you can gently remind them
of their agreement.
Points to remember
Steps:
One: State the facts about what is bothering you

Two: Describe the disadvantages of the behavior of the other person
Three: Describe how you would like things to be
Four: Describe how the changes will be better
Five: Seek agreement
Of course, some people will not be reasonable even when you have
communicated clearly in this way, but at least youve told them fairly,
maturely and reasonably.
Above all, you need to make it non-personal and non-critical. You are not
attacking someones core personality, just commenting on a part of their
behavior and describing its impact on you. People may not particularly like
to hear it, but most people will respond reasonably because youve given
them a chance to.
The five steps assertiveness technique needs to be done calmly, keeping

emotions out of it as much as possible. If you just explode at people,
whether you are right or wrong, they will just become defensive and you
will damage the relationship.
So rather than: You always do this to me! You make my blood boil, Im
furious.etc., start with the facts and use I statements because they are
non-threatening. I think that, or I feel this is less threatening than
You never do this, or You always do that! and so is less likely to make
people defensive.
Are you a people pleaser?
You may want everybody to be happy as much as possible but you

yourself are a person. And, when you are happier and not overly put upon
by others, then youll be better placed to help others to be happier.
Session Nine
Relationships
Training yourself for assertiveness
Its all very well knowing what you should say when wanting to be firm,
but you also need to feel right when you do it, which means staying cool
and calm. This Relaxed Review will help you to feel naturally calmer in
these situations.
Maybe you are already quite happy being assertive, but if not, then you
can practice in your mind (training your instincts) right now:
To download Relaxed Review Session Nine, click here

Session Nine Summary
In Session Nine, we looked at:

o Healthy relationships
o Emotional bank accounts
o The dangers of mind-reading
o Assertive communication
Session Ten
Communication
Session Ten
Communication
Communication within relationships

Because relationships are so important in beating depression, we are
going to do a little more work on communication styles in this session.
Being clear and assertive really helps make life smoother. Insecurity,
resentments, guilt and anger can all manifest when we are not clear about
our own needs and the needs of those around us.
How to say No
It is easy to forget that the word no is a complete statement in itself.
You dont need to keep justifying yourself for refusing. The sort of people
who take advantage of you will tend to be persistent. (In fact, salesmen
tend to assume the word No means Not yet!)
Typically, you will give a reason for why you cant do something. Theyll
then give you a reason why your objection doesnt count. Youll come back
with another reason to which theyll also counter with logic, then youll
come up with another reason and theyll counter this until eventually youll
run out of reasons and reluctantly agree.
This is not the way to do it!

Example
Sheila: June, can you baby sit for me again tonight while I go out?
June: (Thinking: Oh no this will be the third time this week! Ive got to
have my own life!) Ah, well, I cant tonight. Ive got to ring my mother
shes been upset recently!
Sheila: Hey, no problem. You can ring her from my house - the calls are
cheap rate.
June: Well, I really do have to catch up on some work tonight.
Sheila: Bring your laptop round. Suzie will be in bed by 8.30 and you can
work at my house!
June: Well, Im really very tired!
Sheila: Thats fine. You can snooze at my place. Suzie will wake you if
she needs anything.
June: My car has been playing up and may break down if I use it!
Sheila: No problem; again, Ill come and pick you up and drive you home
again afterwards.
June: Oh... alright then what time do you want me over tonight?
June ends up feeling manipulated, used and very resentful
Session Ten
Communication
Heres what happens when she states her case and repeats it until clear.
She uses I statements and repeats like a broken record until Sheila gets
the message:
Sheila: June, can you baby sit for me again tonight while I go out?
June: Oh, not tonight, June, I want to have an evening in by myself.
Sheila: You can work at my house if you like!
June: I know Sheila, but Ive just decided that Im going to have the
evening in by myself tonight. (Repetition).
Sheila: You can have a rest even a little snooze if you feel tired. Suzie
wont mind.
June: I appreciate that, Sheila, but Ive decided I want to have an
evening in by myself tonight.
Sheila: I can pick you up and take you home again after.
June: That would be fine some other night (good will gesture) but
(sticking to guns) tonight, as Ive said, I really want to have time to
myself at home.
Sheila: Fair enough. Do you think Sally will do it if I give her a call?
Notice how June stuck to her guns? Whatever Sheila said, June just came
back to the same original point. She didnt search for new reasons until
she had no where left to hide. She didnt apologise, or say that shed
never baby sit. Good, clear assertive feedback. In the future, Sheila will
come to see June as someone who knows her own mind and will probably
trust her more as a friend. On the other hand, if she was just using her,
she will move on to easier targets, creating a true win-win situation for
June either way.
Relationship choices
As far as personal relationships are concerned, its certainly true that
sometimes the people to whom we are most attracted arent always the
ones who will bring us long-term happiness. Sugary food tastes nice in the
short term, but can harm us in the long-term.
Relationships and self-esteem
If you have had problems with self-esteem, then you may have fallen into
the habit of selecting partners who dont treat you that well. You may feel
mistrustful or not right with people who are nice, supportive and kind to
you.
The reason for this is simple: we tend to feel more comfortable with what
we know. If you have been heavily criticised, under-valued or worse while
growing up, you may have been conditioned to seek out relationships with
people who fit this pattern.
Session Ten
Communication
Good Qualities Exercise
Purpose: Part of building satisfying relationships is knowing what you

bring to the table and being confident about your own unique qualities.
This will also help you challenge such nonsense from Depresso as Youre
completely useless.
Success Indicators: You will stop accepting all or nothing statements

from Depresso like the one above, and you will be able to think about
yourself in terms of your qualities. This doesnt mean thinking you are
fantastic (that would be all or nothing ;-), it just means accepting there
are things you can do, and certain qualities you possess.
We want you to start to see the possibilities in life for yourself, and part of
that includes valuing what is worthwhile within you. This will help you
seek out people who support you and treat you decently.
Think about the real things you value in another human being. These
might include honesty, integrity, humor, creativity, consideration, sense of
adventure, etc. Now, have you ever thought about the qualities you really
need in a partner? If this is applicable to you, write down a list of all the
qualities you feel would be of real benefit to you in a friend or partner. Do
this now in your progress notebook.
Later, when making friends or choosing a partner, you can refer back to
these qualities. Ask yourself how you know whether someone - broadly
speaking - has the type of qualities you need. You wait and see over time.
Of course, you cant tell much about a person until you get to know them
over a period of time.
And most of all, remember to watch what people do not just what they
say.
If you value honesty and a person persistently lies to you, then they are
not right for you. If you like kindness and support and someone is mean
and puts you down, then thats pretty clear feedback that they are not
right for you.
Session Ten
Communication
Yes, but they can be so sweet and lovely at other times! The
real them is different and they always apologise afterwards.
Oh please, Depresso! Someone being charming and sweet at other times

doesnt make regular abuse acceptable. Them being nice isnt the real
them! Both the horrid behavior and their nice behavior belong to them. If
they know they can win you back with a few stock phrases and a bunch of
flowers then the relationship has a large element of manipulation in it!
Youll be telling me next that the few good times are worth all the bad!
Take a really long, hard look at the type of person who gives you what
you need. Remember, real relationships are based on reciprocation not
status. If someone is emotionally blackmailing you (controlling you
through guilt) then they are not relating with you, rather, they are using
you as an object to be manipulated.
Some words on jealousy

Heres the sort of thing we typically hear from jealous people
How can anyone love me? Im unlovable! There must be something

wrong with him to like me so much. I keep imagining he prefers other
women to me and that he is seeing other people. Its only a question of
time before he abandons me for someone better! I get so angry and
jealous and insecure when he talks to others.
So what do you do if you think in this way? First, its a good idea to
consider the fact that it is often difficult to tell exactly what someone sees
in someone else! Also, you have qualities you have no idea that you
actually have. A butterfly doesnt know its beautiful and a diamond
doesnt know how valuable it is. Finally, you need to realise that you cant
totally control who should like us and why.
Misusing your imagination (again!)
Jealousy is a mix of anxious catastrophizing and anger. When jealous, we

make stuff up and then get the persons behavior to fit in with the made-
up stuff. So, someone smiling and having fun with another person is made
to fit the fear, becoming evidence that they want to run off with them
and have their babies! The result is often seething silent resentment,
horrible worry or an angry outburst.
Reasons for jealousy
A person may become destructively jealous because:
Session Ten
Communication
o They have always thought they should have complete ownership

rights over others, maybe from early conditioning in childhood.
o They have witnessed or had direct experience of deceit and
unfaithfulness in relationships.
o They feel unworthy of being in a relationship and think that the
other person must eventually find someone better. (Ironically it
may be the jealousy alone that drives the other from the
relationship.)
o A combination of the above.
Overcoming jealousy
The following will reduce jealousy:
o Challenging your imagination. This is the most important step, as

the imagination really is the origins of jealousy
o Treating your partner as a valued person
o Only taking seriously, real and substantial evidence of their being
unfaithful
Not the end of the world
The jealous person also needs to feel that, however much they love their
partner, they could survive without them. If you have been misusing your
imagination and getting jealous, you need to take time to use your
imagination constructively to imagine how you would be independent
beyond your current relationship.
This doesnt mean it should finish, just that it could, and you would still be
fine. Doing this means that you dont have to feel that losing them would
mean losing everything! Because it certainly doesnt!
Session Ten Summary
In this session we have looked at:

o Saying no
o Making relationship choices
o Self-esteem in relationships
o Jealousy
Now, take a little time to relax and enjoy allowing the information to sink
in!
To download Relaxed Review Session Ten, click here

Session Eleven
Socializing
Session Eleven
Socializing
How to get more people into your life

You remember in the session on basic needs just how important social
connections are. One of the most common questions we get from clients is
how to get more people into your life, so were going to cover it here. Of
course, this may not be a major problem for you. As with all human
needs, some people have a greater need for human contact than others.
However, you may find it contains some useful ideas, nonetheless.
Sometimes depression isolates you from your friends and family, or

makes you feel unable to establish friendships. It is also common for
depressed people to feel anxious around people they know.
Social contacts and health
Strong communities, which includes towns or villages where people know

each other, tend to have healthier, longer living and happier people.
Researchers found that a town called Roseto in Pennsylvania had a very

tight knit community. The population of Roseto seemed to be unusually
healthy. The investigators found that the above average health could not
be explained by lifestyle differences, other than the strong support
network. This finding is reflected in many studies in this area.
The more friendships and social contacts a person has, the healthier they
tend to be, both physically and mentally.
Yeah, but not everyone lives in a close-knit community.

Besides, I dont want everyone to know my business.
Always looking for why good ideas dont apply to you, arent you
Depresso? Want to prove that somehow youre different to every other
depression. Well, Ive met them all, and theyre all the same as you.
That doesnt matter because there is always something you can do. Well
look at constructive methods to get more people into your life. You can
create your own community!
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Socializing
Yeah, but what if you dont like approaching people.
Thats the thing with you, Depresso. You try to con people into thinking
that not feeling like doing something is a good enough reason for not
doing it!
Imagine if you gained just two good new friends a year. In five years,
youd have ten more really good friends! The more friends you have, the
more support and fun you can have!
Making friends is a numbers game. Its no good picking a single person

and expecting them to be the perfect friend. You need to develop and
maintain multiple friendships. In doing this, it will become apparent which
people are right for you to develop good friendships with.
Developing friendships and being an attractive friend

So, just how do we make friends?
Take a moment to think about your expectations regarding friendship. Do

you expect to make friends just like that without going through a
process?
It is common for people to have unrealistic expectations around

friendships, including expectations or feelings that friends should just
appear. But, of course, its not so. As we will see, there are steps to
making good and lasting friendships. We live in a fast society with instant
messaging and fast food, but friendships must be fostered and nurtured in
order to develop and appropriately strengthen.
Ways to develop friendships
First, decide what your friendship is for.
What do you want in a friend? Do you want humor, loyalty, someone to

share intimacies with? If you are happy to hang out with someone purely
because they are willing to be around you, then maybe you need to be
more selective.
Dont be too choosy, however, because its always a numbers game. If

you put all your eggs in one basket (with one person) then if they dont
return your call or let you down...
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Socializing
People always let me down!
Not now Depresso...
..then too much is invested in the one person. Different friends can serve
different purposes. Some people are great to socialise with, others are
good for playing sports with or for sharing intimacies. Below you will find a
series of tips and techniques, dos and donts for developing your own
thriving friendship community.
Making friends and getting along with people

This is an article that I wrote and published on www.uncommon-
knowledge.co.uk while we were developing the Depression Program, and
because it is particularly relevant to depression I have included it here.
How to get along with people

