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Jewish Standard and About Our Children, July 28, 2017
Jewish Standard and About Our Children, July 28, 2017
Wheels
within wheels
Nanuet woman joins
Auschwitz-Krakow bike ride
in her parents memory Page 18
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Meza, the site of ancient Magdala also wrote, most Jewish residents in cities is published weekly on Fridays with an additional edition
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Jewish
JewishStandard
Standardmarch 3, 2017 3
July 28,
Noshes
It was a terrible shock
because I was the best.
Margaret Bergmann Lambert, who died at 103 last week, was
the German Jewish (later American Jewish) high jumper whom the
Nazis kept out of the 1936 Berlin Olympics. The Nazis demanded
that she train but refused to let her compete; decades later
Germany apologized and named athletic facilities after her.
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1 28, 2017 6/5/17 5:24 PM
JEWISH STANDARD JULY 28, 2017 5
Local
My whole bed was on fire
Pessy Schuman talks of life during, before, and after Rutherford synagogue bombing
Larry Yudelson as Anthony Graziano. Ms.
P
Schuman saw some of the
essy Schuman woke up to a evidence during one of her
room in flames. meetings with the Bergen
My whole bed was on fire, County Prosecutors Office.
she said last week. There I saw the bottles, and the
were walls of fire all across the carpets, bandana that was in the bot-
all across the furniture. tle, the half that was used,
It was just before dawn on January 11, she said. The other half
2012, and her bedroom window, on the was found as evidence in his
upper floor of Congregation Beth El of house.
Rutherford, had been shattered by Molo- That January night was not
tov cocktails thrown by Anthony Graziano the first time Ms. Schuman
of Lodi, then 19. had seen anti-Semitic vio-
Mr. Graziano is scheduled to be sen- lence directed toward her
tenced for the attack this Friday, July 28. house. The first time was
So is his conspirator, the bombing mas- when she was a child in
termind, Aakash Dalal, who also was 19 Argentina, before her family
in 2012. They face up to life in prison for fled anti-Semitism there in
terrorism the prosecutors asked for 45 the 1980s.
years and are the first to have been con- There was so much of a
victed under New Jerseys post-9/11 terror- Nazi undercurrent in Argen-
ism statutes. tina, she said.
Graziano was convicted of terrorism Congregation Beth El in Rutherford. Ms. Schumans great
but acquitted of attempted murder. The grandparents arrived in
jury evidently preferred to convict him The Schumans five children then Argentina in 1901, Jews fleeing Poland and Russia in a
for his actions committing a dangerous ranged between 7 and 15. Now the old- time of mounting pogroms. They became cattle farmers
crime to terrorize five or more persons est is going to be a junior at Stern Col- part of a project of European Jewish philanthropists, led
in the words of the statute rather than lege and the youngest will be in seventh by Baron Maurice de Hirsch, to help destitute and perse-
to speculate on his motivations. Dalal was grade at Ben Porat Yosef Yeshiva Day cuted Eastern European Jews survive in South America.
not prosecuted for attempted murder in School in Paramus. The Jewish Colonization Association provided land and an
his trial. But the question of whether the I went in to their bedrooms deter- interest-free mortgage to the Jewish settlers. During the
pair wanted to kill the family or only to mined to sound calm and said, we projects heyday in 1930, 20,000 Jewish colonists farmed
burn down the building seemed obvious have to get out quickly, theres a fire, 2,000 square miles of land.
to Ms. Schuman that January night, and lets go. Her mother grew up on the farm. Ms. Schuman visited it
her feeling was borne out when the police Things didnt stay calm. One daugh- as a child. The kitchen was very primitive, she said. My
investigated and the full story emerged. ter, half asleep, thought that a friend grandfather didnt have running water. They had a well.
It has been five and a half years since who had spent the night the previous Theres a horrible family story that involves the well.
that night and Ms. Schuman still has Pessy Schuman Shabbat was still there and needed to My grandmother had a much younger sister, 20 years
flashbacks and nightmares. The post- be saved from the fire too. She started younger, Ms. Schuman said. One day my grandmother
traumatic stress has presented me with pain, she said. screaming, We have to get my friend! She wanted to go was supposed to be watching her. She was playing with
Massive proportions of pain and challenges. The heal- back in, Ms. Schuman said. some matches I think they were in the barn she caught
ing process has brought me to a place in life I hadnt seen Instinctively I knew I would have to keep track of who fire. By the time my grandmother made it to the well, it
myself going to. left and who didnt, so I didnt take my children down- was too late.
That included the end of a 17-year-career as a rebbetzin, stairs until all of us gathered. I took my children down- Ms. Schumans father came from a family of musicians.
a divorce, and a new career as a licensed medical massage stairs. I couldnt take them outside. I was thinking that if He was said to be a musical prodigy. He was the first violin-
therapist. She has remarried and lives in Teaneck with theyre throwing bombs in, they will be waiting outside ist for the Buenos Aires Philharmonic Orchestra. He was
her children. to kill us. a proud Jew and became more and more determined to
Rabbi Schuman has a new congregation on Long Island I was on the phone with the police screaming. show it as he and his wife became more religious, under
and is engaged to be married. The firemen came and finished putting out the fire. the influence of Satmar chasidim.
Looking back on that night, Ms. Schuman remembers Having gone the day before to the CSI Experience at Times It was not a good time or place to walk the streets in
the panic and the fear, and she can see how events could Square a game that allows players to pretend to solve Jewish garb.
have taken a tragic turn. The shul had modernized some a crime I was scared to destroy the evidence and was I remember walking in the street and someone put-
of the windows in the building. But those through which screaming to the firemen and policemen, Youre tram- ting a cigarette out on his arm, she said. I remember
the bombs entered were still the old, heavy ones. In put- pling on the evidence! people saying We should have turned you all into soap.
ting together the firebomb, Graziano had used extra thick In fact, the professionals knew what they were doing. Yet he wasnt a Jew only in the streets; he was Jewish on
oil so it would stick onto the skin, she said. Instead, the oil They retrieved the crucial evidence the homemade fire- his job as well.
didnt soak into the bedspread, which was used to extin- bombs made from soda bottles and ingredients bought He was an exhibitionist, Ms. Schuman said. He
guished the flames by folding it onto itself. at Walmart. Before long, investigators were able to find would wear his tzitzit and his kipah in the orchestra, when
I said, Get out, we have to get out! My ex-husband a Walmart customer who had bought the ingredients theyre wearing a full tuxedo. My father was not making
didnt want the shul to burn down. He went to get a fire a few days before the fire and they captured his image any more friends as he was constantly shoving into their
extinguisher. I went to get the kids. from video footage of the transaction. He was identified faces that he was Jewish.
They would do horrible things to him. During his solo, It was not an auspicious beginning. He was a member of the Satmar mafia, she said. He
his sheet music would be gone. Or they let a mouse out Young Pessys introduction to Satmar was not any had all these parking tickets in his car. I would say, Dont
during his solo. They never could rattle him during the better. double park. Well get a ticket, and he would say, Dont
performances, but it was just a constant feeling of being I have horrible memories of the torture of not being worry. I have it taken care of. That was one of many red
persecuted. He was getting threats from his co-workers. frum enough, she said. I didnt even know the language. flags. She ended the engagement. Years later he landed in
They were envious of his position. Hes Jewish, he doesnt I remember one day a group of girls surrounded me. Do jail, convicted for identity theft and white collar crimes.
deserve it. One Yom Kippur he had by then started you know what Bashefer is? they asked. Thats Yiddish She was introduced to Nosson Schuman. I wanted
keeping Shabbat he didnt go in to play at the matinee. for the creator. Its basically God. I knew what Hashem someone who was also a baal teshuva, she said. I knew
When he went to the next show, his co-workers attacked was. I said No, I dont. They taunted me, Youre a goy, they would really mean it, not like the fake people I had
him. They stomped on his head, they beat him up so badly youre a goy. found in Brooklyn.
that he had a bald spot forever and ever. The police were Before long the family moved to Williamsburg, Brook- He wanted to be a rabbi out-of-town that is, out in
just standing there, doing nothing. lyn, and were part of the Satmar community there. Pessys non-Brooklyn, less-Jewish America.
Ms. Schuman has a vague memory from when she father found work caring for old people. We were immi- After a little more than a handful of non-hand-holding
was 8 years old. We were coming upstairs to our floor in grants, she said. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment. Orthodox dates and a five week engagement, they married.
the apartment building, she said. My father says, Get My mom babysat at night. Some of his fathers elderly They did go out of town. Their first pulpit where she
the kids back in the elevator. Our front door had been charges lived with them in the crowded apartment. became a rebbetzin was in Santa Barbara, California.
burst open, kind of like blown up. The lock had been In Argentina, I was never allowed to tell anyone I was The family later would move to Pawtucket, Rhode Island;
blown up. His co-workers had left a note: Get out! Jewish when we went anywhere. Youngstown, Ohio; and Indianapolis, Indiana small cities
The family did. In high school, in the Bais Yaakov of Boro Park, I where Rabbi Schuman might be the only Orthodox rabbi
They came to America and settled in a Satmar commu- asked how do we know God created the world? The before making their way to Rutherford. The small con-
nity in upstate New York. teacher said, Behave yourself! By the time I was in 12th gregation there had only 20 families but was just a mile
The Satmar told my father that when he came to Amer- grade I wanted to go to college and study medicine. My away from Passaic and its intense Orthodox community.
ica he could play in the theater and be shomer Shabbat, principal convinced me that I would be selling my soul I dont regret it for a minute, Ms. Schuman said of her
she said. He came to America and they put him to work to the devil. years as a rebbetzin, though she had tired of the role by
in a diamond factory. He wanted to play violin. He started Instead she went to seminary, in Toronto and in Israel. the end. There are incredible people out there.
working a little with the Neginah Orchestra which She taught for a year in the Bais Yaakov in Denver. She was There were the women she studied with for conversion
played Jewish weddings but it wasnt classical. briefly in an arranged engagement to a fellow Argentinian. See fire page 32
Brightview.
Sandi M. Malkin, LL C Bright Life!
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Interfaith in Israel
Fair Lawn rabbi joins colleagues and Catholic clergy for convivience
JOANNE PALMER Baruch Zeilicovich of Tem- leaders decided to invite for them to have a relationship with all
O
ple Beth Sholom in Fair Rabbi Zeilicovich. streams of Judaism, for them to know
ver the nearly two thousand Lawn, who talked about The Neocatechumal who Jesus was spiritually.
years it has unfolded, the his experiences at the Way is an attempt to So thats what the Catholics got from
relationship between the four-day conference with b r i n g Ro m a n C at h o - the Jews at the convivience. What did
Catholic church and the Jews great enthusiasm. lic people back to the the Jews get from it? We benefit from
generally has not been very good. The conference was Roman Catholic church, the dialogue, Rabbi Zeilicovich said.
It has, in fact, most often characterized Rabbi Zeilicovichs first Rabbi Zeilicovich said. It We benefit from it because the more the
by power and its abuse on one side, and with the Neocatechumal does internal outreach, Roman Catholic church knows about us,
powerlessness, fear, extortion, blood, Way, but not his first in ways that will remind the less prejudice they will have.
torture, and death on the other. experience with interfaith Jews of keruv, the out- Its a new angle on an old problem, he
But things change, times change, under- work. Rabbi Zeilicovich is reach Jews do to try to continued. We have not had such a good
standings change, and at times even from Argentina; he grew get back unaffiliated or history with the Roman Catholic church,
deeply entrenched suspicions can change. up during the time of the Rabbi Alberto Zeilicovich disaffected young peo- and this is a complete turnaround. Its
There has been a great deal of inter- junta, when Argentina ple. The Neocatechumal like when you make a hamburger, or
faith work that has mended some of the was controlled by the military, who shut Way, he said is evangelical in its struc- a pancake, and you flip it over. This is
rifts between Jews and Catholics, partic- up dissidents by such effective means as ture and mission, but it is Catholic, not exactly a 180-degree flip.
ularly since the reforms of Vatican II in dropping them out of airplanes. Inter- Protestant. Its leaders are lay people, And with that flip done, the newly
1963, and the evident good will of Pope faith work was a good way for dissidents often professionals, who devote their turned groups can discover shared prob-
John XXIII and most of the pontiffs who to get together, Rabbi Zeilicovich said, lives and dedicate their families to living lems, much as the other interfaith groups
followed him. because the junta did not want to appear in a way that exemplifies the churchs to which hes belonged have done. For
Still, among some of the most striking to be going after religious people. But out values and draws people to them and example, the secularization of society,
scenes at the conference that a Catho- of a political need grew a genuine desire to the church they represent. he said. It is happening in synagogues,
lic lay outreach organization called to learn more, and to study together, he The Neocatechumal Way is active in in Roman Catholic churches, and in other
the Neocatechumal Way held in Israel said. Thats how I came to understand about 20,000 communities, mostly in churches as well.
in May showed Catholics and Jews not the power of interfaith activities and the Central America, Rabbi Zeilicovich said. The conference was held at the
only learning, talking, but even pray- impact they can have on the larger soci- So where do Jews come in? Not as Domus Galilaeae, a Christian confer-
ing together. Videos show Jews saying ety, he said. potential converts, Rabbi Zeilicovich ence center overlooking the Sea of Gal-
the Shema as the Catholics listen rever- Rabbi Zeilicovich went to Medellin, said. Thats not it at all. They claim that ilee on the hill known to Christians as
ently and some seen to join them. And Colombia, after he was ordained. I gave the Mount of Beatitudes. All the food
thats because the Catholics goal was a lot of lectures to the Roman Catholic was kosher. All the Roman Catholics
to learn from the Jews. Not to convert seminary there, and participated in inter- who were there ate only kosher food,
them, not to coerce them, but to learn faith activities with a Franciscan priest, Rabbi Zeilicovich said. The Neocate-
from them. Francisco Lotero, he said. We became We have not had chumal Ways founder, Kiko Arguello,
The conference called a convivi-
ence, using the Latin root vivere, to live
very good friends. His next stop was
Puerto Rico, and there I taught Judaism
such a good wrote a symphony called The Suffer-
ings of the Innocent, in which he put
brought together 400 people, about at an evangelical seminary. After that, history with the together the suffering of the Jews in the
160 of them rabbis, the rest of them
Catholic clergymen, including a cardi-
the rabbi went to Fort Worth, and I was
part of an interfaith group that brought
Roman Catholic concentration camps and the sufferings
of Jesus, he continued. Both suffered
nal from Addis Ababa and another from Jews, Roman Catholic priests, and evan- church, and this from the sin of omission nobody said
India, and laypeople to learn from the
rabbis, who range the gamut from Ortho-
gelical pastors together.
It was a very active group, he contin-
is a complete anything about what was happening to
them. They all were innocent.
dox to Reform, and who included such ued. We always had an activity study- turnaround. The conference opened and closed
luminaries as Yitz Greenberg, the mod- ing, talking about the common problems by everyone who knew the song singing
ern Orthodox rabbi who started Clal, and and challenges we all had, in churches they cannot be good Christians if they Hine may tov how good it is when
Rabbi David Rosen of the American Jew- and synagogues. He also led two inter- dont know Jesus better, and to know brothers can sit together.
ish Committee. (There were, however, no faith missions to Israel, working with an Jesus better they have to know Juda- According to Rabbi Zeilicovich, broth-
women rabbis. That would have been a evangelical church. ism better. Because Jesus was a Jew, he ers can and should and even at times do
bridge too far.) So when the Neocatechumal Way lived like a Jew, he thought like a Jew, he sit together, and when they do the world
The rabbis also included Alberto planned this years convivience, its believed like a Jew. Therefore it is crucial is made a bit better.
