by SHELTON & MAVRIDESthe adventures of 5 Ive Gor FIVE Deas, TE Gor A eee MYSELF! THEYRE THE > LABRADOR J gest FRIEND A MAN ROODLE! * DOG, 1 a COULD HAVE ® DOG, IN LIFE ‘THE FIRMEST FRIEND, THE FIRST To Welcome, FoRertost To DEFEND,” Fabulous Furcy Freak Brothers Comix # 12, by Gilbe Ine. "Phineas’ Big Show,” by Gilbert Sh Copyright Law. No portion ay be ced without the written OMT Press Inc., Fred Tedd, president, For a one year subscription tion and Pau! Mavrides, Copyright © 1992, Rip Off Press, on, Paul Mavrides and Gerhard $ Allrights reserved under Imernational ission of the copyright holder. Published by Rip mail order catalog (4 issues, inside USA only) coud S110; Rip Off Press Ine. P.O. Box 4686, Auburn CA 95604. Customer service call 800-468-2669 (916) 885-8183.JOUR STORY BESINS ONE DAY iN THE COMFOR? € BUT vereRicco APARTMENT ct THe TauLaus KIReOTE Te. Look AT THIS AD! ire FOR Tan GuLDIN ACROSS THE STREET 2 esate i BUILDING THE IDEA 15, WE MO EMPTY BUILDING AND Li AS SQUATTERS! T'VE BEEN READING x 8001 i SQVATTING YoU CAN LINE For WITHOUT PAVING ANY RENT Poy QnleK! Lets Get cuR \f [EA eurwrrbke over Tiere?SONCE INSIDE, BRICK VP DOORWAY AND “To OBTAIN ELECTRICITY, HOOK A LINE ACROSS THE “THEN PRY OFF THE METAL K IN THE HALLWAY AND TURN ON THE GAS!” BP ric MAIN VALE FoR THE WATER WILL BE FOUND (N THE CELLAR AT THE FRONT oF THE BUILDING!” TIM MAKING SURE THE STEREO SPEAKERS P PROPERLY JTS THE RESPONSE FRoM THE OWNER OF THE BUILDING! WROTE HiM A LETTER LAST WEEK I NOW HE'S OFFERING TO SELL US THE BUILDING FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS! BHA HAHA! We SURE SCREWED HIMSELF! BY SENDING US THis LETTER, THE OWNER HAS ACKNONLEDGED THAT Ke KNOWS WERE LIVING IN His. BUILDING! THAT GIVES US LEGAL STATUS AS OFFICIAL SQUATTERS! —_/ Now THEY'LL 7 ts our never cerus WU ueean OUT OF HERE? PARADISEI] THE FORMER OWNER WAS TRYING TO Rip You OFF! You SAY YOU GOT A LETTER FROM THE GUY? DIDNT YOU NOTICE Te RETURN ADDRESS WAS SAN QUENTIN ? HIS BUILDING Was CONFISCATED 6Y THE STATE A YEAR AGO BECAUSE ‘OF NON-PAYMENT OF TAXES {THEY'RE GOING: POLICE STATION ON THE SITES NOW WHAT DO We Do? WE'VE GOT NO PLACE To LIVE AND ALL OF OUR EARTHLY POSSESHONS HAVE BEEN TOTALLY DEMOLISHED! FRANKLIN] IT SAYS THAT (F YOU HAM BUT HOW COULD We PROVE We WERE IN B BEEN IN THE BUILDING FoR LONGER THAN THERE FOR MORE THAN FORTY-EIGHT HOURS? A FORTY-EIGHT HOURS, THEY HAVE To RESORT THEY'RE NOT GOING To TAKE OUR WORD