MALE SIDES: COACH/ PAPA YETI/ HANK SIDES

COACH SIDE

COACH
Listen up. I know its a big day for you kids. And youre already probably a little worked up about it all. So
what I am about to tell youwhat Im saying is, I dont want you to freak out. Whatever happens next
just be cool. Can everyone promise to be cool?
The thing is, theres going to be a new kid in tryouts. And this kid, hes a special kind of kid. I mean
special as in he is different from anyone else youve ever known before. But just because a kid is
different doesnt mean hes not like everybody else. Is that understood?

BOYS
Right. Ok. Sure.

COACH
Ok. So do your best. And rememberwhen we meet the new kid, what we do?

ZACH
We stay cool.

COACH
Bingo.

PAPA YETI SIDE

HARRY (to the Yetis)

Is he telling the truth? Did you or did you not abandon me?

MAMA YETI

Oh Papa what do we say?

PAPA YETI

The truth. Always the truth. PAPA YETI gets on his knees.

On the day of the blizzard, we saw the humans approaching so we rolled into the snowbanks to hide. I
thought your mother had you; she thought I had you. And when we came out you were gone. We tried
to track the footprints but we failed! We tried to follow the scent. But we failed! We failed!
HANK SIDE

ELLEN
So whered you move here from?

JUDY
Oh, gosh most recently--

HANK
Tanzania, for you know Mount Kilimanjaro.

JUDY
Switzerland, for the Alps.

HANK
Bhutan, Tibet--

JUDY
Nepal, for well you know--

HANK and JUDY

The Himalayas!

JUDY
Thats where we found Harold. He was lost in a blizzard. He was so small, and all alone and terrified,
and he kept running away from us.

HANK
Like straight up an icy cliff face. Amazing!

ELLEN
Great. That is just GREAT. What a great story.

HANK
Thanks. Weve never led normal lives before. Maybe you could, I dont know, show us the ropes?

Awkward pause.
Its a mountain climbing pun.

ELLEN
Oh sure. You betcha.
JUDY
Thanks. Hank, it looks like we picked the right town for us.

HANK
The right town for Harry, you mean. Im already bored out of my mind. No offense. Right, right. The best
town for Harry is the best town for us. Look, Im smiling.