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Mackenzie Fuller

Mrs. Daley

English 12 Honors

March 3, 2015

Stringent Sympathy

Most everyone, at some point in their childhood, believes that parents exist for the sole

purpose of making their life miserable. Parents overdo lessons on manners and will not listen, are

common complaints of children. However, could it be possible that their harsh tones and tough

love are formed out of sympathy for their children? Perhaps parents act the way they do in hopes

of teaching their children how to succeed and survive. This thought of strictness being hidden

sympathy is exposed through the characters of Nicola from Dont Lets Go to the Dogs Tonight

by Alexandra Fuller and Okonkwo from Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. Nicola and

Okonkwo have internal sympathy for their children that evoke their flaw of overly stringent

attitudes.

Nicolas flaw of being all toughness in tough love is driven by her inner sympathy of

wanting her children to survive. The clearest characteristic of Nicola is her tough attitude;

however, we see sympathy peak out when the safety of her children is questioned. For instance,

when Fuller was severely sick on the train to Rhodesia [Nicola] made them stop the train

because she wants Fuller and all her children to survive (Fuller, 39). A want like that only occurs

when someone cares. However, as Fuller is recovering later that same day Nicola reminds her to

say please when she asks for food. Nicola instantly returns to her high level of toughness the
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moment she knows her daughter will survive. Why does Nicola act this way? She is using tough

love to teach a lesson: survival. Nicola wants her children to be independent so that in the

presence of any situation - they can survive. She is tough on her children out of love for them.

Fuller writing, I will complain of thirst and Mum will say, You should have had more tea for

breakfast displays her knowledge of a lesson to learn from Nicola (68). We see Nicolas

lessons of independence taking effect when Fuller reveals it feels strange to hold Mums hand

and too quickly there is an uncomfortable film of sweat between us. I slip out of Mums grip

[] (61). Fuller feels uncomfortable holding Mums hand because she does not need any

comfort a mothers hand holds. She has learned to be independent and comfort herself through

Nicolas tough love lessons aimed towards survival. Nicolas instructional firmness towards her

children is conjured by her true; however, often concealed sympathy.

Similarly, Okonkwos flaw of a heavy hand is enflamed from wanting the greatest

success for his children, which in turn conceals his intent and sympathy towards them (Achebe,

13). Okonkwo teaches lessons by doing. He demonstrates his own lesson that To show affection

[is] a sign of weakness; the only thing worth demonstrating [is] strength in order to teach this

and other lessons (28). Okonkwo will go to any length to stamp out disquieting signs of

laziness in his sons in order for them to succeed (33). Therefore, Okonkwo puts his family

through the hard work of endlessly harvesting yams and building up the huts. He also beats his

family when he deems necessary in order to show and teach the importance of strength.

However, the fact that he wants his son to be a great farmer and a great man shows that behind

the heavy hand he does care (33,13). Another sign of Okonkwos sympathy is exposed through

how he never stop[s] regretting that Ezinma [is] a girl (172). This is because he knows she

would be incredibly successful if she had been born a man. For this he sees her woman form as a
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waste and feels sympathy for her living through a lower status in life. Like Fuller, Achebe shows

a sympathetic Okonkwo by concealing all caring behind a heavy hand (13).

Both Fuller and Achebe write their characters (Nicola and Okonkwo) to utilize extreme

levels of tough love that hide but indirectly acknowledge the presence of sympathy within them.

Their carelessly strict ways may just appear to be flaws, but tough love is meant to teach lessons.

Wanting children to learn and thrive on their own are true signs that a parent cares. This truth

reveals that sympathy can be constructed from stringent acts.