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JEWISH STANDARD JULY 28, 2017 9
Local
R
relieve the discomfort this causes, now ics course. At the time, the risks were
enewal, the Brooklyn-based that shes back home she goes for walks. higher and the success rate was lower,
nonprofit organization that In a brilliant move which gives well- she said. Now, theres little debate.
works to save lives through wishers a chance to visit with her while Jews can be really proud of how much
kidney donations, wont she gets in the walking she needs she we step up. Renewals goal is that peo-
work with just any hospital. created an online signup sheet for walk- ple will not have to wait more than six
The hospital has to have the same ing partners. months for a kidney.
philosophy as ours, said Rabbi Josh Renewal liked that, Rabbi Kniaz Not only has her Teaneck congre-
Sturm, Renewals director of outreach. said. gation been supportive, she said, but
Donors need to be treated as heroes. Really, Im not suffering, she added, I spoke to Richard Tannenbaum
The proverbial red carpet should be though its still a bit uncomfortable to Temple Emanuels executive director
rolled out for them. stand up and sit down, she said. She from an employee point of view, and
While kidney donor Rabbi Shelley described the surgeon who did the lap- he told me he was sure that the board
Kniaz of Teaneck who donated a kid- aroscopic operation as amazing and would say to take all the time I need.
ney at NewYork-Presbyterian/Weill Cor- pointed out that the hospital has done Not only did the shul provide a meal
nell Medical Center on Tuesday says many such operations, with an excel- this Shabbat but the Sunday morning
she was treated extremely well by hos- lent track record. minyan sent flowers and nice messages.
pital staff, she doesnt feel like a hero. She has had no second thoughts Rabbi Shelley Kniaz Why did she do it? Leon Lissek is an
Its a great thing to be able to do, about the donation. After the eupho- extraordinarily sweet person, Rabbi
she said. Quality of life and length of ria lifts, you realize you have to face the Im sorry I only had one, someone told Kniaz said. Everyone will tell you
life is the gift youre giving someone. recovery process, she said. OK, you me. I would do it again. that. Hes talented, a Holocaust sur-
Not to mention the fact that during the say, it will take two weeks at least until It was a long process, but Renewal vivor, warm, loving, with a beautiful
long period of testing, I found out that Im feeling like I can move normally. Its really facilitates everything, Rabbi Kniaz neshama. She has known him as a Beth
Im as healthy as a horse. And as if just a matter of adjusting. But unlike continued. At a recent educational and Sholom fellow congregant for more than
this werent enough her doctor told many patients, for whom surgery is not awareness session on kidney donation 15 years. And when she was well into the
her she had a beautiful kidney. optional, I had the benefit of feeling held at Beth Sholom, I learned that in testing process, she remembered that
But yes, she said, she did receive the good about doing it. most cases where people donate, you many years ago, at home in Madison,
royal treatment during the few days she Rabbi Kniaz said that about eight years may have to go in three or four times. But Wisconsin, she had taught a boy who
had to stay in the hospital. I had a sin- ago, Rabbi Ephraim Simon, the co-direc- Renewal arranged that I could do it on grew up to become his son-in-law.
gle room, Renewal sent people to visit, tor of Friends of Lubavitch of Bergen one long day. They try to make it so you For his part, Cantor Lissek who
with gifts, robes, and slippers, and they County in Teaneck, donated a kidney, dont have to wait around. served Congregation Bnai Amoona
The rabbi told the Lisseks that she was in St. Louis, Mo., for some 30 years
starting the testing process and that she calls Rabbi Kniaz an angel. He also
After the euphoria lifts, you would keep them updated. Her intention uses that term to describe the woman
realize you have to face the was to donate the kidney to Leon, should
she choose to proceed. I knew that it
whose kidney he soon will receive. That
second donor, whom he once taught
recovery process. OK, you say, gave them a lot of hope, she said. While when she was a child, is the daughter
it will take two weeks at least she thought briefly about not telling them
in case she was disqualified or changed
of the man who was president of Bnai
Amoona when he worked there.
until Im feeling like I can move her mind she ultimately decided that As a survivor, with difficult memories
normally. Its just a matter the issue was so pressing that she needed
to be very honest about it.
of his youth, I got to appreciate good
people as I got older, Cantor Lissek
of adjusting. In the meantime, she asked her hus- said. I have encountered many good
band, Rabbi Eliezer Diamond, professor people being a cantor. The world is
of Talmud and rabbinics at the Jewish made up of angels and good people.
checked in a lot. Not only that, but the and it was something that definitely Theological Seminary, to have his kid- Rabbi Kniaz, he said, not only saved his
hospital has a fantastic staff. piqued my interest. Later, in 2015, Rabbi ney checked. What will happen if you life when she agreed to donate her
Renewal, now nearly 11 years old, has Larry Rothwachs, raised in Fair Lawn donate and then a family member needs kidney he was moved to the top of the
helped facilitate several hundred trans- and now the religious leader of Teanecks it? she said a social worker asked her. recipient list but she also saved the
plants. While the organization wont Beth Aaron, did the same thing. Will you regret it? life of the young woman who ultimately
turn anyone away, its waiting list is 95 It was on my mind, but it wasnt in I said, Yes, but it wont be debilitat- received her kidney.
percent Jewish. the cards then, Rabbi Kniaz said. But ing. Hopefully, they can get the same While Cantor Lissek is a bit apprehen-
Were a Jewish organization and about a year ago, friends from her own help. As it happens, her kidney was not sive, I think it will be wonderful, he
were not embarrassed about that, synagogue, Congregation Beth Sholom a match for Leon Lissek, but she moved said of the upcoming transplant. Ill do
Rabbi Sturm said. But with that said, in Teaneck, started letting people know forward and donated her kidney to some- everything the doctor tells me to do. At
our doors are open. We tend to stick that they needed a donor. I wavered one else. In the meantime, a donor has the age of 81, he is in good health, walks
within the Jewish community because it at first, but six months later I casually been identified for Leon one of his for- 45 minutes a day, works with a personal
matches our skill set and we dont have asked them about it. mer students from St. Louis and his trainer, and eats the proper food. My
resources [to help] everybody. The couple, Leon and Michal Lissek, transplant will take place in early August. numbers are pretty good.
Rabbi Kniaz, the director of congre- told her about Renewal, so she called So he would have gotten one anyway. In addition to insisting that hospitals
gational education at Temple Emanuel the organization and learned about But during the six months they knew I treat donors with special care, Renewal
of the Pascack Valley in Woodcliff Lake, the process. They matched me with was testing, it gave them a tremendous works only with hospitals with which
reported after her procedure that the women my age who had done it so I amount of hope. we are comfortable, Rabbi Sturm said.
incision is small and doesnt cause a lot could hear about the recovery, she Rabbi Kniaz remembers that at one The organization requires that the hos-
of pain at all. During the procedure, said. Theyre so happy theyve done it. point she taught a session on live organ pitals have a lot of experience with the
years might have died while waiting for a kidney Attend an Open House and
stay on the list much longer. time to find a School Leadership program, I chose Touro again
the application fee will be
Rabbi Sturm said that the average age of donors looking for a similar experience, and it was superb. The Touro School waived.
is the mid-40s. Interestingly, his organization has Leadership Program has given me the skills, knowledge and Learn about opportunities for
seen the inverse of national statistics, which show teachers to earn certifications
credentials for a successful career.
that women donors outnumber men. The mini- and paraprofessionals to
mum age for donation is 18, but we havent had become certified teachers.
anyone below the age of 21, he said. We dont feel
theyre of the right mindset. While the maximum
age is 70, the group had a donor who was 71.
In the United States, over 97,000 people are
on waiting list, and only about 16,000 to 17,000 Touro is an equal opportunity institution. For Touros complete Non-Discrimination Statement, visit www.touro.edu
FIRST PERSON
N
to GOP: No Health Care Plan, No Vacation.
ot many things could About 70 people came on two buses
coax me out of my from New Jersey but even the people
air-conditioned home who didnt come, at least the ones I spoke
in July to spend nine with beforehand, said I should march for
hours on a bus OK, it was air- them as well. This included my editor, a
conditioned and had wi-fi, but still rabbi recuperating after donating a kidney
and then six hours or so in the (see story on page 10), the checkout lady at
steamy heat of Washington D.C. a Delaware rest stop, and my handyman,
But some things are just too who told me that when his wife was preg-
important to forego, even in such Lois Goldrich nant, they turned to Planned Parenthood
torrid conditions. for help, since at the time they couldnt
One of those things is Planned Parenthood now under afford health insurance.
threat from proposed health care legislation that would elimi- So who was on the bus? People like me.
nate funding for this widely used, and grossly maligned, orga- You dont look like a protester, said the
nization, which provides essential health services to women friend who drove me to the bus. Nor did
and their families. the old and young women (and man) who
Planned Parenthood works with more than 8,000 women joined me on this journey. Which raises the
each day, offering them services that range from mammo- question: What does a protester look like? Senator Cory Booker, front left, joins a delegation of New Jersey
grams, to STD testing, to counseling on birth control. Sadly, All of us had our own reasons for com- residents in Washington to support Planned Parenthood.
however, although helping desperate women obtain abor- ing. And believe me, this was not just a
tions is a relatively small part of its job, the forces that oppose pleasant outing, as anyone who ever has used a cramped toi- every person has a right to control her own body, she decided
the organization would have us believe that its all Planned let on a rapidly moving vehicle can attest. For some women, that she should come. A second student, who used Planned
Parenthood does. this was a reunion, for others, it was a new experience. Parenthoods services while in college as did I said that she
The monster that is the proposed new health care bill One young mother, two young children (one a babe in arms) would hate to see that resource taken away.
seems, like the hydra, to have many heads; so early on in tow, said this was a wonderful opportunity for her children A lovely old-timer, originally from Chicago who knew
Wednesday morning I boarded a chartered bus in Wayne, to see history in the making. Another woman, a senior in col- D.C., she said, like the back of her hand has been a supporter
headed for a Planned Parenthood Day of Action in the nations lege who had a flexible summer internship, said that because of Planned Parenthood for decades. She recalled advising her
capital. Coincidentally, the news headline streaming at the she was able to come, and because she strongly believes that sister many years ago to visit the organization for counseling
W
hand is something we could resolve if get a chance to speak
illiam Laforet would like to have a con- to somebody.
versation with the South Monsey Eruv He explained that under the towns ordinance banning
Association. signs, a sign is defined as an instrument that attracts your
Mr. Laforet is the mayor of Mahwah, attention and directs you to do something. He said that the
which last week cited the eruv association for violating its markers that demarcate the eruv are a sign that the area is
ordinance barring signs on utility polls. enclosed by the eruv, and they direct observant Jews to stay
Back in May, he had discovered that strips of half-inch plas- within the perimeter if they wish to carry on Shabbat. Robert Ferguson of Mahwah addresses a gathering
tic tubing had been placed on utility poles in his town. The However, similar claims have not fared well in court; pre- discussing the eruv on Monday. VOSIZNEIS.COM
same thing was happening in nearby Upper Saddle River and vious rulings have said that eruv associations in Tenafly and
in Montvale. Those three towns, in the northwest corner of New Yorks Hamptons have First Amendment rights to use are anonymous.
Bergen County, are immediately across the border from New the utility poles. I dont want these rude, nasty, dirty people who think they
York States Rockland County. Theres no way for me to know where any sign violations can do what they want in our nice town, one of the com-
Mr. Laforet called the Orange and Rockland Utilities, which end up, Mr. Laforet said. Generally speaking, residents will ments reads.
owns the poles, when he found them. They explained to me take down signs that are noted by the zoning official. Thats Another says: I do not want the town of Mahwah to turn
that a permit had been acquired by these people for the plac- been our experience and we hope thats the case here. into an undesirable place to live. These people do not assimi-
ing of these markings on the pole for an eruv, and they had no Public opposition to the eruv in Mahwah has grown since late with other people outside their community. I do not want
obligation to notify the communities, he said. the order to take down the markers were publicized. them controlling our school board and siphoning funds for
An eruv is a legal fiction that enables observant Jews to More than 1,200 people signed an online petition calling their yeshivas. Also, they buy houses which they claim is for
carry in a public area on Shabbat by creating a notional wall for the eruv to be taken down. Many of the dozens of com- religious purposes and do not pay taxes. They should stay
consisting of vertical poles the plastic piping topped by ments accompanying the petition, titled Protect the Quality where they are and leave our town alone.
wires in this case, the existing utility lines. of our Community in Mahwah, refer to these people and Former town Councilman John Roth, who started the peti-
So Mr. Laforet called the eruv committee, which coordinates express concerns about falling property values. Most of them tion, told the Bergen Record that he closed it because of the
12 JEWISH STANDARD JULY 28, 2017 JEWISH STANDARD JULY 28, 2017 12
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A young man on my bus revealed that he was there on
behalf of his mother and sisters. His mother, he said, had
been a victim of statutory rape; fortunately she had been
able to obtain an abortion. That, he said, allowed her to
ATE
carry on with her life and move forward, though she still
carries the psychological scars.
D
An eloquent supporter of Planned Parenthood told me
E THE
SAV
she is insulted that men make assumptions about wom-
LAST CALL
ens decisions. Why, she asked, should they decide what
she should do? After all, a womans decision is heartfelt
and based on what is best for her life. They are so hung
up on abortion issues, she said, noting that while some-
SALE STARTS
thing may not be desirable, it may be the best option for
a woman and her family. Why, she asked, are there no
corresponding laws regulating paternal responsibilities?
Once we boarded the bus, it was clear that there was
DONT MISS
my calls were easy, since both of my assemblymen, Tim
Eustace and Joseph Lagana, had voted to restore funds.
80OFF
Sadly, the measure failed anyway.
On arrival, we were given a crash course in pinking
THIS SALE
Capitol Hill, offering passersby a pink sticker indicating
%
support for our cause. Only one woman growled at me,
but we were under strict orders not to growl back. Later
in the day, we gathered for our own rally, waving signs and
clapping and booing at the appropriate times.
SEE PEOPLE POWER PAGE 35 UP TO
Photos provided
August 2125
300 Knickerbocker Rd Cresskill
201-390-7513 201-266-8830
studio-info@cresskillperformingarts.com www.cresskillperformingarts.com
Dennis Heck, board member and prin- Steve Siegel, THS class of 1966,
cipal of Teaneck High School, presents receives his award from board
award to Elyssa Deutsch Goldenfarb. member Bonnie Morrow.
For thousands
2 former Teaneck students honored of kids in our
community
for outstanding athletic careers summer vacation
Two former Teaneck residents who football/tennis coach. He identified the means no more
breakfast
were members of the Teaneck Jewish need for a way to honor the schools out- or lunch.
Community Center were among 15 for- standing athletes. His committee reviews
mer Teaneck High School athletes who the performance of the women and men What is food
recently were inducted into the Teaneck who are potential candidates and selects insecurity? Healthcare or food?
Something no senior
Athletic Hall of Fame. those to be included in the hall of fame. Unfortunately, one out
of six kids knows... should have to decide.
Elyssa Deutsch Goldenfarb, class of A newly constructed entrance to the
1992, and Steven Siegel, class of 1966, high schools memorial gym serves as
received many awards and set records the Hall of Fames exhibit hall, which
The loss of $93,000 is affecting CFAs ability to help thousands of
while playing for Teaneck High School. houses the records, accomplishments, your neighbors. Your help is urgently needed to ensure emergency
Ms. Goldenfarb was honored for tennis, and memorabilia of Teanecks finest programs are intact and available to help folks who are struggling
fencing, and golf, and Mr. Siegel for ten- athletes.
nis and soccer. Their accomplishments Ms. Goldenfarb lives in the New Bruns-
to put food on their tables and keep a roof over their heads.
qualified them for recognition as out- wick area with her husband, Brian, and
standing athletes of their decade. their three children, Lauren, Rachel, and Thank you for your support
The Teaneck Athletic Hall of Fame was Joshua. Mr. Siegel has retired from teach-
the vision of James Vuono, a former THS ing tennis and lives in a Houston suburb.