We all know how it feels to get along with people, but what is really
happening at these times? What are the ingredients of the secret sociable
sauce?
It is clear that some people are more offensive than others. It seems that
either they dont care or they dont know what they are doing.
If you have problems getting along with people there are three
possible reasons why:
1. You know how you are upsetting people but you dont care
2. You dont know you are upsetting people
3. You are aware that you are upsetting people but you dont quite
understand why. This article is for the benefit of all you 3s out there!
(And possibly some 2s too!)
Why people get offended
"I feel put down, put out, misunderstood, threatened, ignored, cheated
and deeply offended." Well not really, but I could - why? Because I am
human and therefore have basic emotional needs that can be
transgressed by other human beings.
We all have basic emotional needs and to feel happpy your needs have to
be met at least some of the time.
Session Eleven
Socializing
As you will remember from earlier in the Program, emotional needs

include:
The need to give and receive attention

The need for a sense of status
The need for purpose and goals
The need for physical wellbeing
The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves -
community, ideals, beliefs etc.
The need for intimacy
The need to be stimulated and stretched (but not stressed)
The need for a sense of control
So how can you offend people?
You offend people by stepping on their basic emotional needs
One common way this occurs is by mistakenly assuming that

communicating the problem as you see it is the only thing to be
considered when giving feedback. Anyone can say the words, but it takes
thought, practice and skill to deliver unpalatable messages without
causing undue hurt.
Of course, there are situations in which the message is more important

than the method. If Im administering mouth to mouth resuscitation to
someone I may yell at a friend or colleague for assistance. Yelling at them
normally (in a non-emergency) would infringe upon their needs for:
Status
Safety and security
The need for a sense of control
But as long as they get the message who cares? Well that depends
whether you want to get along with people; on whether you consider
friendship and the morale of those around you important or not
Emotional Needs in Relationships
If you have upset someone, consider which of their emotional needs you
have trampled upon.
If you complain to a member of staff loudly in front of other staff

members then they may feel put down (impairment to their sense of
status). This would hold true for a teenager in front of their friends.
If you end a four year romance by text message the recipient of your
insensitivity may feel angered to receive such news in this way. Why?
Session Eleven
Socializing
Because many needs are trampled on:
1 - The need for status (as respected partner, o.k. ex-partner)

2 - The need for proper attention
3 - The need for a sense of control (you try reasoning with a text
message!)
4 - The need for intimacy and so the list goes on.
How to spot which emotional need you have infringed
Of course you may not mean to upset someone but if you do, it will be
because some basic need hasnt been catered for. Here are a few more
examples:
Youre just not hearing me! (the need for attention, intimacy,
connection to others, ).
I never know where I am with you! (the need for safety and
security).
You should have asked me first! (need for status).
You shouldnt have lied to me! (The need for safety and security,
status, intimacy).
Youre really dissing me! (The need for status).
Over-sensitivity
Some people will take offence at almost anything. However if you are
clear about why people get upset then at least youll know why they feel
upset, which will tell you something about what is important to them and
illuminate their more sensitive areas.
As Ive said, its not always appropriate to consider someone elses

feelings. If you are performing life-saving first aid you may have to
scream at people to get out of the way. However once you are clear about
emotional needs then you can begin to understand what goes wrong in
relationships.
How to Make Friends
When making friends, understanding how emotional needs work is

essential.
Different friends usually meet different needs in your life
You may make a friend who is fun and exciting but who you wouldnt
necessarily tell your deepest secrets. They meet your need for stimulation.
Another friend may be less exciting, more plodding but a wonderful

listener.
Another may be someone you can share intimacies with who makes you
feel safe and secure because they are so dependable.
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Socializing
Yet another may be a business partner, someone you can share goals and
aspirations with, meeting your needs for goals, status, and meaning.
And that one person who meets all or many of your needs? Hey presto,
its your perfect friend or partner!
What makes a good friend?
People will tend to want to make friends with you if they feel you meet
some of their emotional needs. If you make them laugh you stimulate
them. If you look out for them they feel safe and secure. If you encourage
them and point out their strengths you give them a sense of control and
status. If you share secrets and have private jokes you meet their need
for intimacy. Think about what you offer people and what others offer you.
Basic emotional needs will always play a part.
Delivering difficult messages well
What about when you need to have a word with someone over
something youre not happy about?
A common mistake is to criticize someone as a person rather than

complain about something specific in their behavior.
Whats the difference? Well if you feel strongly about something you want
to let the offending person know about it. Fair enough. But if people feel
attacked something has gone wrong. You want their behavior to change in
the future. This is the desired outcome. You dont want a new best
enemy!
How to attack someone
Have you ever noticed that when giving negative feedback some people
just go onto transmit? The recipient becomes someone to be acted upon
rather than interacted with.
Sweeping remarks about a person being lazy, stupid etc tend not to be
forgotten even after later apologies, back tracks and claims of I didnt
mean it - I was angry!
If you attack someones identity as a person (rather than something

specific in their behavior) dont be surprised if they go on the defensive. If
you have a problem with someone about something theyve done (or
forgotten to do) you can be firm but fair.
Make friends, keep friends
To hold onto the friends you have, keep the way open for good future
relations with this person by avoiding causing undue offence. Once you
have taken the time to make friends, you dont want to accidentally drive
them away!
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Socializing
Constructive criticism versus attacking someone as a person
Sometimes we have to deliver constructive criticism that is, letting

someone know about something they do that you dont agree with.
Constructive criticism is NOT however
Not letting them speak

Over-generalising the problem
Blaming them, attacking their core identity rather than focusing on
the behavior in question
Indicating that everything they always do is wrong
Raising your voice
Invading body space
Asking questions without waiting for a response: Why do you
always?, What do you think you are doing?, Why do you never.?
Consequences include:
Loss of respect, morale, and trust
Lack of clarity in precisely what the problem is that needs
addressing
No clear feedback as to why the problem may have occurred and
what can be done about it
Remember: An emotional brain is not a thinking brain.
Giving specific negative feedback (Constructive criticism or

complaint)
Constructive criticism can also be described as a complaint, which in fact

is a clearer way of putting it. The word criticism implies something
personal, complaining is more about behavior. Heres how to do it well
Have a gentle start up to your complaint. The you word at the start can
immediately switch people into the defensive. Rather start with phrases
like:
Ive noticed recently.
Be specific in your feedback. Talk only about the problem with their
behavior / performance you wish to address
Keep it time limited: Recently Ive noticed that., and I want to

talk about the incident last week Not: You always/never blah
blah blah (because that is all they will hear!)
Dont make comments about their personality, appearance and

dont make wild statements about how everyone else perceives
them. This can be unfounded and crushing. Remember some things
you say may be irreparable later on so stick to the point! Keep
emotions out of it as far as possible.
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Socializing
Being respectful and fair doesnt mean being scared to deliver the
message. It is much more skilful to deliver a difficult message well than to
bulldozer someone. Learning to do this well means keeping open lines of
communication and maintaining relationships, which of course is most
important if you have to work with them in future or they are your
romantic partner.
How to give compliments
Mark Twain said he could live two months on a good compliment. This
may have been pushing it a bit but giving regular and sincere (most
important) compliments cements relationships.
Note: Keeping complaints specific limits damage to relationships. Being

specific with your compliments maximizes their effectiveness.
So a rule for any type of feedback to other people is: Be specific!
For example, You are so wonderful, does not have the same power as,
The way you handled that meeting showed you have real people skills
especially when you. Keeping your compliments specific makes them
meaningful and more likely to be believed.
A compliment to a young boy such as: You were so great today winning
your race / trying your hardest / comforting your friend is much more
readily accepted and memorable then a vague, You are so wonderful for
just being you!
Criticism (even when constructive) is more likely to be accepted if it is

tempered by regular compliments. A ratio of 5:1 compliment to complaint
is a handy rule-of-thumb.
Further Relationship Skills
Like a popular bank account, people will like you if you pay good interest.
Listening properly to people can meet their need for connection, status
and intimacy and is a key relationship skill.
Let people know you are listening by:
Actually listening to them, nodding, smiling and looking in their

general direction.
Feeding back what they say; showing them you know they actually
said it. And then adding anything of your own.
If you dont agree at least acknowledge theyve spoken: I
understand what you mean, however as far as I see it.., or:
Thats a good idea---------and it might be even better if.
Session Eleven
Socializing
Ask opinions, advice or help
People feel important if you ask them what they think. This meets their
need for status.
Talk to them about their concerns and interests
People will feel that you are interesting if you show interest in them. Dont
compromise your own personality but be aware of this basic rapport
building rule.
Offer help and do favors
People like people who are helpful. Helping people practically meets all
kinds of emotional needs (you should, by now, be able to work out which
ones ;-)
And smile, smile, smile
Research shows that when you smile at someone pleasure centers in

their brain are stimulated. People like warmth and will come to
associate you with feeling good. Smiling relaxes people and make them
feel they can trust you.
Basic rules on smiling:
Dont over do it! Whoops!

Dont smile when you are anxious, angry or giving negative
feedback - its confusing and can look like a grimace!
Dont smile when someone else has stubbed their toe. You smiling
when someone else is having a bad time gives the message that
you are glad its not you rather than you wish it wasnt them!
In summary
Remember that everyone has similar emotional needs (including

you!)
Take these needs into account in social, work and romantic
situations
Keep complaints specific and avoid overgeneralising negatives
Make compliments specific; give examples to make them real
Listen and talk about what is important to people. And smile and
look interested.
The more you meet others emotional needs, the more they will like you.
The less you step on their emotional needs, the less offence you will
cause. And if someone else offends you, check out your basic emotional
needs to find out why.
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Socializing
OK, thats the end of the article I hope you enjoyed it and found it
useful. Now on with the Program
Where to meet friends
While its possible to make new friends anywhere, it seems that the best
situations are those where meeting friends isnt your sole purpose. So
friends are met at work, school, through mutual friends, etc., and of
course via the Internet. In short, the more you mix with others, the more
likely you are to widen your social network.
If you find socialising uncomfortable, joining a group of people who have a

shared aim, such as a charitable one, will allow you to join in and give
you common ground to work from.
Take off the pressure
Nothing puts people off like obvious desperation. Dont fly into a jealous
rage if someone doesnt get back to you when you leave them a message.
Dont analyse why they said this or didnt say that. Your friend needs to
feel comfortable with the friendship, not pressured because you are
desperate for company.
Give and take
As I have said, friendships are based on reciprocation, on giving and

receiving.
Just as you dont want a friend demanding too many favours from you
without giving something to the relationship, dont demand too many
favours from your friends. Likewise, dont call someone five times in the
week after you first met them. Relationships need the right input. Not too
little, but not too much. Calling someone once every couple of weeks to
see if they want to do something might be more appropriate to begin
with.
Session Eleven
Socializing
Keep personal stuff close to your chest at first
You may feel like sharing your innermost secrets and concerns with
someone, but at the start of a relationship, this is highly likely to scare
people away. Small talk evolved to allow people to get to know each other
in order to ascertain whether it was safe to share bigger secrets.
By going on to big talk too soon, you are giving the message that:
1) Your friend is not that important to you. You share this stuff with
everyone, easily.
2) You are desperate, which increases the pressure on them.
3) You dont adhere to normal friendship rules, which is unsettling for
them.
A friendship in its early stages can be thought of as a seed that has just
sprouted. At first, it needs exactly the right soil, moisture, temperature
and light or it will wither and die. Later, as the friendship grows, it
becomes hardier and eventually capable of standing up to storms.
Dont gossip
You want people to trust you and feel that what they say to you will go no
further.
We all talk about other people to some extent, but keep it light, especially
at first. Spilling scandals or others intimacies may make you exciting in
the short-term, but wont make you a valued long-term friend.
Let people speak
People like other people who are good listeners, as well as good talkers.
You dont have to entertain all the time or be a constant stream of
amusement. Let others be funny and have their say. This is a form of
generosity.
Dont talk over people. Conversation is not competition.
People like fun and humorous people
People avoid people who are depressing. A friend in need is a friend

indeed may be true up to a point. But, if you constantly use your friend
as a therapist, then whats in it for them? Now and then its great if you
can share problems, but not all the time! When people smile at us, the
mood centres of our brains get a boost.
Session Eleven
Socializing
What to talk about
I dont do small talk!
Why not? Small talk has been called social lubrication. Only being able
to talk about heavy things is a disadvantage. Small talk can lead to big
talk. You get to know people gradually through small talk, not by going
straight to heavy, meaning of life, state of the world type talk.
So what do you say after Hello? If you want to build rapport with a
person, ask and talk about them! Tell them about stuff youve been doing
and what you thought about it. Discuss movies youve watched, books
youve read, meals you have eaten or cooked, things that are going on in
your community, places youve been, and so on.
If a friend has worries, ask them if theyd like some time with you just to
discuss things. Of course, this should not be the only role you play as their
friend, but occasionally your support in this way will cement your
relationships.
How to make someone feel valued in conversation