FoR F wo LEGAL PR ! THAT LETTER YoU 7 20 z ER, UH. m,n ‘GOT! THE POSTMARK ss Horevess! SHUT UP u THe LETTER WT. ON THE ENVELOPE IS BoRIED THE BOOK 15 1 AND KEEP ‘eee De woes HN UNDER TONS BL PROBABLY THAT MUCH TOME! RUBBLE! “athe adventures of it REDDY PAT WANE 0 Do tS BUY LUNCH EVERY DAY AT THE E. Jon GuBeRs swecton, THEY HAVE A PAPER NAPKIN DISPENSER BY THE Door THATS ALWAYS KEPT FULL OF MacBURGER QUICKTIME. , FREE PAPER NAPKINS ! yes ae (7 50 EACH DAY AST LEAVE, I STUFF MY POCKETS FULLOF AS MANY FREE PAPER NAPKINS | ASE CAN GET AWAY WITH ! ig LO ENOUGH To PAY FOR YOUR INTESTINE TRANSPLANT, I Hore! THAT WAY I'LL NEVER HAVE TO SPEND MONEY ON NAPKINS OR DISHCLOTHS OR BLOTTERS OR TOILET PAPER oR ANYTHING! OVER THE YEARS I'LL SAVE THOUSANDS oF DOLLARS!NORBERT THE NARK IS RANTING AND [? PERT A RAILING ABOUT HIS PET PEEVE ..- f. Pose WELFARE CHEATS ARE PRIDE sve DRUG INTERDICTION Pouce seavice | PMY actANG ARES RIDE oF HST ee ? » FRAUD “> FULFILLMEN eal YER) to unperso URINE TESTING To MAKE SURE THEYRE y SHELTON & MAVRIDES-Oreng, TILL WRITE (T UP MYSELF To MAKE SURE IT HAS SOME TEETH IN (TE PLM GOING To MAKE CRUSADE ! I'LL Go TO WASHINGTON AND [LOBBY EVERY MEMBER OF CONGRESS | BL UNTIL THEY PASS A SATISFACTORY LAW! SURE, WELL PASS ANY Law iF You PAY US ENOUGH / \T CosT Me MY LIFE'S SAVINGS Y BOT (TLL Be WELL WORTH IT To Ste A THE TORTORED EXPRESSIONS ON THE ‘AS LONG AS WE'RE EXEMPT Fort IT FACES OF ALL THOSE WELFARE FRAUDS,THAT VERY DAY, UNAWARE OF THE NEW LAW, “AT FREDDY MAKES A FATEFUL DECISION... Sere FY GOSH, THAT HASHISH AND ECSTASY SURE MADE ME THIRSTY, AND WERE ALL OUT OF BEER! AFTER WAITING IN LINE FOR SIX HOURS: —— om La You THERE! Go WW THAT ROOM AND GIVE US A URINE SAMPLE! AND DONT COME OUT TIL YOUVE GOT Some? (sig!) TLL NEVER GET ANY FOOD STAMPS WiTH THIS PEE! BUT WHAT CAN { DO? THEY'VE GOT ME CORNERED! Nou CAN PICK, UP YOUR PAYMENT: TOMORROW, AFTER YOUR SAMBLE. HAS FBI, AGENTS? Im VERY PLEASED To MEET JEUTE T, THEN AE MCoUPLE oF YL YOU, GENTLEMEN! As You ARE A COUPLE OF DOUBTLESS KNOW, Ii iN, F-B.LAGENTS WEREL (aw Coeacene MEY Tm THE PERSON RES... IN A SPECIAL DEEP, DARK CELL RESERVED. FOR POLICEMEN Who FAIL THEIR URINE TESTS SITS NORBERT THE NARK, FORGOTTEN BY ALL. SINCE I'M INNOCENT, THEY RE ‘e CERTAIN To COME RELEASE ME AT ANY MOMENT! No poUBT TLL BE CONSIDERED A HERD FOR SOLVING THE COUNTRYS DRUG AND. WELFARE PROBLEMS INTHE SANE STROKE! IM So EXCITED! T CAN HARDLY WAIT eee shvy SHELTON ¢ MAVRIDES > NOW TM PUTTING THE MIXTURE OF STERILIZED SOIL AND VERMICULITE INTO THE JARS? STERILIZING MASON JARS To GRow MAGIC MUSHROOMS IN? THEN, T CAREFULLY SPRINKLE A FEW MUSHROOM SPORES (whic T ALWAYS GET FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE) INTO EACH JARS yt THE MAGIC MUSHROOMS We WANT! Pe eae Feces PHINEAS Isnt. AROUND! TLL JUST HAVE A PEEKL.iT SEE r NAW, NOTHIN’ THERE! T DON'T 5 DONT SEE ANY CAPS: THINK THESE THINGS ARE ALIVE! MAYBE THEYRE UNDER THE SURFACE! ‘SURE ENOUGH, A SINGLE, MINUTE SPORE OF FAT FREDDY'S SOCK FUNGUS, INVISIBLE To THE NAKED EYE, HAS REMAINED IN THE COLTURE JAR. “==TWE FABULOUS FURRY ARE ANK, promis SHELTON & MAVRIDES (GRoan!) L DON'T KNow, REMEMBER THAT GUY IN LA. WHOS VIDEOTAPED THE COPS BEATING UP THE BLACK DUDE? HE SOLD THAT TAPE FoR THOUSANDS oF DOLLARS, 4 }, AND THE POLICE CHIEF GoT FIRED! 4 Ly vers HAVE AWK!THERES THE PICTURES IT'S THE : . COPS, AND THEY'VE GOT SOME Here A ‘Youve GOT HOMEBOY UPAGAINST A CAR ! Yes VIDEOTAPE! I LOOK! ONE A 15 THIS THE vl X BUTTON THAT Frau TURNS IT OFF 2, Sh Cas wokethe fabulous mary REARS ACK WHEN WE WERE YOUR AGE WE USED TO OUTWIT THE CoPs ALL THE TIME! THEY USED To RAID our APARTMENT LOOKING FOR DRUGS. THEN THEY'D SEARCH THe HOUSE FoR HOURS, BUT THEY NEVER COULD FIND ANYTHING AND FINALLC THEY WOULD HAVE To LEAVE! WHENEVER WE HEARD THE COPS BANGING ON "| THE Door, We WOULD Just ‘TOSS ALL THE /. Store our THe /° WINDOW! ‘SWELL HEARING W NOW! THANKS ALL YOUR STORIES |] FOR LETTING US ABOUT THE OLD DANS, MISTER COME UP AND LISTEN To Your, ANTIQUE MUSIC TAPES? _ EN THE 4 DOOR THIS 15 TE POLICE! 4SBT] (ran!) 115, Wl BURNED GONE/ EA AGAIN? aeTHE FARLLO ‘ei BECAUSE Is THe SAME THIS SPRAY cay DOESNT WORK, H LADY — T HEAN, MAM! Hes AN P DONT LISTEN To HIM, OUD INARTICDLATE DOLT! PLEASE LET ME EXPLAINSWE SEE OURSELVES AS ANARCHIST VISIONARY MESSENGERS BEARING THE SHIBBOLETH OF REBELLION AGAINST” AN UNJUST AND TYRAMNICAL WORLD! OF PEOPLE WILL READ THIS MESSAGE AND THEY WILL BEGIN To BECOME AWARE! USING THE SIMPLE EVERYDAY MEDILM OF SPRAY PAINT, We ARE EXPRESSING OUR DESPAIR VER HAVING BEEN RIPPED OFF BY THIS ROTTEN SYSTEI “REALLY ? DO THAT MANY PEOPLE COME To THs FART OF TWAD NO IDEA! xT THI Wesonte er EVERYBODY, Too! VAY PUSSKCAT HAS HAD KITTENS, IF NOONE WANTS THEM By SUNDAY. T WILL DROWN THEM, i HUN THE TOILET. INQUIRE 0 eethe adventures of GAL FREDPLL THE CAT BOK FOR 40 LONG THAT NOW T CAN'T GET CLOSE ENOUGH = To CLEAN IT! E! SMUFE /) 1 KEEP SMELUNG CAT. SHIT IN HERE, BUT T DONT SEE ANY! 16Wak Fabulbvs Furry FREAK BROTHER oy" a RED A AHL THE NORTH POLE, 1 PRESUME ? TWose GUYS LiKe SCOTT GoT TO HAVE ALL THE NEAT ENV RES , (HERES NOTHING LEFT TO FOUND FROZEN To DEATH Just ELEVEN MILES FROM HIS CACHE OF SUPPLIES, AFTER HE HAD WALKED EIGHTEEN HUNDRED MILES K\_ ACROSS THE FROZEN ANTARCTIC WASTELAND7 NOTHING To EAT! Not EVEN A BEER! BUT WAIT! MAYBE THERES SOMETHING THE FREEZING COMPARTMENT J, HMM! THIS LOOKS INTERESTING! 1 WONDER WHAT (TIS! WHAT A FROZEN WILDERNESS Now I KNOW How SCOTT FELT! era ‘OH WELL, WHAT THE HELL # T GUESS TUL JUST EAT IT! AFTER EATING THE SLED DOGS OUR INTREPID ADUENTURER CONTINUED (E POLAR LIGHTS! GOSH! T SURE WISH CD THOUGHT FO BRING MY CAMERA!‘Dear DIARY: FREEZING and STARVING. Nething but FROZEN ICE EVERYWHERE. LN have te build a FIRE, songs noe: oS 46 6AME.| Tz T CAN SEE SOMETHING P sts BURIED UNDER THE SNOW! GOOD LoRD! (cHoxe/)\\ MAYBE ITS A FROZEN MAMMOTH ITS SOME SORT OF “TRAPPED BY THE ADVANCING ICE AGE? S\ DINOSAUR Lf AT LEAST TLL HAVE FRESH MEAT? M ‘UI-OH! MY FIRE HAS UNCORKED iS" tm DROWNING.” SUDDENLY IM. See er P SOLID ICE To THE WARM ’ SAFETY OF THE HOLLOW EARTH Below /??AY” 1ve BROKEN THROUGH IN A FREEZING TORRENT! TU HAVE MN To RIDE DOWN ON THIS BIG PLANK, \. STICKING OUT OF THIS HUGE CHUNK OF BRIGHTLY COLORED ICES WHATS THAT IN MY PATH? (15 THE BIGGEST COCKROACH Ive EVER SENN, AND HAVE T EVER SEEN SOME BIG ONES! ox \F ONLY T_ CAN SNEAK AROUND Hitt ‘AND NOW IM LOST IN AN INPENETRABLE. JUNGLE OF REEKING VEGETATION AND FUNGI! STRANGE ALIEN FORMS OF LIFE ARE LURKING IN THE FOLIAGE EVERYWHERE! WHATS THAT I SEE OVER THERE BEYOND THE HORIZON ? IT's SONE SORT OF CIVILIZATIONSFREDDY, You JERK, ‘WHAT ARE You DOING 2” YouVE RUINED Te REFRIGERATOR!EPILOGUE: WHEN FAT FREDDY CHOPPED A HOLE IN THE COOLING SYSTEM OF HIS REFRIGERATCR, | THE FREON WHICH HAD BEEN SEALED INSIDE. LY ESCAPED INTO THE ATMOSPHER( FAT FREDDY EVEN INADVERTENTLY BREATHED A QUANTITY OF THE ESCAPING GAS BUT (T DID HIM NO HARM, HE BREATHED IT RIGHT OUTACAIN, THE LIBERATED FLUOROCARBON SLOWLY MADE! (TS WAY TOWARD THE UPPER ATMOSPHERE. IT WAS A DIFFICULT CLIMB, TAKING MANY YEARS. But WHEN IT GOT To THE TOR IT IMMEDIATELY ATE A GIGANTIC HOLE IN tHe OZONE LAYER ULTRAVIOLET RAYS FROM THE SUN BEGAN TO IPOUR THROUGH IN UNIMAGINABLE QUANTITIES.AND T MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD MYSELF! THE WHOLE PLANET is A DESICCATED AND STERILE SHELL! EVEN AST STAND HERE I AM H BEING BOMBARDED To DEATH BY HL INVISIBLE RAYS! T CAN FEEL THEM BEGINNING To AFFECT MY BRAIN? SLOWLY, ALL GROWS DIM AS THE LAST LIVING CREATURE ON EARTH SURRENDERS HIS LIFE To THE OVERWHELMING DOSAGE of UNIT! ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ASHES! (WS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL £, 100, JOIN THE ETERNAL SENT! “THE GLAZED METALLIC SKY ABOVE THE ONCE-GREEN EARTH SEEMS To BE PERFORATED WITH TINY HOLES ! FAT FREDDY, You {DIOT, h MICROWAVE OVEN! (T WONT TURN ON WITH aeTHE FABULOUS FURRY 7 wear'cw ae MY LATEST: INVENTION, THE EXERVISIOY! BROTHERS |. WHICH IN TURN 1S HOOKED UP To THE TELEVISION SET! ; ie THIS STATIONARY Biexeue 19 ATTACHED To a fot on ELECTRIC GENERAT RS — IVE REMOVED THE REGULAR PLUG, SO You HAVE TO KEEP. PEDALING IN ORDER TO WATCH! ITS HEALTHEUL AND STIMULATING # SOMEONE ELSE TAKE A TURN AT THE PEDALS WHILE T SEE WHATS ON THE OTHER CHANNELS! 24UNFORTUNATELY, Lets Go Y THERES NOTHING N he ALLEY WORTH WATCHING PN CA 4 ( ON ANY CHANNEL! | cit) some LIVE zi A MUSIC NAW, T THINK (Tu STAY HOME AND READ OR SOMETHING 7 AFTER A NIGHT OF CLUB-HOPPING, PHINE?5} AND FREEWHEELIN’ FRANKLIN) RETURN AT DAWN] LOOKS LIKE FAT FREDDYS STILL UP! ALL THE LIGHTS ARE ON | ae By \'s A simetey bg CASE OF TOTAL EXRAUSTION, APPARENTLY CAUSED BY \ Too MUCH GASP! HERES FREDDY, UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR J QUICK! CALL AN AMBULANCE! HE COULD'VE O.D'D ON SOMETHING S 4 AH, THIS EXPLAINS yy EVERYTHING! He WAS’ TRYING To WATCH THE \ AU-NIGHT TRIPLEX PORNOTHON ON, oo!the NGG OF OT FREDDY Be ASSOCIATED Wits $00 STOPIDUYE WHATS THe MATTER, FREDDY ? WHY AREN'T You JOGGING ?rabuious Furry FREAK BROTHERS PROS BG SHUG at AE) ealI coup po BETTER THAN THATS MY PAINTINGS WOULD FALL. (NTO THE CATEGORY OF NEO- ANARCHO-PONK SUBREALISM/ T CALL THEM ICONS For THE NERVOUS NINETIES’? MERE CANVAS 15 INADEQUATE. FoR WHAT I HAVE To SAY? MY SOUL CAN ONLY EXPRESS ITSELF ‘ON THE FINEST BLACK VELVET! TLL FINDA PRESTIGIOUS ART GALLERY TO HANOLE THE SALES FoR ME! WHAT ARE YOu GOING T DO WiTH ALLTHIS CRAP ? ART MUST COMMUNICATE WITH ANY PERSON, ANYWHERE, AT ANY TIME / Tm HAVING AN ENORMOUS OPENING PARTY | AND I'LL BE INVITING ALL MY FRIENDS AS WELL AS THE ART CRITICS FROM ALL THE IMPORTANT ART MAGAZINES AND THE NEWSPAPERS! ee > ere £00 can cilmenane a conte to, ALL SORTS OF A OF COURSE! GOOD THINGS pore idePHINEAS MAKES THE CIRCUIT OF THE MAJOR GALLERIES WITHOUT SUCCESS, f VELWET PAINTINGS ? ARE YOU KIDDING? 