201-569-1804 x 25
www.cfanj.org
www.applebank.com
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16 apple
JEWISH STANDARD
bk - JEWISH STANDARD - JULY 28, 2017
PASSBOOK-STATEMENT-BONUS - EFF DATE 3-7-2017.indd 1 2/27/2017 3:27:08 PM
Rockland
October. Booking early is recommended ining the museums exhibition and Holo-
for group tours to be scheduled between caust-era artifacts. The museum staff can
A LUXURY SENIOR RESIDENCE
January and May, when tours are most tailor the tour to meet the educational PRESENTS:
in demand. needs of each group.
Student tours are offered starting in For information, call Geri Myer at
sixth grade. Those tours are led either by (845) 574-4099 or email her at gmyer@
a member of the education department holocauststudies.org.
Americas
Funniest AT PALISADES
Grandma
On August 3 at 10 a.m., the Florence Madison Ave. in Pearl River. For informa- Marion Oxenhorn Brian LeBlanc as:
Melton School of Adult Jewish Learning tion, call (845) 735-5858.
at the JCC campus offers a free class in On August 8, the PJ Library in Rock- The LaffLady Neil Diamond
West Nyack at 10 a.m. Rabbi Paula Mack land County is hosting a pool party and
Drill will lead it. Call (845) 362-4200, barbecue at Ramah Day Camp in Nyack,
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 9, 2017 MONDAY SEPTEMBER 18, 2017
ext. 130, or email adulteducation@ at 4:30 p.m. TIME: 3:30pm TIME: 3pm
jewishrockland.org. For information on all these events, $10 p/p | $8 p/p for JCC Members $10 p/p | $8 p/p for JCC Members
Later that day, at 7:30 p.m., there will call (845) 362-4200, email msherman@ proceeds to benefit: all proceeds to benefit:
be bingo at the Beth Am Temple, at 60 E.
L Shana
rjfs.org, or go to jewishrockland.org.
L Shana
Gildas Club
Westchester
NAM KNIGHTS
of Tappan, NY.
Tovah!
(Vietnam Veterans)
Brunch will benefit Holocaust museum
Tovah!
Light Refreshments Served Light Refreshments Served
Save the date for the Holocaust Sam Weinberger are among the hon- Please RSVP to: Please RSVP by Sept. 11th to:
events@esplanadeatpalisades.com events@esplanadeatpalisades.com
Museum & Center for Tolerance and orees. For information, call (845) 574-
Educations annual benefit brunch 4099 or go to holocauststudies.org.
on Sunday, November 5. Barbara and OPEN HOUSE Spacious studio, one and two bedroom suites
SUNDAY, JULY 30|11l AM - 1PM Daily recreation & cultural programs: lectures, day-trips,
be open
Model apartments wil movies, crafts & entertainment
Wishing
for youryou
5-359-78
a sweet
viewing.
Wishing
70
new
you
Three year.
a sweet
meals served
new year.
daily in our elegant dining room
84
Garage sale at shul Jamie and Steven Dranow
Jamie www.esplanadeatpalisades.com
Larry A. Model Harvey Schwartz
and Steven Dranow General
Larry A.Manager
Model Harvey Schwartz
Gregg Brunwasser Michael L. Rosenthal,
A multi-family community garage sale will be held Sun- Gregg Brunwasser Michael L. Rosenthal, General Manager
day, July 30, in Nanuet and again on Sunday, August 13, in As your local Dignity Memorial providers, we wish you the best this Rosh Hashanah.
the front parking lot at the Nanuet Hebrew Center in New
Candlelighting
As your
We reaffirm our local Dignity
commitment Memorial
of service
providers,
to the we wish you the best this Rosh Hashanah.
Jewish community.
We reaffirm our commitment of service to the Jewish community.
City, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., rain or shine. July 28 .................................................. 7:59
The shul is at 411 South Little Tor Road (just off Exit 10 Hellman MemorialHellmanChapels MemorialHellman-Garlick
Chapels Memorial
Hellman-Garlick Chapel Memorial Chapel
august 11 .............................................. 7:42
of the Palisades Parkway) in New City. Vendors are wel-
15 State Street 15 State Street Spring Valley, NY 10977 1300 Pleasantville NY
Spring Valley, NY 10977 1300 Pleasantville Rd. Briarcliff Manor, Rd. 10510
Briarcliff Manor, NY 10510
august
845-356-8600 845-356-8600 914-762-5501 7:32
18 ............................................. 914-762-5501
come to rent a parking lot space to sell their wares for
$25 per day. Vendors can bring their own table(s) or rent august 25 ............................................. 7:22
Our affiliate Jewish Memorials of Rockland a complete full service monument and inscription provider.
Our affiliate Jewish Memorials of Rockland a complete full service monument and inscription provider.
one for $5 per day. Profits made by vendors are theirs to Large display on premises. 845-425-2256
Large display on premises. 845-425-2256
keep, or they can choose to donate a portion of it to Nan- Hellman Memorial Chapels
uet Hebrew Center. For information call the shul office at
15 State Street Spring Valley, NY 10977
(845) 708-9181 or email office@nanuethc.org.
DignityMemorial.com
www.jewishmemorialsofrockland.com 845-356-8600
DignityMemorial.com www.hellmanmemorialchapels.com
www.hellmanmemorial.com
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Cover Story/rockland
S
many of her other relatives, who did not; and the other
ometimes, things come full circle. Jews who were murdered in Auschwitz and in the other
Things being shorthand for huge historical death camps during World War II. She also rode to cel- Simone and her brother, Leon Hilfstein, outside the
cataclysms, family history, even to some extent ebrate the JCC Krakow and the resurgence of Jewish life Krakow JCC at the rides end.
poetic justice. and hope.
Maybe thats a cheesy metaphor to use about a bike Simones parents, Max Hilfstein and Erna Kluger, were business. They were beauticians, and the family had a
trip wheels, circles, revolutions, all that but its hard born in Krakow, into a Jewish world that was flourishing beauty salon and barbershop in the ghetto, Simone said.
to avoid. Simone Hilfstein Scheumann of Nanuet thought then as well. Although they didnt know what was coming, By luck (if that word can be used in this context), the shop
about full circles as she pedaled from Auschwitz-Birkenau, of course, now we know what happened. They and their was in the ghetto, so it could keep going.
the Nazi-run death camp in the verdant Polish country- families were pushed into the ghetto, and on November My father made a video for Spielberg, Simone said.
side, to the JCC Krakow last month. 23, 1942, the two were married. They were both very (That, of course, is the filmmaker Steven Spielberg; the
The Jewish community in Krakow, as elsewhere in young my father was 19 and my mother was 17 and video was for the Holocaust film and video archives Mr.
Poland, is flourishing. The purpose of the ride is to raise the marriage was an arrangement between both of their Spielberg created for the United States Holocaust Memo-
funds for the JCC Krakows programs, and also to make mothers, so that my father could take care of my mother, rial Museum.) In it, he discusses how he became the
the world aware of the rebirth of Jewish life in Poland, Simone said. By then, the smell of death was in the air. beautician and barber for some renowned Nazis. There-
Simone said. Max had a profession, though. My mother was just fin- fore he garnished a little well, not kindness, more like an
Simone rode, both this year and last, in memory of her ishing school in the ghetto, and my father had a family understanding that if my mother was going to be taken
out to be beaten, my father could lessen the severity of it. ghetto again, Simone said. They did not want to lock
Soon the ghetto was liquidated, and Max and Erna, themselves up. They were very involved in Jewish organi-
along with their families, were sent first to Paszw, zations, they were very Zionistic, they were very philan-
a slave-labor camp, and then on a death march to Aus- thropic, but they wanted to live among all kinds of people.
chwitz. Almost all of both of their families died, but Ernas My fathers very important mission was to educate
mother, Anna Schornstein who had been in Auschwitz people about what a Jew really is, she continued. He
earlier, and who spoke fluent German, was given a job as
a stenographer and accountant, and worked in an office
for some time also survived.
When they got to the United States, Max and Erna were
able to resume their lives. Max opened a beauty salon in
My parents decided
lower Manhattan, on Avenue B and Sixth Street, and he that they did not want
owned one with a cousin in Haverstraw, Ms. Scheumann
said. He taught his surviving cousins the profession.
to live in a ghetto
Her mother was a very scholarly person, she contin- again. They did not
ued. The family on both sides had been observant Jews,
who kept kosher, but they were secular. I would call them
want to lock
Conservative to Orthodox, modern, not chasidic. Before themselves up.
the war, Erna went to Jewish school, but she also had a Erna and Max Hilfstein in 1950, in the United States.
more worldly education than my father had. Her main
education came from a Catholic school; she learned the made it his business, when he met people, to say, My research on both sides of my family. Ive found many doc-
classics there. The school accepted about one percent of name is Max Hilfstein, I am Jewish, and I hope you dont uments and photographs, and I feel a real link to the city.
the class who were Jewish, she said. Her mother was in have a problem with that. There are many archives left, she added. When the war
that one percent. But, of course, her education in Poland They were very much advocates for the Jewish people. started, many archives were hidden, particularly in the
was cut short. She did not graduate from high school then. Simone, who has taught chemistry for 34 years, the last larger towns, she said. Warsaw has a tremendous one,
When she got to this country, my mother got a GED, 25 of them at Tenafly High School, has gone to Poland at that basically was put underground during the war. And
Simone said. And then she got a bachelors degree, and least eight times, she said. Every time I get there, I light Krakow has a huge archive.
then a masters, and then a Ph.D. in the history of science candles and pay my respects in the places where my fam- I didnt realize that before the war, Jews born in Kra-
from City University. She was a Copernican scholar. ily was murdered. Then often she goes to Israel. kow and in other places in Poland were registered.
The Hilfsteins settled in the Bronx. They lived in the Simone also has begun to research her familys history. Their births, their deaths, their marriages, their divorces
Country Club section, which was not particularly Jewish. I have been able to trace my familys roots to the mid- they all were kept in separate, handwritten books. I
My parents decided that they did not want to live in a 1700s in Krakow, she said. Ive been doing genealogical was able to find my grandmothers birth records, and my
W
ere halfway through the sum- reading and go for it in a big way. Choose They certainly are not. You can use a cast after-party.
mer, and school with its sched- the rest of the books in that favorite series newspaper to teach literacy to the young-
ules, academic obligations, or other titles that the author has penned. est of children. How about using the Loving that library
and homework, homework, homework You may also want to help your son or newspaper and its big headlines to have a Libraries are summertime respites. Not
are weeks behind us. Warm weather ac- daughter learn more about the writer. child find and circle the alphabet? Or how only is there often good air-condition-
tivities, camp, and vay or stay-cation are, This could help him or her understand about cutting out a few photographs from ing, but there are myriad programs the
clearly underway. where the stories and where the charac- the newspaper and having an older child library offers to youngsters during the
But dont let the rest of the summer ters came from. Check out the authors write a story about the pictures? There summer months. Many local libraries
cause your children to stray from the website to get more information. Your may be articles that are of interest to your encourage reading projects for the sum-
written word. Educators agree that if you child can write a note to the author after children, such as sports. And dont forget mer. There is often a reward or prize
dont use it, you can lose it. So encour- he or she has read the book. It would be to look at the funny pages. connected to completion of the books.
age them to read and write throughout exciting to get the authors response.
these weeks. Dear diary Listen closely
Here are a few tips to keep those liter- Follow a passion For writing, you can help your child keep There is value in listening to audio books.
ary muscles going. What is it that peaks the interest of your a log of events that take place during the When there is no time to actually read to
son or daughter? Find out which subjects summer. You may want to start with a spe- your child or if youre the driver heading
Taking a trip are most exciting: sports, fashion, gaming, cial notebook and even special colored somewhere, you can listen to an audio
If youre going to be traveling, your young- cooking, you name it, and this is a great pencils. Your child can write a weekly book. While its not the same as actually
sters can help plan the trip. Whether its place to start on a reading adventure. log of events and make it a narrative or reading you can still discuss the book
a day trip or a longer and farther desti- You can find age-appropriate books on a a fiction, as long as he or she is writing. with your family.
nation, you can have your children pick number of nonfiction topics. You can help You may also want to include pictures
a few travel books and research sites that your child make a project about the book. that can be pasted inside the notebook The generation gap
he or she would be interested in visiting. If the child is artistic, he or she can make to illustrate the events. This is not only Make writing an intergenerational experi-
Some places, such as historical Phila- a picture or a graphic novel about the a good writing practice, but in time, your ence. Have your child write out a list of
delphia or Williamsburg, Virginia may book. If your child likes mysteries, they child can enjoy looking at the memento questions about his grandparents lives
even have fictional stories connected to can write an alternative ending.. that he or she created of their sum- growing up. What did he or she do when
that place. mer adventures. they went on vacation? What kind of mu-
Staying closer to home? If youre visit- Family-friendly reading sic was popular? Who were the celebrities
ing an amusement park there may be his- How about reading together? A child need The plays the thing of the day? Then he or she can interview
tory connected to a roller coaster such not be young to hear a bedtime story After your child has read an interesting the grandparents, record the answers,
as the Cyclone in Coney Island that can read aloud. There are plenty of wonderful book, whether its a novel or a nonfiction and learn a little family history.
be researched and read about. Children books that you can read together to each title, help him or her create a play using Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About Our
can also read about the local museums, other. If your child has a bit of dramatic the characters and dialogue. You may Children.
science centers, or theaters they may flare, all the better. Think of all the parts find yourself becoming a stage produc-
be visiting. you can read with emphasis, drama, and tion manager. He or she can enlist sib-
even accents. lings or friends and assign different roles,
T:13
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About
Useful Information for the Next Generation of Jewish Families
August 2017
Generation G. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
Yesterdays World of Tomorrow
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About Our Children is designed to help Jewish families in our area live healthy, positive lives that make the most of REGISTER
the resources available to them. By providing useful, current, accurate information, this publication aims to guide
parents to essential information on faith, education, the arts, events, and child-raising in short, everything that
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todays Jewish family, babies to grandparents, needs to live life to the fullest in North Jersey and Rockland County. HEBREW SCHOOL
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AdvisoryBoard SUNDAY, SEPT. 10
Dr. Annette Berger, Psy.D. Jane Calem Rosen
Psychologist, Teaneck Marketing and Communications Specialist
Michelle Brauntuch, MS,CCLS Barry Weissman, MD
Child Life Specialist, Englewood Hospital, Englewood Pediatrician, Hackensack and Wyckoff Creative, experiential curriculum
Hope Eliasof Cheryl Wylen Computer lab Bar/Bat Mitzvah preparation
Marriage and Family Therapist, Midland Park Director of Adult Programs and Cultural Arts
YM-YWHA of North Jersey, Wayne
Family programming
Howard Prager, DC, DACBSP
Holistic Chiropractor, Oakland Social events/holiday celebrations
Warm, nurturing environment Dedicated faculty
About
OurChildren
James L. Janoff Natalie Jay Slovie Jungreis-Wolff
Synagogue membership not required.