When chatting, we often close our ears to what is being said as we
prepare in our minds what we are about to say next. You can make
someone feel good by:
o Listening well enough that you can feed back what they have said
to you. Hearing someone paraphrase your words is a wonderful
thing.
o Relating what you say to what they have previously said.
o Show interest by being attentive and giving them all your
attention.
o Referring back to a point they made earlier.
o Mentioning a fact they mentioned at a previous meeting and
attributing it to them: Like you said last time
Session Eleven
Socializing
Develop friendship maps
As your friendships develop, you need to develop a map of your friends

lives. This means that you get to know the details of your friends life. You
do this by:
1) Showing interest by listening and asking questions
2) Remembering names, facts & figures
3) Feeding back mentioning these in future conversations
If you listen for names, dates, details and concerns that they express to
you, you can convey how much they matter to you by asking them about
their current concerns, etc. Give quality attention and dont just talk about
yourself.
To have a friend, you must first be a friend
Example
Jane got chatting to Glenda. They found they got along really well and
started doing things together. Glenda liked Jane because she really
listened to what Glenda had to say. For example, Glenda once mentioned
that her brother George wasnt very well and may need surgery. Glenda
only mentioned this once, but six weeks later Jane asked Glenda how her
brother, George, was getting on. Jane had listened, remembered and fed
back by asking how he was.
Glenda said: The fact that Jane remembered my brothers name and my
concerns about him really moved me. This made me feel important and
valued by Jane.
You need to know what is current and important in your friends life. This
is partly how you become a valued and important friend. Using quality
listening for the important details of their life integrates their life with
yours.
Sow and you shall reap
Someone has to start the pattern of good friendship. And, it might as well
be you! Kindness, concern and interesting activity are the qualities of a
good friend.
Dont wait for someone else to be friendly, for they may be waiting for
you! If you find it hard to take the risk, acknowledge that to yourself and
take the risk anyway. It will prove to be worth it, because there is no real
downside.
Session Eleven
Socializing
You need to invest in your relationship. Dont expect to reap the benefits
of an intimate relationship immediately. Collect telephone numbers and
addresses, remember names and details and put some work in!
Put time aside in your diary to call friends just to see how they are. Dont
call just when you want something or need a favor. Call to ask them
whats happening and what theyve been up to. You dont just need to call
to organise a get-together.
Do organise events and suggest doing things, though. You may have to do
a lot of the running in the early days, but eventually friendships will take
and people will begin to call you.
Let things go
While its important to not be taken advantage of, its also important to
allow your friends to be human. Expecting friends to be perfect is a sure
fire way to disappointment. Its unlikely you are going to like everything
about your friends, so make reasonable allowances and focus on what you
do like.
You can have healthy disagreements, but you should also tell friends what
you like or admire about them. Compliments should be sincere.
Be thoughtful
Send gifts and cards on birthdays and anniversaries. Dont overdo it but
stay a part of others lives. Take extra food or a small gift if you are
invited for dinner. Little surprises go a long way in a relationship. If
theres a show on TV you think theyd like, then give them a call or text
them and let them know.
You certainly can ask for favours in return as a good friendship is always
give-and-take, and asking for a favor conveys the message I consider
you a good enough friend to ask this. If someone is never willing to help
you out, they are giving you useful feedback that perhaps they are not
friend material.
Session Eleven
Socializing
Be a good host
When you invite people over to your place, look after them. Make visiting
you a pleasure and people will want to come back. Remember that people
like to relax, so allow them to relax in your home by being welcoming
without smothering them.
Session Eleven Summary

In this session, we have looked at:
Making friends
The value of small talk
What to talk about
Being a good friend
Now its time for this sessions Relaxed Review
To download Relaxed Review Session Eleven, click here

Session Twelve
Sleep
Session Twelve
Sleep
Depression and Sleep: tips and ways to move forward

You know its difficult to keep Depresso in the picture long-term if your
sleep is wonderful. As always, we want you to feel well and think better.
Depression and sleep quality go hand-in-hand. Depression always (and
this is a case where I can say always) disrupts sleep patterns in some
way. Either by spoiling the quality of sleep when you do sleep, or by
preventing it or waking you early. Basically, Depresso likes to get his
hands on your sleep!
Sleep is a basic emotional and physical need
Sleep is a basic human need, just like food and water. Getting less sleep
for one night is not a big problem. We can adapt quite well to an
occasional shortened nights sleep. Aside from feeling sleepy and a little
irritable, your ability to function is not usually that affected. However, if
you get less sleep than you require night after night, your quality of mood
and life generally suffers considerably.
Poor sleep
Poor sleep takes different forms - it may be that it takes time getting off
to sleep or perhaps you fall asleep but then over-dream and wake up
exhausted. Maybe you lie awake tossing and turning for hours, churning
over stuff in your head and shifting restlessly from one position to another
worrying about how little sleep you seem to be getting. Even if you feel
your sleep is fine, you should learn from this section. Most people have
the occasional poor nights sleep, but Depresso delights in poor sleep
patterns!
Three types of common sleep problems:
1. Sleep onset insomnia, which is difficulty actually getting off to

sleep.
2. Sleep maintenance insomnia, which is a difficulty in staying asleep.
3. Poor quality of sleep, which is the loss of the deeper, more restful
sleep caused by over dreaming and day time worrying.
Session Twelve
Sleep
Any of these sleep problems can result in:
Daytime sleepiness
Impaired memory
Difficulty in concentrating
Feelings of depression
Slowed thinking
Irritability; feeling more emotional than usual
Poor health
Sleep and depression

Up to now, we have been looking at ways to cut down on over-dreaming
by focussing on how you relate to people, how you use your imagination
and what assumptions and thoughts you have about life. Now you are
going to get essential information about how to encourage deep, restful
and comforting sleep that will help your mood and energy levels
throughout the day.
How much sleep do you need?
Its true that different people need different amounts of sleep. This can
vary from six or seven hours of sleep a night, to eight, to ten. Remember,
it is the quality of sleep and not just the quantity that is important. About
25% of your sleep time should be spent in what we call the REM state.
The remaining 75% needs to be the deeper slow wave sleep in which the
mind and body recuperate, refreshing and revitalising you. Your immune
system also gets a boost when you relax deeply in deep between dream
sleep.
What counts is how you feel, not how many hours of sleep youve had. If
you are alert, feel rested and function well during the day, chances are
you had the right quality and quantity of sleep the night before.
Some good news
If youve been sleeping not-so-well and have been feeling overly tired, the
Relaxed Reviews in this program will help you recoup benefits for your
mind and body. Deep daytime relaxation can offset the loss of energy
caused by poor sleep, which help restore health and positive mood! So,
keep listening!
Session Twelve
Sleep
How to sleep better

I am such a bad sleeper, I never sleep well!
Ah, here we go again! Thank you for revisiting depressive explanatory

styles for us, Depresso!
The fact is the self-help techniques we offer do help many people learn to
sleep better. However, they are not quick fixes like medications, but
theyll give you more effective (and safer) results in the long-run, which is
certainly desirable.
Develop a long-term focus regarding sleep
The most important message here is Keep at it! Its really important not
to give up after just one or two nights because at the very least, these
exercises will encourage relaxation, which will help you feel better even if
you dont sleep. Allow yourself at least two to four weeks to see some
positive results and ten to twelve weeks for significant, long-term
improvement. Each morning, on awakening, record your progress in your
progress book
Benefits of improved sleep
The obvious benefit of improved sleep is that feelings of depression lift.

Once you get more of your slow wave deep sleep, you start to feel
sunnier, brighter and more energetic in the mornings. One study, dated as
far back as the 1950s, found that depressed patients who were woken
every time they dreamed had their symptoms of depression lift very
quickly.
However, this is not an effective treatment because eventually the test

subjects would sleep again and, because they hadnt learned any new
ways of thinking and being, the depressive symptoms resumed. Also, the
brain prioritises REM sleep, so when they slept again, their brain would
overdream to get things back in balance.
Deep sleep is also connected to immune function. The same chemicals

that trigger sleep also stimulate the cells of our immune system, which is
your bodys defence against infections.
Session Twelve
Sleep
Understanding your sleep patterns
The first step in getting a good nights sleep is to correct any

misconceptions you may have around sleep. Common myths are as
follows:
If at first you dont succeed try, try again.
Mmm. Actually, this is not a good idea when it comes to sleep. Trying is
an awake-type thing. The more you try to fall asleep, the more likely
youll stay awake. In fact, people are more likely to go to sleep when they
are trying to stay awake!
I didnt sleep a wink last night!
This is a very common perception; however, people in sleep laboratories

often report not having slept at all, even after researchers have observed
them sleeping four, five, even six or seven hours! Its unlikely you got no
sleep at all. Even during the roughest nights, most people with insomnia
manage to get several hours of sleep. We tend to overestimate how long
it took us to get to sleep and underestimate how much sleep we actually
had.
Insomnia Monitor Exercise

Purpose: To dispel one of the biggest myths of insomnia that you get
no sleep at all. This will lead to you becoming less stressed about sleep
and so improve the chances of sleeping better.
Success Indicators: You will have a more realistic (and less extreme)
idea of how much you sleep.
If you think you dont sleep at all, do this simple experiment:
Put your progress notebook by your bed

Every 15 minutes during the night, write the time in your notebook
In the morning you will have an accurate record of exactly how
much sleep you got
If I dont get to sleep, Ill be a total wreck tomorrow!
For most tasks one sleepless night isnt going to make much difference. In
fact, if you havent slept, you may find you actually more creative as you
are that much closer to unconscious functioning!
Session Twelve
Sleep
Yes, yes, but what should I be doing to get some decent

sleep? Its hopeless isnt it!
Right! Depression, will you just listen a minute? Thats typical, jumping to
conclusions without finding out facts. Calm down, wait and see, be open-
minded and please shut-up!
First, there are basic things you can do to encourage natures great
restorer
Leave out the stimulants
Caffeine: Yes I know this is an obvious one. If you have any issue with
sleep, you should avoid caffeine for six to eight hours before bedtime.
Caffeine is contained in coffee, tea, chocolate, soft drinks, hot cocoa
(often used before bedtime) and some medications. Always look for
caffeine on the label.
Medications: Some medications can cause restlessness and

sleeplessness. These include some decongestants, anti-depressants,
asthma medications, beta blockers, steroids and some diet pills, as well as
offcourse amphetamines. Obviously, you may have to be on some of
these medications, but if you can cut down (only under the supervision of
your physician, of course) in any way, all the better! Dont forget: Consult
your doctor on this one.
Alcohol: Yes, I know - what about the famous night cap? Well, here are
the facts: Alcohol can make you drowsy initially and even send you off to
sleep, but it can also disrupt your sleep later on. It will also impair the
quality of your sleep, which as we know is just as, if not more, important
than quantity.
Nicotine: Smokers tend to find it harder to fall asleep and they wake up
more during the night. Nicotine is a powerful stimulant and is absorbed
through the mucous membranes right into the brain in about eight
seconds, which is followed by adrenaline production. This is why smokers
tend to have more anxiety disorders than non-smokers. If you can quit,
do so. If not, steer clear of the old weed before bedtime!
Food and drink: Avoid heavy meals right before bedtime. But a light
carbohydrate snack just before retiring can actually help you achieve deep
sleep. Carbohydrates are contained in pasta, toast and warm milk.
Carbohydrates increase brain serotonin, which lifts mood and also is a
prerequisite for deep sleep.
Fluids: Dont have too much fluid just before bedtime as this will reduce
your chances of waking in the night and needing to relieve yourself.
Session Twelve
Sleep
Handy hints for deep sleep
Exercise: As well as being natures great antidepressant, daytime

exercise will encourage deep, restful sleep at night. As we know, exercise
changes brain chemistry and helps relieve depression and anxiety that can
interfere with deep sleep. Repetitive exercise such as running increases
serotonin production, which enhances sleep quality.
People with insomnia tend to be less active during the day. Exercise
causes your body to heat-up, causing a greater temperature drop at night.
In order to sleep, your body needs to cool and the more effectively it
does, the better you sleep!
Cool it!
To fall asleep, your core body temperature needs to cool in comparison to

your extremities. Not too much of course; being freezing cold will keep
you awake. One study showed that the biggest difference people could
make was to wear socks in bed. Wearing socks or having a hot water
bottle by your feet takes more of the hot core blood away from your body,
allowing it to cool.
Relaxing for twenty minutes will also stimulate a later cool-down. Do this
several hours before bedtime. Exercise five or six hours before bedtime
and youll also get the cool down effect you need for deep restful sleep.
So, a cool room will help you sleep better. Its also best if your
environment is quiet and dark. Darkness helps you produce a chemical
called melatonin, which promotes sleep. If you get up in the night dont go
into a brightly lit room as this fools your brain and body into thinking it is
morning and making you more alert.
Keep it organised
Sleep is a beast that needs to be tamed. It needs to be captured during

night-time hours. Go to bed when you are tired, but make sure you awake
at the same time every morning and get out of bed when you awake. If
you are over dreaming because of too much day time worrying, then
staying in bed in the morning for too long will just increase REM time,
which means more time not producing serotonin, plus further exhaustion
of your hormonal systems and re-orientation response.
Daytime relaxation can aid night time deep sleep. However, dont sleep
during the day as this will make you more alert at night.
Session Twelve
Sleep
Calm the worrying mind - set aside a worry time
Does a racing mind keep you awake at night? If it does:
Revisit the section on worry and catastrophizing
Designate a worry time. This could be early evening after seven or

even in the morning if you have time. Do it well before bedtime
though.
During your worry time, write down your problems and concerns.
Do this for about twenty minutes and try not to think about
anything, but your worries.
Make a to-do list to get them off your mind. If need be, you can
keep this by your bed and note down any that come to mind as you
are going to sleep.
The purpose of this is to allow you to relax and sleep well again,
knowing that any worries you have can be saved for the next days
worry time.
Whats your bedtime routine?
Research shows that after a stimulating day full of enjoyable activity

