Abuse, Trafficking and Addiction (ATA) Online Summit

Class: Communication as a counsellor

Facilitator: Toluse Dove Francis

I am Toluse Dove Francis

A certified Life Coach and NLP Certified practitioner.

I am a Teen and Youth Volunteer and this I have been doing for 9 years now

I am a Psychotherapist and a Mental Health Practitioner.

Before my journey into the world of therapy, I have had reasons to counsel people at different points in
life

Anyone can be a counsellor but not everyone can be a good counsellor

The results people get is what determines what end of the divide you belong

To begin, let us answer the question of who is a counsellor

So can I have you guys attempt this question

Who is a Counsellor?

Participant (MMG): A person who uses psychological techniques to help guide a person going through
emotional or mental health challenges

Participant (Benita): A counsellor is someone who is there to help and advice others in order to help
them achieve the best solutions.

It may be to solve a problem or achieve a goal and many more.

A counsellor is a also trustworthy person who is there to listen, guide and aid a person through various
issues of life.

Participant (Oroma Glory): To me, a counsellor is a person who listens to a given disturbing situation,
analysis it and tries to offer proper solution based on the nature of problems.

Participant (Benita): A counsellor is someone who is there to help and advice others in order to help
them achieve the best solutions.

It may be to solve a problem or achieve a goal and many more.

A counsellor is also a trustworthy person who is there to listen, guide and aid a person through various
issues of life.

Facilitator: A counsellor is a person who is trained to give help to personal or psychological matters

Since counselling is a conversation or dialogue between the counsellor and client, the counsellor needs
certain communication skills in order to facilitate change

A counsellor is a therapist.

Some of the main skills that will help you in the counseling profession include:

* Empathy.

* Listening Skills.

* Social and Communication Skills.

* Boundary Setting.

* Critical Thinking.

* Business Management

Let me talk about attending

Attending refers to the ways in which counsellors can be with their clients, both physically and
psychologically

Management

Good attending behavior demonstrates that you respect a person and are interested in what he/she has
to say.

The effect of attending is an encouragement to the person to go on talking about his/her ideas or
feelings freely.

Without using words, you are communicating that you are listening to the person.

There are several components of good attending behavior:

 Eye Contact: Looking at a person is one way of showing interest in that person. However, you
can make a person feel uncomfortable if you stare at them too intensely. The best way of showing that
you are listening to someone is by looking at them naturally.

Posture: This is a natural response of interest. Its best to lean slightly towards the person in a relaxed
manner.

Relaxation is important, since you want to shift focus from yourself so that you are better able to listen
to the person you are talking with.

Gesture: You communicate a great deal with your body movements. If you flail wildly with your hands
or if you cross your arms over your chest and hunch your shoulders with your head bent downwards,
you are very likely to communicate some unintended messages.

Facial Expressions: A good listeners facial expressions indicate responsiveness. Examples: smiling, eye-
brow raising, frowning, when appropriate.

Verbal Behavior: A good listeners comments relate to what the other person is saying. By
directing your comments and questions to the topics provided by your friend, you show interest in what
he or she is saying.

I hope we are getting along?

Now do we understand what attending means?

The effect of *attending* is an encouragement to the person to go on talking about his/her ideas or
feelings freely.

Without using words, you are communicating that you are listening to the person.

Some of the main skills that will help you in the counseling profession include:

* Empathy.

* Listening Skills.

* Social and Communication Skills.

* Boundary Setting.
 * Critical Thinking.

* Business Management

Let us take Empathy

Empathy isn't the same as sympathy

Empathy is a way of putting yourself in the shoes of the other person so you can feel what the other
person feels for you to cater to the person

As a counsellor or care giver, empathy is a great tool. It helps you avoid words like ' I understand, I feel
your pain' etc.

Rather words like ' I can imagine how you feel' are used

This is because you are telling the clients that you cannot feel like she is feeling because the feelings
most times won't be same but you can imagine because you have put yourself in their shoes

In empathy, you may find yourself crying along with your client yet able to bounce back

Because I am talking in the light of counselling, I will pause there

Listening Skills: You must listen attentively well. Not just *hearing*

Listen to hear not hear to listen*

In listening, you are hear even the unsaid words

You are attending when you are listening

What happens most times is that we hear rather than listen

But the moment you listen, you are able to connect and that is key

For example, a client who s cuddling up while speaking may not be feeling cold but expressing fear

Now such a person may not be saying anything related to fear at that point but you are hearing more
than what is being said

Social and Communication Skills*

I think I already touched this under *attending*

One skill to learn is social and communication skills

For example, you don't touch without permission when counselling

You don't hug without permission

Even if the client loves to be hugged, you must understand that it has to be minimal

Your sitting posture is another communication channel

Don't sit anyhow

Sit like you are at a business meeting

Don't bend over except you are of same sex

*Boundary Setting.*

Your table is good boundary

Just to mention

Have your client sit across you and not beside you

You don't have to create a barricade to set boundaries

The boundaries set within you is the greatest boundary you ever can set

*Critical Thinking.*

Every counsellor *must* be a critical thinker otherwise you will get carried away by the emotions

Your counselee would be out to say all things that can be said as long as you create room for them to
open up

For example,

A client tells you he was raped by the mother and you go all 'What? that client will close up and you
would get deep into the ill-feeling this brings normally

What you do at such a time in split seconds is to analyze how he feels, what he thinks and how he would
behave

There is what I call the 3 stages of problem surfacing: Problem Thinking, Problem Feeling and Problem
Behavior

*Business Management*

See Counselling as a business

You ROI (Reward on investment) is in the healing of your client

Not in the amount you get paid

No
But the result you can see in your client

And let me inform you that if your counselee needs to see you very often after sessions, you haven't
done well

They must not become dependent on you

Treat that person like a project thereby giving all that is needed to those sessions

I will pause here for questions

Questions

1. Sir how do you stop some from becoming dependent on you? There are cases where the counselee
begins to see the counsellor as a "ray of hope"!.

2. What can be done to remedy the situation if the counsellor has made such a mistake already?

Answers

1. Set down your session duration from the beginning. If for any reason you notice you would need to
extend it, inform the client before the end of the session. If the counselee keeps coming, one thing to do
may be to ask that another session/sessions be booked and of course paid for.

2. Be emphatic that you are done.

For more enquiries

Email: toluse@tolusefrancis.com

Facebook: Toluse Dove Francs

Instagram: @Iamtolusefrancis

Twitter: @tolusefrancis

+2347067670371