Publisher Advertising Director Ed Silberfarb Marcia Kagedan, Educational Director
Heidi Mae Bratt Peggy Elias Adina Soclof
Editor Janice Rosen Contributing Writers 201-262-7733 edudirector@jccparamus.org
Deborah Herman Brenda Sutcliffe
Art Director Account Executives JCC of Paramus/Congregation Beth Tikvah
About Our Children is published 11 times a year by the New Jersey/Rockland Jewish Media Group, 304 East Midland Avenue, Paramus www.jccparamus.org
1086 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, NJ 07666; telephone: 201-837-8818; fax: 201-833-4959.;
e-mail: AboutOC@aol.com.
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Create & Bounce Art Camps PLACE Special education uniquely integrated within Jewish Day Schools
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70 Eisenhower Dr. Paramus, NJ 07652 424 Market St. Nanuet, NY 10954 www.sinaischools.org/js 201-833-1134
70 Eisenhower Drive Paramus, NJ www.Facebook.com/BounceUNanuet/
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Helping Children
Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep
Through the Night Reserve early
for our
D R . ST E P H A N I E Z A N D I E H room. Remember, the key to having your child sleep
through the night is to have your child learn to fall asleep
O
verall, studies indicate that 15 to 20 percent of
1 to 3 year olds continue to have night wakings.
on her own, so they can put themselves back to sleep
when they naturally awaken during the night. Checkup
Inappropriate sleep associations are the primary
cause of frequent night wakings. Sleep associations are
those conditions that are habitually present at the time
Have a method for checking. If your child cries or
yells, check on him or her. Wait for as long or as short a
time as you wish. For some children, frequent checking
Party
of sleep onset and in the presence of which the infant is effective. For others, infrequent checking works best. Sunday, September 10
or child has learned to fall asleep. These same condi- Continue returning to check on your child as long as she 8:50 AM to 1 PM
tions are then required in order for the infant or child is crying or upset. The visits should be brief (one minute)
to fall back to sleep following periodic normal night- and non-stimulating. Calmly tell your child its time to go 64 kids, 8 hygienists, 4 doctors,
time arousals. to sleep. The purpose of returning to the room is to reas- 1 magician, tons of giveaways
Sleep associations can be appropriate, for example, sure your child that you are still present and to reassure Checkup Parties always fill up early so call
thumb sucking or problematic, such as rocking, nursing, yourself that your child is okay. today to make sure your family is included!
or parental presence. Problematic sleep associations are Respond to your child during the night. In the begin- See our video on YouTube
those that require parental intervention and thus cannot ning, respond to your child as you normally do through- 201-837-3000
be reestablished independently by the child upon awak- out the night. Research indicates that the majority of Teaneck Dentist
ening during the night. children will naturally be sleeping throughout the night Drs. Gertler, Frohlich and Solaimanzadeh
Here are some helpful tips to help your child sleep within 12 weeks of falling asleep quickly and easily at bed- General Dentistry
through the night: time. If your child continues to awaken during the night 1008 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, NJ
www.teaneckdentist.com
Develop an appropriate sleep schedule with an early after several weeks, then use the same checking method
bedtime. Ironically, the more tired your child is, the more during the night as you did at bedtime.
times she will awaken during the night. As such, be sure Take a more gradual approach. Some parents feel
your child continues to take naps during the day and set that not being present when their child falls asleep feels
an early bedtime. like too big of a first step for them and their child. A more
Introduce a security or love object to your child. gradual approach is to teach your child to fall asleep on
A transitional object, like a stuffed toy, doll or blanket, her own, but with you in the room. This approach may
helps a child feel safe and secure when you are not pres- take longer, but it can feel more comfortable for some
ent. Help your child become attached to a security object families. The first step is to put your child into her crib
by including it as a part of the bedtime routine. In addi- awake and sit on a chair next to it. Once she is able to
ART
tion, try to include this object whenever you are cuddling consistently fall asleep this way, sit farther and farther
or comforting your child. away every three to four nights until you are in the hall-
Have a bedtime routine. Establish a consistent bed-
time routine that includes calm and enjoyable activities,
such as a bath and a bedtime story.
way and no longer in sight.
Be consistent and dont give up. The first few
nights are likely to be very challenging and often the
Lessons
Art of Excellence Studio
Unlock your Creativity with Classes in
Create a consistent bedroom environment. Make second or third night is worse than the first night. How- Drawing and Watercolor
sure your childs bedroom environment is the same ever, within a few nights to a week, you will begin to Structured Lessons - Relaxed Atmosphere
at bedtime as it is throughout the night, for example, see improvement. Fabulous Results!
lighting. Age 7 to Adult - All levels of ability
Put your child to bed awake. After the bedtime rou- Stephanie Zandieh, M.D. is the director of the Pediatric Sleep Art Portfolio Preparation Available
Artist, Rina Goldhagen 201-248-4779
tine, put your child into her crib awake and leave the Disorders and Apnea Center The Valley Hospital.
www.artofexcellencestudio.com
W
e are always looking for ways to make our without asking, they can ask for it back. As for parents,
homes peaceful in this modern, chaotic world. instead of getting angry that bikes were left outside, they
Here are some phrases that can instantly in- can calmly request that they be brought back in.
fuse calm into your familys life.
4. Since having a peaceful family is our goal,
1. Lets take a break. how can we work this out?
Whether youre running around doing errands, doing This phrase is a bit corny and is best used with younger
some marathon cooking or cleaning, everyone needs a kids. Its brilliant because it presupposes that having a
bit of a break. Using these phrase helps kids learn that peaceful family is and should be our goal and that it is
it is important to stop, relax and regroup. This phrase is our childrens goal as well. So when everyone is arguing
especially important when kids are having a tough time over where to go out for dinner, what to do for a Sun-
with their homework. A drink, snack or some playtime day activity or who should take out the garbage, this is
can help them get refocused. This phrase is also great to a great phrase to use. Also, if you start using this phrase time talking. You can also say, When would be a good
use when kids are getting on each others nerves. Siblings early, you might still be able to use it when your kids are time to talk? orI need a few minutes of your time to talk
can find different areas in the house to take their breaks teens. It will definitely come along with some eye rolling, about...when will you be available?
from each other. but it will still work.
7. I guess we had a miscommunication.
2. I need to think about it 5. When will you be able to.? Miscommunications occur a lot in families, I thought
When children ask us for that expensive pair of sneakers Instead of telling a child straight out, Take out the gar- you were picking up dinner! Your science fair is tomor-
that all their friends have or the new fashion craze that bage or Set the table! preface the request with When row? I thought you said it was Thursday! The phrase can
doesnt meet with your standard of dress, your instant will you be able to.? The phrase engenders good will smooth things over and teach kids that mistakes in the
no can quickly morph into a fight. Using this phrase and respect. It also implies that you know that the task form of miscommunications are part and parcel of life
helps us press the pause button, giving us some time to will get done. If your child is known for wiggling out of and can be managed with equanimity. It should be fol-
think about the request or come up with a solution (I can doing their chores, or is forgetful, you can add on, Can lowed with, Oh boy, sorry for the miscommunication.
pay half for the sneakers.) It can also give us time to for- you give me a time when it will be done? You can also And some way to rectify the inconvenience of it, Ill put
mulate the no in a way that our children can hear us, say, If it is not done by 5 p.m., how would you like me to up some noodles! Lets all pitch in and help
(I know how badly you want that shirt. Can you think of remind you?
why it wouldnt work?) Adina Soclof is the director of Parent Outreach for A+
6. Is this a good time to talk? Solutions, facilitating How to Talk so Kids will Listen and
3. We dont accuse; we focus on solutions. When you need to have a serious conversation with any- Listen so Kids will Talk and Siblings Without Rivalry work-
This phrase tops everyone from pointing fingers and one in your family, you need to gage their mood. I find shops. She is available for speaking engagements. Check out
teaches kids to move towards finding a solution. When this to be especially true with boys who have a harder www.parentingsimply.com for more information.
T
hese four simple habits can change Thinking thankfulness means that Does your husband need a night out with a great night out. But keep it private. Inti-
the way you love and help you build each day I consciously take time to con- you? Could your wife use an hour to rest? macy is both physical and emotional.
a home filled with peace, gratitude, sider my blessings. Do I cherish having Relationships are all about loving- Make it a habit to put your phone
and kindness. a spouse at my side? Do I appreciate the kindness. We do for each other not be- away when spending time together. Cre-
sounds of children? Do I realize how for- cause we need to even out the score ate no phone zones like mealtime, date
S: Smile tunate I am to live in a place I call home? but because we desire to create an en- night, the moment you awake in the
Greeting your spouse with a smile means Then there are the little moments vironment of goodness. Be kind to your morning, and the moment you return at
that no matter how difficult my day, I am through which I can cultivate gratitude. A spouse. See what they see. Feel what they night. Protecting your borders means
happy to see you. Its a small act that warm dinner, a carpool driven, a listening feel. Ask yourself, what can I do for my that you establish routines to maintain
yields a powerful impact. You may have ear, if we decide to contemplate we will spouse today? How can I help make my your connection.
had a huge disappointment at work, a undoubtedly uncover the gifts that our partners life better? Be careful not to fall into the pattern
child is wearing you down, and you are relationship brings. Opening your eyes to your partners of confiding your spousal disappoint-
feeling overwhelmed, but if you communi- Marriage thrives on gratitude. A needs keeps compassion alive and shows ments to family and friends. There is no
cate love the challenge will not leave your thankless spouse grows into a thought- your spouse that you care. benefit to be gained. They may unknow-
relationship tattered. less ingrate; expecting more while car- ingly encourage you to damage your re-
Body language impacts us. A sour de- ing less. P: Protect your borders lationship. If need be, find a professional
meanor creates a chill in the air. A smile Think thankfulness and find a way to Some couples are in the toxic habit of post- or Rabbi/Rebbetzin/therapist to help you
draws us close. Even if you dont feel like it, express your appreciation. Watch the de- ing their lives online. Every gift, new piece navigate any challenges. Guard this most
be sure to greet your spouse with a pleas- light in the eyes of your spouse and see of furniture, dinner out, or beach vacation cherished connection, the bond between
ant face. One of my fathers favorite sayings your love grow. is immediately seen on Instagram and Face- husband and wife.
was Smile even if you dont have reason book. We are so busy sharing with others
Aish.com
to smile and God will give you the reason. O: Open your eyes to the needs of we neglect to share the moment with our
your spouse partner. Besides, why the need to expose Slovie Jungreis-Wolff is a parenting and
T: Thankfulness We live in a selfie world where we focus our lives? Comparing is never healthy. Re- couples counselor and educator and the
Its easy to focus on what bothers us in- our lens on ourselves and all too often ne- sentment and jealousy grows. author of Raising a Child With Soul, (St.
stead of all that is good. We can enter a glect to observe those around us. The Talmud teaches us that blessing Martins Press). She is the daughter of the
room and see chaos or we can be grateful Take a step back and really look comes from that which is hidden. Yes, en- late Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis.
T
hey called it The World of Tomor- inghouse came close with Electro, the
row, the 1939 New York Worlds talking robot that had a 700-word vocabu-
Fair, the second largest exposition lary specializing in insults.
in U.S. history. Only the 1904 St. Louis fair My brain is bigger than yours, it
was bigger. For nine-year-old Ted it was told Ted.
Magic Land. The Trylon and Perisphere The Heinz food exhibit had attractions
dominated. The Trylon was a 700-foot of a different sort. It offered little pins de-
shaft that seemed to pierce the sky, and picting Heinz products including minia-
the Perisphere, a giant globe that, lo and ture pickles, bottles of ketchup and cans
behold, one could enter after only a few of beans. Ted left, his chest adorned with
hours wait and look down from a moving Heinz mementos.
balcony to see a huge city in miniature. R.C.A. astounded Ted with a magic box
That was just a prelude to what Gen- that displayed a talking picture, seem-
eral Motors had to offer, The Futurama. ingly plucked from the air. It was called
The wait on that line was even longer, but television. One side of the box was glass
once inside there was a ride on a movable so Ted could see the tubes and wires. No,
chair that gave Ted a spectacular view it was not a hoax.
of sleek highways, farms, towns and, of Across the way, two young women
course, cars of the future. were having a tug-of-war with a thread
Then to the A.T.&T. exhibit, and more made of something called nylon. They
waiting on line. Why? Ted wondered. He were showing how strong it was, but Ted
soon found that out of every group of didnt think it would be of much use
10 on line, one person would win a free To escape the summer heat Ted and
phone call anywhere in the country. A his parents found refuge in the Chrysler
long distance phone call in those Depres- exhibit where they could see how a car
sion years was a glittering prize, and, won- was assembled while they cooled off with
der of wonders, Ted was a winner. strangely refrigerated air. And in the I.B.M.
Who to call? He consulted his parents. building, Ted saw a machine that could
They knew no one in Los Angeles, Chi- actually solve his fifth-grade math prob-
cago, New Orleans or Miami. They lived lems, an electric calculator.
in Jersey City. So did his grandparents. For a small fee one could enter the
He could call them, but they were just a amphitheater and see Billy Roses Aqua-
few miles across the river, hardly a long cade, a thrilling display of diving and syn-
distance call. Then they realized that Bal- chronized swimming, mostly by young
timore, where Teds aunt and uncle lived, ladies scantily clad in bathing suits. Ted, The Fair wasnt just for spectators. though, he put to use eagerly. It was a
was a respectable 180 miles away, a dis- who had recently passed his fifth grade There were activities for the daring and bamboo Chinese backscratcher.
tance worthy of what would have been a pool test, was awed by the swimmers for adventurous. Ted worked up courage and In 1939, soon after the Fair opened, Ger-
scandalously expensive phone call. whom water seemed their natural habitat. rode the roller coaster, which went zoom- many invaded Poland and World War II
Hi. Aunt Sylvia, this is Ted. Two of them were famous, Eleanor Holm ing up and down hills, around curves and had begun. The Czech pavilion closed and
Ted, honey, whats wrong? and Johnny Weissmuller, who wasnt just plunged downward before climbing up to wouldnt reopen the next year. Before clos-
He calmed her with the extraordinary a swimmer. Ted knew him as Tarzan of do it all over again. Ted was wobbly when ing its exhibit Great Britain moved its most
story of the free phone call. the movies. it was over. precious document, the Magna Carta, for
Nearby was a steel frame tower with a safekeeping to Fort Knox. The Poland pa-
ring of seats on top. People sat in the seats, vilion was closed and draped in black.
which dropped from a terrifying height, When the Fair closed in 1940, a year
then were caught just before hitting the before Pearl Harbor, Japans pavilion, one
ground. It was called The Parachute Jump, of the most dazzling of all the nations,
one of the most popular attractions at the displayed a mural dedicated To Eternal
Fair. Ted decided to pass it up. Peace and Friendship between America
From the rides and amusements to the and Japan. By then, the theme of the Fair
Esplanade of Nations was a giant leap to had been changed from The World of
the exotic. There were displays from 60 Tomorrow to For Peace and Freedom.
countries. Even China, which was being Ted hoped for another visit. There was
ravished by a cruel war halfway around still more to see and do.
the world, made its presence known at
the Fair. Teds favorite souvenir was a six- Ed Silberfarb was a reporter for the Bergen
inch statuette of a Buddha made of pol- Record in New Jersey, then the New York
ished wood. He was told if he rubbed its Herald Tribune where he was City Hall bureau
round belly, a wish would come true. Ted chief. Later, he was a public information offi-
was reluctant to try. He thought it was cer for the New York City Transit Authority and
disrespectful. His other remembrance, editor of one of its employee publications.