(seeing new places, enjoyable company, seeing a good movie), people fall
asleep faster. However, on top of making your life more interesting during
the day, you need to establish a relaxing bed time routine.
Some people have a bath, a cup of warm milk (remember the serotonin)
and read a cosy novel. Some people write in a diary or even paint or draw
or otherwise engage in some relaxing and enjoyable wind down activity.
Use your bed only for sleep and sex
Your bed and bedroom may have become associated with a place of
stress, maybe because youve spent hours and hours in there tossing and
turning and worrying. Think about changing colours, furniture and the
position of your bed.
Your bedroom needs to have restful, calming and comfortable

associations:
Session Twelve
Sleep
Use your bedroom just for relaxing, pleasurable activities and sleep.
Dont let anything stressful into your bedroom/bed time.
Dont use your bedroom for arguments, eating, worrying, talking on

the phone, or other rousing activities (with the exception of
enjoyable, relaxing sex).
Do not have a television in your bedroom (this is incredibly

important for good sleep. If you have kids who dont sleep well or
are grumpy due to lack of sleep, take the TV out of their room too.)
If you are regularly using sleeping pills, be warned that they can be
addictive and spoil the quality of your sleep. They can leave you
feeling tired and groggy the next day. If you want to come off
them, you need to consult your doctor. As a general rule, you
should taper off slowly, but this can only be determined by your
prescribing physician.
Now, if you start to put these steps into practice, youll reap the rewards
of deep nightly refreshment! In may take time, but the benefits of deep
slow wave sleep will transform the way you generally feel (lets not be
extremist about it) day-to-day.
Now, we are going to give you a beautiful relaxation tool to encourage

deep rest and comfort as you sleep at night.
Session Twelve Summary
In this session, we looked at:

The vital nature of sleep
What sleep does for your mind and body
Tips for good sleep
To download Relaxed Review Session Twelve, click here

Session Thirteen
Exercise
Session Thirteen
Exercise
Getting moving and eating right!

We are now going to look at more basic physical needs, which are closely
connected to your feelings of well-being.
Its a clich to say that our ancestors didnt need to go to the gym. They
lived in a world without cars, planes and elevators. They had to exercise
as part of their every day activity. Things like obesity and inactivity were
unheard of. People were active for longer.
Now, as you know, serotonin is a chemical related to feelings of well-

being, satisfaction and motivation. When you dream, it stops being
produced. When you over-dream, it becomes depleted in your system,
causing depression.
Indeed, exercise is a very powerful antidepressant
In fact, new research from Duke University in North Carolina shows that
exercising three times a week can be just as effective as drug therapy
when it comes to relieving the symptoms of major depression.
But, dont over do it!
Depression and exercise don't like to share the same life space. If you
move exercise into your life, depression will move out. This is true for
many kinds of exercise.
New research shows that you dont have to over do it, which is maybe
what you were tempted to do if you had perfectionist tendencies and were
an all-or-nothing thinker (two attitudes closely linked to depression as
you know).
Moderate exercise confers great benefits. It makes you happier, healthier

and raises self-esteem and confidence. Moderate exercise can give you
most of the benefits of really intense exercise, and is easier to keep doing
in the long-term.
An epidemic of inactivity
UK citizens eat less than they did ten years ago, but are fatter. This has
been put down to inactivity. Twenty five percent of adult Americans are
completely inactive. Another 50 percent could strongly benefit from more
activity.
Session Thirteen
Exercise
Now, we cant blame inactive life styles on the huge increase in rates of
depression, but it certainly doesnt help!
But, Im too old/fat/depressed to exercise!
Oh the old Ive got an excuse approach. Listen Depresso, exercise is for
everyone! Fat, thin, old, disabled - anyone and everyone. Its not just for
the lean, muscular and beautiful! All that stuff about exercise having to be
intensive is not true! A little exercise on a regular basis will raise your
serotonin levels and get you feeling and looking better!
Benefits of moderate exercise for depression

During the last 15 years, several hundred studies have looked at the
effects of exercise on depression and found that exercise increases self-
esteem, improves mood, reduces anxiety levels, increases the ability to
handle stress, and improves sleep patterns. As we get older, it is even
more important to stay on a regular exercise regimen. While this can be a
bit of a challenge, recent research suggests that it may be an effective
antidote to major depression.
A small study done at Harvard of 32 depressed people over the age of 60

compared the effects of resistance training to no training. The resistance-
trained group showed significant gains in social functioning, vitality, and
mood, and they also increased their strength by 33%.
Similarly, a Norwegian study of depressed patients enrolled in an exercise

program found that more than half of them stayed in the exercise
segment a full year after the rest of their treatment finished. Many of
them rated the exercise as the most important part of their program
Experts now admit they were mistaken in saying that exercise had to be
intense and continuous to provide the sought-after benefits. Not only is
there clear evidence that moderate exercise is better than none, but there
is also evidence that moderate exercise results in many of the health
benefits of vigorous exercise.
One study revealed that men who took part in thirty minutes of light
moderate exercise a day had lower rates of heart disease and death than
completely sedentary men. In fact, they were as protected from fatal
heart attacks as men who exercised three times as much!
Exercise produces serotonin and dopamine, both of which are natural

antidepressants and can also focus the mind away from unreturned tax
demands and a dodgy relationship for a while!
Session Thirteen
Exercise
When do I have the time to exercise even moderately, as

you put it?
Ah, yet another original excuse from Depresso you really dont want
people to exercise do you?
Normal activities count! As Ive said, intense or vigorous exercise is not

necessary to get the antidepressant affects from exercise. Normal
activities such as chores, tasks and walking, instead of going by bus or
car, certainly give you great benefits. Other normal activities (not too
strenuous) that will get your serotonin levels up include:
Climbing stairs
Brisk walking
Dancing
Playing catch
Cycling to work or for pleasure
Cleaning the house/apartment
Gardening
Washing windows/the car
Youve got to be kidding! Everyone knows you need an

expensive gym membership, to start wearing lycra and spend
hours a day exercising!
If I didnt know you better Depresso, Id think you were joking! Exercise
is simply about moving your body. Pushing a lawn mower counts, but
riding on one doesnt!
How much exercise?

Experts recommend about thirty minutes of exercise a day. However, the
good news is that it doesnt have to be all at once! The concensus is now
that collecting short bursts of activity throughout the day can give as
great a benefit as continuous thirty-minute efforts!
Session Thirteen
Exercise
Anything is better than nothing!
One piece of research found that men who walk a mile a day had a 30%
lowered risk of a stroke; those who walked more than a mile a day had a
50% lower risk!
Every bit of activity counts, no matter how small. If you really want to be
more vigorous, thats fine. Maybe you want to look and feel extra sleek,
but remember, it doesnt matter how brief your periods of activity are, as
the benefits are cumulative. Its the total amount of activity that counts,
not the manner in which you do it! You dont have to knock yourself out in
order to greatly improve your life! Also, after a period of calorie burning
exercise, you are still burning off more calories and have more energy up
to eighteen hours after you finish exercising. So, you certainly dont just
get the benefits while you are doing it!
Activity Monitoring Exercise

Purpose: To keep track of how much physical exercise you are doing and
so enable to you increase it and enjoy the depression-lifting effects.
Success Indicators: You will have a history of your activity in your

Progress Notebook and will have realised how much sustained increased
exercise can improve your energy levels, sleep quality and mood stability.
If you used the motivation reward scheme, you will have more CDs or
DVDs in your collection!
Ok, so now you need to start increasing your daily physical activity. Even
if you are already exercising or doing a lot of activity, increasing it will
help, at least while the rest of the program takes effect.
At the end of each day, in your progress book, write down all the physical
activity you have done that day. A typical list might go like this:
Climbed stairs at the shopping mall (instead of riding the elevator)

Raked leaves for 15 minutes
Walked a mile round trip to pick the kids up from school
Walked half a mile after dinner
Total activity time: Approximately 55 minutes.
Session Thirteen
Exercise
Or, it might include more structured activity and look something like this:
Swam 10 lengths at the swimming pool

Jogged for two miles
Did aerobics video for 30 minutes
Total activity time: Approx one hour and 45 minutes. Phew, that would be
quite a heavy day, but you get the idea!
Motivation Tips
If you find your self putting-off exercising, let your mind focus on
the good feelings that are in store for you after youve finished the
activity rather than the effort of doing the activity.
Incentivize yourself by creating your own reward scheme. For every
10 hours of exercise you do, treat yourself to a new CD, DVD or
something else you enjoy. That way, you can focus on your reward
to get yourself to do that bit of exercise each day.
Now, you can relax deeply and enjoy the benefits of deep, refreshing calm
as you listen to this visualisation download designed to encourage physical
exercise.
Session Thirteen Summary

In this session we looked at:
The benefits of exercise
How to increase your exercise levels
To download Relaxed Review Session Thirteen, click here

Session Fourteen
Nutrition
Session Fourteen
Nutrition
Eating away depression

Part of stopping doing things that encourage depression is to regain a
sense of pleasure in life. Weve already seen that the happiest people tend
to be those who can gain small pleasures from simple things. A beautiful
sun set, a babys smile or a cool summers breeze can be more readily
enjoyed than having to be absolutist and only gain pleasure from winning
the lottery or meeting Mr. or Miss. Wonderful.
Eating can be highly pleasurable and (shock-horror!), healthy too! Certain

foods, as we shall see, act on your mood. They do this by releasing
certain brain chemicals called neurotransmitters.
Eating regularly to relieve depression
Depressed people have more of the stress hormone (cortisol) in their

blood systems. If you miss meal times, your body behaves as if it is under
stress and you are hunting for the next food source. It produces more
cortisol to help you cope with the increased stress of famine and hunting.
So, part of combating depression is to alleviate stress on your mind and
body by eating regularly and well.
Irregular meals also cause fluctuations in blood sugar that can strongly
affect your mood, making you prone to black-and-white thinking, anxiety
and catastrophizing.
Enjoy eating
Eating involves more than just taste. When you eat, you use all your
senses. Eat slowly, savor food, and pay attention to the different tastes,
textures and aromas. Eating slowly allows you to get full quicker and
helps you resist the temptation to overeat. Overeaters nearly always eat
too fast. They literally eat so quickly that their brain does not get the
message quickly enough that they are full. By slowing down, youll know
more accurately when youve had enough to eat.
Empty food that is food that is lacking in the right vitamins and
nutrients can also leave you with cravings that make it hard to control
your eating patterns and in the long term, potential malnutrition. This is
one reason why a healthy, balanced diet is so essential.
Session Fourteen
Nutrition
Serotonin, depression and eating
Yes, what is all this serotonin I keep hearing about?
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter, which has received a lot of attention in

the last few years (see the Learning path). The reason is that low
serotonin levels have been linked to depression, lack of concentration,
obesity, sleeplessness, and, of course, migraines. The fact is that not
getting basic needs met, negatively ruminating and over-dreaming all
serve to lower serotonin levels. So low serotonin levels arent so much a
cause of depression, but more a consequence, although once they are
low, they feed back into the depressive cycle.
Your body doesn't get serotonin from foods, but makes serotonin from
tryptophan. Tryptophan is an essential amino acid.
Tryptophan is present in turkey, black eyed-peas, walnuts, almonds,

sesame or pumpkin seeds, wheatgerm, granola, cottage cheese, eggs, as
well as cheddar, gruyere or Swiss cheeses. Also, helping to a lesser extent
are whole grains, brown rice, and other dairy products.
Mind Food
Foods high in protein release chemicals that keep us alert, suppress
appetite and get us more mentally energetic. Which perhaps explains why
eggs and milk are often favoured morning foods.
As a general rule, you can absorb more protein early in the day and more
carbohydrates later, as you are winding down for the evening.
You should use this information. It may be that you have been
instinctively using food to alter your mood. Food is no substitute for
getting emotional needs met however, its important to understand the
impact certain foods have on your brain and body.
As I mentioned earlier, blood sugar has a strong impact on your moods. If

you find that you have mood swings or food cravings, make sure you are
taking protein at every meal. Here are some ideas:
Eggs for breakfast

