How to be a Troll

Characters:
Todd (John)
Bob (Sloth)
(You can also gather couple more players to do random stuff in the
background as we film. It'll make the background less dull.

[Intro. T and B are in front of a camera, looking at the camera as

they say their lines.]
T: Hey everyone, my name is Todd.
B: My name is Bob.
T: Today I'm gonna show you how to be a troll. I've also invited a
friend to help me. Bob?
B: Hey asshole. Well, today we're gonna show you cocks how to be a
troll.
T: I've already said that.
B: Go fuck yourself, Todd.
T: ...
B: I already fucking hate Asians.
T: (1 second delay. T turns to B) Dude, I'm white.
B: (2 second delay) Well, ANYWAY, let's move on. The first step on
how to be a troll is to be polite.
[Scene 1]
(T is narrating over the scene.)
T: When you find a stranger in the same sandbox server you are in,
it's a good idea to tell him or her what you really feel about them
before introducing yourself.
(T and B are acting the scene. B is building something random and T
walks up next to B.)
T: You suck.
(B turns around and faces T) B: Your FACE sucks.
(T turns around and stares at the camera.)
[Scene 2]
(B narrating. The camera looks at T, who acts as a citizen.)
B: The SECOND step in being a troll is to completely judge your
partner by the way he or she looks and sounds like.
Look at this faggot: he's tall, he looks really old, he doesn't
seem to have a girl next to him-- you should assume he doesn't have
a girlfriend at this point-- and look at his uniform. Only queers
wear completely blue clothes like that. He also has a very annoying
voice that sounds very unserious in a way. There's only one assumption
you can make from that: he's gay.
When you're done judging your partner by the way he or she looks and
sounds like, tell him or her right away what you assume him or her
to be.
(T acts out. Camera looks at both T and the NPC.)
T: You're gay. Oh, and go fuck yourself.
(B narrating.)
B: Don't forget that insult at the end of your compliment. It's very
important if you want to keep your *clears throat* hard-earned
reputation.
(Camera goes back to B and T, with the same positions as in the into.)
T: Thank you, Bob.
Also, when doing the second step, your insults should depend on the
person's race or where the person came from.
For example, if he's Asian, talk about his dick being small.
If he's German, don't talk about Jews. Be creative and make sure
your grammar stays up, too.
[Scene 3]
(T narrating. Camera on both T and B, as in the intro.)
T: The 3rd step in becoming a troll requires patience and intelligence.
You see, every day in a troll's life involves arguing with stupid
people, smart people, and haters. The key to this step is to keep your
cool while arguing with a person you're jealous of-- without really
telling your partner that you ARE jealous. Here's a clip of me
arguing with this dumbass that doesn't seem to have a life.
(camera on T and B, who is using a Citizen model.)
B: I like flowers.
T: Flowers are gay and have no children.
B: That made no sense.
T: YOU make no sense.
B: (B shakes head and 2 second delay") You know what, I don't have to
deal with you trolls anymore. You guys keep fucking up every opinion
that an innocent soul shares socially. Everything you guys do are
hopeless attempts to show people how "smart" you are. Nobody fucking
cares, dude. I'm outta here. You guys can go fuck yourselves.
(B leaves the shot. T turns around and stares at the camera and stays
quiet for 3 seconds.)
T: Umm... Uhh, I think I did it right. What do you think Bob?
B: Yeah, yeah! That was good.
(Camera goes back to T and B as in the intro.)
T: Well, that was, uhh... interesting. Umm... Well, that was step 3
of how to be a troll, I guess.
(B turns around, facing away from T.)
B: Hey Todd, isn't that no-life that guy over there?
(camera looks at the same NPC with the same Citizen Model. Then
camera comes back to T and B.)
T: Shit, run!
(T runs away on the left)
B: Why, what happened?
T: Just run away, don't make eye contact.
B: Well, okay.
(B follows T.)