TopChoices A U G U S T 2 0 17
CO M P I L E D BY H E I D I M A E B RAT T
The Feisty Eloise the scaliest residents, and learn about the relationship between reptiles and
dinosaurs, or practice removing fossils from blocks of rock. There is also
DaybyDay
West Side Story through special arrangement Teaneck. 201-837-4171,www.teaneck.org.
with Music Theatre International (MTI). West Side Dog Days of Summer Newark Museum:
Story is one of the most memorable musicals Outdoor movies for dogs and their pet owners.
and greatest love stories of all time. 8 p.m. Also Free for members, Newark residents, children
Aug. 5, 8 p.m. and Aug. 6 3 p.m. bergenPAC,
Monday, July 31 30 N. Van Brunt St., Englewood, 201-227-1030,
under 10 and furry friends. $10 others. Showing
Good Boy! 8:30 to 10 p.m. 49 Washington St.,
Stettheimer Summer Monday: Illustrate stories www.bergenpac.org. Newark, 973-569-6550.
using watercolor crayons within unique accordion
books based on the images found in Florine Tuesday, August 8 Sunday, August 20
Stettheimers artwork, an exhibition on display. Free movie in Bergenfield: Hotel Transylvania Jersey Shore Comics & Costumes Summer
1 to 4 p.m. Ages 3 and up. Free with admission. 2 plays for free 10 a.m. at Bow Tie Bergenfield Show: Comic book festival featuring vendors, art-
The Jewish Museum, 1109 Fifth Ave., Manhattan. Cinema 5, 58 S. Washington Ave., Bergenfield. ists, writers, costume groups, crafts. Raffles, door
212-423-3200, www.thejewishmuseum.org. 201-385-1600. prizes, costume contest. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Toms
Tuesday, August 1 Toddler Time at the Teaneck Library: Story
time for children up to 2 years old. Meets at 10
River Elks, 600 Washington St., Toms River. 609-
242-7756, www.jerseyshorecomicbookshow.com.
Toddler Time at the Teaneck Library: Story time a.m. and 11 a.m. Teaneck Public Central Library, Maywood Summer Street Fair: Entertainment,
for children up to 2 years old. Meets at 10 a.m. 840 Teaneck, Road, Teaneck. 201-837-4171. live music, kiddie rides, food, pony rides, clowns
and 11 a.m. Teaneck Public Central Library, 840 www.teaneck.org. and more. Free. 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. West Pleasant
Teaneck, Road, Teaneck. 201-837-4171. www.
Avenue, Maywood.
teaneck.org. Wednesday, August 9 Family Woodland Hike at New Jersey Botanical
Free movie in Bergenfield: Kung Fu Panda Free movie in Bergenfield: Hotel Transylvania Garden: A child-friendly hike in the gardens
3 plays for free 10 a.m. at Bow Tie Bergenfield 2 plays for free 10 a.m. at Bow Tie Bergenfield woodlands where youll learn about plants and
Cinema 5, 58 S. Washington Ave., Bergenfield. Cinema 5, 58 S. Washington Ave., Bergenfield. animals. Younger children may need to be car-
201-385-1600. 201-385-1600 ried. Wear sturdy shoes. Meet at the Carriage
Wednesday, August 2 Crafts at Bergen Town Center: The Summer
Craft Series at The Outlets at Bergen Town
House Visitor Center. Free. 1 p.m. 2 Morris Road,
Ringwood. www.njbg.org.
Free movie in Bergenfield: Kung Fu Panda Center features a different craft each week in
3 plays for free 10 a.m. at Bow Tie Bergenfield Center Court. Children must be accompanied Monday, August 21
Cinema 5, 58 S. Washington Ave., Bergenfield. by an adult. 1 Bergen Town Center, Paramus, Jersey Shore Comics & Costumes Summer Enrollment Night at My Gym, Glen Rock: Check
201-385-1600. bergentowncenter.com Show, see Sunday, August 20. out what My Gym in Glen Rock is about. Meet the
Thursday, August 3 Thursday, August 10 barbecue/family service/gym time, for prospective
staff and see the clean and bright facility. Specials
will be offered. 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. 522 South
Lap Time at the Teaneck Library: Story time for Lap Time at the Teaneck Library: Story time for families and their children, 6:30 p.m. East 304 Broad St., Glen Rock. 201-444-4644. www.
infants not yet walking. Meets at 11 a.m. Teaneck infants not yet walking. Meets at 11 a.m. Teaneck Midland Ave. Free, but reservations are required. mygymm.com/glenrock.
Public Central Library, 840 Teaneck Road, Public Central Library, 840 Teaneck Road, (201) 983-9430, email hblesq@yahoo.com, or
Teaneck. 201-837-4171, www.teaneck.org. Teaneck. 201-837-4171, www.teaneck.org. go to www.jccparamus.org. Tuesday, August 15 Thursday, August 24
Broadway in Bryant Park: The most popular
shows on and off Broadway perform their biggest
Broadway in Bryant Park: The most popular Tuesday, August 15 Dog Days of Summer Newark Museum:
Outdoor movies for dogs and their pet owners.
shows on and off Broadway perform their biggest
hits. 12:30 to 1:30 p.m. Bryant Park, W. 42 St., and Free movie in Bergenfield: Cloudy with a Free for members, Newark residents, children
hits. 12:30 to 1:30 p.m. Bryant Park, W. 42 St.,
6th and 5th Avenues, Manhattan. www.bryantpark. Chance of Meatballs 2 plays for free 10 a.m. at under 10 and furry friends. $10 others. Showing
and 6th and 5th Avenues, Manhattan. www.bry-
org/programs/broadway-in-bryant-park. Bow Tie Bergenfield Cinema 5, 58 S. Washington Hotel for Dogs 8:30 to 10 p.m. 49 Washington
antpark.org/programs/broadway-in-bryant-park.
Ave., Bergenfield. 201-385-1600. St., Newark, 973-569-6550.
Friday, August 4 Friday, August 11 Toddler Time at the Teaneck Library: Story time Summer Reading Party Finale: Fun, snacks, and
West Side Story at bergenPAC: The Performing Shabbat in Paramus: The JCC of Paramus/ for children up to 2 years old. Meets at 10 a.m. prizes. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. Teaneck Public
Arts School at bergenPAC will be presenting Congregation Beth Tikvah hosts an open house/ and 11 a.m. Teaneck Public Central Library, 840 Central Library, 840 Teaneck Road, Teaneck. 201-
Teaneck, Road, Teaneck. 201-837-4171. www. 837-4171, www.teaneck.org.
teaneck.org
Thursday, August 17
Lap Time at the Teaneck Library: Story time for
infants not yet walking. Meets at 11 a.m. Teaneck West Side Story, see Friday, August 4
Stettheimer Summer Monday, see Monday, July 31 Public Central Library, 840 Teaneck Road,
Family-Centered Services
Sadie and Aidan Gomberg
Sadie Gomberg was born on June 16 at
Noa and Ella Gomberg
Meital and Matthew Gomberg of Valley
At Temple Beth Tikvah
Holy Name Medical Center in Teaneck to Cottage, N.Y. She joins a big sister, Ella
Leah and Alex Gomberg of Fair Lawn. She Liat, 2. Their grandparents are Debbie and Temple Beth Tikvah in Wayne is offer- other high-holiday services will continue
joins a big brother, Aidan, 3. Their grand- Kenny Gomberg of New City, N.Y., and ing new family-centered high holy days as usual.
parents are Debbie and Kenny Gomberg Osnat and Haim Geri of Aventura, Fla. services where families will help lead Children of all ages are welcome.
of New City, N.Y., and Michele and Avi the participatory services, which will The new Gates of Repentance for Young
The girls, first cousins, both weighed 7
Mazala of Roxbury.
pounds, 4 ounces, and were both 19 include conversation, prayer, song and People, a Machzor (High Holiday prayer
Noa Mati Gomberg was born on July 9 at inches long. storytelling. book) designed for families with children
Holy Name Medical Center in Teaneck to The new Family-Friendly Services are aged 8 and older, will be used
not childrens services. Rather, they are For more information, tbtritual@
designed for parents to worship with their gmail.com or notify Lisa George,
children. Grandparents are welcomed, as 201-406-8677 or JLGeorge17@aol.com.
RYAN WIEN well. It will replace the late morning ser- Temple Beth Tivkah, 950 Preakness Ave.,
Ryan Wien (Ruven Levi), son of Julie and Lawrence Wien and vice on Rosh Hashanah Day 1, and the Wayne, is a Reform Jewish Congregation
brother of Tyler, is attending New York Universitys Steinhardt late morning service on Yom Kippur. All founded in 1956.
Summer Intensive Art Program for high school students. He
is one of 54 accepted students worldwide. The program runs
through August 6, and in September, he will begin his junior year at
High Northern Valley Old Tappan High School.
School
Corner
Ryan has special needs and has overcome many obstacles
throughout the years. His passion is in digital art enjoys painting
and drawing. The family belongs to Chabad of Old Tappan led
PARTY
by Rabbi Mendy Lewis. His grandparents are Edith and the late
Stephen S. Wien of Alpine, and Kenneth H. Lynn and Susan Lynn of
Farmington Hills, Mich.
B'nai Mitzvah
973-661-9368
Include:
1 hours of skating (during public session)
Private decorated party room
Off ice party attendant
Skate rental
MOLLIE GOOD JENNIFER MASON Invitations for party guests
Mollie Good, daughter of Julie and Charles Jennifer Mason, daughter of Mindy and Pizza and soda
Daniel Mason of Oakland, and sister of Personalized Carvel ice cream cake
Good of Oakland, and sister of Benjamin, Favors and candy
10, celebrated becoming a bat mitzvah Krystal, 11, celebrated becoming a bat mitz- FREE skating pass for future use
on June 10, at Barnert Temple in Franklin vah on June 3 at Barnert Temple in Franklin Birthday child receives FREE Ice Vault T shirt
Lakes. Lakes.
www.ValleyMedicalGroup.com
Editorial
Saluting courage keeping the faith
T
dead and seems to lurch zombie-like into
our future we concentrate on those peo- his coming Monday evening not only begins the The Torah does not memorialize catastrophes. They will
ple who manage to rise above the physical to give gruesome 25-hour fast known as Tisha BAv (the not be forgotten because they are on record, and that is con-
more than it seems possible that anyone could give. Ninth of Av), it also marks the beginning of the end sidered to be enough in the Torahs view.
Rabbi Shelley Kniaz joins the select but growing of two distinct but congruent periods of mourning On the other hand, elsewhere in the Tanach, we are told
list of local organ donors. Like Barbara Goldin, the the Three Weeks and its final Nine Days. of four public fasts (see Zechariah 8:19), as well as private
rebbetzin of Congregation Ahavath Torah in Engle- Should these mourning periods even be on our calendar? fasts (see, for example, II Samuel 12:2223), and one-time
wood, like Cantor Eric Wasser, then of the Fair The Three Weeks, with its proscriptions against listening fasts following calamities (see Judges 20:26, I Samuel 7:6
Lawn Jewish Center, like Rabbi Ephraim Simon to music, going to celebrations, cutting hair and shaving and 14:24, and II Chronicles 20:3.) There also were fasts
of Chabad Teaneck, like Rabbi Larry Rothwachs and such, began on the Fast of the 17th of Tammuz (Shi- meant to thwart calamities, the most famous of which were
of Congregation Beth Aaron, Rabbi Kniaz put her vah Asar bTammuz). The Nine Days, which involve even the spontaneous fasts that broke out throughout Persia after
own comfort far behind her desire to help some- more stringent mourning rituals, began last Sunday at sun- Hamans plot was revealed, and the three-day fast Esther
one else. down, at the start of the month of Av. These additional ritu- ordered in Shushan before she approached the king. (See
(And of course we know that not all kidney als include refraining from eating meat or drinking wine, Esther 4:3 and 16; note that there is nothing in the Book of
donors are clergy or clergy-adjacent. These are just except on Shabbat; bathing, except under very Esther that ordains a permanent annual fast,
the public names that come to mind. This is the strict guidelines; doing laundry; and wearing however.)
opposite of an exhaustive list.) new clothes (or even pressed ones, according All this leads to question whether the Three
Rabbi Kniaz, as the story on page 10 shows, to some communities). Weeks should be abolished, and whether the
wanted to give her kidney to Cantor Leon Lissek, a The Three Weeks marks the time between restrictive rules relating to the Nine Days
beloved Holocaust survivor. She could not they the breaching of Jerusalems walls and the should be refined. To do both would seem
were not compatible. But her donated kidney put destruction of the Temple. According to tra- to be consistent with the Torahs view, and in
him at the top of the list in the way that Jewish dition, the breach occurred on the 17th of keeping with the views of our Sages of Blessed
connections and small-worldedness seems to work, Tammuz, leading to the Temples destruction Memory.
he will be getting a kidney from the daughter of exactly three weeks later, on Tisha BAv. Each To begin with, the Sages believed that exces-
the president of his old Midwestern shul and she day during this period brought us closer to Shammai sive mourning can have fatal consequences.
saved someone elses life with hers. great calamity. Thus, the entire period is des- Engelmayer (See BT Moed Katan 27b.)
Not everyone can do this. Not everyone is ignated for public mourning. Then there is the matter of the four public
healthy enough, not everyone is strong enough, According to Jeremiah 39:2 and 52:6, how- fasts noted in Zechariah 8:19the fast of the
and to be straightforward not everyone is brave ever, the walls of Jerusalem in the First Temple period were fourth month [Tammuz] and the fast of the fifth [Tisha BAv]
enough. (Im not!) But we salute the wonderful breached on the Ninth of Tammuz, not the 17th. (That is and the fast of the seventh [the Fast of Gedaliah on the third
people who are. when the walls were said to have been breached before the of Tishrei] and the fast of the tenth [month, meaning the
Also this week, we hear the story of Simone Hil- Second Temples destruction.) As for Tisha BAv, according Tenth of Tevet]. Zechariah, quoting God, says of those fast
fstein Scheumann, who rode with 160 others from to II Kings 25:8-9, the First Temple was destroyed on the sev- days that they will one day become occasions for joy and
Auschwitz to the Krakow JCC, to raise funds for enth of Av, while Jeremiah 52:12 claims it happened on the gladness, happy festivals.
a preschool at the JCC (young Jewish children in tenth. No biblical source claims the ninth, however. What is that supposed to mean? Said [the Babylonian
Krakow!) despite Krakow being the city where her (The Jerusalem Talmud supports the 17th of Tammuz sage] Rav Papa: This is what it says: In times of peace, [these
parents and many relatives were deported, most as the day the walls were breached in the case of the First days] shall be for joy and gladness; if [it is a time when]
to their deaths. Temple. A Tosafot in the Babylonian Talmud Tractate Rosh there is government persecution, they shall be fast days; if
It is a story of life rising from death; it does not Hashanah 18b explains that the Jerusalem Talmud believed there is neither government persecution nor peace, those
at all diminish the scope of the depraved horror the two verses in Jeremiah were corrupted.) who wish to do so may fast while those who do not wish to
of those deaths to acknowledge the life now. But The Torah, as I noted in my pre-Tisha BAv column last do so do not fast. (See BT Rosh Hashanah 18b)
the Polish countryside is beautiful, and the exalta- year, says nothing about mourning calamities of the past. While Jews in most parts of the world are free from for-
tion of being out in that green-and-blue loveliness, The lifestyle the Torah prescribes celebrates life; it does not mal government persecution, the Jews in Israel (and argu-
feeling their legs and hearts and lungs at straining burden life by establishing memorials to the catastrophes of ably in France and elsewhere) cannot be said to be living in
work, helps people strain despite death toward life. yesteryear. It does not ask us, for example, to mark the hor- total peace. The Talmud, therefore, seems to suggest that
We salute everyone strong and brave enough to rific mass murder of the newborn male children in Egypt, or these four fasts are optional at this time. The only excep-
do these things. the murderous attack Amalek launched against our elderly, tion, according to Rav Papa, is Tisha BAv, because so many
We wish those of our readers who fast on Tisha infirm, and very young during the march to Sinai. other calamities occurred on that date since Zechariahs
BAv an easy and meaningful fast, and we wish all
of our readers a happier August. JP Shammai Engelmayer is rabbi of Temple Israel Community Center | Congregation Heichal Yisrael in Cliffside Park and
Temple Beth El of North Bergen.