Nuts for snacks
Cold meat for lunches
Nut / cereal bars for snacks
Lentils & pulses in vegetarian meals
Session Fourteen
Nutrition
Carrying nuts with you for example, will allow you to have protein
whenever you have a snack, so you dont eat simply carbohydrates and
then experience a blood sugar spike and dip. As well as being bad for your
mood, the long-term effects of too much sugar can be obesity and
diabetes.
A special note for women
Food and serotonin may be especially important for you, because

oestrogen levels are linked to serotonin levels. When oestrogen levels fall,
so do serotonin levels, and that may be just what it takes to trigger a
migraine. (During the average 28 days cycle this occurs at the beginning
of ovulation around day 9/10.)
So why not pay close attention to the food and serotonin link, and make
sure that you're eating healthy foods, especially when you know your
oestrogen levels are falling.
Remember that eating healthy for much of the time can greatly improve
the quality of your life all of the time.
Eat regularly
Please, for goodness sake, dont miss meals! For all the reasons above,
and many more besides, this is one of the worst things you can do!
Spicy food can be good for you
Chillis can also be very healthy. Spices and herbs boost flavours without
boosting calories or fats. Spicy foods can increase feelings of energy.
The ingredient in chilli peppers is capsaicin, which can burn off extra
calories, loosen congestion due to colds, thin the blood to help prevent
heart attacks, and trigger mood elevating endorphins.
Make sure your food isnt hurting you
If you find that you have chronically low energy, gas, flatulence, bad
breath, irregular or poorly formed stools, it may be that you have a food
intolerance. The symptoms can be similar to depression and it essential
that you get tested by your doctor if you have any concerns about this.
The correct diet can make all the difference in the world if your body is
allergic or intolerant of certain foodstuffs.
Session Fourteen
Nutrition
It is worth noting for example, that the average diagnosis time of celiac
disease in the United States (a genetic condition causing intolerance of
gluten in wheat, rye and barley) is currently around 10 years from onset
of symptoms, yet in Italy it is around 2 weeks. The US simply hasnt
caught up with this common condition, despite the fact that studies now
put its prevalence at around 1 in 100 in European populations.
Session Fourteen Summary

In this session we looked at:
The effect of poor nutrition on depression
What good nutrition means
The effect of food on the brain
To download Relaxed Review Session Fourteen, click here

Session Fifteen
Humor
Session Fifteen
Humor
The importance of laughter and humor

Life is too important to take seriously.
Corky Siegel, musician
No way! What have I got to laugh about? Depression is no

laughing matter. Any way you cant just tell a depressed
person to Cheer up!
I thought you wouldnt like this, Depresso! As the lecturer and writer
Anne Wilson Schaef said: Humor isnt for everyone. Its just for those who
want to have fun, enjoy life and feel alive!
Of course, you dont just say cheer up! But the fact remains that humor
and laughter are very powerful, healthy antidepressants and as such
deserve inclusion in this program so if you dont mind...
But laughter is just a defence mechanism Im interested in

the serious things of life!
Laughter isnt just anything (Unless youre an all-or-nothing thinker). It

certainly can defend against rigid thinking and low moods. Serious things
in life can also be understood through the use of humor. Creativity,
humor, lateral thinking and serious subject matter can all mix and match
in a blend in life without having to be strictly segmented. Humor can give
us unexpected shifts in perspective and a wider frame of reference, all of
which are serious concerns as far as personal development is
concerned!
Session Fifteen
Humor
The benefits of laughter
Laughter is a massive antidepressant and its side effects include being

more fun around others, better health and more flexible (less all-or-
nothing) thinking. Here are some of the benefits:
Reduced physical pain

Lower stress levels
Provides exercise for your heart and cardiovascular system
Improves immune function meaning you get sick less
Brightens your mood and sense of well-being
Reduces anxiety, depression, hostility and tension
Reduces blood pressure
Eases and enhances social interaction (being with people)
Its true folks. You heard it here first...
Im way too cynical for this nonsense!
Ill ignore that predictable interruption, Depresso!
Laughing is a great work out! A good laugh can burn off calories and
exercise your organs. Your abs and chest get a wonderful rejuvenation
from a good belly laugh.
Pain relief
A man called Norman Cousins wrote about the experiences of nursing

himself back to health from a debilitating and extremely painful arthritic
condition by every day watching comedy videos of the Marx brothers and
other favourite comedies.
People who listen to comedy tapes have been found to be far less
sensitive to pain than people who were not exposed to comedy.
Stress relief
People who use humor a lot are less likely to get as upset as their more
humorless counterparts when faced with negative events and
circumstances. You can think of your sense of humor as a muscle the
less you use it, the weaker it gets. Start your humor training regime
today! Remember what makes you laugh. Seek out ways to enjoy humor
more through books, DVDs, shows whatever!
Session Fifteen
Humor
Flexible thinking
Having a great sense of humor means seeing unexpected avenues and

possibilities in things. Good problem-solving skills and humor often go
hand-in-hand. Obviously, there are times when you need to be serious
but, having said that, its surprising how much of life can (and needs to),
include humor. It is often the case that through making a joke we find a
solution or discover a new useful and helpful angle.
Boosting your immune system
If youve been depressed then you know you have been over dreaming
(despite the fact that you may not remember your dreams). This means
that you were missing out on the deep, restorative slow-wave sleep.
Relaxation and also laughter can help restore the balance, bringing you a
greater sense of health back.
One study found that those who watched a comedy video had higher
levels of bacteria-fighting antibodies in their bloodstream afterwards. Also,
people who reported using humor often to cope with stress had
consistently higher levels of these protective antibodies and so were
better equipped to fight infection.
In parts of India, tens of thousands of people start the day by attending

laughter clubs before going off to work in the mornings. Here they begin
by doing crazy things like rolling around on the floor and faking laughter
until real laughter takes over and becomes infectious. Pretty soon, every
one is rolling around on the floor in fits of hysterical laughter! What a way
to start the day!
Developing your sense of humor
Ive already told you Ive got nothing to laugh at!
Hold it, Depresso! Anything can be laughed at. In fact, there are no rules
as to what can and cant be laughed at. Dictatorships such as Nazi
Germany in the 30s and 40s actually suppressed comedy because it
offered an opportunity to laugh at the absurdities of the repressive Nazi
regime.
Session Fifteen
Humor
Are you calling me a dictatorship?
Mmm... yes, it appears that I am!
Laugh at yourself
Perfectionists and all-or-nothing thinkers tend to take themselves too

seriously. Start to focus humor on yourself sometimes.
If you expect to do everything right all the time, then you cant afford to
have a sense of humor. But if you can allow yourself the inevitable
mistakes and stupidities we all make on occasion, your self-esteem and
enjoyment of life will improve dramatically.
If someone teases you all the time, it can get wearing. However you
should be able to take and even enjoy a bit of light-hearted teasing. As
some one once said:
All of us, the great and wise, the super fit and beautiful, the gifted and
the clever, we all without exception visit the house of stupid several times
a day. Why not get some enjoyment while you are there?
What makes you laugh?
Start collecting and watching funny videos. Plan to watch one every night.
It doesnt matter what it is. It might be your favourite sitcom or footage of
a favourite stand up comic. Try watching (or listening to audio tapes) of
comedians youve never seen before. Good comedy can teach about a
flexible approach to life, as well as entertaining you. Make this a priority.
You need more laughter in your life.
Hang out with happy people
Who you socialise with has a big impact on your views, well-being and
even physical health, to a much greater extent than we know about
consciously. In one study, a group of students were shown a series of
photographs of very elderly frail looking people. Afterwards, when timed
walking to a designated spot, the students on average walked much more
slowly than they usually did! Hence, we are greatly influenced by the type
of people we associate with and as that study revealed, even seeing
pictures of a certain type produced dramatically different behavior!
Session Fifteen
Humor
So, ensure there are people in your life that you find it fun to be with. You
know - people who lighten the atmosphere and make you feel good about
yourself.
Funny people can inspire you to be funnier. Or, you may bring out the
humor in certain individuals. Others make you feel gloomy and downbeat.
Make it part of your progress to, as much as possible, begin to associate
with fun, enthusiastic and good-natured people.
But they wont want to hang out with me. Im Depresso.
Oh really? So now you know things about people you havent even met
yet? Youll notice I said good natured people. These people would be
insulted to hear you say that they wont help someone who needs a bit of
fun in their life. Let other people make their own decisions Depresso.
Smiling for health
Just changing your facial expression sets off a cascade of physiological

changes. Even fake smiling improves mood. It can also trigger happier
and funnier thoughts.
Funny Memories Exercise

Purpose: To get your brain working in a different way to how Depresso
runs it. To remind you of how to recall good memories instead of just bad
ones. To remind you of your sense of humor, a powerful weapon against
Depresso in case you hadnt noticed, he wants you to take everything
seriously!
Success Indicators: You will enjoy thinking about times that made you
laugh. You will notice that you can glide over things in the present that
used to annoy you. You will notice yourself making more jokes, or thinking
amusing thoughts about things.
Grimace with an angry or tense face for 40 seconds, and see what
thoughts come to mind.
Session Fifteen
Humor
Now smile for 40 seconds and see what thoughts come to mind.
When you smile (even fake smiling) you change your neurohormonal
levels. Blood flow to the brain increases and the production of positive
neurotransmitters is stimulated. So, when you look happier you actually
feel happier! Make a point of smiling in the mornings for five minutes
continuously (privately) and youll start to stimulate feel-good hormones!
Remembering funny times
So often, amusing things happen in life and maybe they tickle us for a
while, maybe even for a few days, but then we forget about them.I want
you to get into the habit of revisiting funny, hysterical and even slightly
amusing times and thoughts in your mind often.
I only like to revisit, as you put it, sad and bad times!
You dont like this session do you Depresso?
In your progress notebook, I want you to write down five things that you
have felt were funny at the time. This may take a little while to get going
as, remember, depression produces a selective negative past, present and
future focus; which means that we only tend to recall the bad/sad times
and to focus less on uplifting and funny times.
However, really focus on this exercise right now. There have been five
times in your life that you laughed. These dont have to be incredibly
funny times just times that were quite amusing at the time. As you write
each of the five memories down, I want you to recall the colours,
atmosphere and even sounds of each time down. Close your eyes if
necessary and really get into each memory!
Do this now.
Session Fifteen
Humor
Over the next couple of weeks I want you to, at the end of each day, write
down just one thing that happened that day that you found amusing. It
could be something you saw on TV, or it could be just a thought you had
about something, or actually something that happened, or something you
heard about.
So, a typical list might include:
A joke I overheard at the mall

When I imagined what would happen if
The way Jimmys teacher looked when he/she thought they were so
professional playing the piano
When I was showing the kids how to make a proper cup of tea and
the milk carton burst in my face
But. I dont think thats funny!
No, these are just made up examples, Depresso. You write down
whatever is funny to you!
In this session, you learned about the importance of humor as far as

flexible thinking is concerned, as well as the way humor can improve your
social life, health and sleep.
Now, I want you to listen to this download. It is designed to encourage

you to laugh more on a day-to-day basis.
Artificially smiling for two minutes reliably improves mood. So relaxing

and being encouraged to feel lighter about life should prove hugely
beneficial for you!
Session Fifteen Summary

In this session, we covered:
The benefits of laughter
How laughter is the enemy of depression
How to tickle your funny bone
To download Relaxed Review Session Fifteen, click here

Session Fifteen
Humor
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
The importance of meaning, goals and purpose
We looked at this a little in the section on Basic Needs, but it is so

important we are going to look into it more now.
We all get our sense of meaning from different things in life. Certainly,
having a status, a recognized role, is important. The fact that we humans
suffer from things like embarrassment, shame and guilt and talk in terms
of being put down or one-up-manship shows that status is important to
us.
Most people experience a rise in blood pressure when they are in the
presence of someone whom they feel is of higher status than they are.
When we talk to people we deem to be of equal or lower status than us,
our blood pressure goes down.
Oh no, I dont feel I have any status or recognised role in

life!
At the moment, Depresso, at the moment. Remember to make

temporary the bad things in life. (Explanatory styles session?)
A sense of status can be fulfilled through: being a parent, mechanic,

doctor, pet owner, brother, athlete, therapist, artist or seen by others as
being very good at something even if thats making people laugh. Thats
still status.
And you dont have to get all your sense of status in the same place!
Being good at making a particular dish gives you high status in that area.
Keeping a tidy garden gives you high status there. And so on for:
swimming well
having the self discipline to walk every day
remembering to call your mother every week
looking after the birds in your garden
presenting neat reports at work
caring about people in trouble
being firm but fair with your kids
being good at negotiating
having an eye for color
being good at DIY
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
doing jobs right first time

and on, and on, and on.
In fact, inhabiting any role that you feel is worthwhile and is recognized by
others helps to fulfill your sense of status and therefore meaning in life.
But there is one hugely important point to make about all of this.
Hugely Important Point: If you think in the way Depresso wants

you to, you can dismiss any and all of these. People who feel more
worthwhile do so because of the way they think about their abilities,
not because of what their abilities actually are.
Depresso can suck the meaning out of anything but just because
his logic feels right at the time, doesnt make it so. Refuse to listen
to Depresso with his unintelligent, one-dimensional interpretations.
Put time and effort into changing your thinking styles as illustrated
earlier in the program and status and meaning will flow back into
your life.
But all these things are just empty, devoid of meaning, part
of the human charade!
You see what I mean? As if a statement like that is an intelligent

interpretation of everything we have talked about above. Its not, its
simply lazy Depresso.
Helping others is great for depression
Research shows that helping others vastly improves our own contentment.
Helping others also gives you a status in life. The benefits of regularly
helping others also include:
Improved mood and well-being