1 CAN BUY THOSE FoR “THREE BUCKS EACH IN TIJUANA S gone 7 EVENTUALLY PHINEAS 1S ABLE 1] FIND A SYMPATHETIC GALLERY. SLL HAVE To TAKE NINETY- FIVE PERCENT ‘To COVER THE OPENINGS” Cost MONEY! A> 5 ‘WHATEVER You HAVE To! SKS ART GALLER} UE WE SELL EVERYTHING, YouLL STILL OWE Me two HUNDRED Bucks y/ ITLL Be WELL WORTH IT To BRING MY ART BEFORE THE PEOPLE? T MUST MOVE IT UP TWO MILLIMETERS AND To THE RIGHT PRECISELY THREE SIXTEENTHS oF AN INCH f JRE HOUR OF THE GRAND OPENING FINALLY ARRIVES... > SiNTELLIGENT Porte \ TARE NATURALLY ATTRACTED| TO FING ART.” werescne, AVBY wiiars THe MATTER wT ALL You PeDPLe? Tet suPeosen Te Be THe CENTER OF ATT HERE! NO ONE. EVEN! LOOKING AT MY PAL You! You're THE ART CRITIC FoR THE AT THIS MOMENT FAT FREDDY'S CAT, HAVING TRASHVIEW ADVERTISER, ARENT You? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY PAINTINGS? TeLL ME/ J BEEN FED WAY TOO MANY HORS DOEUVRES, UPCHUCKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR. 30"(THATS BETTER ART THAN, SUST LOOK AT THAT TEXTURE AND’ THAT STUFF THATS HANGING hcl VComPOosiTions THAT CHIAROScURO!], THERE ON THE WALLS! = TV THERES NOTHING “1, (LIKE THAT (N YOUR DREAD AA. PARTING NICE TRY, BUT You Just pon AT JUST THIS TIME, A GROUP oF RELIGIOUS FANATICS, SEEM TO HAVE THE TOUCH f THE PERSONAL FRIENDS OF God HIMSELF’ HAPPENS| 10 Be PASSING BY THE ART GALLERY WINDOW. HERE, HAVE 3 we [ Xi WERE IN SOME MORE PETITS FOURS! 5 sniat Pupoce a OFA FACE! - ATVOMITEA Wt LOOKS : UKE TuMIRACLE, SHMIRACLE? CANT YOU CRETINOUS GODSTERS TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWCEN A UMA MESSIAH AND A MESS 74 T DON'T THINK I CAN STAND IT IF THERE'S ANYTHING I HATE WORSE THAN A BAD ARTIST, IT'S A STUPID IGNORANT RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALIST! —See= = Tr THE FREAK BROTHERS, HOWEVER, MANAGE To SNEAK | [ONCE BACK IN THEIR SECRET HIDEOUT, THEY, AWAY UNROTICED IN ALLTHE TUMULT ANG CONFUSION, | | BEGIN AN EXTENDED SESSION OF CONCENTRATED = z z STUDY OF THE ONLY VALID FORM OF MODERN ART, Comic, 32COME ON, CAT, RISE AND SHINE! 115 A BEAUTIFUL MORNING! You CANT FE SPEND ALL YOUR TIME SLEEPING! 4] ue the adventures of Jom #¥ GLeERT SHELTON, DON'T JUST LIE THERE LIKE A DONT You KNOW THAT THE. BUMP ON A LOG! You HAVE To MAKE EARLY BIRD Gers THE WORM? HAY WHILE THE SUN SHINES? THIS IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!THIS IS YOUR