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F
the start of Av we decrease our rejoicing, but it lim-
its serious mourning rituals only to the days leading or quite some time, liberal American Jewish requiring a charity run by Catholic nuns to violate its
up to Tisha BAv in the week in which the fast actually leaders have condemned Israels government religious beliefs by helping the government provide
falls, not from the First of Av. This is repeated in BT for refusing to devote sufficient resources to employees with contraception, abortifacients, and
- Yevamot 43a: During the week in which the Ninth of an egalitarian prayer site at the Western Wall sterilizations.
Av occurs, it is forbidden to cut the hair and to wash the Kotel. The very first brief filed in this case was submitted by
clothes. The most restrictive rules, according to BT In doing so, however, some of these leaders have acted a group of Orthodox Jewish rabbis, of which I was one.
Taanit 26b, relate only to the day before Tisha BAv: in a hypocritical and myopic manner, taking a maximal- Other Orthodox Jewish groups soon lined up behind the
On Erev Tisha BAv, one does not eat two cooked ist position on religious liberty abroad and a nuns as well. The Conservative movement
6 dishes [during the same meal, because this suggests minimalist one at home. Indeed, we could did not submit a brief in the case. The URJ,
feasting; presumably, this is limited to the final meal describe their behavior as worse than hyp- CCAR, AJC, and JCPA, however, went so
before the fast], and does not eat meat nor drink wine. ocritical. For while they have demanded far as to tell the court that Catholic nuns
r Interestingly, Rambam (Maimonides) qualifies this. that the government of Israel build a public have no right to determine when their own
r He avers that not eating meat is the accepted custom prayer space suited to their own sensibili- religious beliefs are being burdened sub-
in the week in which Tisha BAv falls, but he seems to ties, here in America they have opposed the stantially by governmental action. Only a
f consider that an option. Of the rule in BT Taanit itself, individual rights of Catholic nuns to practice judge, they claimed, can make this deter-
, their own faith without government com- mination. It is not clear to me how these
pulsion. This contradictory conduct begs Jewish groups are being any more generous
the question: do American Jews support reli- Rabbi to the nuns than Israels government, influ-
gious liberty unreservedly, or are we merely Mitchell enced by charedim, was to the Women of
The period known as looking out for our own interests? Rocklin the Wall when it told them that they are not
As a reservist military chaplain, one of burdened substantially by being unable to
the Three Weeks is a my roles, for more than a decade, has been gather publicly for prayer at the Kotel in the
stringency that does to provide for the free exercise of religion by all military way that they pleased. In one case, they argued, Catholic
personnel. Countless Jewish chaplains carry out this nuns effectively had no private freedom of religion in the
- not appear to be mission, whether in the military, hospitals, prisons, or face of government demands. In the other, they argued
. supported by the other institutions. In fact, one of the hallmarks of a good that Israeli government demands must not only make
chaplain is that he takes the free exercise of religion so way for egalitarian prayer groups, but must fund and
practice of our seriously that he works equally hard to help members provide for them in a governmental prayer area as well.
Sages, and even the of other faiths as he works for his own co-religionists. If liberal Jewish organizations cannot find it in their
] And while not all Americans are obligated to provide for hearts to protect religious liberty in the United States,
Fast of the 17th of others in the way that a chaplain is, we should all fight a country without established religion, then I wonder
Tammuz would seem for the right of others to practice their religion freely. what it is we are trying to accomplish by seeking to pro-
t Jews, more than most, certainly should understand the tect religious access in Israel, a country with an estab-
to be at best an importance of this freedom and of peaceful coexistence. lished religion. Espousing both of these views is incoher-
option in our day. In the case of the Kotel, liberal Jewish groups have ent in the extreme.
n argued that the State of Israel, a country with an estab- Unfortunately, the URJ, the CCAR, the AJC, and the
lished and government-supported religion, must accom- JCPA have not displayed any signs of changing their
] he says it applies only when on Erev Tisha BAv a per- modate a minority: egalitarian worshippers who wish views on religious liberty right here in America. Indeed,
f son ate [the final meal before the fast] after midday. If, to conduct communal egalitarian services at the Kotel. the Anti-Defamation League took a similar position, sup-
however, he eats [that final meal] before midday, he Whatever your views on this issue, this is a coherent porting a Colorado government effort to force a Chris-
may eat whatever he desires. (See his Mishneh Torah argument. In Israel, the state both protects individu- tian bakery to make a customized wedding cake with a
Taanit 5:8.) als free exercise of religion and regulates the practice message that it did not agree with. This constitutes not
- The period known as the Three Weeks is a strin- of religion in those religious facilities that are public (as merely a violation of freedom of religion, but a violation
- gency that does not appear to be supported by the opposed to private) whether they are synagogues, rit- of freedom of speech.
practice of our Sages, and even the Fast of the 17th of ual baths, or the Kotel plaza. Therefore, the argument But it is not too late. The Supreme Court recently
t Tammuz would seem to be at best an option in our day. goes, the state ought to accommodate all worshippers decided to grant an appeal for the above-mentioned
- While the Nine Days were seen by the Sages as a time who wish to worship in these public places, providing case in Colorado: Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado
y of limited mourning, only the days of the week leading them with the opportunity to pray as they please. Civil Rights Commission. This case marks an opportu-
up to Tisha BAv were seen as restrictive by them, and This is complicated in Israel, since it involves the nity for Jews of all denominations to rally behind the
the most severe rules applied only to the day before government investing resources, as opposed to merely First Amendment, insisting that we will protect freedom
Tisha BAv, and on Tisha BAv itself. allowing individuals their free exercise rights. The of speech and freedom of religion for all, regardless of
Perhaps, this is how we should approach these days, Israeli governments compromise regarding the Kotel, whether we agree with any particular speech or religion.
as well. How sad it is, then, that merely raising such for instance, involved spending money and dealing with As American Jews, we have enough to do in our own
questions can get someone labeled a heretic. That cer- archeological problems in order to expand the current backyard before delving into Israeli matters. The ques-
tainly is a reason to fast on Tisha BAv. egalitarian space on the southern end of the Kotel. This tion is whether this time, unlike in Little Sisters of the
is, therefore, a political decision, and not a simple one of Poor, liberal Jewish organizations will support the cuase
individual rights. But the liberal argument is quite logi- of protecting the most fundamental rights we having as
cal here, whether you agree with it or not. Americans the rights of private individuals to speak
The same cannot be said for what the Union for and worship as they please.
The opinions expressed in this section are those of
Reform Judaism, the Central Conference of American
the authors, not necessarily those
Rabbis, the American Jewish Committee, and the Jew- Rabbi Mitchell Rocklin is a resident research fellow at the
of the newspapers editors, publishers, or other ish Council for Public Affairs argued in a friend of the Tikvah Fund. He is also a chaplain with the rank of captain
staffers. We welcome letters to the editor. court brief to the U.S. Supreme Court just last year. in the New Jersey Army National Guard and a doctoral
Send them to jstandardletters@gmail.com. The case in question was called Little Sisters of the candidate in U.S. history at the City University of New York.
Poor v. Burwell, and it involved the federal government He lives in Teaneck with his wife and two daughters.
A
t the risk of giving you an earworm, Id like of indisputable historical facts are denied. federal civil service, which previously had
to play a revised version of Sesame Streets Thus, the ideology of Gandhis assassin has been either ignored or downplayed, also
(slightly renamed) Which of These Things Are been excised from at least one Indian states finally are getting the public notice, discus-
Not Like the Others song/game. history curriculum, the Soviet Union liter- sion, and place in American history courses
1. New Orleans removing the statute of Robert E. Lee and ally erased faces of purged Communist Party they deserve.
other Confederate statues, monuments, and memorials. leaders from important photographs, and I dont deny that something is, in fact,
2. Yale renaming the John Calhoun residential college. the cleansing of North Korean newspapers happening, but its not erasing history.
3. Proposing that Princeton delete Woodrow Wilsons online archives eradicated any history they Rather, by finally recognizing a more
name from its School of Public & International Affairs and contained. And ignoring the facts establish- comprehensive story, it is honors and
a residential college. ing the millennia-old relationships between Joseph C. glorification, not history, that are being
4. Removing the names of former school presidents Jews and Jerusalem and Israel is an attempt Kaplan rethought, removed, and erased. The pur-
from Georgetown University buildings. which so far and hopefully forever will be pose of the Battle of Liberty Place Monu-
5. Limiting the display of the Confederate flag. unsuccessful to erase those relationships ment and others like it, of flying the Con-
6. Removing the fact that the assassin of Gandhi was from humanitys memory. The same is true with respect federate flag, and of putting names on buildings was not
a Hindu nationalist from an Indian states social studies to Holocaust denial. to teach history. It was to honor sometimes intention-
textbooks. The reason that none of the first group is erasing his- ally, sometimes not white supremacy, either in the
7. The Kremlins altering photographs by removing tory is simple. Indeed it is almost a tautology; no history guise of a terrorist group that attempted to overthrow
images of purged officials. is being erased. Photographs and textbooks arent being New Orleans integrated government and police force
8. UNESCOs denying the historical connection between censored or altered, curricula arent being red-penciled, during Reconstruction, of rebels who fought for the
the Jewish people and Jerusalem and similar denials by newspaper stories arent being destroyed, and undeni- right to continue to own enslaved people, and of those
others of a Jewish connection to eretz Yisrael. able facts arent being, well, denied. To the contrary, the people who often in addition to praiseworthy activities
9. North Korean state newspapers deleting 99 percent changes proposed and/or carried out represent an also participated in the slave trade, passionately pro-
of their online archives. honest attempt to come to grips with a more complete, moted slavery as positive good, or used their power to
10. Denying that Jews were gassed in Auschwitz. and often more complicated, picture of a history that until increase discrimination.
First, the similarities. All of these actions have been now had been bowdlerized. Removing these monuments, symbols, and names
called, by some, erasing history. Now the differences: For example, whether or not Wilsons name continues rejects and tries to remove this honor and glorification.
numbers 6 through 10 do, in fact, attempt to erase history. to grace Princetons buildings, his laudable successes as (Those are words supporters rarely use.) But the history
Numbers 1 through 5 do not. president (including his important support of the Bal- remains.
Let me explain. four Declaration) still will be taught and written about, Ironically, some of those who shout youre erasing his-
In the second group, either historical facts are physi- as they should be. Now, however, his racist policies tory the loudest are the ones actually holding the erasers
cally removed from the public record or the existence and deplorable institutionalizing of segregation in the in their hands. Those who proudly wave the Confederate
T
he 1960s were a transformational decade in the life within the American Jewish community has with family members and close friends, I was
of American Jewry. In my last op-ed, at the end been to confront intermarriage with hostility, challenged to explain why my position was not
of May, I shared with you my reflections upon the and to equate intermarriage with the loss of Jew- a hypocritical cop-out. How can I balance my
Six Day War, recalling both the impact the semi- ish identity. But the 2013 Pew research study of continued personal commitment to engage in
nal event had upon me as a 19-year-old college freshman, and American Jewry has called the perception that proactive outreach to interfaith families but not
how the results and consequences of the 1967 war continue there is a direct correlation between intermar- officiate at weddings unless both partners are
to play a role in the unfolding of world history, Jewish history, riage and assimilation into question. Jewish? Can I applaud actions of colleagues if I
and the relationship between Israeli and American Jewry. Opposition to intermarriage is not limited to will not do them myself?
The 1960s also were a time of great social change within the Orthodox community. Both the Reform and My decision not to officiate at interfaith wed-
America. While American Jews were not the primary focus of Conservative movements have longstanding res- Rabbi Neal I. dings is not based upon a fear of assimilation,
either the Civil Rights Act or the legislation that created Medi- olutions against rabbinic officiation at interfaith Borovitz which is a larger issue and food for thought
care and Medicaid, both of these historic legislative achieve- marriages. However, to quote the strange and for a future column. Rather, it is my personal
ments have greatly affected American Jewish life. I hope that often estranged Jewish Nobel Prize winner Bob interpretation of the meaning of marriage and
all of you are reaching out actively to Congress to protect the Dylan, The times they are a changin. Recently, a number of the Jewish wedding ceremony that keeps me from doing it.
Medicare and Medicaid funding that is so vital to so many my colleagues whom I know and respect, in both the Reform The Jewish ceremony is meant to be a miniature covenant, in
Americans, including the vast majority of the residents of and Conservative movements, have announced publicly that which the couple not only makes promises to each other, but
Jewish nursing homes across America. The Civil Rights Act they are changing their position and in the future will officiate also, as a new family, embraces their shared covenant with
opened educational opportunities, made discrimination in at interfaith weddings if the couple is committed to establish- their Jewish community. Therefore, it is assumed that both
housing illegal, and opened previously closed doors of univer- ing a Jewish home. people are Jewish. Under Jewish law, the presence of a rabbi
sities and neighborhoods to Jews, along with other minorities. I applaud them for their thoughtful stance, even though at at a wedding is unnecessary. (Halacha requires only two Jew-
While the impact of the Six Day War contributed to this point I am not going to change my personal position. I do ish witnesses.) Rabbinic officiation at weddings is, however, a
increased pride and commitment to world Jewry, the opening not officiate at interfaith wedding ceremonies. I also find that centuries-old tradition, insurance that the ceremony would be
of opportunity in the 1960s resulted in American Jews becom- my position has evolved. I once was critical of rabbinic col- done in accordance with Jewish law.
ing more integrated into American life. Today, Jews can and leagues who did not take my position. Today, as someone who What traditional Jewish law does stipulate is that the bride
do live wherever we want. The unintended consequence is believes in Jewish pluralism in all ritual matters, I see officia- and groom commit themselves to each other kdat Moshe
that the American Jewish community is more diffuse. Inter- tion at interfaith weddings as a legitimate difference of opin- vYisrael, in accordance with the laws of Moses and
marriage, once viewed as an act of rebellion, now is a result ion, where people on both sides of the argument must avoid Israel. To me, the implication is clear. Jewish marriage is two
of who Jews meet, and of our acceptance as equal members condemning the other. people entering into a personal covenant that is linked to the
of American society. For the past half century, the party line As I wrote these few last sentences and discussed them covenant between God and the Jewish people.