Reduced excessive self-centeredness, social isolation and
preoccupation with ones own health problems and concerns
Improved immune function, meaning you get ill less often
A better social life
An increased sense of purpose
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
Of course, you can get burned out by spending too much time caring for
others. However, think about the possibility of doing regular charity work
or just help an elderly neighbor or a friend. They get the benefit of your
company and assistance and you get the kind of health benefits already
described. Its a fair transaction.
Dont underestimate the importance of status in your life. You dont have
to be a millionaire or a brain surgeon to be recognized and valued by
others and by yourself. This is what people are really talking about when
they talk about self esteem. (You can read the truth about self esteem
here.)
Purpose and goals
Goals provide meaning in life.
The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this:
Decide what you want.
Ben Stein
Ben Stein is emphasising the importance of goals here. But I would go a

little further: To decide what you want, keep trying things until you
discover something that really rings your bell!
Whats the point in anything? My life has no meaning. No

one would miss me if I werent here...
And other such clichs, Depresso!
People with a strong sense of purpose tend to show great resilience. If

you feel you are really working towards things in life that are important to
you and others, then when you keep going whatever the odds, you show
strength of character and problems become challenges.
People who are actively religious live longer and have healthier immune
systems. However, this health advantage can come from any strong sense
of meaning in life.
True Story
Dr. Milton Erickson is now recognized as one of the most inspiring and
inspiration psychiatrists of the 20th century. He helped countless people
extend their limits, overcome difficulties and achieve things they hadnt
thought possible. Yet, his start in life was fraught with struggles.
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
Erickson was dyslexic, tone deaf and colour blind and suffered polio twice
during his life. Despite these drawbacks, he eventually attained his
medical degree at the Colorado General Hospital. He described the unique
way he did therapy as helping patients extend their limits. He spent his
own life doing just the same.
Paralysed by polio
When he was first stricken with polio at the age of seventeen he laid
paralysed for an entire year. He was informed that he would never walk
again. After spending many hours concentrating on achieving a flicker of
movement in the muscles of his legs, he was up on crutches within a year.
He even managed to obtain and hold a sit-down job in a cannery to help
finance his way into the University of Wisconsin.
Destined to help others
He always believed in his life and that he was destined to help others one
day. After his polio attack, he decided that a summer-long canoe trip
would provide the appropriate exercise, so Erickson set out in June in a
17-foot canoe. He did not have the strength in his legs to pull his canoe
out of the water and he could swim only a few feet. His supplies for his
summer's voyage consisted of a small sack of beans, another of rice, and
a few cooking utensils. He had just $2.32.
With these provisions, he spent from June until September that year
travelling down the Yahara River. He foraged for his food along the way by
eating what fish he could catch, finding edible plants on the riverbanks
when he camped at night, and harvesting crops from the Mississippi river.
Sheer brute determination
By the end of the summer, he had travelled a distance of 1,200 miles with
almost no supplies or money, without sufficient strength in his legs to
carry his canoe over the dams that blocked his way, and so physically
weak when he began that he could hardly paddle a few miles downstream
without getting overtired.
Transformation
At the end of his summer journey, Erickson had certainly extended his
own limits. When he returned, this polio victim who would never walk
again had increased his chest measurement by six inches. He could now
swim a mile, and he could paddle upstream against a four-mile current
from dawn to dark. He could also carry his own canoe over a dam!
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
The 17-year-old Dr. Erickson was so resilient because he had such

purpose. Nothing was going to stop him achieving what he had set out to
do. He was determined!
Inspiration
We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing.

Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.
Frank Tibolt
We humans love rewards. We like to feel good for doing something.

However, the reward of feeling satisfied usually comes after the action of
making yourself do something you didnt want to do.
How do you make your decisions?
Making decisions based on whether they are comfortable and safe, rather
than whether they take you towards your goal, is not part of a winning
strategy.
Depresso likes to play it safe and to keep well with in his comfort zone.
Dont you, Depresso?
Mmm... I suppose...
Dreaming Out Loud Exercise

Think about any things youd like to do (absolutely anything at all) but
were previously too afraid or too lethargic to start. Just write them down
in your progress notebook here.
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
These could be things like starting a new career or course, getting fit, or
learning a musical instrument. Maybe you want to travel or go into
property development. Whatever your plans, take the one you feel is the
most readily achievable and write it as a header clearly in your notebook.
Ok...
Stepping stones to success
Fantasies are great. Someone once said that life is what happens while we
are making other plans.
We can spend lifetimes imagining how wed like things to be and this level
of fantasy can motivate us. But (and its a big but), we also need a
strategy to help us actually achieve goals. We dont want fantasy to
replace action.
We need to know what steps to take to get us to where we want to be.

This means breaking down your aspirations into achievable steps or mini
goals.
Example
Goal: To run a marathon
Achievable steps:
1. Write in my diary on what date I need to apply to enter

2. Apply to enter
3. Book time off from work for the marathon and the day after
4. Buy pair of running shoes
5. Start to watch my diet
6. Join a running club
7. Put time aside in my diary for running sessions
8. Keep running and also attend the gym twice a week
9. Run marathon
Expected end result: Fun of running a marathon, satisfaction, self

respect, future expectation of future marathons, vastly improved level of
physical fitness, health benefits, better sleep, possible unseen spin-off
opportunities.
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
Writing down the actual steps that carry you towards your dream does
two things:
First: It gives you an indication as to how achievable your goal really is.
(I did this exercise with a client once who wrote down winning the lottery
as one of the steps).
Second: It gives you a road map to follow. So write down the steps, in
order, which you can take to get closer to your goal.
Remember, the steps should be practical ones, not ones based on chance
or luck! And, dont listen to Depresso, as hell try and convince you why
you cant do things.
Steps to Success Exercise

Purpose: One of Depressos most effective tricks is to stop you planning
things, even small things such as washing the car. Without at least a small
plan (such as Im going to make this car really shine), you cant feel
satisfied that you have achieved your goal once its done. On a larger
scale, almost anything can feel overwhelming until you break it down into
smaller chunks. This exercise will give you practice.
Success Indicators: You will get more satisfaction from small tasks
because you will automatically imagine your desired result beforehand.
You will being to achieve more because you refuse to let Depresso make
you feel overwhelmed by stopping you breaking tasks down into chunks.
You will improve your confidence and self esteem because you are getting
on with things.
Write down the steps now in your notebook!
Now, we are aiming to make your goals more compelling for you so that
you get moving on them. One way of doing this is to really get your
imagination involved. Before you relax to the next download, memorize,
as far as possible, your list of steps. I want you to really get them in your
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
head. You dont have to recall them exactly, as long as you have a strong
general sense of the sequence of steps you need to take.
Take a look again in your notebook, if you need to, so that you can be
sure of the general sequence.
Extract More Satisfaction

We have noticed in our practice that Depresso often stops people doing
even the smallest amount of planning heres what I mean:
If I am going to wash my car, I think That cars dirty. It will look so much
better when its done and I will stop feeling bad that I havent washed it.
Ill need a bucket of hot water, soap and the hose.
This simple step sets up a pattern in my brain that now requires to be

completed. So off I go and wash the car.
And when it is done, because I have completed that pattern I created

earlier, I get a feeling of satisfaction and this is most likely caused by a
release of dopamine in my brain my bodys way of rewarding me.
If I had simply jumped in an done the task willy-nilly without any planning
and so had failed to set up a pattern (and most likely not completed the
task so effectively), I would have been less likely to get that feeling of
satisfaction.
This is why you must plan; even the tiniest tasks.
Maximizing Satisfaction Exercise
Purpose: To remind you to use your brain in a way that maximizes the
pleasure and satisfaction you get from completing small tasks. To stop
Depresso removing the enjoyment from everything.
Success Indicators: You will begin to feel more motivated to undertake

small jobs that have been needing done for ages. You will begin to notice
that completing practical tasks can be remarkably enjoyable.
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
Try it yourself:
The next time you have something to do, take a moment to plan it first.
Here are some example:
If you have to go food shopping, make a complete list first. Take a

moment to think through everything you might need. Even look up
a new recipe or two and get ingredients to buy. Think about how
interesting it will be to make a new meal. When you have got
everything on the list and put it all in the cupboards, throw the list
in the trash. Job done!
If you have to mow the lawn, think through the steps first get out
the mower, check the fuel if its a petrol mower, start at the right
place, finish by trimming the edges. It will look great. Think through
it first, then do it.
If you have to vaccum the house, do the same as the lawn mowing
task (except use the vacuum cleaner its easier on the carpets ;-)
If you have to walk the dog, think through it beforehand Ill walk
the dog that route, and after Ill have had some exercise, the dog
will enjoy it and be more tired afterwards and will leave me alone.
Youre getting the message I guess. The main point is, you can extract
enjoyment and satisfaction from all sorts of mundane activities if you
apply a little (and I do mean a little) thought.
All people need to be happy in life is something to be enthusiastic about.

Albert Einstein
Session Sixteen Summary

In this session we covered:
The importance of meaning and goals
How Depressos all or nothing thinking makes things meaningless
How to create more meaning in your life
Session Sixteen
Goal Setting
OK, so now its onto this sessions Relaxed Review
To download Relaxed Review Session Sixteen, click here

Session Seventeen
Motivation
Session Seventeen
Motivation
Your life ahead - keeping motivated
Risk points
This is not the end of this program. The Uncommon Knowledge

Depression Program is here for you to make part of your life a habit in
fact. To achieve this, you need to:
refer to it regularly
re-use the Relaxed Reviews
review sections when you start to forget them (as you surely will at
some point)
For long-lasting, optimal results, I strongly encourage you to keep using

the program and the Relaxed Reviews. This may seem like effort at first
but will soon start to feel like second nature, if it hasnt already.
In this final session I go over some of the main things from the Program
that you need to do to feel better more of the time. You can use it as a
quick reference guide to remind you of the Programs key points.
Ways to feel better
1. Relax. Seek out calmness whenever possible: Relax to your

Relaxed Reviews, meditate, do yoga, spend time with calming
people, listen to relaxing music. Make time for relaxation, as its a
powerful antidepressant.
2. Think about your basic needs. Get familiar with them. Just
knowing what they are gives you a tremendous tool. If you feel less
than great, you can link it to a basic need not being met and make
moves to fix it.
3. Understand pattern matching. Once you truly understand the

principle of pattern matching, then all kinds of weird behavior in
yourself and others will start to make sense. Pattern matching
explains why we become anxious around certain things, how we
become addicted to certain things and why certain people make us
feel a certain way.
Session Seventeen
Motivation
4. Watch your thinking styles. Watch for all-or-nothing thinking.

Are you over-generalising the negative and minimising the positive?
Do you attribute permanency to bad things, but see good things as
short-lived and fragile? Do you tend to exclusively blame yourself
when things go wrong, but fail to take credit for when they go
right? How do you interpret the events in your life? Look for
patterns and write them down. Then look for alternative non-
depressing explanations. This will help you be more creative and
make you feel better!
5. Observe yourself without getting emotional. Watch yourself more

objectively (regular relaxation will help with this). Get to know your
moods and start to see what helps you change a mood you dont
like. Self-knowledge comes from watching your moods over time.
Watch for perfectionism, defeatism and unwarranted self-blame.
Once you see these biases operating, you can distance yourself
from them.
6. Do things you enjoy: If youve been depressed, it may take a

while to start enjoying activities again. This is because serotonin
would have been reduced through over-dreaming. Serotonin partly
has to do with how much satisfaction you feel. However, making
your self do enjoyable activities will eventually make you feel better
as it will raise your serotonin level. So put happiness and pleasure
at the top of your to do list.
7. Plan for pleasure: Your daily mood has more to do with the
number of small satisfactions you experience (rather than lifes
biggies such as divorce, job loss, etc.). Notice small opportunities
to have a good time and actively engage in them. Take a walk,
admire a sunset, watch a funny movie, get a massage, go to a
concert, or cook a lovely meal. Socialise with people who make you
feel good. The more you can enjoy life, the more good you can
potentially do others.
8. A busy brain is a healthy brain. Research shows that depressed

people have less activity in the left hemisphere of their brain than
the right, which is very active during depression. This is why it can
be hard to be logical, focus and complete sequences when we are
depressed.
Doing activities which engage the left hemisphere will improve your
mood. The left side has more to do with logic and reasoning. Learn
a new language, do cross word puzzles, watch an uplifting
documentary, read interesting books. The rule with your brain (like
your body) is: Use it or lose it!
Session Seventeen
Motivation
9. Do Exercise. Not feeling like doing something is often a sign that

you really need to do it. Consider these benefits again: Over one
thousand pieces of research have shown regular exercise to be an
effective antidepressant. Dont you think thats worth acting on?
Exercise is wonderful for stress. Why? Because physical activity is

the final phase of the stress response. If we get stressed but dont
exercise, the hormones, glucose, and fats released into the
bloodstream (in response to stress) are never dissipated. Regular
exercise provides a replacement to fighting or fleeing and so
restores your bodys natural balance. People who exercise regularly
have fewer physical changes when they encounter lifes stresses.
Exercise is a diversion for your mind and can divert your focus away
from daily concerns.
Exercise boosts your immune system, lessening your chances of

