Asante Hospice

Bereavement Newsletter
may their memories be a blessing August 2010
Classes and Public
Support Groups offered
by Asante Hospice To Cry or Not to Cry
By Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, Director, Center for Loss

Medford One morning I read a lovely, personalized obituary in my

F
Day group: local newspaper. The obituary described a man who had
11 a.m. to noon done many things in his life, had made many friends, and
had touched the lives of countless people. He died in his
2nd and 4th Monday
of each month sixties of cancer. At the end of the obituary, readers were
Asante Hospice
Conference Room
2960 Doctor’s Park Drive

Evening group:
O
invited to attend his funeral service and were instructed to
bring memories and stories but “no tears.” I nearly choked
on my Cheerios.
Tears of grief are often associated with personal
inadequacy and weakness. The worst thing you can
O
7 to 8:30 p.m.
do, however, is to allow this judgment to prevent you
Every Monday night
from crying. While your tears may result in a feeling of
Asante Hospice
helplessness for your friends, family, and caregivers, you
Conference Room
must not let others stifle your need to mourn openly.
2960 Doctor’s Park Drive
Sometimes, as you can see from the obituary I described, the people who care about
PR

Grants Pass
Every third Thursday:
5 to 6:30 p.m.
Three Rivers
Community Hospital
2nd Floor Chapel Room
500 SW Ramsey Ave.
All groups are free to
the public on an open-
ended group basis. There
is no time limit to grief. If you
have any questions, please
call (541) 789-4831
or (541) 956-6241.
Please call for information
and registration for the next
6 to 8 week class in late July.
you may, directly or indirectly, try to prevent your tears out of a desire to protect you
(and them) from pain. You may hear comments like, “Tears won’t bring him back” or
“He wouldn’t want you to cry.” Yet crying is nature’s way of releasing internal tension
in your body, and it allows you to communicate a need to be comforted.
While data is still limited, researchers suggest that suppressing tears may actually
increase your susceptibility to stress-related disorders. It makes sense. Crying is one of
the excretory processes. Perhaps like sweating and exhaling, crying helps remove waste
products from the body. The capacity to express tears appears to allow for genuine
healing. In my experience in counseling mourners, I have even observed changes in
physical expression after crying. Not only do people feel better after crying, they also
seem to look better. Tension and agitation seem to flow out of their bodies.
You must be vigilant about guarding yourself against this misconception. Tears are
not a sign of weakness. In fact, your capacity to share tears is an indication of your
willingness to do the work of mourning.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt, director of the Center for Loss, is known around the world for his
compassionate messages of hope and healing in grief.

Asante Hospice: Medford (541) 789-4831 • Grants Pass (541) 956-6241 • dstribling@asante.org
 Why Celebrate Grief?
By Donna Stribling

Grief gives us the gift of awareness, of realizing that these moments

we celebrate together are the only moments that exist. Grief teaches
us the real gift of living in the moment. Grief gives us the gift of
understanding that we may be robbed of everything in life, but we
are never robbed of the ability to make meaning out of life.
Let us celebrate our relationships, our friendships, and our love
of humanity.
Let us celebrate those who have died, who loved us, and whom we
loved. They continue to be present to us in our memories, in our
values, and in our hearts.

F
Asante Hospice Butterfly Release

O
Reminder that this event is September 18, 2010,
from 1 to 3 p.m. at Grants Pass Riverside Park.
Sometimes when we’ve experienced a loss, it is helpful to remember
the good in our lives. Show us what you’re thankful for and how
O
you celebrate the blessings in your life. Bring a framed photo of
your family member or friend to place on the memory table. Bring
a memento—a piece of artwork, a quilt, a painting, a shirt, or tennis
shoes—to place on the table as well. These keepsakes show who
your loved one was and what he or she meant to you. It’s all part of
PR

the work of grief. Share with others your memories of love. Have
questions? Call Donna Stribling at (541) 789-4831.
Registration is open for the six-week bereavement class starting
July 31. Please call Donna at (541) 789-4831 or (541) 956-6241.

A Symbol of Hope
A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment its glory
and beauty belong to our world
But then it flies again
And though we wish it could have stayed...
We feel lucky to have seen it.
—Anonymous

10HPC026

Asante Hospice: Medford (541) 789-4831 • Grants Pass (541) 956-6241 • dstribling@asante.org