R
slavery are the ones who try to erase Of course, as with most matters
the second line in Mississippis Decla- of historic import or, indeed, any ecently, the French anti-Zionism means the
ration of Secession our position is import nuance is always help- president, Emanuel destruction or loss of a Jewish
thoroughly identified with the institu- ful. Thus, for example, if I were Macron, said, we state in the land of Israel.
tion of slavery the greatest material emperor of Princeton, I would will not surrender to We want to give Mr. Ronel,
interest of the world and similar decree that Wilsons name remain anti-Zionism because it is a re- Mr. Schocken, and their com-
language in other such declarations. on the Public & International Affairs invention of anti-Semitism. panions the benefit of the
Denying the pro-slavery and discrim- School because his achievements In a series of tweets Asaf doubt. Perhaps at Haaretz they
inatory aspects of the Confederate in those areas deserve honor. But I Ronel, the world news editor of believe the positions they take
symbols and statues being disman- also would order his name removed an Israeli newspaper, Haaretz, further the values and long-
tled, and making heroes out of those from the residential college, because said something very different. Jason term sustainability of the Jew-
being removed from the pedestals, no African-American student should He declared that he is an anti- Shames ish state. Unfortunately, they
are as wrong as denying the atrocities have to choose between living in a Zionist, and that Israel has fail to take into account the
of Auschwitz. dormitory named after someone been an apartheid state since its powerful media war that BDS
Its this last connection that makes with Wilsons shameful racial record creation. has been raging and often
it so important for our community and being excluded from member- Now, Mr. Ronel is trying to dis- winning. During those bat-
to identify and oppose real, and ship in a particular mini-community. tance himself and his personal tles, BDS forces have bastard-
not pseudo, erasures of history. If But Im no emperor, so Prince- views from those of the newspa- ized the word Zionist, put it
we are indifferent to erasing part tons on its own. per, because of the position he together with apartheid, and
of our history as Americans, it can Our tradition teaches over and holds there. But he cant. made them synonymous. As a
be done, Heaven forbid, to our his- over that the seal of the Holy One Amos Schocken, the pub- result, the statements that Mr.
tory as Jews. Erasing the true causes is emet truth. (BT: Shabbat 55a; lisher of Haaretz has expressed Ronel and Mr. Schocken have
of the Civil War and its participants Yoma 69b; Sanhedrin 64a) And our similar sentiments for years. made undercut Israels viabil-
and aftermath and continuing to seal should be imitatio Dei. Thats why theres no way Daniel M. ity and security.
honor and memorialize undeserv- that either Mr. Ronel or Mr. Shlufman In Europe, which already is
ing people and events is just one Joseph C. Kaplan, a regular Schocken from the platform a bastion of pro-BDS efforts,
step removed from erasing the Jew- contributor, has been living in of their personal bully pulpit, Haaretz is considered a well-
ish peoples glorious history over Teaneck and practicing law in Haaretz can say that using the term anti- respected news source but it really is an
thousands of years in Israel and Manhattan for many years. Zionist doesnt undermine the integrity of advocate for acts that harm the state of
Israel and its standing in rest of the Western Israel. You could make the case that state-
world. Thats because by using the words ments like Mr. Ronels are so damaging to
anti-Zionist and apartheid state, Mr. Israel that they meet the Israeli definition of
Ronel is echoing the words used by the Boy- treason, in that they act to impair Israels
cott, Divestment and Sanctions movement, integrity and sovereignty.
which accuses Israel of being a colonial and Haaretz claims that it is read by a large
apartheid state. portion of progressive Israelis. The truth
Mr. Ronel, the editor of a mainstream, is only an estimated 3 to 6 percent of the
globally recognized Israeli newspaper, cant
I also believe that any wedding cer- ceremony that reflects who they are as claim to feel loyalty and love for the State
emony, be it religious or civil, should a couple. I firmly believe that a wed- of Israel when he says he is an anti-Zionist.
truly and without reservation, reflect ding ceremony must honestly reflect Somehow, though, he thinks hes not pur-
the understandings that bind the part- the we who that particular couple is posely misleading. If he believes that, he is You could make
ners together. Thus, at a same gender
wedding at which I will officiate the
committed to becoming.
We begin the reading of the book of
either totally disingenuous or a fool.
Before 1948, the primary goals of Zionism
the case that
traditional vows and blessings should Deuteronomy this week. With the com- were to re-establish Jewish sovereignty in statements like
be changed to reflect the gender of the
couple. Reform liturgy now reflects this.
memoration of Tisha BAv on Monday
night, we also begin our annual count-
the land of Israel, to create a homeland for
the Jewish people who were exiled after the
Mr. Ronels are so
However, if Judaism is not what binds down to a new Jewish year. In this last Holocaust, and to be a sanctuary where Jew- damaging to Israel
the couple together, a Jewish exchange
of vows does not honestly reflect the
book of Torah, the command to be
inclusive of the widow, the orphan, and
ish people could escapethe anti-Semitism
and persecution they experienced during
that they meet the
covenant of the two people getting mar- the ger, the non-Jew living within our their diaspora. Since 1948 and the establish- Israeli definition
ried and the values and beliefs that bind
them one to the other.
community, is repeated many times. I
hear in this repetitive call a reminder
mint of theState of Israel, Zionism has con-
tinued to stand as a proxy for a Jewish state
of treason.
Though I have never officiated at a that all of us need to become more pro- of Israel and to address threats to Israels
wedding where both partners were not active in reaching out to not only the continued existence and security. Israeli population reads Haaretz. Perhaps
Jews, I do attend interfaith weddings elderly and disabled within our com- Mr. Ronel and others are attempting to thats because most Israelis know what Zion-
of family members and dear friends. munity, through political action and tze- redefine Zionism as a way to justify their ism truly is, despite the way in which Mr.
In counseling interfaith couples, my daka, but also to be equally proactive, opposition to current Israeli governmen- Ronel has characterized it for his own politi-
practice over the last 42 years has been both individually and communally, in tal policies and practices. However, they cal purposes. Thats a violation of journalis-
to invite non-Jews to consider conver- reaching out and welcoming interfaith have been unable to motivate Israeli vot- tic ethics.
sion and to offer to teach and guide the families into our communities. ers to reject the current leadership. As an Even worse, we think Haaretz has become
couple on their journey. I simultane- alternative strategy, they have begun a pro- a tool for the BDS movement.
ously have encouraged couples, when Neal Borovitz, rabbi emeritus of Temple paganda campaign to discredit the very Shame on Asaf Ronel and Amos Schocken.
I see that conversion is not a path that Avodat Shalom in River Edge, is a former country where they live, and whose very
the non-Jewish partner is ready to take, chair of Jewish Community Relations openness protects their type of yellow jour- Jason Shames is the CEO and Daniel M.
to find a civil officiate. I have helped Council of the Jewish Federation of nalism. This manipulation of what Zionism Shlufman is the treasurer of the Jewish
many of them put together a wedding Northern New Jersey. represents only serves to strengthen what Federation of Northern New Jersey.
G
e orge Soros, the exhortation not to let him
Hungarian-Ameri- have the last laugh, wasnt
can billionaire, has enough of an offense to pre-
all the makings of a vent cooperation with Hun-
character in a chasidic fable. gary on those matters upon
Here is a man distrusted by which he and Orban are in
many of his fellow Jews, and agreement like closing
despised by quite a few of them. Europe to further streams
A man who sees no moral con- of mainly Muslim refugees
tradiction in funding the forces from the blood-drenched
for an open society in East- conflicts in the nearby Mid-
ern Europe, while at the same dle East.
time giving to left-wing lobby I do not believe the Soros
groups advocating for a dimin- issue was worth the price
ished relationship between the of a major disagreement
United States and Israel, the between Israel and Hun-
single sovereign open society gary. But Im also aware
in the Middle East. A man who that there is a tendency in
values only the universal in pro-Israel circles to some-
Judaism and cares little for the times think in binary oppo-
particular. sites: If Orban isnt among
Soros himself said in a gushing the European enemies of
2003 profile in the Forward that Israel, then he must be a
universalism is the major rea- friend of the Jews.
son why Jews have made such The reality is that Orban
great contributions. I consider isnt much of a friend. When
that to be the Jewish genius. the United States launched
Yet here is a man who has airstrikes against Assad
been, and remains, the target of regime targets in Syria, the
a vicious strain of anti-Semitism pro-Orban (and therefore
in his native Hungary. pro-Russian) press in Hun-
The dilemma that this presents gary moaned about its dis-
goes something like this. One the appointment with President
one hand, there shouldnt even Donald Trump. One pro-
be a dilemma in the first place; george Soros HARALD DETTENBORN VIA WIKIMEDIA COMMONS Orban commentator opined
as a matter of principle, Soros
should be defended from anti-Semitism, nationalism that has spread
particularly when for many Hungarians through much of Europe.
the name Soros has become a synonym To my mind, this doesnt
for global Jewish financier. Hungarys have to be a zero sum game. The reality is that Orban isnt
Jewish community, among others, is
firmly in this camp.
To begin with, there is no
reason to be soft on Orban.
much of a friend. When the
On the other hand, there are those While he is careful not to United States launched
who do not believe that Soros is worth
more than a perfunctory protest, that
sound anti-Semitic himself,
he keeps around him many
airstrikes against Assad regime
Israels bilateral relationship with Hun- Ben Cohen influencers who are anti- targets in Syria, the pro-Orban
gary is what matters, and that much of
what is being presented as anti-Sem-
Semitic, like the journalist
Zsolt Bayer. Orban seems
(and therefore pro-Russian)
itism doesnt really fit the description. Israeli Prime positively to revel in the nationalist press in Hungary moaned
Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who just visited his coun-
terpart Viktor Orban in Budapest, falls into this camp.
militarism of Hungarys recent past.
For him, the wartime dictator Miklos
about its disappointment with
So do, I suspect, many American Jews on the political Horthy was a figure of noble tragedy, President Donald Trump.
right, who regard violent Islamism as a far more con- upon whom anti-Semitic policies were
suming threat than the backward-looking, identitarian imposed from the outside. that Assads use of chemical weapons was a fiction like
Such rewriting of history is unremarkable in the Iraqs weapons of mass destruction, which was hardly
nationalist environs of Eastern Europe the Poles, the the Israeli conclusion. As Israel faces up to the growing
Lithuanians, and the Serbs, among others, all do the threat posed by Iran on its own borders, who would put
For many Hungarians same thing. It is why we should be suspicious of what
Orban says. But it also explains why despite Hunga-
Orban in the frontline of Israels European defenders?
As for Soros, the next time something like this hap-
the name Soros has rys emergence as an independent state free of Soviet pens, I would ask his detractors among whom I count
become a synonym domination Orban feels a greater sense of fraternity
with brutish dictators, such as Recep Tayyip Erdogan in
myself if Soros is being targeted as a man or as a sym-
bol. Even if there is a trace of the former, its the over-
for global Jewish Turkey and Vladimir Putin in Russia, than he does with whelming presence of the latter that should keep us
nancier. Hungarys Germanys Angela Merkel or Frances unfashionably cos-
mopolitan Emmanuel Macron.
healthily skeptical. JNS.ORG
Jewish community, Nevertheless, a realist might say that while the rewrit- Ben Cohen writes a weekly column on Jewish affairs and
among others, is ing of history spits upon the dead, it doesnt kill the
living. Netanyahu clearly calculated that a billboard
Middle Eastern politics. His work has been published in
Commentary, the New York Post, Haaretz, the Wall Street
firmly in this camp. showing the grinning visage of Soros, alongside the Journal, and many other publications.
SEPTEMBER 1
in a special section showcasing the many warm, friendly
and welcoming congregations in this area.
201-837-8818 x118
Deadline August 25
Send us a 200 word write-up about your synagogue.
Well publish it FREE with your ad!
O
ld age seemed years and years to be funny. Sorry. Here we go. The other
away when I was young. day I was visiting my adorable cousin in
Yes, I know that I am stat- the city and we went to see my aunt, who
ing the obvious, but please is her grandmother. We were having a very
bear with me. My maternal grandmother, animated discussion about physical ther-
whom I affectionately called mama, apy. My aunt was telling us that everyone
would stay at our house quite often, and who is anyone goes to physical therapy.
she would always stay in my room. I would It is quite the social scene. People work-
set up the little tray table and on it would ing on their new hips, testing out their
go one glass of flat, bottled new knees; the folks who
water, one glass of seltzer are recovering from strokes
water, and a box of tissues. and other neurological ail-
Because she had glaucoma, I mentsAnd then, my ador-
was in charge of putting in her able young cousin said, It
eye drops (which is why we sounds like physical ther-
needed the box of tissues), and apy is the new SoulCycle!
every night, before we went to Holy cow. She is right!
bed, we shared an apple. We When you are young,
also listened to the fine radio you go to the gym to social-
programming of WWORis Banji ize, exercise to your full-
that even still on? Ganchrow est potential (unless you
I am pretty sure that most of are like me and you never
the folks we listened to have do anything to your full-
gone to the big radio studio in the sky, but est potential). You wear stylish workout
I sure did learn a lot about gardening and gear. SoulCycle, for those of you who are Across Down
how to get along with your landlord from unaware of what it is, is a place where you 1. Source of some laws 1. Dances like Hines or Davis Jr.
those radio shows. I even have a tape (yes, go to spin. Spinning, for those unaware, 7. Hams sibling 2. League not welcome to Israel
an actual tape) that I made of an interview is what you do on a stationary bike. You 11. Sixth sense of a prophet, perhaps: 3. Coins that can no longer be converted
I did with my mama. Keep in mind that bike quickly, slowly, stand up, sit down. Abbr. to shekels
14. Grande follower of Kabbalah 4. Month after Passover (usually), in
Howard Stern was on 66 WNBC radio dur- There is no actual spinning of your physi-
15. Ancient capital of Edom Montreal
ing this time, but we never listened to him. cal self involved, just spinning of the 16. Team of G-ds servants?, on the 5. Defeat in the Knesset
I just pretended to be a DJ on his show wheel. You also are able to purchase Soul- scoreboard 6. Like members of Shayetet 13
(which was nothing like it is now). Cycle apparel. 17. Some Middle-East folk in France? 7. Kiryat Bialik to Afula dir.
In any event, my maternal grandparents Wouldnt it be awesome if there was 19. Alt. to 62-Down 8. Like the West Bank by Jordan in 1947
20. Gov. loan Bank Leumi might help 9. James East of Eden director
both died relatively young, so I didnt get apparel for physical therapy? I had two
secure 10. 1970 Elliott Gould hit
to experience what grandchildren witness knee replacements and all I got was this 21. Frozen wasser 11. Iconic sitcom role for Julia
these days grandparents who are sick or lousy T-shirt. I can stand unassisted for 22. Some flowers in Israel and Mexico 12. Archangel in Jewish lore
are not aging well. Is that a good thing or a five minutes. Wanna see? 24. Part of Amy Winehouses psycho- 13. Beetle cousin found on Israeli roads
bad thing? I am not really sure. I am sure Physical therapy is the new gym, for logical diagnosis 18. Continent where 56-Across is spoken
26. Elvis Army classification 23. Doesnt throw like Koufax
that my mom wishes her parents lived those older folks who are no longer up for
27. Kind of prayer garb in Germany? 24. N.Y.C. rail org. or HS
longer, but it breaks my heart to watch my the gym. They may fall in love with their 33. With 58-Down, people fear its gaze 25. Makes like G-d, way back in the day
kids watch my parents change from active trainers, they may ignore someone who 34. Makes dough (but not for challah) 27. Eve was the first to be called this
grandparents who would come visit every they are no longer friends withbecause 35. High Priest with disappointing sons 28. Dew bracha
Friday with chocolate and take them to even though we get older, we still are peo- 36. IDF program in Latvia? 29. ___ LTzedek
39. Mosby played by Josh Radnor 30. (A) bisl
shows, to grandparents whom they now ple. That never changes. We just do things
42. Israeli daughters (Var.) 31. West ender?
have to go visit in their home in order to a little slower, we walk a little more care- 43. Bibi married her in 1991 32. It runs in the family: Abbr.
see them. fully so we dont fall, but who we are, fun- 44. Breslov founder in Croatia? 36. The Facts of Life actress
Yes, I know I am lucky that I still have damentally, never changes. Actually, and 50. Medicine Nobelist Metchnikov 37. Mendelssohns Piano Quarter No. 3
them, until 120. There was a whole genera- unfortunately, we just get worse. 51. Field directed by Steven in 2012 ___ Minor
52. Temple singers, once 38. Bluth played by Will Arnett
tion of kids who didnt even have grand- Which means that in a few years I will
56. Language in a country with barely 39. A cracker, when doubled
parents at all, there are kids who lost their be without any editing mechanismat all. a Jew 40. Jewish history had one of Judges
grandparents when they were too young Wonder if there is a physical therapy 57. 1997 Halle Berry title role thats a 41. Jacobs son who only had one son
to appreciate them, but like everything exercise for that! takeoff on a pejorative Jewish ste- 42. Matzah meal?
in life, everything is relative. As I always reotype 43. Like one hesitant to make a Bat
60. Many Jews toss one Saturday after- Mitzvah speech
say, No one has everything, but everyone Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is a big fan of
noon 44. Fitzgerald and Rubinstein
has something spinning. She also is a big fan of eating. She 61. Tisha BAv and Yom Kippur in 45. Minyan ender, often
Wait, this weeks column was supposed has yet to do both at the same time Northern Ireland? 46. What Israelis refused to do in 1948
64. ___ maamin 47. Queen of Brodericks Simba
65. Where one might improvise and also 48. U.S. state with a museum showcas-
read Emma Lazarus ing Operation Magic Carpet
66. Wear for IDF officers, at times 49. Schmattas
More than 411,000 likes. 67. Fourth day orb
68. Sony handhelds that have kits avail-
53. Meas. for Jamie Geller
54. Non-kosher Eilat residents
Like us on
able in blue and white 55. Kind of shot from the Wilds Jason
69. Like this clue Zucker
57. Neighborhood north of Talpiyot
Facebook
58. See 33-Across
The solution to last weeks puzzle 59. Hey, chabibi!
is on page 35.