getting ill!
Exercise is a great mood-enhancer. When youre active, your brain

releases natural opiates (endorphins), which produce calmness and
a happier state. Blood levels of noradrenaline are also increased
which may help cure depression.
Exercise can improve memory and some research even suggests it

can raise our IQ! Regular activity minimises mental and physical
deterioration as we age, which means you stay younger for longer!
Exercise can raise self-esteem and give you a better body image. It
can give you an increasing sense of self-mastery as you overcome
physical limitations.
Regular exercise with others can meet your need for attention,
connection to others and even intimacy.
I think I have made my point ;-)
10.Get outside! While exercising regularly and eating healthily will

certainly improve your mental health, another important nutriment
is high intensity light. Some people seem to need more light than
others, but natural sunlight is a mood-improver for us all. Even
being outside for an hour on a very cloudy day gives your eyes
enough sunlight to significantly improve mood centres in your
brain. Being outside during the day can also encourage slow wave
sleep at night. Exercise outside and you get the mood enhancement
from sunlight and exercise!
11.Be kind to others. Research tells us that helping others helps you.
Help people out. Listen to their concerns. Focussing on other people
can put your own concerns in perspective and also help you make
friends.
Session Seventeen
Motivation
12.Socialise with people you like. Sounds obvious, but I have met
many people who stay with friends they dont particularly like just
because they are used to them! Think about the effect that the
people you see have on you. Choose people who are up-beat and
positive, as we often become like the people we are with.
13.Give sincere compliments. If you find something to admire or

like about someone, tell them. People love to be appreciated!
Remember to be specific. So, rather than just saying: You are a
wonderful person! which is a little overwhelming and rather
meaningless, say exactly what it is you like: You know the way you
handled those people on the seminar last week was so friendly but
clear. I love that you are so good with people!
14.Take control. Behaving helplessly in the face of depression is

exactly what Depresso wants. Use the knowledge you have gained
through this program to change the way you feel, act and live.
A sense of control is so important. By doing this program, you are

taking control. Organise your diary, finances, social life. Get things
to work for you. If you can afford it, think about hiring the services
of a personal coach or just get help from a friend who is particularly
good at organising.
15.Purpose and meaning. What does, or potentially can, add

meaning to your life? What did you used to do that made you feel
good? What values do you have? Remember the saying: Treat
others in a way worthy of you not just what is worthy of them!
Whats important to you (or can be in the future)?
16.Plan for setbacks. In any worthwhile endeavour, things dont go

right 100% of the time. We all have off days and set backs. Dont
catastrophize. You now have skills that will enable you to pull
yourself back from feeling bad. List ways youll help yourself, should
you start feeling a little down again.
Session Seventeen
Motivation
Overview Exercise
Purpose: Learning how to keep Depresso away cannot be learned

overnight, and you will most likely want to go back and review different
elements of the Program. Completing this exercise first will help you
remember the things that really made a difference so that you can remind
yourself of them later. In time, this exercise will help you memorize the
parts of the Program that helped you the most, and so make them into
habits.
Success Indicators: You will be able to remember clearly and quickly the
main points from the Program and use them against Depresso whenever
you need to, without having to refer back to the Program. Your confidence
in your ability to stay out of depression will grow and grow.
Without thinking about it too much, quickly write in your notebook how
this program has helped you and the main things you have learned. Do
this now. The second time you do the program you will learn more, and
this part of your notebook will grow and grow.
Good, and now its time to relax once more, put your thoughts on hold
and enjoying feeling good.
To download Relaxed Review Session Seventeen, click here

Quick Step Guide to Practical Exercises

This Quick Step Guide is an index to all the practical exercises in the
Uncommon Knowledge Depression Program. Once you have been through
the program once, you can refer to it to remind yourself of the tasks we
have asked you to do.
For each exercise you will see Purpose: - this lets you know the reason I
have asked you to do it and Success Indicators: - these are what let
you know you have successfully completed the exercise and so can stop
doing it!
Understanding Depression Test

Purpose: To ensure you understand how depression works. This enables
you to understand what is happening to you and why you feel the way you
do. Once you have this knowledge, it becomes much, much easier to
know what you have to do to beat depression.
Success Indicators: You will score well when you look at the answers!
You will also know what I mean when I refer to how depression works
during the Program itself.

Purpose: In order to break down the all-or-nothing thinking of Depresso
(Its all terrible or Its all perfect), you need to start noticing changes
in the way you feel. Since you have completed the Learning Path and
progressed to the Depression Program, you found something helpful.
Noting this will help you continue your progression.
Success Indicators: You will actually have something concrete written in

your Progress Notebook that you can refer back to.
Future Improvement Indicators

Purpose: To get you thinking about how things will be when depression
starts to lift. This is a key stage in having your brain focus on things other
than Depressos ideas.
Success Indicators: You will have definite improvement indicators

written in your Progress Notebook and, perhaps more importantly, you
will have them at the front of your mind from day to day.

Purpose: To help you be more realistic and less all or nothing about the
things you achieve as you beat depression.
Success Indicators: You will begin to be able to give yourself credit and
feel satisfaction at the small tasks you complete, such as those within the
Program. This is in contrast to listening to Depresso making all or nothing
comments such as, Yeah but its hardly climbing Mount Everest is it? or
Normal people can do this, why cant you?
Basic Needs Plan

Purpose: To help you see the importance of basic needs and get you to
begin planning to meet more of them in your day-to-day life.
Success Indicators: If you start to feel worse, you may be able to tie it
back to meeting fewer basic needs. You will also know what to do should
you begin to feel depressed again in the future.
7:11 Breathing Practice

Purpose: To give you the skills and confidence to bring down anxiety
levels whenever you need to
Success Indicators: You will feel less at the mercy of anxiety and will
automatically begin using the 7:11 breathing technique whenever you
need to feel more relaxed.
Control Exercise
Purpose: To help you identify if you have problems determining realistic
levels of control or influence, and if you do, to be more flexible in your
interpretations.
Success Indicators: You may start exerting personal influence in

situations where you previously felt helpless, or conversely you may let
things be at times when before you felt you should be able to affect the
outcome. Generally, you should be more subtle in your assessment of how
much you can control in any situation, and Depresso will get less of a
chance to do his all or nothing thinking. This will have the effect of
greatly reducing your emotional arousal, such as anxiety or anger.
Control Examples
Purpose: To make the learnings from this section real. For this Program
to be effective, the exercises must come off the page and integrate with
the way you do things in real life. This exercise will help that happen.
Success Indicators: You will start noticing more how control issues pop
up all over the place, and how much easier life is when you can quickly
and accurately decide whether to exert influence or not.
Problem List
Purpose: Problems can only feel overwhelming when you fail to break
them down into solvable steps. This exercise is the first step to gaining
control over problems so Depresso cant use them to add fuel to his fire.
Success Indicators: Whenever you start thinking about a problem,

instead of feeling anxious or overwhelmed, you will simply add it to your
problem list. You will start to feel more in control of your life, and feel
more optimistic about the possibility of solving the problems that have
been plaguing you.
Flexible Thinking
Purpose: To enable you to spot all or nothing thoughts quickly, before
they get a foothold and to give you practice in forming more flexible
interpretations.
Success Indicators: You will begin to automatically reject all or nothing

thoughts and replace them with more realistic ones. You will notice how
this enables you to think about potentially stressful topics much more
calmly.
Alternative Explanations
Purpose: A huge part of getting out of depression is lowering your
general emotional arousal levels. This exercise will help you practice
generating multiple explanations for events, which when applied will stop
all or nothing interpretations making you anxious or angry.
Success Indicators: You will notice that you no longer accept Depressos
extremist views without question. You will be able to say Wait a minute,
thats not necessarily true and go on to generate multiple possible
explanations for events. The result of this will be that you are calmer
more of the time.
Anti-Catastrophizing Exercise
Purpose: One of the ways Depresso keeps you hostage is by scaring you
with imagined outcomes of imagined scenarios. You can take the wind out
of his sails by looking seriously at these outcomes and planning for them,
rather than trying to ignore them and so feeling more anxious.
Success Indicators: You will begin to feel more in control of your own
thoughts and imagination. You will be able to refuse to use your
imagination to scare yourself and will be more realistic about the likely
outcome of events and their true impact.
At Least Practice
Purpose: This will add to your ability to be flexible in your thought
patterns and so gain control over Depressos theres only one answer to
anything approach.
Success Indicators: Unpleasant events will get you down less. You will
bounce back quicker and even be able to help others minimize the impact
on themselves. You will begin to see that true catastrophies rarely
happen.
Limit Setting Exercise

Purpose: In case this is a problem for you, a safe introduction to the
idea of setting limits.
Success Indicators: You will know why it is important to set limits, the
sort of situations that require it, and how to go about it.
Discovering Good Qualities

Purpose: Part of building satisfying relationships is knowing what you
bring to the table and being confident about your own unique qualities.
This will also help you challenge such nonsense from Depresso as Youre
completely useless.
Success Indicators: You will stop accepting all or nothing statements

from Depresso like the one above, and you will be able to think about
yourself in terms of your qualities. This doesnt mean thinking you are
fantastic (that would be all or nothing ;-), it just means accepting there
are things you can do, and certain qualities you possess.
Insomnia Monitor
Purpose: To dispel one of the biggest myths of insomnia that you get
no sleep at all. This will lead to you becoming less stressed about sleep
and so improve the chances of sleeping better.
Success Indicators: You will have a more realistic (and less extreme)
idea of how much you sleep.
Activity Monitor
Purpose: To keep track of how much physical exercise you are doing and
so enable to you increase it and enjoy the depression-lifting effects.
Success Indicators: You will have a history of your activity in your

Progress Notebook and will have realised how much sustained increased
exercise can improve your energy levels, sleep quality and mood stability.
If you used the motivation reward scheme, you will have more CDs or
DVDs in your collection!
Funny Memories Exercise

Purpose: To get your brain working in a different way to how Depresso
runs it. To remind you of how to recall good memories instead of just bad
ones. To remind you of your sense of humor, a powerful weapon against
Depresso in case you hadnt noticed, he wants you to take everything
seriously!
Success Indicators: You will enjoy thinking about times that made you
laugh. You will notice that you can glide over things in the present that
used to annoy you. You will notice yourself making more jokes, or thinking
amusing thoughts about things.
Steps to Success
Purpose: One of Depressos most effective tricks is to stop you planning
things, even small things such as washing the car. Without at least a small
plan (such as Im going to make this car really shine), you cant feel
satisfied that you have achieved your goal once its done. On a larger
scale, almost anything can feel overwhelming until you break it down into
smaller chunks. This exercise will give you practice.
Success Indicators: You will get more satisfaction from small tasks
because you will automatically imagine your desired result beforehand.
You will being to achieve more because you refuse to let Depresso make
you feel overwhelmed by stopping you breaking tasks down into chunks.
You will improve your confidence and self esteem because you are getting
on with things.
Maximizing Satisfaction Exercise

Purpose: To remind you to use your brain in a way that maximizes the
pleasure and satisfaction you get from completing small tasks. To stop
Depresso removing the enjoyment from everything.
Success Indicators: You will begin to feel more motivated to undertake

small jobs that have been needing done for ages. You will begin to notice
that completing practical tasks can be remarkably enjoyable.
Overview Exercise
Purpose: Learning how to keep Depresso away cannot be learned
overnight, and you will most likely want to go back and review different
elements of the Program. Completing this exercise first will help you
remember the things that really made a difference so that you can remind
yourself of them later. In time, this exercise will help you memorize the
parts of the Program that helped you the most, and so make them into
habits.
Success Indicators: You will be able to remember clearly and quickly the
main points from the Program and use them against Depresso whenever
you need to, without having to refer back to the Program. Your confidence
in your ability to stay out of depression will grow and grow.
Answers Section
Answers Section
Depression Test
Question One: Signs of Depression include:
1. Exhaustion on waking
2. Disrupted sleep, sometimes through upsetting dreams
3. Early morning waking and difficulty getting back to sleep
4. Doing less of what they used to enjoy
5. Difficulty concentrating during the day
6. Improved energy as the day goes on
7. Anxious worrying and intrusive upsetting thoughts
8. Becoming emotional or upset for no particular reason
9. Shortness of temper, or irritability
Question Two: Most depressions are not caused by a chemical

imbalance.
True. Low serotonin levels are a consequence, not a cause of most

depression. There is 10 times more major depression in people born
after 1945 than in those born before. This clearly shows that the root
cause of most depression is not a chemical imbalance. Human genes
do not change that fast.
Question three: Changes in society since the end of WWII that

may account for the huge increase in depression include:
1. A breakdown in the extended family

2. A dispersal of communities leading to less support
3. An increased focus on material wealth
4. An overwhelming prevalence of news media
5. An increased focus on 'the self' over the wider community
Question Four. You are likely to wake in the morning feeling

exhausted because when you ruminate, or introspect in a negative
way, you create emotional arousal that causes the release of
stress hormones.
That night, in REM (dream sleep), you become emotionally aroused again
as dreaming 'flushes out' the emotional arousal from your brain. That is
why depressed people have higher levels of stress hormones, and also
why you can wake up feeling exhausted. Over-worrying or negative
rumination makes you dream more (depressed people dream up to three
times more than normal). During dreaming, also called REM sleep
Answers Section
something called your orientation response becomes exhausted and

serotonin production stops entirely in REM sleep. (Your orientation
response is what allows you to switch your focus of attention from one
thing to another. If it is exhausted you are less able to motivate yourself.)
So, after a night of over-dreaming (even if you dont remember your
dreams) youll wake up with much lower levels of serotonin than normal.
Daytime activity raises serotonin levels, making you feel better as the day
progresses.
Question Five: When you are stressed, your brain works

differently.
You are more likely to resort to 'All-or-nothing' thinking, which causes

catastrophizing, perfectionism and difficulties in solving complex
problems.
In turn, this creates more arousal, or stress, and so continues the 'loop',
increasing the amount you dream, and so exhausting you.
Click here to return to the Depression Test
Here are some example answers to help get your creative juices flowing
I have noticed that since absorbing the information from the

learning path I have felt less threatened by depression because now
I understand it so much better.
I have been able to help others who had been depressed by

explaining to them simple facts about depression.
I can now see a pattern for how depression can actually lift. This
has given me a tremendous amount of hope for the future.
Things I was tempted to stop doing, because of feeling so low, I

have decided continue. Since learning how important exercise is in
keeping up serotonin levels Ive kept on going to the gym. Ive even
stopped doing some of the stuff that was making me feel bad such
as assuming, without evidence, that Ive done something wrong.
The path has helped me to see that my behavior was a pattern.