62. Bands where Howard Stern could
first be heard: Abbr.
facebook.com/jewishstandard 63. Cubans team, on an ESPN ticker
The Show
Publicity for Soon By You happened
organically in its early stages via press
and word of mouth, and more recently
with the added components of in-person
screening and events as well as increased
social media. The initial short film was
completely self-funded. Going forward,
funds were and are being raised through
sponsorships, product placements, and
crowdfunding. The series has received
considerable media coverage throughout,
most recently in the New York Post and
New Jersey Jewish News.
Soon By You has been described as a
New York City version of the Israeli show
Srugim, or, as a recent New York Post
article dubbed it, the kosher version of
Friends. The show is both earnest and
funny, as six modern Orthodox twenty- Leah Gottfried created Soon By You. The cast of Soon By You: From left, Jessica Schechter, Leah Gottfried, Noam
somethings navigate dating, working, Harary, Danny Hoffman, Nathan Shapiro, and Sara Scur ABBIE SOPHIE
and staying true to themselves and to Ms. Gottfried, who in addition to creat-
their values. ing, directing, writing, and producing the Danny Hoffman, also a writer and pro- trying to find her way through life but also
show, also plays Sarah J., paints her char- ducer for the show, plays David, a rabbini- stick to what she believes.
The Cast acter as a fierce and bold young woman cal student who isnt defined by his pro- Nathan Shapiro calls his character, Ben,
Upon request, the six members of the on the hunt for a man. On the surface she fessional aspirations. Hes funny, insecure, an arrogant law student trying to con-
cast not all of whom are Orthodox seems materialistic and oblivious, but she a bit of a mess a very relatable guy. vince himself and everyone else that he
Jews offered descriptions of their own has a good heart. I like to think of her as Sara Scurs character, Sarah F., is a free- has it together.
characters: Cher from Clueless meets Stern student. spirited and independent woman who is SEE SOON PAGE 32
Have lunch and learn in Jersey City movement activists were prevented Mon-
day from boarding a flight from Washing-
terian Peace Fellowship and Shakeel Syed,
a national board member with American
Rabbi Aaron Katz leads a discussion over lunch on current topics at Congregation Bnai ton, D.C., to Israels Ben Gurion Airport. Muslims for Palestine.
Jacob in Jersey City on Monday August 7 and again on Monday August 21. The shul, which The anti-Zionist organization Jew- We were told at check-in that the air-
has ample parking, is at 176 West Side Ave. For information, call (201) 435-5725 or go to ish Voice for Peace had coordinated the line has a letter from the Israeli govern-
www.bnaijacobjc.com. interfaith delegation to Israel. When ment saying we are not allowed to fly to
the group attempted to check in for a Luf- Israel. I wasnt even able to get as far as
thansa flight to Tel Aviv at Dulles Interna- checking my bag, said Wise, according to
tional Airport, they were informed the a JVP statement. She added, Im heart-
Israeli government had ordered they not broken and outraged.
Join Team Sharsheret in September be allowed to board.
The activists prohibited from boarding
Israels move falls in line with the Knes-
set legislatures recent approval of a bill
Sharsheret, the national not-for-profit West in Manhattan. included JVP members Rabbi Alissa Wise, forbidding BDS activists from entering the
organization that supports young Jewish Sharsheret offers free registration for Alana Krivo-Kaufman and Noah Habeeb, Jewish state. JNS.ORG
women facing breast cancer or other can- the first 200 participants; registration Israel removes Temple Mount detectors
cers, is participating in the Komen Race for usually costs $45 per person. For more
the Cure walk on Sunday, Septemeber 10, information, call (866) 474-2774 or email in favor of advanced technologies
from 8:30 to 10:30 a.m. Meet at the north- Sarah Eagle, Sharsherets team captain, at Israel decided to remove the metal detec- Until the implementation of the plan,
east corner of 74th Street and Central Park seagle@sharsheret.org. tors at the Temple Mount, which had been the Israel Police will reinforce its units
installed following the recent terror attack and carry out additional actions as nec-
that killed two Israeli police officers near essary in order to ensure the security
the holy site, in favor of security measures of visitors on the Mount, the security
based on advanced technologies. cabinet said in a statement, adding that
Donny and After Palestinian-incited riots and ter-
ror attacks that came in response to Isra-
Israel has allocated a budget of up to $28
million to implement the plan during a
Marie coming els Temple Mount security measures, timeframe of up to six months.
to Englewood the Israeli security cabinet announced it
accepted a recommendation by security
The violence that followed Israels instal-
lation of the metal detectors included a Pal-
Americas beloved sibling entertainers, agencies to incorporate smart checks and estinian terrorists fatal stabbing of three
Donny and Marie Osmond, will bring their other security measures instead of metal members of an Israeli family Yosef, Chaya
summer tour to the Bergen Performing Arts detectors in order to ensure the security and Elad Salomon in the West Bank com-
Center in Englewood on Wednesday, August of visitors and worshippers in the Old City munity of Halamish last Friday night.
16, at 8 p.m. Their fan favorites include A and on the Temple Mount. JNS.ORG
people looking to connect, and that isnt a day, and exercise? I realize how much of Hoffman finds social media important, as
Soon always easy. I think there needs to be more a millennial this makes me sound like but it provides more openness in the world,
FROM PAGE 29
understanding and validation. its true. Im constantly asking myself Am often leading to greater understanding
Noam Harary plays Z, whom he Both Ms. Gottfried and Mr. Hoffman I doing right? Am I an adult? and acceptance. Still, a recurring theme
describes as the honest idiot savant friend honed in on the immense pressure in the from many cast members was the need to
who cares about loyalty in friendship with Orthodox world to get married and settle Causes live in the moment and not be absorbed by
the same vigor as he quietly masters being down at a young age, calling it unhelp- Reflecting inward about the dating and social media.
a jack of all trades. ful in the dating process. Ms. Gottfried adult worlds is commonplace among
Jessica Schechter, a producer for the referred to it as a ticking clock. Mr. twentysomethings certainly including Advice
show who also plays Noa, dubs her char- Hoffman said that someone who wants these actors and the characters they play Finally, the cast was asked what advice
acter a fiery and passionate feminist who to get married now already has been put- but the cast also talked about the causes they would give to their child selves. Mr.
speaks her mind. ting enough pressure on him or herself. and topics most important to them. Shapiro said that if people try to beat you
The cast was also asked what topics they And pressuring someone who doesnt For Ms. Scur it is a womsns right to down, know that you will find a commu-
would like to see addressed in future epi- want to get married yet disregards that knowledge and education. Ms. Gottfried nity that cares about you, so go easy on
sodes. Among those topics were FOMO persons priorities. also cares deeply about womens rights, yourself. Life gets better, he said. Ms.
(Fear Of Missing Out); the dynamics of dif- Ms. Gottfried also said that people who and particularly how we deal with rape Schechter stressed that everything that
ferent sensitivities within religious obser- are Orthodox tend to be challenged with and violence against women. She also happens in life works to build who you
vance; finding balance between personal, finding someone not only with whom to talked about the importance of monitor- are, moment by moment, and its impor-
professional, and religious life; having cri- connect, but who also shares the same val- ing the safety of the food we eat. Many tant to keep positive and do the best you
sis of faith; LGBTQ in the Jewish commu- ues and level of observance. civil and equal rights topics concern Mr. can. Mr. Harary said that Family will be
nity; navigating through life when youve There are so many things that need to Harary, including Syrian apathy, the plight everything. Mr. Hoffman advised to do
chosen an artistic career; and the diversity line up in order to build a life with some- of minorities, police brutality, suppres- more and be your biggest advocate. Ms.
of background in the Jewish community. one, Ms. Gottfried said. I think many sion of women, and homophobia. Ms. Scur said trust yourself more and find your
While viewers are entertained by the people are faced with the question of how Schechter is focused on education reform own ideas and opinions.
intertwining storylines as well as the by much all of that matters, or what is more and greater mental health awareness And then, of course, theres Ms. Gott-
characters themselves, its sometimes easy important connection or values. At the and education. Mr. Shapiro is concerned fried, who followed a childhood dream
to forget that the actors, too, have their end of the day I think they are both vital, about the drug crisis ravaging the United and is still looking forward. She said:
own ideas about the challenges that face but it can be tricky if you only have one or States, and the common misconception Dont resist change. Instead, embrace it
millennials who have reached their young the other. that substance abuse is a character flaw and be open to new possibilities.
adult years. rather than a health condition related to For more information about Soon By
Adulthood genetics, chemistry, and circumstance. Mr. You go to soonbyyou.tv
Dating Of course, people in their twenties and
According to some of the cast, the dating early thirties face many challenges out-
world has changed due to the advance- side of dating, which mostly boil down to
ment of social media. That is not always adjusting to adult life.
a good thing. For one, theres starting and managing Fire she had embraced in other towns. I
FROM PAGE 7
Ms. Scur, who said that she feels chal- your career. Mr. Shapiro said that although needed to discover who I am, she said,
lenged with not letting her own insecuri- there is value to the naive and romantic who became her friends. The conver- other than as an extension of someone
ties get in the way of intimacy, emphasized sentiment that hard work will yield the sion process is so painful and difficult, elses identity and career. She stopped
how dating has almost become a sport. desired results, it is unrealistic in New she said. My heart just breaks when I teaching at the synagogue. She got a job
There are so many platforms for dating York City, which is developing into a play- see them suffering so much for some- at Trader Joes and within a year, she
now than there were in the past, and its so ground for the wealthy. Its a challenge to thing so altruistic. became a manager.
accessible, she said. In the past, dating balance gratitude for being able to do the In contrast to growing up, when she And then came the night of fire.
required a little more guts. You couldnt work that he loves with the practicality of felt not Orthodox enough, she was now We got cards and letters from Conser-
just send a text and ask someone out or tell having to figure out how to pay his rent. an Orthodox leader. She was warmly vative and Reform synagogues, and hun-
them how you felt. You had to look some- Mr. Harary noted that when you are in this received and respected by non-Jews as dreds of letters from churches around
one in the eye. stage of life, the gig economy can be chal- well as her congregants the country, from their Sunday schools,
Mr. Shapiro explained how our world lenging, and there tends to be lack of focus We were known as the religious peo- Ms. Schuman said. We got support from
of immediacy can have a negative impact on mastery in a field. Ms. Gottfried said ple, she said. The police would know different pastors in town.
on relationships. When people become she often compares herself to people who us, the mayors, we were respected mem- The leaders of the Jewish community
results oriented, rather than process ori- are incredibly successful. While enjoying bers of the community. in Passaic to which she had felt that
ented, I think losing sight of the little things, and appreciating where she is profession- Her vision of the world started broad- she belonged were less comforting,
smaller gestures, can be devastating to ally, she sets goals and reminds herself that ening. Theres a whole world out there she said. There was one rabbi from Pas-
deeper, more personal human connec- a career takes time to develop. She noted of people who are spiritual, and they saic who called us. I dont remember any
tions, he said. Having everything at ones that millennials tend to be ambitious and dont insist on walking on Shabbat, she of them visiting us. There was no one at
fingertips never felt so isolating and lonely. at times too hard on themselves. said. I remember being indoctrinated the trial or the sentencing.
Mr. Harary summed up the challenge There is often expectation and pressure growing up that goyim are bad, and we After the fire, the family recovered
with two words that relate to todays dat- in the years after college to know exactly have to stay away from them. The first in different ways, leading them toward
ing world: skepticism and opportunity. what you want to do with the rest of your time I ever saw Gods love for me dur- different paths and ending the mar-
The internet makes everyone a possibility life. Mr. Hoffman said that from what he ing prayer was when a non-Jewish friend riage. She earned a degree at the Insti-
and few an excitable challenge, he said. I has seen in the Orthodox community, prayed for me to feel it. tute for Therapeutic Massage. Five years
think we need to invest in the small sparks there is pressure to opt for security, even One time a congregant who was a con- later, together with her husband, David
for a longer flame. if it means turning away from what could vert and had been raised a Christian told Strait, Pessy and her children now live in
Social media and technology can be a be an otherwise fulfilling life. Ms. Schech- her, Let Gods love flow through you. Teaneck and are members of Congrega-
double-edged sword, but another chal- ter stressed the importance of finding your The possibility of seeing God in this tion Netivot Shalom.
lenge to dating, according to Ms. Schech- identity and being confident in it, as well way was fascinating. Davids insights and gentle approach
ter, is pressure and lack of empathy. She as being proud of your accomplishments. She began to explore a more pri- to Torah have brought me comfort, she
stressed the importance of being true to According to Ms. Scur, being an adult vate, a more personal Judaism. When said.
yourself and listening to your gut. I think is a challenge in its own right. she moved to Rutherford in 2008, she But most importantly: I feel God is
there is a bombardment of opinions and I often feel I am stuck in this limbo stepped back from the rebbetzin role inside me.
ideas which makes it hard to tune in to between being a child and an adult, she
what we really need, she said. We are said. I have to pay bills, eat three meals
ily business, Cord Craft children, Beth Blecker of Beth Lesser, ne Andors, Donations can be made Conveniently Located
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a franchisee of Porcelite
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City, N.Y.; eight grand-
children, and seven
is survived by her hus-
band, Steven, daughter,
pels, Fort Lee.
The Christopher Family
Predeceased by his wife serving the Jewish community
of 58 years, Natalie, ne
Ashkenazy, in 2004, he is
since 1900
survived by children, Peter
(Marge), and Fran Cronin,
Paterson Monument Co.
MAIN BRANCH
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Tzion and Yerushalyim.
for Pfizer, and a member
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honored him for donating
the Deborah and Alfred
Judson Barcan Collection Rabbi Daniel Alter, Head of School
of Rare Books.
He is survived by his Aaron Yunis, President
wife of 54 years, Deborah, Zvi Rudman, Chairman of the Board
children, Kathy Higgins
(Mike) of River Vale, and
Daniel of Hillsdale; a
brother, Donald (Nan); two
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