And my perception has been an interpretation of reality and not a
reflection of it. This has given me more detachment as far as the
depression is concerned and also calmed me down around it.
Answers Section
I feel strengthened by the fact that depression isnt some genetic

disorder or biological disease.
I also feel better because its clear that what I have been suffering
from is very common and there are many others out there in the
same boat.
Return to Program
Improvement Indicators
Sample answers
Ill know when Im feeling better because Ill start having more
energy again. Not only will I wake up with more energy but Ill
feeling like playing sports again.
'Ill start to see the funny side to things once again. I know my
sense of humor is in there somewhere!
I will also start thinking about going back to work again. Ill be able
to do this because Ill have more energy and will be calmer. This
will also improve my financial situation and therefore Ill feel more
relaxed about my situation generally.
I will be able to spend more time with and give more attention to
my partner. This will make us both happier.
Come to think of it Ill be able to direct more attention to my

friends. Ill be more relaxed (and more fun to be around).
Ill be able to actually get enjoyment from stuff I used to enjoy

such as watching old movies.
I will get my appetite back and start enjoying my food again!
Return to Program
Answers Section
Sample answers
I am now being less all or nothing about my achievements

(thanks to the learning path). I no longer refuse to see so called
small achievements as totally insignificant.
I have started getting out of bed before 9.00 am. This cuts down
on any extra energy draining over-dreaming I may be doing if I fall
back asleep again.
I am now leaning to relax to lower the levels of cortisol in my blood

stream to make me more relaxed generally.
I reassured a friend today about something that had been

bothering them.
I have actually come a long way when I think back to how I was x
years ago!
I cooked a meal last night.
I have at last written that letter I had been putting off!
I am now walking a mile everyday, Ive met new people because of

it, and my dog loves it!
I managed to just relax last night without putting too many

demands on myself.
Return to Program
Control Exercise
The important thing here is to get flexible with your thinking. There will
be areas of your life where you are genuinely underestimating the amount
of influence and control you have.
You can possibly influence the mood of your partner or friend (possibly)
but you cannot control it-nor should you! I have heard people say things
like: Oh I hope he/she is in a good mood today! And Ive heard other
people say: Relax he/she will be Ill cheer them up. Wow! What two
different attitudes! One assumes they themselves have no influence and
the other feels they have control of the situation. The truth is often
somewhere in the middle.
However in any situation there is always something you can do. Even if
that is just seeing things a different way (re-framing) or calming down.
Answers Section
Some people assume that there moods are in charge completely and all of
the time. They really think there is nothing they can do to alter their own
mood! We know that having a positive intention to act, coming to a
decision, engaging in exercise, doing relaxed breathing, eating nutritious
food when you need to eat all reliably change mood. Many people
passively hope their mood will improve. There is always something you
can do!
Return to Program
Listing Problems
Depression thrives on worries as you know. However you can do the

following:
What exactly am I worrying about?

What can I do about what I am worrying about?
A) Nothing: Ok then I will learn to relax around what it was I had been
worrying about.
B) Something: Ok I will write down steps I can take to solve the
problem.
Now you can see that A, is not really nothing because when you calm
down around a worry that is doing something!
One way of defining a problem is as something that you can solve. If you
really cant solve it-perhaps because it is about something in the distant
past or future, then theres not a real problem to solve anyway. The only
problem is the way you are using your imagination.
So if Im worrying about why the boss has asked to see me on Monday

morning. What can I do? Well I might be able to: Ask him or her what its
concerning. But what if I cant do this and Im worried, what can I do
then? Well I can still do something. I can write down all the possible
reasons why the boss might want to see me that I can possibly imagine.
For example maybe they want to fire me, maybe they want to give me a
pay rise, maybe they want to talk about a specific incident or project,
maybe they want to declare their undying love for me or maybe they want
to talk about someone else. Who knows! Then I can score each one out of
ten. Ten being the most likely and 0 being the least likely. Then I can see
which of my predictions most closely resembles reality. This may seem
pointless but what it means it that you are doing something. You are
taking some sense of control back. Sometimes people do something by
deciding that they cant do anything and forgetting about it. This is a skill
in itself.
Return to Program
Answers Section
Flexible Thinking
Ive put together some of my thoughts in answer to these flexible thinking

questions. I wonder how similar it is to your answers.
1. Can an intelligent person still do stupid things sometimes?
Of course, we all visit planet stupid many times a day no matter

who we are. Do you think Einstein never did or said anything
stupid?
2. Can I fail at things, but still gain something from trying?
Yes and this is so important to really digest. If I spend a year

learning Spanish and fail to get a high grade in my final exam I can
still converse better with a Spaniard than if Id never studied it! The
same is true even if I fail the exam.
3. Can I occasionally scream at my kids, but still generally be a good

parent?
Yes definitely. Im human. Basically I want the best for my kids. But
anyones stress level can spill over sometimes. My kids are great
but they can be very demanding sometimes.
4. Can partners have intense rows sometimes but still love one
another very much?
Yes, having rows and getting upset is actually a sign that you care
very much. And there can be lots of good times between rows.
Relationship research has shown that fiery relationships can last
just as well as calm ones, as long as both partners are basically
respectful and both are getting their needs met.
5. Is there more than one kind of intelligence?
Yes - many. Although our culture has evolved to value one narrow
form of intelligence, there are many more that are arguably more
valuable. (See Wise Up for more). Ive known people who couldnt
do a math equation to save their life but who can cook like an
angel. Some people couldnt fix a car but know how to make others
laugh and vice-versa.
Answers Section
6. Is it possible to be a total failure?
No I dont think so. Peoples experience may not match up to what

they had hoped for themselves but this may because their
imagination had inflexibly dictated how they should be. To be a
total failure you would have to fail at everything. Which means
youd never have done anything right at all. And despite Depressos
thinking that this can be true, it cant, it is simply an example of
extremist all or nothing thinking.
7. Can my child sometimes disobey me and still be a basically good

kid?
Yes. I may have a very narrow idea of what a good kid means. My
child also needs to learn independence and personal strength. Also
sometimes I may be wrong - maybe my kid can even let me know
that sometimes.
8. Can a person let me down and be forgiven?
Within reason. I am not perfect and part of being a friend is making

allowances for others imperfections. I can think of times when Ive
let others down and I appreciate theyve made allowances for me.
If, most of the time, they dont let me down then they are a friend.
9. Can I do a bad thing, but still be a good person?
If my intentions are generally good then yes. I guess a really bad

person wouldnt even worry about or consider whether they were a
bad person or not.
10.Can something that is generally seen as a bad thing to do, on

occasion be the right thing to do?
Yes I think so because life is rarely simplistically black or white. If I

knock someone to the ground that may be bad but what if I am
knocking them out of the way of a fast approaching juggernaut?
Being honest with someone may be seen as rude but what if its
just what they need because what youve said is true. That
rudeness may lead to good things.
Return to Program
Answers Section
Alternative Explanations Exercise
Scenario 1
Sues boss could be i) offering her a promotion ii) discussing a project iii)
asking her opinion on something, or one of an endless number of things.
Rather than reacting to the moment, she needs to think about past times
when her boss has complimented her to remind herself that she is valued.
Sue also needs to ensure she gets control of her imagination so she
doesnt repeatedly imagine getting fired, which would raise her anxiety
levels. She could distract herself, or deliberately imagine getting a raise or
a promotion. She could even imagine getting reprimanded and staying
calm, talking to her boss about it until she makes it clear that whatever
she has been accused of is wrong.
Scenario 2
1) Judy could have assumed that Kay didnt need an invite because she is
her best friend
2) Judy could have asked someone else to give it the invite to Kay
3) Judy might have made a mistake and thought Kay was away at the
time
As with so many ambiguous situations such as this, there is only one way
to solve the problem speak to the other person. In this case, getting the
truth can hardly be worse than the imagination. And the time to do it (as
almost always with these things) is right away! The longer you leave it,
the harder it gets. If Judy found this sort of thing hard, she could write out
a script for herself to read when she called her friend to ensure she didnt
get angry or upset.
Scenario 3
Of course, Rick and John could have been laughing at anything at all, but
because James felt self-conscious, he will have felt anxious which would
have made it difficult for him to forget the idea.
He could have gone over to them, smiled because they were laughing and
asked them what they were laughing at, in a joining in kind of way. He
could also have thought Even if they were laughing at me, so what? They
asked me to sit with them, so I will.
He then globalized the experience to no-one ever likes me an awful

result from probably-innocent beginnings.
Answers Section
Scenario 4
The most likely scenario is that Dave is embarrassed to be speaking to a

girl and this is even more likely if he is attracted to her! So in fact, its a
good sign for Kathy.
If she asked a friend about it, she would probably be told this, and that
many guys really need a clear signal to understand that a girl is interested
in them! Plus, the idea that he doesnt like her because she is short
doesnt hold up as many guys go out with girls much shorter than them
in fact some guys wont even consider going out with a taller woman!
Scenario 5
Geoff needs to be thinking more long-term here; his history with the
company is what is important. In fact, his bosss sympathy for his
situation may make it less likely for him to get made redundant. It is also
important that Geoff realises that people get made redundant and go on
to new more enjoyable work elsewhere.
Scenario 6
Linda is using a stable explanation for something that will not actually last
that long. She is assuming that her current state of well-being will last
until the baby is born. Of course if she did some research, she would
discover that pregnancy does not normally progress like that, and she is
likely to experience an increase in energy levels as pregnancy continues,
and even super-high energy levels just before the birth.
She also needs to think about the support that she has from her husband,
family and friends, and perhaps consider the idea that for the time being,
she can allow herself to be looked after. Although it may be difficult to
keep this in mind all the time, when she starts to worry, she can
deliberately remind herself of it.
Return to Program
Index of Relaxed Reviews
Index of Relaxed Reviews

Click here to go to the Relaxed Review Download Area
Relaxed Review
Session
(click number to jump
to Relaxed Review)
1 Understanding depression
2 Basic Needs
3 Overcoming Anxiety
4 Control & Influence
5 Problem Solving
6 Explanatory Styles
7 Flexible Thinking
8 Catastrophizing
9 Relationships
10 Communication
11 Socializing
12 Sleep
13 Nutrition & Diet
14 Exercise
15 Humor
16 Goal Setting
17 Motivation
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Mark Tyrrell is well known in the UK for his exciting

His original background in engineering has

Uncommon Knowledge reaches over 1 million

Working as therapists in Brighton, England, Mark, Roger and others in the

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We thank you for choosing the Uncommon Knowledge Depression

Mark Tyrrell & Roger Elliott

The Depression Program contains features to make it easier to use. This

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To search the entire Depression Program E-book for a particular word or

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How to use the Uncommon Knowledge Depression

Depression Thrives on Exhaustion and Anxiety

Throughout this program, we help battle these catalysts for depression

Take Your Time

Now, before we begin, allow me to introduce a few of the characters and

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Your Enemy and Mine Its Depresso (a.k.a Depression)!

How to Spot Depresso

You can easily spot Depresso. He will say things like:

o Yeah, but I tried that and it didnt work!

o This always happens to me!

o Who would want to talk/be with me?

o Ive never been any good!

o Theres just no solution to this problem!

o I just cant get over the past!

o Theres just no hope/future!

o Something bad is about to happen!

o Nothing good has ever happened!

o Whats the point in doing this?

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Basically, Depresso rains on your parade.

Your Depression Diary

Keeping a diary of depression might sound, well, depressing. However, its